So we got jira tickets, estimates and hour logging, but bosses are still asking to give them a detailled weekly report on tasks...

I asked if it would be possible to autogenerate these reports from JIRA instead of doing all of it by hand. Should not be too difficult, yeah?

I got told no, takes too much time to implement and nobody updates their tickets anyways.

For real? I'll create a script in a few hours that does all of it, but you don't want to give me admin rights, you chuckle fucks! Also, make people accountable for not attempting to use tools properly instead of creating additional soulcrushing processes.

Like all those bullshit meeting updates on the same topic that never seem to go forward taking up half my mornings each day.

I work with clowns doing fuck all, all day long.

A one time gift consisting of the following in a party bag without any letter to explain why:

A jar of Polski-Ogorki pickles, synthetic motor oil, a Chicago's Cubs cap, a My Little Pony doll and a dollar store clown costume.

One inappropriate experience I can think of is during an internship at a multinational company that made networking and electrical components. My mandate was to do an analysis on the electrical performance of the company's products versus the competitors. It took me something close four months to measure, to compile data, do an analysis and create a report.

Then came the time to show the results to the engineering director. Let's say the news were not good, so I figured people should have their hears opened. Anyways, my supervisor and I made a presentation to abstract the main points so the information was not too difficult to process.

10 minutes into the presentation, the director of engineering just fell asleep and was snoring quite loudly. I asked my supervisor "should we wake him up?" and so we did. When he woke up, he asked us to wrap it up and pretty much gave no fucks about the results or the presentation. Nobody really cared about the results after that. Talk about wasted time lol.

Luckily I don't work at this shithole of a company today.

So some big customers are getting problems for a given software project. The relevant dev team, customer support and I, part of another division of QA, need support from a specific QA team. We work for a multinational company employing above a thousand of people around the world.

None of the members are giving signs of life. Nobody from any QA team answers my emails, slack messages or anything. Management does not seem to care either. Did they suddenly die without my knowledge? I am just trying to do my job and find solutions to problems.

I am an inch close to giving no fucks and start playing video games. lol

So from now on 5% of my software dev performance will be related to DEI and I'll have to attend "trainings". Aside from the fact that it is complete BS, how does this have anything to do with software engineering and why is it so arbitrary, vague and hypocritical in general?

I'll summarize your goddamn 5%: don't be an asshole. Can I start working for real now?

Sounds pretty great for an american company that hires people offshore on the cheap and that treats them lowkey like second-hand slaves? But that's ok because life in their country would be worse without a job so we are "helping" them. How generous.

How low can corporate culture (if you can even call it that) go?

So my non-tech manager has started doing all the estimates for us developers on features upon high management request to save time, because of course rushing all the estimates for the work to be done in the next 6 months is the best process in software engineering.

All the estimates are based on previous work. Sometimes it will be accurate, but most of the time it is absolutely not.

So I get a task estimated to 3 weeks but I planned for 5. Just fit it in 3 weeks.

I planned for 2 weeks but the original estimate is 5. Just fit it in 5.

What kind of crap is that lol? What is the point of us estimating work if management knows apparently better than us how to design systems?

You guys got any similarly shitty project management system?

HR is getting so desperate they are prescheduling me interviews attached with CVs in the hopes that I will interview the candidates for a senior, even though the candidates have no experience whatsoever in embedded software programming. Workday, JIRA and Excel does not count you absolute fucknuggets.

For fuck sake, I asked management to hire new grads or juniors, at least I can get a person motivated to learn, but I swear they just don't listen.

They just are content with wasting my time lol

Man I am tired of my company's dogshit software release process.

We have to commit to fucking estimates for 6 months (2 quarters), SQA shadowing dev by 2 weeks, and freaking estimates and work done at the end are not even close. And then we call it a minor release. These shitty estimates are based on requirements that basically say "we want feature x, plz make it work". It's some fucked up agilefall garbage that does not work for shit.

We rush like motherfuckers during the final weeks because estimates are bullshit but we are still expected to be done with every story points which somehow are days instead of other better metrics.

I swear this fucking bullshit has been designed by the board so they could plan their money entries based on the software release.

The only reason this company actually still holds itself up is because the engineers are good at their job.

Go fuck yourself high management.

Software business partner will make your life hell and the CEO holds a lot of shares in this company. Aka you can't fire them even if they suck donkey dongs.

Nightmare IRL:

Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.

You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.

Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.

Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.

PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"

FML

So now that Covid is apparently "gone", management wants us to come to the office to participate in daily team building events to hype up people to commute full time...
but still gotta finish those milestone deliveries while having too many meetings and deadlines.

Murphy is watching us from above with a shit-eating grin.

So I just found out that my colleague who I often have to work with does not use a debugger to troubleshoot any bugs at all. Actually, he does not even run or test his code locally either with prints or something similar. He just commits java code directly on bitbucket, no source control, without making sure it compiles and then he runs a CI provided by devops that takes 4 freaking hours to run because he bloated that shit up somehow.

I suggested politely to help him find a more efficient approach and to use my hardware setups for speeding up his work because I assume it must be pretty painful to work with, but he just refused.

That and those "seniors" with 10 years Linux development XP in the embedded field who don't know basic commands like ls, cat and touch and code in notepad.

Fucking me, who the hell am I working with and can someone please end me?

Recruiter is contacting me out of the blue for a vague job position. Tells me he is very interested in my skillsets as they are apparently difficult to find.

I don't hate my current job but it has some problems. My interest is piqued.

I ask for more details and tell him what minimum benefits I would expect, given I won't quit my job for less. I tell him I have a very tight schedule at work and at home right now but I could fit in some time for a 1-2h interview.

He tells me I'll get more details in the next interview and tells me there will be a little coding test. Ok sure...

Dude proceeds to send me a test description by email. It consists in designing an actual small python project. Would take at least 1 full day of work (tests, doc and functionality included). I have 3 days to complete it.

fuckThat.jpg

Is this guy for real? In this market?

So one of my colleague does not put fucking merge and commit rules in his piece of shit project, and somehow I gotta help maintaining it. I wish I was admin to put some order in this bullshit.

Some other dumb fuck decided to copy paste a slack thread containing code and commit it in the master branch because he does not understand what the fuck he is doing. Prod is now going to shit lol.

This legit just gave me cancer.

FML so I have recently learned I am mandated (nodoby asked me if I wanted to do it, management just assumed I would) to help and train an offshore SQA team with 10 hours of jet lag to automate their tests on physical hardware because everything they do is manual and their environment is all mocked including hardware... there is barely any doc on how they test their shit or on what they even do. I need them to show me their shit work on goddamn zoom. And then once I manage to do this by some fucking miracle, I need to show them how to take over my already automated project.

Dudes cannot even code, how the fuck am I supposed to do this? Worse is I was told I can't impose our tested infrastructure and libs on them because "we have to give them flexibility" or some bullshit.

Fucking pay cheaply 5 people offshore to get fuck all done and then put the weight on my shoulders when you are surprised it does not work? You bunch of management fucks, eh?

Lucky I am getting some shiny offers elsewhere.

Is it considered greedy when you are accepting job interviews even though you decently love your current job, have decent work balance and benefits and your boss trusts you?

I kinda feel bad being curious on what other companies have to offer for my skills but I don't necessarily plan to accept any new offer.

Having to review an offshore C++ codebase made in Romania that the company I worked for they bought to control a wifi module on a complex RF mobile tech device that I can't legally give more details on.

If I could legally post this masterpiece, or should I say masterpiece-of-shit, all of you C++ dev would instantly get AIDS and all the existing types of cancer upon browsing it for 2 minutes.

It's laughably bad and unmaintainable. One of my colleague called it "the perfect example of human obfuscation" and it fits perfectly.

Think of a 100k LoC main function with nested loops and ifs with random sleep values, 1000 values of hardcoded 32 bits arrays declared globally in the first 10k lines for unknown reasons. Comments in Romanian mixed with english. Somehow, this shit works by some miracle.

The worst intern you can think of, while being piss drunk, could do better and it's no joke.

What's the point of doing estimates per quarter if you are gonna change the estimates to projects that are being worked on to match the release date?

Also doing estimates per quarter before doing investigations on the requirements is a fucking shit way to do estimates. Arguably doing it per quarter is also trash.

We are not doing hardware design for fuck sake, we work on software, you bunch of retards.

I am legit getting tired of trying to help people improve and hit huge roadblocks because nobody seem to care if what we do works for the intended purpose.

I have seen some terrible unstable code that fails 50% of the time on run time and never was reviewed or tested on core software, but since it was worth a lot of story points, people get congratulated for finishing it but nobody bothers checking if it really works in the first place. Story points are meaningless in this Agilefall Frankenstein shit process we use and bosses keep saying they will improve it but nothing gets done.

Worst thing is my work often depends on this shit.

I swear one of my good colleague and I are trying to introduce commit and PR gating, code review, code quality to avoid as much problems as possible while speeding up CI and documentation but 90% of devs do not give a single fuck about it. They just bypass it with admin rights because it supposedly slows them down.

When I bring up to management that the processes are terrible, I get the classic "we can't force people to use these processes because we have to respect their work ethics and it is different from yours." While I get that some things are subjective, in this case that's a lot of words to say they suck and give no fucks.

Sorry for the rant, it is starting affect my morale and efficiency at work, but I know every workplace got its problems.

"Just put a 3 seconds sleep in your system init process, it will fix the showstopper bug we are getting on customer systems."

Fault of having a shit hiring process and stupid expectations, the company I am working at are turning themselves at hiring massively in India instead trying to work with the United States and Canadian market for embedded devs.

I proposed a few good candidates but got instantly refused because they apparently "lacked" experience. Did not even try to speak with them at all. Try finding a good and loyal senior at average market rate, I dare you. The tech we are working on is honestly not rocket science, anyone can be good with the appropriate training. They started hiring like crazy in India instead to teamwork with us, probably because it is cheaper, but I have been in a company that did the same and it is currently tanking like crazy.

So they will likely impose me, my colleagues and my boss to train these guys with a 10h jet lag difference and impose us work at the office even though it is not necessary. I am waiting to see what will be the final decision but I am honestly thinking of polishing my CV and look elsewhere.

So what's up with bosses and employees that sporadically ask you to respond fast (like in the hour) to any request even though it is not an emergency? I feel like 50% of the people I work with are constantly in fireman mode, but never stop to think why they work like this.

When it comes to implementing helpful processes or improving shitty processes, I always get the "we don't have time, we are overbooked for this quarter." We never have time to improve and it fucking sucks.

Also, stop bothering me at 9-10 PM or during the weekends you bunch of no-lives. Maybe work smarter and less often?

It honestly makes me less motivated to work and depresses me a bit. I'm starting to hate my job.

Trying to learn a bizarre custom javascript wrapper that was used to communicate with complex mobile RF devices, the point being was to control them, but damn thing did not work for crap even if you tried hard.

When any of us devs asked the senior "dev" who designed it if there was any documentation on it so we could actually get started on working, he literally told us we sucked ass and that we were pieces of shit that knew nothing of programming.

Any of you are annoyed by your non-technical manager work practices?

Every release I feel like our manager's goal is to have our planning and results look good in front of higher management, no matter if it is true or not.

Oh this big task could not be done because we had to plan 4 months in advance with no info and poorly done requirements? Well let's just push it to the next release we can't have unfinished tasks logged in.

Oh we don't have time to work on tech debt and refactoring, there are too many features and bugfixes to do. Well maybe that is why there are so many bugs, eh?

Oh your automated test results need to all look perfect, does not matter if your test are even good or actually doing anything in the first place, as long as it passes.

Also, I was promised agile and got a waterfall-like bullshit process instead that barely works.

Anyways just morning rambling.

A cook or a chef, pretty honorable field of work... but the job is hard, stressful, long hours and the pay can often be terrible, so you definitely need passion.

To be honest, all my chefs friends work harder than anyone else I know.

These goddamn fuckers who every week spam people because their CI or code is broken. Apparently it's more important than other projects. Douchenuggets send an email and CCs the whole department and all the bosses and basically says "It's all broken, the whole company needs to work on this asap, it's possibly x other person's fault".

Then when you try to troubleshoot it because bosses want it fixed, the dumb pieces of fuck made a bug in their code that they could have easily fixed if they took the time to troubleshoot themselves instead of panicking like jackasses. Or better, have good tests and actual error handling.

I swear some day I am gonna get into a fistfight I started because of this bullshit.

"Name 5 weaknesses of yours in the workplace and explain to me how you try to improve yourself based on these."

Just laughed at the question since I expected to name maybe 1 or 2 instead of 5. Only named a few from the top of my head, but this question is bullshit anyways.

Should just have noped out of there instead though since the company was poorly organized.

I am starting to get really annoyed by shitty devs and tech leads from other teams that ask me to fix urgently a "problem" with my project they rely on, but turns out they did not even debug the fucking thing in the first place to understand where the problem comes from.

Turns out someone used the wrong parameters on his duct taped jenkins CI and instead of finding the reason for the failure, he just assumed my code did not work.

This is the last time I'm helping you fucks before a release while I am on holidays in my country. Worst thing is you guys are paid twice my salary in US dollars but you still can't code and debug for shit.

How about telling me truth when I asked you guys if everything was working fine before I took my vacations? Do you fucking test your shit for fuck's sake? Nah you guys just suck ass.

I will turn off my computer when off work from now on and uninstall slack and emails from my cell phone. These guys are not competent enough to use those tools properly.

So what's up with some devs, QAs and managers that create bug tickets with little to no information on what is the actual bug? I can semi-understand in the case where you document it only for you to read later.

Fuck you if you think that a ticket with only a title saying "fix all the bugs for this release" or "this feature is not working" is an appropriate way of documenting a bug.

Fuck you even more if when you are being asked to provide more info to reproduce the issue so someone else can actually be sure it is fixed or not (environment, steps, expected result, actual result, etc.), you simply say that you don't have the time for it and documenting tickets is a waste of time.

Hiring YOU was a waste of time!

So what's up with HR people pushing people to stop using terms like master/slave and blacklist/whitelist because it's offensive to people? I mean this is simply censorship out of context. It's not blatantly hating on someone.

Did they did even ask concerned people their opinion? Is this really gonna help professional inclusion? Censoring terms will not solve issues if you cannot talk about it in an honest manner.

Fuck sake some HR people are paid for doing bullshit.