243
spunky
5y

WHY THE FUCKIDY FUCK DO PEOPLE THINK THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A DEVELOPER THEN YOU CAN DO EVERY FUCKING THING IN A SNAP?!

THIS ENTIRE SUMMER I WORKED FOR THIS MIDGET OF A FUCK AND THE IDEA WAS TO MAINLY DEVELOP AN IOS APP FOR THEIR PRODUCT. THAT ONE APP TRANSLATED TO THREE SEPARATE APPS AND KEEP IN MIND THAT I AM THE ONLY DEVELOPER THEY HAVE SO I HAVE TO DEVELOP IT, TEST IT AND DOCUMENT IT!! AND WHAT'S EVEN WORSE IS HE KEEPS GIVING ME DESIGNS AT THE LAST MINUTE SO I ALWAYS END UP HAVING TO CREATE NEW PROJECTS ALL THE TIME. WHEN A WEEK PASSES BY WITHOUT ANY UPDATE HE AND HIS FUCKED UP BRAIN CELLS GATHER A MEETING WITH HIS 'DONALD TRUMP HANDS-SIZED' BALLS TO ASK ME, 'WHY ARE YOU TAKING SO LONG? THESE ARE JUST THREE BUTTONS ON THIS VIEW?' MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKER!! GO GET YOUR MOM TO DO THIS WORK THEN IF IT'S JUST THREE BUTTONS. TO HIM EVERYTHING IN IOS WHICH INCORPORATES A TAP IS A FUCKING BUTTON! BUTTON THIS! BUTTON THAT! AND IT'S NOT LIKE HE HAS SIMPLE DESIGNS..NO.NO.NO.NO. THIS ASSHOLE-SHAPED-HEAD MUGGET DESIGNS SHIT WHICH REQUIRES ME TO HAVE TO DRAW A UIVIEW AS THE SHAPE OF A HUMAN BODY AND HEART. THEN ASIDE FROM THAT, JUST BECAUSE MY RESUME SAYS I MINORED IN MATH AND APPLIED MATH, HE SENDS ME A PAPER THAT EXPLAINS MATHEMATICAL CONCEPTS OF DATA ANALYSIS THEN WANTS TO MEET WITH ME TO DISCUSS THE SUGGESTED METHODS THEN IMPLEMENT THEM. AT THIS POINT I HAD ALREADY IMPLEMENTED AN ALGO FOR COUNTING THE NUMBER OF STEPS THAT WAS WAY WAY WAY MORE ACCURATE THAN THE SHIT THEY HAD IN THEIR CONTROLLER..

SO AS I AM ABOUT TO FINISH IMPLEMENTING JUST THE INITIAL 5 VIEWS OF THIS 'FINAL' APP, HE SERIOUSLY WALKS IN AND TELLS ME, SO I'M STARTING TO WORRY THAT WE'LL NOT MEET THE AUGUST DEADLINE SO I'M THINKING MAYBE YOU SHOULD START SWITCHING BETWEEN DEVELOPMENT. WORK ON IOS FOR 4 HOURS THEN SWITCH TO ANDROID FOR THE REMAINDER OF THE TIME. OH AND UHH IF YOU FEEL LIKE TAKING THE IMAC WITH YOU TO WORK FROM HOME, THAT'S FINE AS WELL AND I'LL BE AVAILABLE IN THE WEEKENDS AS WELL. IT WAS AT THIS MOMENT THAT I REALLY REALLY HOPED I WERE GAY! LIKE 'NO LUBE' STYLE KINDA GAY!! OH BTW AT SOME POINT HE HAD ME PROGRAM ONE OF THEIR CONTROLLERS, AND WAS ASKING IF I COULD START RESEARCHING MEANS OF WRITING AN SDK FOR THEM.

KEEP IN MIND THAT I'M AN INTERN WITH ONE YEAR IOS DEV EXPERIENCE.. THEN HE WANTS ME TO ENTIRELY START LEARNING ANDROID AND GIVE HIM TWO VERSIONS OF THIS THIRD APP IN TWO WEEKS.

HE CAN GO SUCK HIS OWN DICK WHILE GETTING FINGER FUCKED BY A FORK WITH A BLUE WHALE'S 6FT LONG DICK UP HIS MOUTH.

*** that felt good ****

Comments
  • 27
    dude, use some framework or it will trigger you a heartattack.
  • 22
    Love this rant. πŸ‘
  • 47
    Now THIS is a rant!

    Thank you!!!
  • 50
    It's in all caps. This is serious guys
  • 25
    *slow clap*
  • 18
    I would buy you a stressball to throw at his mother f*ing face...
  • 2
    @spunky educate your boss about Hofstadter's Law.
  • 9
    Gave you an upvote for the struggle
  • 5
    Use a cross platform framework bro I'm sure they don't need totally native apps and user experience and shitt!
  • 3
    Nothing is worth getting this angry about. If you are an intern they are probably not paying you enough. I would have walked out at take the iMac home.
  • 6
    Woah, where did you buy that caps lock, it's extremely effective! πŸ˜‰
  • 4
  • 6
    I literally laugh out loud in the train @ no lube style kinda gay. you're hilarious. thanks for the share. Haven laugh this loud in public for quite some time now.
  • 1
    git commit -m "initial"
    rails g scaffold best_fucking_app
    git add .
    git commit -m "completed"
    git push heroku master

    App is now live
  • 8
    *give this poor soul a stress ball*
  • 4
    TIME TO LEAVE THE MOTHER FUCKING COMPANY MATE!!!
  • 6
    Now that's a rant. Been there, mate. Next time, make them sign the requirements with all the milestones clearly defined. And they will have to sign out and deliver your fund for each milestone you reach. And don't EVER agree to go off scope or to help on side projects... Then it becomes a slippery slope.
  • 0
    Why can you not +10? !!!
  • 6
    Get a cross platform framework, it will save you a headache.
    But dude don't get too angry over this, if you're unhappy and this internship wouldn't give you any benefits (or damages) to you or your cv, then it's better to leave - no point stressing yourself like this.
    Unfortunately there are lots of fuckers and companies like this out in the wild =/
  • 0
    @spunky ear @beefo-11 over here!

    These are great advices!!
  • 1
    get out of there ...
  • 3
    Unexpected Error: Caps overflow
  • 1
    what are you STILL doing at that company dude
  • 0
    You know he's right....we feel you
  • 2
    You know its LEGENDARY when...It starts with all capsπŸ™ˆ
  • 3
    Get spunky a devRant stress ball!
  • 4
    So guys I'm either about to get fired, quit or not have to do the Android stuff. Will keep you guys posted.πŸ™
  • 1
    @spunky Very curious to see how it goes.
  • 2
    Hello yes this is fuckity fuck
  • 0
    damn! you know how to rantπŸ˜‚
    All the best
  • 1
    when someone asking why it takes so long I slow down and charge the double. then they are happy pay me more for less work. ☺
  • 0
    @iakar with the Mac no less.
  • 0
    Give this man a stress ball
  • 0
    218 ++, have a stress ball
  • 0
    SOMBODY GIVE HIM THE STRESS BALL!
  • 1
    //Alright, wait.

    for (int c = 0; c < lblRant.Length; c++;)
    {
    lblRant.Text[c] = lblRant.Text[c].ToLower();
    }

    // Much better. Now I can actually read.
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