I get really tired of people shitting on php and getting greated with immediate laughter when I say I work as a full stack LEMP/LAMP dev. I work just as hard as you (ruby/python/node devs) do and feel like I make some pretty cool shit.

Why can't we all just agree we do great things with our tools and while I may use a different hammer than you, we still use the same nails!!!

Name a more iconic duo than web developers on help sites and having pissing contests over which modules they use instead of actually answering the question!

I've been a web dev/server admin for all of about a month now, and only known PHP for about a week of that, and the one thing really that grates on me isn't PHP's odd function naming inconsistencies or at times outright trash documentation, it's the other developers who, when asked a fairly straightforward question about why a mysqli function won't return something, demand you use PDO instead.

Please. I'm running a LEMP stack on a Raspberry Pi here, I'm trying to keep dependencies to an absolute minimum because the SD card is tiny, the Pi will catch on fire if it runs any hotter, and more dependencies are more potential points of failure. Just answer the damn question. I'm not going to install PDO for something I know I can do anyway just because it makes my code look slightly prettier.

Honourable mention to all you Node.js developers out there too, with your thousands of useless npm dependencies. I salute you.

Finally a little productive today. Built a LEMP stack web server for my personal stuff later on. I've been using apache for so long but feels great to switch to nginx.

I'm currently between jobs and have a few rants about my previous job (naturally). In retrospect, it's somewhat therapeutic to range about the sheer brainfuckery that has taken place. Enjoy!

First, let me set the scene: legacy B2B web app made with LEMP stack and sencha ext.js 3 + 4 (don't ask) and a lot of madness. Let's call that app "Alpha".

Alpha is a self made CMS build for typical ERP stuff. Yes, a self made CMS: entities are containers, containers have types and fields and values. Like so many legacy PHP apps, it does not have a dedicated FE: the HTML is rendered on the server and then spewed out to the browser.

Easy right? Coding like it's 1999! But there was a twist: Because everything is basically a container, the HTML-templates are saved in the DB. Along with the nessary JS and the CSS. And the translation variables. Why? Because fuck you! That's why. Who needs a git history anyways.

For some reason, Alpha was kinda slow.

There was also an editor, that allowed you to modify templates (web, mail, pdf) on the fly in prod. Because templates contain repeating data (header/footer), one template could contain additional templates. Much confusion. You could change templates via migration (slow, boring) or just ctrl-c/ctrl-v that sucker (fast, much excitement).

Did I mention Alpha was slow?

On with the rant: e-mails! How do they work? Noone knows. How to send mails asynchronous in PHP? Witchcraft is the only possible answer to that riddle. Here is your enterprise™ solution:
1. create mail
2. insert mail into DB
3. WAIT UP TO 59 SECONDS FOR A FUCKING CRON TO SEND MAIL

Why? "Because that way, we can resend mails in case the network is down :)"

Same procedure for the SOAP-API (db-queue + cron). You read that right: all requests to various other systems are processed once a minute.

Alpha slow.

Alpha was only one of several systems. Imagine a bunch of monolithic php apps, interconnected via SOAP, REST and GraphQL like a godamn intergalactic orgy. Image having to debug that cluster fuck.

Let's say there is a bad request. These things happen. No biggie. Remember the db-queue? Let's try to send the bad request a second time! And a third time! Still no luck? How odd. Let's create a specific file in a specific directory: a LOCK-file. Now, "the db-queue is on hold and no request gets processed :)"

Golly gee thanks Alpha.

Anyhow, did you know that MySQL has a join limit of 61 tables?

Today i chartered new realms for me.

I created a new hyper-v vm on the company windows servers and added a 5th instance to it, but instead of running another windows server i installed an ubuntu 18.04 (cause i am a bit familiar with debian from my raspberry pi)

we have two servers, one which runs the 4 vms and a replica. I first had the new vm on the main server but it occured me to move it instead to the unusued replica machine. That kinda worked..i did a planned failover but the main server isnt configured to be the replica..and even when activating that it didnt work. This is weird.

For the moment i ignored that and proceeded to install nginx, mariadb and php 7.2..basically the lemp stack. I managed to setup nginx and a static ip adress for the machine (which was different from how i remembered it to do (in 18.04 its not done with the network conf but a yaml file).

in the end i added two different virtual servers, one for actual use and one for dev stuff (with phpmyadmin running for instance), listening on port 80 and some random other port.

as a test i brought a mediawiki onto the Port 80 server and it worked.

on monday i have to figure out how to implement the wildcard certificate i have for our company domain (internal dns simply routes intranet.company.com to the local server vm)

i am mighty proud cause all my experience with linux was with a raspberry pi so far and i am fairly certain i did it right and without shortcuts this time. (unlike my raspberry experience)

just wanted to share

(i also sweated a lot of blood when editing the hyper v settings as i did not set up the server in the first place)

((i also installed xrdp and a mate desktop, but i am less proud of that, but sometimes seeing folders graphically helps me))

!Rant
Hell yeah, I love that feeling! I have absolutely no idea about working with the LEMP stack (nginx in particular) and I'm slowly figuring out how to get it working. Even tho I just noticed that chrome doesn't support npn for http/2 and that I am still up (GMT+1) I wanna continue working in this project. Man, I love that feeling <3