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boombodies
3y

Manager: I read an article today

Dev: oh here we go….

Manager: We must pivot to only functional programming, which means only using functions instead of classes

Dev: Actually functional programming is a bit more nuanced tha—

Manager: Any use of classes going forward is not allowed. Everything must use functions! Classes are an outdated way of programming, using classes is why we continue to miss our deadlines. Functional programming is lean, classes are waterfall.

Dev: What about the libraries we use? Many of those use classes

Manager: Wrap them in a function then, that way they are pure which is one of the requirements of functional programming. You would know that if you spent as much personal time as I do keeping up with the times.

rant

functional programming

lean and mean

garbage collection

classes
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  • 18
    3y
    What in the name of fuck is this manager? He fucking MUST read 30 books about FP as a punishment for this bullshit. No, it's more like of a blessing than punishment. 100 books! I wanna see red pupils on this braindead.
  • 3
    3y
    where? india?
  • 7
    3y
    I suck at OOP and I still see how stupid this mandate is.
  • 15
    3y
    to what extent is this story real?
  • 22
    3y
    The real question is more like:
    Since when your manager (the concept of having those is already weird, we don't) have anything to say about how you code ? If it's the case, yeah time to make your cv again my dude
  • 8
    3y
    This is so absolutely cursed. And I say that as a functional programmer.
  • 8
    3y
    Are you writing a dilbert strip?
  • 14
    3y
    Your manager is the reason why you keep missing the deadlines
  • 3
    3y
    He probably knows about functional programming after spending an hr learning it in codecademy
  • 1
    3y
    Tell our manager you need to retrain all your devs to learn ASP :D
  • 1
    3y
    When i was in school some folks where saying: "Use OPP everywhere, OPP is the modern and right way of doing it, don't use much procedural/functional code, ....."
  • 3
    3y
    @happygimp0 me too. But this was from the same people who told me Turbo Pascal would play an important role in my world.
  • 2
    3y
    hahaha this one made me physically lol in real life. love the 'garbage collection' tag... wonder who you could be referring to...? 😂
  • 3
    3y
    No words
  • 1
    3y
    "Jesus fuck, Jake! Business insider is not a real source of coding knowledge, you dumb ass!"
  • 10
    3y
    I don't get why people don't just comply with stupid requests while giving realistic estimates.

    "Okay bossman. We don't understand this decision, but your word is our bible and the team will start with this task right away. Our current estimate is at around 3 years, give or take. Implementation of other features will not be possible in the meantime, because the core architecture will be worked on. We are waiting for your OK."

    Aaand you're done.

    "What do you mean, three years, I thought more like two afternoons will suffice? /confusedpikachu"
  • 0
    3y
    What garbage add hole would go backwards to what sounds like ducking pascal ?
  • 0
    3y
    @Maer nope days in days do a full paradigm shift or I’ll hire someone who tells me the same thing !
  • 0
    3y
    @ojt-rant lol that’s what I was thinking lol
  • 1
    3y
    @Maer This is the way.
  • 0
    3y
    @Maer I agree, your idea is the best we have here. They’ll have to come close to rebuilding the entire thing with his new favorite functional approach, sounds humanly impossible to get done quickly. Even with the best of the best. And during that time he may have a new approach...you’d think this manager would at least have business sense in spite of lacking tech expertise. I’m amazed his company still has him around
  • 1
    3y
    @ojt-rant At the time i was in school it was Java. Which also fits the OOP-narrative because everything has to be inside a class in Java.
  • 0
    3y
    I remember from last time that f# looked interesting but then it turned out sucking because no one uses it lol

    So nothing is written for it
  • 0
    3y
    So does the mgr know about this thing called data that classes are so good at linking with functionality ?
  • 1
    3y
    Explain it in a way laymen understand how dumb this is:

    Manager: I read article how much better hand crafted is it's just more love than machined and it really sells! So real craftsmen only use their hands not tools!

    Craftsman: that's not how "hand crafted" wor-

    Manager: From now no machines no tools allowed, just your bare hands!

    Craftsman: What about these designs? The details are smaller than my fingers.

    Manager: ok you can also use your teeth. Haven't you read anything about artist who don't have arms. Read some more about your craft.
  • 1
    3y
    This is what happens when people subscribe to some childish tutorial online and call themselves developer. Don't miss to roast your manager online when you leave job
  • 2
    3y
    Soon to be seen developer position from this manager:

    Job:
    Functional Developer Expert (ASAP).

    - Will able to recode outdated classes style to functional style.

    - Able to convert classes into function.

    - Meeting managerial standards of functional programming.

    - Will report to manager for any enlightenment in functional programming know-how.
  • 0
    3y
    Ask them for a link to the article. Send them a link back to the website of a Computer Science programme, where you learned about many more paradigms than just OOP or FP.

    Or just dig through the article and annotate it with comments wherever the article states bullshit as if it were factual. Link to articles that actually discuss benefits and downsides of FP wrt OOP. Especially link to books about migration to FP from OOP. Or refactoring in general and the cost of it (especially the operational/business cost).

    Oh and after you make your point, which should be that they need better education before trying to make decisions they don't know shit about, cc all this to their manager.
  • 0
    3y
    Welp, time to find a new job!
  • 1
    3y
    I'd need a lot of time to explain why this wrong Mr manager but as we don't have time, please take a step back so I can kick you in the groin. Fast, lean, efficient.
  • 2
    3y
    What is a manager anymore?

    If they want the job done they should let the people who have studied a particular subject more than them do the work.

    You don't know what you are saying, so let me do the fucking job
  • 2
    3y
    By far the best managers I’ve had have been non-technical. They’ve been good at managing people, projects and helping you come to decisions. Because they’ve not been technical they’ve had no choice but to put their faith into the team.

    The worst have been technical, they’ve always been know all’s and can’t help rewriting stuff, dictating things and they can’t be told anything.
    Last two technical managers have written some of the most convoluted crap I’ve ever seen.
  • 1
    3y
    he says functional but he means procedural.
  • 0
    3y
    If you happen to have anything similar to a preprocessor just #define function class, then mass replace "class" with "function" in every file. Push, report to manager, 'bye see you tomorrow' and look for a new job while he's still pleased.
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