Client: Build me this subscription based software

Also client: *doesn't fundamentally understand how subscriptions work*

The difference between me and you is that I won’t forgive her even if she chopped off her finger and brought it to me. Have you ever cried without sobbing? I just laid there, every muscle of my face stiffened, breathing through my mouth because my nose called it quits, tears pouring down, being absorbed by my pillow. Dear daughter, her avatar said, we love you the you are, and we accept you. I feel sorry for every time that I have wronged and victimized you. Even calling me daughter and not son, I mean how hard it could’ve been?

The issue was, she didn’t remember any details, while I remembered everything. I do relive all of that several times a day, month after month, year after year.

I went for a walk, and for the first time, I liked how my shadow looked. I’m getting slimmer. Yet, I don’t feel better inside.

The good thing is that it won’t matter.

chess is the only thing saving me from becoming a becky from the trailer park

To all female devRanters out there, have a happy Women's Day.

Sincerely, from UTC+01:00.

These Wounds, They Will Not Heal.

— There is a bug in prod!
— Omg, why aren't you fixing it yet?
— No, I'm just raising awareness!

Day 30 of starving myself to death challenge. Fasting today. Fuck everyone and everything.

Behold, dev-related two sentence horror.

“I died, and all I can see and feel is this terminal.”
“'ls' is not recognized as an internal or external command, operable program or batch file."

I want to open a private rehab where I would delete your social media accounts, take your phone/laptop/internet access away, get you treated by a psychiatrist, make you take your pills on time every time, make you work, then spend your free time on quality things like reading books or making art, or exercising, or just sleeping, and when you disobey and say this and that — I'll beat you with a fucking whip. Oh, and you'll have a normal balanced diet with no junk food, sugar or sweeteners.
I swear to god that 90% of people's problems are solved by therapy followed by cattle prodding.

Any fool can write code that a computer can understand. Good programmers write code that humans can understand

i done got caught some virus. I'm sick

what if you never die

what if you're constantly, with every conscious decision, on a choose your own adventure ride

what would you choose 👀

It's hard to at all times view yourself from both your own eyes and the eyes of those who oppress you, trying to measure yourself by their tape as they spit in your face.
English is not my language, and the West is not my civilization. Even if I finally get to live in Europe, I will never belong there because of my roots. The place where those roots grow from first imbued me with the sense of being subhuman to the western guys, and then exiled me altogether because of who I am.
I never felt home anywhere. I wasn't home at home because of my so-called parents, now I'm not home because I live in a limbo where I did leave Russia but didn't reach my destination yet, and I know full well I'm not going to feel home when I'm in Europe. If I ever get there that is.

I don’t fucking deserve to live. I’m but a lump of emotional scars. My brain instantly forgets the good, but relives the bad every single day, every hour, all traumas in parallel. I remember every moment and every detail of every traumatic event that happened to me.

Kiki’s body is a prison where Kiki’s uncontrollable brain tortures Kiki.
My body keeps twitching. PTSD flashbacks are unbearable.

I don’t see any reason for this abomination to exist. There is nothing to salvage.

I did everything in my power to regain control and stop the suffering: fitness routine, seven years of treatment with all kinds of psychiatrists, pills, sleeping routine, true love, cutting ties with toxic people… it didn’t help

Nothing ever helped me. I never stood a chance.

people fight over credit for progress instead of doing the progress

Be stubborn. Never give users what they want. Ship some shiny feature that attracts new users, then immediately move on to the next shiny feature. Never address criticism.

Users don't know what they want. If you managed to attract them all with your skill set, you know better than all of them.

Day 14 of starving myself to death challenge. For the first time, I feel worse.

How the fuck is that a thing.

I understand when you're application requires a lock file. But put it in temp. I get it, you want it user specific. You can put it still in temp. Just add the user to the lockfile's name.

Don't put it in the config. Yea, had to reboot without letting my applications close properly. After a reboot, a lockfile should be automatically removed.

Here's an idea, if you're really that terrified of leaking the information, that the application is in use, to other users of the computer, which could probably just look at the processes to figure that one out, check the lock file's last modified timestamp and compare it with the uptime.

Because, it is just annoying when I reboot the computer and I cannot start the application because the fucking lockfile is still there.

Looking at you, datagrip. I really need to find a good open source alternative for my databases.

Never trust code that describes itself as "rigorously tested".

At my new job I'm allowed to goof around more while at the same time less. Im no longer limited to tech and can just choose the best tool for the job and fuck around trying out new interesting stuff that might work. But at the same time IF I FUCK UP, you will definetly read about it in the news!

Turns out we have a Grinch. Someone just stole all my decorations in the communal staircase.

This really fucked my mood

z-index you set minus z-index that was necessary is the number of whips you should receive. Whips with barbed wire that is.

tldr: I no longer like my job.

Several years ago I got hired at this company. It was great. Lots of things to learn. Able to make a big impact. The manager is great. Lots of flexibility. Raises were decent for the most part.

6+ years later. I have nothing to learn. I feel my career is stagnating. I'm quite good at my job but things are boring and there's no challenge. In the end my company has proved to me I do not make enough to justify my skills. I keep being told things are going to change and there will be new opportunities to change roles and learn/grow, but Ive heard that for years and trusted my leadership. They didn't lie to me but there are so many things out of their control that things just never happen.

My manager has become a good friend and I hate to think about leaving but finally just have to accept that all I'm doing is hurting myself and my career.

Where y'all working at today?

Just made this for my new project

Okay so I had an acute derealization episode yesterday, hence yesterday’s post. Ignore what I said.
It was caused by the lack of sleep, the first such case since 2018.
Symptoms included super wide FOV — my arms were three miles long, I saw what seemed like almost my whole surroundings all at once. I couldn’t confirm the reality of that superhuman vision with an experiment because it was hard to grasp reality during derealization. I’m almost certain that it was just my brain extending my vision from memory, but I had no idea it could even do that given how detailed it was.
Also, vertigo was crazy.
I don’t own a funded Interactive Brokers account.
I don’t do drugs, alcohol, nicotine or caffeine. I never ever did drugs or alcohol. I’m about one year nicotine free and about three months caffeine free.
I’m bipolar and autistic. My prescription medications include neuroleptics that slow me down, not speed me up — the standard medication scheme prescribed to millions of patients all over the world.

missing rust's infinite loops in other languages now

also now I don't like variable++ and it throws me off

also missing iterators. because you can consume part of them and don't have to keep track that some of a list has already been "used up" so to speak. now I have index counters and laaame (granted not having to wrestle with borrowing rules... actually just strangely feels weird)

also why must languages have different naming conventions. this is a disaster now because my reflexes for what I name variables is all over the place. now I find snake_case more readable than camelCase because the letters are the same height so you can skim for names easier, and by how many words which correlates to how specific a variable is to the logical loops at hand

I guess end of the day we just develop a handwriting style in code our brains like and the idea of having to change your accent every time you switch a locale sounds annoying

Unpopular opinion: given your server has enough entropy, UUID v4 is a good session token.
It allocates 122 bits for the randomly generated part. OWASP recommends session tokens to contain at least 64 bits of entropy while being at least 16 hexadecimal characters long.

End of the year. Management announced that the project that our team has been working in for more than 4 years, will be killed.
Shit.

Autocatalysis happens when the product of a chemical reaction accelerates said reaction.
The greatest catalyst is… consciousness.
A human body is but a very complex chemical reaction that goes on for roughly a century. Among other things, it produces consciousness that makes us look for food that keeps the reaction going. Consciousness is just a catalyst that turned out to be more efficient than other catalysts.