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HTML: Hate This Meaningless Life
CSS: Can't Style Shit
JS: Just Shit
Java: Just another vicious asshole
PHP: PHP Hates People
Go: (the "fuck yourself" is silent)
.NET: Now Everybody Thinks (they can code)
I really should find a more productive thing to do on my breaks.19 -
Yes Linus Torvalds is an asshole and the world is better because of it.
In short Linus's acid takes on code quality over developer fee fee's might be one of the things that has made the Linux kernel and the GNU/Linux project such a long lasting open source success and in my opinion the risk of him falling for all this "let's be nice and non offensive" bs trend may impact negatively on code quality.
Being an asshole has it's downsides and it's not always the best response, I'll give you that, but personally I think most of us who are viewed as assholes are seen like that because we put quality over convenience, facts before feelings and dedication over mediocrity; it is not because we hate you, it's because we measure ourselves with the same stick.
It depends on one's character, but when you've been toughened up because of bullying(I don't doubt many devs have been since being a nerd has never been hip) or life in general, you learn to stop whining & pick yourself up and you expect everyone to be competitive and competent as you are and it gets frustrating to manage people who don't fulfill your expectations.
Pros: You get shit done and you do it well.
Cons: People won't like you and you don't tolerate failure (much less mediocrity).
Yes Linus is an asshole, my coach was an asshole, some of my best teacher's have been assholes, I had friends who were assholes, heck I'm an asshole!
But I thank them because they made me better than I was, just as people have thanked me for being the right amount of asshole.
A warm thank you and fuck you Linus, keep being the asshole we need.
36 -
!rant
Today i got a job offer for 20k more than i'm making right now and a better company and culture.
I can't wait to see my managers face when i tell him. He has being an asshole since i started.13 -
The story of how humans evolved to an asshole.
Code-reviewer: please change 'if a==b' to 'if b==a' as it is easier to read so I can approve.
Code-owner: -_-16 -
If you are a System admin and blocking Spotify for the devs know that you're a fucking asshole and karma is coming for you!12
-
So... This company was in trouble. They hire me to help fix things and build this nice new stack to get rid of their old legacy monster application.
I'm there for three weeks when one of their top investors storms in. Apparently they are turning less profit than they told me during my interview. (Yeah, it is one of the things I always ask, even thought I don't always get an answer).
So this investor/shareholder guy starts on this motivation speech which is basically a veiled threat that "we" need to do better.
Obviously he doesn't know anyone in the room other than the boss. And it was apparent, at least to me, he also has 0% knowledge of anything related to software development. The boss doesn't look to happy about having to let this happen.
Then the guy turns to me. He points his finger at me and demands to know how failing so badly makes me feel...
So I answered truthfully... "I've only been here for three weeks, so I don't think I've been failing too much, yet. Now, how long did you say you've been throwing money at this failure without getting the return you wanted?" Emphasizing the "you" by pointing right back at him.
That doesn't shut the guy up, but he does bring his "motivational" speech to a rapid close.
He doesn't bother saying goodbye when he stormed out again, not even to the boss, who looks a lot happier at this point.
Apparently the guy pulled this stunt every couple of months (or weeks, if he was bored enough). After this encounter, he apparently had enough of trying to "motivate" us developers. We I didn't see him again in the 2 years I worked with the company after that.
I got a pay raise the month after. Apparently that was totally unrelated to this incident... 😙🎵11 -
Our company got attacked last month by what i believe was a code time bomb from a ex employee. And it was brutal, website hacked, email server not responding, locked out from database servers. The IT department asked for my help and I was more than happy to do it. Long story short I got every thing back working smoothly. The IT guys ask for a favor to not include this in my monthly progress report. Fine by me. But then they went out and tokd the top management that they are teaching me about the networks and servers so thats why I was working with them last month. Fucking assholes. Not going to help them any more.3
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I really appreciate devs that aren't complete assholes when you admit ignorance and embrace failure. Be a teacher, not an asshole!9
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So this fucking neighbour of mine just asked me how can I be an engineer if I don't have a printer :/ and then he asked me to create a ticketing system (he is a travel agent) for free because it's just a software.13
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Do not ever develop a project for family or friends.
It's the fucking worst decision you will make.
Damn i wish I knew this shit earlier.
They make you become an asshole.8 -
My asshole coworkers talking about how programmers without a degree are worth shit and cannot achieve anything in industry besides working from startup to startup.
Well, surprise, I'm sitting right next to them, in the same big company and I don't have ANY higher education at all.
Just because I prefer more hands-on experience than theory stuff doesn't make me worse developer than those bastards. I just learn more from working on something, than from sitting in classroom and taking notes.
Fortunately people at HR and boss also valued my previous experience when they hired me, but now having to work with those guys every day is killing me.13 -
Which asshole designer and stupid website owners decide to embed 110 trackers on a single page!!
I mean sure some ads add their own trackers....but THIS is beyond shit
R.I.P Privacy
17 -
My company wants to start using Node.JS.
JavaScript.
They wanna use JavaScript.
For everything.
JAVASCRIPT.
FOR EVERYTHING.
Scene;
**Asshat enters break room after meeting**
**Asshat turns to Asshole**
Asshat: “Oh here in a year or two we’ll just be rewriting all of this is Node.JS.”
Asshole: “JavaScript. You’ll be rewriting it in JavaScript. And fucking WHY?”
Asshat: “It’s better”
Asshole: “It’s not really a general use language. Why wouldn’t you guys choose Python if you wanted to write EVERYTHING in a goddamn scripting language?”
Asshat: “Google uses Node.JS”
Asshole: “For back-end web development type stuff. I doubt their accounting systems are written in fucking JavaScript...”
Asshat: “Python is oooooold.”
Asshole (to himself): No you’re old, you stupid, ancient fuck.
**Asshole rolls his eyes and walks away**
**Asshat continues his ignorant chuckling**
End Scene;
Clearly years of fixed format RPG programming has killed too many of Asshat’s brain cells.12 -
The new guy told me he doesn't want to make the code future proof as it's not agile.... Congrats goes to the management for successfully hiring as asshole...5
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In 2008 I took my first web development job for an agency that's no longer around. There was a Vice President there by appointment from our coke headed owner who really liked to micromanage and invade privacy with key loggers and screencap spyware to "manage" us. I found out because my machine would snag when moving the mouse cursor and sometimes I'd accidentally paste the screenshot into photoshop just before the software cleared the clipboard. Anyway, I wasn't supposed to know I was being monitored so I just unplugged my network cable and killed the service running the jank ass spyware. I'd delete it when no one was looking and wipe out the cache of screencaps it would compile every day. It was basically a troll vs troll stalemate for weeks. Finally they gave in and told everyone what was going on so we collectively decided to seek revenge. We bought a piezo buzzer about the size of a quarter that chirped like crickets at random intervals. We stuck it on the underside of his desk inside of the middle drawer area and let it go. They spent so much time and money trying to get rid of the cricket infestation. We let it go on for weeks. I ended up quitting before the gag was up, but damn was it funny to see him squirm in that office because of those crickets!6
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So i've been put in charge of bringing the devs together to form a small dev team, instead of having 3 separate devs (including me) sitting apart on separate projects. The idea was to have us talk more, work together more, learn more about the other projects, reuse more code etc.
(I've been arguing to let us do this for a while)
So I asked my manager could we move to the 4 desks in the corner, so we can have our own space, talk without having to book a meeting room each time etc. Its also a bit quieter over there and we all really need that in our noisy office.
Manager sent me an IM today while I was working from home to tell me we can have the desks. Was super happy, messaged the devs to tell them they can start moving.
Just got a message from one of them to say our manager has started moving his stuff over too. Seems he agreed with me that it is quieter over there and he doesn't like the noise either ... so he's joining us.
A huge part of the move was us wanting to work on side projects to automate and speed up various things in the team, that he has been against. We know we can make huge improvements but he doesn't see it. He's only interested in Word, Excel and Powerpoint.
So now we have our space, and anytime we try to work on something we are actually interested in, we'll have a little voice in the corner to pop up and point out what other things he deems more important and tell us to stop wasting our time.
Pretty fucking annoyed to be so happy and then get shot down like that. Happy weekend everyone!!9 -
!rant
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work.... The ass hole is usually in charge4 -
Fucking co-worker!!
This asshole blamed the delay in delivery of the project on me.
I mean what the fuck dude, I was just helping you out. That wasn't even my job.
Pathetic people!5 -
I was on this group on facebook and the guy had a genuine question but I tried to crack a joke and he got really pissed and told me to gtfo. I know I'm an asshole. But I'm a humble asshole.
6 -
So a friend of mine asked me today "got any proposals?"
Me: "yeah, in fact I got two of them"
Friend: "... Nice!"
Me: "yeah. Both were from my client"
Friend bursts out laughing.1 -
I look at this nowadays so often during office just that I don't quit this fucking job all because of work load and dumbass and asshole manager
4 -
If you sometimes meet an asshole, that’s fine.
If everyone you meet is an asshole, it’s you that’s the asshole.5 -
This one time I aliased a coworkers 'sudo' with 'sl' (sl shows a train running across the screen)
And then I removed him from the sudoers group and sudoers list.
I then magnified his screen 200%
Changed his background to a shitty narwhal.
And then full screened a terminal with the 'sl' train stuck in a while loop.
You can't control c out of the terminal.
He solved the first part really quickly, fixing the full screened terminal and exiting out of it, magnification and the background.
But took him 4 days to find that I had fucked up his sudo. Apparently, he didn't need to use sudo in those 4days. It wasn't until he mentioned it out of the blue.
How did he find out about it? He was running an important script that had sudo in it. When he ran the script a train would pop up and his script would terminate early.
He came to me and cursed me to Satan's anus. He then asked me to fix it, but then changed his mind and said that he'd do it himself. After a while he couldn't figure out what I had done.
I walked him through it. Told him that he had to go to his .bashrc file and remove the alias.
Later he comes back to me and curses me to the 12th circle of hell. He found that he was no longer a sudoer. At this point he gave me access to his computer and told me to reverse everything that I had done.
Added him back into the sudoers group and called it a day.
Lesson to be learned? Don't leave your machine unlocked.20 -
When I started my job a year ago, I felt impostor syndrome. Now I think everyone around me is a fucking moron and I'm an elite programmer.
Am I just an asshole, or has my journey with this company expired?12 -
Really?! Now even StackOverflow is going to be nice and welcoming to users?!
Half of our fucking rants are about StackOverflow and it's asshole moderators. 😑
9 -
I just had my first "Microsoft you have a virus on your computer" scam call today and I managed to waste 29 minutes of their time, collect 4 numbers to report and call the guy and asshole in the end.7
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This fucking stupid asshole developer, wrote every single SQL execution with string formatting. Made me a full sleepless night fixing this shit. Isn’t this a classical SQL injection sample?
15 -
Once, at my first job, the CEO of the company sent a group email in which he essentially lambasted my ability to do my job.
I wasn't even hired as a programmer, I was a data entry guy who learned how to code on the job, and at this point I was literally the only person writing code for the company. I regularly worked 12+ hours every day, and even though I had to learn practically everything on my own I was still getting things done -- at least, I would have gotten things done if the CEO didn't keep pulling me off of my projects to work on whatever his latest ultra-important-idea-of-the-week was. I was even working for an 8 hr/day, 5 day/week salary, putting in extra hours for free.
But no, my sacrifices and hard work weren't good enough in the CEO's eyes, and he chose to say that to multiple people in an email, including investors in our startup. I don't remember exactly what was said, but whatever it was made me so livid I couldn't do any work; every time I sat down to code, I thought about that email and it so infuriated me that I couldn't concentrate. It took me twelve hours just to calm down enough to get back to coding.
After that, I refused to communicate with the CEO except through my boss, the CTO.7 -
"We are expecting you to start working asap..and complete the frontend (of a webapp that's expected to take 2 months to develop) in 2 weeks "
" So do I expect to get paid X amount for this ?"
" Let's make that X/2"
Fuck off you dipshits.. You expect quality work and fast work ..then get ready to pay at least by market standards.5 -
How to annoy your teachers?
Be Extremely nice and motivated to 50% of them.
Be an asshole to the other.
At the end of they year, final conference, Shit will be lit15 -
WannaCry hit one of our server and the latest backup we had was from May 2017. You know who got blamed? Developers. I repeatedly told the General Manager that SysAdmin are the once who should be doing backups, Server updates and management as per their job description yet we got blamed for it.
I don't know what the fuck is going in this world.9 -
Go to Defcon.
Buy Hak5 hacking tools.
Afraid to try them out.
Setup WIFI Pineapple.
Figure out how to use it.
Start seeing everyone hitting my captive portal instead of the hotels captive portal.
Immediately turn it off.
Feel like an asshole.
Why did I buy these?6 -
When you do everything in a school project(c#) and fail the exam because your asshole friend didn't do anything, because he "doesn't understand", yet he passes the exam (c#).
Bastard.
5 -
When your question on StackOverflow has more than 5 upvotes and an accepted answer with around 10 upvotes, and then some asshole moderator decides it is a duplicate and deletes it.3
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Anyone else have to deal with an asshole who refuses to use the git repo? Not sure how much longer I can hold onto my sanity.
7 -
It's my first week working at shithole.co (can i say that?). My boss is a micromanaging asshole who knows the bare minimum re: programming. He thinks css is hard (no offense). I'm fresh outta college. He expects me to be able to do a very complicated api development through an equally complicated authorization process. Every fucking day "Is it working yet?" [This is my first week on the job]. I don't think he's read the documentation and I don't think he understands how to. As I am typing this out I realize I'm more educated than this dumb ass. Oh, some more context. Our senior dev is working on a more important project So we don't have time to bother him? So I am doing his job for 1/10 the cost. Oh, and i'm not allowed to contact him because he is too important. When the app inevitably crashes and no one knows how to fix it. I will give them my nutsack to swallow (can i say that?).14
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Tech support for Friend...
Again...
Ok...
A friend ran down the hallway to my Appartement, I opened the door for him and asked him "What The Fuck... Is wrong with you?!" He was just coughing like...
My... Laptop.... Is... Slow...
When he then eventually came to the point where he could Breath normally again I asked him to login into his by then super with shitty software bloated PC... It was a mess... A Desktop full of Shit... only Shit... I
then opened Chrome and Task Manager...
and holy shit... EVERYTHING! Literally ANYTHING was under 100% Load... Yet his shitty Fans werent spinning up... Shutdown the Laptop and opened it... not to my surprise it was full of Dust... I cleaned it and booted it again... still 100% Load... I couldnt do shit without being bombarded with porn and Hentai Ads... So... I asked him "Did you make any backups to this machine?" He was like.. "*Really long explenation* No *Really long Explenation*"
Great... i thought to myself... Then I said to him his PC was so trash that i only could Reset it to 0... He was like DO ANYTHING YOU CAN LITERALLY ANYTHING!
I then explained him, Resetting this PC Means literally 0 A Fresh start, nothing of your data will be there literally nothing...
He again Was like DO IT!
So I did... When it was done i showed him the result... He FREAKED OUT LIKE THE WORLD WAS GOING TO FUCKING END, HE SCREAMED AT ME WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? REVERSE IT! REVERSE IT NOW!
I Then said to him, I reset it to 0, I said this would happen...
He then took his now perfectly running Laptop and Ran away...
tl;dr
Tech support for friend, Reset PC to 0, Freaked out AF...3 -
Python, the language, is fine.
Some aspects of it are even kind of elegant.
But Python, the VIRTUALENV ANACONDA BLEEDING ASSHOLE WHEELING PIPPING FUCKING TOOLCHAIN IS MORE RAGE INDUCI̵N̵G̵ THAN ANY O̶͔̔̄T̶̊̆ͅH̵̥͒Ȇ̶̥̓R̷̹̳̎̒ ̴M̴o̸d̵u̷l̸e̶N̴o̷t̴F̸o̸u̸n̶d̶E̵r̷r̴o̵r̴:̵:̶̼̳̙̾̈ ̷̧̲̗̓́̾͂N̶̙̆ó̵̱ ̷͔̔m̴͇̔ơ̸͕ď̷̲ư̷̢ḻ̷̉ê̷̼ ̸̗̓n̷̝̔a̷̙̓m̶̖̄è̷̡d̸̳̋ ̷̝̍ ̷͎̚'̷̻̌ḋ̷͔i̴͓͌ṡ̵͍t̵̘̽ṵ̵̊t̷̹͝i̴̛̦l̴̒͜s̸̩͝.̸̱̚u̵̪͆t̵̥͑ỉ̸͍l̵͚͠'̶͚͘14 -
If you want to learn about bad UX design, look at every GDPR-compliant cookie alert on websites. The dialogues generally follow this pattern:
* Highlighting "Accept all" instead of "Reject" to bait you into habit-clicking.
* After clicking "Reject", you'll be redirected to an infinite list of usages. There is never a "deselect all" option. You need to opt-out everything manually.
* Sliders use some ambiguous coloring scheme without labels, which means you never know if you turned it on or off.
* Instead of "Reject", there is an "Other options" button. Clicking it redirects to a EULA document, with at the end... no other options.
Everything looks compliant, but they are still boobietrapping everything so you just wouldn't be able to opt out. Fucking data-vendoring assholes.13 -
Was having a hard time completing a project given to me on my Internship.
After a long time I heavy heartedly thought to ask my question on StackOverflow and this happened
Me : How can I do this??
Asshole User : Sorry mate, but what you are trying to do is impossible
Me : "Shows that it can be done"
Asshole User : Downvotes my question and deletes his comment
Me : 😐😐😐
Now my question has 3 more downvotes
Never using SO again !!5 -
Be me:
> turns on laptop
> enter funky town password
> presses enter
> expects wallpaper to show
Be windows:
> fuck you mother fucker!
> surprise asshole
> I magically updated on you without warning
10 -
What sort of fucking asshole decided to name it "data science"? We already have a "science of studying data", it's called Statistics...7
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i am a procrastinating asshole. woke up at 7am to do some work, and still, 5 hours later - nothing! i am so pissed of at myself right now. i just want to jump out of my skin and not be me anymore. fuck.7
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!dev
My neighbours have so many fucking IoT devices that they basically fuck over the entire 2.4GHz spectrum over here just by themselves...
Thanks for that you cuntbags.32 -
Dear Client,
Being a complete and utter asshole does not make your website get developed any faster, so you can kindly fug off.1 -
So far 9 people left because of that newly hired COO ( check my previous rants ), 4 from digital department including the manager
Enjoy making the company bankrupt asshole !!!5 -
me: "Why is the QA guy manually typing JSON into a production environment?"
asshole: "That's not your responsibility."
me: "Why didn't you just migrate data? This is dangerous."
asshole: "You need to go sit down."1 -
Pale night themes
>= blackest of black themes
>= no screen at all
>= satan's glowing asshole
>= light themes
CMV3 -
iOS 11 you buggy piece of shit!
Layouts breaking all around, can’t figure out if it’s in landscape or portrait mode, lock menu disapearing, minimizing apps breaks them...
Oooh, you invented a GENIUS NEW option to turn mobile data on from launch control, but WiFi and Bluetooth buttons don’t turn these off, but disconnect from current network... WHOSE SMART ASS IDEA WAS THAT? BURN IN UX HELL ASSHOLE!
Haven’t seen a worse update since Vista...6 -
You dense motherfuxker. There is a reason why we create a separate feature branch, put our code there, check the CI and THEN merge that to master. The whole reason of merge feature to master is that the CI DOES NOT GET FUCKED UP! You never keep committing your feature changes directly to master. THAT'S HOW YOU FUCK THE CI UP.9
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Me: I just can’t keep working these hours. I’m on calls and emails 8pm and 9pm 4 times a week.
Boss: ok, but come on, Office X does be on for the same calls but it’s midnight their time.
Me: ... How does that make anything better?4 -
Fucking surprise payment pop-ups in apps!
I've just accidentally bought an app, because it randomly showed the "buy pro version" pop up...9 -
Sent my application and got the first interview. However there were 2 months between when I sent the application and got the first of 2 interviews. In that time I had booked and paid for 3 weeks of vacation.
I went for the interviews, and told about my vacation, which meant I could not start immediately as I wrote in the application. My soon to be boss said that should not be a problem - great.
Next day I got an email saying that they went with another candidate.
I called the now x-boss an asked what had happened. He told I submitted my application twice, and that was the reason I did not get the job.
True. I did sent my application twice, but only because I made a mistake when typing in my email the first time.
Apparently that was a huge mistake.1 -
Apple for it's T2
IBM for being a bitch
Oracle for being an asshole
Facebook for being a pimp
Microsoft for being Microsoft8 -
Friend: I really dont see how Java and JavaScript are different
Me: *Several minutes explaining the differences
Friend: Ok, ok, but if i write 'JAVA' scripts, im a JavaScript programmer right?
Me: No, you're an asshole3 -
client : show website
me: sir server is down
client : what? I don't know,I want to see my website.
me: sir try to understand it is not my issue
client *call cut*
fucking asshole -_-1 -
WELL GEE, IF I KNEW WHAT MY ACCOUNT USERNAME WAS, I WOULD JUST SIGN IN YOU ASSHOLE. -.-
On top of that, they use these fucking anchent capchas that are fucking case sensitive and annoying as hell..
In their defence, I was trying to automate their website (one of those get paid to click sites) in an atempt to get some money, but still!
6 -
Hey im gonna take pip and shove it up my fucking asshole along with the people who made that piece of shit (:19
-
So, I'm a Portuguese dude. I have my OS's in English language and Portuguese keyboard. Today, I spent 30 min raging at my computer because I couldn't login. I tried like all my 865725428 passwords (fake number, in case u don't get it) and still couldn't access it. Then I fucking looked and remembered Windows is an asshole and changed my keyboard input to English, so all my symbols were changed. Fuck you Windows, Linux never did this to me. Y the fuck would u? Do u like to fucking make me waste my precious time? Go and fuck yourself with a 35'' CAT-5E cable you prick.10
-
I got told once that "You don't need pay if you love your job" - what kind of bullshit logic is that? ( I work as a volunteer programmer on a community project, but the game is for-profit and making a fair amount ). People these days...7
-
I don't know who this "you" guy is on all of these git blames, but he's a real asshole for writing all of these bugs.1
-
What kind of rusty asshole develops an FTP client which seemingly treats uppercase and lowercase filenames as exactly the same and is not able to fucking understant UTF-8 filenames!?
OK or maybe it was the shitty ass server to which I had to deploy the website to.
I've never been so pissed in my life.
It's already an asshole torture to upload 2.3 giggle bytes of pixel jizz, but 5 hours later, when the site has been made public, you find out that 25% of these images' filenames were automatically renamed during the extraction because some asshole dev thought it was a great idea to not even inform the user about this behaviour.
Fixing filenames in production while your boss is really pissed next to you the hole time is not a great feeling. Especially when you accidentally purge the whole image cache and the PHP image transform task then blocks thus making the whole site not loading any more images for 40 minutes.
WHAT AN ASSRAPE!
Please don't comment. I'm still too pissed to read comments. Thanks.4 -
Me and that other guy who has a braincell: Okay so we made this simple object mapping code so that you have the option to use YAML or environment variables, because they're both awesome UwU (we use YAML for testing, then variables for container prod deployments).
Some dude who picked up the project: meh, lets ditch that, dotenv and get rid of the object mapping, because I like to do the pain manually.
AND THIS DUDE NEVER EVEN BOTHERED TO READ THE CODE CLAIMING HIS IS BETTER WTF
It took us enough testing and cofusion to get Object Mapping right and this guy just bastardizes work we've done for the past 2 years claiming "it sucks"
What a bloody bellend.7 -
My idiot boss keeps coming up to me and asks "How far along?" every hour. Shut the fuck up you asshole let me work for some time undisturbed before you poke you non technical nose and ask me that dumb question!!!4
-
DBA bitches about one of our developers SQL... implement changes... deploy... now it takes 12 minutes... up from 40 seconds... good job!7
-
Ah.... the wonders of technolgy....
Linux fanboys and girls rejoice!
The Linux Virtual Reality Desktop is here. Meet Safespaces. Develop without the limitations and agony of your too small screens your asshole boss gave you.
https://fossbytes.com/safespaces-fi...
1 -
The guy was a complete asshole. He criticized every line of code i did and said he could find someone else who could do it better for less.
It also doesn't help the fact that i worked alone in that project.7 -
I find a poor tester copy/pasting data from the test environment to the live one, as he accidentally broke it. I ask the DBA, " why isn't syncing SQL records part of the deployment pipeline?"
"You're front end. This is my job. Go do your job."
"... but it's an easy query, and you're exposing us to human error."
"You need to go sit down."1 -
I need a room to scream. Fuckin fuck every asshole cunt who sees shit code and decides its ok to write more shit code rather than fix it, absolute fuckin cunts10
-
!rant
Going to quit my job today.
Feeling bad because my bosses are great guys and lead a great company.
Feeling like an asshole...6 -
Just had a scolding from an asshole behind the wheel for using my old BuzzyPazz instead of their new electronic system. I didn't go with the invitation earlier because I don't want a central server to know where I am, and when. Yet that mofo is gonna threaten me with sanctions because I value my privacy, and even showed that I'm a legitimate passenger that's properly paid to get on the fucking bus?! Catch the right "criminals", motherfucker!!! 😤1
-
Motherfucker doesn't know shit but wants fucking unicorn and rainbows for mobile devices.
Fucking asshole, do u even know what user experience means? Shove your smooth transition up your ass.2 -
Class DonaldTrump extends Shit implements Asshole {
public final boolean PRESIDENT = false;
public final String THINKING = "bullshit";
public void talk () {
System.out.println(THINKING);
}
}1 -
Fuck this short jackass asshole fucker fucking sales director that keeps promising features in no fucking feasible time just for his fuck fucking commission! Then the fucking cocksucker CEO enters the room on a Friday saying: "We will build this because we can't lose this client."
We never fucking had the client you giant asshole piece of shit! He just fucking lied on the demo and we have to deal with that!!! Tired of this shit5 -
Wow. Can't access a news article in an incognito tab without logging in or subscribing. This happened in Firefox and Chrome in mobile and desktop views on Android.
5 -
We are sorry, that You are experiencing issues with our application, please describe your problem with details in a letter and send it STRAIGHT IN YOUR ASSHOLE. WTF everybody gone in vacation and I need to respond to all that shit?
-
I was fucking paused that some asshole made me spill my beer, but these crazy cabrones have a way to lift up anyone's mood. 🤘
8 -
Why does every designer has to be a complete asshole? Wtf is up with them? You take a day on your fucking design, i implement your fucking design, and then when you see it, you want it completely different again.1
-
i'm wondering how long it will take until marketeers/recruiters/"ad-people" will find this sacred place and ruin it for everyone...
i hope there is a "ban this asshole" button in the backend for...you know....just in case...5 -
Dark-themed IDE + back-lit keyboard + coffee + headphones = best coding environment ^_^
Though there's always that one asshole who decides to talk to you Only when you're in the zone.7 -
Sent my changes before everybody for code review, got git blocked because today was demo day, and ... And asshole guy merged his own PR without code review. That conflicted with my PR. I am going to start posting the shennanigans of asshole guy from now on, just to have a record of his stupidity.
10 -
I've been working for 12days straight to develop 6 different pages in an admin panel. The CTO decided to launch only 2 of them! Yesterday, I was late so he asked me to be more regular and produce results with a mixer of insults and profanity.
Dear CTOs, I know sometimes you guys just want to burst out but stop for a minute then try not to be an asshole. It has the complete opposite effect on an employee.
You being an dick will achieve only one thing, you being a dick.1 -
I made some changes in existing repo on my own branch. Created PR for it to be reviewed and merged into master.....
That was more than a week back. But senior engineer never merged it.
Today I see that he closed my PR, deleted my branch. He created his own new branch, added my changes and some of his changes and created PR.
What shit is this?5 -
My new coworker: That "I know everything about all and I'm better than you" kind. Is working on Accounting but already has her fingers on my work, telling my boss things like "that's easy to do"...
Of course, she knows absolutely nothing about programming and I.T., but is easy for my boss to believe an easy lie than a complex truth.
(sorry, crude language and caps follows)
Hey, listen you fucking excuse of person, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and stay away of my DAMN GOOD FUCKING CODE and my FUCKING SERVERS.
Not going to give you admin access in a gazillion years, even if my life depends on it.
And stop saying nonsenses about things that you WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, because those things are too complex and abstract for your little stupid mind to understand.
Go ahead, mess with me! Will sue you to the end of your FUCKING world!
Thanks girls/guys/lasses/lads.
This is absolutely therapeutical.4 -
Hey Guys Look.
It's that asshole who never paid me calling me about his brand new idea.
Should I pick it?8 -
So, i live in Venezuela, a country with a lot of economical and political issues. Back in December I talked to my boss an ask for a pay raise, he talked me a lot of shit about economical issues his has been having with the Enterprise and give my a raise plan til July (starting in December).
Now he comes to me and tell me he can't afford to pay me the rest of the raise, because he's now in difficult times. The funny thing is I've talked to him many times to point it out some things that are bad and will cause him money loss.
I really don't want to go because I love the people I'm working with (they have the same problem that I) but is fucking frustrating when all is going wrong and you have some ideas to solve it, ideas you have searched a lot and came with a plan after a bunch of investigation, you come up with the plan everybody seems to love it but after that nobody applies it.
I think there is no much more I can do7 -
Hey Machine Learners and AI pips, whats the algorithm for detecting if a person is an asshole? :p10
-
MOTHERFUCKING PROGUARD with all your fucking flags
-keep my ass
-dontwarn my balls
-dontshrink my asshole
FUCK YOU for all the hours I have to spend figuring out how to make you happy whenever I update guava or any other damn library GO FUCK YOURSELF
:)1 -
I don't downvote much, but I definitely do when someone replies to an, "I'm back" post with, "LoL WhO tF r U?"
Don't be an asshole.14 -
My friends at work think i am a master race asshole cuz I moved solely to pc gaming.
In reality....i am just cheap af.13 -
Ffs when a designer just increase the mobile viewport size because their design didn't fit in UI.
Oh well, scale 0.8 here we come asshole.1 -
So windows decided to be the cunt it is once again!
I turned my windows to sleep cause I was gonna have dinner and I don't fucking know what the fuck windows think "sleep" is but after around 10 minutes a hear a sound of a device getting unplugged (I use an external mouse)
Fuck! Fucking shit, you dimwit, you decided to perform a goddamn update? An update? Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me, I did an update around a week or two ago! And my laptop was on sleep for a motherfucking reason! All my tabs...all those fucking tabs and programs
How the fuck can you update when I only kept it in sleep you shitnugget?!
What kind of asshole does that? I had unsaved files man
And now it restarted twice and no, this motherfucking cunt couldn't even apply the updates; just fucking rolled back!3 -
I love that feeling when I'm about to post the question on SO, and in the last minute I figure it out by myself. Now I don't have to worry about getting dowvotes or asshole mods.6
-
Suck my hairy asshole, devs who disable paste for web forms. Or more likely, management softs who read in a trade magazine that paste is bad.1
-
Shoutout to all the sales people in every organisation: the thing that you are selling with so much pride, someone smarter than you is making it. Don't be an asshole to the developer.
-
I'm doing a school project with one of my friends right now (little game in c++). He doesn't know c++ so I'm teaching him a little since he mainly does some mathematical functions and stuff (he's really good at maths). I told him "if you break anything I'm going to kill you" and he knows that I can be an asshole but he doesn't know about git and stuff. So I decided to play a little joke.
I put one single line into the code during he was on the toilet:
while ( new long long );
And I've been watching his reaction for about 1h now. I can see the sweat in his face but he's too shy to tell me its not working anymore😂😂 he's been trying to fix it but didn't find out yet. Let's look how far it will go4 -
No-contract client stops the project in the middle and wants his complete deposite (25%) back. How to tell this asshole that he has to pay even more??2
-
I'm gonna find a folding chair to swing at the next asshole who says "it is just like" without fucking thinking about it for more than a second or two....7
-
I'm following an elective on User Centered Design, and he just showed a screenshot of a Command Line Interface and called it "linux"
This fucking illiterate asshole...1 -
No fuck you you are not going to post your shitty generic products with 20mb photos that we host! Fuck off. No it's not "blurry" you fuck wit it's a normal picture in this industry .3
-
Stupid fucking idiot startup asshole hired me as an intern. Promised me the money after the work is done. We were friendly during the internship. The work is done and now it's been a week and still no money yet. He's saying it'll take some time. To beat you to shit it'll take some time you asshole!
Lesson learned: Never ever be friendly with the guy who hires you. Like never!!
Also money later isn't a good thing.8 -
Wow powerbi. Why didn't I think of that?
You fucking piece of shit. You mutherfucking bottle filled with piss. You shit stuck hairy asshole.
-
my phone based set up. guess who provisions all the phones to our platform. then tests 9 million phones and takes the flack when users press incorrect keys or their internet goes down on site and it 'must be a provisioning issue'......this asshole.
1 -
OMG you fucking little cunt!
Previous issue with this co-worker we hate eat other but can maintain minimal contact due to covid. Last interaction was actually nice, we joked a bit.
He teaches me how to do the build and ‘updated’ the confluence page. By update he striked through one paragraph.
Been doing these for week and now others what builds done all the time and since I am not an asshole they can approach me to do this but now I spend all
day long doing builds.
Work on a classified app so it has to
be burned on a disk, taken to a ‘secret machine’ and deployed. Takes about an hour and people are like. Can you rebuild it? I forgot to commit something?
So I updated the page to flush out the directions. Did not remove one thing only added things simple things like do a ls -lah in the dist folder to make sure the are built correctly. Things like check to make the symlink works, bolded words.
He was not at standup so I figured he was out of the office today and was going to ask him to review tomorrow.
Fucker goes in to make changes while I am making changes and doesn’t think to msg me telling me?
He is removing things and moving things which is fine just let me know! What a dick!!!!!
Screenshot of all the activity today, I am
in blue. I will spend all day watching the page to make sure I get the last fucking edit!
5 -
My manager is complaining I'm committing broken, incomplete stuff.
Before my manager was complaining I didn't commit enough.
My manager is an asshole.10 -
Not code related by my boss has verbally harassed me for the past two business days (I recently put in notice that I'm leaving). End of the week cannot come fast enough. And no, we have no HR, yes he's the owner, no it's not worth fighting him for.10
-
This is a personal rant, not a devRant. BUT ITS STILL A FUCKING RANT.
Anyways, I don't have a lot of friends. In fact, only one. That one friend used to pull of his moods on me, and I was more or less okay with that. When he was in a bad mood, I didn't annoy him too much. However, I expect the same from him.
Today he really triggered me badly, and at some point he knew he should just leave me alone. We were in a LoL lobby, and went into the Discord where I could hear how he is dragging me down, saying I'm an asshole etc. As a result of that, I left the lobby, and heard him say more bullshit. Then he talked about how he left at another server, since they were assholes and excluded them.
At was at that point were they deafed me. Meaning, I couldn't hear nor what they were saying or speak for myself. What is this bullshit? I mean, if your fucking best friend does this shit to you, how can you have faith or trust anybody else? It's just really fucked up, and fucking bullshit, and like the only place where I can vent off is here.
What a fucking piece of shit. And I keep forgiving him.5 -
That moment when a scheduled ALL DAY MEETING turns into a "non paid" day. Because the asshole cancelled the moment the meeting started.
Fuck this shit!2 -
GWT.
Let me explain:
Tl;dr : someone fucked up, I took shit, it was a gwt project. In a sense I don't hate GWT because of the framework itself but because how I was introduced and forced to "work" with it.
Context:
Was working as a paid intern at a small company there were 3 devs 2 interns and one senior employee that only worked from home handling the shit ton of legacy VB6 code he wrote over several year and a boss with no technical knowledge. (Other unimportant people as well)
I was working with their DBA (cool dude) because I was writing statistic and report generating software.
Story:
The other intern was tasked of doing a gwt app that was supposed to use a input file.
Rather than asking the user to upload it with a file picker (I guess they exist in gwt I didn't got to dig in the framework) he was trying to load the file with a http request directed at the same host the app was running on.
It did not work.
Then his contract was other and the app was left in an unfinished state.
The boss then tried to have the app deployed, the remaining dev dodged the bullet invoking some bullshit because he was clearly incapable of doing it.
So it fell on me, couldn't deploy the app because it was not even close to working.
Tried to fix things and make it work.
Turns out he thought it would take me 3h to deploy when I clearly explained that the other guy didn't finish the app.
Boss got mad, threatened to ruin my studies and my future career.
Couldn't because my uni had my back.
Didn't want to see me anymore.
Couldn't break my contract.
Told me to work from home for the end of my internship.
I got 3 weeks early vacation and got paid, fuck him, fuck GWT, fuck his company.
Still got well marked for the internship as my supervisor was the DBA who was happy with my work.
Morality:
Don't let your intern unsupervised, don't let your main dev work from home when you don't know shit, don't piss me off and send me work from home. -
Don't use your senior software engineer title or years of experience as reasons in a debate or argument about software
My manager was asking me what steps needs to be done to perform a disaster recovery for our cluster( on production). I will be honest here, I have not maintained this type of cluster(kubernetes) in production before. However, I have enough understand of the system to answer my boss question. I basically told him there are A, B, C you have to do.
My senior developer jumped in and said "No you should do A,C, B because C is more critical than B. " I then replied to him: "I understand your point, I notice that too, but .." Before I can even finish my sentence, this dude has already rolled his eyes and interrupted me very loudly: "Have you worked with these systems on production before? I did". The asshole knows I haven't maintained Kubernetes on production yet of course.
I got super pissed at him and pretty much shouted back to him and my manager: "Just because I haven't worked on this system on production yet, does not mean my argument is wrong" .
I then dragged my managers, that asshole, and other engineers in a room and settle this out. In the end, people agreed with my steps over that asshole senior engineer dude because I gave them rational reasons.
The conclusion is: Your senior title is given by the company, It doesn't mean anything to me. Also, it doesn't make you more right than another person just because he has a "lower" title than you.1 -
Just love it when the client discloses their requirements in phases. M sitting here with the complete stack waiting for him to come online and fuck me a little more as he discloses the next phase. Client's done this 3 times already. Fuck that asshole.
-
Developers that prefer to play the asshole card because it is easier than going through the trouble of acting like a normal person and lose a chunk of their time.
I come across this more and more: if I have a conversation with a random stranger at an event, and we touch upon a new thing that neither one of us knows about or whatever, there is this sudden cut off when one stops the conversation and leaves, rather than staying and keep on exploring the subject and risk of saying something stupid.
Am I just in the wrong place talking to the wrong people?
Or is there some developer budget your time manual that I haven't heard about?2 -
Me - "Designs and creates a new staff page for work"
Result - "everyone at work loves it"
Me - "I feel really accomplished"
Co-worker - "I'm gonna use this design, that you made, for my interviews for jobs and say I made it"
Me - "wtf" -
Fuck you negative bastard! I really hate when someone "predicts" failure to meet the deadline of some project we haven't started yet. This bastard thinks we will fail only because he is a complete mess at coding and fears learning new things.5
-
Manager was a douche again.
I mean not that it's anything new but this guy seriously has an issue with being respectful to coworkers and me. Has this pompous, I'm better than thou attitude. It completely ticks me off.
Guy needs an attitude adjustment stat. As a leader I expect better. I get you've been in the industry 20 years. I get it, but you don't have to be an asshole about it. I'm doing my best, I may code a little slower, but I'm not fucking stupid.1 -
I was helping a teammate investigate an issue he is working on, while having a lot of stuff to do for myself, until I notice that the asshole was very busy sending personal emails and basically I was doing his job...3
-
My manager tried to schedule a 5 hour meeting for me to attend :)
Disguised as “working session”
Fuck you asshole2 -
I just used booking.com and good fucking god is the whole website a shit infested hell hole. They use scammiest and pushiest techniques to make you book a place asap without giving you space to breathe and read details.
They try to obfuscate what's actually necessary with what they want to take from you. For example just before reserving a room there's a checkbox that's close enough to words "terms and conditions" and "privacy policy" for unsuspecting user to habitually check it to proceed. However, you clicking "reserve" is considered your consent and that checkbox simply adds your email to their spamming list.
There are countless examples of absolute asshole design within every inch of that place and I don't even want to imagine what they do with my data.
Suffice to say this was the first and last time I will use their services and if I were to give any advice, is "don't be the dick responsible for website/app/service similar to booking.com"5 -
Fuck this shit! Roommate just barged in at 3:30AM, his gf in tow. They went to bed like I am not here and he is snoring like a chainsaw. I never understood how can she sleep next to him while he snores like that. I have earplugs and active noise cancelling headphones on. I can still hear that motherfucker loud and clear. How the fuck is she not awake?!
But more importantly, 50% of this fucking room is mine, what makes him think he can just have his girlfriend over while I am here is beyond me. Like, sure, if I am not here go ahead but when I am here I would like some privacy, I guess the plank wall that I made in the middle of the room is not an obvious enough clue that I want privacy and I don't want to be disturbed :-/
Can't wait to have enough proof of his bullshit to get the block manager to throw him out.
Edit: To add to the snoring problem: I had a girlfriend who would snore, less than my roommate but still loud enough that I was awake the whole night when I went to sleep at her place... I HATE SNORING ... And when I went home for some holidays and my brother snored even for a second I kicked him off of his bed (because why not, he is an asshole to me like 99% of the time - and so am I to him :D //sibling love//)12 -
Had my 2nd job interview.
Two of the interviewers were great, but the third interviewer was like an asshole.
Always tried to make me stuck somewhere haha7 -
Hi,
how do you deal with a client claiming you broke something when you didn't upload anything to the server yet?9 -
DevRant has increased my asshole-ery. Reading work design docs and I keep thinking, "really? That's your choice? Obviously this is a joke. You expect us to do what?? In what timeframe?"2
-
Dear hex.pm website, please fire the developer who programmed this email and employ me. I grantee you I am better than this asshole.
-
to whomever it may concern...
if i wanted to do code review keeping in mind how asshole you have been and made it my personal vendetta, i would not review it at all.
i would let you and your shitty code rot in hell. -
Yeah, please fucking tell the other knob I accidentally starred, ++d, liked, .. his X, that's a great function, better yet, why not make it fully archived, so even if you remove it a second later he's going to know you're the asshole that did it3
-
My manager told me that when he noticed my male colleague disturbing tasks and helping out juniors, he recommended him for a lead position then proceeded to tell how I am a great mentor and how well my year end goal items were managed.11
-
Wakes up in the morning to find some fucking asshole has stolen my wifi reciever and I have a fucking deadline! Wtf is wrong with human beings nowadays?
Does anyone know a witch?2 -
Bad case of schadenfreude the biggest asshole on the dev team is having issues with his code merge! Someone merged 2 mins before him...lol. This is why you used the command line not the GUI!
-
"Configuring incomplete, errors occurred!" Ok, I get that. But would it kill you to tell me what errors? If you behave like an asshole, I'll hate you as well!
-
TEST, TEST AND TEST ASSHOLE
OUR PROJECT IS GETTING BIGGER AND START TEST YOUR FUCKING CODE SO I DONT HAVE TO CLEAN UP THE WHOLE FUCKING MESS
FUCKERS2 -
Asshole that my client hired: "You will be reporting to me now. As per client request."
Me: "I will murder you." -
A year of analysis and """agile""" development.
And now they changed the name of the main domain entity.
It's like to pass from a software for banana management to apple management.
THE ENTIRE CODE IS FULL OF THE "BANANA" KEYWORD, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!2 -
When you feels like you are dealing with assholes everyday, it is better to look in the mirror and see if you were the asshole that whole time.
-
Dear Apple, your asshole is what's innovative because all you produce anymore is expensive excrement.1
-
Not commenting my code just to return 2 weeks later to wonder what kind of special asshole wrote the code. And what the heck it does.1
-
I hate every non -American in my office who tries to flaunt a stupid fucked up American accent when we are trying to discuss a logical problem. Fuck the accent , do you have a solution you fucked up asshole.2
-
Whoever created the google adsense/admob report api and its documentation : choke on my dick and die you fucking asshole.
-
Microsoft you asshole. Why do I have to see an unskipable 30-second ad in your games on Android? Aren't you guys billionaires already to generate ad revenue from Google?7
-
Right...
So some asshole just tried to charge me 200 euro paid to Plugin Media Group A.G.
Couldn't get pass 3ds but still...
If you have made an order with OnePlus cancel your card. Today2 -
I sometimes think back to that asshole on stackoverflow that said "op wants a solution like that" after I, the op, told him I don't like that solution.2
-
public const bool DEBUG_THAT_SHIT = ConfigurationManager.ParseBool("debugThatShit");
public const bool DEBUG_THAT_OTHER_SHIT = ConfigurationManager.ParseBool("debugThatOtherShit");
public bool iMadeANewFeature = ConfigurationManager.ParseBool("newFeature")?true:false;
Fucking new guy, can you not fucking read the other constants and make them look the same? Apparently not and I am the asshole. -
This lead is an asshole, I'm the only who gets shit. Even if other people have the same issue.
To me: "The purpose was to have it done now."
To others: "Well, at least you have it mostly done."7 -
Do you guys also experience this: When you have an explosive diarreah~ but the project is due tomorrow so you have no time to shit and end up taping your asshole and it turns into normal poop. FeelsGoodMan4
-
My eyes are bleeding! I've been working on a uni assignment for the last 48 hours on account of being a fucking asshole and leaving it for the last minute... Gotta submit in 12 hours and now I'm here talking shit and ++ing because shit, why not... What a piece of work.3
-
Your best friend your colleague a developer you trust the most, your best buddy in the office can be a savage asshole sometimes.
Just sayin.
What are your "got backstabbed stories"1 -
Got warned for having low performance. Time to beg my previous employer to take me back when I rejected their offer last year.
If it worked, I will probably need to be a complete asshole to get laid off10 -
You ever agree to do something that you really don't want to do because you don't want to piss off the other person?
Like, I could've avoided doing this shit if I just were an asshole. Ugh6 -
When you hate every fucking thing on earth and want to kill everyone on this fucked up planet.
That bug didnt fix. Fuck you.
The client needs answer now. Fuck you.
Stackoverflow user marked it as duplicate. Fuck you in particular.
Fuuuuuuuccckkkkkkkkkk every fucking asshole. -
Fuck you Python! "It's global, unless you modify it. Then you have to use a keyword first." "It is passing reference by value." Asshole language that tries to be too flexible!2
-
Alright i make jokes alot of times for fist over ip but damn there's just so fucking many people that it could be useful on. Somebody needs to figure this shit out where i can go dark side and just choke a dumbass no class asshole out.
-
User: "help pls! Cant login! Works on my notebook but not on the clients"
Me: "Sure. Have you tried entering your username and password?"
*finally resets password. Problem solved*
ASSHOLE -
So my recruiter decided to calc his own bruto salary(gross) over my netto one...
Turns out he missed about 800 euro in his conversion ratio... Motherfucker ... That sets me back 5 years in salary u asshole 😶 -
WTF?
Just found this code:
"It is assumed that all 'static final String'-Attributes of this class are a key in the property file (which is validated by reflection)."
SO REFACTORING YOUR FUCKING MAGIC NUMBERS WITH A MEANINGFUL CONSTANT MADE THE APP CRASH. ASSHOLE. -
The best part about working on Someone else's UI bug fixes is that you get to look like a hero when you fix the bugs and make all their work look like a sham - asshole 101
-
People:I don't have to work that hard, I work smart.
Me too asshole. I work smart and hard. Guess what dick face, you can't out work me and that's how I leverage my passion.
#JustMorningRant3 -
!dev
Student loans soon won't be the only thing on my damn credit score.
Asshole landlord is evicting us to renovate and take advantage of higher home rates, we got a month to figure stuff out
Dad's credit score sucks so I get to put a damn home loan on my score so we don't risk another asshole evicting us if we rent and hope like hell my dad doesn't screw me over
Thank athismo my job pays enough I've been able to save for a good while
At least if we own it we'll be allowed to make modifications without waiting months for permission4 -
found all my DDR1 that went missing recently
my dad stole it, put it in a RAM hardcase, then packed it in the back of his closet
he doesn't even have anything that accepts DDR1
what an asshole6 -
I think someday, I'd like to make an app that can somehow punish asshole drivers. I want this app to severely discourage douchebaggery on the road. Not sure how I can make that happen, but it needs to happen.3
-
Am I the asshole?.
AITA for having a grin, when comes demo time and my stuff works flawlessly and every other monkey coder that I work with has his/her stuff pointed out as flawed for going all fast and furious?8 -
Some asshole stole my Origin account. Fuck them! I just wanted to game a little after a 12 hour day, but nooo...
And the support guy is trained on resetting passwords, not this level of crap! Not insulting the person, insulting the training!3 -
most frustrating thing is team mate is a totally asshole could not get the job done, and behave like innocent little girl.
-
Yeah he was officially free today but he still managed to come a couple of hours. Fucking asshole go fix your fucking code damn idiot. This whole site is broken. Thanx mr wannabe a leaddev. Hope you crash with your damn racecar2
-
I hate when I am being a asshole to person for their stupidity and they reply like thank you dear.1
-
Writing my first code review. Even though it really is a nice review and I'm happy with the solution code, I still somehow feel like an asshole for each critique I make. Maybe it's unavoidable with code reviews / pull requests?3
-
GitHub should allow server linking and social content downloading for repo authors to encourage people to still host their own repositories
This centralization is like everybody using Gmail
Some asshole deletes everything and we're all fucked15 -
Me start reporting at Standup about my recent work. My Teamleader start talking the same time, saying he has seen the commits and I don't have to go into details anymore.
Thank you asshole for disrespecting me and my work.3 -
Am I a selfish asshole for not allowing my email server to be the relay whore of the internet?
I just hate postfix log files filled with messages not related to my own domain.3 -
All parts of the body were having a meeting one day to choose who should be tagged as the leader.
Legs: We should be in charge because we literally carry the whole body the entire day, and without us, nobody is going anywhere.
Asshole: Without me, we cannot get rid of all the things we don't need anymore. I deserve to be in charge.
Brain: Hold up, guys, hold up. Feet, you can't move unless I tell you to move, and you can't even figure out how to put one foot over the other. Asshole, all you do is open and close; you don't even know how things are made. You have nothing to say here.
(The feet agreed, but the asshole took it personally. So he decided to go on strike and stop working for three days. The entire body went into chaos, and they pleaded with the brain for several hours.)
Brain: Okay, Asshole! You can be in charge.
The moral of the story is that sometimes an asshole is in charge not because they're the smartest ones for the position, but because sometimes assholes are in positions of power.1 -
a fuckin famous celebrity here in PH ask for favor to his graphic designers fans to do his twitch and youtube logo design for a SHOUTOUT in compensation. A. SHOUTOUT. Now he has been offically a MEME all over the social media.1
-
It pisses me off so much when companies sell their products with non standardized charging ports. I bought a no name beard trimmer some time ago, lost the charger and obviously I cant find a replacement because I have no fucking clue what connector it is. The description of the trimmer mentions nothing. Fucking bs that is! -__-"
-
Fuck the dev! Who decided to change shit on their site without telling me...
It's your fucking app do you want it to work!?
I can't connect the two if you keep changing shit!
I know this dev to be a fucking asshole!6 -
My manager put "Architecture Diagram" onto my list of tasks. "Do you have a diagram"? came up in our last call.
No, I don't have a diagram like your useless block diagram that shows nothing of what we've done. Instead I have a ton of wiki pages, real documentation, READMEs in each git repo that are detailed and complete, unless you're repos of empty directories, `.keep` files, empty READMEs and blank "TODO" wiki pages!6 -
I am not as open minded and patient and a good teammate as I thought I was. Also either I am the biggest asshole on the planet, or I am so unlucky that I meet all kinds of assholes in my workplace, both past and present.
-
How to deal with coworkers playing music on loud speaker and the genre happened to be the one that you hate the most?4
-
I just wrote an error handler in php (would trigger only if the user's stupid enough):
if (!$detail_trans && !header_moved) {
die("asshole");
}1 -
A couple fucking brutal, merciless dungeon moments.
So first, we were having a chill kind of session. Throwing lots of jokes and shit, and I rolled with it. The baddie for the day, I felt inspired, and named him Fawq El-Fuqer, which yes, is very unfortunate.
Anyway, we avoid his goons and reach his impenetrable fortress of chronic masturbation, and it goes as well as you think. The rogue says hey, we gotta get him with his pants down (pause) literally. The cleric is skeptical at first, but she comes around to it.
And so we do it. I spin this tale of a man who's got a schedule tighter than his fucking asshole. El-Fuqer meticulously plans his shits, he makes it a whole ritual, even gives it a special name: Mud O'Clock.
We wait for his alarm to ring, and spring into action while he's taking a fat stinking fucking dump. The warrior kicks down the bathroom door and corners El-Fuqer while he's on the shitter, demanding satisfaction for their past romantic involment that's been strongly been hinted at, you see, she said Fuck the Fucker and I, that's history. And that's enough for a subplot if you ask me.
So where was I? Ah, yes, the rogue bursts in through the window shouting out "Mud O'Clock MOTHER FUCKER!!" and we immortalize the moment in the finest silks. The wizard then does a little Bane impression for some reason and a multitude of loud 'plops' are heard as El-Fuqer evacuates the entire content of his putrid guts.
He gets roughed up a little, you know nothing like interrogating someone after they nearly shit themselves to death. We reveal some oooh so unexpected plot twist about a portal to goddamn hell and it's like well, crap, we gotta do something about that. So the wizard and the rogue leave to give the warrior and El-Fuqer some, ehem, space to settle their score.
What followed was the most unexpected, most brilliant part of the whole session. She didn't just execute him in a brutal, gruesome manner, no, she went full fucking throttle. Forced El-Fuqer to eat his own cock and balls while sewing his ass shut, then had a bowl of bull testicle salad to drop a montanious fecal cake of biblical proportions upon his face.
Believe it or not, we made it into an emotional moment. Because everyone was shocked by how brutal the affair was. Warrior had a mental breakdown like, uuuh, I'm becoming the monsters I swore to fight ooh no. She starting shaking and crap, ran away and hid in an alley to weep, it begins raining and it's getting very dramatic, so I cook up some spirit of sorrow that goes in and helps her face her fears and shit through the power of friendship or whatever.
Moving on to second moment, this is shorter but I like it best. The cleric and another two extras went to an old shrine to try and prove the wizard wrong about his denial of prophecy. Thing is, they did the ritual wrong. And I'm usually very forgiving but I was feeling nasty after the whole sowing of the asshole thing. So I'm like, uh, I gave you fools VERY PRECISE instructions on how to perform this ritual, and you just did some wacky prayers to the moon nonsense, that's idolatry in-universe and out-of-universe too (depending on who you ask).
So I said fuck it, you guys had it coming. I whip out immortal ten-thousand year old elder sorceress bitch guardian of the holy sphincter, and it gets real pretty fucking quick. She's got sanctified heavy plate armor, blue fire torches coming out they fucking pauldrons, argent greatsword of anal judgement plus infinity, all the juiciest shit.
Anyway, the sorc descends from the sky in a pillar of azure flames and is like yo, drop that idolatrous shit right now or I'm gonna kill you all. They mistake her for angel or some shit, and are like hey chill, we're the good guys. But the sorc doesn't give a shit, and she says shut the fuck up or I'll send you to the Night Eternal, bitch.
I dunno why but the cleric and the other two extras don't get it, so they insist with the whole heyyyy we are not idolaters, we're your friends, we are questing for the mandinga mandango mcguffango. So she bisects one, breaks the neck of another, and decapitates the fucking cleric. It was awesome.
So what did we learn? idk, don't plan your dumps and don't pray to the fucking moon if you're standing on hallowed ground. *****9 -
Random LPT: Never carpool with strangers unless your life depends on it. Especially if one person creates a spreadsheet of the days he expects you to drive in June and it's May 5.
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My manager is still being an asshole to all our customers. I cannot stand him, or his bullshit corrective action/write-up he sent to HR. The entire team is frustrated with him and his personal vendetta against me has caused me to go full force, looking for new works and well as transferring teams within the company. Things are getting politically heated right now and I'm not sure how things will pan out. I wish our old VP of software didn't pass away last month. The new CTO is a total tool and fuckwit. He sees developers as subordinates who must always away managers. He hasn't talked to anyone on the networking team since being hired, or anyone on my team.1
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Early morning attempt to ruin what is starting to seem like all there is left to live for because of well the snipped end of time
Same asshole I had to duck
Even when young -
I hate bitmaps in Android. Whoever created those disgusting functions without thinking of of a *simple* way to deal with the garbage they cause is an asshole and I hope they go to the worst corners of hell.
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How much of an asshole you have to be to say the poster doesn't know PHP and bitch about "security problems" in an answer to a clearly newbie question about forms and redirection on Quora?1
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Hey dev. Listen to religious music at too high a volume or constantly bitch and complain about how everyone else in the world is an asshole. They're both annoying but I can't take both at the same time...
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Do you ever feel that there are some guys on stack overflow who can't understand English or they don't know the solution to your problem they down vote your question?
I am talking to them don't be an asshole. You have a special place reserved for you in hell.. -
Fuck that unqualified asshole of IT guy at the customer. He has no idea what he's talking about, constantly sets focus to unspecific bullshit and just wastes my time and energy. How do you deal with shit like that?!2
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Not really dev... but / hey all asshole / impatient, idiot drivers : fuck you. I think you should have your licenses taken away - or be shot.7
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If ur sparring someone, don’t immediately go fucking apeshit. Feel it out and calm down so you don’t absolutely fuck up someone who is a beginner or trying to slowly recover back into it. Now I can’t fucking walk, thanks asshole 😑.1
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How do I tell my “senior” co-worker that he’s a shitty person while working in a group , I just can’t tell my manager cos they both are good friends, I’ve tried confronting him but it didn’t make much of a difference. This is really frustrating me because I am always seen as the person who doesn’t know shit cos the senior co-worker keep changing the back end and my code 😓😓😓1
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- "the workflow inbox is broke.."
- "INBOX MY ASS. ask the asshole who vomit this to fix it!"
me dealing with an inbox made of two columns with imagenry relationships. -
The part with those goddamn change requests on top of the requirements that were never fucking stated correctly in the first place.
Hate that part, because the customer is always right!
Always right, my ass. Fucking asshole dickheads. -
So as these people can see we can wait them out and we’re both gonna be skeletons collecting dust
Budge asshole
Sit at the goddamn table and budge on expectations or the deadline will be passed ! -
Dumb asshole lays a half smoked joint near me
Got up threw that shit away
Not trying to get arrested
Meanwhile accomplice wanders out again -
Guy advertises job. Decent pay, decent benefits, all in all decent package.
Guy replies to request for further information with some shit about being able to get you 50 calls from people who will hire you but would you want to work for them... well that's why i didn't apply to 50 jobs you applied to the 1, because it sounded like you would want to work for them.
Then guy says they are paying a lot less than avertised, and the advert is basically bullshit to get him people to give his 50 opportunities shit to.2 -
Making our software so useful and versatile that we can finally outcompete the asshole monopolist of a company that dominates the market right now.6
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guys, today i was playing monopoly with my father (not gone with the milk i swear) and he was beating me, so i flipped the board. he got pissed and angry, am i the asshole?
p.s, if u say im the asshole im gonna be super mean to u so say im not but no hard feelings.5 -
Hey Intellisense . .
Would be nice if you'd kindly STOP BREAKING ON RAZOR SYNTAX YOU ASSHOLE.
Had to close and relaunch Visual Studio to make it understand @Html . . . -
My tool of choice, let's use/implement it. Your tool suggestion and if I dont like it, it should be discussed and be compared to alternatives :-D lols
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