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I know someone from Uni who used a green text on red background IDE to make sure the colourblind person sat next to him couldn't copy his code...10
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Boss called ! Said no need to come in today because it's friday and I worked hard this week... feeling like a boss. 💪4
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My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅
22 -
Hi there fellas,
I'm new to devrant and I'll like to share with you my first story.
It was my first payed job. A good friend of mine (media designer in print) called me "My customer needs a website, do you think you can do that?"
At this time I've never build a single page, so my answer was "Of course, easy-peasy".
She told me it was a family business and a nationwide player in finance sector.
I met the CEO, did my research and build a prototype. Well, the CEO and his staff liked it so I finished the website and prepared for the first review.
I booted the laptop and tried to connect to their network. There was none. They just never had a wireless connection not a single cable in the entire office. That was the time I realized that I work for a family business.
The CEO was an ancient guy who probably saw Jesus Christ hanging on the cross in personal and internet is weird thing controlled by the devil himself.
I took the laptop and went over to the CEOs personal office, plugged the network cable out of his Computer and into the laptop. Finally I could show them what I've done.
He took a look at it and called for his assistant. "Might you print that website for us?" That was my second wtf moment.
The assistant returned with a half chopped down and bleached rainforest that contained an image of their new website.
I tried to tell him that a website on paper can't show him the functions n shit, but he looked at me like I was talking two foreign languages at once.
So we reviewed the website on paper and his one and only problem was the size of the letters. "I can't read it well, please make the text bigger" At this moment I wanted to hit my forehead on the table and tell him that it is normal to have readings difficulties when you are walking the shores of Styx.
At the end everything went well, but I realized that dealing with customers is a lot more difficult than developing something for them. The future should prove me right.
That's it.
My first story about my first job.
Thank you for reading 😊12 -
Sending a well typed professional email to your boss, but receiving a:
Sure thing
Dave
Sent from my iPhone9 -
Being a software developer automatically qualifies you to fix paper jams and wi-fi issues in the eyes of your family.5
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When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...
2 -
Guess who's birthday it is! It's my birthday and that are my birthday gifts my GF gave me 😍🤩
Also starring Dick-butt Debug-duck!
I feel blessed. 😁
29 -
Sometimes looking back at your code for documentation reasons and you really ask yourself "wow, did I make this? this is fucking genius"4
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Have you ever written a piece of code so awesome, that you just had to go back, and look at it?
I have.9 -
I like it when a boss is a Dev (or a former Dev). Makes them a bit more sympathetic towards us i think :)2
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Google just turned 18 years yesterday,cant believe i've been asking inappropriate questions to a minor for al those years
😆😅😂
6 -
Me: I'm gonna write some code today. Try to push more commits in a single day than I did last week.
Github: You only get half a contribution tile today, bitch.
4 -
The rants I read here make me want to be a better developer. I started writing tests, linting code and ensuring 'quality code' because of the devrant community. Being a self taught developer, you never really have anyone to thank. But today I would like to appriciate you all for the rants, comments and advice that make us developers become better at our craft.2
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Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**5 -
I code for fun until it isn’t any fun anymore, then I code because I need to finish.
But no code is ever finished.
I shall code forever!2 -
Upgraded linux kernel to the fucking jupiter and my machine now got +5 hours of battery! It's just awesome.20
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/* secret devRant script */
let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"
//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}4 -
Why it is hard for general public to believe this is fake;
Nasa had performed an experiment in which they got this result an internal network 😂😂😂;
For God sake please don't try seeding torrents on NASA'S internal network 😂😂😂😂;
4 -
I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D9
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That feeling when you solve a problem that you thought is gonna take you days in 10 mins.... Still believe that it's a trap 😐4
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If your only experience is Uni, don't put skills down as 'Advanced' on your damn CV
Lower expectations, deliver results -
Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!10
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I love the skill requirements section of a junior Dev job advertisement.
To summarise "Basically you'll need all the skills and experience of a senior, but we are gonna pay you much much less". 😔1 -
I hate it when people dislike things because it’s cool.
“PHP is terrible,” they say.
Yeah! If it was any good then most websites on the Internet would be coded in it... oh wait.
“Nickelback suck,” they say.
Of course. That’s why they’ve never been able to make any money off their “terrible” music. Oops. Wrong again.
What other things are “cool” to hate just because people say so?41 -
If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark
etc etc..5 -
When someone comes to your desk and asks "did you get my slack message".... Which they sent 23 seconds ago 😒5
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Writing clean code is what you must do in order to call yourself a professional. There is no reasonable excuse for doing anything less than your best. - Clean Code2
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Giving functions exciting names so you can feel like a Bond villain while programming:
execute(); destroy(); fire(); isDead();6 -
When I got my first PC the famous Pentium 1. It just hooked me. The struggle was real back then tho....
2 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!
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when you spend hours trying to patch code you poorly structured of which 30 minutes is enough to rewrite the whole damn thing.5
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When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...
2 -
Just entered my password, looked at devrant on my phone, looked back on the screen. "Here you go f**kwhit, I turned into the blue screen of death just because I didn't had your attention"
Did this another time while writing this rant. F**K OFF Winderp!
12 -
So I walked into a business the other day where they make flyers and business cards etc. Wanted something specific so went to what they call their "developers". So they have some kind of dodgy pdf editor open there and I know exactly what I want so I asked can you take a RGB color..... the reaction was glassy eyes. And after that the woman started to scream at me and telling me that I have no idea what it is like to be a "Developer". Ended up walking out and going to another place.....1
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Programming on a train is always interesting. I expect a minimum of one dirty/confused look off a member of the public.2
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My rant of the day is not being able to use the latest version of PHP with the latest features because my host only provides 5.6!9
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Confession: every now and then a Google search for a JS function or something directs me to W3schools. And I proceed to use it. And I'm not afraid to admit this!!7
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Set my alarm 25 minutes earlier to check out this awesome thing called devRant. Before I start my day. 😎2
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This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...1 -
Curious did any of you have a specific reason to learn how to program?
I wanted to be involved in aerospace but realised I'd probably never be an Astronaut, but i could learn how to write the software that controls the spacecrafts!13 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!
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Sublime Text is a great editor but the fact that active development on it has seemed to come to a hault sucks.15
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At the first company I worked for out of college, the CEO was a bit like a child. Whenever he came up with a new feature he wanted to add to the product, it had to be done asap otherwise we were going to "miss the boat." Every single time.
So rewind to a few years ago. It's a normal day at work and then suddenly my team lead and the CEO call my team into the conference room. The CEO starts telling us about this industry conference (we were in online dating) that was happening and this flashy new company dating company was going to be showing off this awesome search feature.
Naturally, our CEO concocted a Hail Mary plan of how our company was going to upstage this company and get all of the press to write about us instead. Basically, the "plan" was for us to build a brand new search feature of our own, in the week before the conference, and then he stated that the press would "have to write about us because ours will be better."
Everyone on my team knew it was ridiculous but we were pretty young and naive so we busted our asses to get this search feature out the door in the short week. The Friday before we stayed until like 2 AM. It was a little bit fun because the people on my team were cool, but the whole situation was absurd and no one, except the CEO, thought this had any chance of working.
Annnnddd in the end we didn't get an ounce of press, the search feature was pulled from our site, and the "awesome" company that we were so worried about getting all the press is out of business. But hey, we did get it done!1 -
Are any of you guys sentimental about your early programming efforts? I still have my first few simple Python programs on my computer, from years ago!
print("hello world")8 -
Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!2
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Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!
3 -
I named an alias variable feedItem in my database query but I keep accidentally typing feetItem. I have no one to blame but myself.1
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I always get a kick out of it when I get to read a hilarious email that was sent in to customer service about our product where the customer is so pissed that they curse everyone out and then they call out the programmers too. "You should fire all your programmers too, they suuckk!!!"1
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I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!1 -
My university provides advanced education courses and you'll get certified if you pass them. I'm really interested but I don't have so much time, so which one should I pick?
List of courses I'm interested in:
SQL
IT-Security
Project Management
PHP
I'm curious about your suggestions ;)10 -
Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".
Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"1 -
$a = 1;
$b = 2;
echo ($a < $b) ? ($a > $b) ? 'This is totally fine' : ($a < $b) ? 'This is not ok!' : 'Perfect' : 'No problem here';
Why do people do this?!
(And I mean nested ternary ifs, not coding in PHP :P)17 -
I find it way easier to read code than ordinary text.
Am I the only one? Do I have a problem?
After the first sentence my I eyes can't focus to keep reading text. This also happens to my native language except from English.6 -
Do you guys ever feel like you lose the ability to be objective about your own work. I've looked at my website for so long now, I don't know if I think it's good or not...5
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99% disk usage? Ah, Windows is updating. Guess I'll just go ahead and get nothing done then. Oh, devRant!1
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A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!3
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I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.
First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.
So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!1 -
That feeling when you're finally done with a pretty big PR and ready to go live. You excitedly send it out to a few of your peers, and then... 20 comments! The real work has just begun 😭1
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Are people using Vim doing it for the sake of it? Is there such a thing as a Vim hipster?
I mean, nano is just nicer 😇15 -
Ok so I studied Computer Science in college, even got my pretty little associate's degree saying I didn't eat shit.
Decided to work in ops and not as a dev because life finds a way
End up being asked to write code at work anyway because I know enough to not break everything1 -
body {
overflow-x: hidden;
}
is a bit like trying to fix a broken arm by wearing a long sleeve shirt 😅 -
Scanner scanner = new Scanner(...);
Which is fine until you're in a corporation where the (many) classes are so detailed that each one is 30 chars long...5 -
Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!
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I don't know why... But I cringe when somebody says "coding", "coder". Maybe it's because it's an Americanism...1
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The first 30 minutes of a working day often consist of me saying, "who broke this then?" Then a liberal use of git blame.
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Service's like freelance and people per hour are a farce. It's just a constant race to the bottom price-wise.
'Yeah sure I can make you a blog website in 24 hours for £5' -
You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!
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When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...
4 -
Automate this!
I'm an aspiring coder working some chappy administrator job just to pay the bills for now. My boss found out that I may actually be more computer literate than I let on.
Boss: "I want you to make X happen automatically if I click here on this spreadsheet"
Me "X!? That means processing data from 4 different spreadsheets that aren't consistently named and scraping comparison info from the fronted of the Web cms we're using"
Boss: "if you say so.. Can you do it?"
Me: "maybe.. Can I install python?"
Boss: "No..."
Me: "what about node.js or ruby?"
Boss: "no.. I don't know what you're talking about but you're not installing anything, just get it done"
Me: "Errm Ok.."
So here I am now, way over my head loving the fact that I'm unofficially a Dev and coding my first something in Powershell and vb that will be used in business :)
Sucks that I still have to keep my regular work on target whilst doing this though!2 -
Desk fans whirling. Sweating co-workers. An extra short stand-up.
That's right, the English summer has arrived.1 -
So made my PI a little torrent machine. So that my parents can watch the movies they want when they want.3
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I love how our industry has invented such important sounding yet meaningless job titles...
Developer, software engineer, software architect, developer evangelist, dev ops engineer, systems analyst, quality assurance engineer, code monkey...4 -
ROFT: When you know the answer to someone's question on stack overflow but you don't have enough reputation to answer 🤦♂️4
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"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita -
I know I'm pretty late to the party, but I've been playing with Redis a lot lately and it's pretty awesome. Sorted sets and the various Z functions seem very powerful. I'm hoping to get to use it in a prod environment soon.2
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If you are writing all your code from scratch, you are probably an amateur.
If you are copying and pasting most of your code, you are probably a beginner. -
Service status pages that poorly reflect actual service status are so annoying. Ex. GitHub is having a lot of latency issues with processing updates and like 5 people in my office noticed it while their status page still says everything is fine.
This isn't to explicitly call out GitHub since many service status pages behave like this, but it definitely shows a general weakness in these health checks. I've seen similar issues with tons of services, web hosts, etc. Monitoring is definitely hard but will hopefully keep getting better.1 -
This is how non devs imagine our devs. They tend to think a huge change is this quick. Meanwhile back at the ranch it will take a while and a lot more concentration.
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I just updated to Android 9 developer preview 3 and it's total bullshit
Runs perfect. No bugs. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING GOOGLE
#notmyandroid
😂😂4 -
Hey fellas, I have a question about Windows and Linux.
I love Ubuntu on my Laptop and since gaming is no prio at this time I'd like to install Linux on my Rig.
I want to install Linux on a separate drive and unplug my Windows drive so Linux can boot alone without selection at Bootmanager.
However, I'd like the possibility that Bootmanager will let me choose if I plug the Windows drive back in (just in case I'm really in need of Windows).
Is it possible?5 -
Having fun looking at android developer struggling to replicate 'str_split()' function from PHP in Java :-D3
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Started a new job trying to get familiar with their development workflow and no one wants to help pretty frustrating I'm ready to walk out the door.
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Back when I was at uni, we had this group project based on data security.
At the first sit down meeting we had as a team, this one guy sat down and said "to be honest guys I'd be happy with a pass (40-50%) for this module"...
Well great.2 -
I had my first config with a 286 CPU (dos only) machine when i was like 6.
My father brought the stuff in around midnight... i supposed to be sleeping already then...but it was my first fucking pc! Got so excited that
i was played the shit about a game called JBird like no tomorrow.
Had to upgrade it to a 486 dlc when win 3.1 released and some text editor's response time was over 10sec (for a letter or character to display on the screen from the point you pressed the button). Also it was needed to place a piece of paper between the two ram slots so it can recognize both ones. Seems funny with nowaday's hw and stuff. -
When your computer science teacher asks to write the psedo code and flow chart first, instead of just coding the program. That frustration!!!!11
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Fucking pt100 sensors and fucking max31865 amplifiers! Waited a few months to arrive (working on an arduino bbq temp monitor and log server), ordered fucking everything, asembled fucking everything and this piece of fucking shit reads random values between -200 AND 980 DEGREE not even constant and sometimes gives under/over voltage. Tried a whole another max and different pt100s but every fucking time this random madness. WHY THE FUCK IT CANT JUST DISPLAY THE FUCKING TEMPERATURE???
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Microsoft Office Communicator (2007) is complete junk.
It can't even save a conversation session overnight -
I'm sitting here and trying to do some workers council stuff, but we changed the password for the WC Laptop. So I was trying for about an hour. After asking all council-mates I finally got access to the Laptop, but wait!
Guess who's updating! 😑🔫 -
Dreading the end of this bank holiday weekend, tomorrow I must wake up and return to working with legacy code.
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What the fuck is this version control thing? We managed to pass one fucking entire semester building an mobile game without knowing anything about version control. How my team finished the game? Fuck, we just place our source code and files into the folder, archive to rar and sent it through gmail. My desktop was a fucking mess, it was bunch of New Folder(x) all over the place. Fucking school didn't even taught or mentioned even once about that shit. In fact our faculties were all master degree holder. Our life could have been easier back then. So in this last school year, we gonna use that shit in our Capstone project.5
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Writes 4 years worth of CRM code.
Forgets TimeZone Support.
1 Week later, supports TimeZone.
REFACTORING! -
@dfox Quick feature request. Checking for duplicate comment or rant and hiding them. On erratic connections impatient coders like me press submit button multiple times making duplicate posts!10
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The moment when you just wanna fetch data from instagram API and they ask for "Instagram User Experience Video" for permissions. #FU Facebook #FU Instagram
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I knew I wanted to be a Dev ever since I discovered that the Apollo missions, used a flight computer less powerful than a average mobile phone.
If they could put a man on the moon with that, imagine what I could do now... -
Super solar power plants around the earth to powering robots and factories producing equipment to search and research more efficient energy sources across the universe and mapping the whole ma'fucka resource wide would be a nice project to spend some days at.
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Manual EC2 instances + Elastic load balancer or Elastic beanstalk for a PHP 7 application? I might have some cron jobs to be run too...
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!rant
Any links to start learning game server programming using C++? I know network programming using C# currently and built a game server emulator also. I want to start C++ network programming for windows now...8 -
You can be very good at writing algorithms and good quality code, but if your architecture is garbage, you'll be doing hacky fixes and end up with a spaghetti code.3
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Guys, I'm a bit into those dev-stickers, but the hell, I can't find any Pascal ones.
If someone know where to get them, please share with us/me.
Thx in advance.7 -
Back in time i was monitoring an asterisk server on a friday night. Usually it's monitoring cli is a calm terminal with infos and periodic notifications. On a random check i saw about a KM length red shit / blue shit. As it turned out my boss was using the password 2500 with the same username on a fucking SIP server and while watching football (heard from the voice logs) some romanian script kiddie's brute force script fucked it up. The journey wasn't stopped here. Next step was to them to foreach some calls with high rates to their own special phone number on about 30-50 lines. The first step was to stop the service but because it is a nice app it wont stop till you have an active call, took about 5 mins to realise it . Had to kill it a few times until it gave up. That was the moment when the 'now they are gonna fire me' feel kicked in. Do not use weakass passwords kids!
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Irony - (noun) Switching to a new framework to do more with less code. Spending obscene amount of time and LOC to retrofit rest of the code to work with the said framework.
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Updated linux kernel (tried about 4 version) to enable mini display and to use 3 displays and it would be awesome if one of my hw's module would be updated as well with it.
Now after 4 wasted hours it freezes at the login with 3 displays...fml -
!rant
Going to install a Linux distro on my Mac for general dev antics (NodeJS & Java)...
But which one?12 -
Thought i'd try using VSCode.. initialized folder for git... and then proceeded to delete all my nodeschool work that i'd done over the past year... ARAGH!2
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Really interesting video by FunFunFunction https://youtu.be/J9OpTNk0hYc.
"Does a developer need to be nice". How many times have you guys been made to feel stupid for asking a question or for getting something wrong?2 -
Pressing the provisioning profiles "fix this issue" button in Xcode... And getting roasted for being a noob by the entire office.1
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Remember report a bug? Once I had a guy report a cockroach he saw in his kitchen that morning 😂😂 people are great2
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Need recommendation on which server side language/framework to use along with my new react native app.
Thanks3 -
Anyone else having trouble with apt-get install in EC2 instance of region US-East-1? Seems it's too slow currently!
-
Topic: Linux (Ubuntu) on eMMC drives.
Long story short: https://youtu.be/VvmROT8LEsM
I'm pretty new to linux and my primary computer is running on windows, but I wanted Linux back again (Had it once for a short time) so I decided that my Win10 Laptop (Acer Aspire 1) has to be sacrificed to satisfy my needs.
Unfortunately it has an eMMC drive so I did a little research and found out that a lot of people had issues with them, but YouTube spit out that poorly made, but we'll explained video.
If someone else isn't sure about Linux running on eMMCs watch the video and follow the instructions.
Btw I'm using the latest Ubuntu Budgie atm.
Wish you a wonderful weekend!
Kinky -
If A.I steals all dev jobs then I will become physicist and build time machine like in terminator movie ;-)
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Guys I am looking to get my "feet wet" in Android Apps. Can you maybe drop a comment on any suggestions... Like IDE to use or any advise you have thnx.8
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Am I the only one that spends more time and puts in more effort towards my job...... than anything else in my life ??
Love my job more than anything3 -
In whatever framework I'm using I get frustrated with the default css so I just !important everything
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Tries to automate login with vb using I.E...
Gets stuck because login page is a hive of nested iframes with deep nested tags without defined names
FML -
Motherfucking middle fucking mouse button paste always fucks up the fucking code and it's too fucking late when you realise it.7
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I genuinely want to know about the thoughts of more exp devs in this community to tell me about the JavaScript and latest frameworks. But only in job and good pay perspective. I know js hardly qualifies as a proper programming language. But right now and am working as a frontend developer with angular 5 and was looking for some advice in building a career in js related technologies.2
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I need an advise for my capstone project. I'm planning to make an online booking system for a ferry company. Planning to make it for android and ios and maybe for web too. Did some research and found about ionic. Looks amazing but not sure if it's the right tech to use for my plan. Also about the payment gateway, I want the customers to pay on the app or the website directly without redirecting them to other website. Not really sure if I can use paypal with this, also i need the system to accept mastercard and visa.
I did the research, so please no hate, I'm not asking for the code. I just want to know the right tech to use. I'm just super confused and lost right now.9 -
Afraid of hackers 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂;
tip of the day (mainly for girls 😜😜);-
Hackers break security not hearts;
10 -
I always try to make solid plans with an exact time. It helps keep me on schedule with work and friends
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