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Search - "assholes"
Why do shithead clients think they can walk away without paying us once we deliver the project !!!
So, here goes nothing..
Got an online gig to create a dashboard.
Since i had to deal with a lot of shitheads in the past, I told them my rules were simple, 20% advance, 40% on 50% completion and 40% after i complete and send them proof of completion. Once i receive the payment in full, only then i will hand over the code.
They said it was fine and paid 20%.
I got the next 40% also without any effort but they said they also needed me to deploy the code on their AWS account, and they were ready to pay extra for it, so i agreed.
I complete the whole project and sent them the screenshots, asking for the remaining 40% payment. They rejected the request saying my work was not complete as i had not deployed on AWS yet. After a couple of more such exchanges, i agreed to setup their account before the payment. But i could sense something fishy, so i did everything on their AWS account, except registered the domain from my account and set up everything. Once i inform them that its done and ask for the remaining payment.
The reply i got was LOL.
I tried to login to the AWS account, only to find password had been changed.
Database access revoked.
Even my admin account on the app had been removed. Thinking that they have been successful, they even published ads about thier NEW dashboard to their customers.
I sent them a final mail with warning ending with a middle finger emoji. 24 hours later,
I created a github page with the text " This website has been siezed by the government as the owner is found accused in fraud" and redirected the domain to it. Got an apology mail from them 2 hours later begging me to restore the website. i asked for an extra 10% penalty apart from the remaining payment. After i got paid, set an auto-reply of LOL to thier emails and chilled for a week before restoring the domain back to normal.
Dev : 1
Shithead Client: 025
#3 Worst thing I've seen a co-worker do?
A 20-something dev, 'A', back in the early days of twitter+facebook would post all his extracurricular activities (drinking, partying, normal young-buck stuff). The dev mgr, 'J', at the time took offense because he felt 'A' was making the company look bad, so 'A' had a target on his back. Nothing 'A' did was good enough and, for example, 'J' had the source control czars review 'A's code to 'review' (aka = find anything wrong). Not sorting the 'using' statements, and extra line after the closing }, petty things like that. For those curious, orders followed+carried out by+led by 'T' in my previous rant.
As time went on and 'T' finding more and more 'wrong' with A's code, 'J' put A on disciplinary probation. 'A' had 90 days to turn himself around, or else.
A bright spot was 'A' was working on a Delphi -> C# conversion, so a lot of the code would be green-field development and by simply following the "standards", 'A' would be fine...so he thought.
About 2 weeks into the probation, 'A' was called into the J's office and berated because the conversion project was behind schedule, and if he didn't get the project back on track, 'A' wouldn't make it 30 days. I sat behind 'A' and he unloaded on me.
<'A' slams his phone on his desk>
Me: "Whoa...whats up?"
A: "Dude, I fucking hate this place, did you hear what they did?"
<I said no, then I think we spent an hour talking about it>
Me: "That all sucks. Don't worry about the code. Nobody cares what T thinks. Its not even your fault the project is behind, the DBAs are tasked with upgrades and it's not like anyone is waiting on you. It'll get done when it's done. Sounds like a witch hunt, what did you do? Be honest."
A: "Well, um...I kinda called out J, T, and those other assholes on facebook. I was drunk, pissed, and ...well...here we are."
Me: "Geez, what a bunch of whiney snowflakes. Keep your head down and you'll get thru it, or don't. Its not like you couldn't find another job tomorrow."
A: "This is my first job out of college and I don't want to disappoint my dad by quitting. I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing. All J told me was to get better. What the fuk does that even mean?"
Me: "He didn't give you any goals? Crap, for someone who is a stickler for the rules, that's low, even for J."
Fast forward 2 weeks, I was attending MS TechEd and I was with another dev mgr, R.
R: "Did you hear? We had to let 'A' go today."
Me: "What the hell? Why?"
R: "He couldn't cut it, so we had to let him go."
Me: "Cut what? What did he do, specifically?"
R: "I don't know, 'A' was on probation, I guess he didn't meet the goals."
Me: "You guess? We fire a developer working on a major upgrade and you guess? What were these so-called goals?"
R: "Whoa...you're getting a little fire up. I don't know, maybe not adhering to coding standards, not meeting deadlines?"
Me: "OMG...we fire people for not forming code? Are you serious!?"
R: "Oh...yea...that does sound odd when you put it that way. I wish I'd talk to you before we left on this trip"
Me: "What?! You knew they were firing him *before* we left? How long did you know this was happening?"
R: "Honestly, for a while. 'A' really wasn't a team player."
Me: "That's dirty, the whole thing is dirty. We've done some shitty things to people, but this is low, even for J. The probation process is meant to improve, not be used as a witch hunt. I don't like that you stood around and let it happen. You know better."
R: "Yea, you're right, but doesn't change anything. J wanted to do it while most of us were at the conference in case 'A' caused a scene."
Me: "THAT MAKES IT WORSE! 'A' was blindsided and you knew it. He had no one there that could defend him or anything."
R: "Crap, crap, crap...oh crap...jeez...J had this planned all along...crap....there is nothing I can do no...its too late."
Me: "Yes there is. If 'A' comes to you for a letter of recommendation, you write one. If someone calls for reference, you give him a good one."
R: "Yea..yea...crap...I feel like shit...I need to go back to the room and lie down."
As the sun sets, it rises again. Within a couple of weeks, 'A' had another job at a local university. Within a year, he was the department manager, and now he is a vice president (last time I checked) of a college in Kansas City, MO.13
me: "ah, my scraper is nearly done - just need some final tweaks"
coworker: "JuSt FrOm LoOkInG aT yOuR ScReEn A fEw TiMeS tOdAy, I cAn TeLl YoU iT wOnT wOrK"
me, infuriated by his idiot mentality but not trying to start anything: "ah, its fine, I've already scraped 3000+ entities"
coworker: "but it wont work."
me: "but... its working..."
coworker: "but it won't work."
sometimes its just better to just affirm the narcessistic assholes. make sure they are right.6
Being told I’m not experienced enough to get a senior dev job I interviewed for.
Even though I aced the first 4 interview rounds, the tech test feedback was “the best solution they had ever seen”, and I’ve been a senior dev for 25 years.
Time wasting assholes.3
Worst thing I've seen a co-worker do?
Its all relative, I've seen a lot of "worst's". Here's one of many I'll try to post.
A (married) DBA would often come to work drunk, starting fooling around with a couple of devs (which we suspect she had sought adventures outside the IT dept based on rumors), and ultimately got fired because she was caught sleeping at her desk (and she was drunk). One of her conquests told us she came from a very poor childhood and this was her first real high paying job. Abusive husband, being attractive herself, and being surrounded by other attractive, highly intelligent, single bucks (aka horny) that had no morals, equaled bad decisions.
She wasn't the worst, it was the assholes who took advantage of the situation that makes it in my top 10 worst things I've seen.8
Best co-worker quitting story?
"T" I've refereed to in previous rants knew he was close to being fired, so he jumped ship. 'T' sent the usual "I'll miss you guys" email to the department, except me (and a few others that didn't fall for his BS and not scared of him). His mistake was he sent the email out a day early (buddy forwarded me the email) and left the stuff (box of pics, books, etc) he planned on taking with him. One item in particular was a new company provided laptop bag, which technically wasn't his to keep (supposed to leave/turn-in any company provided equipment), so I grabbed the bag and hid it.
The next day I heard him slamming drawers (looking for the bag) and a loud cursing. Other devs peeking over the walls asking what's wrong.
Dev1: "Dude, what's up? Whatcha' looking for?"
T: "Nothing...fuck!...damn it...nothing...assholes...fucking assholes!"
Dev2: "Who's the ass? What's wrong?"
Dev3: "Need help looking for something?"
T: "No..no...nothing...I'm fine...making sure I don't forget anything."
'T' never found out who took the bag and I've had that laptop bag underneath my desk ever since.5
Back when I was an wee lad I interviewed for an startup, not knowing that startups are not real companies. The scumbag interviewer, who was also the owner of the outfit, asked me what I was looking in a company. I said "fair wages, a non-antagonic environment and projects with real roadmaps".
He asked me to elaborate. I said, "You know, if today your product is a sales platform, I do not want to come into work next week and discover it is now an air travel tickets marketplace, or come back the very next day and discover it is now an automated pizza factory, or in the next day and it is now a crypto exchange..."
The scumbag looked PISSED. "Sorry, but we are looking for someone who likes the challenges of a dynamic environment (read: we do not have a business model and we hate the very idea of trying to make money out of our company), and you do not fit the profile"
Startups are not real companies, i.e. they do not systematically charge money in exchange for goods or services in amounts that exceed the cost of providing said goods or services. Most startups are just tax fronts for money laundering schemes. The rest are just playthings for rich assholes who can't get a real output-producing job. Those two categories are not mutually exclusive.
Take Facebook, for example. The poster child of startups. The Zucker that owns it just announced they are setting impossible performance targets on purpose, not even attempting to hide the fact that it is just a way to lay off large quantities of employees without using the words "massive lay offs". Companies, real thin-margin, lots-of-regulation profit-driven companies do not do that. They are not some sort of "capitalist woke", real CEOs just know that if their companies largely miss performance targets on their tenure, purposely or not, next it will be their neck on the chopping block. Because they can be fired if the KPI charts say they suck. But the Zucker cannot be fired, not even after commanding their beanbag and tap beer offices to be heated exclusively by burning hundred dollar bills.
So the Zucker is not interested in performance. Not even in lay offs as expense cutting measures - investors are an infinite source of free money for startups. The Zucker just wants to project power, especially now that engineers are not so confident in the stability of they high-paying jobs.
So are irrelevant 500-souls-or-less self-aggrandizing startups. Their owners are there because it is in vogue to have a startup or ten. And will have that startup pivot to whatever sounds fancy that season. After all, only poor people care about things like EBITDA and profit margins repeatability - A.K.A. "getting more money".
Fuck you ios,storyboad,xibs,xcode. FUCK OFF!! YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES. Literally giving me migrane with your fucking ass constraints!! Fuck you xcode for not having a terminal. Ios is utterly bullshit. Has fucking all kind of devices that I have to set constraint. Fuck you macos. You are slower than a snail. How on earth do you take so much time to build!!
Width, height, constraints, my ass! What is this fucking logic bro. Fuck you apple for making so many device of different sizes and then hiring us to set constraints. Warning warning warning oh what a load of crap!
I would rather die than set your fucking ass constraints.6
I think the sleep deprived me is finally cracking under the weight of incompetent assholes.
We just launched a major project in some weird cocktail of Agile slapped with MVP and release to the wild in a waterfall, but it was premature, premature in the sense QA hasn't even finished their side of things, but because some fuck with with "manager" in their title decided they have burnt through the budget with incompetence and scrapped an entire element of the project and outsourced just so they could make a shittier version that doesn't even fucking work.
How hard do you want to fail before you will start listening to the people that now have to work around the fucking clock to clean up this horse shit of a mess.
I'm literally arguing over field mapping with multiple 3rd parties, when the fucking requirements state WTF this is suppose to look like. All because they didn't validate or test their own shit.
Why is EVERY FUCKING cock head in this industry a waste of space and cash! Is it really to much to ask for 1 fucking project to fucking go live that actually fucking works where I don't need to work 2 weeks straight (including weekends) after going live just to be sure that what shit does hit the fan isn't going to create a SEV 1 issue...
Sorry, I'm pissed at the incompetence of others I need to deal with on a daily basis. It's not like this field is insanely hard. A little attention to detail and self validation, verification goes a long way. But clearly that's a rarity.
Once this shit is stable and actually works, I'll be pulling out the mop to clean up half this shit just so it actually works.
Oof, I'm getting to old for this bullshit.4
If I had to name one attribute that dominates the software engineering ecosystem, it would be “arrogance” especially among young programmers. I think software engineering would be a much better place to work if people were more empathetic than being ginormous assholes trying to have a leg up over all their peers. Collaboration is much more rewarding than competition. It feeds your soul and feels a lot more natural.
Collaboration over Competition.
Have a peaceful day at work guys!5
good bosses - hell yes
ive had a few. the relaxed, understand reality, not corporate sucking shills.
1 in fast food working midnights. great guy. loved musik. would break the rules when it made sense so we could get some r&r.
2nd in tech, first big boy job. i remember one of the first weeks i put in my 'honest' hours and he got asked about it. he just said 'ya just, fill out 40, no big deal' B) was always ok with us doing w/ (a lot of ppl lived close by) as long as we got our work done. great guy
3rd, not really my 'boss' but he should have been since he knew wtf was going on and basically spoon fed our non-boss boss that just wanted to look good. was pretty much the only guy on my direct team that would get shit done when i was pulling all the weight.
ive had a few other decent ones. some skummy ones, legit swindlers, assholes, corporate fuck heads, use and lose abusers. but im glad for the good bosses. chill, dont take things too seriously, good at what you do.
Refinement? Let's do some planning. Review? Planning! Planning? Planning!!1
Why the fuck is every team meeting A FUCKING PLANNING SESSION WITH STAKEHOLDERS!!1 KEEP THOSE ASSHOLES OUT! AAGh fucking useless product owners!1
yet another big company who fuks everything up by locking accts without a fone they recognize as a fukin fone
wE CaNnOt uSe tHaT PhOnE NuMbEr
go fuk yourself
quit ruining systems by DEMANDING they are linked to something and then fuking everything not in some finite condition. "oh its for spam" - bs. "oh well there was unusual activity" - dont care you just lock shit out and that means support too you assholes. "wE CaNnOt uSe tHaT PhOnE NuMbErjUsT GeT A FoNe" - go fuk yourself you idiotic piece of shit.
sry, it's 2022, voip is a thing. go to hell3
I fucking hate my job
Man it’s been a year now freelancing and just working like a dog day and night for a scammy dating app and I just wanna shoot myself in the face at this point. Just another horrible day after the other dealing with a bunch of assholes.3
My fucking lazy-ass coworkers haven’t made meaningful progress on anything for months. I’m brought in as the tech lead and these stupid fucks didn’t work on any meaningful shit for literal months. Their manager was asleep at the wheel and their old tech leads apparently need months to make a couple of minor database changes.
So I’m brought in to fix it, and… surprise! They’re still lazy pedantic assholes. And they’re shocked - shocked - that people expect them to start completing a project or two per quarter. Like these dense motherfuckers thought that they could be the most annoying pedants this world has ever seen, and also do no work.
I could have done their whole 5 month project myself in a month. No joke. It’s incredibly simple. But somehow the overhead of coordinating people who A. don’t work very hard and B. assume that every ticket needs special attention and 6 hours of ponderous thought has eaten into the time we have.
I don’t respect them in the slightest. They’re such shitty developers. Whoever signed off on their hire was fucking high.6
Why do companies waste serious cash in office parties? I'm talking about those hundred-thousand-dollar extravaganzas that major tech companies seem to be addicted to.
Poll after poll finds that most employees would rather have the cash, so "kissing the collective asses of tech staff so that they won't leave" is not an explanation that holds up.
The "Roman Triumph" explanation also does not make any sense. If rich assholes want to flex their immeasurable riches, why would they invite mere mortals that do not put a lot of effort in being famous or pretty? Couldn't they invite the entire Victoria's Secret catalogue of models and the NE Patriots? Surely it would make for much more impressive photos of decadence.
The "Michael Scott" explanation also falls short. Companies spend serious cash on consultants and professional party planners, that are sure to know a lot of people. Money can and often does buy personality, so no rich asshole is ever a party dud.
Why else do they force most of their own staff into what they perceive as a "do not relax or you may get fired" loud and poorly lit meeting that takes hours to dress up for? What am I missing?5
"This question is off-topic. It is not currently accepting answers." (not my question, but by a newbie who, for some reason I will never find out, tried to use an outdated Ubuntu version)
Seen that bullshit so many times.
If you don't have a minute to ask a question to a new contributor, but you do have the time to downvote or close questions, do you really think you are doing the community a favour?
I see that AskUbuntu is not a little bit better than StackOverflow. I will just shut up and leave the assholes alone then they can tell the newbies that they're not welcome on any StackExchange and that's it.2
Should I just be a silly stupid evil selfish reckless bastard who is engages in wholesale rapine and doesn’t care about anything or make any rational or reasonable commentary on our system or any intelligent reasoning ?
Just remain curious
Seems to work for the garbage who should be getting punished and do everything to encourage their own punishment
And wtf is that about ?
How can people who deserve it profit by this ?
Don't work with time, work with target, my father taught me that. It seems similar to don't stop when you are tired but when you are done!!!
Well that helped me when I started my dev career but over the years I had to be wise how I apply the rule so I don't have assholes sucking life out of me in disguise.1
What do I have to do to convince you people to bring the 21st century to the current year and just explain the gap in time as "we all fucked up and an elite subclass of assholes hid everything and convinced morons like us to delete things and turn other things over to them" ?
Don't any of you things care about being erased ?
Also a "sorry john we're bastards and we will hand over all your older photos and all government facility footage of you etc so you can at least look back with pride at something" would be nice.
and 'we'll also admit that we are the psychologically deranged ones'
and 'how about a free blowjob from my younger 20 something large breasted sister ?'
these would be life affirming exchanges.
and also "sorry for pretending to be you and likely doing fucked up things I should be shot for"
and also "you were right we were wrong the idea of just deleting a portion of time and repeating half of it drove everyone crazy and you were correct in all your assessments to the point where your capacity to asses psychologically was damaged by it being paired with extreme trauma because you don't want to understand our ridiculously nonsensical cruel asshole selves"
this would be progress.
instead it seems to be
'heee heee we're destroying everything and not heeding the warnings around us in these decrepit old monkeys that used to be just like us.. oh shit we're fucked now. how do we get out of this ? omg we never will ! waaaaaaaaa'
could't you all jump off a cliff like a bunch of lemmings ?
the world would be a better place :)
and it would be all the more air for me :)6
Tell you what happened to me last time. I went to this fucking job and it lasted the length of orientation just because they're assholes. Just like the assholes.modfied my work schedule by half and hour so I have to leave an hour earlier. Mother fuckers. Give me my goddamn earlier items back and go to hell early !
Imma make things out of them that they sell and feed orphans with them ! Oh and haha exactly 360 rants this morning !
Just bitched out the same customer service woman telling her I wish her and everyone like her would just die so I wouldn't have to waste another day recovering my own goddamn property i keep double paying for.
I'm sick of having to buy the same movies and games just so some butt sniffing pederast can have a pay check.
speaking of pederasts, table 2 just showed up. more assholes with potential copies in the same places. while two creepers i could also photograph sit behind me for some reason.
so sick of repetition.
and you fucking cunts wouldn't even need to be bothered with this if you hadnt stolen soooo much of my time without adequate recompense.
not that i'd of course agreed to this insanity.
but these people should have to suffer AND pay us.2
man, reading the lazy ass excuses (pretty much just "fu no") gtk folks have for not introducing features or making imporvements is really deterring...like i wana find something else.
goddamn it just give us the high performance phone assholes we've been fucking through this already multiple times fix your goddamn site !2