I used to work with a guy who had 2 PH.Ds, in Computer Science and Electrical Engineering and over 600 patents but I kid you not the guy could not use the coffee machine. Now it's not like this coffee machine was as easy as a Keurig, it was some $20,000 espresso machine that took a while to figure out but I tried teaching him how to use it a few dozen times and still he couldn't get it right. It got to the point where I thought he was faking it so that others would make it for him so I offered him $500 if he could figure it out. Still nope. So for the remaining 2 years we worked together I made him coffee whenever he wanted, 2-4 times a day, and he bought me lunch everyday. Before I left the company I bought him a Keurig so that when I left he'd still have coffee.

We get so spoiled with stuff at work that it is starting to show.

Way too much paid personal time during the week makes me lazy.

People bringin biscuits and shit make me fat.

Keurig machines all over the damned place.

Birthday celebrations left and right.

And much....much more and I love it.

N: Me
C: Keurig Coffee Machine

N: *Turns on surge protector and keurig*

C: WAIT, PREHEATING

N: *Lifts handle to put Keurig cup in*

C: LOWER HANDLE TO PREHEAT

N: Fine, I'll just wait.

C: FILL WATER TANK

N: Wtf I just sat here for like 3 minutes and now you tell me? *Fills Tank*

C: WAIT, PREHEATING....

N: *Waits another 3 minutes*

C: INSERT CUP

N: *Inserts Cup*

C: *Makes coffee in 1 minute*

C: ENJOY COFFEE. WAIT, PREHEATING

N: *Turns off surge protector before finished preheating*

Is this really nitpicky shit? I feel like I have to babysit it through the entire process.

I just realized a the Keurig I bought is just a more expensive version of something I already had...

And the older one may have been better and cheaper.. KCups are expensive and the machine makes it very watery....

I think it should let the KCup soak in the water actually which is what the other one does.... and prolly cheaper than those KCups...

The coffee/food room on my floor is absurd.

On day, the Keurig machines, microwave oven and convection oven all disappeared. Turns out they were owned by some employees and when they moved to an other floor they took their stuff with them.

In the caffeine-deprived panic that ensued, a bunch of other employees pooled together some money and went across the street to purchase new applicances.

They now charge us 5¢ for each packet of sugar or milk/cream cup. And they announced it with a passive-aggressive poster with an angry dog on it.

Mother-in-law was visiting this morning (love her, lovely woman) and being a good son-in-law, I set out/up the coffee maker before leaving for work (I knew she'll want coffee).

About an hour I get a text message from my wife.

W: "Mom is here and wants some coffee. How do I make coffee in that thing on the countertop?"
<It's a Keurig>
Me: "First, press the power button to get the water up to the brewing temperature."
W: "I know that, I'm not stupid. Where is the power button?"
Me: "The top row of buttons, the first button, it looks just like the power button on the remote control."
W: "Got it. Now what? Its not working"
Me: "You need to wait until it's done warming up. Takes about 30 seconds."
W: "Is it supposed to make that sound? Something is wrong."
Me: "No, its normal. Be patient."
W: "No, something is wrong. Its not supposed to be that loud."
Me: "Sounds like a jet engine taking off, yes, been using it for almost 10 years, this isn't new."
W: "Stop being mean. Never mind. It stopped. What now?"
Me: "Put the pod in the little basket, pull down the handle, and press the second button from the top."
W: "Not working"
Me: "Did you pull the handle all the way down, so it locks?"
W: "Still not working. Now what?"
Me: "Weird. Send me a picture, I can't see what you see."
W: "Never mind, its working now. This would have gone a lot faster if you told me what to do from the start."

My prayer today is thanking Jesus for patience. Amen.

!dev

I need to stop buying things...

I just bought a Keurig and some coffee because it was on sale for Cyber Monday...

And well I've been buying other discretionary things like crazy for the last few months... including lots of cakes and chocolates...

Which prolly adds up to over $500 in 3 months...

Damn should've gotten a new credit card... All that spending would've gotten me $150 back...

Putting a Keurig on my desk.