SkillsC++, js, 🐍
Joined devRant on 3/31/2016
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Make someone create a shitload of tests for your shitty code, then don't give a shit when your commit break almost everything, finally; make the guy who wrote the tests figure your shit out.
Bonus points: Whine about something that's been broken for weeks "without you knowing" when the test suites have been saying exactly that since your commit.1
PM: Can you help out writing a test suite for feature X? Really high priority!
Me: Ok, give me a day or so.
I get it done, and setup in CI-tool to test on the feature branch.
PM: It doesn't work! Can you have a look?
Me: Uhm yeah.
Only broken on feature branch of course.
Dev working on feature X: Ok pushed a potential fix, can you run test suite again?
PM: Yes, can you get on that asap?
CAN YOU RUN YOUR OWN FUCKING TESTS?
PO: "I'll email you the details."
Me: Sure, I'll start with what I have right now.
I start coding, 7 hours later I got something working, not sure if it's what he wants.
Still no email.
I might have a followup rant tomorrow when he tells me it's not what he wanted at all.3
I've had my share of "Hey you know computers, right?".
When I was getting my degree I drove a taxi on the weekends.
My boss calls me:
"Hey, my laptop is acting weird, could you have a look?"
Curious; I ask what it's doing.
"There's a pair of sunglasses covering the entire screen. Maybe it's a bra, I don't know."
When I left the taxi at his house, I had a look. I start the computer, Windows boots up, and sure enough, it looks like a pair of sunglasses is covering the screen, kind of.
I also notice a crack in the screen from top to bottom.
"So what kind of virus is this?!"
He felt stupid when I told him what the problem was. I ordered a new screen and replaced it for him and told him not to sit on his laptop again. 😜3
Fourth day at new job, hired as a C++ developer.
"We think you'll be a good fit in this team!"
I see people ranting about first going to google.com and then searching. The browsers at my workplace won't let you do a search in the address bar, not even in the search field that says Google.
So now I do the same thing at home and realize how stupid it is milliseconds later.
Not frustrating at all.
I come back after a week of vacation and everything is broken.
What does Jenkins say?
Jobs disabled days ago.
- Yeah it hangs randomly and is blocking other projects.
Don't know if I'm gonna cry or laugh like a maniac, maybe both.
Unrealistic deadlines, and my dev environment is lagging so bad I can barely type. I can't work like this!
At my first job as a dev, after about 2-3 weeks in, my team got a new member. Him and I were the only devs in that team. Supposedly he had 1 year professional experience of C++. After about a week I started noticing he was slow, he also wrote down basically everything I said, if I said I needed a bathroom break he almost wrote that down too.
During a break he asked me; what's a constructor?
Needless to say I was doing both his and my job for 6-7 months before someone else realized he was useless and removed him. Since I was new I didn't know how to react, do I tell anyone? :-/
On the bright side, I learned a lot and we still delivered well before the deadline.1
Alright, I just need to add a new state to this state machine...
... 6 hours later ...
Wtf was I doing again?
That feeling when you have a messy merge, nothing works but don't give a shit and go home for the weekend, that's Monday guy's problem!
Pair programming a major refactoring, colleague tries to change _everything_ simultaneously. Spent hours fixing compiler errors, now it's not linking. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯