"A different error message! Finally some progress!"

When something goes wrong at work, my boss will blame the first dev in his vicinity ...

Boss: "what the hell happened? why are the servers down?! This is unacceptable! Blah blah etc etc"

Me: "I dunno. Let me review if my CSS had anything to do with it" 😑😩

My coworker is a serious brogrammer

Whenever I'm stressed out on a bug or what not...

I find some of my best ideas have come from sitting on the toilet

Just because I'm a programmer doesn't mean I'm some nerd that watches anime, relishes in video games, and spends more time around computers than around girls!

Even though that's all true...

Changed width:600px to width:500px

git commit - m "optimized responsivity for enhanced mobile experience"

"congratulations son, you are now a certified virgin"

Hilarious dad 😑😢

I really should find a better use for my notebook

(regarding a discussion with a female programmer about an event)

Me: ... But Id feel so out of place, I don't even have a date

Female: well you can always just import a date

Me: what do you mean? 😕

Female: import Java.util.Date;

My boss likes to measure the spacing between DOM elements using a ruler to make sure everything is proportional.

I forgot to remove some padding on an element so it wasn't exactly centered, so he comes in and says...

"the padding on the site is off, I think you need to use this" *drops ruler on desk*

Now I have to keep this stupid ruler on my desk because whenever I forget to align something he says... "that's why I gave you the ruler"

Too difficult to explain to these subhumans that I don't need a ruler to write proper css

PM finds my prized stress ball and draws a face on it. When asked why she said "it looked depressed".

THATS THE LOGO YOU DUMB BITCH. PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT

On the bright side... Good thing I have this stress ball to relieve my anger 😒

And that was enough encouragement

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

Use Vim. What could happen?...

When a hiring manager wants 5+ years experience in Swift.

Swift release date = June 2, 2014

😂👍🖕

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

<?php

wakeUp();
goToWedding();

while (atWedding() && bored()) {
browseDevrant();
}

goToTrainStation();
sleep(2700); // got there 45 mins early

while (trainIsMoving()) {
try {
workOnDevrant();
} catch (ProcrastinationException $e) {
// got distracted by devRant
}
}

goHome();

while (unrespondedStickerRequests()) {
sendResponse();
}

goToSleep();

?>