*Releases software for State project comprising of a solution with 3 WinServices and 2 WCF Services*

*Literally 15 min after release*

Email from State: "Here is an updated wsdl schema that is going literally fuck up everything you have released, enjoy!"

Me: *starts convulsing*

Getting pattern transparency tattooed on my forearm god damn you Erlang

I had a fun one for one of myself but then I heard a "technical architect" at my company used the same login and password for a project's production and development databases.

I then had to deal with the crisis of a new dev on that project blowing the entire production database to smithereens because of said decision.

Nothing like changing state contract ws-security polices to make your eyes bleed and your brain melt with symmetric encryption binding in WCF services

Me: I wanna feel dangerous today

* starts to type rm -rf in root *

Barista at the coffee shop I go to every morning said he liked my "Emo Hello Kitty" sticker today

merge conflict on release

Can I blame Trump that my handwriting recognition engine is only predicting at 80%?

Building custom software for a State project and there's nothing better than dealing with the bureaucracy of emailing 1500 people only for them to email 1200 people when if you could just sit down with one of their programmers the issue would be solved in 20 minutes.

Stepping in and over Visual Studio

I would rather feel the sweet kiss of death than ever have to set up automated mobile testing with Appium

When you just want to do a simple "brew install apache-flink" and you come to find out the sad realization that your Xcode is outdated and it's either going to be 100 years to update it or delete the godforsaken app altogether (only takes about 50 years)

Me: I want to deploy a simple WCF Service in a Docker container on Windows Server....

Docker Whale: nah bro....

Me: but but but you have been working with Windows for about a year this should be a simple simple task

Docker Whale: here let me your IP address every time so you can't ping locally or guess what I'm going to next.

A Docker build times out and returns "unknown blob"

Watching CI builds run your tests and then deploy the passed version to thousands of users....oh, and the free hardware :)

Son of a bitch, Docker, just run my container - I'm tired of your sass.

Fun game: How many nested Docker containers can I run without my VM blowing up

Not really a rant, more a proud of myself moment but the custom IVR software I built is now getting 20k calls a day and hasn't broken........

........yet

Getting your automated testing scripts to work every time your Jenkins/Docker container builds for the first time is the best feeling on a Friday

Fixing a massive SQL sproc and I know now if someone ever gave me a 2500 line function I'd slap them in the face.

Naturally Monday starts out with node: command not found

I feel like the Jenkins logo is just trolling me when this happens 5 minutes before the end of the day on a 3 hour build.....I hate you sir.

Continually continuing my continuous integration

New iOS10 has a nudge to sleep option which will be great for me when I'm strung out at 3am trying to debug

PM: "We would like our automated testing / continuous integration in AWS"

Me: *Army crawling towards Jenkins with my last dying breath*

The day I need to text you with emoji replacement will be the day I cut off my own hands

Homebrew really hating upgrading SciPy to python3

Learning neural network algorithms and feeling very accomplished........

.......then checks out OpenCV and flips desk.

Don't know if anyone else saw this on Twitter but this is actual text from Apple's updated app submission guidelines lol

Starts using Rust for the first time..........