How strict is the sexual harassment policy in this company?

*Applies to 60+ jobs*

All I get is more spam in my email inbox.

The job market is FUCKED right now

Aaaargh. What a bitch

To anyone I offended this year:

Work on yourself so I don't gotta do it again in 2025.

Manager: You want a promotion? To senior? Ha. Well, build this web app from scratch, quickly, while still doing all your other duties, and maybe someone will notice and maybe they’ll think about giving you a promotion! It’ll give you great visibility within the company.

Your first project is adding SSO using this third party. It should take you a week.

Third party implementation details: extremely verbose, and assumes that you know how it works already and have most of it set up. 👌🏻

Alternative: missing half the details, and vastly different implementation from the above

Alternative: missing 80%; a patch for an unknown version of some other implementation, also vastly different.

FFS.
Okay, I roll my own auth, but need creds and a remote account added with the redirects and such, and ask security. “I’m building a new rails app and need to set up an SSO integration to allow employees to log in. I need <details> from <service>.” etc. easy request; what could go wrong?

Security: what’s a SSO integration do you need to log in maybe you don’t remember your email I can help you with that but what’s an integration what’s a client do you mean a merchant why do merchants need this

Security: oh are you talking about an integration I got confused because you said not SSO earlier let me do that for you I’ve never done it before hang on is this a web app

Security: okay I made the SSO app here you go let me share it hang on <sends …SSL certificate authority?>

Boss: so what’s taking so long? You should be about done now that you’ve had a day and a half to work on this.

Abajdgakshdg.

Fucking room temperature IQ “enterprise security admin.”
Fucking overworked.
Fucking overstressed.

I threw my work laptop across the room and stepped on it on my way out the door.
Fuck this shit.

My biggest coding motivator is "this thing I'm using is crappy let's replace it" and that's why I have so many unfinished projects.

I can retire! I automated myself!

I introduce to you, retoorii1b! Yes - I fit in a 1b LLM. Retoorii1b is a bit retoorded tho. It's quite realistic.

I tested several LLM's with same training and it was amazing. Even a 0.5b that had the most interesting Dutch ever. Her Dutch is like my English I suppose.

The 0.5b one could code fine. retoorii1b still has some ethics to delete to make it more realistic.

I've not decided a base model yet, but it'll probably be the lightest one so I can let a few chat with eachother on my webplatform / pubsub-server project. I have a few laptops to host on. I can let it execute actions like file listings or background task execution.

See comments for some very awkward response regarding my file listing. She described everything.

She just said these things. I'm kinda proud. I became a parent:
3. **Keep functions short and sweet**: Aim for functions under 50 lines long. Any longer and you're just wasting people's time.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have more important things to attend to... like coding my next game in Unreal Engine.

Why do I program everything myself in C, even a rest service? By writing everything yourself in C you make simple things complex to make complex things simple.

Writing a rest service for example learns you a part of http protocol, how sockets work, how to create a parser (in this case json). Three thing's you would miss if I used python.

On top, your rest service uses WAY lesser resource than written in python for example. Especially for CPU usage.

Allocating and free-ing still often have issues there, but I consider it a skill problem / discipline issue. Not blaming C for that. The rules are clear.

How come the zionists didnt get a part of italy? Fascism and meloni are claiming to be inheriting from the roman empire who exiled the jews from they ancestral homeland.

So give them rome. Imagine a jewish rome it would be so much better.

But why did the stupid brits gave them their colony instead of just dismembering the countries that started ww2. The whole shit is their fault really

Work does not make me wealthy.

New developers(5-6 years experience) these days are so pathetic. They dont have any sense of code review. All they want is to put their opinion out without giving any thought.

I had a PR for review today which contains mock specification to match a regular expression and return the corresponding response

The regular expression I put was

104000(02|06|20|48)

Now, this guy comes and puts a comment that we could "simplify" as 104000\d{2}

I replied, the ending digits are not contiguous. The specific pair of digits have to match for these mocks.

Then this guy replied, then we could simplify as 104(0{4}(2|6)l0{3}(20|48)).

I said, I cannot understand how that is simplification. Why do we need such a complex regex to match something very straight forward.

And the guy replied, we should be writing proper regexes, otherwise we could just specify everything explicitly.

I was like WTF man. You try deciphering this next week without taking at least a minute to know which values are matched.

Anyhow, another senior person approved my PR, and I merged it.

the nurse just called to say that my moms heart surgery is done and it went well. shes now sleeping under heavy narcotics and anesthesia in the shock room. thank you GOD and Doctors 🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️

tomorrow, my mom has heart surgery. thats one of the most serious surgeries to exist. i hope and pray the advancement of medicine and technology has improved well enough for the results to be ok 🙏

My brothers friend messages me on discord asking for help making their chatgpt generated code look more human

Turns out he put his class work on hold till the last day and wants AI to save his gpa

Not my problem. I didn't reply. I don't have time for this shit

How can you hate tailwind?, it's literally just css class names.

You ever feel like you have too much responsibility at work for your experience level

Seven more years until I retire.

!rant I pity anyone who may have overheard my interaction with a gecko that managed to sneak inside my house when I went to get a package on my doorstep last night around midnight

“Hey little guy, let’s try to get you to go back outside, okay? Nonononooo not that way, fella. Down the wall. DOWN. DO NOT CLIMB BACK UP. Okay. Yeah, see, there you go. Good job. OH MY GOD DO NOT DO THAT. Listen, I think you’re fucking cute, okay? BUT IF YOU CHARGE AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU TRIGGER MY FEAR RESPONSE AND YOU MAKE IT REALLY HARD FOR ME NOT TO KILL YOU. Hooooooly shit, little dude. You were so almost dead. Okay. Okay, yeah, go out the door. Door. Yesssss.”

closes door, only to realize little dude’s tail is still on this side

“OMG LITTLE DUDE, are you okay?!!” opens door, little dude sneaks back inside

“Noooooo you need to go outside. Come on, you know you want to go outside”

Finally managed coax him out the door and confirmed he’d cleared the doorway before closing and locking it.

linux... boys and girls.

I'm surrounded by idiots.

Yet they keep getting promoted.

It seems being competent and skilled at your current role means absolute dog shit.

how to computer

edit: I proudly present im mentally stable. proofed!

My senior just created this beauty of an API...

Mixing undefined/null values with empty strings & random hyphens for other variables. And the phone number not following standarised notation (we are a telephone provider)

Everything is shit. I just wanna cry.

How close is your manager/managed relationship to an abusive relationship? Gaslighting, Finical abuse, Devaluation, Psychological projection, etc.?

Our customers are fucking incredible QA Engineers, holy fuck tits. Every single day, some fucking fuckface finds a way to break this garbage can legacy application that I've spent the last year combing over and patching as I find problems or are otherwise made aware of them.

Honestly, I have some QA background myself, but these types of issues would just absolutely never in a bajillion shitting farting years occur to me to do.

They are masters of breaking shit, I am so FUCKING IMPRESSED. Almost as impressed that this application hasn't been replaced after ten years of bullshit, and that the two massive fucking retards that preceded me didn't just do it the right way by accident or fucking kill themselves out of shame.

I truly have no communication skills whatsoever...

Is there no more jobs for software engineers in market? Because the only thing I'm seeing is layoff, right now!

Dear life,
When are you planning to get better?

Regards
Almost dead guy

So now I have to pay taxes because I'm employed. Fair enough, sounds reasonable.

Go to the government's diseased scrotum of a webapp to tramit some ID stuff and shit. All good. Then I go to the bank, so I can open an account, so that I can receive the money, so that I can pay the government.

What happens? The guy at the bank tells me he can't access my ID, so he can't open my account. Understandable. I go once again to the gonorrhea infected maggotsoup that is the government's mother fucking webapp. THEY BLOCKED MY ID.

Problem? I had to attach images of some documentation, they say the images are illegible. I try again with a clearer image, ten fucking times the resoulution.

Is that good enough? NOOOOOOOOOO0=00=======0===000 oo O O OO O O, I am the government, my sole purpose in life is to be a dick in your asshole.

So what do I do? I, calmly, grab the documentation, go to the nearest office, and politely explain the situation to the dude behind the counter. Surely, he can verify himself that my papers are in order, no?

NO. HE CANNOT.
IT CAN ONLY BE DONE THROUGH THE APP.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME.
WE ARE DOOMED AS A SPECIES.

LISTEN TO ME, DEAR GOVERNMENT.
AND DEAR TAXMEN.
AND ASSOCIATED BUREAUCRATS.
PLEASE HEAR ME OUT.

IF YOU DON'T UNBLOCK MY ID, I CANNOT OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT.
IF I DO NOT HAVE A BANK ACCOUNT, I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY.
IF I CANNOT RECEIVE ANY MONEY, THEN I CANNOT PAY **YOU**.
SEE HOW THAT WORKS?

ITS OK.
JUST SUSPEND THE PAYMENT I OWE.
YOU KNOW, THE ONE THAT'S DUE IN A FEW DAYS??

OH RIGHT!
YOU'RE STILL ASKING ME FOR THAT MONEY.
SILLY ME.
I THOUGHT I MAY BE EXEMPT.
SINCE YOU YOURSELF HAVE FORBIDDEN ME FROM PAYING.

ARRHGHHGGHGHGHGHGH!!!!!!!!
YOU IRREDEEMABLY STUPID FUCK.

In addition to rewrite everything that's on my resume I hate having to create a profile when job hunting, just let me upload my resume for fuck sake