How to make sure your users appreciate your work

Code reuse.

Devs we be like.....!...thanks to Bots.....Why should we remain single for ever😂😂😂

I know someone from Uni who used a green text on red background IDE to make sure the colourblind person sat next to him couldn't copy his code...

code review

Show me the code

Dumbest feature request was to hide log out button so that people do not leave the website 😂

How I feel when editing an Android Manifest file

Where's the who write this code

Boss called ! Said no need to come in today because it's friday and I worked hard this week... feeling like a boss. 💪

My gf caught me unguarded after she told me that she has some updates for her webpage, right after I did the last updates. Massively amused. Not! 😅

It's called code

SFW version of '50 Shades of Grey'

Hi there fellas,

I'm new to devrant and I'll like to share with you my first story.

It was my first payed job. A good friend of mine (media designer in print) called me "My customer needs a website, do you think you can do that?"
At this time I've never build a single page, so my answer was "Of course, easy-peasy".
She told me it was a family business and a nationwide player in finance sector.

I met the CEO, did my research and build a prototype. Well, the CEO and his staff liked it so I finished the website and prepared for the first review.

I booted the laptop and tried to connect to their network. There was none. They just never had a wireless connection not a single cable in the entire office. That was the time I realized that I work for a family business.
The CEO was an ancient guy who probably saw Jesus Christ hanging on the cross in personal and internet is weird thing controlled by the devil himself.

I took the laptop and went over to the CEOs personal office, plugged the network cable out of his Computer and into the laptop. Finally I could show them what I've done.

He took a look at it and called for his assistant. "Might you print that website for us?" That was my second wtf moment.

The assistant returned with a half chopped down and bleached rainforest that contained an image of their new website.

I tried to tell him that a website on paper can't show him the functions n shit, but he looked at me like I was talking two foreign languages at once.

So we reviewed the website on paper and his one and only problem was the size of the letters. "I can't read it well, please make the text bigger" At this moment I wanted to hit my forehead on the table and tell him that it is normal to have readings difficulties when you are walking the shores of Styx.

At the end everything went well, but I realized that dealing with customers is a lot more difficult than developing something for them. The future should prove me right.

That's it.
My first story about my first job.

Thank you for reading 😊

Self hosted Gitlab server :-)

How do I code....

How web developers debug their markup...

.someBox {
background-color: pink;
}

Knock knock.

Race condition.

Who's there?

Code doesn't lie, comments do.

Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣

Me: I'm gonna write some code today. Try to push more commits in a single day than I did last week.

Github: You only get half a contribution tile today, bitch.

Cringing when movies get programming things wrong 😷

He: We need to put more parentheses in the code for readability
Me: Ok, I get it.

My code..

How do you fix a bug in a badly written code?
You don't. You re-write that shit!

That moment when you realise:
money != Happiness
Stickers === Happiness

Risk free :-D

That's me currently. Can't understand my own code that I wrote a year ago.

Sending a well typed professional email to your boss, but receiving a:

Sure thing

Dave

Sent from my iPhone

Code never lies
Comment does

In my defense, no one reviewed my code 😂😂😂

When I hear sales guy using technical terms in the wrong context while doing his sales pitch to a client...

The first code review

When you want to code but don't know what to code🤔

Being a software developer automatically qualifies you to fix paper jams and wi-fi issues in the eyes of your family.

Have you ever written a piece of code so awesome, that you just had to go back, and look at it?

I have.

Sometimes looking back at your code for documentation reasons and you really ask yourself "wow, did I make this? this is fucking genius"

Code joke

Legacy code 😂

I like it when a boss is a Dev (or a former Dev). Makes them a bit more sympathetic towards us i think :)

Got a new job as UX Developer! Drinks are on me guys 🍻

Google just turned 18 years yesterday,cant believe i've been asking inappropriate questions to a minor for al those years
😆😅😂

When I show someone my code

This one should be named ‘The Unclean Code’ 😂

hmmm😃

When server is fed up of serving captcha 😆

When you apply breakpoint to the 'if' statement but 'else' part gets executed...

Me everytime when someone ask me to help him in his code

No Girl can give the pleasure of coding late night😂😂

Client: We need video chatting facility in our website
Me: Ok. But it will take more time and effort. It will cost you more too!
Client: Don't build from scratch. We use Skype in our company. Just embed in our website too!
Me: **facepalm**

Stack Overflow documentation is gonna be awesome in a few years...

The rants I read here make me want to be a better developer. I started writing tests, linting code and ensuring 'quality code' because of the devrant community. Being a self taught developer, you never really have anyone to thank. But today I would like to appriciate you all for the rants, comments and advice that make us developers become better at our craft.

I code for fun until it isn’t any fun anymore, then I code because I need to finish.
But no code is ever finished.
I shall code forever!

Refactoring my 2013 code

This “Caps lock is on” feature when typing in passwords was probably very angrily added by a developer after several failed log in attempts.

Any Wordpress site

1. Open source
2. Kill it with fire
3. Deep format the drive

White screen of death

Code progression.

Kill me

/* secret devRant script */

let joke = "why do Java developers wear glasses? Because they can't C#"

//check if rant was posted recently
if ( !recentRants.find(joke) ) {
postRant(joke)
}

I'm a code blooded animal

Upgraded linux kernel to the fucking jupiter and my machine now got +5 hours of battery! It's just awesome.

Clean Code opened my eyes !!

Human source code is stored in balls :O

output vs actual code

Why it is hard for general public to believe this is fake;
Nasa had performed an experiment in which they got this result an internal network 😂😂😂;
For God sake please don't try seeding torrents on NASA'S internal network 😂😂😂😂;

The effort I put into git commit messages directly reflects my mood and level of tiredness.

I was given a work to refactor one of my colleagues code and found that there was a variable named 'anal'. I was quite surprised seeing it as the colleague was a soft spoken and well behaved guy in office. After scratching my head for 15mins I came to know that he was storing analytics data in that variable. Hence the name! :-D

My most used function:
console.log

If your only experience is Uni, don't put skills down as 'Advanced' on your damn CV

Lower expectations, deliver results

That feeling when you solve a problem that you thought is gonna take you days in 10 mins.... Still believe that it's a trap 😐

Found out that the company I'm currently working, gave me only 6 mandatory holidays for this calendar year. When I asked my boss why is it too low, he got so furious as if I asked him to donate his kidney!

I love the skill requirements section of a junior Dev job advertisement.

To summarise "Basically you'll need all the skills and experience of a senior, but we are gonna pay you much much less". 😔

How it feels to touch instable code

Someone else's Code....😠😇

Weirdest co-worker? I met this one guy who preferred waterfall to agile development...

I feel weird if I go a day without writing any code

You must rant 6 - 5000 characters. fIGhT mE

I hate it when people dislike things because it’s cool.

“PHP is terrible,” they say.

Yeah! If it was any good then most websites on the Internet would be coded in it... oh wait.

“Nickelback suck,” they say.

Of course. That’s why they’ve never been able to make any money off their “terrible” music. Oops. Wrong again.

What other things are “cool” to hate just because people say so?

Today we have a client visiting work. Dressing like a proper business person is mandatory 🙄

If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark

etc etc..

God this code is hideous

* git blame *

Ahhhh

*slowly back away from the computer*

Finish this sentence :

“Everytime I code, ...”

My answer :
“Hope is not with me”

When someone comes to your desk and asks "did you get my slack message".... Which they sent 23 seconds ago 😒

Giving functions exciting names so you can feel like a Bond villain while programming:

execute(); destroy(); fire(); isDead();

When developers can't use Regex:

'Your credit card number cannot contain spaces'

ಠ_ಠ

Moment when your boss catches you reading dev-rants while you are supposed to be working...

Writing clean code is what you must do in order to call yourself a professional. There is no reasonable excuse for doing anything less than your best. - Clean Code

*Writes a recursive function that works first time*

*Feels like programming God*

Merge conflicts in git I guess 😄

When I revisit old code that's not commented.

I wonder how much of my life I have spent waiting for 'npm install'

A new item in the 2018 bazzel-less world

🖥💻💻

When I got my first PC the famous Pentium 1. It just hooked me. The struggle was real back then tho....

Has Google forgotten to take down toolbar.google.com ?

When your code is working without any errors. And without any help the first time you compile it.

The only valid measurement of code quality

So... Yeah... Code quality

!rant
Just started working for a new company. Super cool. Just like the last one (as far as perks), except they actually trust their devs.

Old company: Make sure your code is extensible
Devs at old company: You know it's not written in stone right?
Old company: Does that mean you can make it do this?
Devs at old company: No. That's the wrong code base

New company: I need a feature. Get it done when you can
New company devs: Well, guess I'll take some time to refactor all this stuff while I'm at it
~Some time later~
New company: Thanks, that feature works great!

No staring over shoulders, asking when it will be done. No asking why we want to refactor something. As long as work continues to flow, there are no issues. It's great!

Also, if we want to try a new tech, we just have to put together a short paper explaining why it will work better in that situation than the tech that's already in place.

Video call interviews are the best! You don’t even need trousers...

Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!

When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...

I write code too

When your boss tells you to work on legacy PHP4 codebase...

I wish I could do TDD on my life decisions

Modularise your code. It makes it very readable.

when you spend hours trying to patch code you poorly structured of which 30 minutes is enough to rewrite the whole damn thing.

Oh dear god no

So I walked into a business the other day where they make flyers and business cards etc. Wanted something specific so went to what they call their "developers". So they have some kind of dodgy pdf editor open there and I know exactly what I want so I asked can you take a RGB color..... the reaction was glassy eyes. And after that the woman started to scream at me and telling me that I have no idea what it is like to be a "Developer". Ended up walking out and going to another place.....

Today my code is like this

Maintaining other people’s code is a form of torture

Nothing like saturday morning dev and wifey making you breakfast of the year.

Sometimes I get so frustrated seeing my old code, I wanna travel back in time and slap myself!

Confession: every now and then a Google search for a JS function or something directs me to W3schools. And I proceed to use it. And I'm not afraid to admit this!!

Programming on a train is always interesting. I expect a minimum of one dirty/confused look off a member of the public.

When people include the entire jQuery library to animate one single div 😑

Just entered my password, looked at devrant on my phone, looked back on the screen. "Here you go f**kwhit, I turned into the blue screen of death just because I didn't had your attention"
Did this another time while writing this rant. F**K OFF Winderp!

My rant of the day is not being able to use the latest version of PHP with the latest features because my host only provides 5.6!

Thanks from England!

With my code :p

Why night code is better than morning code ?

nobody toucha ma spaghetti code

Curious did any of you have a specific reason to learn how to program?

I wanted to be involved in aerospace but realised I'd probably never be an Astronaut, but i could learn how to write the software that controls the spacecrafts!

Set my alarm 25 minutes earlier to check out this awesome thing called devRant. Before I start my day. 😎

This happened 3 years ago in my previous company. It was a small start up company and we worked on PHP stack. One of the its ex-founders had written Windows Mobile App which now had to be upgraded with new features. So we hired this new dot net guy. I always thought dot net guys were ELITE coders and was excited to see how they work.
While I played Xbox and had fun, our dot net guy stuck to his workstation furiously working. My boss who was casually strolling out of his office for a stretch saw dot net guy working hard and suggested we all developers should take him as an example.
20 days went by and each day the dot net guy did the same. He came, he silently worked on his workstation, he left in the evening. In those 20 days my boss asked twice to the dot net guy if he has finished features he was assigned but he said he did not. After a month when he said the same negative answer and had nothing to show for the work he has done he was fired.
I was so curious to see what code that ELITE coder had written for a month but could not deliver a feature(Maybe some error he could not fix?). So I open the code repo on which he worked and I see 30 commits from that guy to it. He had made a single commit each day(Fair enough he wants to commit everday before leaving). It was time to check his commit diffs to see his ELITE code. What do I find? In every fucking commit he either added a blank line to the DocBlock or removed the same. Nothing less nothing more! So much for the hyped not-so-ELITE dot net guy...

At the first company I worked for out of college, the CEO was a bit like a child. Whenever he came up with a new feature he wanted to add to the product, it had to be done asap otherwise we were going to "miss the boat." Every single time.

So rewind to a few years ago. It's a normal day at work and then suddenly my team lead and the CEO call my team into the conference room. The CEO starts telling us about this industry conference (we were in online dating) that was happening and this flashy new company dating company was going to be showing off this awesome search feature.

Naturally, our CEO concocted a Hail Mary plan of how our company was going to upstage this company and get all of the press to write about us instead. Basically, the "plan" was for us to build a brand new search feature of our own, in the week before the conference, and then he stated that the press would "have to write about us because ours will be better."

Everyone on my team knew it was ridiculous but we were pretty young and naive so we busted our asses to get this search feature out the door in the short week. The Friday before we stayed until like 2 AM. It was a little bit fun because the people on my team were cool, but the whole situation was absurd and no one, except the CEO, thought this had any chance of working.

Annnnddd in the end we didn't get an ounce of press, the search feature was pulled from our site, and the "awesome" company that we were so worried about getting all the press is out of business. But hey, we did get it done!

Who is excited to watch Snowden movie with Joseph Gordon Levitt as Snowden?

Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!

Sublime Text is a great editor but the fact that active development on it has seemed to come to a hault sucks.

Ranting ranter ranted a rant on ranting ranter ranting

Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!

Don't drink and dev. Doesn't end well.

If I made £1 for every new JavaScript framework that came out, i would never need to work again.

Are any of you guys sentimental about your early programming efforts? I still have my first few simple Python programs on my computer, from years ago!

print("hello world")

How I feel when my code works.

Bae: i <3 u
Me: Uncaught SyntaxError: Unexpected identifier

What the fuck?

Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!

We liked your portfolio work, but could you please show us an example of a Fibonacci sequence

ಠ_ಠ

A refactor a day keeps the doctor away!

Bank holiday weekend setup...

I tried so hard and debugged so far
But in the end it didn't even matter
As I rewrote function call to loose it all!

Trying to reuse scuffed code...

I named an alias variable feedItem in my database query but I keep accidentally typing feetItem. I have no one to blame but myself.

Think I like Dev rant so far

I always get a kick out of it when I get to read a hilarious email that was sent in to customer service about our product where the customer is so pissed that they curse everyone out and then they call out the programmers too. "You should fire all your programmers too, they suuckk!!!"

if(night){
sleep(12*60*1000);
}else{
//TODO update when you get a job
sleep(12*60*1000);
}

Came here for the stickers and the stress ball.
Stayed because of the hilarity.

Here's your first project, you need to fix bugs in IE you can do that on this MacBook. :/
Ummm..

devRant is great. It's like Yik Yak but for things I can relate to!

when you had to indent the code everytime you work on someone else's code

Man collapses in the street, his wife "help, we need a doctor".

Dev speaks up "I did recently move to a standing desk"

But Why ??
Saw this I a project that my company wanted me to fix and maintain. There are more hilarious things like this. (I will keep you updated)
and I am finding things like this in the code.

$a = 1;
$b = 2;
echo ($a < $b) ? ($a > $b) ? 'This is totally fine' : ($a < $b) ? 'This is not ok!' : 'Perfect' : 'No problem here';

Why do people do this?!

(And I mean nested ternary ifs, not coding in PHP :P)

When your app is full of bad code

Do you guys ever feel like you lose the ability to be objective about your own work. I've looked at my website for so long now, I don't know if I think it's good or not...

How do you politely tell a colleague that his/her code is shit?

Plugging in my phone into my computer doesn't charge it but it definitely makes it die slower 😂😂

A coder and a non-coder were travelling on a boat together. Due to some reason there was a hole in that boat and it started to drown. Non-coder survived but coder didn't. Why? Coder thought it was just another loop hole which he could fix using his laptop. So much for his confidence!

Duno what some guys are struggling with....

99% disk usage? Ah, Windows is updating. Guess I'll just go ahead and get nothing done then. Oh, devRant!

I always stalk my code if it runs perfectly. I wonder that *Did I write this code?*

Duplication of code is 'evil'...

I don't know my problem is. I lost my motivation to code, my enthusiasm and excitement to read a code and solve a problem. My love of my life for 6 years whom I thought she's the one, gave up on us. It was a long journey, lots of ups and downs, but really worth the time and sacrifice. Now, she's doing good, very happy on her life judging from her social media. Can't believe she just moved for 2 months. To be honest, i want her to be happy but quite bitter that she just moved on quite fast. And I don't if this is the reason why I lost my motivation and enthusiasm to code. Or maybe I just don't like the project we're working on. Well, I really don't like it since it's a mobile game, I really want to build webapp or mobile app but it's too late to change the project.

I'm not like this, I used to code until morning without noticing the time, excited to solve a problem that stuck on me for quite a while. I really became a lazy person right now. I feel the pressure to finish the project but I don't see myself working on it, I don't feel interested reading a code. I just play computer games instead of working on my project during my free time. I don't know if I'm depressed. I socialized with people, have fun, happy when I'm with them, but when I'm alone, sadness starts to creep in. I feel like there's an empty void in myself. I don't know, i just want the motivation and energy to work on my project. Im tired, lazy, and feeling burnt out. If you read until this very last sentence, thank you and I'm sorry for reading this nonsense.

I find it way easier to read code than ordinary text.

Am I the only one? Do I have a problem?
After the first sentence my I eyes can't focus to keep reading text. This also happens to my native language except from English.

Ok... Now the fun stuff can begin :)

I was an introvert while growing up hence I found interacting with non-living things easier. When I was 11 i.e. like 17 years I told my parents to enroll me into computer classes. They didn't see much of a future in it so they refused. I fought hard and finally they agreed. Hence started my journey with computers.

First week all students were allowed to explore the computer we were assigned and also were taught to play basic Windows 95 default games to make it interesting. It was all fun. Next week the teacher said he would be teaching us how to tell computer to do what we want i.e. programming. Hearing that I could make my computer do what I want excited me a lot. I felt I could finally communicate to a computer. This is how I learnt BASIC. I was so amazed I could do so many things like take input and do calculations etc. I decided I would do this kind of job in the future if it exists.

So now I am actually doing what I wanted to do when I started programming i.e. coding job!

Dev rant needs to work more on their algos to show rants! Since I posted one bout php , every other rant I see is bout php now and I think I just shot in my feet with this rant 😂oh whatever.

Amen...

body {
overflow-x: hidden;
}

is a bit like trying to fix a broken arm by wearing a long sleeve shirt 😅

Are people using Vim doing it for the sake of it? Is there such a thing as a Vim hipster?

I mean, nano is just nicer 😇

"Deleted code is debugged code." - Jeff Sickel

Got my stickers and did a ballsy move and stuck them on my work laptop !!

I used to code by myself... then came to know about stack overflow...
Game Over !!!

Code Quality

Code Works

Writing one dev-rant a day keeps dev-frustrations away!

Worst interview was when I attended interview for the position of PHP and the interviewer started grinding me with C++ questions starting with STLs. Could not answer most of them, interviewer said to get my act together and try again after 3 months. Nope not gonna happen!

That feeling when you're finally done with a pretty big PR and ready to go live. You excitedly send it out to a few of your peers, and then... 20 comments! The real work has just begun 😭

If actions didn't have consequences then sprint planning would make for an excellent nap time. 💤

When an intern gives me suggestions on technology stack to use for the new application I'm building...

RPG
(Guild Wars 2, Diablo3)

I don't know why... But I cringe when somebody says "coding", "coder". Maybe it's because it's an Americanism...

Service's like freelance and people per hour are a farce. It's just a constant race to the bottom price-wise.

'Yeah sure I can make you a blog website in 24 hours for £5'

I said - Son, Im afraid I think my mother is turning into a string...

He said - Who NaN?

A designer who doesn't have taste of it.

The first 30 minutes of a working day often consist of me saying, "who broke this then?" Then a liberal use of git blame.

When you don’t even understand some old code you wrote 🤔😩😂

Can you code a code that codes?
Can that code, code a code that codes a code?
So basically that code, can code itself.
So a self code code then, huh 😂😂🤣😁😀

So we have this team that deploys some code. We had a change in that code that "we" forgot about. Turns out, a dev on our team decided it would be cool to rename an endpoint. Why? Great question. Because. So this code gets deployed, but the call to that endpoint didn't get deployed. System 2 tries to call the endpoint, 404. We roll back, we're searching, after like an hour, we find it. We go to TFS to see who did it. The dev grabs my keyboard and starts checking diffs, somehow managing to skip their commit (from 5 months earlier). I take back my keyboard and *surprise* it was the commit that was skipped. WTF? Why did you rename that endpoint? What do you mean you didn't do it? It has your name right there!

HOW to write code?
mE:we are actually typing the code

You know your day is gonna be bad when it's Monday and you are told to work on a badly written legacy flash application!

My brain= processor
Your mouth= raw data
I only process the logic that comes out of your mouth and typecast it to my system's logic and try to fit you in one of my objects using a visitor pattern.if I need to create a new dynamic object , my system throws a "you are special" message.

Look what my gf got me a couple weeks ago.

Hex code

Any ideas on handling large file uploads using PHP efficiently?

npm install yarn

I feel guilty...

If you are writing all your code from scratch, you are probably an amateur.
If you are copying and pasting most of your code, you are probably a beginner.

So made my PI a little torrent machine. So that my parents can watch the movies they want when they want.

"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita

The lead developer is away this week, what will I do if somebody asks me for a deadline 😰

Developers probably use yellow as the default color of emojis since it's the best balance between all the possible pigmentation of the human skin.

Desk fans whirling. Sweating co-workers. An extra short stand-up.

That's right, the English summer has arrived.

This is how non devs imagine our devs. They tend to think a huge change is this quick. Meanwhile back at the ranch it will take a while and a lot more concentration.