Client: there's too much source code. Can you reduce it please.

Me: certainly. Alakazam!

When my manager asks me if I can fix all the bugs on the board by the weekend: 'look, I have a covenant with God: I don't do miracles, He doesn't code.'

Let's be honest, we all think our code is better than the other person's

“ Java is to JavaScript what Car is to Carpet. ” - Chris Heilmann

Kids Nowadays

public void NoRant()
{
I have a small hobby.. T-Shirts.. I make them for myself sometimes, when I'm bored.. so.. I thought to myself.. If I don't get a T-shirt from devRant.. I'll make one myself))) I found myself making several designs.. Here's one example:
}

"Do not disturb"

Boss and project manager calls me into a launch meeting for a new project. A stock management system for a small furniture company that will work over 11 stores, 4 warehouses and multiple suppliers which will also work as an ordering system. We went over the spec(112 pages) and I told him that it will be an on going project over a year with an initial dev time of 4-6 months. He just said that he's sold it to them to be delivered for testing in 2 weeks and completed in 4 weeks(they signed the contract) and that I'd best get started. I just closed my laptop and walked out.

Trying to get to the weekend like:

If I use the restroom for 10 minutes then make myself some coffe for 5 minutes then

Only 7 hrs and 45 minutes till I can leave! Sweet!

When a recruiter calls you and asks what your experience level is with "C-hash"

"We use production DB in testing, so be careful with it"

familiar?

The first thing I do when I go to the office is to make my bed.
-just freelancer stuff