aslkfjasf. i've spent 12 hours today (and lots more over the past two days) trying to reproduce a bug that my [sort of] coworker insists is present. I haven't seen any proof of it anywhere, let alone steps to reproduce it.

I've poured through the code, following all of its tangled noodles of madness from start to fuck-this-shit. I've read and reread the pile of demon excrement so many times i can still read the code when i close my eyes. so. not. kidding.

anyway, the coworker person is getting mad because i haven't fixed the bug after days, and haven't even reproduced it yet. This feature is already taking way too fucking long so I totally don't blame him. but urghh it's like trying to unwind a string someone tied into a tight little ball of knots because they were bored.

but i just figured out why I haven't been able to reproduce it.

the stupid fucking unreliable dipshit ex-"i'm a rockstar and my code rocks"-CTO buffoon (aka API Guy, aka the `a=b if a!=b`loody pointless waste of mixed spaces and tabs) that wrote the original APIs ... 'kay, i need to stop for breath.

The dumbfuck wrote the APIs (which I based the new ones on mostly wholesale because wtf messy?), but he never implemented a very fucking important feature for a specific merchant type. It works for literally every type except the (soon-to-be) most common one. and it just so happens that i need that very specific feature to reproduce this bug.

Why is that one specific merchant type handled so differently? No fucking idea.

But exactly how they're handled differently is why I'm so fking pissed off. It's his error checking. (Some) of his functions return different object types (hash, database object, string, nullable bool, ...) depending on what happened. like, when creating a new gift, it (eventually...) either returns a new Gift object or a string error basically saying "ahhh everything's broken again!" -- which is never displayed, compared against, or recorded anywhere, ofc. Here, the API expects a Hash. That particular function call *always* returns a Hash, no matter what happens in the myriad, twisting, and interwoven branches the code could take. So the check is completely pointless.

EXCEPT. if an object associated with another object associated with the passed object (yep) has a type of 8. in which case, one of the methods in the chain returns a PrintQueue that gets passed back up the call stack. implicitly, and nested three levels in. ofc.

And if the API doesn't get its precious Hash, it exclaims that the merchant itself is broken, and tells the user to contact support. despite, you know, the PrintQueue showing that everything worked perfectly. In fact, that merchant's printer will be happily printing away in the background.

All because type checking is this guy's preferred method of detecting errors. (Raise? what's that? OOP? Nah, let's do diverging splintered-monolithic with some Ruby objects thrown in.)

just.
what the crap.

people should keep their mental diarrhea away from their keyboards.

Anyway. the summary of this long-winded, exhaustion-fueled tirade is that our second-most-loved feature doesn't work on our second-most-common merchant type.

and ofc that was the type of merchant i've been testing on. for days. while having both a [semi] coworker and my boss growing increasingly angry at me for my lack of progress.

It's also a huge feature, and the boss doesn't understand that. (can't or won't, idk)

So.
yep.
that's been my week.

...... WHAT A FUCKING BUFFOON!

not universal, but works for me:

1. start listening to long video/podcast/talkshow i'm interested in

2. (optional) think about all the physical things i should do, such as cleaning the house, running errands, etc. conclude "nah, i'd rather stay at the computer".

3. open the project i'm working on, thinking "while i listen, i might as well muck about with this for a bit". the key is for the thought to be duration-indeterminate and non-commital, so it feels like an idea for a voluntary idle activity.

4. start mucking around with the project, starting with the simplest smallest tasks, to slowly shift my focus away from what i'm listening to, so it gradually becomes the background thing as the work gets into foreground of my concentration without me even noticing. this also naturally shifts me towards the more important and complicated tasks in the project

5. naturally lose track of time, realizing i've been working for 2 to 3 hours without break only after what i'm listening to ends (sometimes not even then)

6. at that point, take a break, stretch my legs, get some food, watch some 20-30 minute thing with full attention.

7. find a new long-form mostly audio thing to listen to, and go to step 4. repeat.

8. i found i can work like this 8 to sometimes 20 hours straight in a nice atmosphere, without feeling like i spent the time working with all the mental exhaustion it brings, instead it feeling like "i was listening to interesting/entertaining things and mucking around with some stuff on the side", with all the feeling of "i've been idling the whole time" except the work is actually done, or at least i made a progress. it feels almost like procrastinating except without the guilt because i can see i've done a lot through that time. kind of a good compromise between total procrastination and working your ass off into complete anxiety/depression

ok

i acquired a mental and physical burnout exhaustion so no alarm clock can wake me up anymore

anyone have a better idea what to do for alarm clock to wake me up between 5-7am ?

mental exhaustion

Computer! I live in a state of constant mental exhaustion. What does this mean?

*BEEP-BOOP*. IT MEANS YOU'RE STRESSED, BITCH.

Interesting. How do I get rid of this... "stress" you speak of?

*BEEP-BOOP*. GO OUT, BITCH. SEE NATURE, BITCH. CONNECT WITH HUMAN BEINGS, BITCH.

Oh, fuck no, that's just not going to happen. Any other tips?

*BEEP-BOOP*. STOP USING DRUGS, BITCH. YOU DRINK TOO MUCH COFFEE, BITCH.

Well, fuck me, I can't do that either; guess I'll just take this with me to the grave. Thanks anyway, computer.

*BEEP-BOOP*. YOU'RE WELCOME, BITCH. YOU'RE GOING TO DIE, BITCH.

Yes, I hope as much. The sooner the better.

So the project I have been working on for the past 5 months was finally released yesterday with only very minor problems, this stemmed from both programming side, and users entering data incorrectly.

It has been a rather hectic 5 months. I've had to deal with crap like:
- clients not knowing their own products
- a project manager that didn't document anything (or at least everything into a Google Slides document)
- me writing both requirements AND specifications (I'm a dev, not a PM)
- developers not following said specifications (then having to rewrite all their work)

But the worst thing I think would be the lack of vision from everyone. Everyone sees it as a "project" that should be get it over and done with rather a product that has great potential.

So with the project winding down, and only very few things left to fix/implement. Over these 5 months I learned a lot about domain driven design, Laravel's core, AWS, and just how terrible people are at their jobs. I imagine if I worked with people who gave a damn, or who actually had skills, I probably wouldn't have had such a difficult project.

Right now I'm less stressed but now feel rather exhausted from it all. What kind of things do you to help with the exhaustion and/or slow down of pace?

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Personalized Therapy: At Bright Psychotherapy, we understand that every person’s experience with anxiety and depression is unique. Our therapy sessions are tailored to address your specific challenges, ensuring that you receive the most effective support for your needs

Bright Psychotherapy: Expert Therapy for Anxiety and Depression in Birmingham and London

At Bright Psychotherapy (Janice Chan Therapy & Consulting), we understand how overwhelming and debilitating mental health struggles can be. Anxiety and depression are common challenges that can significantly impact one’s quality of life, but the good news is that with the right support, it is possible to regain control and start living a life that feels fulfilling and balanced. Whether you are in Birmingham, London, or anywhere else, Bright Psychotherapy offers specialized therapy services designed to help you manage anxiety and depression effectively.

With our office located at Edmund House, 10-12 Newhall St, Birmingham B3 3EF, we are dedicated to providing a safe, welcoming space where individuals can seek the support they need. Through our therapy services, we offer compassionate care and expert guidance, tailored to your unique needs.

Birmingham Therapy for Anxiety
Anxiety can manifest in many forms—from constant worry and nervousness to panic attacks that feel impossible to manage. Birmingham therapy for anxiety at Bright Psychotherapy is designed to help you identify the underlying causes of your anxiety, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and work through the emotional and psychological challenges that anxiety brings.

At Bright Psychotherapy, we offer a range of therapies specifically aimed at treating anxiety. Some of the approaches we use include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): This evidence-based approach helps individuals identify and challenge negative thought patterns and replace them with more balanced, realistic thinking.

Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR): A powerful technique that teaches clients how to stay present and manage stress through mindfulness and relaxation practices.

Exposure Therapy: A technique used to gradually confront and reduce fear and anxiety around certain situations or objects.

We believe that therapy for anxiety should be personalized to each person, and that is why we tailor our approach based on your unique symptoms and experiences. Whether your anxiety stems from everyday stressors, a specific event, or is more generalized, we can work with you to find the right strategies for managing it.

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If you’re seeking London therapy for anxiety, Bright Psychotherapy is here to provide the same expert care and personalized treatment to individuals in London. Anxiety can have a significant impact on a person’s well-being, and it’s essential to seek professional support to manage symptoms effectively.

We offer both in-person and online therapy options, ensuring that individuals in London have access to the same high-quality therapy as those in Birmingham. Our goal is to help you understand your anxiety, learn to manage triggers, and provide the tools needed for long-term emotional balance.

Birmingham Therapy for Depression
Depression is another common mental health condition that can affect all aspects of your life. It can lead to feelings of hopelessness, exhaustion, and a lack of interest in activities that were once enjoyable. Birmingham therapy for depression at Bright Psychotherapy is designed to help you navigate the complex emotions of depression, identify its root causes, and work through the negative thought patterns that keep you stuck.

Through Birmingham therapy for depression, you will have the opportunity to explore your feelings in a safe, supportive environment, and gain insights into how to manage depression effectively. The therapies we offer for depression include:

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is an effective approach for addressing depression by helping you identify negative thoughts and behaviors and replacing them with healthier alternatives.

Interpersonal Therapy (IPT): A therapeutic approach that focuses on improving interpersonal relationships, which can often be a key factor in managing and reducing depression.

Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Practices that help you stay present and focused, reducing the emotional strain caused by depression.

Our therapy is focused on providing relief from depressive symptoms, improving emotional regulation, and giving you the tools to live a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Why Choose Bright Psychotherapy for Anxiety and Depression Therapy?
Personalized Therapy: At Bright Psychotherapy, we understand that every person’s experience with anxiety and depression is unique. Our therapy sessions are tailored to address your specific challenges, ensuring that you receive the most effective support for your needs