* Selects text to copy *
* Ctrl + C to copy *
* Selects text to be replaced with copied text *
* Ctrl + C again instead of Ctrl + V *

Instant rage.

Me and my git repo

How do you react?

My classmate just threatened the monitor, because his code isn't working.

How software projects are managed...

Dude: Come on man, Google and/or Facebook are not actively listening to us, I mean, we're not terrorists.
Me: Ok, Google
Google Asistant: How can I help you?
Dude: ._.

>22 year old college student
>Apply for a QA internship
>Interview goes well,they see I have plenty of experience and doubt it's real
>Hard questions are thrown
>Answer them and they admit the position is for manual testing

I honestly don't care I need the money, plus manual testing doesn't usually strain me.

>A week goes by
>A month goes by
>Call them
>...Sorry we were looking for someone with less technical and dev experience.

My fucking face when I don't have a title, still overqualified, fighting with WordPress devs on freelancer.

*deep breath*

Remain calm, don’t freak out, remain calm, don’t freak out.

*deep breath*

Ok, so my sort of new manager (had a slightly different manger-ish role on the team), has for the third time in as many months, just sent an email criticizing the dev team for our working from home-ness (which for the record has not been that bad, 2/3 or 3/3 have been in everyday for the past month)

In this same period, there has been late nights, weekends, successful releases, I’ve been invited to talk at a conference about my work (not a particularly big one, but still). Point is, everything is going well, very well in fact.

There has been no emails discussing our great work, thanking us for extra work, thanking us for picking up slack from other teams who are down a few people etc. no our major concern it seems is the “optics” of our team not being present in the open space.

Our contracts list flexible working hours, and his boss has frequently told us WFH is fine when things are too busy. But no he is complaining for us to get our hours in the office in line and make sure we are in the office more.

It’s been a particularly long and frustrating week, and I’m very tempted to inform him that if he is concerned about my chair and desk looking empty, that I can put them somewhere for him where they will always be occupied until a surgeon can remove them.

However, thanks to the deep breaths, I’ve managed to restrain myself long enough to run this past you all first and ask advice.

Please help,
Sincerely,
My sanity

oh the rage..

FOR FUCK SAKE...

The same fucking guy that said Java and JavaScript is the same thing tried inserting RAM into the PCIe slot twice! It doesn't even look like it will fit at first sight.

Just had to use Google maps for the first time in ages because nothing else was working.

It displayed a bus stop at a wrong location. I just fucking missed my bus.

Thanks for nothing, Google, go fuck yourself.

When your -non programmer- friends ask you to build an mmo for them..

IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE!

And they don't understand 😤

Heard this somewhere and thought it was applicable here to software issues in general 😂

The 4 R's of troubleshooting a problem:
1. Retry
2. Reboot
3. Reinstall
4. RAGE

Newest addition to my desk (after reviewing code written by ex-coworker)

First rant.

Managing an app in Canada, came back home to Thailand to visit my parents.

No deployments while you're gone, just bug fixes, boss said.

Landed at 3am, "hey I know we only support desktop but we got new customers only on iPad, make it responsive in a day and deploy." Wtf.

Haven't even seen my parents. In Starbucks.

Seeing OOP classes with more than a 1000 lines of code really pisses me off.

"Can you make it pop more..."

A moment of silence please, for the same fucking, irritating word that every goddamn Joe, Jim and Jenny uses for describing how a site should look. What the hell is pop supposed to mean, you want an epilepsy warning I'll put some popping lights and nausea inducing Nyan cats across your screen. You want it to pop more, sure no problem...

There's a window over there, go fucking throw your PC out of it.

Fuck the politics
Fuck cunt licking managers
Fuck net neutrality
Fuck those fonts
Fuck birthdays
Fuck your emotions
Fuck Instagram
Fuck your servers
Fuck television
Fuck the monsoons
Fuck the code
Fuck your crush
Fuck corporates
Fuck vacations
Fuck religion
Fuck Facebook
Fuck vintage cars
Fuck new smartphones
Fuck the world

That guy running tea stall on weekends, yeah! Fuck him too.

FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!!!

So, rage time.

A few months ago I inherited a big Wordpress website, with around 750 pages.

The client has reported the main menu is broken.

Upon looking at the code it appears the previous "Wordpress Developer" (ahem ...) attempted to rewrite navigation system - no idea why.

As part of the 4000 class below is a screenshot of part of the file where he's determining if the current menu item is active, within a loop. Whilst the whole if statement spans 409 lines - the code basically continues exactly the same downwards.

Shameful :/

My LinkedIn profile bio:

... however I’m not interested in hybrid mobile or contract work.

My LinkedIn “notes to recruiters”:

... I’m not interested in hybrid mobile or contract work.

My preferences:

- ticked full time permanent
- listed native technologies in the tag selector.

Email this morning:

Hi are you interested in the below role:

Role: Hybrid mobile developer
Salary: xxxxx
Type: 6 - 12 month contract.

No I am not you fucking fucktard. Read my fucking profile or go fuck yourself with a fucking cactus!

Fuck this guy who calls himself a fullstack developer after doing a HelloWorld with Node.js and a bit of flex box.
No. Really. Stop with this bullshit.

I can't express my rage, just wanted to share this

I really f*cking hate it when someone tells me they use PC and they look weirded out at me when I ask what operating system they use and say 'well I use PC so windows obviously' and then I'm like ' PC STANDS FOR PERSONAL COMPUTER NOT FOR F*CKING WINDOWS', man, can't stand those people

When i open cmd and can't run a command because i am not admin.

Some genius at apple:

I know, let's have a wireless mouse and when something goes wrong with the boot loader let's put a button there to restart the machine but not select it, also don't load the drivers for the wireless mouse so the user has to plug in a wired mouse to click the button

Me: what an absolute donkey dick of an OS. I will replace you with rasbrian...

When you're preparing to go to sleep and a bug decides to pop up

( rant || !rant ) && idiots
console.info( this.isLongRant );
console.warn( "contains strong language and wordpress" );

A friend of mine sent two of his "friends" to me because they wanted me to build a website for their new business (~idea).

So I had a meeting with them.

First of all they wanted me to have a look on the current (work in progress) site.
First impression of the frontend:
OH BOY!?

Well, imagine this:

- a 90s/2k background (dotted/pixelated cloud in baby-blueish as backgroud with repeat)

- the logo was made by the sister of one of the guys, it wasn't too bad, but badly aligned, asymmetrical

- some obvious $offTheShelfShopPlugin with $randomStockContent

- the fucking slider had a small loading bar to indicate changes, it appears like an hyperanxious child on ADHS

- below the logo TWO FUCKING GIF SPINNERS to indicate nothing else but how fucking brain amputated these two dudes are, including the dev who is responsible for adding this. (to this point, they only told me, that a webagency did the setup and some basic work on the site, more on that later)

- no styling concept at all, random fonts and stuff everywhere including default styles of the shop plugin.

- FUUUUUCK WTF wil come furtherin this meeting?

After seeing a pile of binary puke fisted out of a 60yo nonstop-intern who changed his jobtitle from dildo-traveling-salesman to fullstack-frontend-dev by wrinting it on a post-it-note, I imagined, there has to be something wrong with the backend as well.

Boy was I right!
Yes, you guessed it! A random Wordpress adminpanel login appeared! OH NO....
I really wanted to levae this meeting immediately.
I was not able to hold my disgust back and I told them right in their face, what a shit pile of nutty squirrel turds this current page is. And that Wordpress is not the right choice at all for a shop.

Then came the best part: They basically told me, that they terminated the previous contract with the webagency because they were too expensive (they are cheap, compared to others, I know people who know their prices) and that they wanted to create A BIG MARKETPKACE with multiple ressellers who can have their shop in their website. Something similar to FUCKING AMAZON. ON FUCKING WORDPRESS!?!?!?
They even asked me if I wanted to be their partner & developer and that they can't pay much at the moment until the marketplace starts to grow.

I more or less told them to go fuck themselves with a rusty pitchfork.

You cannot find \ in Japanese MacBook keyboard. You have to press alt + ¥ 💢

But if are in the hiragana keyboard mode alt + ¥ key is / 💢💢

Warning: contains swearwords!

Do you guy's also have coder-"friend" that:
- Always asks how to do things
- ask for code snippets
- steals your fucking code from Anydesk
- steals your passwords while testing
- steals your code from deobfuscated jar
- steals your jar and deobfuscate it
- steals your database to store stolen passphrases
- tries to convince you to build RATs for your users
- tries to convince you to build RATs for his users
- and so on...

??FOR FUCKING REAL THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME!

HE IS A FUCKING SUCKER CUNT! HE PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE DELETED MY PROJECTS AND TELLS ME HE IS STILL USING THEM TO RESEARCH MY CODE FOR HIS CODE!!!

HE FUCKING RECORDED ME WHILE CODING WITH AN API I AM NOT USED TO WHILE I ASK HIM FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE AND HE THEN SENDS IT TO HIS FRIENDS TO PISS ME OF AND LAUGH ABOUT ME!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHY THE FUCK ARE ASSHOLES LIKE HIM NOT IN FUCKING PSYCHIATRY!

AND I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING NICE!!

FOR GODS SAKE PLS LET A LIGHTNING STRIKE HIT HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE!

AT FUCKING LEAST I GOT SENT AN IMAGE OF HIS ADDRESS SO I WILL SHIT IN A FUCKING BOX AND SEND IT TO THAT CUNT!

I am so fucking jealous of all you assholes. Oh look at me, i am a full stack developer and yada yada. I have the time and patience to do whatever app or game i want and show it off.

Fuck, you.

If i get home, i am glad i can stay awake for dinner and play a little game before i go to bed and my next day starts.

I have ideas, i need to do some self study to get all parts of those ideas going, but i fucking can't.

I have no motivation and no energy to spend when i get home, and even the weekends rarely i will feel like proframming jack shit. When or how do you even do it?! It's driving me up the wall and it makes me feel useless.

Stop being better then me in every possible way!

!rant
Dark theme is the best, I love dark themes.

I actually wanna RAGE QUIT right about now!!!

I wanna fuck off and go somewhere where my talents are appreciated and I'm actually listened to! I'm reaching the point where I hate my job and don't actually want to be here any more.

I asked to be able to work from home (long story... see previous rants) and that was "shut down" after numerous attempts and even when working from was a prerequisite that somehow got lost in translation.

I was stuck in traffic for almost 3 hours yesterday and it is known that there are currently roadworks on my route, and yet they don't seem to move on the notion of working from home.

When I work it out, I sit in my car on average for over 40 hours per month! That's another fucking work week just so that I can get to and from work everyday. Again, they can say what that want, but I mentioned it several times that I wanted to work from home.

They're story is... "We've never had anyone work from home before so we wouldn't know how to approach it". Ok fine, I guess... FIGURE IT OUT, FFS!!!

The other thing was that I would be the "team leader" of the project. With me speaking to a management, they made me the leader. Big fucking whoop! My next question is the leader of what exactly are you making me? Because at the moment I'm the only fucking person working on the project! The other chap who is on "my team" is so busy with these other small side projects that in the 6 months he's been here, the only time he's actually had anything to do with the project is when he's peeped over my shoulder! Also, there was supposed to be more than just one other developer on the "team", but alas!

I'm not happy here at all anymore and I am actually starting to feel the depression creep in and there's nothing I can seem to do about it! I can't stand the traffic to and from work and they have not tried to make anything worthwhile when I get to work, even after my numerous requests!

Replaced all semi colons with the Greek question mark.
i watched him as he spent over 3½ hours trying to debug it.

When I found out my JSON didn't parse because I used single instead of double quotes after two hours

I'm going to find who put this here.

And he'll be having a long fucking talk with QA.

Ok so I started doing Minecraft development because why not and it's super easy to jack the prices up on projects...

THEESE COMMUNITIES ARE SO TOXIC!! I have worked on ~ 13 servers in the past month and have built myself a pretty good reputation. Recently I was hired by a network who wanted a few plugins made and I agreed. There were two owners, one who was paying me and had already paid me and paid for everything and another who is a very popular YouTuber and streamer (~100k subs). Both owners were in a disagreement and the one who was paying for everything including my second paycheck which I thankfully recieved requested that I erased the server so the YouTuber couldn't steal the server files.

I hesitantly copied the files and sent them to the person paying me. The YouTuber then got furious and blamed the server not working out on me and now I have a bunch of 8 year old fan boys destroying my rep. I swear to god I'm going to destroy this kids YouTube channel if it's the last thing I do.

Tester - The app has a bug when I try to buy a ticket
Me - okay, what's the bug ?
Tester - it shows an error
Me (trying to not high-five him with a chair in the face) - What's the error message?
Tester - ah nvm it works now!!

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuu. Explain the issue you dimwit, don't just say it doesn't fucking work!

We've all been there

I feel the same way every single day

Probably the most rage inducing data loss story...
When it comes to my cellphone I'm a data hoarder, I store each relevant meme, conversation, video, contact, nudes, etc. Had to replace my phone? Easy, change the SD.

I did this for about 4 years, had over 11GB of almost everything and anything in a 36GB SD, one afternoon my buddies and I went to a small tech convention and on our way to my car we got mugged by 5 armed men.

They took my brand new phone along with my wallet and all my cash, luckily I had GPS tracking enabled and we were able to pinpoint the exact location of my phone within 30min.

So far so good...

We called the cops and went with them, we found the car with illegal plates and weapons inside (knives, a bat, gun) so I tell the robbers were in there inside a closed cyber cafe and showed him the point on the map confirming this.

Cop: oh we can't do that we don't have an order...
Me: are you kidding me, here's the GPS, there's the car, there's the weapons, doesnt that count as at least probable cause or some shit?
Cop: we don't have that in this country, you can file a report and after 3 business days we can come here to inquire.
Me: (fucking lost it) do you fucking think they'll be here in 3 days?! I'll give you 500 bucks if you go bust their ass now.
Cop: (thinks about it) but what if they are armed? [4 patrols, 8 cops, 4 rifles and at least 6 guns plus vests] Maybe if you had contacts within the bureau we could have an order now...

(┛✧Д✧))┛彡┻━┻

I lost a lot that day, including respect to this fucked up system.

t(ಠ益ಠt) FUCK THE POLICE go eat a dick.

Joomla!

We took PHP and made it worse... somehow.

The compiler doesn't concern itself with the opinion of the programmer 😂

It's amazing how much you can do only in 1-2 hours. Somehow I was in full productive mode and I swear I completed tasks that would normally take a week because of how lazy I am normally.

"Big data" and "machine learning" are such big buzz words. Employers be like "we want this! Can you use this?" but they give you shitty, ancient PC's and messy MESSY data. Oh? You want to know why it's taken me five weeks to clean data and run ML algorithms? Have you seen how bad your data is? Are you aware of the lack of standardisation? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE MISSPELLED "information"?!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WERE MORE THAN 15 WAYS OF MISSPELLING IT!!! I HAD TO MAKE MY OWN GODDAMN DICTIONARY!!! YOU EVER FELT THE PAIN OF TRAINING A CLASSIFIER FOR 4 DAYS STRAIGHT THEN YOUR GODDAMN DEVICE CRASHES LOSING ALL YOUR TRAINED MODELS?!!
*cries*

Was asked to help a team of interns in a remote country, finish an app. Not only were they terrible at literally every aspect of development, but were arrogant and argued their "new" ways were right.

Spent weeks on the project being nice, trying to help them, sending them links to standards and documents, pointing out unit tests shouldn't be failing, everyone needs to have the same versions of the tools etc. You know, basic shit.

Things got quite heated a few weeks in when they started completely ignoring me. Shit was breaking all over the place and crashing, as I thought we were going to build it one way, and they went and built it another.

Was practically begging the team architect and my manager for help dealing with them. Only reply I got was the usual "were aware of the problem and looking into it" bullshit.

Eventually after the app was done, a mutual agreement was reached that the 2 teams would split (I maintain they were kicked out). All the local devs were happy, managers had mentioned how difficult they were and it would be great for us to finally work on our own.

So I thought everything was fine ... until my end of year performance review came along.

Seems I'm quite poor at "working with others" and I "don't try hard enough with others", it was clear I was struggling with the remote team and "made no effort".

WELL FUCK RIGHT OFF

Not being cocky, but I've never had anything like that in a performance review for the past 7 years. I'm a hard worker, and never have trouble making friends with colleagues. Everyone in the country complained about these remote fuckers, even the manager, who I begged for help. And the end result is I need to work harder.

I came in early, stayed late to fit their timezone, took extra tasks, did research for them, wrote docs. And I was told to work harder.

Only reason I didn't quit, was my internal transfer request was approved lol. New team is looking at projects orders of magnitude more impressive, never been happier.

Colleague: Oh i've noticed your PR uses tabs instead of spaces, we use spaces, can you change yours please?

Me: ..... can you leave the building immediately, for your own safety

Stop breaking your fucking stuff.
What did your keyboard or monitor ever do to you? A friend of mine who must not understand the value of money just absolutely obliterated his expensive ass iMac. What the fuck, if I could afford to purchase one of those (but ew.. wouldn't spend my money on that) I would never DREAM of purposely hitting my gadget.

Fuck. Even when playing a game and I get frustrated I am fucking CONSCIOUS of the fact that the device I am using to play it is not at blame. Protip. Don't smash your belongings, you'll only look like a bigger ass if you do.

Mate: I think we should use firebase for our project.
Me: why?, I don't think our project require firebase
Mate: I think there should be some use of firebase in our project.
Me: *madly Explains complete project architecture why we don't need real-time database*
Mate: *not accepting* there should be use of firebase, I'll think and tell you
Me: *Flips table* 😡

What is your opinion on piracy?

Eminem helps convert my rage into code

What people think of you when you say you are a programmer.

Close to project completion (2 years).
PM confesses he hasn't ever logged into the product.

Outside:
keep staring at the screen with a poker face.

Inside:
I WILL CHOP YOUR FINGER OFF IF YOU DARE TOUCH THE SCREEN AGAIN.

FUCK JOOMLA, SERIOUSLY FUCK IT. HOW DIFFICULT CAN IT BE TO REMOVE ONE FUCKING ITEM?! FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK

Hey DevRant!
I've been lurking for a few weeks now, and it bothered me that I couldn't like/dislike posts, so I finally decided to make an account. :D

I am currently a programming student, I'm in my third year. I started learning with C# but later I switched to Python, PHP and HTML5.

There's still many things I want to learn, this is just the beginning of my long, stressful yet rewarding life as a programmer. (:

Monitor at the train station in Zwolle (the Netherlands) was showing this all day 😋

When you just can't get a break...

RANT TIME!

Sorry guys, I know this is devRant and probably not a place to post this but am fucking burning with fury and fatigue! I should probably develop elecRant and post it there instead.

I FUCKING HATE POWER ELECTRONICS!!

I am in my final year of electrical engineering and I can fucking say with confidence that power electronics is the most fucked up unit I have seen in my life. A whole load of useless math from simple RLC circuits just to make students' lives miserable. For those who might not know, power electronics is some unit that involves use of solid state electronics(transistors, diodes etc) for power applications(switching mostly). Basically things like inverters and converters. UPS systems are an example of their applications.
Now don't be fooled by how that sounds cool and so smart, this shit is fucked up. These circuits in the attached picture might just seem like simple RLC networks with some BJTs, but they are devils in their own right. They fucking need some advanced unnecessary calculus and Fourier analysis to even calculate the simplest output current!! Worst still, some of these motherfuckers have more than 1 mode of operation,needing one to analyze some fucking 100+ waveforms. I fucking hate this shiit! I hate it!
You might say that i am just being lazy and don't want to study. Let me tell you something, FUCK YOU TOO!!

Feeling productive at a Sunday evening. Let's install a DNS server and a fucking mail server on two forgotten VPS's I am still paying for.

SO A-FUCKING-PPEARANTLY, THEIR WEB MANAGEMENT PANEL IS FUCKED UP SO I CANNOT REINSTALL MY MOTHERFUCKER VPS's. HOW FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING DIFFICULT CAN IT BE.

That moment, when you get a clients logo in .pptx format...

Me: I'm not upgrading my MacOS beyond Yosemite, I am happy with my custom themes and plugins.

Manager: Guess what? You get to integrate ApplePay on our store's site. Don't forget it only works Sierra.

Me:

When the PM grabs my keyboard to show me how he thinks I should do the task...

My boss codes shitty ugly fucking abominations.
These fucking piles of hacky crap are worth less than a penny puked out by a dog, eaten by another one and then shit out, grabbed by a vagrant, stuffed in his arse and then sold as raw metal by the cremation worker after the former's death.

Fuck this. I'm not gonna rewrite this. Fuck you.

JS. IS. A. PROGRAMMING. LANGUAGE.

So Friday afternoon is always deployment time at my company. No sure why, but it always fucks us.

Anyways, last Friday, we had this lovely deployment that was missing a key piece. On Wednesday I had tested it, sent out an email(with screenshots) saying "yo, whoever wrote this, this feature is all fucked up." Management said they would handle it.

The response email. 1(out of 20) defects I sent in were not a defect but my error. No further response, so I assume the rest were being looked into.

In a call with bossman, my manager states that the feature is fixed, so I go to check it quickly before the deployment(on Friday).

THERE IS NO FUCKING CODE CHECK-IN. THE DEV BASTARD JUST SAID THAT MY USECASE WAS WRONG, SO MY ENTIRE EMAIL WAS INVALID.

I am currently working on Saturday, as the other guy refuses to see the problem! It is blatant, and I got 3 other people to reproduce to prove I am not crazy!

On top of that, the code makes me want to vomit! I write bad code. This is like a 3rd grader who doesn't know code copy-pasted from stack overflow! There is literally if(A) then B else if(!A) then B! And a for loop which does some shit, and the line after it closes has a second for loop that iterates over the same unaltered set! Why?! On top of that, the second for loop loops until "i" is equal to length-1, then does something! Why loop???

The smartest part of him ran down his Mama's leg when it saw the DNA dad was contributing!

Don't know who is the culprit, and if you happen to see this, I am pissed. I am working on Saturday because you can't check your code or you lied on your resume to get this job, as you are not qualified! Fuck you!

Trying to build a mobile first application that relies on camera and geolocation data but use drupal to do it.... ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS .. WTF is this shit?! ... let me nail in this screw with a banana.

When someone else uses your idea.

Every time I look at some code and say "what the hell?!" the code refactors itself before my very eyes.

I've only been away for 3 days...

Since fucking when did "bare metal" mean just running on an OS?? At a conference and literally everyone is like "we got kubernetes running on bare metal", got super excited for a bit because just the idea of that sounds amazing but they're using it as slang for "basically not in a container or vm."

Nothing exciting at all. Now we're patting ourselves on the back for getting software working without it being preconfigured as a container or a VM image. No one knows how to do anything any more. MUCH too much abstraction going on.

I guess it keeps me more employable, but the state of the world from a developer standpoint is just sad.

(For reference, this is what the first sentence of "Bare Metal" looks like on wikipedia "In computer science, bare machine (or bare metal) refers to a computer executing instructions directly on logic hardware without an intervening operating system.")

Did you fucking idiots think that I was gonna tell you to implement async await on the requests and not notice that you IMPLWMENTED GODDAMN SYSTEM-SLEEP YOU DESNE MOTHERFUCKEDS IT NOT TAKES 10X AS LONG AS MY OATCH TO JUST LIMIT THE NUMBER IF HTTP REQUESTS FOR FUCJS SAKE THIS CODE LOONS LIKE A RACCOON FUCKED AN MACBOOK THAT ALSO GOT FUCKED BY A GOAT FROM CHERNOBYL THAT SOMEHOW MUTATED TO A RACCOON GOAT 🐐 MACBOOK 💻 HYBRID ABOMINATION THAT IS NOW CLAWING MY EYES OUT AND GIVING ME RABIESCANCERAIDS

You can't keep wasting your time on people who do not know what the fuck they want. You could be way more time efficient with serious clients.

*After I have finally deployed the requested features*

Client: Why did it take you two weeks in the end? You said it would take you a couple days.

Me: Because you told me to use my imagination on half of the tasks and you kept wanting me to change what I had created, thus unnecessarily doubling the time it should have taken. Besides that probably the unclear communication and the fact that you rarely called me back after you told me to call you.

Client: So if I tell you, exactly, how I want it next time you'll be able to do it in a couple days?

Me: I'm not sure, that depends on what you want. Tell me, exactly, what you want.

Client: Oh it's not much, I'll let you do your thing for the most.

Me: I can't handle another request, sorry. *Ends call*

My worst experience was at my job where they told me I have to move to a permanent position from 3 years of contracting without a specific offer.
Why is that bad? In my country it means approximatly 40% lower wage.
I came into the job with PHP knowledge when they were looking for Perl on a project one year behind schedule. I learned the language and finished working demo in 6 weeks.
After that, every project that was ever assigned to me was done within 5-15% of the allocated time. I'm not kidding here. My manager loved be, because I was reliable, fast and I even 'accidentaly' solved other problems, like for instance I developed simple syslog search tool and benchmarked zip algos for reading speed, and the fastest had 70% better compression than the algo used before (gzip into plzip on 1-2gb files). That solved anothet problem - syslog servers did not have enough disk space and they didn't have money to upgrade the server.
The number of projects I touched or developed was over 20.
I also lead and developed our team's most successful tool, that every customer was throwing money to buy, while cutting down costs everywhere.
And after three years of that, my manager says that there are no more money for contractors. And the only possibility is going for employment. Without any specific offer! Just 'we cant do this anymore'.
Which I understand, that can happen in corporation, but ffs after all I've done, I expected warmer attitude. Not like 'you may have to leave, since we do not really care'.
I liked the people there, even though the corporation environment was lacking in many respects, but I wanted to help our local branch with everything I could and they gave up on me like that.
So I started looking elsewhere and I found a startup which offered 6 times the money I had in my previous job and promises to relocate me to USA. Which is the best thing that has happened to me that year and second best in my whole life!

I fucking hate this country. I hate this place. I hate these people.

I have to wait for seconds for chrome to even show up, I can't browse shit. VS Code fucks it up like I'm tryna solve some quantum formulas but in reality IT JUST HAVE TO OPEN A FUCKIN PROJECT FOLDER.

I hate the fact that I need to work for months to afford a decent computer, MBP or XPS isn't even a dream for me.

Wanna buy a XPS? Good. Now work for 10 months even without spending a dime. MBP? It just become 20.

Why did I have to be born in this fucking shithole part of the world? I could've just born dead, that would be less painful.

Our clients don't know anything about development. Our account manager doesn't know anything about development. For people who don't know a lot about development, the word "script" gets thrown around WAY too much. It makes me cringe.

For all the special snowflakes who understand code and are treated like shit:
Cheer up!

I like how devs keep on shitposting Windows rants, but never switch to Linux.

Windows will never get better, you have to give it up :)

FUCK FUCKING FUCK NETBEANS MESSED UP SO I DELETED A PROJECT I'VE JUST BEN WORKING ON FOR THE PAST DAY AND I CAN'T RECOVER IT FUUUUUUUUUUUU

I swear, the only reason I'm using windows is video games...

So I sit in IT-Support, and let's just say that I don't quite have the mindset of a supporter, I'm simply sitting here to wait to move onto programming.

Anyways, I get a call and the person instantly asks me to check if someone else is busy, I ofcourse check up on the person, see that he sits in a completely different department than me (roughly 200km away from me) and I respond with the following "I can't check if he's busy, have you tried calling his phone".... This half brained dick bag, then says "I go on hold when I call his phone" aka the person is in the middle of a call...

I barely have any hair left, kudos to the people who work in IT-Support daily.

When I was 20, I coded for 24 hours straight, even ate at the computer, as a dare to finish all the tasks in one go. I was successful.
Now I'm 25 and I have no time for such stuff. Kinda miss that

When you're coding on a VM so slow that it takes at least 5 seconds for eclipse to save your changes, all because company thinks its too risky to have source code on the bloody physical machine

"I couldn't fix the test so I commented it out."

"I removed build timeouts because our jobs started taking that long."

Next I'm waiting for "Compiling the code is good enough we don't need tests" before I lose it...

When your parents expect you to be tech support and then fucking can't fix it, they get all like "You suck at programming". What does that have to do with fucking anything?!?!?!

When you spend 10 minutes searching for that library, and the default path is /usr/library instead of /usr/lib

I'm gonna start using this

Geee... i really don't get stack overflows down vote rage. Just answered to a simple question with a perfectly sane and correct answer. Before i could re-read my answer i already had 3 down votes. Some girl also answered but wrongly and no down votes. Damn, this is getting insane...

Once upon a time, one or two jobs ago, a really awesome engineer specced out a distributed search application in response to a business need. This company was managed pretty oldschool and required a ton of paperwork and approvals.

The engineer spent many weeks running tests and optimizing the hell out of this app cluster. It flew, and he had the data to prove it could handle production workloads (think hundreds of terabytes of data being processed every single day)

Part of the way he achieved this was having RAID0 on all of the servers to maximize I/O throughput. He didn't care much about data loss, since the application itself was fault tolerant on a much more granular level.

Management, hearing about this, absolutely flipped their shit and demanded RAID6 instead. This despite the conclusive data that the engineer had that proved RAID6 couldn't keep up.

He more or less got told to STFU.

Even this despite the fact that a RAID restripe would actually take many times longer than rebuilding the failed node from scratch (a process that took about 30 minutes by hand, and could probably be automated to be done in less than five), causing a longer exposure to actual data loss throughout the length of the days-long array rebuild time.

The ill-thought-out requirement added about 50% to the cost of the project (*many* more hard drives now required), beyond the original budget, and the subsequent bureaucratic wrangling resulted in a late product launch.

6 months or so later, after real customers were using this product, the app was buckling under around half of its expected workload. A friend of the engineer suggested to management to try RAID0. Sure enough, that resolved the I/O bottleneck.

This rage-inducing story has a happy ending, though! Said engineer left the company not long after this incident, citing it as a reason for his departure. He was immediately hired by another company, making integer multiples of his prior salary.

The product the company botched the launch of by ignoring his spec? It died a few months later. Maybe the poor customer experience was to blame? Maybe the late launch? Maybe it was another reason entirely.

Either way, millions of dollars of hardware now sat fallow. This was a black eye on the company all the way up to the C-level.

tl;dr: Listen to your engineers. You hired them for their expertise.

I'm replacing my all t-shirts with this one

Oh yes, today was a fugly nice day.
Fuck you my dear boss.
Your mindless way of taking a dump onto my code, moving my classes (CSS) away and adding new classes to refuck my unfucked fuckery clearly shows how much brain is left in your hollow skull of nothingness.

It took me only 2.5 hours of my precious time to unfuck your refucked fuckery and implement the fix you wanted me to do because you fucked up my code.

Go eat a bag of segfaults and get cast to void* (void pointer).
I am also very thankful having spent the whole day today to fix cross browser fuckups, hacks and #!&$+@.

Normally I really like my boss. He is a cool guy and an innovative and mostly intelligent person.
BUT FUCK HIS CODE.

Testers be like: "Error when using system (see screenshot)"

Nice one, super descriptive with where and what you did to encounter the error, oh and cheers for the finger nail sized screenshot!

Article 13 has been FUCKING PASSED. SHIT SHIT FUCKEDDY FUCK ING FUCK-CHRIST ON A FUCKING FUCK BYCICLE MADE OF FUCKING ARSNIC COVERED LEGO BRICKS WITH PINS INSTEAD OF BUMPS BEING RIDDEN BY THE DECREPIT CORPSES THE EU CALLS A FUCKING GOVERNMENT!!

FUCK FUCK FUCKING FUCK SHIT AAAAAAAAAARGGGGG!

First chance I get I'm asking for a transfer to America.

FUCK THIS FACEBOOK ASSHOLES FOR GIVING MY NUMBER TO A CLIENT. FUCK YOU ASSHOLES. I DON'T SIGNED UP FOR GIVING OUT MY NUMBER TO EVERYONE .I HOPE YOUR COMPANY LOSE ALL THEIR ASSETS AND MARK ZUCKERBERG GO BANKRUPT .... FUCK YOU ...

Booked an Uber...
ETA: 10 minutes...
*Checks 4 minutes later*
ETA: 12 minutes...
*Calls the driver to confirm pick up*
*waits for another 4 minutes*
ETA: 8 minutes
*Types in this rant with passive aggression*
ETA: 10 minutes...

So, I've waited 10 minutes after an initial ETA of 10 minutes and now I gotta wait 10 minutes extra.

Arggghhhhhh!

I'm not sure who the fuck is at fault here?
The devs? The ones who design the flow? The ones handling the execution at low levels?
Or us, the customers who keep on coming back to their services succumbed to the fact that we don't have many options!

Update: I've had to wait for half an hour till my cab could reach me.
HALF AN HOUR = Practically the time it would have taken me to walk to the cab!

Yesterday a strange bug appeared in Chrome: In a small web app we have some umlaut characters like äöü. Strangely said characters were displayed as cyrillic, but only on my pc... On every other device it worked. I spent about 5 hours of checking encodings (everything was in UTF-8), reading posts in the almighty stackoverflow.
Finally i figured out, the font was broken. After reinstalling it, everything was peaceful again in my head.

Class DonaldTrump extends Shit implements Asshole {
public final boolean PRESIDENT = false;
public final String THINKING = "bullshit";
public void talk () {
System.out.println(THINKING);
}
}

When you have been coding for hours, only to find out there is a much easier solution to it..

Internship Company employee: Hey, we need 600 images uploaded to a wordpress site, you'll have to do that for me.
Me: Alrightyy, can you give me some FTP or SSH access or something?
Employee: Nope, not allowed to.
Me: Uhm, I could write a shell script and run it?
Employee: The server is windows....
Me: Mother of god, I'll have to do it manually then?
Employee: You could ask John (my technical guider, not his real name) if you can borrow some fellow interns!
Me: *walks to John* Hey man, can I borrow some interns?
John: What for?
Me: Manually uploading 600 images to posts :).
Interns: *looking at me with a deadly view*
John: Sure!
Interns:

So there's a new team member in the project (me & him), he's assigned to make the frontend, which is great since I'm so proficient doing back. But he starts by doing backend tasks and the fucking frontend which is the most delayed part of the project is still untouched.

Most furstrating bug :
console.lof()
yup! lof not log

Dont do with your friends but try on your enemies muhahaha

A note to my team, who I hope never actually reads this.

To my manager: Grow a fucking spine, you asshat! We literally ignore you, you are useless!! Other people do your job, and you can't even talk to your reporting person directly! You have us do it!

To my tech lead: You are crazy, but in a good way! I have no idea how you cram so much work into so little time, and I would march into hell for you. You are in the trenches with us, and I respect you greatly!

To dev number 1: You are hard working, but stop modifying my code and breaking it!

To the other devs: If you leave 4 hours before the tech lead anymore, I will beat you to death with a cum filled sock! My rage fucking erection is that strong!

To everyone else: fuck you!

Damn you DevRant! I went from playing mobile games and rage about players I can't beat to scrolling through rants and raging with other devs!

Got tipsy last night, hungry, saw that some of the pots I needed still needed to be washed, yada yada. Noticed that the lid of the fucking pot got broken. ... PLANNED OBSOLESCENCE AGAIN?!!! 😠

Noticed some schmoo in there (wtf is that doing in there?!), cut that out and decided to try again.. still no good, the damn handle just falls right off. Super glue to the rescue, because YOU FUCKING POT AREN'T ALLOWED TO DIE JUST YET, MOTHERFUCKER!!! 😤

So after a while of cursing, shouting in rage and repairing something for once instead of sending it in a low earth orbit, I got it back together. With the white schmoo that must've been super glue earlier as well. To fix the shit that those Swedish IKEA fuckers couldn't possibly get right!!! I don't give a shit about getting inside of a fucking lid for a cooking pot (other than for having to build the goddamn thing, wtf yo) so feel fucking free to close the damn thing down to make it last! That's where it should be closed down, unlike in fucking consumer electronics where it shouldn't!!! HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT CAN IT BE, CORPORATE AIRHEADS???!!!! 😡

... As such I vocally ranted last night in my home. Some neighbor passed by as I was raging, and he probably thinks that I've got anger issues (guess why... 😑). But I have no idea how to explain it to my neighbors, or whether I even should. Any suggestions?

How do you guys explain to people that Javascript != Java without raging?

MFW I've been spending over an hour on a problem that is solved by background-size: contain

Why does node-sass have such garbage documentation?!
I've now spent over an hour trying to get a clear and concise answer to how that shit works, and what do I get? This: (see picture)

I don't know what any of that means, nor do they care to tell me.
I don't want to render this shit at runtime, I want it to compile the sass code when I make changes to it so my app doesn't get boggled down by unnecessary background processes.
But nooo of course not.
To top it off, the "easy" electron-compile solution doesn't even fucking compile because all its dependencies are either outdated or 404 on me. 😡

It's shit like this that makes me hate web-style development. Lacking documentation and people who just assume everything is logical and clear from the start. It's fucking not.

That moment when you make a typo that you didn't see for a long time and than the compiler breaks

Dear intern, if you really really have the urge to use fucking spaces for indentation because it let's you feel like being some Google hipster, then PLEASE AT LEAST REMOVE THE SPARE ONES WHEN YOU FUCKING COPY PASTE CODEBLOCKS!!!1!!1111!

I'm perfectly OK if people wanna use spaces if they use it in an OCD-proof manner.

Nah, let's be honest: Spaces are a filthy way to indent stuff. Tabs are in a lot ways superior and if an editor can't render tabs correctly, the editor is a piece of worm puke.

Deep learning rage!
Credits: Miles Brundage

My boss knows nothing about development. JUST buzzwords.

*in regards to a project* Boss: "just write it in PHP; it'll be easy!"

Me: "you know PHP?"

Boss (fully serious): "...enough to be dangerous."

He has never written a line of code in his life, let alone has any clue about what PHP does. Whenever I want to fuel my rage, I think about this moment.

Okay, so I have to write a script that will get user data from an AD, additional information from an XML, combine those two to get boss user relationship and output that mess into an excel sheet.
Oh, and both sources are ofc completely inconsistent. So I need full error handling on everything.
Aaaaaaand I have to write it in VB script... Using np++... Without plugins...
I hate my life!

Was having a Good day , My code was compiling, Android Studio did find the fucking 'R' In his goddamn libraries and eventually got my strong coffee by my desk.
Suddenly i'm hit up with one of Noob friends saying that he installed Windows on His MacBook Air...
My ears and eyes starting bleeding and all that came in my mind was why the heck did you do this, why the heck did you coat your Chocolate truffle with the fucking Mud. Why didn't you just hammered the keyboard and the screen before doing . I had to sleep after this and all that i saw in my dreams was fucking apples and windows.
Please for God's sake don't do this , wouldn't be a sin more deep than this one

Fuck it all!

# gym rant

My reaction when people hog the only two squat racks in the entire gym for 40+ minutes doing lifts that don't need rack at all. All I want to do is implement time division multiplexing for equipment.

Earlier this day, I was about to start a new project. So I copied my favourite gulpfile.js into that projects root and installed all dependencies with npm. After running Gulp for the first time it threw an error.

Silly me tried to fix stuff and got googling the error and trying random things... After a break of a few hours I just fucking rerun Gulp and read the fucking error completely. It stood there. The fucking solution just stood there, run "npm blah --force" to reconfigure package blah....

Of course it worked right away and I finally could start working. But this shit took way too long. Why I just can't read the fucking error message. Damn

Passive aggressive taunts from office folks for not working on a holiday

Oh you're a real programmer because you use pointers.... Big man you are. Meanwhile I'm at home because I use a garbage collector and don't have any memory bugs.

When there’s a glaring user-facing issue in your company’s app that can cause the user to spend mobile data after specifically choosing a setting that’s supposed to prevent that.

And your boss says your fix is “out of scope for the current sprint.” And the product team agrees with him.

I ALREADY DID THE WORK AND HAD IT VERIFIED BY QA.

Sometimes I Hate agile. Then again, I don’t think we’re doing it quite right anyway.

!rage

*PM 6 months earlier: "Do whatever u want with this lib, your softw. will use it."
*PM today: renames main public function names in my lib - used by about 10 processes of mine.

*Me: (╯°□°)╯︵┻━┻

Really need to put more effort into finding new job.

I have feeling I am going to rage quit soon.

My client is pretty much my boss, he is worst client one could possibly have.

He questions my estimations of time, my estimations of difficulty, even though he is not a technical person.

It is infuriating.

I am to the point if he questions again, I will say if you know how to do it then you are more than welcome to do it.

Which will then be the beginning of the end.

It's both extremely satisfying and extremely rage-inducing when you learn that an update in the framework breaks your once perfectly functional code for no reason.

Especially when said code is from a sample written by the developers themselves.

Thank god there was a hotfix.

When somebody on devRant tells you to calm down

<rant>
I fucking HATE the Arduino environment right now.

First of all: you can't fucking put your project files in a sub folder to the main file. I can't write #include "src/motor.hpp" because it doesn't fucking know what that means.
Turns out you have to put all your header files in the fucking library folder common for all Arduino projects!

Secondly, you can't call your cpp headers hpp, they HAVE to be called h, or the Arduino environment throws a fit and begins whining about being unable to find the fucking files.
Not just that! You can't reference other Arduino libraries from within your library because the environment doesn't know what that means either.
To get around that you need to fucking include the library in your main file, AND THEN you can include it in the library file that uses it. After all, it should be the programmer's job to soon feed a so called IDE, right?

I'M SO FUCKING DONE WITH THIS SHIT! 😤

I'm ready to either program the Arduino directly with an AVR programmer or even port the entire project to the raspberry pi where I have a proper fucking Linux environment with a proper fucking directory structure so I can code proper fucking C++.
Hell I'm even fucking willing to spend all weekend porting all the code myself if necessary.

It's not reasonable that correct fucking C++ code is invalidated because I called the files something "wrong" and put them in the "wrong" directory.
</rant>

"user friendly project board" my ass

TL:DR; DON'T GET INTEL+NVIDIA LAPTOP FOR LINUX.

In the same vain as Linus Torvalds: "Fuck Nvidia, and Intel".

Trying to get intel+nvidia laptop prime w/e working is a living hell.

I'm running Manjaro(arch for lazy people) with I3-gaps(larbs).

So Manjaro provides this handy script/program mhwd that supposedly would enable the non free blob Nvidia driver except it doesn't work cause it uses bumblebee and it's saying it can't find the clearly installed fucking Nvidia driver.

Bashing my head against a wall is more fucking productive then getting my cum stain of laptop to work properly.

"Just disable the intel graphics in bios"
I would except my old shitty Acer bios piece of fucking crap can't even after booting Windows for usb hdd and flashing BIOS.

GUESS WHAT LINUX COMMUNITY THAT'S WHY NOBODY WANTS TO FREAKING USE LINUX FOR GAMING.

I fucking love Linux but I gave up gaming for it.

I'll start joining red team from now on instead of trying to use your broken shit.

for( i = 0; i < 10; i++ ){}

Worst part of being a dev,

When you find a problem that is very similar to the one you have on stackoverflow, but it's slightly different and the solution doesn't work for you.
So then you ask your specific question and you immediately get some downvotes and comments referring to that solution that didn't work.

And then after weighing all the options, you decide to rewrite the whole program or script or whatever.

Was an aspiring 2nd grade student then, still a newbie in databases and stuff.

Managed to work with bossy motherfucker who didn't give a flying fuck about proper management, team culture, job roles and everything and treated people like shit.

The big boss wanted me to develop the ecommerce website that integrates with 1c (complete and utterly garbage buggy ass dbms with RUSSIAN SYNTAX, nuff said) and with its own crm to track every employee and even real time chat. He also wanted it to be a kind of online medical wikipedia. And he wanted me to take a professional photo of each and every fucking item for this website, somewhere around 5 thousand photos.

He offered me around 800 bucks for all that job. No, not monthly. He wanted me to do all that shit alone, for 800 bucks and expected it to be up and running in less than two months.

Gently told him to fuck off. Quit that job the same day.

Canoncal.. buddy.. pal..

We need to talk about the content on the server image's login screen.

Now, I get that lots of developers will use the server image out of a desire to keep their environments minimal.. but at the same time, is the same server image that will be deployed on thousands of VMs all over the world really the place to be talking about "great IDEs available on Ubuntu" complete with smiley faces?

I'm dead serious I log in and there are fifty seven lines of crap on the screen. I don't need links to your docs or support pages, I definitely don't need cutesy links to "hey look at this cool stuff you can do on Ubuntu!", and I absolutely don't need advertisements for your paid services.

This is some of the tackiest stuff I've seen outside of Gitlab shilling for GKE in the paid enterprise version.

Stuff like this turns actual users off. Sysadmins, the ones who are going to be seeing this stuff since it's visible on SSH shells only do not care about your cutesy IDE advertising.

Grow up.

Anyone who has experienced this without falling into desperation deserves a beer, I know I need one.

Colleague: Python says I have an indentation error, halp. *Sends screenshot*

You: okay, it says it's located on file.py line 39. Can I see the related line?

Colleague: *sends a screenshot of the whole file, without numbered lines*

You: ummm, could you send me the related lines tho?😐

Colleague: 😒 yeah. *Resends a screenshot of the error and the whole file...again*

You: I REALLY need you to send me only the function scope to help you cuz I can't visually debug the whole file on a picture.

Colleague: *sends a panned phone picture with an arrow to the function (half of it)*

Plot twist: she's your girlfriend.

[EDIT]

GF: I can't see it, I'll go have a snack.

I call that PHPrankenstein

*cracks knuckles*

Boy was I happy to see this when I opened devRant up.

So for starters, more group projects are necessary. Many reasons why. To begin with, it allows for more complex programs than getting some input and printing some shit out. It also develops interpersonal skills (I hate people too, but when you go out to look for work you'll be with them, so better get used to it soon). If a platform like GitHub is used, it's easy to track who did what, and see what each person in the group did, so it should be fairly easy to discourage lazy asses.

Beyond that, stop giving us half completed assignments and asking us to fill in a function/method. Yes, it will take longer. But one doesn't learn to program by doing the minimum required work, you've got to crash and burn a lot in order to git gud. So ffs, let us do all the work. We're like AI, we learn through reinforcement learning.

Stop giving us a spec to follow. We'll do plenty of that in the future, right now we need to make mistakes, not be held by the hand all the way. Let us do dumb shit so you can fail us and tell us our code is repulsive, and this other way was better. Explain why. That's how people learn, not by telling us what each function should return, what can and can't be used, etc. And if you can't come up with a scenario in which what you're teaching is useful, then maybe you're not teaching us the right material.

I'll leave it at that for today... But I'll be back 😈

Coffee ☕️ + Headphones 🎧 =
RAGE mode on ⚔️

Employer uses IBM Software, which forces me to use Eclipse. I hate eclipse. Hate is a hard word. I'd never say, I really 'hate' a person. But eclipse, eclipse is what I hate. I can look at my smartwatch and see my heartrate rising, just thinking of how the fuck any developer on this crappy planet would ship that bullshit IDE. That saying, I'm totally fine with some bugs, using windows and so on, but eclipse... Is this a get-more-contributors strategy? Holy moly it really kills me. Hey, let's just open that maven Proj.. Oh, crash. Hey, let's install that "bug-free" version of the maven-integratio... Oh, crash. Let's do a global search over my worksp.. Oh, freezed. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! How can this be legal? I mean, seriously, most junoir devs I know, just use Eclipse, because they don't know of any other "better" IDE (VIM would be better, even notepad). Is there anyone sucking professors cocks / vaginas to get them introduce that crap IDE to students?

I was setting up a small home server running CentOS to my closet and was fighting with a USB Wifi adapter that wouldn't stay "awake". Googled the error messages and nothing...

Decided to about it on the CentOS forums and mentioned (MENTIONED, WASNT THE POINT) CWP (CentOS WebPanel) in my question, an admin came, COMMENTED A LINK TO A FORUM POST THAT TOLD "CWP IS NO WAY LINKED TO CENTOS" AND CLOSED THE QUESTION!
FUUUCKKKKK, i wanted to hit something sooo hard. The admin basically turned my point from A to X.

I was asked to change the design / colours of a web application so that it matched the company's new branding.

Their reply: "It's all a bit grey and dull".

Guess what, it's exactly the same as your fu#king brochure!

"It needs to be modern and user friendly. Can we have some lime greens and purples".

No. no you cannot! RAGE!

A colleague just hit his computer with a C++ textbook and shouted a verse that easily would have been bleeped out on TV. All this because he could not log into Windows.
Microsoft need not worry, they seem to have fixed any loophole for such bruteforce login attempts ;-)

Honestly, I spent years trying to make the most out of every functionality that the languages provided... After 7 years of that, last 3 I only use the most basic things and I can say: it is far superior to keep things simple. I'm making deadlines in a third of expected time, debugging is a piece of cake, and adding new features usually takes about 5 minutes thanks to very simple and straightforward design.
TL;DR: Keep It Simple Stupid
#kiss #suckless

There is an nerdy socially retarded IT head. He asked me to look into a project after the programmers left the company. Basically he gave me a list of modification with one particular screenshot of Calendar( seems like a JQuery plugin) and asked me to develop it.. I asked him to give me the link from where he got the Calendar... No fucking response in Skype.
So after a month he asked me to show the project, I showed him with the Calendar similar to picture and no functionality. He said it was CRAP. I asked him to give me proper documentation as what he expects and what he wants.
BUT FUCK NO. HE SAYS, "ARE YOU A JUNIOR CODER? DO IT WITHIN A WEEK OR WE ARE DONE. "
And I am here keeping myself in control not to punch him. he lives nearby my house wondering if he lives alone 😂

Story time:

I worked at a firm that had an infernal off the shelf CRM system that they collaborated with the dev company to customise.

They were seriously behind the competition, and didn’t have any app or web presence for interacting with their system, instead relying on people calling (fine for the nature of the business, but competition was leaving them in the dust).

They decided that they needed to redevelop it in-house, with a focus on supporting the web and apps.

I was hired for this purpose.

It was me and one other dev, who was also the head of IT.

He’d built a small prototype, and was new to the whole WPF / MVVM thing for the in-house app, so with my previous experience it was clear it needed to serve as an example only, and that it would need redeveloping.

I was only there three months.

In that time I singularly (he was pulled away to troubleshoot their VOIP installation - yes, for three months as other companies kept dropping the ball) built:

- A WebAPI with JWT auth
- An MVC skeleton frontend
- A WPF desktop app

It had all sorts of cool shit in it, 2FA, Reactive UI, Reactive extensions, server push to desktop, a custom workflow and permissions system.

It was pretty dang cool.

End of the three months rolled around, and the non-technical managers were concerned about time to market, so they decided to drop me as I’d “not made enough progress”.

I’d also had a bit of absence which they were aware of and were supposedly supporting me through.

But MFW three months is assumed to be enough time to build such a system with one dev.

Nice sunday.... i hate my iMac

One does not simply git add --all

Middle of the night
A Compilation error
No semi-colon

I almost rage quit today bc I'm maintaining someone else's unreadable code

CSS icon is misaligned on Wikipedia page for CSS 😡

Ready for work. Coffee and stress ball for bug rage 😂

We are upgrading to nodejs 8 late, because no one is tracking versions. I had to rage a prove war with everyone that we must upgrade because node 6 is ended lts. This week i have to argue with one of the admins that the build server should be updated also (jenkins). And his problem is that our private jenkins server is not used only by our company, but other companies under our group. In my mind the only question is who decides our or other company project is important to build nor6maly. And why we should care ..
Every fucking time its a war against stagnant and/or lazy people.

I'm starting to love Go. I think it will be a good love story.

To people who know a part of their software is shit, and are always like,
" there's no need to fix it, if it's working"

FUCK YOU!

And what makes you even worse? Not commenting that shit!! Seriously how can you live with your useless selves if you don't comment your stupid code?! How do you even understand what you wrote a while later? You sure aren't a super computer... at least looking at your SHIT CODE!

I spent all of last week reading through code written by dinosaurs, just because our Android app was crashing due to stone age old code that was written by a moron who doesn't understand that you SIMPLY DON'T FUCKING DO NETWORK CALLS ON THE FUCKING MAIN THREAD. And that being said... how about doing a bunch of them in a while loop?! Are you fucking retarded?!

Also it would be nice if you commented your stupid code from time to time. We all do stupid things, but if someone gets slapped in the fucking face with your old shit and decided to be kind enough to fix?! Is he supposed to ask the devil for explanation?!

I had to read every fucking line, just to make sure I didn't delete something crucial. And guess what, it was such an important part of the app, written 12 months ago, by people who don't exist at our company anymore, and hopefully from the world, that took care of one of our most important core features.

It all turned out to be replaceable by one method, instead of using like 6 files to do what turned out to be a simple stupid fucking file upload! But if you only commented what that shit does, and didn't use method names like addAlarm() and startSupport() I would've known that it FUCKING uploadsAFuckingFile()

So stupid to have my stuff ruined by code written so badly. I had closed the ticket, and was heading home when suddenly everything crashed just cause of people slacking like this ... and looking at the stacktrace to see a class name that's unheard of by the whole team... speechless

Seriously people like this should be liquified :@

Please, can someone explain the term "enterprise" to me. I work in a corporation, I hear it twice a week, I develop it, and still have no idea what it means.

I am working as a freelance for some company, and yesterday my boss just put my pay and work on hold til next week when he is available.

So now I have a free week, with no money.

Fuck.

NO NO NO this can't acctaully be real i accidentally deleted the whole /root folder NO I FUCKING DUMBASS.........

sometimes i just want to delete all my projects and stop coding

Oh boy the schools in the Netherlands have began again, the amount of people in the train is insane... (Also one of my biggest annoyances is) the way how people pile on top of the check-in checkout poles... They try to do it as fast as possible, but because it is an unstructured pile of garbage... It takes way too long...

Is it so hard to stand in a line and just keep your card STIL AND CORRECTLY INFRONT OF THE NFC READER!?

apparently it is because I see people slamming their wallets against it, moving it around wildly and keeping up the line being Angry why the reader can't detect their card... In their wallet, probably between multiple other NFC cards within a second (BECAUSE YOU KEEP MOVING IT FROM THE READER TO THE FUCKING SCREEN!!! WTF)

Episode 3 of "I don't know Python"!

I've been tasked with making a development version of the site. At first we had no server access so I couldn't get the files for a week. I spent that time researching and practising starting a Django site. All of the documentation said the same things, pretty straight forward. When I eventually get to the files, the order isn't anything like the documentation, the file names are all wrong, there are 5 copies of every file spread around the server.

I am a total newbie at this but I feel like this has made it a million times harder. There is no .htaccess file anywhere, no requirements.txt, a MySQL and SQLite database backup. I don't even know where the sites root folder is.

Fucking cocksucker, I shut my macbook down at home, go to college and BAM the FUCKING THING WONT START ANYMORE
LIKE WTF IT HAS BEEN 15 MINUTES BETWEEN WORKING FINE AND NOT WORKING AT ALL FUCKING PIECE OF UTTER SHIT

Now I probably have to reinstall and all that fucking hell,

(ps its en encrypted drive installation so I can log in see the progress bar and then it shuts down)

User: "The blue internet icon?" ... And you know its IE9 ... /rage ;)

WTF PEOPLE!!
Some people really need to read their error messages.

Just now I got this teammate asking me how he should handle the error git returned. The error message stated: "Please commit your changes or stash them before you merge." He asked me what he should do to fix the error... I was astonished by his stupidity that he did not read the fucking error message.

Almost every fucking time a teammate comes to me with the question how to fix an error, there is a message that says how to fix the error. Why don't they read them?!?! I told you so many times to read your fucking error messages!!!

I'm really glad the project is over in a couple of weeks and I get a new team..

Rage Against the Machine

Copy-pasting faster and faster

Facebook. The only reason I still have a FB account is the groups - house rental, student buy\sell groups etc.

Microsoft for Windows 10 - some things are good but generally it really sucks capybara balls (too bad for me - I'm an avid gamer).

Also Asus and Razer for overpricing their shit. And Razer have the most dumbassest names for their products.

Oh and Apple of course - I love their products and I'd love to buy and use some of them, but I hate their scummy policies and customer treatment too much.

fuck..fuck..FUCK..FUCK YOU MANTIS!!!
fuck you and your fucking invalid security token... fucking cunt...
yeah i love extracting my notes from POST data via the browser dev console cause you fucking delete it when hitting the back button...
THANKS FOR NOTHING

Reinstalled Windows 10. Won't detect my Android tethering. Went to another PC to download wireless drivers. Freezes up and crashes. Restarted. "Your PC ran into a problem." Restart? "Do you want your PC to be discoverable?" Yes. Opens Edge to download Chrome. Edge takes two years. Better then Chrome or Firefox of course. Crashes. OK, fuck this I'm going back to Manjaro.

So I get to work this morning and find one of my monitors has been moved and my HDMI cable and Display Port adapter are missing...

I've since found the cable, it had made its way onto another desk. When I asked if anyone had seen anything one of the guys said he found an HDMI that's not his on his desk. Still no sign of my adapter though...

So for now I'm back to one monitor like some kind of peasant

I'm working on a bug I can't figure out. I go out for a smoke to clear my mind. Some time passes, I get an idea, finish smoking and I wanna go back up to my desk ASAP.

I have to go up to floor 14. Building has a basic elevator with 2 buttons:
UP arrow - "I wanna go up"
DOWN arrow - "I wanna go down"

User-friendly, intuitive, idiot-proof, you might think. NOPE.

Elevator stops at floor 1 because moron who wants to go down pressed all 2 of the over-intuitive buttons.
Floor 1 moron: "Going up?"
Other people: "Yes"
Floor 1 moron: "Oh"
Me (in my mind): "Oh? BITCH, there's an idicator telling you where it's going. Don't fucking press UP if you're not going up."
Moving on.

Elevator stops at floor 3.
Frustration sets in.
Floor 3 brainlet steps in, doors close.
Floor 3 brainlet takes eyes off phone screen and realises we're going up.
Floor 3 brainlet makes an "oops" kinda noise because "it" obviously wanted to go down.
Floor 3 brainlet stops elevator at floor 5 because "it" doesn't want to go all the way up to floor 14.
Rage sets in.
Me (in my mind): "I hope I get lung cancer so I don't have to deal with this shit anymore"
Moving on.

No more incidents, I calm down. I get to my desk and begin brainstorming about elevator coding. My preferred idea so far:

Elevator is called at floor X but nobody steps in? Elevator doesn't stop at that floor for 2 hours. elevators.size() strikes and the entire floor uses stairs, BITCH.

I spend 1 hour reading rants and writing this. Now I have to get back to my bug. I would appreciate other punishment ideas for elevator misuse.

ACPI YOU FUCKING CUNT

STOP IMPOSING SUCH SHITTY STANDARDS THAT REQUIRE AN OPERATING SYSTEM TO SCAN THE RAM FOR SOMETHING AND TO INTERPRET BYTECODE BY ITSELF!

JUST BECAUSE YOU WERE MADE TO UNIFY THINGS DOESNT MEAN THAT YOU SHOULDNT BE REDESIGNED FROM SCRATCH YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING BALLS BUSTING SHITTY STANDARD ^1

ALSO, PLEASE FFS DOCUMENT YOUR SHIT-KNÖDEL WELL, PLEASE. WOULD MAKE IT AT LEAST BEAREABLE

^1 I realized I didnt use enough swear words

Gmail filtering sucks but i just realized something.... i have an app for this... i just need to copy an existing project and change the code!

Who the fuck thought it would be a great idea to open links in an in-app web browser. Like how fucking stupid.

Trying to get support from a company on twitter. They send me their live chat link, I click it. It opens in app.
I spend 20 fucking minutes speaking to support, for me to accidently hit the back arrow at the bottom of my fucking screen. Now what, that live chat is gone. And there's no fucking way to get back to it, ever.

On top of that, what if I need something from twitter, how the fuck do I go back?

JUST FUCKING OPEN IT EXTERNALLY LIKE EVERYTHING FUCKING ELSE DOES, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST MAN.

Who ever the fuck designed this system needs a fucking slap.

I'm honestly so fucking done, I hate mobile and the apps. It's all so fucking annoying. Fuck you.