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My soul cringes a bit every time some smart ass decides to put "Smart" before the product name.
As though nothing means smart as much as digging your own hole.
More broadly, the whole whole world is buying into this "smart" mantra. As if anything and everything that existed before was not smart. Basically "I'm the best" attitude. Don't forget that you can see far only because you're standing on the shoulders of giants.
Case in point:
1. Smart phone which is smart enough to start causing trouble after a couple of years.
2. Smart watch
3. Smart car
4. Smart planes
5. Smart home
Fucking non sense10
"You are best suited to fix this" is such a big cop-out in the history of cop-outs.
Grow a pair first.1
Promise customer something non-existent
Complain big time that engineering is not co-operating in getting the order out in time. (without which you won't get your end of year sales performance bonus)
Comment about the product being sub standard. Rant about how engineering "great" products must be the philosophy. Blah blah blah...
Offer to provide your fucking support to make the product better despite not being responsible for it.Be the greater person.
Deliver the product. Pocket your bonus. Make jokes about how bad the product is and how you won't sell it again to protect the company brand reputation.
Rinse and repeat.
Him: Coding is completed. Just have to compile it.
You dumb fuck, go fuck yourself. Don't redefine meaning of complete. Get yourself a dictionary.1
Friend who also works in tech industry, forwards me a video which explains how Google tracks is users via smartphones. Further calls me and explains it passionately. I'm like ..... wtf. Living under a rock or what🙄1
Salesman: .... Beauty is that, It's all in the cloud
What he meant: ... Nothing works, will make up stuff on the go
The whole API service relies on a token obtained by posting to a http URL: http:// blah/get_token?User=malleable?Password=longandcomplicatedpasswordforsecurity
Outlook warms me when opening excel attachments that it might contain viruses (PROTECTED VIEW).Ooooh fancy....
Only problem is that it's in Sent Items and if it had a virus I'm already f...ed2
Working on a project with third party web developers who don't know multiple language support, difference between UTF-8 and Unicode.
Other than that, life's good4
The guy (#ass) takes more than a year (not an exaggeration) to come up with a market name for the product and now wants it reflected everywhere on the website yesterday.
Considering he's still employed, makes me wonder my career choices.
PSD - Predictive software development:
Software development process where one predicts the behavior of the shit code in the library and writes code to handle it accordingly so that the aforementioned shot code doesn't barf and take down the entire system with it2
For the benefit of people who are arseholes:
If you say that you need it by today, it means I have up to 1 pico second until the COB a.k.a only follow up tomorrow.
If you need it today, then say it so.
Also, if you're the person who is irregular with your email replies and communication, then replace today/now in your request with 1 week.
Sales guy calls up from overseas and complains website we got developed from another vendor is not working.
Being just the middle man who project managed the website development with the offshore vendor, I had no clue what was wrong as the site was working fine and "worksforme" was not going to be acceptable answer for the costumer demo.
Being an embedded drivers guy, had no idea to debug this, except one:
Me: Which browser are you using?
Me: try any browser other than I.E
Him: it works. Thanks
Software development lifecycle:
Step 1: Take shortcuts to get the project done in time.
Step 2: Wait for shit to hit the you know what
Step 3: Goto Step 14
Apart from waste of time, meetings are also an acknowledgement of preferring collective stupidity over individual stupidity.
Over the past five years in the company I work, I've seen profits drop and headcounts drop. I must say there's no particular reason for it other than globalisation. Yet I see that the number of high-end European imports in parking lot has jumped by 10-12 at least.
I guess globalisation doesn't affect ever body equally!
Capitalism is a wonderful con-cept indeed.2
Doesn't want to use VCS and wants to deliver a project to client.
Note to self: Don't help friends in their misadventures
Today, I discovered a new software development methodology being used by co-workers. No, no, it's neither agile nor pair programming. It's called disruptive programming:
A methodology where it's ok to make sure your part of coffee works. Fuck the rest and let them go figure.
12 years in the industry. For significant part of that time, I've juggled leadership roles, project management, customer facing role, testing, hardware debugging, marketing .......
Oh, I also code.
My designation is still a software engineer.2
People behave so precious and try best to avoid working on other's code.
I'm naive to think that being "developer" entails reading and understanding other's code(a.k.a shit)4
On a website, which is evolving, QA guy wants specification for website testing. Da, click anything you find, see if some thing changes. There is no specification which can compensate for incompetence. Aaaaaaaaaaaargh........1