garbage collectors' lifestyle matters!

Ever eyeballed the abyss of your memory leaks? Shit, garbage collectors deserve a raise.

Unsung heroes, janitorialing thru that VM like a dung beetle, silently fucking up your perf so you can do that delicious spaghetti. Indiana-jonesing the fuck out of that memory trash can and euthanizing all that disgusting heap of pointers hanging, dangling, like... well, like garbage.

At the very least they're deterministic, unlike that Markov chain we all had the displeasure of fucking up. Amen? Amen! 🙌🏻

You gotta wonder, though, what goes through their nuggin. Do they reminisce about the potential of that half-ass-written class? Do they weep for the elegance of a forgotten function bottlenecking their job? Nah, probably just counting down the nanoseconds till their next full GC cycle. Aaah, like cold beer in Saturday barbecue.

So next time your program miraculously avoids a memory error, take a moment, put your hands up in the air and say a prayer to your garbage collector.

Silently covering for your fuckups

You know a server is having a jolly'ol time when, while logging through the serial console, it lags... Then, a few seconds later, you get a message

[time.seconds] Out of memory: Kill process PID (login) score 0 or sacrifice child
[time.seconds] Killed process PID (login) total-vm:65400kB, anon-rss:488kB, file-rss:0kB

10/10, only way to bring the server back to life was by a hard-reset :|

If languages had slogans...

1) Java -- Buy one get two for free on your delicious NPEs.

2) C -- I burn way too much calories talking, let's do some sign language. Now see over there... 👉

3) Python -- Missing semi-colon? Old method. Just add an extra space and watch the world burn.

4) C++ -- My ancestors made a lot of mistakes, let's fix it with more mistakes.

5) Go -- Meh. I can't believe Google can be this lazy with names.

6) Dart -- I'm the new famous.

7) PHP -- To hide your secrets. Call us on 0700 error_reporting(0)

8) JavaScript -- Asynchronous my ass!

9) Lua -- Beginners love us because arrays start at 1

10) Kotlin -- You heard right. Java is stupid!

11) Swift -- Ahhh... I'm tasty, I'm gonna die, someone please give me some memory.

12) COBOL -- I give jobs to the unemployed.

13) Rust -- I'm good at garbage collection, hence my name.

14) C# -- I am cross-platform because I see sharp.

15) VB -- 🙄

16) F# -- 😴