So, eventually they understood a lot of SO users are assholes. 😁

Google is full of assholes!

Just paid $25 dollars to list my app on google play store. Within 15 minutes of submitting the app, it got de-listed.

Reason:
Impersonation

Who am I impersonating?
The logo is impersonating the logo shown on MY OWN website!!!

How dafuq can you impersonate your own intellectual property?????

Contacted them back using their form. Didn't even call them "cunts". Asked to have it reviewed.
After waiting 7 business days, started sending them 1 email a day. On day 11 I sent 100 identical email asking them to review it.
Today (day 12), they cleared the app. I got this reply back.

"We found that your app was not in violation of our policies"
-Google

Things I've learned throughout my 5 - 6 years as a programmer.
- StackOverflow is full of assholes.
- CMS's are for weaklings.
- The best feeling about waking up in the morning is figuring out how to solve that error in your code.
- You no longer think about normal people things. Your mind is full of code.
- You're practically a computer.
- ALWAYS backup and save your stuff or you WILL regret it. Enable autosave if possible.
- RIP your social life (if your friends don't know squat about programming)
- Darkness is better.
- Being a programmer is amazing.

Oh.. So the deadline is tomorrow? How about we schedule a fucking FOUR HOUR meeting to speed things up?

Yeah, fuck you too...

Dear assholes of the internet. Next time you publish an article/tutorial/story etc, PUT THE FUCKING PUBLICATION DATE AT THE TOP.

I don’t care about your need to be minimalist, FUCK YOU, INCLUDE THE DATE.

Yes Linus Torvalds is an asshole and the world is better because of it.

In short Linus's acid takes on code quality over developer fee fee's might be one of the things that has made the Linux kernel and the GNU/Linux project such a long lasting open source success and in my opinion the risk of him falling for all this "let's be nice and non offensive" bs trend may impact negatively on code quality.

Being an asshole has it's downsides and it's not always the best response, I'll give you that, but personally I think most of us who are viewed as assholes are seen like that because we put quality over convenience, facts before feelings and dedication over mediocrity; it is not because we hate you, it's because we measure ourselves with the same stick.

It depends on one's character, but when you've been toughened up because of bullying(I don't doubt many devs have been since being a nerd has never been hip) or life in general, you learn to stop whining & pick yourself up and you expect everyone to be competitive and competent as you are and it gets frustrating to manage people who don't fulfill your expectations.

Pros: You get shit done and you do it well.
Cons: People won't like you and you don't tolerate failure (much less mediocrity).

Yes Linus is an asshole, my coach was an asshole, some of my best teacher's have been assholes, I had friends who were assholes, heck I'm an asshole!

But I thank them because they made me better than I was, just as people have thanked me for being the right amount of asshole.

A warm thank you and fuck you Linus, keep being the asshole we need.

Fixed this assholes phone for her... she proceeds to take the phone and say “thanks for fixing it, it was kind of you to do it for free!”

Uhm, ex-fucking-cuse me?! I run a business, not a god damned charity.

She got me my fucking money.

Me: Wanna see this website I built this weekend?

Friend: Yeah, sure.

Me: I connected a bunch of APIs so you can snap a photo of yourself and get a recommended song based on your facial expression. Pretty cool, right?

Friend: *thinking* ... I think you should change the size of that button, and the colors are pretty bad, dude.

Every time I show my non-tech friends anything I get this kind of feedback :/

Things have been a little too quiet on my side here, so its time for an exciting new series:

practiseSafeHex's new life as a manager.

Episode 1: Dealing with the new backend team

It's great to be back folks. Since our last series where we delved into the mind numbing idiocy of former colleagues, a lot has changed. I've moved to a new company and taken a step up as a Dev manager / Tech lead. Now I know what you are all thinking, sounds more dull and boring right? Well it wouldn't be a practiseSafeHex series if we weren't ...

<audience-shouting>
DEALING! ... WITH! ... IDIOTS!
</audience-shouting>

Bingo! so lets jump right in and kick us off with a good one.

So for the past few months i've been on an on-boarding / fact finding / figuring out this shit-storm, mission to understand more about what it is i'm suppose to do and how to do it. Last week, as part of this, I had the esteemed pleasure of meeting face to face with the remote backend team i've been working with. Lets rattle off a few facts to catch us all up:

- 8 hour time difference to me
- No documentation other than a non-maintained swagger doc
- Swagger is reporting errors and several of the input models are just `Type: String`
- The one model that seems accurate, has every property listed as optional, including what must be the primary key
- Properties go missing and get removed at the drop of a hat and we are never told.
- First email I sent them took 27 days to reply, my response to that hasn't been answered so far 31 days later (new record! way to go team, I knew we could do it!!!)
- I deal directly with 2 of them, the manager and the tech lead. Based on how things have gone so far, i've nick named them:
1) Ass
2) Hole

So lets look at some example of their work:

- I was trying to test the new backend, I saw no data in QA. They said it wouldn't show up until mid day their time, which is middle of the night for us. I said we need data in our timezone and I was told: a) "You don't understand how big this system is" (which is their new catch phrase) b) "Your timezone is not my concern"

- The whole org started testing 2 days later. The next day a member from each team was on a call and I was asked to give an update of how the testing was going on the mobile side. I said I was completely blocked because I can't get test data. Backend were asked to respond. They acknowledged they were aware, but that mobile don't understand how big the system is, and that the mobile team need to come up with ideas for the backend team, as to how mobile can test it. I said we can't do anything without test data, they said ... can you guess what? ... correct "you don't understand how big the system is"

- We eventually got something going and I noticed that only 1 of the 5 API changes due on their side was done. Opened tickets. 2 days later asked them for progress and was told that "new findings" always go to the bottom of the backlog, and they are busy with other things. I said these were suppose to be done days ago. They said you can't give us 2 days notice and expect everything done. I said the original ticket was opened a month a go *sends link* ......... *long silence* ...... "ok, but you don't understand how big the system is, this is a lot of work"

- We were on a call. Product was asking the backend manager (aka "Ass") a question about a slight upgrade to the new feature. While trying to talk, the tech lead (aka "Hole") kept cutting everyone off by saying loudly "but thats not in scope". The question was "is this possible in the future" and "how long would it take", coming from management and product development. Hole just kept saying "its not in scope", until he was told to be quiet by several people.

- An API was sending down JSON with a string containing a message for the user with 2 bits of data inside it. We asked for one of those pieces to also come down as a property as the string can change and we needed it client side. We got that. A few days later we found an edge case and asked for the second piece of data to be a property too. Now keep in mind, they clearly already have access to them in order to make the string. We were told "If you keep requesting changes like this, you are going to delay the release of the backend by up to 2 weeks"

Yes folks, there you have it, the most minuscule JSON modifications, can delay your release by up to 2 weeks ........ maybe I should just tell product, that they don't understand how big the app is, and claim we can't build it on our side? Seems to work for them

Thats all the time we have for today,

Tune in for more, where we'll be looking into such topics as:

- If god himself was an iOS developer ... not
- Why automate when you can spend all day doing it by hand
- Its more time-efficient to just give everything a story point of 5
- Why waste time replying to emails ... when you can do nothing instead

See you all next week,
practiseSafeHex

Our company got attacked last month by what i believe was a code time bomb from a ex employee. And it was brutal, website hacked, email server not responding, locked out from database servers. The IT department asked for my help and I was more than happy to do it. Long story short I got every thing back working smoothly. The IT guys ask for a favor to not include this in my monthly progress report. Fine by me. But then they went out and tokd the top management that they are teaching me about the networks and servers so thats why I was working with them last month. Fucking assholes. Not going to help them any more.

A lot of the people are complaining about working in inhumane conditions. I want to debunk some bullshit that I think is causing this.

Devs are hard to find. That makes you valuable. A good dev that actually works for 30-40 hours per week is extremely hard to find.
The relationship with your employer / client should be simple: you work, they pay. What you do NOT:
1. Do not take responsibility for other people's decisions
2. Do not internalize other people's problems (you've got your own, better stick to them)
3. Do not let ANYONE guilt trip you into anything that you're not indeed guilty of.
4. Do NOT work for an effective rate that's significantly lower than you know you can get elsewhere.

There are indeed some utterly evil assholes out there that will try to manipulate you, into thinking that you're "part of the project", or that "you're all a team". Yeah, you are, but when it comes to making money, you'll only get the salary, regardless of how successful your work will be. THEY have a motivation to stay up late, to work extra hours, etc. You DO NOT. If you do that, and don't get paid extra, you're working for free, which means that you're not a professional.

Are you a professional? Then have respect for yourself, and bill for every fucking second of your time. Don't let the assholes think they own you.

As a professional, you MUST do EXACTLY what you're paid to do. No more, no less. Well, if you're feeling good about it, then you can do slightly more. And anyone that's demanding more, basically has no respect for you, and doesn't consider you a professional. That is the plain truth. See it as it is, and handle those scumbags accordingly.

I thought assholes were over in this world until i saw this shit

I really appreciate devs that aren't complete assholes when you admit ignorance and embrace failure. Be a teacher, not an asshole!

Happens way too often

So a fucking friend of mine makes me meet this fella who is a big shot according to his LinkedIn and please note has too much experience with Web Apps and Python

Me being naive actually trusted that and I meet him.

Fella: So what do you do?
Me: I am into Cyber Security nothing much I just do bug hunting for now
Fella: You know python will help you right?
Me: Sorry?
Fella: You see you have to be a python programmer for anything you want to do in CS
Me: Me yeah I kinda know python actually I am more into Ruby from start so ( Around this time I kinda sensed that he is a fake tech guy he is a corporate asshole)
Fella: show me any of your work
Me: (So to show him one of the thing I was working on I open GitHub desktop app) Me explaining blah blah blah
*Fella is in shock*
So at this point I was thinking probably he is impressed and that's why the shock right?

No a big fucking no
Apparently he never heard about GitHub or git and got blown away by the interface.

And the friend who made me meet that guy is not my fucking friend anymore that prick can die for ruining my day

Welcome back to practiseSafeHex's new life as a manager.

Episode 2: Why automate when you can spend all day doing it by hand

This is a particularly special episode for me, as these problems are taking up so much of my time with non-sensical bullshit, that i'm delayed with everything else. Some badly require tooling or new products. Some are just unnecessary processes or annoyances that should not need to be handled by another human. So lets jump right in, in no particular order:

- Jira ... nuff said? not quite because somehow some blue moon, planets aligning, act of god style set of circumstances lined up to allow this team to somehow make Jira worse. On one hand we have a gigantic Jira project containing 7 separate sub teams, a million different labels / epics and 4.2 million possible assignees, all making sure the loading page takes as long as possible to open. But the new country we've added support for in the app gets a separate project. So we have product, backend, mobile, design, management etc on one, and mobile-country2 on another. This delightfully means a lot of duplication and copy pasting from one to the other, for literally no reason what so ever.

- Everything on Jira is found through a label. Every time something happens, a new one is created. So I need to check for "iOS", "Android", "iOS-country2", "Android-country2", "mobile-<feature>", "mobile-<feature>-issues", "mobile-<feature>-prod-issues", "mobile-<feature>-existing-issues" and "<project>-July31" ... why July31? Because some fucking moron decided to do a round of testing, and tag all the issues with the current date (despite the fact Jira does that anyway), which somehow still gets used from time to time because nobody pays attention to what they are doing. This means creating and modifying filters on a daily basis ... after spending time trying to figure out what its not in the first one.

- One of my favourite morning rituals I like to call "Jira dumpster diving". This involves me removing all the filters and reading all the tickets. Why would I do such a thing? oh remember the 9000 labels I mentioned earlier? right well its very likely that they actually won't use any of them ... or the wrong ones ... or assign to the wrong person, so I have to go find them and fix them. If I don't, i'll get yelled at, because clearly it's my fault.

- Moving on from Jira. As some of you might have seen in your companies, if you use things like TestFlight, HockeyApp, AppCenter, BuddyBuild etc. that when you release a new app version for testing, each version comes with an automated change-log, listing ticket numbers addressed ...... yeah we don't do that. No we use this shitty service, which is effectively an FTP server and a webpage, that only allows you to host the new versions. Sending out those emails is all manual ... distribution groups?? ... whats that?

- Moving back to Jira. Can't even automate the changelog with a script, because I can't even make sense of the tickets, in order to translate that to a script.

- Moving on from Jira. Me and one of the remote testers play this great game I like to call "tag team ticketing". It's so much fun. Right heres how to play, you'll need a QA and a PM.

*QA creates a ticket, and puts nothing of any use inside it, and assigns to the PM.
*PM fires it back asking for clarification.
*QA adds in what he feels is clarification (hes wrong) and assigns it back to the PM.
*PM sends detailed instructions, with examples as to what is needed and assigns it back.
*QA adds 1 of the 3 things required and assigns it back.
*PM assigns it back saying the one thing added is from the wrong day, and reminds him about the other 2 items.
*QA adds some random piece of unrelated info to the ticket instead, forgetting about the 3 things and assigns it back.

and you just continue doing this for the whole dev / release cycle hahaha. Oh you guys have no idea how much fun it is, seriously give it a go, you'll thank me later ... or kill yourselves, each to their own.

- Moving back to Jira. I decided to take an action of creating a new project for my team (the mobile team) and set it up the way we want and just ignore everything going on around us. Use proper automation, and a kanban board. Maybe only give product a slack bot interface that won't allow them to create a ticket without what we need etc. Spent 25 minutes looking for the "create new project" button before finding the link which says I need to open a ticket with support and wait ... 5 ... fucking ... long ... painful ... unnecessary ... business days.

... Heres hoping my head continues to not have a bullet hole in it by then.

Id love to talk more, but those filters ain't gonna fix themselves. So we'll have to leave it here for today. Tune in again for another episode soon.

And remember to always practiseSafeHex

A tool I built for my past company just got nominated for a European Data Science and AI award!!!

I'm over the moon that something I built is up for such an award. Be early next month before winners are announced. Oh and given I don't work there anymore, how I was told about it is a REALLY funny story .... I wasn't.

Saw a Linkedin post from my ex-manager congratulating the company and the org for great work done. He/They just forgot to mention the fact that me and another ex-employee did everything, left it practically finished and completely changed the direction of the project within the first month as their plans made no sense.

fuckers.

I don't even know where to start with this rant!
I haven't paid rent for 3 months now.I haven't paid the WiFi and electricity bills too.Hell, I haven't even paid the fucking college fees and it's almost mid-semester.I have like 100+ other bills I haven't paid.I have exhausted loans from all of my banks and I am at the fucking end now!!!!

What's worse is that some motherfuckers owe me close to 4 million in local currency!!!The project was finished in April and until now they can't fucking pay me because their "CEO has not signed the cheque". Motherfuckers, we were all in the same room when we agreed on the pricing.That half-assed CEO was also there!
What the fuck is wrong with people?WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?????
How many fucking times do I have to come to your stinking shit office to follow up on payments.How many fucking times????How many fucking times do I have to see new V8s parked outside your office yet you claim you still collecting the funds.How many fucking times?!!?
Please fucking pay me!.I fucking need that money stupid.I don't survive on eating flies! FTW!

Ranting about a meme lol

This type of shit is what I fucking hate most iPhone users.

Samsung was founded in 1938... Apple was founded in 1976.

Most iPhone users are a walking L these days with their ignorance and false sense of superiority. Fucking assholes

Certified enganeers!
Spaghetti masters!!
Those who dev in prod!!!
Push to master!!!
The "it's a feature" assholes!
The Madman Muntz misers!

The computer science and engineering fields are filled to the brim with fakers, phony's and Python Lords. I try to fight them every time but they outnumber me. Apparently money is more attractive than expressing your own passion.

Remote manager: Hey, that contractor you are working with that sits with me. We are thinking of sending him over to you guys, get him a visa, pay relocation and all that stuff and have him sit with you guys as a full time employee. What do you think?

Me: .... eh ... look I have to be honest, that guy is awful. He doesn't listen to me, constantly working on other things, and the architecture he forced onto the rest of the team is some of the worst i've ever seen.

RM: hhhmmmm, ok but what if we have him report to you, can you whip him into shape?

Me: Honestly I think theres too much effort involved. We are very short staffed. I'd prefer to hire someone else here who has more experience. Its a firm no from us on this guy.

RM: Ok, understood, thanks.

*2 weeks later*

Contractor: Hey guys, was chatting to my manager last week and he said the company is finally looking to convert me to a full time employee, and best of all he wants to move me over to sit with you guys. Isn't that great?

..... not really no

There are two types of people in this world: those that comment their code, and FUCKING ASSHOLES

Web Developer Profanity:

Dreamweaver = Motherfucker
GoDaddy = Son of a Bitch
Wix = Go Fuck Yourselves
SquareSpace = Hipster Assholes
Web.com = Piles of dogshit
ASP = Pain in the Ass.

People on Stack Overflow are SUCH FUCKING ASSHOLES

"You didn't show us where you declared this unimportant array, please review this article for how to ask questions"

My question doesn't concern the array, my question concerns how the system works, all code I provided was only for clarity. Read my fucking question you arrogant asshole. You have lots of points, fine, go tell your mother, but you assume I don't know how to ask a question which you clearly did not read.

When top level guys look down they see only shit... 💩
When bottom level guys look up they see only assholes.. 👍

Java to Javascript is what Car is to Carpet.

GET THAT ASSHOLES, YOU FUCKERS

Whoever is responsible for the responsible for the refund process on airbnb can eat a bunch of dicks, watch me spill all of the fluids over his keyboard and then watch me break every single one of his/her fingers.
How the fuck do you dare to keep all of my money in some kind of internal wallet while I clearly need it to get a hotel after your starrated host left me hanging, autoaccepting but then telling me via phone that he using vacation till Friday... Half a goddamned fucking hour after I tried to call him. I want to report the shit out of this asshole, but no I can't because I cancelled my stay.
For the love of God and his creation is it this hard to punish assholes for ruining my new year and making me freeze my hand and ears of?

FUCK GOOGLE.

FUCK THE GOOGLE PLAY REVIEW TEAM.

FUCK THEIR BOT GENERATED EMAILS.

FUCK THEIR DEVELOPER SUPPORT.

I am trying to launch a fucking action game. There will be fucking guns and muzzle flashes shown in the screenshots. Stop fucking rejecting the app. There is no blood in the icon or screenshots. Stop sending me bot generated emails and tell me what content is being flagged.

A little information on the whole scenario: My game was rejected so immediately I contacted the support as to what was the issue. The guy told me 2 screenshots were flagged because they had the muzzle flashes and damage indicator (call of duty type which tells the direction from where the bullets are coming from). So I removed the screenshots and still the game was rejected. FUCK THESE ASSHOLES. SAME GOES FOR APPLE.

"You claim you are a developer and don't know what firebase is? Pfft"

Words uttered by one of my classmates flexing on some 4th semester college inmates. I don't know what's more annoying his squeaky voice, the pretentiousness of using headphones as a necklace during class or that I was just like him when I was a freshman (minus the low hanging fruit flexing).

God fucking damn, I'm not even mad at his obnoxious pampered kid semblance, it's the irony of this enlightened fago falling into the god forsaken rat race. Why?

Because he hasn't been magnanimously disappointed by one of the most corrupt systems I've ever been witness of, yeah keep talking about firebase to the teacher who just nods pretending she knows what you are talking about.

I've had this same teacher before and your nice asynchronous ES6 express nosql solution will come last compared to all the WordPress templates she'll approve because they are pretty and all the time you invested, yeah, right into the crapper, seriously it would've been more satisfying to just masturbate everyday until Christmas break. I'm not pissed at him, annoyed by his semblance maybe, but I actually pitty him because the system will take a big shit on his face and he's just smiling.

Damn it, all these careers ruined by lazy ass professors who think leaving a shitload of diagrams as homework counts as teaching. And before any quirky brother interjects with "oh maybe your University is shit", "muh University verry gut u suk", you shut the fuck up! I know my university sucks even tho is "one of the best ones" by the corrupt media's standards, I'm here to vent about issues, real fucking issues happening in real corrupt systems, I'm taking about professors sexually abusing students, not going to classes, no centralized teaching systems, fucking chaos.

I'm happy for you if you feel good about the piece of paper you hang on your wall that certifies you as Bobby the guy who not only learned a shit load about computers, he also bent his ass so far for us and payed us so much money for it, it's funny he thinks himself as smart.

I know, I know, you went to an ivy league college, have a wonderful job and owe some money, good for you, some are not so lucky and I'll make sure those lazy asses who take advantage of the system lose their jobs.

I'm so sick of this shit we call "moodern educashion"

Warning: contains swearwords!

Do you guy's also have coder-"friend" that:
- Always asks how to do things
- ask for code snippets
- steals your fucking code from Anydesk
- steals your passwords while testing
- steals your code from deobfuscated jar
- steals your jar and deobfuscate it
- steals your database to store stolen passphrases
- tries to convince you to build RATs for your users
- tries to convince you to build RATs for his users
- and so on...

??FOR FUCKING REAL THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THAT HAPPENED TO ME!

HE IS A FUCKING SUCKER CUNT! HE PROMISED ME MULTIPLE TIMES THAT HE DELETED MY PROJECTS AND TELLS ME HE IS STILL USING THEM TO RESEARCH MY CODE FOR HIS CODE!!!

HE FUCKING RECORDED ME WHILE CODING WITH AN API I AM NOT USED TO WHILE I ASK HIM FREQUENTLY BECAUSE I HAVE NO CLUE AND HE THEN SENDS IT TO HIS FRIENDS TO PISS ME OF AND LAUGH ABOUT ME!!

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE WHY THE FUCK ARE ASSHOLES LIKE HIM NOT IN FUCKING PSYCHIATRY!

AND I CAN'T GET RID OF HIM BECAUSE I AM TOO FUCKING NICE!!

FOR GODS SAKE PLS LET A LIGHTNING STRIKE HIT HIM IN HIS FUCKING FACE!

AT FUCKING LEAST I GOT SENT AN IMAGE OF HIS ADDRESS SO I WILL SHIT IN A FUCKING BOX AND SEND IT TO THAT CUNT!

If you're a developer that enjoys 200+ line methods with 5+ return points, and literal strings all over the place, please punch yourself, hard.

– we’ll be making money teaching people to code
– okay, so what should I do?
– it’s up to you. Develop the whole course and start making money for us
– ...

Another one, same boss:
– let’s develop paid website/press kit wysiwyg generator, it should be ready today
– it’s not a fucking landing page, it require more time, so let me do some research first
– you’re fired

Boy, was he an asshole. Me and my gf worked there for several months, then we left and boom, a month have passed and his company stopped existing

I am so fucking jealous of all you assholes. Oh look at me, i am a full stack developer and yada yada. I have the time and patience to do whatever app or game i want and show it off.

Fuck, you.

If i get home, i am glad i can stay awake for dinner and play a little game before i go to bed and my next day starts.

I have ideas, i need to do some self study to get all parts of those ideas going, but i fucking can't.

I have no motivation and no energy to spend when i get home, and even the weekends rarely i will feel like proframming jack shit. When or how do you even do it?! It's driving me up the wall and it makes me feel useless.

Stop being better then me in every possible way!

Dear all wonderful ranters,

I apologize profusely in advance if over the next few days I cannot contain my anger at people and rant about non-dev things. I promise I will try my best to not do this, but there are very few places (none) other than here where I feel comfortable enough to express myself freely and not censor my words.

I will be working as a security guard (3rd job) for a car show full of pretentious assholes who have a tendency to think I'm their servant. I have wonderful bosses who have my back, and there are truly amazing people in attendance as well, but if someone tries to run me over again after a long ass day, I might need to vent.

I fully accept any and all down votes, and will likely delete the rant after it's out of my system, unless there's a conversation going in comments (I wouldn't do that to you).

Please bear with me while I try boot to strangle everyone I come across. I'm hoping this year is the year everyone is nice, but history tells me that's naive and won't happen.

All my love,
Your (co)queen who may end up arrested for using her bionic arm to rip their balls off and feed them to their wives

Fucking hate these emails with a broken unsubscribe button. Rot in hell, assholes.

Government Fucking Websites.

Slow as fuck, disorganized, errors from 2004, UI from 2001.

You have to use them at a time when you really don't feel like waiting 30 fucking seconds for each page load.

Or filling out a fucking form that, ok, they made SOME kind of attempt to save your data, but it's overly complex and annoying.

Government websites. Making tasks that should take 5 minutes, 5 hours, since 1998.

Assholes.

All bankers are fuckers, fuckin assholes.

I went to bank today.
Gave my card to swipe and he gave me the machine to enter my pin
I entered it
But then it wasn't the actual PIN
Transaction failed

He retried it, but now he didn't give me the machine to enter the PIN, he asked me (whaaat...)
I denied to reveal my PIN
He asked me again and again I still denied.
At last that asshole cancelled the transaction.
And told me to write the deposit slip
Why should I write the slip when I have the card.
Whats wrong with that guy
Why should I give my PIN to him

These assholes come to work at 10 and leave at 3 and their pride is at the peak. They live on our money and showing superiority on us.

I hate them.

SON OF A BITCH!!

I JUST REALIZED ONE WEBSITE I USED HAS HAD HTTPS DISABLED FOR LIKE THREE MONTHS WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK IVE TYPED A PASSWORD IN THERE AND THERE WAS LITTLE TO NO INDICATION I JUST NOTICED OUT OF THE CORNER OF MY EYE THAT ITS INSECURE JUST THIS EVENING

SIDE BAR TOTALLY UNRELATED WHY THE FUCK DO WEBSITES THINK ITS ACCEPTABLE TO ASK FOR COLOR PHOTOGRAPHS OF YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE WHEN SIGNING UP? WHO THE LIVING HELL WOULD DO THAT?

FUCK THIS WORLD MAN I WANT TO SEND ALL OF THESE ASSHOLES TO GUANTANAMO BAY FOR THE REST OF THEIR MISERABLE FUCKING LIVES

After a long thought I have decided to quit my job and work on my side project😎
Who else is tired of these shitty managers who don't understand anything!!

Fuck recruiters! I told them i want to work in a bigger company and my JS are not the best.

I just drove a freaking hour to a company who wants a diehard JS'er and exists of 4! People.

Assholes!

Was working in small startup with great people on new projects, but for very low salary and shitty conditions.

Changed job to big company with nice salary and great conditions, but people are assholes and have to work on legacy stuff mostly.

Guess you can't have everything.

!rant

So, I lost my job a couple of weeks ago, and on a whim I decided to post an ad on a classifieds website advertising websites done cheap. Next thing I know I'm making money doing something I love as opposed to dealing with assholes at a checkout counter. I know the freelance life has its ups and downs but I'm happy!

So yeah, I got fed up with assholes offering unpaid internships while demanding the work of a paid employee and I went around reporting all of them for violating the law.

Hope it does something. I hate these people taking advantage of vulnerable post secondary students for their crappy, worthless startups.

Cleaning up some code when,

render () {
...
...
{this.renderSomeComponent()}
...
}

me checks renderSomeComponent

renderSomeComponent = (blabla) => {
if (this.shouldRenderComponent()){
doSomething()
}
}

me checks shouldRenderComponent

shouldRenderComponent = () => {
return false;
//unfinished single line of code
}

...
...
...

Git blame, “some guy who already left”, 7 months ago,

How can this shit even got merged to master??

It's not a dev quiting but my brother who worked in parcel delivery at that time.
He was hired on a temporary contract but promissed from the beginning and in every discussion they had, that he'll get a permanent position after 6 moth, if his work is good.

Fast forward 6 months. They had a meeting and told him how satisfied they where with his work so naturally he asked about the permanent contract. Fuckers acted suprise and shit. Claiming to never have said any of it. However as they are happy with him and so "generous", they offerd him another contract for 6 months and told him, they could talk about a permanent one after that period.

He kind of has a temprament, so he got up, fliped them the bird and called them lying assholes and went home. He didn't show for the time left on his contract.

The funny thing about it he worked for the swiss postal service (which is owned by the state) but not directly but through this.company providing temporary workers (which is cheaper for them as they get a shitty salary compared to a full time employee with all the benefits).

Wankers!

Nice thing though, the accounting department still sent him a christmas bonus (he quit somewhere around mai...)

begin_rant()

I like that coding is becoming more and more popular.

I like that more and more people are taking steps to manifest there ideas and potentially change the world.

But for fuck's sake... can't geeks be allowed to be the fat pimply introverts of the olden days?? This used to be a realm for the misfits, and now the same assholes who tormented said misfits are joining in and making the rest feel inadaquit all over again. You can't just be a coder anymore, now you have to be a good looking and health crazed professional with great personal skills and then somehow be able to also be a master of your craft.

I don't want to hear about how you write code in between your 100 pushups and avocado toast and having a few cold ones with the boys after your <insert sport here> game. I want to hear about how you ate pizza with one hand and crushed your build with the other in between sips of shitty soft drinks and fistfuls of candy while pulling an all nighter for the nth time cuz daylight is for pussies.

Too much pressure these days as it is, and this isn't helping.

break

Client: hey ***, happy birthday can you help me fixing....
Me thinking: hell no, i deal with yall fuckers 364 days a fucking year and yall can't leave me the hell alone for one cocksucking day. I need this one damn day a year not dealing with yall assholes where i don't snap and drive 300 fucking miles to not drive a nail in a broomstick and drive it up your fucking asdls

Fuck these crusty equifax cocksuckers. This equifax hack makes me livid. Here's why: the entire purpose of the company is to collect absurd amounts of information about everyone in a country through methods that the subjects of the information gathering have no means to control, and there is no immediate penalty for them being irresponsible with it. If they lose all that data, they can only lose damages in class action, and I guarantee you they will learn nothing from it.

THIS IS A WAKE UP CALL TO ALL ASSHOLES WHO THINK PRIVACY AND SECURITY IS NO BIG DEAL. THIS ISNT THE FIRST TIME, AND YET ITS STILL ONLY THE BEGINNING. HACKS LIKE THIS ARE SERIOUS ENOUGH TO RUIN PEOPLES LIVES

I say it over and over again, but nobody listens: half of the reason I don't trust these people is because they don't have a great reason to have that information and I know their IT is total shit and WILL be compromised because they probably figured Windows 2000 works why upgrade. You know I'm right. Their company has fax in the name

There's no need to explain to me why we need to have this in order for the banking and loan industry to work, im not stupid, but for fucks sake, put people's data under the care of their own hands. Have a multi key lock system so the user can control their data, and it's not just totally at your mercy. The fact that it is totally at their mercy is what makes it wildly evil.

If you own a company that is founded on the basis of personally fucking people and taking away their control and you're propped up by government regulations that limit the freedom of the market thereby securing you the freedom to never change despite your flaws, this is for you: im going to personally fuck each and every one of them through every hole in their body with an unlubricated baseball bat and force them to eat every pair of their crusty underpants and then hang them upside down and video tape them starving.

Seriously, it's not hard to design a system that still fills the need without making people surrender their god given rights. Let's just put all of these assholes in jail in Guantanamo bay for the rest of their lives. It's about fucking time.

I hate equifax, i hate credit reporting, I hate the state of personal privacy in the world today.

And I also hate pathetic little cocksuckers like Kim Jong un who are children barely conscious above the level of a single celled organism, who are forcing their subjects to live in a world where access to free information carries a death penalty.

I can hardly sleep at night knowing people are getting away with the worst crimes in the history of humanity and it's all because some developer somewhere did their bidding or did it poorly.

I just love .DS_Store files in all my directories.

imagine if devRant had a programming language

#define SHITS_I_GIVE 0

codes START_BITCH() {

FUCKING_DISPLAY("FUCK YOU WORLD\n");

COCKSUCKER_INT counter_bitch = 0;
DURING(counter_bitch < SHITS_I_GIVE) {
FUCKING_DISPLAY("I DON'T GIVE "); FUCKING_DISPLAY(counter_bitch);
FUCKING_DISPLAY(" FUCKS,\n");
}

FUCKING_DISPLAY("SUCK A COCK ASSHOLES");

}

I've come to a conclusion today: Management are fucking with me. I know it sounds far fetched, but its the only thing that makes sense.

I was in a meeting today, discussing some bad emails back and forth. Part of my issue was the amount of time spent on useless meetings, or waiting around to give demos.

The meeting got cut short, so I could prepare a demo for a VP ... after an hour and a fucking half of waiting around ... theres no time to see my demo.

What the actual fuck, seriously .... seriously what the actual fuck. What if the name of mother fucking christ is going on with this team, that they call me into a mother fucking meeting to discuss the "developers attitude" only to go and cut it short ... so they can fucking waste my time ... for the second time in 3 mother fucking days.

Oh i'd rather fuck myself with a cactus than spend the rest of my days dealing with this utter bullshittery.

I created an app that would let people in software development and general I.T related fields to bitch about shit and just rant about stuff.

But two glorious assholes stole it from me. So no startup.

Why does every kid developer have a dark theme fetish? I started programming on a Commodore 64. It was dark. It's the quality of the shit you write that defines you assholes, not the color theme of your editor.

Now that that's off my chest, some poos soul has dared to send his resume to me. One of his projects is a website that is being marked by my ENS as a phishing website. I am about to invite him for an interview, and am willing to bet his everything will be dark because he wants to impress me.

Are you a complete passive aggressive twat?

Are you 100% completely unable to stand up for yourself outside of the safety that a computer screen provides?

Are you a male and capable of only doing things that would take you in the absolute complete opposite direction of a vagina?

Are you a female and an insufferable twat?

Do you think that people's likes and dislikes are no better than yours?

Is your opinion better than anyone else's?

THEN BEING A DEVELOPER AND BEING IN DEVRANT IS JJJJJJJJUST WHAT YOU NEED!

Here in our community, the more full of shit that you are! the farther you will go up in popularity! Insufferable opinionated and biased assholes that could not throw a punch if their lives depended on it is LITERALLY WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT!!

lmao, I swear man, some of y'all are just too full of shit.

Rant
Fucking websites that dont host the latest version of their own software

Thanks for making me download a 5gb installer just to make me download another 2gb in updates assholes

Oh you want my homework Solutions?

WELL NO! YOU WONT GET MY SOLUTIONS YOU PRICK! YOU ALWAYS TREAT ME LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT! I WONT GIVE IT TO YOU!!
AND I DONT FUCKING CARE ABOUT YOUR SHITTY GRADES! THEY ARENT MINE! AND YOU KNOW WHY?! BECAUSE I DO MY FUCKING HOMEWORK AND IT PISSES ME OFF TO ALWAYS GET REQUESTS FOR MY FUCKING SOLUTIONS! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, PUT IT IN A BAG AND TAKE IT TO THE SHIT STORE!
WHY?!
BECAUSE I DONT CARE! THATS WHY! DO YOUR HOMEWORK!
AND MAKE GOOD GRADES!
BYE!!

Just curious, how is it like to work as a developer. I mean, as a profession and not a hobby or freelancing.

From devRant, so far I know that you work in an office, the managers and bosses are assholes, and people always write unmanageable and undocumented code.

What else is it like? Do you get to work alone or do you have to work with people? Do you stay there all day long?

I know its still going to be a while for me, but I want to know how it will be like.

When you are at a party and people ignore you when you talk about your job. And in my head I'm like:
"You assholes in 10 maybe 5 yrs y'all are gonna be replaced by computers except me. Enjoy your life while you still can."

I have just thought of the perfect solution when support for fucking ancient IE versions creaps in the requirements (and asking the assholes to produce numbers to support the crazy does not help)

Just do browser detection and if IE < 9 Replace body with one of those winXP alert boxes that tell them there Computer is infected and that they can get a free scan (it's what they are used to anyway). Put a link to the installer of your favourite browser over the entire image.😎

Good news is 100℅ code reuse! Works on every outdated IE and every website that requires IE support.

One day at a meeting I proposed a solution and explained it to everyone and everyone agreed to it. And then comes in this motherfucking Mr. shithole who starts talking about a piece of shit approach which had apparent drawbacks and everyone could see it but no one mentions. Why, becuase that bigger asshole is the boss of these smaller assholes. When I mention the drawbacks, all I get in return is, you are right but we think you should go this way. No fucking explanation why should I or any son of bitch should go that way. And every single one of those fuckers in the meeting suddenly became ok with his approach without any question or doubt. I mean WTF! What kind of developer you are if cant fucking express your views.

How can,
A big fucking corporation,
Have this many,
Stupid assholes,
Within,

So, recently we have added a feature to find nearest agents(users) in our app, yay,

Nothing fancy, just showing a list (of user data, address, distance, geographical position and such), if clicked will open a map app (deep link to google or else) showing the clicked user’s position

Then comes around the product owner relaying a message from the fucking “business guys”, and their request was,

“Can you make a url that can be shared in whatsapp or instagram, then when people clicked on it, it will open a map that shows all of our nearest users, and it must be accessible from public”

Never have I had the urge to act impolitely like today, well that’s what happens when an entire business division is ran by a bunch of fucking dinosaurs,

So, boss asks for support on sunday, I say sure, no problem. I arrive, get to my station and suddenly my nose, eyes and throat become itchy. The goddamn building's been fumigated. Fucking assholes. I'm going back home dizzy and nauseous.

After 8 iTunes Testflight Beta approvals for my app ... better still, I got hte app approved for the App Store a week ago to "de-risk" our "final submission" ... That's 9 approvals for my app, and we're ready to submit version 1.0.0 and actually release on the store. We take last week approved app and "developer reject" if to make room for the final tweaked version (minor tweaks, minor bugfixes). Submit version 1.0.0., plenty of time before it needs to be released.

But, what's this? "Meta Data rejected" for v1.0.0 because some piece of shit at Apple wants to watch a video of the app working with our hardware. What about the previous 9 approvals with the demo account connected to the demo hardware?

So we send a video within 1 hour of their unexpected request about the very foundational fucntionality of our app. That was 24 hours ago and these fucking assholes haven't even responded, no sign of when they will trouble themselves to respond. Pure limbo.

All the work up to this point was to "de-risk" their infamously shitty review process and all of it was in vain because it's somehow brand new information that our app works with our hardware.

Holy fuck, what a bunch of power-tripping assholes. All I can do is pace around and review the previous 2 months in my head to figure out what I could have done better. But I could not possibly have expected that after all the Testflight Beta approvals and after the recent App Store approval, that they would suddenly doubt that our software actually works with our hardware!!!!!

FUCK YOU APPLE!!!! FUCK YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!!!!!!

My Professor today, explaining data distribution in distributed systems:

"Imagine distributing Username data in subsets, such as A-C, D-F, G-I, J-L etc... And we have a lot of users with A .... *long pause* A bunch of assholes basically .."

Technology fail:

Bought an appliance last week and the delivery company called me yesterday to let me know when they were coming. It was an automated message that included the following statement:

"If you need to reach us by phone you may do so at contact underscore number."

Someone fucked up their variable usage.

Or course, now I have no way of calling them to see where they are.... Oh. I get it. Very funny, assholes.

My preciousssss!!

Fucking assholes! Just spent 3h debugging for bugs that weren't there.. Our client insisted we must rollback the whole update, because gui was broken.. after analysing data & testing I figure out that there must be something 'wrong' as there was no data to copy from in the first place...so there should be no bug..
Aaand here goes the best part: they didn't want to point out missing data bug, they just wanted one restriction to be removed, because it 'broke GUI', to allow for empty value on save... WTF?! How can you insist that gui is buggy & that you don't want an update, if you just want something to be optional?! Which was done immediately, one change in one js file?! Dafaaaaaq?!

Kids, English is important!! Otherwise you end up debugging ghosts for 3+ hours withou a cigarette...and waking up a coworker with bad news of rollback at half to midnight... Aaaaaaaargh!!!
сука блять 

Every time some assholes decide to mix part of the business logic inside the presentation layer.

<body>
<?php
// Let's query the db here...
?>

<body>
<%
/* Hey, I'm a JSP! Why not defining some custom logic here, so nobody will able to debug it? */
%>

```We discovered that your app contains hidden features. Attempting to hide features, functionality or content in your app is considered egregious behavior and can lead to removal from the Apple Developer Program.```
- Apple App Store Publishing Team

.

ARE U FU KINV KIDDING ME

THAT IS THE COMPLETE REASON WHY YOU REJECTED MY APP?

THE SAME GODDAMN BUILD THAT WAS SUBMITTED ON GOOGLE PLAY FOR ANDROID GOT APPROVED IN 10 MINUTES

IS THE SAME BUILD VERSION THAT GOT REJECTED 3 DAYS AFTER REVIEW ON THE APP STORE

BECAUSE "THEY THINK" I HAVE HIDDEN FEATURES LOL WHAT ARE FU🤡🤡KING INSANE🤡 YO😂😂🤡🤡

THIS REJECTION REASON IS LIKE A SHITTY USER REVIEW

"omg baby girl this app is best" *1 star"

OR

"I have a crash pls fix its not work this app cz crashs n not fixes fck u developers fix it these prblms !!!!🍆🍆🍆👅👅👅💦💦💦💨🌬🌬🌬" *1 star*

AND GET THIS RN !!!!

RN !!!!!!

THEY EVEN *THREAT ME* TO BAN MY APPLE DEVELOPER PROGRAM ACCOUNT WHICH I. P A I D. F O R. $ 100 USD

BECAUSE MY APP HaS 'HIDDEN FEATURES'

THERE ARE NOOO9OO FI KING HIDDEN FEATURES U MTHHHFRRFKERSS I WILL CUMBLAST ALL OF UR APPLE HOLES INTO UR ASSHOLES AND GIVE BIRTH TO THE MAGGOTS🤡GROWING FROM WITHIN🤡UR FKIG ASSHOLE CZ ALL OF YALL R FKIN ASSHOLES🤡ANYWAY🤡THEN MY FKIG HOT CUM🤡WILL EXPLODE💦OUT OF YOUR🤡ASS AND U WILL BE CLOWNS FOREBER🤡I WORKED WAY TOO HARD TO DESERVE AN UNNECESSARY REJECTION THAT HAS A VAGUE REASON OF WHY IT WAS REJSCTED🤡🤡🤡

juuuuuuu

🤡hehe

Today, I suddenly received a "build error" email for master on a project that I am working on with my grp.
So I panicked and opened the log to see who messed up. This is what I see

Not programming relevant.

Humans are assholes. Last week was my birthday. First my mom need to remember my sisters and grandma. Last only send a WhatsApp message for my birthday. Saturday I want to celebrate with some friends. Some didn't respond, one decline because of health issues (was ok). At least 9 people including me. But only after 2.5h (8pm) the designated driver was "tired" and take 3 more people with. So they didn't take a walk or drive by Taxi, but went fucking partying at another place...

Half of family nearly forget my birthday and a bunch of "friends" are real jerks.

At school we have a little maker-space and there are a group of students who come in all the time just to play video games on the computers. Not only are they not doing anything productive, they’re loud and clutter the space with people watching the play.

Today I wiped the computer and installed arch linux (with a desktop environment but not set to automatically go to the desktop environment. I hope this will solve our problems.

How can business majors be so gullible?! Who the fuck poisoned their minds with the app hype ?!!

Seriously my tears are 90% from laughter and 10% shame for humanity.

Friend: "Dude I'd like to consult with you the idea of an app...etc"
Me: "Sounds nice, got a business plan?"
Friend: "Yes, but well...you see... development has already started"
Me: "oh cool, how's that going?"
Friend: "well I already made an upfront payment of 2K dollars"
Me: "sounds kind of excessive for the amount of work...wait did you said upfront payment?"
Friend: "yeah, we calculated 30k total"

😐

Me:"umm...that software must be...special...? Can I see it?"
Friend: "that's the thing, they haven't delivered"
Me: " did they give you mockups? A development plan? Demo? Anything?"
Friend: "umm no"
Me: "a god damn receipt?"
Friend shows me a piece of paper with the name of the guy and 2K written on it.
Friend: "he says he's been busy, I wanted your advice"

I blame Eduardo Saverin's fate and my friend's on college's failure to teach "real world assholes 101"

Me: this book gives a really in depth analysis on how a human behavior is constructed, be it from the genetic makeup, upbringing, or even life changing experiences, and more...

Inner Me: ...so people are inherently assholes?

Backstory, I’m working as a vendor assigned to a certain institution,

The client recently had some changes to its organizational structure, not sure what, but a lot of things have changed, a lot of rules have changed, more bureaucracy, politics, etc,

Previously there’s this IT division that stands above the rest, which somewhat not restricted to corporate bullshit and such, due to the changes, they got dissolved to the “communities”, that’s how they called their “division”,

Back when the IT division reigned, all IT staffs within it were treated equally, there was no discrimination, full time employee, vendors, interns, all get the same benefit and privilege,

...until fire nation attacked,

Even though it had dissolved, the core members of the old IT division still held their tradition, weekly meetups and regular sharing sessions, during the last sharing session, there was an initiative to conduct an advanced React Native training, which was designated for the core members,

Seeing the opportunity, one of the core member added the idea of holding a basic RN training, filter the candidates, and invite more person to the advanced one, one of the “community” head agreed, so it happened, the RN basic training was conducted, most of the core members are the trainers including myself,

It was not realized until later, that most of the people that joined the basic training sessions were serving under the “community” head, needless to say, being “forced” into it, most of them did a terrible job at attending the training, half of them didn’t even pass due to neglecting attendance, test and final projects,

One of the vendor was the top of the class during the basic training, and everyone had in confidence that he will be joining the advanced session with us,

...until fire nation attacked the second time,

Apparently, due to “budget limitation”, the number of seat was “limited”, and after an “in depth discussion”, the candidates are subjects to several new prioritization rules, the priority goes like this,

- Full Time Employee
- must be a Software Developer
- not currently in resignation process
- score from the basic training

Needless to say, my colleague and I were botched from the list, the two that replaced us were two of the atendees of basic training that didn’t even passed it,

To our disappointment, somehow those two rejected their perticipation, thus the community lead reopened the seat if anyone would take it, feeling disgusted, I didn’t even thought of asking, so I ignored the offer,

Then my vendor colleague asked if he could join, which was replied by the community head, “well if you want to be a full time employee, I still have a slot for it”, not sure how the arrangement goes, but it seems he got the seat,

Today, on a warm sunday afternoon, I suddenly gor a text from one of the other community lead, asking me if I want to join the training, there’s still 1 slot left, well, since he offered directly to me, I said that I would be interested to join,

Until he said, “ok then since the training is under the budgeting by {some hr division name}, it’s exclusive for full time employees only, while we’re at it, do you want to be processed into a full time employee here?

Without further ado, I rejected both the offer, the training and being full time employee, straight up “thank you for the offer, but no thanks, if it’s restricted to full time employees only, so be it, I shall skip this one”

And he still persisted, asking me questions like “why not ?”, “why you don’t want to be a full timer here ?”, “do you have some kind of arrangement with your current company ?”

To which I simply answered, “I’m currently happy where I stand and happy working as a vendor”, then he left it there,

I’d rather quit instead of becoming a member of my client’s ranks, which is hopefully soon,

Karma Story

2 motherfuckers that were absolute shit as managers applied for a position for the web tech manager at my institution. I was the one that Xed both their applications.

Now, I didn't do it out of pettiness, I did it because both of these assholes lied about their positions, responsibilities and knowledge.
One of them washed his hands on a project stating that he had no knowledge of web development, but stated on his resume that he was working as a web dev at the time(in node and asp.net) as well as angular frontends <--- fking bullshit

The other stated that he has been coding all his life. Yeah shitbag, that is why you were selling phones at a company and when i mentioned to you that i studied comp sci you said that it sounds interesting but you had no idea what development is or how computers even work.

There were many. Might say fuck it and just take the position for myself. Shit got funny af and it is amazing how being a shit person and a liar will get back to you and bite you in the ass.

Fuck them

Some clients are just assholes!

This morning there was this window cleaner again, that actually made me remember a rant from the old box - my previous account. Repost of that coming in an hour or so :3

Turns out that he came in the morning, and I completely forgot about it. The only appointment that I had today got canceled so I was like, eh fuck it. There's been this family event yesterday that made me so fucking tired... I'll just stay in bed for a little while longer.

Apparently that window cleaner ringed my bell multiple times, haven't heard him do it but anyway.. he and the cleaning lady had the genius idea to ask my landlord whether they can just barge in my home. Way to start the day, isn't it? I thought there were burglars.

In my bathrobe and visibly pissed off (I am NOT a morning person!), I let him do the window cleaning and waited for them to get the fuck out already. Then that cleaning lady, the fucking bitch that called my landlord to break into my home without MY prior permission!!! While the window cleaner was doing his work, she proceeds to ask me this.

Cleaning lady: "I had this technical issue earlier, and since you are good with phones I thought I'd ask you."
Me (thinking): oh, here it comes.. *rolling eyes*
M: "What's the issue?"
CL: "Well my stepson has an iPhone, which he broke and we brought it to a smartphone repair shop. They repaired it twice but an hour after receipt of the fixed phone, it breaks again."
M (t): You went wrong at iPhone, and you went wrong at visiting that incompetent mofo "teknishan" twice.
M: "Well I have no experience whatsoever with iPhones, but continue."
CL: "Well, he replaced the motherboard, and some pin at the bottom.."
M (t): The fucking motherboard of all things. The whole fucking motherboard?! The last thing that I'd look at, he just replaces like that?! Fucking piece of shit. That's even worse than Apple stores. And what's up with that goddamn pin? CAN'T YOU POSSIBLY BE A BIT MORE SPECIFIC?!
M: "Given only this information, I have no idea what's wrong with it."
CL: "But you are good with these things, aren't you?!"
M: "I disassemble my own broken phones, and dick around with their motherboards. That, while I'm fully aware that in the process I can break it beyond repair. That does not make me an expert on every phone out there."
CL: …

Well what did you even expect, fucking bitch. You barge into my home, don't even have the dignity to leave for me to be able to shower and dress myself, and then you go ask shit like that? Go suck my fucking cock, and shove that iPaperweight down your ass!! How about that?!

OC inspired by recent events

THE FUCK WHY did the company which made the website I'm maintaining now ADD CUSTOM FACEBOOK LIKES AND TWITTER FOLLOWER WIDGETS - IN A SUBDIRECTORY OF THE THEME?

Guess what, you motherfuckers: One year after you made that damn page the Facebook API changed and your stinking widget is broken REQUIRING ME TO REWRITE MOST OF IT!

Also WHO THE FUCK LEFT HIS BRAIN ON HIS BEDSIDE TABLE the day he decided to HARDCODE ASSETS WITH AN http:// (no tls) URL? YES, browsers will block that shift if the website itself is delivered over tls, because it's a GAPING SECURITY HOLE!

People who sells websites that have user management and thus request authentication without AT LEAST OFFERING FUCKING STANDARD TLS SHOUD BE TARRED AND FEATHERED AND THEN PUT IN A PILLORY IN FRONT OF @ALEXDELARGE'S HOUSE!

Maybe I should be a bit more thankful - I mean I get payed to fix their incompetence. But what kind of doctor is thankful for the broken bones of his patient?

Thanks to Microsoft and Windows for making my work day one hour shorter. FUCK OFF WITH THIS FORCED UPDATE/RESTART SHIT!!!! Who the fuck in Microsoft thought that this was a smart idea? Fucking assholes. And yes, I did tell it to only update outside office hours. Doesn't work apparently.
Luckily it's easy to explain to my boss why I had one hour of not being productive.

I wish the apple review team shove them white polished apples up their fucking asses

A problem solved over a month ago... Ipv6 works it's tested.

Now you come back with a very specific old iPad on a very specific os and say it doesn't work !?

The topping on this shit (apple) pie? They sent me a screenshot of the issue.

It's a screenshot of the fucking login page. I know what the fucking thing looks like you assholes.

Absolute tossers

What the fuck man.
Why even I am working with this assholes.
Yesterday,Our technical support guy reinstalled windows(I don't mess up with technical issues because then it will be my part time job,so I show that I don't know anything about hardware).
He installed fucking 32 bit window,He was trying to installed 64 bit version thunderbird.

He wasted my whole day.

Boy do I love when Snapchat sends me a snap telling me happy father's day.
I don't even know who my father is but thanks for the reminder assholes.
I wonder what dipshit thought that sending everyone on Snapchat messages during all sorts of holidays that not everyone celebrates was a good idea.

If you're planning to be a new entrepreneur (like me) here's a few things to keep in mind:

1) it'll keep getting harder but it's all worth it. Do not quit mid way no matter how hard it gets.

2) stop asking everyone for advice, they'll either be assholes or you'll end up getting confused by too much contradicting advice.

3) regardless of point 2, people will still advise you on everything (ikr). Listen to them, and if you don't agree with it... Do not bother to correct them, never helps... Just ignore it

4) if some one is an asshole to you or someone shoots your idea down, don't get discouraged. Reflect on it and if it's irrelevant, forget it all. Do not try to be an asshole back, always take the higher road.

P.S I'm also still learning... Hope you all very best for your endeavours :)

Can someone tell me how "Marked As Duplicate is even FUCKING HELPFUL?

Stack Overflow and their stupid policies can go fuck themselves. Is the world really going to end if someone writes a question that's been asked before? Especially when you link to a goddamn question that still doesn't answer what I asked?

And then have the gall to say "exact duplicate?"

EVEN THOUGH IT WAS A DIFFERENT QUESTION?

Why the fuck are Indian software companies under the impression that interns are just junior developers that you are legally allowed to fuck over with shit/no pay. Internships are supposed to be about learning and growth. Every fucking company I apply for has some bullshit bi polar disorder because their requirements state one thing and they ask you other bullshit on the phone or at the interview.

How the fuck do you expect a college student to know React, Django, AWS, Angular, D3, Scala, iOS and whatever buzzword you assholes noticed were trending on quora?

And for fucks sake don't waste my time to call me and ask if I'd be available full time if I mentioned I can only intern part time.

WTF is wrong with these people.

I've been teaching my brother basic front-end development stuff. He's good. Seeing this, I decided to put him into a real project. So I got one, a simple front-end project. But the project managers are assholes and requesting stupid things. Thus, my brother didn't complete it before deadline. I don't know what to do now. I can't help my brother because I don't have enough time. I am very furious as I want to leave the project and fuck the manager over. What should I do?

I want to kill the developers at Authorize.net right now.

dead...all of them....

Thanks for the heads up that a major breaking change was pushed to your API at 1PM Tuesday...Assholes!!

Then roll it back 12 hrs later because it broke thousands of people's ecommerce sites.

Charging customers 5-10 times and never pushing a callback that is readable back to allow our systems to create an order.

Die all of you!!!!

YAY.... fuck you Belkin!
Just found out my router is vulnerable to CVE-2017-14491.

For all you not following these issues, this one allows the attacker to intercept connections and perform a traffic hijack, or execute arbitrary code with unrestricted privileges as well as access all important and private data stored on the device aka: the devices login/password, the Wi-Fi passwords, and configuration data just by sending malformed DNS packets to the device.

Now this is all well and good, except Belkin haven't released firmware since 2013, which is strange... seeing how the damn thing was "NEW" out of the box in 2016.

Last time i buy a fucking router from these lousy assholes.

FUCK THIS FACEBOOK ASSHOLES FOR GIVING MY NUMBER TO A CLIENT. FUCK YOU ASSHOLES. I DON'T SIGNED UP FOR GIVING OUT MY NUMBER TO EVERYONE .I HOPE YOUR COMPANY LOSE ALL THEIR ASSETS AND MARK ZUCKERBERG GO BANKRUPT .... FUCK YOU ...

I finally gave in into the peer pressure and made myself a Twitter account.

WHAT A FUCKING SHIT SITE.

When registering the only thing I provided was my email and username. Nothing more.

One day later when visiting Twitter I get a big ass pop-up that briefly tells me my account is locked for 'unusual behavior', 'suspicious activity' and 'not following of Twitter's rules'.

I want to remind you that my account was barely one day old, and had no activity whatsoever.

So if getting your account locked for no single reason isn't bad enough. The only and ONLY way to unlock my account was TO PROVIDE MY FUCKING PHONE NUMBER. No other single way to unlock my account.

YOU WANT MY PERSONAL DATA SO BADLY?

On top of that I didn't receive a single email from them for this 'suspicious activity' or 'breaking of Twitter's rules'.

THIS IS SCAREWARE. Lying to people in order to get more personal data. My account was perfectly fine. And without providing your phone number you can't even delete your account.

GO FUCK YOURSELF FUCKING ASSHOLES WITH YOUR ASSHOLE DESIGN

FUCKING SHITSITE

Joined my current company as a Frontend Engineer 2 years back. They recently got funded and started hiring with a higher salary range. Not to brag but I'm pretty good at my job with 6yr of experience but my current salary makes me a lower mid-level engineer now and I'm the only frontend guy here.

So, now they're asking me to take interviews of the applicants who are applying for the senior position.

Why do people have to be such an assholes to the employees, man?

THis one goes out to the fucktards that decide to fucking change things on api systems to meet new business requirements and fail to fucking scope out the change requirements of dependent systems that YOU are FUCKING UPDATING via THIS FUCKINg API!
You fucking morons!

At least have the fucking decency or balls to walk 10 fucking metres from your stupid ass chair or send a fucking email about the changes rather then me finding out you fucktards change things through an end customer who want to know where there order is!!! FUCK!

I fucking HATE when people tell me:
"Oh you are using Unity? What kind of dumb shit uses Unity! Isnt its only purpose to make shovelware and shit?!"
THIS MAKES ME FURIOS AT MOST POINTS! AND I WANT TO PUNCH THOSE DIPWIT COCKS WHO ALWAYS THINK ANYTHING OTHER THAN UNITY IS GOOD, IN THE FUCKING FACE! TWICE!
unity isnt just for SHOVELWARE and CHEAP SHITGAMES, it has some really good potential when in the RIGHT FUCKING HANDS!! FOR FUCK SAKE!
(If you want an example look up dronethegame.com currently in crowdfunding) FUCK THESE PEOPLE...

FUCK

What's the mute for, if random apps blast their camera sounds anyway, yes scanbot you're one of those assholes.

It’s not the coding or the job that sucks. It’s the assholes you work with.

I know I’ve already ranted about this but I’m just feeling it again today. I’m just so fucking furious about this equifax breach, but what makes me even more furious is that there’s a score of companies like them in the states that just hoard as much private data that they shouldn’t have as humanly possible and give it away to anyone who asks; these should be public key encrypted and I should have one key and they should have the other, so that nobody, not even anyone in the company can view my data without me saying so. This is just so unbelievably offensive and negligent that these assholes who don’t see the inherent problem with this system should be immediately shipped to Guantanamo bay where they will be tortured for the rest of their miserable lives. I’m so disgustingly angry that they have the right to be irresponsible with data that is not theirs and know that there will be little to no reprocussions for fucking it away.

So we have Oncall system. Every month I get one working weekend.

Now senior engineers and lead are assholes. They think they can bully us. They are putting their Oncall work on our heads.

I refused to do it. But my partner in Oncall agreed to take up their weekend Oncall and in return they would do our weekday. I don't see how that is fair enough.

I refused to do it still. My partner apparently ended up doing it alone this weekend.

I don't FUCKING need to lick anyone's ass here! I don't FUCKING need to do these things to be in their good books! Waiting for the time when I saw GOODBYE TO THESE FUCKING ASSHOLEZZZZ

Alright, I have no idea who to blame!
Me and my Linux group at college hosted a Firefox Quantum Sprint with about 30people. And we promised them Firefox swag coz Mozilla promised us! Its been more than two fuckin weeks since we were supposed to recieve them... no swag!
Well, guess what? The local post office says "Insufficient Reciever Address". I specifically remember giving u morons More than sufficient sender address! My name, college name, college address, my number... thats enough to get me assasinated if u want and u cant send a package of stickers?!!!
Well shit.. after five more emails I havent even gotten a reply from Mozilla.. or maybe its the weekends... fuck! Why am i defending these assholes?!!
Send me ur swag Mozilla! Or I ll... I ll...
Wait.. i cant do shit!
Fuck my life! 😣😣😣

GRANDPAFUCKING RETARDS!
I HOPE YOU ALL DIE ON SOME ELEPHANT DICKS TURNED AROUND YOUR HEADS WHILE GETTING RAPED BY THOUSANDS OF GIRAFFES (EACH OF THEM BEING SO HORNY THAT THEY ALSO COULD FUCK YOUR WIFE AT THE SAME TIME!)

THEY ASK ME A FUCKING QUESTION AND ONLY GIVE ME THE OPTION TO AGREE ON THE COOKIE POP-UP TO ENTER THE WEBSITE! YOU DIPSHITS!
YOU SISTERFUCKING ASSHOLES!

WELL... I FUCKING CLICKED "AGREE" AND WHEN I FINALLY FOUND THE PRIVACY CENTER (LOL) THE SAME FUCKING POP-UP DID APPEAR!
HOW ABOUT YOU FUCKING FUCK YOURSELF, DISTROWATCH?!

Btw. they really still use tables instead of proper css styling.
DO WE LIVE IN THE FUCKING STONE AGE?!

So here is what happens. I have new guy in the office. He thinks he is a big shot or something. Our office time is 9 to 6, but no one comes in at that time.

This guy, he comes at 10:30 and I come at 11. I have been working as a senior dev for 2.5 years now and he is a fresher who joined as a manager which I am still wondering why.

And he tells me you are late and I inform the CEO about this.

One of these days I will tell him that brother the day you show the same commitment I have shown to the company or anything close to it, we will talk.

Waiting for the exact day.

I know stack overflow is filled with grumpy elitists assholes that will downvote or shit on your question, answer or whatever for whatever reason they can find, and that certain guidelines need to be followed to make a clear, comprehensible question, and I've accepted that.

However today SO hit an all time low for me when a post got shit upon for ending with "thanks In advance".

Have we really come to a point where even the slightest bit of courtesy is frowned upon?

Do we all have to become mindless fucking robots without any sympathy or gratitude?

Ofcourse I understand you shouldn't dedicate an entire paragraph to saying hello, introducing yourself and thanking everyone and their mothers. But what the fuck is wrong with a simple greeting or sign of gratitude.

I even found an entire discussion about wether or not greetings and thanking should be banned by rule. And that really upsets me.

Programmers, nerds and the like are already judged as generally closed people and antisocial. And that may be true. But are we really gonna let ourselves become even worse where we can't thank someone who helped?!

Fucking thank you for reading.

And to the grumpy old diahrea farts, I hope you and your devilish spawn live a life of endless loneliness and solitude

THE FUCK!!!!

Some stupid assholes on my company have adquired the idiotic habit to call me to supervise some videoconferences using Skype, Hangouts or other fucking systems that i never heard about. I hate it because is a big fat waste of time.You don't need a engineer to handle your stupid password mismatch, your "why this is so slow? can you fix the internet". Or why the sound is so crappy or why don't you have a better microphone. This are your fucking computers, and your fucking calls. what the next? sending your emails? Wipe your asses? is not my fucking role.

Next time I will put your notebooks inside your assholes. Your crap will be better transmitted for sure.

Why is it so hard to just build machines that work without all this ideological bullshit? Code doesn't care if politics==true. The world is scary enough without you assholes making modern life a data minefield for even the most educated experts, and taking advantage of the ignorance of everyone else. Fuck you.
I just wanna <look at web pages> without having to consider, counteract, or silently assist some fucking regime. Why is EVERYTHING this way? Everything is a back door or a data mine or a political statement? This isn't a fucking art piece! It's not your espionage tool, fucking codes in invisible ink and tiny cameras and shit everywhere! It's a <web browser>, and if it does ANYTHING besides <browse the web> that I didn't explicitly tell it to do, you better better not be the one who made it. Because if you did, you are what's wrong with the world.

So the same guy who called Ninetails from Naruto a wolf is PM in this project with me

During scrum meeting:

PM: I read the project scope again and I realised there are scopes that we didn't get it. Each time I read the scope there's something new.

Me: *Sure, the scope is fucked with a long 8 feet dragon dildo to start with*

PM: Read the scope 5 times, cause we don't want to miss anything. If QA raises an issue regarding the modules which are in scope but you implemented it wrong then it won't be considered Change request and you have to do deliver it in time even work on weekends with no compensation.

Me: ...

PM: Now, go through the scope again today and we will hold a meeting after working hours (unpaid, but can be adjusted in monthly avg) and I will ask random questions.

Me: *tf*

PM: And anyone who won't be able to answer them will sit through the non-working hours and go through the scope again

Me: *YOU FUCKTARD, incompetence from your side or from business development team to create a simple understandable scope can't force us to sit through non-working hours.*

I already had an opinion about this guy from my previous rant, his improved a little in between but I guess not

High School teachers said I wouldn't be shit. I'm 20 years old and making more than all of them. Times are changing you assholes

1) That loud ass mother fucker sitting besides me, shut the fuck up.

2) Air motherfucking condition turned all the way to the max makes me horny and want to fuck your motherboard.

3) Illiterate assholes writing code without any comments and half assed function name just to look cool when we approach them for doubts.

4) Onsite motherfuckers enjoying their lives, taking photos of it and posting it in a monthly magazine while we s(h)it behind the fucking systems all day.

Thank-fucking-you, y'all can die suffocating in your own smelly dierraea poop.

I hate marketing department. They have no idea how much work is involved to make their pedantic "minor" and pretty useless changes. But instead of considering the technical debt something will cause, they just want it done.

When they say "it's just this, it's easy" I seriously want to strangle them.

You do it if it's so easy assholes!

If I tell you the framework we use does it a certain way and to change it means to track down and make changes to core across entire system that most likely will break other stuff for something bullshit minor visual effect they seen on a competitors site that has an entire dev team of at least 5 devs, not a single dev that also takes care of there stupid servers, plus doesn't use the same framework we do, makes me beyond rageful. And then when i finally get it done, they decide they like it better a different way! Fuuuuuck I hate you!

Decided I really hate marketers.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision not taking the job offer.

FUCK FIREBASE, FUCK CLOUD MESSAGING, FUCK GOOGLE, FUCK APPLE, FUCK PUSH NOTIFICATIONS, FUCK PROGRAMMING AND FUCK MY LIFE. JUST TELL ME MOTHERFUCKERS WHY NOTIFICATIONS IS NOT WORKING ANYMORE, I SWEAR I DIDN'T CHANGE A SINGLE LINE OF THE FUCKING CODE. AND IT'S BEEN ONLY ONE WEEK SINCE THE LAST TIME I TESTED IT.

Had to talk to another team to change 1 value in a database I didn't have access to. It should have taken 2 minutes but instead took them two hours. This was before they went on a public rant in front of the CTO and CEO telling my team how we need to re-architect everything we've done in the past 8 months because it didn't meet their personal standards.

I have never even met these people prior and all I needed was 1 fucking value changed. Somehow my company thinks this is culturally acceptable.

Not about favorite language but about why PHP is not my favorite language.

I recently launched a web shop built on Prestashop. I found that some product pages are so god damn slow, like taking 50 fuckin' seconds to load. So I started investigating and analyzing the problem. Turns out that for some products we have so many different combinations that it results in a cartesian product totalling about 75K of unique combinations.

Prestashop did a real bad job coding the product controller because for every combination they fetch additional data. So that results in 75K queries being executed for just 1 product detail page. Crazy, even more when you know that the query that loads all these combinations, before iterating through them, takes 7 fuckin' seconds to execute on my dev machine which is a very very fast high end machine.

That said I analyzed the query and now I broke the query down into 3 smaller queries that execute in a much faster 400 ms (in total!) fetching the exact same data.

So what does this have to do with PHP? As PHP is also OO why the fuck would you always put stuff in these god damn associative arrays, that in turn contain associative arrays that contain more arrays containing even more arrays of arrays.

Yes I could do the same in C# and other languages as well but I have never ever encountered that in other languages but always seem to find this in PHP. That's why I hate PHP. Not because of the language but all those fucking retarded assholes putting everything in arrays. Nothing OO about that.

Way after office hours, random ping!!

Client: Hey man you're a ninja, i have heard so much about you from my team, you're really good. Thanks for everything.

Me(Overwhelmed): Gee, this is my job :)

C: So, can you do a small change to the website!! 😨

Me: Okay

2 days later. After office hours!!

C: Hey Ninja... and all that crap...

Me: Starts typing... Goes offline!!
Fuck you!!

I'm sick to death of hiring people from other companies and explaining GitFlow and why its useful (what are you people doing?).

Then watching them doing it wrong, pointing out its easier to use something like sourcetree. Which leads to "... well see, the terminal is just more efficient, tools like sourcetree are bloated".

Ok fair enough, well heres the deal i'll make with you, while using your "efficient tool", stop breaking our workflow and i'm fine for you to keep using it. Otherwise, stop being a dick and be a team player.

Ohhh! That feeling when you quit your stupid job . Now i can say whatever the fuck i want to my boss and his loyal bitches. Without giving a flying fuck.
Sorry, i get so excited.

To the cunts who use single character aliases for their SQL queries table joins... Suck my throbbing dick till you choke on it and die....

That's all... back to work

So met a guy today in college and it was his first day in class. He told me that he is working as software engineer and having 4 years of experience and primarily works with Java lang.
We do programs in Java for practicals and I'm not good with Java (I fuckin hate). I thought maybe I can ask for help from this guy if I'm stuck. And so the practicals started.
And guess what the guy did not know how to compile Java program on 'cmd' and was seeking help from other guy. I'm like what the actual fuck. How the fuck he has 4 years of experience and can't compile a program. Can't even able to set path. Total idiot. Fuck this shit.

I hate such sites. Such developers will be condemned to live with a 128Kbps dial-up connection forever. Assholes.

Honestly, I think a lot of stackoverflow 'community' is a big stack of assholes. So many times, my questions have been downvoted for being 'too broad', even though some good Samaritan has already answered and solved my problem on that very question.

Y'all, are internships in your area paid, unpaid or u need to pay to get one?

Our uni made internships mandatory! being from one of the country which produces largest number of engineers per year. Every godamn student from our uni is running around to get an internship! And there arises these dick heads with so called made up startups which has never done a godamn single project, just legally registered before the dawn and puts up advertisements for internship trainings!! All our uni needs is a fucking certificate from a technical company which is legally registered. And these assholes provide internship to those who pay them hella amount, and attend there couple of days just to get the certificate!! No developers! Just some random guy talking about html and css! Now thats Internship!

Fucking shit! Making money by looting students in their hard times! Students get the certificate that satisfies the uni, but for fucks sake at least bring an expert to guide them! No!! Need to stand up against this shit!

Fuck you Windows!
It fucking started to update while I had to left for hour! My Gimp project is gone, because it had to bloody update. Someone should sue those assholes. Why Linux can wait for you to update and do it without restarting whole computer?! Is it really that hard to do that? Ohh wait, it's Microsoft!

//rant

So I'm a BI consultant, been doing this for about 6 years now, and I'm pretty good at the data stuffs. Now I had to complete a project for a client where we call a web service and it had to be done in .NET. I wrote a console app in C# that called the WS, dumped the data then a stored proc processed the staging tables into final tables that our visualization tool can consume.

It works, it's done.

Mind you I'm not a pure .NET developer.

And now that it's completed and working this fucking .NET dude that works for my client is basically giving me an attitude talking about "why wasn't it done as a Windows service? Blah, blah" Like WTF!!??? I get that he's the C# BSD but like chill bruh!!

It's annoying as fuck having to work on projects that are not your area of EXPERTISE and then be ridiculed by other elitist assholes about it.

Doesn't happen much, but fuck it's something I hate about dev. FYI, if it was the opposite I would just be asking questions for understanding, not being a sarcastic prick.

//rant done

I fucking hate morning people like the one in the story below!

Before we begin story time I want to acknowledge some things.

This is largely a case of a person having a lack of awareness and giving in to their base instincts (which are wrong).

People all tend to think that everyone else is like them (most children below a certain age cannot make this distinction and many adults never learn it either).

To take it a step further, anyone who isn't just like them is Lazy/Bad/An Asshole/etc.

FUCK THOSE PEOPLE

Now it's story time...

---------

I worked for a startup. We used a modified SCRUM, and we had standups every day @ 10 AM, the other team had then at 11:30 AM.

We get a new product owner. He is a morning person. But basically, he is a day-trader so he wakes up at 5 AM to trade and is in the office by 8 AM every day.

The problem is, he uses this as a reason to leave every day at 3 PM when EVERY other member of the team is there until at least 5 PM.

So he says one day (when I am not there) that we are moving our standups to 8:30 AM...

"Because he wants to make more use of the time and wants to get more done!"

So the next day a bunch of us miss this standup, the second day I was there in time but instead of going to the standup I sent them a picture of myself sitting in a coffee shop across the street with a message saying...

"I will be holding a meeting today at 10 AM, I expect EVERYONE to be there. If anyone on our team is absent then we will sit there and that absent person will be responsible for the time we waste waiting for them."

10 AM rolls around and the Product Owner is nowhere to be seen. The team starts complaining about the early standup and I tell them that this meeting is for me to take care of it. I tell them to sit silently and let me handle it.

We all message the PO saying the same thing...
"Come to the meeting, You are wasting our time!!!"

So he shows up at 10:20 AM and it begins.

(Now I'm going to do this as a conversation)

PO: "So I assume this is about the standup?..."

ME: "Feel free to ramble on as long as you want, you have already wasted 20 minutes of our time so we will sit here quietly and wait for you to decide you are ready to stop wasting our time with your ramblings. That's fine."

<PO then shuts up in disbelief>

ME: "So are you finished?"

PO: ...

ME: "I'm expecting an answer PO!"

PO: Yes, for now.

ME: I am moving our standups to 5 PM, end of discussion.

PO: Becuase your too lazy to be here by 8 AM?

<I expected this>

ME: No because I'm an asshole who expect everyone to conform to my schedule.

PO: ..., Well, I am not here at 5 PM.

ME: Sounds like your too "lazy" be here at 5 PM, eh?

PO: I have other things I do then.

ME: Ah, now the truth comes out. You care more about your life than our business. That's unacceptable! I personally don't care what you want to do. The fact is that we are working here and every day we end up having PO questions that need to and can't be answered because you are not here.

PO: <To the team> The standup is still at 8:30 AM.

ME: <To the team> The standup is at 5 PM. End of story. And from now on whenever we have questions before 5 for PO and he is not here we will be recording it and putting it in his report.

Then I walk away.

That day we held a standup at 5 PM. He wasn't there. He held a standup at 8:30 AM and he didn't even show up. He stayed home a video in. He then arrived in the office and said...

PO: Since no one was in the standup today we will be moving it back to 10 AM.

ME: Since PO has seen the selfishness of his ways, We will be moving the standup from 5 PM back to 10 AM.

FUCK THOSE PEOPLE

not mine. but so very true

So, here I am at a guided internship programme, hosted by Indian Railways.

They told us to report at the Personnel Office by 10:00 AM. When I reached there, they told us the venue has been changed (to a place 1km away, with no transportation) and the official "forgot" to inform the 500+ candidates.

Yet, we moved to the said Hall, and am waiting for 1 hour (10:59 AM here), watching :
1. The stupid technician trying to align the projector
2. The stupid presenter trying to copy something and failing, as his pen drive gets disconnected halfway the process.
3. The VIPs having snacks and coffee on-stage while we the students wait here looking at those dumb assholes.

How am I supposed to respect them tomorrow at work?

Fuck sake, so my bank has been migrating/rolling out new IT system and app/site have been broken for about a week (others noted evidence of devs debugging in production)

Assuming I don't lose my money as some mischievous assholes will inevitably exploit the fuck up, and rob the bank, I will be moving my funds to a different bank...

In mean time I'm trying to prepare for uni, and they're making a ton of semi-random changes in addition to rolling out a site with course details and info along those line, and good fucking god is it bad.

Is is slow as fuck? Check. Does it use never-seen-before naming for standard things? Check! Is the UI pulled from late 90's? YOOU BETCHA! Are the pages bloated with unnecessary content? Fuck yeah! Do I get SQL exceptions when I finally locate my course? Of course I do. Does clicking "back" take me back to the landing page instead of previous page, when I'm several steps deep? .....

I could keep going, but don't feel like ranting and feel more like punching someone in the throat.repeatedly.

A bit different than wk93, but still connected and a fun story.

Back in high school when it began to digitalize everything, so began our teachers journey with technology. We, as IT class were into these things, but as far as I can say, others in the school including both teachers and students were like cave mans when it came to IT.

Most of them kept the different wifi networks password on the windows desktop, in a file 'wifipassword.txt'. When we were on robotics seminar, we had to use a teacher's laptop. The wifi network was incredibly fast and powerful,, yet so poorly configured that even the configuration page user/pass was the default admin/admin, because the IT admin wasn't the most skilled one.

We got the idea to sell the password of the wifi network to other students. Not much, for about 1 dollar a week. The customer came to us, we took the phone, took note of the MAC address, entered the password, and if the guy were to stop paying every week, we just blacklisted that MAC on the next robotics course.

Went well for months, until a new sysadmin came and immediately found it out, we were almost fired from the school, but my principal realized how awesome this idea was. You may say that we were assholes, and partially that is true, I'd rather say we made use of our knowledge.

Lels

Before I was unceremoniously laid off by a shit company in which they tried to blame shit on me I was working on a opencv implementation of a proprietary document scanner.

I finished the Android prototype and was working on the ios implementation. It was left unfinished in the ios version because I was building it in swift and obj c to compare code bases.

They launched a shit unfinished Android app of their product without the scanner (they could not add the scanner lels) and have not been able to do shit on the ios version.

I did not give them the Android prototype. There was no binding contract that specified that what I developed was theirs. There is no record of anything.

The scanner? Is still in my phone and I still have the built project in my mac.
Unless them cheap assholes decide to pay another engineer for the opencv implementation, their vbscript php non theory knowing shit lead will have to figure out the required mat obj c swift java cpp code needed to build it.

Top kek

So after the original idea getting scraped during a hackathon this week, we created a slack bot to fetch most relevant answers from StackOverflow using user's input. All the user had to do was input few words and the bot handled all typos, links etc and returned the link as well as the most upvoted or the accepted amswer after scraping it from the website.
The average time to find an answer was around 2 seconds, and we also told that we're planning to use flask to deploy a web application for the same.
After the presentation, one of the judge-guys called me and told me that "It isn't good enough, will not be used widely" and "Its similar to Quora".
Never ever have I wanted to punch a son of a bitch in the balls ever.

I reckon in other countries people are generally nicer... In England ... We are all assholes. Even when we know we are wrong.

I work in a team where I am the only person not belonging to the main company. We have been a year and 3 months working together and they still don't realise that I have very restricted access to many of the things related to the project. So every now and then, something breaks and we have a meeting where they all tell me how disappointed they are at me because I was responsible for that and then I try to show them how I could not possibly even access the information where it is stated that I was responsible for that thing. Or that that thing even existed.

And then, the move the conversation to why they won't pay for my ramping up. This is not ramping up, assholes, this is you allowing me to access the information I need to do my job as you want!

I really don't know what to do... Other than looking for another job

It's annoying when clients are such big fucking assholes that they make you want to leave an awesome job

So snapdeal is ecommerce site as Amazon in India
Translation :
"You assholes, why are fucking us in the ass ?"

!devRelated

I personally think that one of the worst things a person can be is a bad driver.

I really hate the driving culture in my city.

This ain't some third world country with no roads and no traffic signs or regulations. We have very very nice roads. Good traffic systems in place. Decent driving speeds and people STILL manage to fuck shit up.

Not one fucking day do I get in my truck without wanting to murdee someone.

I flipped off about 3 people today. One of them started to scream at me. I told the bitch ass motherfucker to do something about it. I was really hoping a motherfucker would.

I really hate these fucking people.

My fucking city is the reason why Trump supporters get off on hating mexicans. How the fuck can I blame them if when driving through such fucking city damn near every fucker on a vehicle drives with 0 regard for others.

Fuck this bullshit man. This is fucking Texas. I have yet to see nicer fucking roads, no fucking excuse really.

I am going to kill someone one of these days. And I will aim poorly...see if that shit hurts more.

Well, I have a friend working on a major bank in my city. Yesterday we went for a coffee when he told me that the wifi connection that the costumers can use is the same as the network they work in. Like, are you fucking me? Do they know what security means? Jesus Wallace, wake up!
And they have a fucking "web security guy" working there. Doing what? Installing ccleaner on pcs? This shit gets me mad. And that's why I don't trust banks.

assholes will be assholes

1. Go to Github for you
2. Download the 'codes'
3. Send them as a pdf to you when the code is there in the repo.
4. Write you a step by step tutorial when there's a clear README.

YOU LAZY MOTHERFUKCER!

!dev

Just sold my car waaayyy under it’s worth just because I don’t have much time left to relocate.

And those fuck faces want me to pay half of THEIR transport costs..

The both of us just signed a fucking contract you morons.
Read the contracts you write before giving them to anyone.

Good for me that I did.

Fucking unfriendly assholes trying to rip people off twice in a row..

They make immigrants look bad just because those guys are fucking idiots..

They didn’t get another penny from me those cock suckers..

And now, a good evening too all of you.

Just8littlebyte out! *mic drop*

A rant partially inspired by our favorite angry German.

Are you fucking serious? Why the fuck even publish the stories to your fucking website if you're just going to beg me to download your shitty app?

Why don't you download yourself getting fucked by a chainsaw? Now THAT I'd download you fucking assholes.

Here we go....

At our school we had different industry people come in and talk about whatever they want to.

My last presenation for the day is on 3D modelling in Game Design, and of course we have middle school kids being generally loud and obnoxious.

Some fuckers are being exceptionally obnoxious, and the teachers decided, in their infinite FUCKING wisdom, to stick them in front of a table where Juniors and Seniors are sitting, minding our own buisness.

Of course, the fuckers decided to continue being obnoxious and despite my request to keep it down, and another Senior's direct approach to tell them to shut up, they continue being disruptive.

At one point, a teacher, again using INFINITE FUCKING WISDOM, decided that instead of removing the fuckers from the room, put a Senior in between them, hoping that that would somehow keep them quiet. Yes, the fucking preschool level attempt didn't work.

Eventually a teacher concluded that the fuckers were pissing us off and removed them from the room. Thank fuck.

That feels much better, excuse me as I need to reinstall an OS on my desktop since the Universe seems to fucking hate me today.

!Devrelated

Just another day , playing fortnite again . Got my wife frustrated over the past few days , once more today she pulled the plug while i was playing on my PC

I can't take it anymore guys , its so hard to get rid of it .

I mean the wife , yeah. Thank god for divorce . Just filed for divorce ! Yep , I didn't think it would be this hard but I found the one for meself and I'm not going to let her go .

Fortnite I mean.

Jus kiddin, But really what the hell is with all this fortnite divorce stuff..
You don't talk about addictions like weed , or alcohol that make people widow their wives or even kill them but somehow this is trending now and the game is the reason!

Fuck you world , for giving birth to humans. This feels like the fucking stone age damn it . Senseless fuckers spreading news like this undermining all the real fuckery going on.

A world where fortnite causing divorce is news and where drug addictions and related murders and deaths are too mainstream is just stupid.

There seems to be a lot of people protesting and coming together in support of net neutrality.

The rant here, where the fuck were all of you during the election? That was the time to come together and do something, now your efforts are futile.

What's worse, I'll wager net neutrality gets overturned and next election the same batch of assholes get voted in.

What can you actually do to solve the problem? Peer to peer internet similar to tor but fast enough to support considerable traffic. Platform needs to be like tor with encrypted decentralized DNS.

Start an ISP. This would also help.

Get cracking, smart people.

I've really struggled to make friends with people who code... and it's been absolutely frustrating. Does everyone in this industry have a god complex or something? Everyone I try to make friends with ends up being super narcissistic and self obsessed it's crazy. One of them wanted to be my mentor a while back, and we still talk occasionally, but after getting to know him I decided I didn't want to learn from him. It turns out he only mentors people to showboat his greatness and claim later that all their success is directly his doing. I decided I wasn't going to be one of those people and I only ever had 2 sessions from him. One of the best choices I've ever made. But I've found a lot of people who are programmers tend to be a lot like him. A lot of them I talk to will hit me up to brag about themselves or what they've done. But none ever ask what's been up with me or how my journey is doing? Is this just a normal thing in this industry or am I just meeting terrible people. It's made me appreciate my slightly dumber friends, cause at least they care about me and it shows.

More a rant than anything, but genuinely curious if anyone else has this issue... I'm starting my bootcamp soon and I'm hoping to make friends but I'm so concerned about this it's kind of giving me anxiety.

I fucking HATE people at stackoverflow that "edit" every single character or spacing issue they see that are not relevant. FUCKING STOP. why do you have to fucking touch it? for imaginary Internet points? WTF

Working with worthless arrogant assholes who don't belong anywhere near a team

Seriously these assholes just gave me shit over half a day and made me use vacation time for a client holiday recently when I work so many hours that family and sleep are a fading fucking reminder of a different life....

Seriously....fuck you

you have an intern working in your company, who came in for 3-4 months internship in September,with a notice in advance that he will take 1 month or more of leaves for exams in Nov-dec.

He reminds you in the beginning of October that he would be going on off due to a lot of college stuff happening on alternate days , starting November.

You and he come up to an agreement that its best to free him from his role in october end and he may join gain when he is done with his college work and could come back fulltime

He works full time in September-October with dedication, leaves with complete reports and submitting his code in November.

NOW DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING RIGHT TO HALT MY SALARY FROM OCTOBER?

YOUR FUCKING HRs HAVE BEEN IGNORING HALF OF MY CALLS AND GIVING LAME EXCUSES IN OTHER HALF.

I WAS NOT A FULL TIME EMPLOYEE YOU ASSHOLES, AND YET I FOLLOWED ALL YOUR STUPID RULES REGARDING NOTICE PERIOD AND STUFF! GIMME MY MONEY :/

*turns on the TV*
*pop-up blows up in my face: "you have a new message"*
Me: ??
*confusingly presses "View"*
Msg: *Do you know why *some random shit show of a movie* is the most viewed? You can rent it in our video store*

YOU MOTHER FUCKING BRAINLESS ASSHOLES!!! I'M PAYING FOR THAT FUCKING SUBSCRIPTION! MY FUCKING MONEY!! MINE! WHICH I CHOSE TO GIVE TO YOU FOR A VERY SPECIFIC SERVICE!! DO NOT PUSH YOUR BRAINDEAD, GREEDY BULLSHIT ON ME!!! IF I'LL WANT TO WATCH A GOOD MOVIE I'LL FIND IT MY SELF! YOU ARE TO FUCKING RETARDED TO TELL WHAT A GOOD MOVIE IS!!!
GOD DAMN ADS PUSHING SHIT HEADED PEASANTS!!

Yeah these fucking assholes lost a 300 pound gaming chair at my local depot for 3 weeks where I eventually got a refund from Amazon. I ordered a USB desk fan for the heat off ebay, yeah these fucking cunts delivered it to my workplace at 9pm.

Guess who is building my companies new ecommerce platform, where I am currently integrating the shipping options. Fuck off Yodel.

That tiny *snap* in the temple of the head when you're enjoying yourself and suddenly you got disconnected from the internet,

*surge of violent tendencies
*furiously inhale
*angrily exhale
*muffled swearing in my mind

Long story short, the internet at my boarding house is fucking shitty due to lack of management's effort to fix it

tldr: maintainers can be assholes

So there's this python package+cli tool that I found interesting while browsing github and thought of contributing to it. Now this repo has around 2000 issues and multiple open PRs so seemed like a good start.

So i submit 2 PRs implementing similar features on different sites (it is a scraping repo). This douche of a maintainer marks comments various errors in the code convention not being followed without specifying what they actually were. Now I had specified that i was new to this repo so and would need his help (I guess this is one of the jobs of the reviewer). This piece of shit comments changes in the pr with one or two word sentences like "again", "wtf" and occasionally psycopathic replies. That son of a bitch can't tell what's wrong like wtf dude, instead of having a long discussion over the comments section of the fucking pr why can't you just point out what exactly is wrong and I'll happily fix that shit, but no, you have to be a douche about out it and employ sarcasm. Well FUCK YOU TOO.

Dealing with garbage js framework devs who use hundreds of fixed width CSS values in a dynamic page

Wtf java.. You can't just fucking make java paid.. This is not acceptable assholes. Although I don't use java now for many good reasons. But I always had respect for it. And I used to use it.

This fucking weather. Oh this fucking weather. Neither can you go out, nor can you code. WHY THE FUCK WAS I BORN TO BURN IN THE TROPICS?

Feels like among all the assholes, the Sun likes to screw me the most.
FUUUUCCCCCCKKKKK THIS SHIT. FUCK IT.

FUCK YOU SUN FUCK OFFFFFFFF!! TAKE SOME LIME JUICE AND FUCK YOU BEFORE THE WINTER ARRIVES.

How to handle fucking management assholes playing politics in office. Always there to take credit of the job they haven't done.
Really pissed off !!!

What the fuck is wrong with these kind of people?!
So I recently appeared for an android dev job interview in a start-up; the whole time the interviewer (he was the CTO) looked super excited and into my work. I am a fresh graduate with 0 experience in a professional working environment but have a history of a couple of successful apps on the play store since 3 years. The entire time we discussed future plans for the startup and how I was going to contribute towards it. He seemed very interested in my deep learning projects for android and wanted to have similar projects for his products. In the end, he asked me to develop some 'test' projects that can be integrated into his start-up products and told me he'll hire me if he finds it to be as per his need. So I worked on these 'projects' for a month and submitted it to him. He replied that he's impressed with them and will contact me shortly to confirm my job.
That fucker has been ignoring me ever since. He's not responding to any of my e-mails or messages. I feel like a shit right now. How to deal with these assholes?

Don't work for assholes.

My main mailbox is so full of spam i almost missed a good job test. Wtf
And these mails are so fucking irrelevant loan, cars, bank, life insurances... I DON'T FUCKING CARE ABOUT THEM, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FILLING MY MAILBOX YOU ASSHOLES 😠😠😠

and what's even more weird is how they all have one common sentence in exact formatting : "you can simply WIPE Out your mail from the mailing list".

I feel as if my email has been hacked. Any suggestions?

A course at university made us program a chat server and client with Java RPC (in the days where there was no such thing as stack overflow), without ever teaching us anything about coding.

The grading was based on unit tests executed on a Server the university provided.
The server was down or overloaded most of the time and one could only try to deploy at most 3 times...
There were heuristics in place to find duplicate solutions.

... I have to say, that course took me from "hello world" to developer within a couple of months. Thanks assholes!! :D

Friday afternoon, the week's work is finished, and I'm ahead of schedule.
An email arrives for another project.. "URGENT yaddayadda". The dickheads where it came from have taken weeks to react, and now it's urgent. Yeah, fuck you assholes, ideally with a smoothing iron.
On the upside, I'm not addressed directly, and that project isn't my task. But boss could make it mine in no time, and I think he would.
I don't even open the email, nobody has seen it anyway yet, AND I GO HOME! :-)

Fucking Apple locked my email again....
'Oh, we have no idea why this keeps happening'
Assholes... You'd think locking someone's account twice within a week without knowing why would be unacceptable, but they just act like it's business as usual..

Apple used to care about its customers, now what? They think they're too big to care anymore? Why don't you go shove your new icrap up your asshole cook!

This is a personal rant, not a devRant. BUT ITS STILL A FUCKING RANT.

Anyways, I don't have a lot of friends. In fact, only one. That one friend used to pull of his moods on me, and I was more or less okay with that. When he was in a bad mood, I didn't annoy him too much. However, I expect the same from him.

Today he really triggered me badly, and at some point he knew he should just leave me alone. We were in a LoL lobby, and went into the Discord where I could hear how he is dragging me down, saying I'm an asshole etc. As a result of that, I left the lobby, and heard him say more bullshit. Then he talked about how he left at another server, since they were assholes and excluded them.

At was at that point were they deafed me. Meaning, I couldn't hear nor what they were saying or speak for myself. What is this bullshit? I mean, if your fucking best friend does this shit to you, how can you have faith or trust anybody else? It's just really fucked up, and fucking bullshit, and like the only place where I can vent off is here.

What a fucking piece of shit. And I keep forgiving him.

More like a colleague more than a client, but it doesn't really matter.. They're the same shit,aren't they?

Dude, when you ask for something on Sunday, and spend the day plus Monday and Tuesday not returning my calls or emails... You can go fuck yourself with a huge unicorn's dick. I already moved on to more important shit to do and now you're going to wait until I'm fucking done.

Fucking assholes.

no matter what fucking framework you use, or what shitty thing you build with your stupid framework, if you don't have a sound knowledge of Javascript, you are just a FUCKING ASSHOLE AND A DUMB SCAMMER. YOU WOULD BE USELESS AND JOBLESS IF NOT FOR THE ASSHOLES WHO HELPED YOUR HOPELESS LAZY LIFE

There are 2 types of people that I can't stand:

- Designers who thinks they can do the front-end as they use Photoshop

- Programmers that thinks the front-end is easy enough as put random bootstrap columns everywhere

Then when something doesn't work, they blame the front-end developer.

Try to communicate more, assholes, and do your job.

#require "A rant from a few days ago in which some guy actually did this";;

Current fantasy: I wish the two assholes sitting at the table next to mine in the cafe and being super loud and obnoxious were discussing a business idea so that I could buy their domain name and put a large "eat a bag of dicks" type picture on it.

To my dear friends complaining about GDPR, if companies providing free services in exchange for users data didn't fuck up completely, there wouldn't be any GDPR. In history, regulations always come after people fuck ups, uncle Bob has some nice talks about that.

I fucking hate printers. And printers hate me too.

I've been working as a software engineer for almost seven years now, and not a single day as a printer technician, which does not stop my mother from calling me each time a printer breaks down, as she did today. I hop over to her place, the printer is connected via usb into the ethernet socket, but she swears it's been printing an hour ago, and she hasn't moved a thing. - "weird", I think, "it must be connected wirelessly". Suddenly my sister, who's an Arts major, comes over, saying her printer broke down too - "cool so they're both wifi printers". I reset the router and my sister's printer springs back to life.

But my mom's printer, which is old and in bad shape (the printer, not my mom! assholes...), doesn't. It keeps on displaying a weird error message, and fails to receive any print job, whether wired or wireless.

I spent 15 seconds resetting the router, and 15 minutes troubleshooting mom's printer. Nothing worked.
I finally give up and leave the house.

Not a minute goes by and I receive a "your sister fixed the printer" text from mom.

I fucking hate printers.