🤡🤡🤡

🦫Me a kid: I hope some day I will earn enough $ to by a cool-ass PC and play games on highest graphics presets

🤡Me an adult: I sure did earn enough $ to afford a cool-ass PC though it is a shame that I cannot find time & energy to play games

🤠:Hello, I need a website for my professional website. But anything more than $500 is unrealistic.

Translation

🤡:I am a stupid assclown that the future will leave behind and time will forget.

Everything in application is aligned to right

🤡 Can you alight text in that form to the left
Me: Why? All forms have text aligned to the right.
🤡: It looks better
*Add !important*

A couple weeks later, a new BUG is assigned to me by the 🤡
"This form has text aligned to the left, while all other forms have text aligned to to right"

Wtf Microsoft...

Found out the hard way that copying a line of code from Teams chat will sometimes convert the spaces into unrecognized ASCII char.

Spent a few hours yesterday to fix the bad chars.
🤡👍

With all this emoji code bullshit flying around in here.

I thought I would test my luck and make what I think would be the worst possible end result of this.

<?php
define("😂","God help me");
define("🤡",100);

for($🍔 = 0; $🍔 <= 🤡; $🍔++){
echo 😂."\n";
}
?>
This will execute and run on PHP7.1 😱

Now let’s all band together and kill emojicode before it becomes a thing we will regret!

Recruiter Email: We need experience in Doker!

Dev: I could potentially be interested, what is this new technology? I've never heard of Doker!

Recruiter: It's not super new, it's the traditional Doker! You know, good ol' Doker!

Dev: Like Poker? Or Joker? 🤡

Recruiter: What?

Dev: What?

"our placeholder shows an @ symbol, but please don't use an @ symbol!"

i'm so happy knowing that the devs and designers who created this app are earning 20x what i am

🤡🌎

Literally all they see is design.

Users can't make or receive payments across the entire app? Ah, who cares! Much more important is the color and fading animation on that button!!!!

Absolute clowns, I swear.

🤡

These clowns make my blood boil.

fullStackClown: Hey I need some info on that specific color you want for this design

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this <<sends screenshot>>

fullStackClown: That is not a color, it is a screenshot

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: Do you know what hex code that is for that color? Can you ask the design team what color from our corporate identity they used?

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: Not helping... okay fine I used the eyedropper and I see the hex code is not used anywhere else in our app, so what color should I use?

managerClowns: Yes it should look like this

fullStackClown: ...

I love when job postings are like, you will use THIS tool, and THIS is how it will be accomplished!!!! NO EXCEPTIONS!!!

bitch, i'm the senior engineer, I should be the one picking and choosing tools to match your needs, not you and HR pals!

no wonder your job offer still isnt' filled!

i'd love to ask these organizations why they chose such boomer technologies in the first place and why there is no effort to change to much more developer / user friendly tools.... just a red flag from the start

Managers: wE wAnT tO bE LeAn aNd MoVe FaSt As PoSsIBLe wiTh NeW FeAtUrEs

Same Managers: Can you make this icon 2 pixels smaller?! Shift this element left?! Swap out this icon?! Use a different color here?! A perfect feature and design is critical!!!!!!

FullStackClown: You can either be lean and fast, or be fucking nitpicking clowns 🤡 about this stuff and slow us all down. Choose one.

Managers: ...

FullStackClown: Sit down and shut up

Absolute asshat level clownly clownshipness:

Manager: Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.

Manager: Hmmmmm ok... what about this? Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.

Manager: Hmmmmm ok... and then this thing here? Why is this like this? 🤡

fullStackClown: Well, I hate to tell you, but it's a huge surprise. Guess what?! BECAUSE YOU DEFINED THE FEATURE LIKE THIS!!!

Manager: ... 🤡

fullStackClown: Any other absolute asinine questions to ask me to continue breaking me from flow?

Manager: ... 🤡

fullStackClown: ...

To those interested, I believe there is an evolution of my devRant career in order... I'm passing the clown phase... and entering the full-on circus phase...

Consequences Associated with Burnout:

- sleep deprivation ✅
- change in eating habits ✅
- increased illness due to weakened immune system ✅
- difficulty concentrating and poor memory/attention ✅
- lack of productivity ✅
- poor performance ✅
- avoidance of responsibilities ✅
- loss of enjoyment ✅

Have I just been burnt out and living it as my norm for the past 5 years? 🤡

potential new client, immediately says:

"we have to get this website to number 1 on google as fast as possible!!!!!"

god why is it always the same

i'm tempted to ask, "great, no problem, do you have thousands to spend?"

i already know what the answer is

🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡🚩🤡

I'm officially CTC.

Chief Technical Clown 🤡

How do I know? I've yet to write a single line of productive code today. I've spent the day purely as an administrative cog: writing emails, giving data to consultants, supporting juniors, and cleaning up the absolute hellscape that is also known as our Jira project.

I've become exactly what I hate.

Managers on Slack at 08:30: Hey frontendJunior, can you accept that meeting for 09:00?

frontendJunior: * No response *

Managers: * Clueless why nobody would see a ping literally 30 minutes before a meeting *

Fullstackclown, watching it all unfold: lol 🤡

lol someone went systematically through my posts and downvoted each of them, i'm down like 200 points from weeks ago

imagine caring that much

"he who angers you controls you"

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Managers: fullStackClown!!!! The image uploader on the dashboard at <insert 3rd party service here> isn't working!!!!!

fullStackClown: Yeah? What do you want me to do about it?

Managers: Well, fix it!

fullStackClown: ... * sigh * Well, in case you didn't realize, I don't work at <insert 3rd party service here>, so... unless you want me to go work for them instead of you absolute clowns (which I dream about daily), I cannot help you further in this matter.

Managers: ...

fullStackClown: ...

Kill me. 🤡

"5 Ways I’m Using AI to Make Money in 2023" ok let's see... ah a members-only Medium post...

yep thats definitely one of the ways -_-

fuckin kill me i hate this

Talent Acquisition/HR: 🤪

Dev: 🤪

Technical Interviewer: 🧐

Dev: 🧐

Hiring Manager: 🤡

Dev: 🤡

This strategy has yielded some dishearteningly successful job application results this week.

I've capitulated and started applying for jobs again...

you'll probably being see me around here a lot more...

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

I SENT YOU THE EXACT SIGNUP URL ON NETLIFY

I TOLD YOU STEP BY STEP WHAT WOULD HAPPEN, AND HOW I CAN TRANSFER THE SITE TO YOU

AND NOW YOU COME TO ME COMPLAINING YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND??!?!?!?!

fucking toxic clients I swear, never again

this is what I get for doing something for free for an acquaintances friend

if you can't handle ownership of your own website, maybe get the hell out of the internet

🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡🎪🤡

Fun is, when you get to fix the front-end made by a "front-end expert" consisting of bootstrap and a single "custom.css" of 3800 lines.

Peak sadism. 🤡

Are you a iOs developer/Android developer/graphic designer/web developer/3D artist aged 18 - 30? Are you fluent in English, both written and spoken? Well, that's nice , Good day 🤡

"LeT's uSe gRaPhQL!" They said.

"It EliMinAtEs cOmpLeX aNd vErBoSe REST coDe!" they said.

Me sitting here for hours waiting for the backend team to fix major regressions every time they push the smallest "updates" to staging... 🤡

Call me a boomer but I can't help but feeling graphQL makes things MORE complex than REST... either that or the backend devs have no idea what they are doing

Day 1 of requesting an equippable clown mask in the devRant avatar builder.

If I hear the word "techie" one more time from management, I'm gone lose my shit!!!

I don't go around calling them "managies" all day!!!

do you have a GREAT eye for design?!

can you write a bubble sort algorithm in binary?!

do you know native, desktop, embedded, AND web programming languages?!

do you know you can go fuck yourselves?!

good luck unicorn searching 🤡 companies. there is no human that can do all of those on a level that you want. but, go ahead and set yourself up for failure. i'll remain firmly grounded on planet earth 🌎

Oh man, today just gets better and better...

Manager: * Creates ticket, which has a link to a shared pdf, with each page being a link to another ticket in our JIRA with unrelated bugs of what we are currently working on. *

fullStackClown: I'm closing this ticket and putting this feedback in the original ticket that I assigned to you to review days ago.

Manager: Rages like a little baby and removes my access to said shared pdf.

fullStackClown: Welp, looks like I'm done for the day! Cheers!

ooooo managers have sent me a meeting for a solo standup with them on monday, i'm shakin' in my boots!

they're probably angry i already worked 50+ hours this week and took today off at short notice yesterday

clowns. 🤡

"The time spent on the assignment should not exceed 8 hours."

nice, so a full working day just for an interview take home task

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Took a headoverheels digger on my bike today, groceries went flying, chinos even ripped on the asphalt, first thing this lady bystander says is RAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS A PEDESTRIAN ONLY STREET!!!!!

I'm like no it's not, look at the sign

nO iTs BeEn WrITtEn FoR 2o YeArS, pEdEsTriAnS onLy!!!!!

sure enough at the end of the road, says pedestrians AND bikes allowed... 🤡🤡🤡🤡

stupid bitch, if you're gonna be a bitch at least be right about it

honestly i'm not sure how people navigate through the world, just floating around, no REAL knowledge or consideration of anything, just ideas, hype, and idiotic "feelings"

Just fixed a bug that's been there for two weeks 😀🤡👍🏽
I'm sure everyone here knows this feeling!

Task estimated for 2 days
*Half day later*
🤡 : Have you done it?
Me : No, I told you it would take 2 days

*Day later*
🤡 : Have you done it? Do you need any help?

if you're unemployed you can't get a house in 1000 years

but hey, there's good news

if you're employed you can get a house in 100 years

```We discovered that your app contains hidden features. Attempting to hide features, functionality or content in your app is considered egregious behavior and can lead to removal from the Apple Developer Program.```
- Apple App Store Publishing Team

.

ARE U FU KINV KIDDING ME

THAT IS THE COMPLETE REASON WHY YOU REJECTED MY APP?

THE SAME GODDAMN BUILD THAT WAS SUBMITTED ON GOOGLE PLAY FOR ANDROID GOT APPROVED IN 10 MINUTES

IS THE SAME BUILD VERSION THAT GOT REJECTED 3 DAYS AFTER REVIEW ON THE APP STORE

BECAUSE "THEY THINK" I HAVE HIDDEN FEATURES LOL WHAT ARE FU🤡🤡KING INSANE🤡 YO😂😂🤡🤡

THIS REJECTION REASON IS LIKE A SHITTY USER REVIEW

"omg baby girl this app is best" *1 star"

OR

"I have a crash pls fix its not work this app cz crashs n not fixes fck u developers fix it these prblms !!!!🍆🍆🍆👅👅👅💦💦💦💨🌬🌬🌬" *1 star*

AND GET THIS RN !!!!

RN !!!!!!

THEY EVEN *THREAT ME* TO BAN MY APPLE DEVELOPER PROGRAM ACCOUNT WHICH I. P A I D. F O R. $ 100 USD

BECAUSE MY APP HaS 'HIDDEN FEATURES'

THERE ARE NOOO9OO FI KING HIDDEN FEATURES U MTHHHFRRFKERSS I WILL CUMBLAST ALL OF UR APPLE HOLES INTO UR ASSHOLES AND GIVE BIRTH TO THE MAGGOTS🤡GROWING FROM WITHIN🤡UR FKIG ASSHOLE CZ ALL OF YALL R FKIN ASSHOLES🤡ANYWAY🤡THEN MY FKIG HOT CUM🤡WILL EXPLODE💦OUT OF YOUR🤡ASS AND U WILL BE CLOWNS FOREBER🤡I WORKED WAY TOO HARD TO DESERVE AN UNNECESSARY REJECTION THAT HAS A VAGUE REASON OF WHY IT WAS REJSCTED🤡🤡🤡

juuuuuuu

🤡hehe

What's worse than putting out fires all day?

Going to check on and put out fires but then realizing they don't exist because management is incompetent.

#clowndrivendevelopment 🤡

Remember that 'solo standup' I was 'shaking in my boots about'?

Should have started at 9:30

Yeah, well its O9:40... the managers aren't even here yet...

So much respect in this team!

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

We don't know what one-to-many is! Instead, we convert all associated IDs to a string and join the list into a string separated by commas! Only after this absolute clownery do we save this new nice clean string to the database column! Then, when we want all associated entities, we serialize this list back into an array of IDs and retrieve them! It's clown-genius!

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

remember, to them, we're just cogs

easily replacable machine parts

meanwhile they're "extremely special" because they've thought of the next 10 iterations of microsoft fucking excel

"HR tech startup" give me a fucking break dude

i'm feeling so sick right now.

PM invited team for today to present his "vision": "<name of our component>: what it is and what it is not".
but it didn't make sense and showed that he hadn't understood the problem at all. the whole architecture made no sense given the problems that shall be solved. his architecture diagrams missed some essential parts that were actually the giant weak points of his concept. his pseudocode, that should exemplify interactions between components, didn't address the complexity of required interactions at all. it's like he expects some magic to happen and has no fucking clue about the requirements (but acts like it), even though he is the manager of this software project.
and when devs ask really interesting questions that fundamentally question his concept, discussions lead to nowhere and questions are not answered. at some point he literally said "there is no such thing as <name of our component>, i still have to find this out"
really!? after one and a half year, since you sold the idea for this component to upper management, and after half a year of development, you still can't tell what it is what we actually want to build? are you fucking serious?!

at some point in discussion he said that these questions need to be answered but that "there's no time left", and he ended the meeting. although there was still half an hour of meeting time left.

i'm so fucking sick of this, i hate everything right now. i can't listen to this bullshit any longer. in discussions, he contradicts himself all the time, it is so fucking surreal i'm starting to feel like i'm insane.

it makes me really sad and tired. i don't want to care about this shit any longer.

Managers: * send meeting to my calendar *

Fullstackclown: * sees email * Much obliged, I'm happy to... wait a sec... this calender meeting is for 4:30 PM... TODAY! ...and they've sent this at 4:47 PM?!?!

Managers: FULLSTACKCLOWN!!!! HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT MEETING TODAY?

Fullstackclown: lol

#beclowngetclowned

Clowns approaching from all sides, preparing to batter our hero, fullStackClown, with their absolute and unyielding clownshipness...

🤡 🤡🤡
🤡 👨‍💻 🤡
🤡 🤡🤡

how will he make it out of this one?!?!?!

Tune in next week to find how our hero, fullStackClown, escapes unscathed!

I work with absolute 🤡🤡🤡s.

That is all.

My god, the managers don't even know their credentials to the Bitbucket account that THEY created!!!

🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡

Let's just hope they're not locked out for good... now THAT would be some grade-A comedy!

Today's 🤡 task: figuring out how "localhost:3000" snuck into one of the critical production links...

FUUUUUUUUU

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

that really killed me today when i sat in the office

how good can you rant with your colleagues? i don't think i would survive long without this kind of therapy xD

"we will also consider skills in other production languages, such as Haskell, Clojure, OCaml, Rust and C++"

ah, of course, the classic "production" languages. wouldn't want to be using those other "developing" or "staging" languages... 🥱

i swear, the 🤡 count increases by the hour.

You guys wanna know why I rage so much at the 🤡🤡🤡's I work with?

I shit you not, this is a ticket in our "to do" section of our Jira.

what even is ticket linking??!?!?

what even are tickets??!?!?!

or better yet.... what even the fuck is jira?!?!?! I've only been using it for over a year, give me some time to figure out how to use it!!!!!!

I don't know, maybe i'm the asshole. But at least I don't feel like a 🤡

in my attempt to fix my sleeping schedule, i actually slept early... only to wake up at 3 am 🤡

first off, they've defined (just yesterday) FOUR (not ONE) features to be done by the end of the month (yes really no joke, i mean _this_ month, as in october, i.e. they mean by monday)

four of them still have "to be defined" labels

so, what, you guys gonna define those today so we have uh.... all of friday to do them?

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

imagine your ego being more important than doing something the right way

welcome to corporate hell

this is one of the top reasons (but of course definitely not the ONLY reason) i'll never join the rat race

would rather be a homeless 🤡 (slowly succeeding in this one)

a 🤡 can dream, can't he?

Yeah, I definitely work with idiots.

> Has to do RTO twice a week
> Gets COVID from office

🤡🤡🤡🤡

so management decided that the PM/PO/SM role has to be split and that SM shall be done by someone else.

PM in retro: so i will give away this role because i cannot fulfill all roles adequately, not because of missing skills, but because of missing time. this is also why i couldn't finish my development task for this sprint. so, someone of you guys has to do the job. i expect the future SM to be always available for me in the morning and the afternoon, so due to timezone shift this has to be someone from the German colleagues. I will have to explain to that person what exactly I as a PO expect from the SM and the SM will have to follow this guideline. also, being SM is no excuse for not delivering your stories, it just takes very little time.

...i don't need to comment on this at all, he already makes a perfect clown of himself 🤡

BREAKING NEWS

A single full stack clown is far too forgiving for this world...

i'm now....

A FULL STACK CIRCUS!!!

🎟️🎪🤹‍♂️🎭🎡🤡

the windows devs have really outdone themselves this time

HOW

FUCKING

HARD

IS

IT

TO

DOCUMENT

HOW

YOUR

LIBRARY

WORKS

ONE

EXAMPLE

FOR

A

FUCKING

POSTGRES

CLIENT

LIBRARY

IS

NOT

SUFFICIENT

JUST ONCE DOCUMENT YOUR FUCKING LIBRARY!

FUCKING CLOWN!

FUCKING IDIOTS!

YOU RUIN MY DAY, MAKE ME WORK 12 HOURS A DAY, TO RESOLVE SUCH BASIC FUNCTIONALITY

YOU FUCKING CLOWN!!!!!!!!!

I'D BETTER DELETE THE ENTIRE APP AND START FROM SCRATCH, WOULD BE EASIER THAN USING YOUR SCUM OF THE EARTH PIECE OF SHIT LIBRARY

potential client, wondering why i don't answer any of his messages or calls: "I hope I haven't done anything wrong!?"

yeah dude, continually calling me MULTIPLE times after 5PM on friday (second friday in a row) is one way to "do something wrong"

these "business" types know no bounds

i HATE snake oil idiot types

red flags:

- "interested" in tech but have no programming experience or knowledge, no real work experience

- they claim they can provide assistance and guidance to people in machine learning!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

- private instagram, weird

- spent all their money on their instagram profile picture, looks like those dumb finance gurus with a lambo

- is, in reality, unemployed

what value do you provide to society?

really its just people who are good at talking and can convince other people of equal or lower (not higher) intelligence but not really can't DO anything

and they wonder why so many companies fail

what a fucking joke i hate you

its really not just annoying its immoral - and thats the part i despise so much

grow up, put in some work, and be valuable to society

Why use google calendar?

Get you a micromanager!

Always the same with these f**** 🤡🤡🤡s

Congratulations, you've earned yourself a spot in the STOP category on next week's retrospective! 🖕

At a large enterprise-sized company, you are protecting the code and product from outside / bad actors constantly trying to break in. (🧠)

At a medium or small-sized company, you are protecting the code and product from clueless customers or users who can potentially break things for themselves. (🧠🧠)

At a sTaRtUp, you are protecting the code and product from being destroyed by the incompetent owners themselves. (🧠🧠🧠+)

hey google, make my life harder. let's have an SDK version, then a corresponding android version, and finally a clown name like cotton candy or oreo or whatever so I always know exactly what version I'm working with without confusion 🙄🤡

muh ai is taking over muh i'm gonna loose my job 🤡

Petition to change the Anonymous logo from this to this
🤡🤡

I love that its 2024, and yet sometimes you still have to delete the /bin and /obj folders from a C# project to remove build errors that are in fact, not build errors...

...and people here hate node.js / npm

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

but come on down in the comments all you C# worshippers and please enlighten me what I am doing wrong... definitely couldn't be C# right?

also explain why 'clean' must not REALLY mean clean 🤡

how often does it happen that you have to prevent terrible architectural decisions from being made, because people who are in charge but obviously have no clue, make really weird suggestions and are really confident that this is a good idea?

PM: so please analyze functionalities X with dev Y, since module Y that dev Y develops shall provide these functionalities.
me: as i said yesterday, module Y will use my module X and shouldn't care about how this is going to be implemented.
PM: yeah, but module Y shall be able to... (lists some functionalities)
me: yes, that's what i'm currently working on in module X. my current state of the API can be used in a way that... (lists different low level functions and how a combination of them can be used to provide these functionalities)
PM: okay, hmm... i just realize that module Y will actually be a user of module X...

well.... yeah?!!
i always thought that was crystal clear?? 🤦‍♀️

At least it’s blazing fast 🤡

Well, this one I HAVEN'T seen before. I'm officially getting emails from recruiters addressed to someone else's name

Today, apparently my name is Mateus.

Today teaching the product managers what the channel in "selected for development" in Jira means.

Guess what? IT MEANS THE FEATURE IS READY TO BE DEVELOPED ON, NOT SOME HALF-BAKED CROCK POT IDEA WITH A TWO-SENTENCE DESCRIPTION DESCRIBING ABSOLUTELY FUCK ALL!!!

Love being contacted by a consultant.

At 7PM.

Via WhatsApp.

Becuase they recently "migrated to gmail" (wtf does that even mean?!?! it was their reason why I didnt get their email)

I fucking hate zoomers, please kill me, i have made a mistake working with these clowns

🤡

just so you know, $25/month is NOT a pay as you go plan - its a $25/month plan

why the hell would i pay for $25 a month on top of my usage charges

fuckin 🤡s

when you run lighthouse on some tech "guru" with 50K subscriber's website and can laugh when they don't even have alts on images

hahahahahahahaha clowns

to be brutally honest, you need to know the basics before attempting to teach anyone anything, i don't care how boring it is

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

need to schedule a call with a guy from another branch at work. i tell him that because of the time zone shift, i can do earliest around noon his time (and that's being generous, thats really early for a dev my time)

and of course, what does he turn around and do? sends me a meeting for 3 AM...

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

i can't be the one with mental illness right?

perhaps the thing to do is just go around being so fucking ignorant you're just blissfully happy at all times

digital lock is broken so I'm locked outside the office. I'm the first to arrive by an hour gap, so I'm here waiting for maintenance to let me in 🤡🤡🤡

seen on hacker news:

"I have applied to 600 software dev jobs in 2/3 months and have had around 8 interviews but still no dice.
reply"

jesus i'm going to give up now. i'd rather be homeless than mindlessly wasting my time

Discussing is so great and wonderful.

Doing is far better.

I just auto charged myself because I forgot I tested my 7 day trial in production last week

🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡🤦‍♂️🤡

I don't have a problem!!!!

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

you wanna know what the most hilarious shit is? hackernews users AKA the 6 figure startup bros that "rule the world" in terms of code and software...

trying to argue the best way to build a website 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

here's some select quotes:

"I believe the most minimalistic and productive way is to just use php"

^ this guy must not know its 2023 now

"Unless you are a web developer I don't see the point of a CSS framework, it's much easier to roll your own."

^ this guy must not know the pain and suffering that is 'rolling your own' in CSS

"Sadly, I just don't have the time to generate the content I wanted to do, so the site sits."

^ this guy just... wait, what?

but you know what? these guys clearly know WAY more than me in terms of software, it's good they get infinite salad bar and prime rib every day at silicon valley's best and brightest!

please fucking kill me i want it to end

Some people would rather post idiotic minion gifs than help find the truth in GitHub threads.

But that's the world we live in.

Army of 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

it seems like every single book in the world is a NeW yOrK tImEs BeStSeLlEr 🤡

"experience using Gantt charts preferred"

hahaha what a weird requirement

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

people who write one word commit messages

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

With this new manager joining, it's like the full circle of idiots is complete!

nothing will be done, because nothing is clearly defined

lol

🤡

no fucking documentation

no fucking explaination

and your example doesn't even work

let's just run around in circles until we all die

waiting to exit this 🤡 world

yeah, i know, everyone is like "why can't you chill more"

because this what we are stuck doing 8-9 hour a day!!!!!! this is literally our lives just wasting away!!!! and it's not even fun anymore; you can't enjoy it if everyone is so fucking incompetant any step at being productive is fucking battle

god so sick of it

Framework propagator clowns often tell me dOnT rEiNvEnT tHe wHeEl 🤡
Bitch, F1 car wheel and shopping cart wheel are not the same. I will reinvent the wheel every time, and it will be perfect for the job.

And on today's schedule, we'll be teaching the managers how to use a new dashboard, because not only do they not understand tech, they don't understand life!

waaaah_waaaah_waaaah.mp3 🤡

alright, i give up

i'm just going to have to work the rest of my life

the government takes nearly half of everything you do anyway.

income from your saas? taxed.

risked and stressed earned profits from intraday trading? taxed.

money chilling getting interest in a savings account? taxed.

your 50+ hour work week salary? taxed.

but don't worry, houses start at an affordable 500K

🤡

i've built a profitable full stack SaaS application, from scratch, by myself, that requires 0 maintenence

and you dont think i have the skills required to hire me?

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

PM: this is our super fancy new CI/CD pipeline, it's the greatest. i expect you to learn and understand all this in no time.
devs: so i have to spend some more time on this topic because it's completely new to me and requires some learning...
PM: nooo, that's a super easy task with zero effort, my braindead hamster can do that in no time, so can i, and so can you! let's assign 1 story point for that.

~ 3 months latèr ~

also PM, after he has started developing as well: so i'm realizing there are many things that i have to learn, and it takes me some time. i haven't developed with C++ and <other tool stack> for a longer time. by the way, you guys don't need to check for any quality right now, we need to deliver fast. it's okay, when you have memory overflows, your code is completely crappy, poor architecture or memory overflows, it doesn't matter.

he even has a subtask for migrating his code from VS project to our new project structure, since he refused to learn our pipeline right from the beginning and created VS project instead. シ why is this a subtask? this job can be done in no time, my left vanishing twin named Klaus who has dislexia and hates vim can solve this task in 20 seconds!!!!11

(and still no PR, not even a feature branch in our repo)

FullStackClown: * adds one line to a jest test *

Jest: All tests failing

Jest: 🤡

Hey GitHub Idiot No Need To Write Capitalized Issue Requests Like This It Makes You Look Incompetent We Are Not Working In .NET Here On GitHub

just absolute 🤡

Another day, another time exporting svgs from Figma, sizing them, and exporting them to png into our app as the developer.

But no, I get it, what designers do is extremely taxing on the brain and any additional steps must be excruciating! Let me do anything that requires even the lowest of double-digit IQ! After all, I'm your local resident full stack clown™️!

🤡

Today my boss told me to work more properly, because the massive feature I'm working is only halfway done.

Well thank you very much, obviously it's only halfway done yet. I'm responsible for the backend and the development for the frontend started today, by another guy who was working on another stuff until now. And I'm pretty sure we agreed that I will only do the backend...

Thanks for the uncalled critique. Great way to make me feel like my work is not appreciated. This motivated me very much to work the whole on the integration.

>import ENi18n
>import ZHi18n

en = {…ENi18n, moreStuff}
zh = {…ZHi18n, moreStuffZH}
pt = {…ZHi18n, moreStuffPT}

“Hey man can you fix this? Seems like we are missing the Portuguese i18n. Check this file please (path)”
“I’m sorry I don’t understand, can you call me and explain?”

Why do I need to explain this? What is difficult to grasp here? How can it take more than 20 seconds to know what to do here? It’s not even a file I made, you made it and I just ran into it!

Fuck man, I’m going to blow my brains out.

A "hotfix" that also includes new features

Ticket: We were able to get the site launch, but we lost some functionality on x. Can you fix ASAP?

Not a single url, didn't even know they were going to launch, or where. There must be an achievement for this. 🤡

hey

if my udemy course is too complicated for you

no reason to give it a shitty rating

you're just an idiot

and the saga continues...

the plans i had for the morning have been cancelled... and now I'm awake for nothing 🤡

what a day

There is now a .blockchain tld🤡

So this dev writes me an email following a blog post I wrote for their job that they "have an error" - they don't show any output, what the error message is or anything. How can I help if you dont specifically state your problem? I'm not going to do your job for you!

and now its finally come full circle: they said they asked chatgpt and bard but it "just didnt work" - well yeah, those were trained on internet content from over a year ago - the api and tools have changed!

painful and annoying times ahead i'm afraid

you still need to do the damn work, i will stand by the fact that LLMs are overhyped non-panacea till i'm dead

A beautiful gem ticket from a manager today:

Title: "Check Stripe "Snippet APK" that might help for integration into the app to track pricing easily."

Alright, it's very clear this particular individual has no idea what they are talking about, but, I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and read the ticket description!

Description: "I think stripe offers some sort of snippet that can be implemented into the app similar to FB pixel. (I could be wrong here..) let’s briefly check this, if it’s of value for our A/B-Tests → e.g. if it makes your life easier = good otherwise it’s not important."

...

I might as well replace the management team with GPT-3 at this point.

Or even just a simple Markov chain; that'd probably be more accurate if you want to match the ticket quality more exactly of this ABSOLUTE PILE OF HORSESHIT WASTE OF TIME I GET FED EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY.

🤡

nobody in my team works at my location. they are all at different sites of the world.

can i have the option to work 100% remote please?

my company:
no :-)
oh, it is soooo hard to recruit new team members :-) what in the world could we possibly do??

Job hunt update:

- Rejected by one via email
- Applying to two more today
- Ghosted (?) by the other 5 so far

but hey, it's only been over two weeks for those 5 others! why should i expect efficiency from a company that wants a TeN X DeVeLoPeR? I'll bring my decade+ experience and you can just get around to it... you know, when you feel like!

🤡

God why do I even log in anymore...

Just seen on LinkedIn: "Some exciting news will be shared soon. Stay tuned. 🎉✨"

Dude, literally not a single sad fuck gives two shits about your dumbass fake garbage. Just stfu

Maybe if you spent more time building product than posting on LinkedIn, you'd make some headway.

I just love ultra high priority tickets that have been in the backlog for literal years.

So logical.

So amazing.

So 🤡-like.

Happy Friday!

another day another downvote to 0 on a stackoverflow post of a bug that is confirmed and reproducible

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

jesus christ is there a single pdf editor where i don't have to pay some money to use for something i could download from github right now

🤡🤡🤡

On A privacy research focused Hackaton, my team lead got up, and said:
Our group is going to look at porn sites privacy issues! and @magicMirror is going to lead that effort!

And went on to say Porn+@magicMirror in every sentence. Very loudly.

fukin 🤡.

Jest? It's the perfect name for a testing library, because I certainly feel like a clown! 🤡

#clowndrivendevelopment

Original spec of feature: 5 page document

Review of feature: 20 page document with surprise things never mentioned in original spec

"fullStackClown!?!?! how could you miss this?!?!"

🤡

the real truth is that web dev has been running around in circles on itself for over a decade now

"but every framework is 'new' and 'shiny'!!!!"

nah, just more sugar on the same exact concepts that have been around since day 1

Just realized the only true holiday I've taken in the past 18 months was 3 days for Thanksgiving last year and 3 days for Thanksgiving this year.

I can't imagine why I'm so stressed and rage so much.

I'm my own 🤡

I'm getting tired of these 🤡s

Been getting a lot of troll / clown / clueless (?) comments on my posts recently. Select favorites include:

"Why do you have a login form on your website?" wut
"Why didn't you throw away that API key?" wut
"Why do you even need to access your apps' servers?" wut

There are just SO many amazing devs here who have NEVER had do any of those things, I'm quite literally an idiot and don't know what I'm doing, sorry for my ignorance. I'd forgotten that there is only exactly one way to build software, I wish I'd done it "that" way sooner! Foolish me.

Really not sure if trolls, clowns, or clueless. Don't care. 🤡🤡🤡

I fEEL SO F UCKIN A LIVE WHEN I DO PHYSICAL WORKOUTS ☠️🌬🌬🌬💨💨💨💨💦💦🤡

I CaN CODWE TOO RN

Rn

🤡🤡🤡

HEALTHY BODY = HEALTHY MIND

NEver forget.

Ugh 1 of 47 weeks down this year...

Maybe I'll survive 🤷‍♂️

🤡

oops

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

I can’t remember shit

My code editor helps me a ton!!

I have most documentation offline.

Ask me to do shit in a job interview without Google or any reference material then the joke is on 🤡

on dev rant, "web idiots" = people who are way better than me at web dev. they're better than me at that so therefore they are bad. me monkey brain feel safe. ooga booga!

this site should just be called InsecureRant

something like a 3.96 undergrad GPA

ivy league masters degree + scientific publication

first job -> $4500/month for first 3 months (some dumbass 'intern' rule even though i had a masters -> then $6000 -> then $6400/month (insane amount for me, at least IMO)

second job -> $4000/month

third job -> $3600/month

in each one, skills and responsibilities increased

and now i can't get hired 🤷‍♂️

pretty sure i did it all backwards

just remember kids, nothing that society tells you is actually true. everything in the corporate world is controlled by emotions and narratives, not logic, hard work or anything actually valuable

just get that cozy 9-5 and kill all your hopes and dreams before they start

anyone wanna hire a 🤡?

nobody else seems to want to

Interestingly enough, the worst JavaScript code I’ve ever had to deal with was written by back-enders coming from a Java background. The app was unusable and it took me a few weeks to put it back on track.
So is JS the culprit, or is it the elite backend community that fails to even try to make good use of it? 🤡

NODE 18 MOVES INTO MAINTENENCE TOMORROW

...do you know where your legacy software is?

This was a free public service announcement brought to you by your favorite 🎪🤡🤹‍♂️

I'm learning today from the big brain managers that elements on our mobile app are "clickable".

Truly amazing, I wonder which of our users are plugging a mouse into their phones and using it to click around.

incompetent 🤡

* {
all: initial !important;
}

🤡

Wow, very technical and clear documentation:

"While we do not publish the symbol limits for the streaming API, we do monitor for abuse to make sure people aren’t doing anything egregious. Essentially, ask for what you need. Don’t abuse the APIs and you should be fine."

...and, we all know what 'fine' stands for, right?

🤡

Day 1. Push branch. Make pull request😀
Day 5. Got reply to fix some silly stuff🤡
Day 6. Apply changes. Ask for review again.😊
Day 7. Needed to work for another project for two weeks🤝
Day 25. Came back and pull request and branch were deleted from server 🧐🧐
Day 26. I merge my local branch copy into master and push it to server. So long bitches! 💅💅

huge confession bear...

i just learned what set -e does in bash

i've been using logical and (&&) this whole time

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

i have become what i hate 🤡🤡🤡

Annual inflation rate = 9.2%.
My annual salary increase = 5.5% (from my meager salary as junior)

Thanks management 🤡👍

wow. truly revolutionary. AI will end world hunger, solve cancer, and so much more

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

Java errors: if something is underlined in red in the IDE then it is a real error for sure

TypeScript errors: if something is underlined in red in the IDE then 50% of the time it is some 🤡 sh*t

My GitHub Copilot can write better feature files than these clowns...

🤡

Making calls, meetings, and "brainstorming" half-baked features or designs or any other slop bullshit for 12 hours a day?

Wow, you are an impressive "startup bro"!!!

Coding, testing, running emulators, tests, reading technical documentation, ensuring product success in the real world, and implementing efficient full stack software for 12 hours a day?

Fuck you!!!

These are the expectations of management. Just remember, what they do is "extremely difficult", but you are simply just a resource queue that takes input and converts it to real-world implementation.

Give me a fucking break

PTSD flashbacks of the 🤡s wanting us to change every subscription price less than 24 hours before a major release that would be the live version after we aired on national television...

management at its best folks. remember, your time doesn't matter, only theirs, it's way more "important"

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

you know whats wild? they're talking of AI taking of the world

and meanwhile we still need to fill out and send copies of pdfs everywhere to get things done

🤡

best advice i know

get both into programming and body building.

"you're such a nerd for using linux 🤡" well yeah but do you see this huge biceps?

"you're not even that strong 🤡" well yeah but look at my bank account

Cold as fuck in my flat

i don't want to write these unit tests

RRRAAAAAAAAGSFGGDDFGFDSA SAFSA SVA

What?
I don't get it?
That doesn't make any scene....
goto line 5980
😎 coding like a boss....
goto line 8764
🤡 I have no idea what I'm doing....

It's 11 pm / 23:00 Uhr. I knew that i need to give a presentation tomorrow since like a month.

But guess who started working on this presentation a few hours ago and is not nearly at the end ( well my nerves are)

YOU GUESSED IT: ME🤡

OH AND MAYBE I'M STILL PROCRASTINATING EVEN THOUGH I WANT SOME SLEEP

Some nice comments about how fucked up is the world of Android development.
Sometimes I feel like a clown having to pass though Google's hoops that change every five minutes. 🤡

My brain feels just like this:

⚡️🤡⚡️🤡⚡️
🤡⚔️⚡️⚒️🤡
⚡️⚡️🧠⚡️⚡️
🤡🛠⚡️🔩🤡
⚡️🤡⚡️🤡⚡️

I want you all to think back on how "transparent" and "helpful" everyone was to you when you were useful to the company.

And then as soon as you were gone, did they just complain and say something like "how could fullstackclown leave us??!?!?!"

I swear, the last call I was on, I literally heard the phrase "we are such a good team, we think up great MVP products and you guys execute so well"

Let me translate: "we are whimsical fucksticks and you are our slaves to implement it because we ourselves are too incompetent to do it"

Well no more.

Fucking tools, all of them, everyone just wants to use us to get ahead. No competence, no self-understanding, just encapsulate the "IT" or "tEcHiE" people to some department - doesn't even have to even be near us, they can be from any geographic location; they can just be replaced at a moment's notice!

Yeah, well fuck you, because we're growing in skill and understanding, and fighting against you.

Fucking 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡s

The unionized revolution of software developer is coming soon.

Epic labels from managers crack me up.

They're so generic and undescriptive.

"Focus on users"

"Prioritize ABC"

"Increase XYZ"

Shame unto developers who have tik tok installed 🤡

Hours spent engineering and writing software (having fun) today: 1

Hours spent CTCing (Chief Technology Clowning) today: 7

☠️

fuck it; at 10K updoots i'll reveal my identity

then everyone will know i'm a closet psychopath

it may be risky!

it may be ruinious to my career!

let's do it!

welcome to the first day of the rest of your life

🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

daily reminder (most of you don't need it i know) that reddit is full of the most ignorant and dumb people on the planet

thought i could hop into comments on a /r/worldnews post for interesting discussion and discourse, no, its just idiotic neckbeards trying to one up eachother on painfully cringe doomer phrases and / or who can get the most upvotes from their godawful dumbass pun

what a fuckin cesspool

and they wonder why the world is going to shit

absolute CI/CD bastardization 🤡

We live in a society 🤡

You call yourself a devops engineer? You're an oops of an engineer.

Losing days and weeks so the kids can tinker around in their sandbox. 🏖️

🤡

Hi FuLlStAcKcLoWn,

I fOuNd A fEw ErRoRs On YoUr SiTe.

MaY i SeNd OvEr SoMe Of ThOsE eRrOrS aNd AuDiT rEpOrT wItH pRiCeS?

i’m LoOkInG fOrWaRd To YoUr RePlY

bEsT rEgArDs

god this is getting repetitive, how can we spam the spammers? wasn't there a site like "send your enemies glitter"? classic!

i guess this is what I get for putting my company email public

but really, what happened to gmail's spam filter? should spot ones like these from miles away

Your first and last name aren't even capitalized on LinkedIn...

nah mate

I'm coding like it's Mad Max and stackoverflow is the junkyard, I just hope it doesn't catch on fire. 🤡

I propose the brand new, AI-powered debugger.
When your program returns an error, like this one:
“x is undefined”,
…you convert it to SpongeBob case and add a clown emoji, like this:
“x iS uNdEfInEd 🤡”
and the program fixes itself and apologizes.

so now they even have a name for not being an idiot...

its called a "composible" architecture as apposed to a "monolith"

what if i told you it's all the same?

(i'll even throw in a bonus and say that a "microservice" architecture is still a monolith - because you need all your damn microservices working together for the full product or service anyway!!! and thats a monolith!!!!)

wow, you've "decoupled" your frontend from your backend? with this fancy thing called an "API"? well, what the hell else was anyone doing in the past decade? ITS THE SAME THING YOU DUMBASS

god i swear its 🤡 all the way down, just inventing new words for the same thing over and over again. idiots. idiots everywhere

i'm just so happy we have "composible" architectures now ❤️ thank god for that

Hey fastlane!

Great tool and all, but your documentation is at 🤡 levels, I need to read 20+ pages to get a full overview and understanding. So far I've had to read a dozen plus blogs and stackoverflow posts to find hidden flows (authentication first to do this, etc. etc. etc.)

Don't market your tool as "reducing complexity & saving time" and showing one-liners in the docs when in reality there are lots of hidden steps and NOT one-liners!!!!!!

This is why everyone complains it takes 1-2 days to just get a freaking pipeline working!!!!🤡

so now they've got me taking aptitude tests

like a little lab rat 🐁

🤡

tune in next week to find out my next foray in the idiotic hiring slop world of death

"On September 1, 2023, the domains registry for .COM and .XYZ will implement universal price increases of up to 9% for .COM renewals, and up to 9% for .XYZ renewals, registrations, and transfers."

sigh.

here i go again, trying to convert my entire backend infrastructure to docker images on a sunday

FML

🤡

"Fauna's free plan has been adjusted from 5GB to 1GB going forward"

huh? I thought "tech was eating the world" "cloud is everything" "things are getting more efficient"

so why the hell do all these cloud providers keep DECREASING the free tier. annoying as all hell

where's all the storage and compute going? fucking crypto?

each day the 🤡🌎🎪 grows stronger

I've built multiple profitable SaaS apps in my career, from scratch, by myself...

...but it's sure damn important to know wether fucking Cindy or Bob or neither can fit into a parking lot after muddling through stupid obtrusive rules that don't mean anything

"its to understand how you think"

yep, clearly don't know how to do that, that's why i'm taking this labrat, i mean, cognitive test

🐀🤡🐀🤡🐀🤡🐀🤡🐀🤡🐀🤡

Fucking spam
Useless pieces of shit
Targeting my dad, fools, he has me 🤡
I'm gonna flood you with fake emails and passwords
So much that you will stop spamming and then I'll continue a little bit, just to be safe
Fucking bastards