The story of how humans evolved to an asshole.

Code-reviewer: please change 'if a==b' to 'if b==a' as it is easier to read so I can approve.

Code-owner: -_-

Is it OK to make chewing noise when eating in the office a meter away from your colleagues?

I have the answer for you my friend:
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ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NO.

Today is a big day!

I have officially no bugs on my list for the last 40 minutes after 8 months!
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Celebrating and drinking shall... Fucking thing crashed... -_-

Manager: Hi, here is component X with 200k lines of code. Can you go through the code and see if you can implement component Y using component X?

Me: What does component X do?

Manager: I don't know.

Me: Is there a design docs for it?

Manager: I don't know. Can you check? Let me know when it is done.

*Wondering if I should joke and say "Oh management, hard job huh?"*

*Remembering how life is fucked up unfair and I need food to survive and house to live in and follow the society's rules and work hard to make the rich richer and shove money into their fat belly of greed...*

Me: OK.

Managers faking agile be like:

The moment you hit ctrl+space, nothing happens and you realize you're in Word o_O

To chew with your mouth open or not to chew with your mouth open, that is the question.

Fucking your fucking module allocates fucking memory fucking deallocate the fucking memory in your fucking module.

Don't fucking bullshit me!