"ACK and you shall receive"

Told my wife I'll be home by 10 in the night, but when I got back she started screaming at me. Does binary not work when drunk? 🤔

If you ask a programmer to do something once in a while, they'll end up doing it forever.

So, DON'T.

Whenever I feel like yelling at a bug I just turn on my w10 vm and get Cortana on the line.

Why not euro symbol?

Help, i bought these wet wipers but cant use them

Things I hate about Microsoft (Part 1):

Windows: Does things I don't want it to do. Is not user friendly. It is just user familiar.

Outlook / Hotmail: Drops emails silently, which are RFC conform and pass every other mail service. No error messages or notifications.

Edge: Does not / Partially support(s) some modern standards.

IE: No explanation needed.

Design language: border-radius: 0 !important

Business model: Let's make our own hardware, so we can compete with our hardware partners (HP, Dell, ...). Isn't that a perfect idea.

Tracking: Let's track everything of our users. Even how many photos they open in our OS*. What they get from that? Well they could get personalised ads on Bing. Isn't that a perfect model.

*: https://blogs.windows.com/windowsex...

I just copy-pasted this into 4 of my apps and republished them.

It's part of my own C# library that removes the need to write boilerplate code.

https://github.com/allanx2000/...

(I have a Merged library with some added NET 4.5 conveniences but that's not check-in)

In general, I think making computers do all the grunt work makes me a bad-ass.

It's called code

An entirely typical exchange at work:

PM: How long would it take to build an application that collates Gubblefluffs and exports them as a PDF?

ME: Hard to say. What’s a Gubblefluff?

PM: Nothing complex. Its basically an object with some stuff in.

ME: Erm, okay. So I’ll define a Gubblefluff object plus methods to add edit and delete, then for each Gubblefluff have it write a line to a PDF.

PM: It will need to email that PDF to somebody.

ME: Okay, cool. “Gubblefluffs-by-email” should take about a day.

6 hours later…

ME: I’ve done Gubblefluffs-to-pdf, I’m not clear on what’s in a Gubblefluff but I’ve made it flexible so it can take almost anything.

PM: No, a Gubblefluff can ONLY be one of 4 Snigglefingers plus a timestamp and some JSON.

ME: What? Right. Okay. What’s a Snigglefinger?

PM: (sighs) A Snigglefinger is the collection of relevant Babelsets.

ME: Babelsets?

PM: Yeah, a user can have any number of Babelsets but they must correspond to one of the four types of Snigglefingers.

ME: There are users!?

PM: Of course!

ME: But I’ve not coded anything for users.

PM: Shit. I’ve told the client they can have it today. How long to add in users?

ME: And Babelsets, and Snigglefingers and the new Gubblefluff rules?

PM: Yeah.

6 days later…

ME: This is done now. It’s a beast but it works. Who should it email the PDFs to?

PM: Client X, plus cc to Y and bcc to Z.

ME: What? It doesn't support CC and BCC!

1 hour later…

ME: This is done. I’ve tested it and sent you a copy of the PDF it generates.

PM: Okay thanks. Is the cron running daily?

ME: What cron?

…

ME: Okay, so the cron’s running once a day at 8pm.

PM: Oh, it’ll need to be at 3:15pm. That’s when we’ve told the client they’ll get it.

ME: Right. I’ll change it...

PM: Also, the PDF you sent me looks nothing like the visual.

ME: What visual?
...

Meetings as a Developer

I suck at UI.

Do you think anyone will notice 😋

Edit: I forgot to add the picture. 😑

Software Engineering Matrix