Acknowledge my code 😂

So today this Mother F**ker get HR to back him up to accuse me of not communicating well in the team because I consistently asked him (the code owner) why he kept coding not following the coding guideline.

How is it not communicating? He literally ghosted me and blocked me every time I ask him questions. Which I somewhat don't understand what he is trying to do. HR lady told me that a senior software engineer should have the knowledge to understand everything and all the code.

But the code looks like this :

No-code platforms always like to forget that writing the code is *literally* the easiest part of software development 🙄

Even your IDE is sick of that utter bullshit you call "code".

I’m surrounded by idiots.

I’m continually reminded of that fact, but today I found something that really drives that point home.

Gather ‘round, everybody, it’s story time!

While working on a slow query ticket, I perused the code, finding several causes, and decided to run git blame on the files to see what dummy authored the mental diarrhea currently befouling my screen. As it turns out, the entire feature was written by mister legendary Apple golden boy “Finder’s Keeper” dev himself.

To give you the full scope of this mess, let me start at the frontend and work my way backward.

He wrote a javascript method that tracks whatever row was/is under the mouse in a table and dynamically removes/adds a “.row_selected” class on it. At least the js uses events (jQuery…) instead of a `setTimeout()` so it could be worse. But still, has he never heard of :hover? The function literally does nothing else, and the `selectedRow` var he stores the element reference in isn’t used elsewhere.

This function allows the user to better see the rows in the API Calls table, for which there is a also search feature — the very thing I’m tasked with fixing.

It’s worth noting that above the search feature are two inputs for a date range, with some helpful links like “last week” and “last month” … and “All”. It’s also worth noting that this table is for displaying search results of all the API requests and their responses for a given merchant… this table is enormous.

This search field for this table queries the backend on every character the user types. There’s no debouncing, no submit event, etc., so it triggers on every keystroke. The actual request runs through a layer of abstraction to parse out and log the user-entered date range, figure out where the request came from, and to map out some column names or add additional ones. It also does some hard to follow (and amazingly not injectable) orm condition building. It’s a mess of functional ugly.

The important columns in the table this query ultimately searches are not indexed, despite it only looking for “create_order” records — the largest of twenty-some types in the table. It also uses partial text matching (again: on. every. single. keystroke.) across two varchar(255)s that only ever hold <16 chars — and of which users only ever care about one at a time. After all of this, it filters the results based on some uncommented regexes, and worst of all: instead of fetching only one page’s worth of results like you’d expect, it fetches all of them at once and then discards what isn’t included by the paginator. So not only is this a guaranteed full table scan with partial text matching for every query (over millions to hundreds of millions of records), it’s that same full table scan for every single keystroke while the user types, and all but 25 records (user-selectable) get discarded — and then requeried when the user looks at the next page of results.

What the bloody fucking hell? I’d swear this idiot is an intern, but his code does (amazingly) actually work.

No wonder this search field nearly crashed one of the servers when someone actually tried using it.

Asdfajsdfk.

Interviewer: "I'll checked your GitHub, your side projects looks very interesting! Tell me about your other hobbies. "

Me:"Other hobbies? "

I would absolutely love it if people would write their own stupid code instead of blindly mixing everyone else's mental diarrhea together and pouring the resulting mess into their bloody stupid IDE. At least then I could insult them properly. As it is, they're outsourcing their fucking stupidity to the lowest fucking bidder and then bragging about how quickly they get everything done. And management eats it up! No wonder everything is a slow, tangled, unmaintanable mess.

I can't fix much of anything because almost none of it is in my control. It's all autogenerated bullshit glued together with laziness and poor taste. "But Root, why is fixing this taking so long?" Gee, I wonder why. Maybe if someone had built it somewhere in realm of correctly the first time, it wouldn't have all fallen apart when someone looked at it the wrong way!

Seriously, there's no way this pile of stale fertilizer could have passed QA.

@dfox Can we have the option to include code blocks in rants and comments? So that they're formatted as monospace text? I mean we can get around it with pictures, but it would be a nice option to include code with an appropriate font. =)

Manager: our file IO is slow, any suggestions to make it faster?

Code: multithread writing to a few hundred small (temp) files then single thread combine to one big file and delete the temp files.

Eyes: bleeding

Theory:
The least experienced developers write code with the higest complexity.

My current company is moving to a no code platform.

Also me planning to moving into another company :)

Start working on ticket
Looks at code
WTF is the shit?
Open devRant to rant
1.5 hours later
what was I doing?

1. Applied to a tech company based in Seattle
2. Interviewed
3. Got rejected because "At the moment, they do not hire international students."

Then, why did you interview me in the first place? :')

Given a couple of lines of code, I can predict with an 80% accuracy which of my team mates wrote it.

My default algorithm

Behold the PHP pyramid of doom!
You know what kind of code is coming... a big pile of shite! 😍

Obviously you have to return by reference (&) because of performance and memory reasons. ☝️🤓

Man... I've seen code...

Interviewer: "Using this 2D array and calculate.."
Me: "This input isn't a 2D array though. Do you want me to parse or construct a 2D array then.."
"It is a 2D array."
"Uh.. ok..and if it's not what if we.."
"Look my notes say you must use this input, and treat it as a 2D Array"
"What if I wrote a function for a 2D array similar to this input, but actually a 2D array"
"You must use only the input provided"
Me: does rain dance code for 20 minutes.
Interviewer: "hmm, maybe it wasn't a 2D Array. I like your efforts but that's all the time we have today."

I promise I can code, sometimes. It does help to have correct questions to give correct answers.

Manager: How’s the progress coming along?

Dev: The section of code I’m working with is one of the more difficult ones so it’s a little slow

Manager: Ok well I didn’t write that section of the code

Dev: I’m not saying you did I’m just giving you the status update that you asked for

Manager: Ok well I can’t really do anything about that so how about you tell me something I can do something about instead of just complaining about code THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!! *Marks self as offline*

Dev: …

"This will fail in 2022, but there's no way my code is still gonna be used then"
- Some Microsoft engineer in the '90s

haha, I've got to start adding this to all of my code...

I’m happiest about code I deleted.

Deleted code is easy to maintain, easy to read and it makes applications run faster.
Moreover applications take less disk space and are faster to download.

The more happy than about deleted code I’m about deleted software or destroyed computers.

"Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live" - J.F. Woods

The source code to Linux has been leaked

Managers who don't code

I am an idiot. I wrote some 100+ lines of code months ago and I took another look today and it seems like it could've done the same thing in 3. Fuckity fuck fuck.

My graduation project partner was strange person

Favorite IDE is VIM

Forget how to use git

But somehow she could code most of the app

I asked what does she do when mistake happens, she answered "delete and write again"

I suggest github but she is "to embarrassed to show her code on internet"

She send .zip file of her code to me

Go to univ library to copy some code because she don't believe random code on internet

Of course verson of code on book in library is too old, but she prefer fix herself

But she is overall good person, so I can graduate next month

When you ask for documentation and they hand you a Word document with screenshots of the changed code

Web api response with a 200 status code

{
error: ".......",
errorCode: "..."
}

Grinds my gears

When you have to support over 20 years of legacy code.

Math and Code are Friends

Do NOT "compress" your code by leaving out braces in control structures and putting the 300 char statement on the same fucking line as the control structure!
Yes, your code file becomes vertically shorter than the usual 3000 lines, BUT my brain tumor proportionally grows larger.

These little mascots are protecting my server and ensuring only the cleanest of code is written 😂

My advisor thought that my MCL algorithm behaves a bit strange, so he wanted me to investigate it. I said I'd be happy to review the code because I anyway considered refactoring, and asked if I can have another pair of eyes to help me.
A more senior PhD student was assigned to help me, and by the suggestion of my advisor we tested my code against a very well-written and well-performing implementation of MCL. This implementation was written by another professor, who is a close friend of my advisor and the actual supervisor of the student assigned to help.
But this implementation was optimized for a very specific type of maps, and on the maps I worked on it just failed consistently. The student, in a misguided attempt to protect the pride of his advisor and subsequently his, wasted days adding code and fine-tuning the implementation.
In the meantime, my MCL has a stable configuration that converges on both types of maps. It behaves differently, but the outcome is about the same as the other implementation.
I am a little sick of wasting my time (week+) on someone else's attempt to reassure their ego, so I'm doing my planned research work on the weekend...

I actively avoided looking at my coworker code because i didnt want to micro manage. God i was so wrong

code consists of many sad dudes.

Me, talking to a colleague:
"No, thats impossible. The problem can not be in my code. Let me show you why. You see, the code does this, and than it goes here, and then… oohhhh…. I’ve found the bug."

big companies have the shittiest code.

There ain’t no feeling like replacing 6 lines of code with 6 characters of Regex.

My manager doesn’t like code comments, want us to remove from PRs 🤦🏻‍♂️🤦🏻‍♂️

Just spent 10+ hours refactoring a code, and at the end I've figure it out a one line fix to the problem... just wasted 10 hours of my life.. :)

You wanna know why PHP has such a poor reputation?
It's because of imbeciles who code like this:

I've told the same story multiple times but the subject of "painfully incompetent co-worker" just comes up so often.

I have one coworker who never really grew out of the mindset of a college student who just took "Intro to Programming". If a problem couldn't be solved with a textbook solution, then he would waste several weeks struggling with it until eventually someone else would pick up the ticket and finish it in a couple days. And if he found a janky workaround for a problem, he'd consider that problem "solved" and never think about it again.

He lasted less than a year before he quit and went off to get a job somewhere else, leaving the rest of our team to comb through his messy code and fix it. Unfortunately, our team is mostly split across multiple projects and our processes were kind of a mess until recently, so his work was a black box of code that had never been reviewed.

I opened the box and found only despair and regret. He was using deprecated features from older versions of the language to work around language bugs that no longer existed. He overused constants to a ridiculous degree (hundreds of constants, all of which are used exactly once in the entire codebase, stored in a single mutable map variable named "values" because why not). He didn't really seem to understand DRY at all. His code threw warnings in the IDE and had weird errors that were difficult to reproduce because there was just a whole pile of race conditions.

I ended up having to take a figurative hacksaw to it, ripping out huge sections of unnecessary crap and modernizing it to use recent language features to get rid of the deprecation warnings and intermittent errors. And then I went through the same process again for every other project he'd touched.

Good riddance.

Never be egoisitc about your code. Its good to feel proud on your code that you did it. but sharing is caring.. don;t be like only I can do this.. ego is not for dev community.. be adaptable for changes whether you learn from junior or senior :)

karens on stack overflow...

Twitch returning errors with 200 status code

WHY
ARE
YOU
WRITING
CODE

Going live on a Friday night, and you haven't written any tests 🤗

if (time >= 10)
{
SleepyTime();
}
else
{
WriteCode();
}

Devs : Lets pick library X, it is well know piece of open source technology, actively maintained by community for over 10 years.
Architect : NAH, it is an overkill to use it in our project , lets build our own solution.
*2 Months later*
The code base is hundreds of thousands lines of code, we basically started to look at library X on GitHub to copy features or get inspiration from that code. In that time we delivered 0 business value, it is horrible to use it and we constantly adding something or bugfixing because no one thought about something in first place.

When you no longer understanding your code, the feeling 😂

Code snippets without dependencies ❤️

it finally arrived

IS IT REALLY SO FUCKING HARD TO CARE ABOUT CODE QUALITY AND READABILITY FFS

When you realize all personal projecrs end up being proof of concept prototypes working just for you and youd be ashamed if someone looked at the code behind it.

Nightmare IRL:

Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.

You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.

Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.

Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.

PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"

FML

I see AI autocorrecting code in ide before it gets compiled and complex ui getting exported from psd to code in few seconds

Do you think being a great software engineer is simply hard work and passion?
Or there is also a component of natural affinity, certain personality traits, etc.

I think what would help is to teach them these things:
- awareness for security in code
- how to use a fucking VCS like Git and how it works

code != cold .....

Have any JabbaScripters ever heard of backwards compatibility?

Nope. Because all the shit on NPM is written by 15-year olds who don't know how to code properly, not to say maintain their packages.

Fuck you.

"Writing good code is a charity". ( - saves time, effort, mental-health, & career of next developer).

I just joined a new organization and saw a single file with 9433 lines of code. Advance RIP to me.

First code review ever, and it's for my job.

Guy was really nice and polite.
Even correctly guessed I don't have much experience with professional coding outside my associates degree and prior job where I was the only programmer most of the time I was there.

Said that since it works functionally and is such a small program there's nothing wrong with it if it meets our purposes ( low priority project )

Then he politely in his words 'nitpicks' 3 points and gives me ideas on how to make it more reliable and less likely to need replaced or completely refactoring in the future.

I think my first time getting code reviewed went well. And one of the things he mentioned was something I didn't know how to do and only took 20 some minutes to implement so I also learned something new from this

Short one, but it really gets me every time:

PLEASE tell me that I am not the only one typing hex-numbers in all caps!!!

I literally can't stand to see them in lowercase!!!

Every code I use with hex numbers in it (primarily ASM and C) I HAVE TO convert them into uppercase!!!

Is it just me and my stupid OCD or are there other ones like me????

What's a bigger sin.

Returning a status code of 200 and then the message body saying "An Error Occurred"

or

Only performing data validation on the frontend.

Fuck this completely abysmal CMS!!!!
Not even god damn Einstein would be smart enough to understand this stinky pile of legacy code!
No, it's not enough to write an HTML template in PHP with less than 500 lines of code, noooooo, every god damn template HAS TO BE AT LEAST 3000 FUCKING LINES OF CODE WITH RANDOM INCLUDES EVERYWHERE!!!
Every fucking thing I fix spawns at least 2 new bugs! I FUCKING CAN'T!!!
I swear, if I meet these fucking worms of developers... someone will eat fresh turds mixed with puke from a highway toilet!

Don’t comment bad code—rewrite it.

how I learned to code

Is it common to look at code you wrote 1 to 2 years ago and think "what the hell was i thinking, this mess needs refactoring"?

[CMS Of Doom™]
Imagine bringing every HTTP Query Param and every god damn fucking POST var into to current code context.
"extract()" is one of the reasons why I have terminal PHPTSD.

2022 Dev Goal: Find a way to retire early so I never have to build another website or write another line of code again. It’s been over 25 years and I’m just done and over it.

The truth behind Ai

While I code...

More adventures of working with data scientists:

Doing combinatorial analysis.

One of the post processing scripts throws away combinatorial information, analyses significance of individual data points instead.

Code was so complicated, nobody noticed.

Y u no work code?!? hahah 😂

Modern programming is like racing against the Universe: programmers try to make code for every idiot, the Universe breeds new kinds of idiots. So far, the Universe is winning outright.🧬

Regarding my last rant:
I have all my 3 Raspberrys set up for seti@home now, reporting to twitter and my own "surveillance" system for them.
The system is still ugly, the code is ugly but that's getting improved next!

I came to this company. I saw spaghetti code. I told myself to write clean code and also clean the existing code. I took too much pressure for too little return. I am done with this shit. I will now write clean code but fuck the old spaghetti code!

do you guys ever use the mouse?

First time committing a ticket is scary… I can’t stop thinking how my colleagues and tech lead gonna look at my code and question me if I lied on my resume…

Ughhhhhh. This fucking code is a disaster! The guy says he built it DRY, but it's WET as fuck! So much fucking repeated code!

I'm annoyed most because I know that it'd be a fucking waste of time to try and rebuild what these guys have built over the past 5 years, but goddamn it, it shouldn't be an excuse to keep on making code like this!

I know that I'm not super experienced in C# but pick up a goddamn book on good coding practices. This thing is a disjointed mess and it never had to get this way.

So many fucking interfaces!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I downloaded Lapsus$ source code leaks from samsung, nvidia and microsoft, looked at them and I think I’ll delete it cause I don’t like shitty code on my personal computer.

Nothing is as boring and frustrating as cloning a ripo from GitHub
run it then you get 3, 4 syntax errors
you fix them
then boom a library throws a hug ass exception

at that point I just delete the damn thing

to code as little as possible next year

Sometimes my boss wants me to fire a bullet without a gun, they want me to throw the bullet so hard that it feels like it was shot via a gun.

Maintaining a legacy app sucks so bad when you don't even have the full codebase and some douche bag decided to just randomly throw the codebase on the fucking SVN. 😠

Current Job Title:
Hoarder Bug Exterminator
Details:
Fixing code for projects that have not been refactored ever in 20+ years.

dress code really brings me to the reality of going back to the office

"What do you do for a living?"

I go to meetings, write Jira tickets, and occasionally I code

Manager : you are fired

Me: *pausing Netflix*
Me : why?

to anyone who says girls can’t code because they have no skill and therefore shouldn’t be in a high position because they have no dick,

I’ll show you how I code with my girl skills, I’ll fire you with my girl position, and I’ll fuck you with my girl dick.

Oh my god my brain is hard wired to write c++ in snake case. Spent 4 years doing it. This code base uses camel case.

In India, the most common languages are: English, Hindi & JavaScript.

developer: *deploying spaghetti code to production*
hacker: *alters the code with an injection*
developer:

During my rookie days I used to glorify the fact that I wrote production grade code using vim.

Lol, explains why I would delay on delivery

Never write at the limit of your talents! Remember: debugging is always twice as hard as writing code. And if you write as cleverly as you can, you won't be able to debug it anymore.🧠

uSE AnY pRogrAmMinG L@ngu@g3 yOu liKe.

1nTervi3weRs Do N0t CarE aBouT tHe L@nGuAge.

Fuck you. Stop asking time complexity or space complexity of functional code. No one fucking knows.

Really should stop not caring about access modifiers. Nearly everything I code is public.

Bad dev habit I'm trying to fix?

Code addiction.

Habit I'm trying to fix?
Doing it all myself. I've been timeboxing my problems and forcing myself to ask instead of forcing myself to just figure it out myself. Communication isn't my strong point.

Weekly Group Rant suggestion: What anti-pattern exists that still keeps being propagated or infecting other areas of your code base (like a virus)?

Code samples/screen-shots required.

Those who code their software with no standard are those people who once attempt to launch themselves to Mars with a catapult.

Have a nice weekend programmer's!!!!!

I hope your code behaves on Monday the same way it did on Friday.....🤣😂🤣

make code change

stop server

try to re run server

dependency problems

java, tomcat, gradle , eclipse, just kill me, dont torture me like this

So today my pr needed approval. One of the lines of code created a unique ID using the uuid4 functionality.
I got a reject saying I didn't handle a case where I would get the same uuid twice.
Well, I guess it would be the problem of the developer working on my code in a couple thousands of years 🤷‍♂️

"If you're writing a lot of code to do something, you're probably doing it wrong." - Marco Cantu

What's the funniest comment you've ever come across in someone else's code? 🙃

Algorithm: A word used by programmers when they don't want to explain how their code works

There are devs who are chill. Then there's me. Deadlines give me anxiety. Being responsible for the code I didn't write and being blamed for the bugs I inherited stress me out.

I geeked at this. Just, YES! 😂😂

Any tips on how to properly document my code? I'm going to start my first internship soon so I need to learn it.

The “if” statement works the same in every* language, so if you can code in one language, you can code in most of them.

*Terms and conditions apply.

I'd say it was when I did a Codereview and the dev said that he doesn't really know how the code works and he doesn't quite know what it's purpose is supposed to be.
We are talking about less then 200 lines, all written by himself, this is not copied code.

Just linked to this on a code review.

Who the fuck accepted this garbage copy pasted code all over the place?! Ah, it was our "tech lead", cool.

If your “solution” fixes the test case which is failing, it does NOT guarantee that it is the correct fix. You don’t just blindly change whatever piece of code you like to make just the test case pass. You actually also need to analyse the code and ensure that the rest of the intended functionality is still intact.

I’m trying to explain the theory behind ‘Rubber Duck Debugging’ and to be honest, they don’t believe me 😂 they say I’m drunk. Help me out here, who else uses a rubber duck or something similar to help debug code?

delete unused code according to IDE

unit with context tests now fail

what is a good alternative industry or career instead of software development

The "code":

Sometimes it takes too long to fix it :(

Alright, it looks like everyone at this bank, a client, I work for will now start avoiding me. I'm usually the only person that takes the time to review PRs and give a feedback. Everyone just seem to click accept because they can't be bothered.

A few months down the line, they begin to wonder why there is so many tech all over the place.

Good luck to anyone that wants me to review their PRs. I pledge to continue to take the time to review PRs and give feedback. I will not be pressured to click the accept button on what I perceive to be sub-optimal code. So help me God.

Bad dev habit I am trying to fix: copy-pasting code without understanding

The most shittiest feeling in competitive programming is when your code passes all the test cases except the last three. 🤓😌

Well-written source code is beautiful.
Ugly stuff should be re-written.

Sometimes I get bored and fix people's shitty code on stack overflow for fun

It's actually entertaining...

But as infuriating as you'd imagine

Dev: Woah look at this code! I might be a genius!

Also dev a few months later: Woah WTH is this shit? Was I totally dumb or what?

The project is nowhere near complete, the customers are waiting for demo/proof of concept. the code is spaghetti and I'm burned out.

Oh, and I'm a solo dev.

I’m excited because VM based languages such as Java are no longer in their prime on desktop and server and languages which compile directly to machine code (Go, Rust, Swift…) are finding a broader audience

Interns in any company the solution is commethe code

There is a commercially sold ERP solution that has it's DB schema in excel and Other documentations in MS Word. And its not even properly structured, no schema diagrams, last updated for a 4 year old major release 😒😫.
I have to develop a custom module for it and that requires building an ActivexDLL Project in VB fucking 6 😭😭 .

VB6
Unstructured Documentation
Legacy code
Incomplete documentation
FML

Tell me if you want ss in comments.

my frontend colleagues always keep amazing me with their create way of writing code:

```
const input = "a";

const result = {
"a": () => console.warn("A was selected"),
"b": undefined,
"c": () => console.log("hello")
}[input || "c"]?.();
```
Poor man's switch construct ... (facepalm)

Do you agree?

Junior: What are comments

Mid-level: Hah! My code is so clean, I don't NEED comments!

Senior: comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comments comme-...

Every work experience so far.

The first one... Internship abroad, very messy codebase, almost no code review.

At the end I was so tired I started watching movies during worktime.

Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development isn't just about code
Software development

// This line doesn't actually do anything, but the code stops working when I delete it.

**Sees a different error after hours of debugging the previous one**

ME (crying inside) - What type of sorcery is this?

When you have to edit a 100+ line method but you discover that it has 0 test coverage.
Feels bad :/

This is so nice..💙😄

<Heading> 
Synopsis of Gita (religious book of Hindus)

<Stanza 1> 
Code is an illusion
Today you are coding
Tomorrow someone else would do it
Thereafter someone else

<Stanza 2>
What did you learn
That is helping you in this Project
What are you learning
That will help you in your next Project

<Stanza 3>
Bug is the truth of life
It is today, and will remain forever
You think you have debugged the Bug
You are wrong

<Stanza 4>
It is continuous
In various new forms
It pops up
Recognise it Parth (Son of Hindu God)

<Stanza 5>
That's why go on making Codes
Don't think about the Bug
They will come to you
On their own

For the love of sex, can someone help me out??!!

There is a VS Code extension that helps in creating a step-by-step tutorial of a codebase. Can someone please tell me its name?!

Google is a bitch today.

Not leaning on unit tests. I usually write them after testing my code manually, and lose time for testing feature by hand.

Was reading this blog. COBOL started as a low code application for managers to write code in a language close to English.

The more things change, the more they remain retarded.

Is it bad habit to code on bed?

A legacy custom made WordPress Theme.

Old developer made main styling sheet with 8000+ lines of code with no component separation.

open file in eclipse while server is running

i haven't made any code changes or saved anything

ECLIPSE: I GOTTA REBUILD

Definition of code reviews in our company:

"Part of work that requires you to scroll to the bottom of the page and click accept button. Looking the changes is optional."

Have a great weekend!
I hope your code behaves the same on Monday as it did on Friday.

private static final int TEN = 10;
private static final double THOUSAND = 1000.0D;

[a copy-paste from our repo]

I get it. Hooks prevent code repetition. But personally I hate them. I don’t know why. I just don’t like writing them. Maybe it’s because I like writing “this”. Weird, right?

all that decades spent on debuggers, strict typing, static analyzers, fucking unit tests
ima put frogs in my code so they eat bugs
S̸ ̶T̶ ̵O̴ ̴N̵ ̶K̶ ̸S̷

Man all I ever do is fix bugs in a giant overgrown calculator, that has references to code before I was even born. It might be new job time

always put timeouts on your connection code..number of times I see shit blocked forever ..and we know it’s not good to have your shit blocked

In my college, our professors force us to work in turbo C despite having better options available.

I'm getting tired of coding. Not really the coding part, the dealing with people who tell me what to code and why part. Sort of considering making a move into a scrum master or PM role just so I can get fired when I say "No, we're not changing everything they've been working on in the middle of the sprint" or maybe "Yeah, no we're not going to put in a bunch of tickets to change the UI/UX without first talking to the designers, because that's what they do. Yes, I realize we aren't Facebook, but do you realize we "compete" with them because a huge number of people will compare our usability to theirs? (even if just subconsciously)"

I would not consider myself an overachiever by any means, but I must say, I'm quite satisfied with my contributions this year at the new (relatively speaking) job. I got to go back to writing code almost every day, all day, and that sure as hell beats being in meetings all the goddamn time.

Algorithm: A word used by programmers when they don't want to explain how their code works.

I went down a rabbit hole of code changes to try and delete a stupid for loop with a break in it.

It was super stupid and I gave up and submitted to the fact that some battles are not worth the time and stress.

OK... But seriously, It was returning multiple entities from the database, but we only always want the first one. My logic is that we should just go in there and fix the LINQ so we are explicitly getting one entity out.

But fuck that logic. No I'll have to change fucking everything that's tied to that method and expects a list from it. Every fucking thing. That includes error handling, parsing, for loops..... Nevermind...

You can have your foreach and your break. I'm taking mine, now.

ugh... today i was this 🤏 close to quitting my incredibly boring job just because of an incredibly shitty code for which i had to write a test. i spent my entire day watching web series instead of writing test cases for this ugly shitty crappy 150 line java code.... ugh

They say in java Errors cannot be handled in developer code. But here my code handles a StackOverflowError. What is going on here?

Boss asks if the project will be finished today, I reply ‘yes’ and then realised I’d not pushed my code after working from home the previous day! Doh!

When I was in high school, I was learning to code on my own. I showed my python code that I was really proud of to the girl I liked. she didn't understand what it is, she thinks its weird, she thinks I'm weird.

She has a point.

Does anyone else have a home screen widget that is their contact details as a QR code?

And has anyone found a not-shit android app that'll do it?

I CBA to make one but also it's really useful. I hacked it together with an app that'll scan a QR code and display it as a widget.

Now that I have to use Microsoft Teams chat, I don't find Slack that bad anymore. Teams doesn't support threads, source code is poorly formatted without any syntax highlighting, and emojis look shitty.

Deployments, a limerick:

there once was an ops guy from New York,
who was working on deploying a fork.
the docs were weak
the code memory leaked
in a half hour all of production was borked.

I never noticed the official name for git on the manual page is "the stupid content tracker"

If you hate Javascript so much just use Webassembly and write everything in C++.
Your code will probably take 10x longer to debug and write.
But hey, now all your segfaults will be exceptional!

Is there a name for the phenomenon whereby you iteratively modify code to try to fix a bug, with no apparent result, and then realize it's an entirely different part of the code causing the issue, but the parts you were modifying actually did need modifying too?

Why comment on the same thing during code review??

I submitted a PR and had to make a design choice that propagated throughout the module i was working on.

During code review, my coworker commented on every...single...line that this change effected asking "why are we doing x here?" instead of just creating ONE SINGLE THREAD with this question for discussion. There were at least 10 review comments on github from their one review that said "why X?"

Is this normal? Ive only had a few programming jobs and this is the first time this has happened to me.

personally, when someone makes a choice like that, i just make a comment and save the rest of the review until that is addressed.

its hella hard to code when I keep having to deal with people or join these meetings :/

Everytime i find a 3 line solution for my 50+ line of code on stackoverflow.

/me joining a new front-end project with enforced prettier rules to complete the build pipeline.

No double-quotes ! Single-quotes all the way !

- weird flex, but OK. I'll comply

No CRLF ! LF only !

- Ok, now you're starting to annoy me. With git autocrlf I can have my precious CR locally bu check in only LF and YOU CAN GIVE THE FUCK ABOUT WHAT LINE ENDINGS I USE LOCALLY WHEN EVERYTHING WILL BE CORRECT WHEN PUSHING COMMITS!

No semi-colons !

- Now I hate you

My family STILL doesn't know what I do to this day. I graduated 3 years ago and have been in the industry since. They think I'm a designer. 🙄 No, mom and dad. I CODE. 😂

Staring at my code like…

Yeah, fuck all the authentication/authorization framework I build, just access manage resources directly and leak stuff, assign it to wrong accounts and don't even check if they should be able to with that eye shore you call code

I'm doing a code review on a huge feature, basically touching every part of our authorization logic, and man... It's like my colleague writes his code to be as hard to read as possible. He's 60+ and you'd think he'd have learned how to write good and clear code, but nope. "Let's make it cool cool and I look like I'm a genius. And if I can spend 3 keystrokes less on a function I'm happy". Fuck me.

IDK why I get annoyed by underscores before private member names... Is i it useful or just an old relic?

Hey devs!!

I just can't stop myself from sharing this.

Its been two years now ... my junior is working. and now she is handling standalone WP projects.. but somehow her task got stucked so I was asked to help her.

So I just said check the count of variables and she messaged me with code .. Ma'am this isn't working .. Haha.. I mean come on she better can google out atleast for syntax :(

<?php if(count($content2 == 3) && count($interestt2 == 3))
{
print_r($content2);
print_r($interestt2);
}else{
echo "not checked";
}
?>

Code what you enjoy. Don't code what people say will "improve your skills." If something interests you, learn about it. Also, try broadening your interests. Learn new things that you may not have thought about before. It might be fun.

here it is

Finished up my first Advent of code today with python 👌

For now I decided to give less shits about bad code and the job. Unfortunately I am not resolute enough right now to steer a ship going in the wrong direction. Once clock hits 5 this homeboy is out.

If not understanding code, read the documentation or debug the code. When trying to modify...
1. Follow proper indentation.
2. Don't make spelling mistakes and follow naming convention.
3. Don't try to write all the code in one line (based on line length set)
4. Simplify if else statements if possible.
5. If value of method call need to be used once, don't store it in a variable. Directly use where ever it is needed.
6. If there is duplicated code, put it in separate method and re-use it if possible.

Fuck this shit

I’m interning at this place and the code is ALL OVER THE PLACE. I have to rewrite every damn function and the code base is so obfuscated and stupid on multiple levels. I’m sick of this shit and literally every damn thing needs to be rewritten from scratch

My biggest challenge is not telling the people who wrote code I get to maintain that it is a big pile of shit. My fear is I will forget I wrote said code and proceed to complain about said code. Then someone will point it out that I wrote said code. So it is kind of a self preservation strategy.

Also, in meetings, when my boss calls something a "piece of software", I have to refrain from giggling.

Can't stand more unproductive teams/zoom meetings anymore!!!

Fck this pandemic crap, let me code in peace!!!

The feeling of finding out the possible hole I left in an implementation I pushed last Friday and spent all weekend stressing about, was handled in another piece of code.. ahhhhhh 🤗

Maybe I should stop watching the office while I code, I have only gotten like 50 lines of code down in the last hour lol.

Wordpress: add content beneath the loop on category/archive pages. WHY IS THIS NOT JUST A PART OF ALL THEMES AT THIS POINT???

That moment where you're scared for you job because one of your merges seemingly broke the builds for the 2nd time in a week, had HR reach out, a more senior developer take over the ticket after it gets sent back from testing twice ONLY TO FIND OUT LATER IT WAS ANOTHER PERSONS TICKET THAT WAS CAUSING THE ISSUE