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Got assigned an intern to mentor him, with an explicit order not to do any of the legwork for him.
We start out with some fuzzy requirements. Intern starts overengineering a generic solution, so I make out a best architecture that conforms to the business requirements and I explain it to the intern why are we going to use such approach and tell him how we are going to do it in three phases.
I explain the intern the first phase, break it down in small tasks for him and return to my projects...
After a couple of days of no words from the intern, I decide to check up on him to see how is he progressing, only to hear him complaining the task is boring. So, instead of doing the assigned tasks, he decided he should do a "design" for a feature I told him explicitly not to do, since it is going to be designed by the design team later on.
I explain it to the intern that we have to do the boring task first because we can't proceed with the next phase of the implementation without the necessary data from the phase one.
Intern says okay and assures me he got it now. Few days later, I check up on him, and he tells me he feels he is doing all the work and that I don't contribute to the project. I call up my boss and tell him intern wants a meeting. Since I was working from home, I quickly pack my things and head to the office. Boss talks to the intern before I managed to get to the office. Once I got there, I meet the intern, and he tells me everything is okay. I ask what did the boss say to make things okay all of a sudden, and he tells me he said we are a team now. Our company has a flat hierarchy model, so he tells me he doesn't feel he needs a mentor, that we are both equal, and that I have no idea how to work in a team, and then proceeds to comfort me on how human interaction is hard and that I will learn it one day... I was like wtf?
I tell him to finish the phase one of the project and start with the phase two, and I leave home again.
I call up my boss and ask him what did he say to the intern, and he says: "nothing much, just explained the project a little bit and how it fits in the grand scheme of things.". I ask about the equal team members thing, and me not being a mentor any longer, the boss goes wtf, saying he never said anything about that to him.
So the kid can't focus on a single task, over-engineers everything and doesn't feel he can learn anything from developers with more experience, doesn't want to obey commands, and also likes to lie to manipulate others.
Tomorrow we'll decide what to do with him...
Sorry for the long rant, it was a long stressful day.86 -
HTML: Hate This Meaningless Life
CSS: Can't Style Shit
JS: Just Shit
Java: Just another vicious asshole
PHP: PHP Hates People
Go: (the "fuck yourself" is silent)
.NET: Now Everybody Thinks (they can code)
I really should find a more productive thing to do on my breaks.19 -
Yes Linus Torvalds is an asshole and the world is better because of it.
In short Linus's acid takes on code quality over developer fee fee's might be one of the things that has made the Linux kernel and the GNU/Linux project such a long lasting open source success and in my opinion the risk of him falling for all this "let's be nice and non offensive" bs trend may impact negatively on code quality.
Being an asshole has it's downsides and it's not always the best response, I'll give you that, but personally I think most of us who are viewed as assholes are seen like that because we put quality over convenience, facts before feelings and dedication over mediocrity; it is not because we hate you, it's because we measure ourselves with the same stick.
It depends on one's character, but when you've been toughened up because of bullying(I don't doubt many devs have been since being a nerd has never been hip) or life in general, you learn to stop whining & pick yourself up and you expect everyone to be competitive and competent as you are and it gets frustrating to manage people who don't fulfill your expectations.
Pros: You get shit done and you do it well.
Cons: People won't like you and you don't tolerate failure (much less mediocrity).
Yes Linus is an asshole, my coach was an asshole, some of my best teacher's have been assholes, I had friends who were assholes, heck I'm an asshole!
But I thank them because they made me better than I was, just as people have thanked me for being the right amount of asshole.
A warm thank you and fuck you Linus, keep being the asshole we need.
36 -
!rant
Today i got a job offer for 20k more than i'm making right now and a better company and culture.
I can't wait to see my managers face when i tell him. He has being an asshole since i started.13 -
The story of how humans evolved to an asshole.
Code-reviewer: please change 'if a==b' to 'if b==a' as it is easier to read so I can approve.
Code-owner: -_-16 -
So... This company was in trouble. They hire me to help fix things and build this nice new stack to get rid of their old legacy monster application.
I'm there for three weeks when one of their top investors storms in. Apparently they are turning less profit than they told me during my interview. (Yeah, it is one of the things I always ask, even thought I don't always get an answer).
So this investor/shareholder guy starts on this motivation speech which is basically a veiled threat that "we" need to do better.
Obviously he doesn't know anyone in the room other than the boss. And it was apparent, at least to me, he also has 0% knowledge of anything related to software development. The boss doesn't look to happy about having to let this happen.
Then the guy turns to me. He points his finger at me and demands to know how failing so badly makes me feel...
So I answered truthfully... "I've only been here for three weeks, so I don't think I've been failing too much, yet. Now, how long did you say you've been throwing money at this failure without getting the return you wanted?" Emphasizing the "you" by pointing right back at him.
That doesn't shut the guy up, but he does bring his "motivational" speech to a rapid close.
He doesn't bother saying goodbye when he stormed out again, not even to the boss, who looks a lot happier at this point.
Apparently the guy pulled this stunt every couple of months (or weeks, if he was bored enough). After this encounter, he apparently had enough of trying to "motivate" us developers. We I didn't see him again in the 2 years I worked with the company after that.
I got a pay raise the month after. Apparently that was totally unrelated to this incident... 😙🎵12 -
If you are a System admin and blocking Spotify for the devs know that you're a fucking asshole and karma is coming for you!12
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I’m going to fucking kill my boss.
He’s known about how I’ve been writing this fucking ticket (screwdriver followup) for four fucking weeks, and on the last fucking day (yesterday) he tells me it’s not the correct fucking architecture and to rewrite basically all of it using <unknown bullshit> instead, and that i must have it done by today — by this fucking morning — so it can make the release.
WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS AT ANY POINT IN THE LAST FUCKING MONTH WHILE YOU WERE BUSY NITPICKING MY FUCKING CODE YOU FUCKING CUNT?!31 -
Manager: I just think you are being too negative. Like sometimes other people have opinions too and we should hear them out before saying no.
Me: Well your opinion is the devs shouldn't be able to estimate their own tasks and you should decide on our behalf how long something should take.
You also want to decide what tech stack we use, because you followed a "Hello World" tutorial last night and it worked out for you.
Just because you got a simple webpage up and running in 2 hours doesn't mean all websites take 2 hours with the tech. Were not sitting in the corner laughing that you think its taking us 3 weeks to build this.
I'm not being negative simply because I don't agree with you. I'm not being unreasonable if I say I can do 6 weeks work in 2 weeks. And although it sounds offensive, i'm actually doing you a favour by telling you to get your head out of your ass11 -
My previous employer still (contractually) owes me $5k. I still have push access to the repo and prod servers. Should I add a reminder to the admin dashboard? (After yet another email reminder, ofc.)
I could also mail him an invoice, since I have his addresses. Then again, it has been about a year since I was supposed to receive it, so maybe I'll just file a lawsuit. 🙄
Should @Root sue her ex-boss?38 -
PM: 2 months? no thats way too long, do it in 1.
Director: I had a chat with someone else who doesn't work on this team, he says that developer you complained about is a good guy and we should keep him on the team.
Business: No, we don't have time for tech debt, lets build these new features as quick as possible and lets see where we are.
everyone: WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT CRASHED AGAIN??? THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE6 -
Our company got attacked last month by what i believe was a code time bomb from a ex employee. And it was brutal, website hacked, email server not responding, locked out from database servers. The IT department asked for my help and I was more than happy to do it. Long story short I got every thing back working smoothly. The IT guys ask for a favor to not include this in my monthly progress report. Fine by me. But then they went out and tokd the top management that they are teaching me about the networks and servers so thats why I was working with them last month. Fucking assholes. Not going to help them any more.4
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I really appreciate devs that aren't complete assholes when you admit ignorance and embrace failure. Be a teacher, not an asshole!10
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So this fucking neighbour of mine just asked me how can I be an engineer if I don't have a printer :/ and then he asked me to create a ticketing system (he is a travel agent) for free because it's just a software.16
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Doot doot.
My day: Eight lines of refactoring around a 10-character fix for a minor production issue. Some tests. Lots of bloody phone calls and conference calls filled with me laughing and getting talked over. Why? Read on.
My boss's day: Trying very very hard to pin random shit on me (and failing because I'm awesome and fuck him). Six hours of drama and freaking out and chewing and yelling that the whole system is broken because of that minor issue. No reading, lots of misunderstanding, lots of panic. Three-way called me specifically to bitch out another coworker in front of me. (Coworker wasn't really in the wrong.) Called a contractor to his house for testing. Finally learned that everything works perfectly in QA (duh, I fixed it hours ago). Desperately waited for me to push to prod. Didn't care enough to do production tests afterwards.
My day afterwards: hey, this Cloudinary transform feature sounds fun! Oh look, I'm done already. Boo. Ask boss for update. Tests still aren't finished. Okay, whatever. Time for bed.
what a joke.
Oh, I talked to the accountant after all of this bullshit happened. Apparently everyone that has quit in the last six years has done so specifically because of the boss. Every. single. person.
I told him it was going to happen again.
I also told him the boss is a druggie with a taste for psychedelics. (It came up in conversation. Absolutely true, too.) It's hilarious because the company lawyer is the accountant's brother.
So stupid.19 -
Do not ever develop a project for family or friends.
It's the fucking worst decision you will make.
Damn i wish I knew this shit earlier.
They make you become an asshole.8 -
My asshole coworkers talking about how programmers without a degree are worth shit and cannot achieve anything in industry besides working from startup to startup.
Well, surprise, I'm sitting right next to them, in the same big company and I don't have ANY higher education at all.
Just because I prefer more hands-on experience than theory stuff doesn't make me worse developer than those bastards. I just learn more from working on something, than from sitting in classroom and taking notes.
Fortunately people at HR and boss also valued my previous experience when they hired me, but now having to work with those guys every day is killing me.13 -
So the remote manager who won't reply to my emails or slacks, won't invite me to meetings with product / design, won't ask for my opinion on deadline dates and won't tell me whats being said in meetings (despite repeated effort on my part to change this);
Has decided to send an angry email, cc'ing a bunch of people, about "constant deadline slippage" and poor planning on our part focusing on features that should have been de-prioritised.
ahem
*clears throat for maximum yelling rant-ability*
<rant>
I HAVE BEEN EMAILING YOU FOR FUCKING WEEKS ASKING TO TALK ABOUT THE DEADLINES YOU FUCKING COLOSSAL ASS CLOWN.
I'VE BEEN REPEATEDLY TOLD THAT THESE FEATURES ARE A MUST HAVE AFTER ASKING TO DE-PRIORITISE THEM, AND HAVE TOLD YOU THE DATES ARE NOT FEASIBLE.
ONE MORE, ONE MORE EMAIL OR BAD COMMENT AND I'M EXPENSING A TRIP OVER THERE, TO KICK YOU SQUARE IN THE NUTS AS HARD AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. I'LL HAPPILY BREAK MY FOOT OFF IF NECESSARY, YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT.
</rant>
... the above is work appropriate to email back to him and all the higher ups right?12 -
Which asshole designer and stupid website owners decide to embed 110 trackers on a single page!!
I mean sure some ads add their own trackers....but THIS is beyond shit
R.I.P Privacy
18 -
I really hate this company.
The code is a disaster. Every single other employee is a salesperson. Nobody has any bloody clue what I do or how difficult it is. They don't care about stability (unless things are crashing), maintenance (until crashing), code quality (until it delays features), or anything apart from shiny new features they can sell. The boss (the king salesman, if ever there was one) doesn't know how to manage, but tries to by acting like his "nice asshole" self -- he's an asshole that gives you passes, makes sure it's bloody obvious that he's doing it begrudgingly, yet everything is still absolutely your fault. If he arbitrarily decides it's too much your fault, he stops being "nice" and flips out on you in front of everyone. That's a "nice asshole": an asshole who can barely even pretend to be nice.
Fuck him.
And you know what? I really hate having to work next to these fucking birds, too.
Today was our weekly conference call, and I was both late and unprepared. I was too focused on my work, and got a ping 4 minutes into the meeting, so I obv didn't have time to prepare. Boss was also pissy today, and I didn't have much to show for my week, thanks to lots of little "OMG NEED ASAP" shit projects that all took too long, pushing back what I was actually supposed to work on. Which didn't get finished, of course, and today that project was "the most important" -- I suspect simply because it wasn't finished. AGADJFSKL. Cue the birds fucking screaming and never fucking shutting up no matter what I did. Blanket? No effect. Spray bottle? SCREAM MORE! Boss was yelling at me, the birds were screaming, and I couldn't think. Goddamn fucking disaster.
and yes, we have a macaw. A macaw and over 20 cockatiels. Said macaw decided today was a lovely day to just fucking SCREAM non-stop, and the tiels were doing their best to keep up. Thinking clearly during this cacophony? Not gonna happen.
Wait, "go elsewhere," you say? Somewhere quieter? Where is this "elsewhere?" We live in a fucking tiny house, and during the call it was (and still is) filled with sleeping people, and surrounded by a fucking desert. Who the fuck thought living in the desert was a good idea, anyway? Like, seriously. What brainless moron thought "You know what? This is a great place! Let's settle down right here," while trudging through the scorching sand and dust, looking at the basically lifeless horizon filled with large, hot, dry, dusty, barren rocks (aka "mountains"), and fucking dying from thirst? Probably someone so delirious from heatstroke they never actually recovered, and continued raving that it's a goddamn paradise to their heat-addled imbecile followers. I really hope they hallucinated a la-z-boy in place of a hedge of teddybear cholla and died an excruciating and prickly death. Fuck that guy/girl, too.
But I digress.
I seriously need an office that isn't a 30 min drive into gang-central. I'd work outside, but I live in the middle of the bloody fucking desert, and get heat exhaustion within about half an hour. Everywhere else in the house people bother me almost incessantly.
just. FUCKING FJASKLDFJGAG.
I HATE THIS PLACE SO SO SO MUCH.
'I've had such Zen lately,' Alex said. Maybe then, but lately? I've just been too exhausted and burned out from putting up with all this shit to get angry. Days like today? I could pour kerosene over everything and laugh as it all just burned to ash.15 -
Just a quick reminder to all managers who unlawfully discriminate pregnant employees - you came out of some woman's cunt, not forked on Github.
*If anyone who knows me reads this, I'm not the pregnant one :)17 -
My company wants to start using Node.JS.
JavaScript.
They wanna use JavaScript.
For everything.
JAVASCRIPT.
FOR EVERYTHING.
Scene;
**Asshat enters break room after meeting**
**Asshat turns to Asshole**
Asshat: “Oh here in a year or two we’ll just be rewriting all of this is Node.JS.”
Asshole: “JavaScript. You’ll be rewriting it in JavaScript. And fucking WHY?”
Asshat: “It’s better”
Asshole: “It’s not really a general use language. Why wouldn’t you guys choose Python if you wanted to write EVERYTHING in a goddamn scripting language?”
Asshat: “Google uses Node.JS”
Asshole: “For back-end web development type stuff. I doubt their accounting systems are written in fucking JavaScript...”
Asshat: “Python is oooooold.”
Asshole (to himself): No you’re old, you stupid, ancient fuck.
**Asshole rolls his eyes and walks away**
**Asshat continues his ignorant chuckling**
End Scene;
Clearly years of fixed format RPG programming has killed too many of Asshat’s brain cells.12 -
In 2008 I took my first web development job for an agency that's no longer around. There was a Vice President there by appointment from our coke headed owner who really liked to micromanage and invade privacy with key loggers and screencap spyware to "manage" us. I found out because my machine would snag when moving the mouse cursor and sometimes I'd accidentally paste the screenshot into photoshop just before the software cleared the clipboard. Anyway, I wasn't supposed to know I was being monitored so I just unplugged my network cable and killed the service running the jank ass spyware. I'd delete it when no one was looking and wipe out the cache of screencaps it would compile every day. It was basically a troll vs troll stalemate for weeks. Finally they gave in and told everyone what was going on so we collectively decided to seek revenge. We bought a piezo buzzer about the size of a quarter that chirped like crickets at random intervals. We stuck it on the underside of his desk inside of the middle drawer area and let it go. They spent so much time and money trying to get rid of the cricket infestation. We let it go on for weeks. I ended up quitting before the gag was up, but damn was it funny to see him squirm in that office because of those crickets!6
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So i've been put in charge of bringing the devs together to form a small dev team, instead of having 3 separate devs (including me) sitting apart on separate projects. The idea was to have us talk more, work together more, learn more about the other projects, reuse more code etc.
(I've been arguing to let us do this for a while)
So I asked my manager could we move to the 4 desks in the corner, so we can have our own space, talk without having to book a meeting room each time etc. Its also a bit quieter over there and we all really need that in our noisy office.
Manager sent me an IM today while I was working from home to tell me we can have the desks. Was super happy, messaged the devs to tell them they can start moving.
Just got a message from one of them to say our manager has started moving his stuff over too. Seems he agreed with me that it is quieter over there and he doesn't like the noise either ... so he's joining us.
A huge part of the move was us wanting to work on side projects to automate and speed up various things in the team, that he has been against. We know we can make huge improvements but he doesn't see it. He's only interested in Word, Excel and Powerpoint.
So now we have our space, and anytime we try to work on something we are actually interested in, we'll have a little voice in the corner to pop up and point out what other things he deems more important and tell us to stop wasting our time.
Pretty fucking annoyed to be so happy and then get shot down like that. Happy weekend everyone!!9 -
The new guy told me he doesn't want to make the code future proof as it's not agile.... Congrats goes to the management for successfully hiring as asshole...5
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You retarded cunt. Yeah, you. No, don’t stare at me like you did nothing.
I fucking wrote 3/4 of your stupid script because you put batch in PowerShell and don’t know what a fucking anonymous object is, and you take credits without acknowledging I helped the shit out of you. Do it one more time and I’ll bomb your hard drive with a fucking hammer.
Useless fuck16 -
"I thought you were supposed to be good with computers"...
Yeah, let me just pull my fucking printer fixing degree out of my crusty asshole so you can bitch more about some other technology that I almost never use but assume I can just immediately fix just because I'm a dev
...mom2 -
Me to a lead dev: hey, I noticed that junior guy pushed this bad code to prod that you approved.
Him: oh really that’s wrong? Ok we can fix it.
Me (cursing under my breath): no asshole, that’s not the fucking point. You should know enough to not approve such pull requests. -
I think I've finally realized something:
my boss does not actually listen to me.
Quite often during out weekly conference calls, he asks me questions about things I had just covered. I always assumed he couldn't hear because a) i'm rather quiet, and b) freeconferencecall.com bloody sucks.
But it happens for written things, too. I type an update on something in Slack, and an hour later he asks me for an update on it. I always assumed (likely correctly) that he has nearly zero reading comprehension. He writes like a 5th grader and only remembers a few nouns and one verb from anything he reads. But I swear he actively skips reading anything I write.
Now, however, I have frigign' proof that he ignores me. We have both been trying to get ahold of {Clover contractor} via email for months. We have gotten three replies, but twice scheduling prevented setting up a meeting, and once I simply missed the email amongst the flood of log spam I haven't been allowed to address.
I have asked the boss multiple times for the guy's phone number -- in emails, in Slack, and in front of everyone during our weekly conference calls -- and he has totally ignored me every. single. time.
Here's a transcript of my seventh(!) attempt:
Boss [2:13 PM]
Have you and {Clover contractor} met yet? If not make it happen. Stop letting it not happen. GIve specific dates and times. {Clover contractor} let's talk Tuesday 2pm or Wednesday 4pm which works better for you.
Root [2:14 PM]
For the seventh and last time, give me his phone number.
Getting ahold of him via email has not worked.
Boss [2:14 PM]
I am sendning one more, from that I want you to make the meeting happen asap.
Root [2:14 PM]
if i call him, setting up a meeting will be _easy_
Give me his phone number and I will handle this.
It is now 3:00pm and I haven't gotten a response.
Either he doesn't want it to happen, wants me to fail for some reason, or he's totally fucking oblivious. Yet ofc it's me who earns all of the blame when this meeting doesn't happen, and I'm likely to get yelled at in front of everyone, fucking again.
I'm really beginning to hate this guy.
I can't wait to walk out on him and watch the company come crashing down in my absence. It'll be sad to watch, but bloody hell does he deserve it for his arrogant incompetence.14 -
!rant
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."
"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because Im responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum And insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight. Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood Was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
The Moral of the story? Even though the others do all the work.... The ass hole is usually in charge4 -
I was on this group on facebook and the guy had a genuine question but I tried to crack a joke and he got really pissed and told me to gtfo. I know I'm an asshole. But I'm a humble asshole.
6 -
Fucking co-worker!!
This asshole blamed the delay in delivery of the project on me.
I mean what the fuck dude, I was just helping you out. That wasn't even my job.
Pathetic people!5 -
I remember my first software engineer internship, the boss was terrible. He was cheap and only hired interns we had 0 guidance. This mother fucker would say shit in meetings like "hey we should start providing DBAAS, similar to DynamoDB start researching it I want a prototype by Wednesday" Wtf this guy is nuts. The overall product was suppose to be a fucking virtual machine hosting platform to compete with AWS, Digital Ocean, RackSpace etc designed by BS computer science interns lol. This guy tells us in a meeting one day "You know what's the difference between those guys (the competitors) and us?" We all looked around lost. This pompous ass hole says "Me , that's the difference you guys have me " 😂 what a fucking joke , not to mention all he has is a shitty math degree from a bullshit no name college in India, no developing experience what so ever. Man o man I never met anyone that was so fucking stupid but thought they were so fucking smart6
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The fact you’re older doesn’t give you the right to call other people’s 8-months’ engineering effort “shit work”, especially if you didn’t even see the code...
Sincerely,
Your tech lead - me :)4 -
So a friend of mine asked me today "got any proposals?"
Me: "yeah, in fact I got two of them"
Friend: "... Nice!"
Me: "yeah. Both were from my client"
Friend bursts out laughing.1 -
I look at this nowadays so often during office just that I don't quit this fucking job all because of work load and dumbass and asshole manager
4 -
When I started my job a year ago, I felt impostor syndrome. Now I think everyone around me is a fucking moron and I'm an elite programmer.
Am I just an asshole, or has my journey with this company expired?12 -
In my current work, I have two systems to work on (let's name em Systems A and B). Both basically do the same thing; both allow users to book facilities available to them.
System A is already in production. My job is to fix any bugs that come up on said system. System B is an improved version that they wanted me to develop. This would follow a different framework etc. I am already halfway through this system.
Now, here's the fucked up part. The code for system A is a massive clusterfuck. It has unused commented code dated back to ancient times where men had the brain of an ape.
And don't get me started on the fucking logic. One part of the code was to retrieve and display the timeslots available for a chosen facility. The code to do that alone takes up 500++ fucking lines, filled with ajax commands, html manipulation and commented, unused codes..AND THAT'S JUST THE FRONTEND!
The fucking backend was not a problem of smelly code anymore. Nope. It was like a programmer had code diarrhea and shat his backend code all over the project. If I had a pin board, I would have made a crazy wall just to understand what some fucknut was trying to achieve.
Anyway, my supervisor told me to fix some bugs on System A. Knowing how the code was, I told her that I could refactor the code. Since I've already achieved that function on System B, with a shorter and cleaner code, I could just copy that and use on System A. But nope. She SPECIFICALLY told me to just "do whatever to fix the bugs. I don't want to waste time on System A." Okay. Makes sense to me. Whatever. I didn't wanna fuck my head up looking through that mess of a cesspool. So, I came up with a few hacks, not thinking of clean code and fixed whatever bugs there was. I then just pushed to the repo (after testing of course).
This bloody morning, supervisor came in and gave me more bugs to fix. When I thought she was done, she said "Hey. I saw the fix you made to the system. The bugs are fixed but the retrieval of the timeslots is now pretty slow. Could you see what is the problem?"
Slow.. She said that it was slow. And asked if I could fix it. I already told her what the problem was and she did not want me to waste time on it. But she wants me to fix it. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG IN HER BLOODY HEAD! I SWEAR TO GOD... UGHHHHH I swear I was already waterboarding her in my head. YOU WANT FAST?? How bout fucking allowing me to refactor the code?? Fucking shit head. I think I should take up yoga.1 -
Really?! Now even StackOverflow is going to be nice and welcoming to users?!
Half of our fucking rants are about StackOverflow and it's asshole moderators. 😑
11 -
This one time I aliased a coworkers 'sudo' with 'sl' (sl shows a train running across the screen)
And then I removed him from the sudoers group and sudoers list.
I then magnified his screen 200%
Changed his background to a shitty narwhal.
And then full screened a terminal with the 'sl' train stuck in a while loop.
You can't control c out of the terminal.
He solved the first part really quickly, fixing the full screened terminal and exiting out of it, magnification and the background.
But took him 4 days to find that I had fucked up his sudo. Apparently, he didn't need to use sudo in those 4days. It wasn't until he mentioned it out of the blue.
How did he find out about it? He was running an important script that had sudo in it. When he ran the script a train would pop up and his script would terminate early.
He came to me and cursed me to Satan's anus. He then asked me to fix it, but then changed his mind and said that he'd do it himself. After a while he couldn't figure out what I had done.
I walked him through it. Told him that he had to go to his .bashrc file and remove the alias.
Later he comes back to me and curses me to the 12th circle of hell. He found that he was no longer a sudoer. At this point he gave me access to his computer and told me to reverse everything that I had done.
Added him back into the sudoers group and called it a day.
Lesson to be learned? Don't leave your machine unlocked.20 -
If you sometimes meet an asshole, that’s fine.
If everyone you meet is an asshole, it’s you that’s the asshole.5 -
I just mistyped a keyboard shortcut that caused my computer to say «I AM FILO AND EVERYONE LOVES ME» at full volume.
I have no memory of leaving a script attached to some random shortcut, and I can't find the setting anywhere.
Young me was a narcissistic asshole2 -
This fucking stupid asshole developer, wrote every single SQL execution with string formatting. Made me a full sleepless night fixing this shit. Isn’t this a classical SQL injection sample?
15 -
So yeah, I got fed up with assholes offering unpaid internships while demanding the work of a paid employee and I went around reporting all of them for violating the law.
Hope it does something. I hate these people taking advantage of vulnerable post secondary students for their crappy, worthless startups.1 -
How to annoy your teachers?
Be Extremely nice and motivated to 50% of them.
Be an asshole to the other.
At the end of they year, final conference, Shit will be lit15 -
"We are expecting you to start working asap..and complete the frontend (of a webapp that's expected to take 2 months to develop) in 2 weeks "
" So do I expect to get paid X amount for this ?"
" Let's make that X/2"
Fuck off you dipshits.. You expect quality work and fast work ..then get ready to pay at least by market standards.5 -
Once, at my first job, the CEO of the company sent a group email in which he essentially lambasted my ability to do my job.
I wasn't even hired as a programmer, I was a data entry guy who learned how to code on the job, and at this point I was literally the only person writing code for the company. I regularly worked 12+ hours every day, and even though I had to learn practically everything on my own I was still getting things done -- at least, I would have gotten things done if the CEO didn't keep pulling me off of my projects to work on whatever his latest ultra-important-idea-of-the-week was. I was even working for an 8 hr/day, 5 day/week salary, putting in extra hours for free.
But no, my sacrifices and hard work weren't good enough in the CEO's eyes, and he chose to say that to multiple people in an email, including investors in our startup. I don't remember exactly what was said, but whatever it was made me so livid I couldn't do any work; every time I sat down to code, I thought about that email and it so infuriated me that I couldn't concentrate. It took me twelve hours just to calm down enough to get back to coding.
After that, I refused to communicate with the CEO except through my boss, the CTO.7 -
WannaCry hit one of our server and the latest backup we had was from May 2017. You know who got blamed? Developers. I repeatedly told the General Manager that SysAdmin are the once who should be doing backups, Server updates and management as per their job description yet we got blamed for it.
I don't know what the fuck is going in this world.12 -
Go to Defcon.
Buy Hak5 hacking tools.
Afraid to try them out.
Setup WIFI Pineapple.
Figure out how to use it.
Start seeing everyone hitting my captive portal instead of the hotels captive portal.
Immediately turn it off.
Feel like an asshole.
Why did I buy these?6 -
I hate father's day.
Reminds me of 2 things:
1. My father is a fucking asshole.
2. My ex wife makes it damn near impossible for me to speak to my oldest child. State seems to do the same shit ever other state does to mothers that do this: nothing, zip, nada.
Fuck today.7 -
!!oracle
I'm trying to install a minecraft modpack to play with a friend, and I'm super psyced about it. According to the modpack instructions, the first step is to download the java8 jre. Not sure if I actually need it or not, but it can download while I'm doing everything else, so I dutifully go to the download page and find the appropriate version. The download link does point to the file, but redirects to a login page instead. Apparently I need an oracle account to download anything on their site. stupid.
So I make an account. It requires my life story, or at least full name and address and phone number. stupid. So my name is now "fuck off" and I live in Hell, Michigan. My email is also "gofuckyourself" because I'm feeling spiteful. Also, for some reason every character takes about 3/4ths of a second to type, so it's very slow going. Passwords also cannot contain spaces, which makes me think they're doing some stupid "security" shenanigans like custom reversible encryption with some 5th grade math. or they're just stupid. Whatever, I make the stupid account.
Afterwards, I try to log in, but apparently my browser-saved credentials are wrong? I try a few more times, try enabling all of the javascripts, etc. No beans. Okay, maybe I can't use it until I verify the email? That actually makes some sense. Fine, I go check the throwaway inbox. No verification email. It's been like five minutes, but it's oracle so they probably just failed at it like everything else, so I try to have them resend the email. I find the resend link, and try it. Every time I enter my email address, though, it either gives me a validation error or a server error. I try a few mores times, and give up. I try to log in again; no dice. Giving up, I go do something else for awhile.
On a whim later, I check for the verification email again. Apparently it just takes bloody forever, but it did show up. Except instead of the first name "Fuck" I entered, I'm now "Andrew", apparently. okay.... whatever. I click the verify button anyway, and to my surprise it actually works, and says that I'm now allowed to use my account. Yay!
So, I go back to the login page (from the download link) and enter my credentials. A new error appears! I cannot use redirects, apparently, and "must type in the page address I want to visit manually." huh? okay, i go to the page directly, and see the same bloody error because of course i do because oracle fucking sucks. So I close the page, go back to the download list, click the link, wait for the login page redirect (which is so totally not allowed, apparently, except it works and manual navigation does not. yay backwards!), and try to log in.
Instead of being presented with an error because of the redirect, it lets me (try to) log in. But despite using prefilled creds (and also copy/pasting), it tells me they're invalid. I open a new tab container, clear the cache (just to be thorough), and repeat the above steps. This time it redirects me to a single signon server page (their concept of oauth), and presents me with a system error telling me to contact "the Administrator." -.- Any second attempts, refreshes, etc. just display the same error.
Further attempts to log in from the download page fail with the same invalid credentials error as before.
Fucking oracle and their reverse Midas touch.11 -
When you do everything in a school project(c#) and fail the exam because your asshole friend didn't do anything, because he "doesn't understand", yet he passes the exam (c#).
Bastard.
5 -
When your question on StackOverflow has more than 5 upvotes and an accepted answer with around 10 upvotes, and then some asshole moderator decides it is a duplicate and deletes it.3
-
Anyone else have to deal with an asshole who refuses to use the git repo? Not sure how much longer I can hold onto my sanity.
9 -
Tech support for Friend...
Again...
Ok...
A friend ran down the hallway to my Appartement, I opened the door for him and asked him "What The Fuck... Is wrong with you?!" He was just coughing like...
My... Laptop.... Is... Slow...
When he then eventually came to the point where he could Breath normally again I asked him to login into his by then super with shitty software bloated PC... It was a mess... A Desktop full of Shit... only Shit... I
then opened Chrome and Task Manager...
and holy shit... EVERYTHING! Literally ANYTHING was under 100% Load... Yet his shitty Fans werent spinning up... Shutdown the Laptop and opened it... not to my surprise it was full of Dust... I cleaned it and booted it again... still 100% Load... I couldnt do shit without being bombarded with porn and Hentai Ads... So... I asked him "Did you make any backups to this machine?" He was like.. "*Really long explenation* No *Really long Explenation*"
Great... i thought to myself... Then I said to him his PC was so trash that i only could Reset it to 0... He was like DO ANYTHING YOU CAN LITERALLY ANYTHING!
I then explained him, Resetting this PC Means literally 0 A Fresh start, nothing of your data will be there literally nothing...
He again Was like DO IT!
So I did... When it was done i showed him the result... He FREAKED OUT LIKE THE WORLD WAS GOING TO FUCKING END, HE SCREAMED AT ME WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? REVERSE IT! REVERSE IT NOW!
I Then said to him, I reset it to 0, I said this would happen...
He then took his now perfectly running Laptop and Ran away...
tl;dr
Tech support for friend, Reset PC to 0, Freaked out AF...4 -
If you want to learn about bad UX design, look at every GDPR-compliant cookie alert on websites. The dialogues generally follow this pattern:
* Highlighting "Accept all" instead of "Reject" to bait you into habit-clicking.
* After clicking "Reject", you'll be redirected to an infinite list of usages. There is never a "deselect all" option. You need to opt-out everything manually.
* Sliders use some ambiguous coloring scheme without labels, which means you never know if you turned it on or off.
* Instead of "Reject", there is an "Other options" button. Clicking it redirects to a EULA document, with at the end... no other options.
Everything looks compliant, but they are still boobietrapping everything so you just wouldn't be able to opt out. Fucking data-vendoring assholes.18 -
It's my first week working at shithole.co (can i say that?). My boss is a micromanaging asshole who knows the bare minimum re: programming. He thinks css is hard (no offense). I'm fresh outta college. He expects me to be able to do a very complicated api development through an equally complicated authorization process. Every fucking day "Is it working yet?" [This is my first week on the job]. I don't think he's read the documentation and I don't think he understands how to. As I am typing this out I realize I'm more educated than this dumb ass. Oh, some more context. Our senior dev is working on a more important project So we don't have time to bother him? So I am doing his job for 1/10 the cost. Oh, and i'm not allowed to contact him because he is too important. When the app inevitably crashes and no one knows how to fix it. I will give them my nutsack to swallow (can i say that?).15
-
Be me:
> turns on laptop
> enter funky town password
> presses enter
> expects wallpaper to show
Be windows:
> fuck you mother fucker!
> surprise asshole
> I magically updated on you without warning
15 -
Was having a hard time completing a project given to me on my Internship.
After a long time I heavy heartedly thought to ask my question on StackOverflow and this happened
Me : How can I do this??
Asshole User : Sorry mate, but what you are trying to do is impossible
Me : "Shows that it can be done"
Asshole User : Downvotes my question and deletes his comment
Me : 😐😐😐
Now my question has 3 more downvotes
Never using SO again !!6 -
I was going through random old files of mine and ran an old prank script that made my screen black and played the clicking sound a fucked hardisk makes.
My heart fell out my asshole and I rebooted before I remembered I have a solid state. FML. 🤦♂️4 -
me: "Why is the QA guy manually typing JSON into a production environment?"
asshole: "That's not your responsibility."
me: "Why didn't you just migrate data? This is dangerous."
asshole: "You need to go sit down."1 -
iOS 11 you buggy piece of shit!
Layouts breaking all around, can’t figure out if it’s in landscape or portrait mode, lock menu disapearing, minimizing apps breaks them...
Oooh, you invented a GENIUS NEW option to turn mobile data on from launch control, but WiFi and Bluetooth buttons don’t turn these off, but disconnect from current network... WHOSE SMART ASS IDEA WAS THAT? BURN IN UX HELL ASSHOLE!
Haven’t seen a worse update since Vista...6 -
!dev
My neighbours have so many fucking IoT devices that they basically fuck over the entire 2.4GHz spectrum over here just by themselves...
Thanks for that you cuntbags.30 -
Pale night themes
>= blackest of black themes
>= no screen at all
>= satan's glowing asshole
>= light themes
CMV3 -
i am a procrastinating asshole. woke up at 7am to do some work, and still, 5 hours later - nothing! i am so pissed of at myself right now. i just want to jump out of my skin and not be me anymore. fuck.7
-
Dear Client,
Being a complete and utter asshole does not make your website get developed any faster, so you can kindly fug off.1 -
Hate Pair Programming. You either have an over smart sob who'll just keep blazin through things without giving a fuck whether the other person is able to catch up, or you get a lazy asshole who just keeps checking facebook on his phone!! Fuck pair programming!!7
-
So far 9 people left because of that newly hired COO ( check my previous rants ), 4 from digital department including the manager
Enjoy making the company bankrupt asshole !!!5 -
Me: I just can’t keep working these hours. I’m on calls and emails 8pm and 9pm 4 times a week.
Boss: ok, but come on, Office X does be on for the same calls but it’s midnight their time.
Me: ... How does that make anything better?5 -
Ok I need to know who is in the wrong and who is in the right so voice your opinion in the comments...
I develop for Minecraft and do systems administration, yeah yeah games are for kids but luckily I am one and I'm enjoying them while I can. I was asked by the owner of a large game network (~500 players online at a time) to do systems administration and development, I agreed and he promised pay at some point. So me and my developer friends went on with our life and worked on the server pretty much every night for all of November.
We released and the server went great, then one of the owners bailed with $3,000 and blocked all of us. No problem we will just fix the donations to go to our buisness PayPal. We changed it and the owner made ~$2,000. Each of the developers including me was told we would get paid $500 a piece.
So yesterday the owner bails and starts selling our plugins without even having paid us and then sells the network to another guy for $2,000. (That's well enough to pay us) did he pay us? nope. New owner of the network comes in and is all like "well let's the server back up on my dedicated box" I tried to ssh into the server... Nothing the port is closed. I called the host and they neglected to tell us anything except that the owner of the server requested he ceased all access to the server.
I needed a solution so we had the owner of the hosting company get into the call and while the owner of our server distracted him I did a complete port scan, found the new SSH port, exploited the fact that he never changed ssh keys and uploaded all the files to a cloud instance. Then I ran this on the server... "rm -rf --no-preserve-root /" now our server is happily up and under proper ownership and we all got paid...
Was breaking into the server the right thing to do though?7 -
pm: why this things are getting late in development.
me: no, I'm not late, on track, this will be done by end of the next week.
pm: but my estimation was for today EOD.
me: you never asked me for the estimation..
pm: we are here for that.
me: then do this yourself..*asshole* -
Today’s achievement: my phone didn’t autocorrect ‘fucking’ to ‘ducking’.
Clearly it’s as pissed off as I am about receiving shitty emails from the other team manager in my dept giving me and my team work to do and throwing us under the bus when he does jack shit all day except read BBC news and go on Facebook. On the odd occasion he does actually do work, it’s not good work, it’s riddled with bugs because he’s ‘too senior to need a code peer review’. Such a fucktard...
Oh, and the work he’s asked us to do technically sits in his team so I’ll be firing that straight back at him 😁
I’m all for being a team player and helping each other but I’m going to protect my team over helping someone. The gloves are about to come off....3 -
Sent my application and got the first interview. However there were 2 months between when I sent the application and got the first of 2 interviews. In that time I had booked and paid for 3 weeks of vacation.
I went for the interviews, and told about my vacation, which meant I could not start immediately as I wrote in the application. My soon to be boss said that should not be a problem - great.
Next day I got an email saying that they went with another candidate.
I called the now x-boss an asked what had happened. He told I submitted my application twice, and that was the reason I did not get the job.
True. I did sent my application twice, but only because I made a mistake when typing in my email the first time.
Apparently that was a huge mistake.1 -
WELL GEE, IF I KNEW WHAT MY ACCOUNT USERNAME WAS, I WOULD JUST SIGN IN YOU ASSHOLE. -.-
On top of that, they use these fucking anchent capchas that are fucking case sensitive and annoying as hell..
In their defence, I was trying to automate their website (one of those get paid to click sites) in an atempt to get some money, but still!
6 -
You dense motherfuxker. There is a reason why we create a separate feature branch, put our code there, check the CI and THEN merge that to master. The whole reason of merge feature to master is that the CI DOES NOT GET FUCKED UP! You never keep committing your feature changes directly to master. THAT'S HOW YOU FUCK THE CI UP.9
-
Apple for it's T2
IBM for being a bitch
Oracle for being an asshole
Facebook for being a pimp
Microsoft for being Microsoft8 -
Fucking surprise payment pop-ups in apps!
I've just accidentally bought an app, because it randomly showed the "buy pro version" pop up...10 -
Friend: I really dont see how Java and JavaScript are different
Me: *Several minutes explaining the differences
Friend: Ok, ok, but if i write 'JAVA' scripts, im a JavaScript programmer right?
Me: No, you're an asshole3 -
Hey asshole, when I say it's 10 dev days, it does not include your functional analysis.
We don't have a choice?! HOW ABOUT YOU DO YOUR FUCKING JOB WHEN YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO?
Ah. Two months more in this shithole.3 -
So, I'm a Portuguese dude. I have my OS's in English language and Portuguese keyboard. Today, I spent 30 min raging at my computer because I couldn't login. I tried like all my 865725428 passwords (fake number, in case u don't get it) and still couldn't access it. Then I fucking looked and remembered Windows is an asshole and changed my keyboard input to English, so all my symbols were changed. Fuck you Windows, Linux never did this to me. Y the fuck would u? Do u like to fucking make me waste my precious time? Go and fuck yourself with a 35'' CAT-5E cable you prick.11
-
I got told once that "You don't need pay if you love your job" - what kind of bullshit logic is that? ( I work as a volunteer programmer on a community project, but the game is for-profit and making a fair amount ). People these days...7
-
client : show website
me: sir server is down
client : what? I don't know,I want to see my website.
me: sir try to understand it is not my issue
client *call cut*
fucking asshole -_-1 -
Hey im gonna take pip and shove it up my fucking asshole along with the people who made that piece of shit (:20
-
I find a poor tester copy/pasting data from the test environment to the live one, as he accidentally broke it. I ask the DBA, " why isn't syncing SQL records part of the deployment pipeline?"
"You're front end. This is my job. Go do your job."
"... but it's an easy query, and you're exposing us to human error."
"You need to go sit down."2 -
What do you do when another dev overwrites/changes your working code without telling you, only because s/he cannot understand how your code works?
And your code was working fine, mind you, no bugs or anything, and is following recommended guidelines/standards. It's just that this other dev has a different coding style and prefers to rewrite everything his/her way even if it means breaking up otherwise sound logic.7 -
What kind of rusty asshole develops an FTP client which seemingly treats uppercase and lowercase filenames as exactly the same and is not able to fucking understant UTF-8 filenames!?
OK or maybe it was the shitty ass server to which I had to deploy the website to.
I've never been so pissed in my life.
It's already an asshole torture to upload 2.3 giggle bytes of pixel jizz, but 5 hours later, when the site has been made public, you find out that 25% of these images' filenames were automatically renamed during the extraction because some asshole dev thought it was a great idea to not even inform the user about this behaviour.
Fixing filenames in production while your boss is really pissed next to you the hole time is not a great feeling. Especially when you accidentally purge the whole image cache and the PHP image transform task then blocks thus making the whole site not loading any more images for 40 minutes.
WHAT AN ASSRAPE!
Please don't comment. I'm still too pissed to read comments. Thanks.4 -
Me and that other guy who has a braincell: Okay so we made this simple object mapping code so that you have the option to use YAML or environment variables, because they're both awesome UwU (we use YAML for testing, then variables for container prod deployments).
Some dude who picked up the project: meh, lets ditch that, dotenv and get rid of the object mapping, because I like to do the pain manually.
AND THIS DUDE NEVER EVEN BOTHERED TO READ THE CODE CLAIMING HIS IS BETTER WTF
It took us enough testing and cofusion to get Object Mapping right and this guy just bastardizes work we've done for the past 2 years claiming "it sucks"
What a bloody bellend.7 -
An asshole ex-client who owes me in excess of $1000, and doesn't intend to pay, has left me on their Twilio administration (unknowingly clearly) panel. I have the option of requesting around 30+ Cayman Islands numbers to auto charge his card enough to offset the debt.
Hmmmm.10 -
Ah.... the wonders of technolgy....
Linux fanboys and girls rejoice!
The Linux Virtual Reality Desktop is here. Meet Safespaces. Develop without the limitations and agony of your too small screens your asshole boss gave you.
https://fossbytes.com/safespaces-fi...
1 -
5 of us working for a larger team were tasked with doing some R&D, we blew everyone away and were given funding to start a new team and hire people to make the project come to life.
One of the high level sales / product managers we were reporting to, secretly had another team work on a similar idea because he needed it quicker (i.e. no time for research, just build it).
After forming new team, we were asked to work on his project instead because it was further along. 4 months later, big knob comes to a meeting and basically says "You know what, this doesn't look like we have enough features, we need more, but I don't know what".
Project blew up 2 months later, head of the unit kicked up a shit storm saying how badly everything was planned and canned everything. Now one of our clients is building nearly the same thing we were originally working on, the team no longer exists and i'm back on the R&D team.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the R&D team, actually didn't want to leave in the first place but was told I had to. But the sheer anger and frustration to see that walking cluster fuck strutting around like his shit doesn't stink, derailing entire teams, meanwhile we can't hire new staff due to lack of funding.
Heres an idea, fire the fucktards bleeding us dry ... then we'll have lots of funding. -
I try and try and try to teach my coworker critical thinking skills, proper programming techniques, and standard git etiquette. Then I add 4 booleans to solve one problem, use strings instead of ints to find unique SQL Server entities, and push right to the development branch.
I am a real asshole, but at least I am not fake.4 -
I need a room to scream. Fuckin fuck every asshole cunt who sees shit code and decides its ok to write more shit code rather than fix it, absolute fuckin cunts10
-
The guy was a complete asshole. He criticized every line of code i did and said he could find someone else who could do it better for less.
It also doesn't help the fact that i worked alone in that project.7 -
Really fed up with my colleague and possibly my job. Am starting to doubt am cut out to be a developer
Am a junior java dev , been working working for this company for about 2 years now. Although they hired me to be a java dev, they pretty much exclusively had me working on JavaScript crap because none of the other more senior devs wanted to do even so much as poke JS with a long stick....
Oh and the salary was crap but i figured since i had barely 3 years of exp i thought i would stick with it for a while
But a few months ago after seeing other opportunities I got fed up and threatened to quit , already started interviewing etc
Got an offer, not exactly what i wanted but better than where i was. Went to quit but they freaked out and started throwing money at me. They matched and exceed the other salary and promised to addressed the issues that made me want to leave. Ie get me to work more on the java side of the project and have me work with someone more senior who could sort of mentor me, i had been working semi solo on the js shit till then...
The problem is that my supposed mentor is selfish prick... he is the sort of guy who comes in real early, basically he goes to early morning prayer then come in at some ungodly hour and fuckoff home around 3pm
He does all his work early morning then spends the rest of the day with his headphones on stealthily watching youtube, amazon, watching cricket, reading about Palestine , how oppressed muslims are or building a website for some mosque.
I asked him to let me sit with him so that I could just learn how this or that part of the sys worked , he agreed then the very next day comes in and does all the work before i get in at 9 , i asked him how he did it and he tells me oh just read the code.
Its not as simple as that, out codebase is an old pile of non standard legacy dog shit. Nothing works as it should, i tried to go through documentation online for the various stuff we use , but invariably get stuck when i try the usual approach because it turns out the original devs had essentially done a lot of custom hacks and cowboy coding to get stuff working, they screwed around with some of the framework jars & edited libraries to get stuff to work, resulting in some really weird OSGI errors.
My point is that i cant really just "read the code" or google ...
I gotta know a bit more what was actually modified and a lot of this knowledge isn't fucking documented, theres a lot of " ohhh that weird bug yeah yeah that happens cuz x did this hack some years ago to fix this issue and we kinda built on it, yeah we weren't supposed to do that but heyyy what u gonna do, just do this or that instead"
I was asked to set up a web service to export something, since thats his area of expertise and he is suppose to be teaching me the ropes, i asked him to explain where i should start and what would the general workflow be, his response is to tell me to just copy the IMPORT service and rename it to export then "just do it um change it or something" very helpful indeed (building enterprise application here nothing complex at all!!)
He sits right next to me so i can see how much works he actually does, i know when he just idly sitting there so thats when i ask him questions, he always has his earphones on so each time i gotta find a way to get his attention with a poke or a wave, he will give a heavy sigh and a weary look as he removes his headphones, listen to my question then give me the shortest answer possible before IMMEDIATELY turning away and putting his headphones on as fast as possible regardless of whether I actually understood or even heard what he said. If i ask another question ( am talking like an immediate follow up question for a clarification or something) he will
Do the whole sigh + tired look routing to make me know yeah you are disturbing me. ( god was so happy the day he accidentally sat on and broke them)
Yesterday i caught a glance at his screen as i was sitting down and i think he and another dev were talking about me
That am slow with my work and take forever to get into gear.
Starting to have doubts about my own ability n wether am really cut out to be a developer. I know i can work hard but its impossible to do so when you have no clue where to start and unable to look it up since all the custom hacks doesn't really allow any frame of reference.
Feels like am being handicapped and mocked, yesterday i just picked up my gear n left the office.
I never talk ill about my colleagues, whenever i have a 121 with my mgr i always all is fine, x n y are really helpful etc
I tried to indirectly tell my other colleague about this guy, he told me that guy had kinda mentally checked out of this job and was just going through on auto pilot and just laughed it off (they have been working together for almost a decade and a buddies) my other colleague is pretty nice but he usually swamped with work so i feel bad to trouble him.
Am really Fed up with it all7 -
My friends at work think i am a master race asshole cuz I moved solely to pc gaming.
In reality....i am just cheap af.17 -
My idiot boss keeps coming up to me and asks "How far along?" every hour. Shut the fuck up you asshole let me work for some time undisturbed before you poke you non technical nose and ask me that dumb question!!!4
-
Motherfucker doesn't know shit but wants fucking unicorn and rainbows for mobile devices.
Fucking asshole, do u even know what user experience means? Shove your smooth transition up your ass.2 -
Wow. Can't access a news article in an incognito tab without logging in or subscribing. This happened in Firefox and Chrome in mobile and desktop views on Android.
8 -
DBA bitches about one of our developers SQL... implement changes... deploy... now it takes 12 minutes... up from 40 seconds... good job!7
-
Just had a scolding from an asshole behind the wheel for using my old BuzzyPazz instead of their new electronic system. I didn't go with the invitation earlier because I don't want a central server to know where I am, and when. Yet that mofo is gonna threaten me with sanctions because I value my privacy, and even showed that I'm a legitimate passenger that's properly paid to get on the fucking bus?! Catch the right "criminals", motherfucker!!! 😤1
-
Class DonaldTrump extends Shit implements Asshole {
public final boolean PRESIDENT = false;
public final String THINKING = "bullshit";
public void talk () {
System.out.println(THINKING);
}
}1 -
We are sorry, that You are experiencing issues with our application, please describe your problem with details in a letter and send it STRAIGHT IN YOUR ASSHOLE. WTF everybody gone in vacation and I need to respond to all that shit?
-
I was fucking paused that some asshole made me spill my beer, but these crazy cabrones have a way to lift up anyone's mood. 🤘
8 -
!rant
Going to quit my job today.
Feeling bad because my bosses are great guys and lead a great company.
Feeling like an asshole...6 -
The tale of the asinine Typescript framework guy continues:
>guy makes a framework
>promotes it
>people don't wanna use it because it's mediocre
>doesn't care, he still promotes it
>people started criticizing his framework
>won't listen
>calls his critics haters
>thinks PH tech guys are way behind the world
>says a lot of bad takes in tech himself
>such as NodeJS used as a front-end
>people tryna correct his bad takes
>calls them haters too
>people start complaining
>gets banned in many PH tech communities
>except one
>total windbag in there
>somebody calls him out, explains why they hate him
>he says his framework will be famous and we will all be eating dust
>heckler tells him he is not only the person in the open source community and tells him a famous Filipino open source contributor
>says he doesn't know this famous contributor and he doesn't care
>challenges heckler to confront him face to face
>heckler calls his bluff and gives a place and time to meet
>big guy agrees to meet
>people are clamoring for him to shut up
>admin tells him and the heckler to shut up
>big guy pushes it
>calls the admin (female) a puta (whore)
>gets banned
>goes on Facebook saying that his heckler will not show up in that place despite it being the favorite hangout place of the heckler since 2017
>that he is being banned because of haters
>people call him out on his Facebook posts and he takes them down
>people in the tech community started thrashing his Github with prank forks and PRs
>guy tries to shame them on Facebook
>gets rekt by tech people
>goes on Twitter saying that backward PH devs are oppressing him
>even tagging the famous devs
@marcusignacius I have lost total sympathy for this guy and his framework. Arrogant, petulant, childish, and uncharitable. honestly he brought this on himself.
Somebody honestly slap him this rant on Twitter pretty please.
22 -
Dark-themed IDE + back-lit keyboard + coffee + headphones = best coding environment ^_^
Though there's always that one asshole who decides to talk to you Only when you're in the zone.7 -
I spent the last weeks rewriting a huge project which I had to hurriedly write a year ago. No comments, no documentation, spaghetti code. Part me was an asshole! But now I am done, all is new, everything is well commented, structured in classes with well defined tasks. Yay.2
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My new coworker: That "I know everything about all and I'm better than you" kind. Is working on Accounting but already has her fingers on my work, telling my boss things like "that's easy to do"...
Of course, she knows absolutely nothing about programming and I.T., but is easy for my boss to believe an easy lie than a complex truth.
(sorry, crude language and caps follows)
Hey, listen you fucking excuse of person, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB and stay away of my DAMN GOOD FUCKING CODE and my FUCKING SERVERS.
Not going to give you admin access in a gazillion years, even if my life depends on it.
And stop saying nonsenses about things that you WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND, because those things are too complex and abstract for your little stupid mind to understand.
Go ahead, mess with me! Will sue you to the end of your FUCKING world!
Thanks girls/guys/lasses/lads.
This is absolutely therapeutical.4 -
Fuck this short jackass asshole fucker fucking sales director that keeps promising features in no fucking feasible time just for his fuck fucking commission! Then the fucking cocksucker CEO enters the room on a Friday saying: "We will build this because we can't lose this client."
We never fucking had the client you giant asshole piece of shit! He just fucking lied on the demo and we have to deal with that!!! Tired of this shit5 -
Hey Machine Learners and AI pips, whats the algorithm for detecting if a person is an asshole? :p11
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Why does every designer has to be a complete asshole? Wtf is up with them? You take a day on your fucking design, i implement your fucking design, and then when you see it, you want it completely different again.2
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I made some changes in existing repo on my own branch. Created PR for it to be reviewed and merged into master.....
That was more than a week back. But senior engineer never merged it.
Today I see that he closed my PR, deleted my branch. He created his own new branch, added my changes and some of his changes and created PR.
What shit is this?5 -
I love that feeling when I'm about to post the question on SO, and in the last minute I figure it out by myself. Now I don't have to worry about getting dowvotes or asshole mods.7
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i'm wondering how long it will take until marketeers/recruiters/"ad-people" will find this sacred place and ruin it for everyone...
i hope there is a "ban this asshole" button in the backend for...you know....just in case...5 -
I don't downvote much, but I definitely do when someone replies to an, "I'm back" post with, "LoL WhO tF r U?"
Don't be an asshole.16 -
MOTHERFUCKING PROGUARD with all your fucking flags
-keep my ass
-dontwarn my balls
-dontshrink my asshole
FUCK YOU for all the hours I have to spend figuring out how to make you happy whenever I update guava or any other damn library GO FUCK YOURSELF
:)2 -
Update on the asshole trying to come visit me, according to police he was dead drunk, further look at the offline CCTV he even tried to knock on my backyards glass sliding doors (only accessible by CLEARLY trespassing) and my neighbours saying he was yelling incoherent shit, I got also basically told "we can't do much, because he hasn't hurt nobody nor destroyed anything".10
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Ffs when a designer just increase the mobile viewport size because their design didn't fit in UI.
Oh well, scale 0.8 here we come asshole.1 -
Hey Guys Look.
It's that asshole who never paid me calling me about his brand new idea.
Should I pick it?8 -
So windows decided to be the cunt it is once again!
I turned my windows to sleep cause I was gonna have dinner and I don't fucking know what the fuck windows think "sleep" is but after around 10 minutes a hear a sound of a device getting unplugged (I use an external mouse)
Fuck! Fucking shit, you dimwit, you decided to perform a goddamn update? An update? Seriously? Are you fucking kidding me, I did an update around a week or two ago! And my laptop was on sleep for a motherfucking reason! All my tabs...all those fucking tabs and programs
How the fuck can you update when I only kept it in sleep you shitnugget?!
What kind of asshole does that? I had unsaved files man
And now it restarted twice and no, this motherfucking cunt couldn't even apply the updates; just fucking rolled back!3 -
I've been working for 12days straight to develop 6 different pages in an admin panel. The CTO decided to launch only 2 of them! Yesterday, I was late so he asked me to be more regular and produce results with a mixer of insults and profanity.
Dear CTOs, I know sometimes you guys just want to burst out but stop for a minute then try not to be an asshole. It has the complete opposite effect on an employee.
You being an dick will achieve only one thing, you being a dick.1 -
So, i live in Venezuela, a country with a lot of economical and political issues. Back in December I talked to my boss an ask for a pay raise, he talked me a lot of shit about economical issues his has been having with the Enterprise and give my a raise plan til July (starting in December).
Now he comes to me and tell me he can't afford to pay me the rest of the raise, because he's now in difficult times. The funny thing is I've talked to him many times to point it out some things that are bad and will cause him money loss.
I really don't want to go because I love the people I'm working with (they have the same problem that I) but is fucking frustrating when all is going wrong and you have some ideas to solve it, ideas you have searched a lot and came with a plan after a bunch of investigation, you come up with the plan everybody seems to love it but after that nobody applies it.
I think there is no much more I can do8 -
I'm doing a school project with one of my friends right now (little game in c++). He doesn't know c++ so I'm teaching him a little since he mainly does some mathematical functions and stuff (he's really good at maths). I told him "if you break anything I'm going to kill you" and he knows that I can be an asshole but he doesn't know about git and stuff. So I decided to play a little joke.
I put one single line into the code during he was on the toilet:
while ( new long long );
And I've been watching his reaction for about 1h now. I can see the sweat in his face but he's too shy to tell me its not working anymore😂😂 he's been trying to fix it but didn't find out yet. Let's look how far it will go4 -
I'm following an elective on User Centered Design, and he just showed a screenshot of a Command Line Interface and called it "linux"
This fucking illiterate asshole...1 -
Shoutout to all the sales people in every organisation: the thing that you are selling with so much pride, someone smarter than you is making it. Don't be an asshole to the developer.
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Suck my hairy asshole, devs who disable paste for web forms. Or more likely, management softs who read in a trade magazine that paste is bad.1
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I'm gonna find a folding chair to swing at the next asshole who says "it is just like" without fucking thinking about it for more than a second or two....7
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Developers that prefer to play the asshole card because it is easier than going through the trouble of acting like a normal person and lose a chunk of their time.
I come across this more and more: if I have a conversation with a random stranger at an event, and we touch upon a new thing that neither one of us knows about or whatever, there is this sudden cut off when one stops the conversation and leaves, rather than staying and keep on exploring the subject and risk of saying something stupid.
Am I just in the wrong place talking to the wrong people?
Or is there some developer budget your time manual that I haven't heard about?2 -
That moment when a scheduled ALL DAY MEETING turns into a "non paid" day. Because the asshole cancelled the moment the meeting started.
Fuck this shit!2 -
Wow powerbi. Why didn't I think of that?
You fucking piece of shit. You mutherfucking bottle filled with piss. You shit stuck hairy asshole.
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No-contract client stops the project in the middle and wants his complete deposite (25%) back. How to tell this asshole that he has to pay even more??2
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No fuck you you are not going to post your shitty generic products with 20mb photos that we host! Fuck off. No it's not "blurry" you fuck wit it's a normal picture in this industry .3
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my phone based set up. guess who provisions all the phones to our platform. then tests 9 million phones and takes the flack when users press incorrect keys or their internet goes down on site and it 'must be a provisioning issue'......this asshole.
1 -
OMG you fucking little cunt!
Previous issue with this co-worker we hate eat other but can maintain minimal contact due to covid. Last interaction was actually nice, we joked a bit.
He teaches me how to do the build and ‘updated’ the confluence page. By update he striked through one paragraph.
Been doing these for week and now others what builds done all the time and since I am not an asshole they can approach me to do this but now I spend all
day long doing builds.
Work on a classified app so it has to
be burned on a disk, taken to a ‘secret machine’ and deployed. Takes about an hour and people are like. Can you rebuild it? I forgot to commit something?
So I updated the page to flush out the directions. Did not remove one thing only added things simple things like do a ls -lah in the dist folder to make sure the are built correctly. Things like check to make the symlink works, bolded words.
He was not at standup so I figured he was out of the office today and was going to ask him to review tomorrow.
Fucker goes in to make changes while I am making changes and doesn’t think to msg me telling me?
He is removing things and moving things which is fine just let me know! What a dick!!!!!
Screenshot of all the activity today, I am
in blue. I will spend all day watching the page to make sure I get the last fucking edit!
5 -
Stupid fucking idiot startup asshole hired me as an intern. Promised me the money after the work is done. We were friendly during the internship. The work is done and now it's been a week and still no money yet. He's saying it'll take some time. To beat you to shit it'll take some time you asshole!
Lesson learned: Never ever be friendly with the guy who hires you. Like never!!
Also money later isn't a good thing.8 -
Fuck this shit! Roommate just barged in at 3:30AM, his gf in tow. They went to bed like I am not here and he is snoring like a chainsaw. I never understood how can she sleep next to him while he snores like that. I have earplugs and active noise cancelling headphones on. I can still hear that motherfucker loud and clear. How the fuck is she not awake?!
But more importantly, 50% of this fucking room is mine, what makes him think he can just have his girlfriend over while I am here is beyond me. Like, sure, if I am not here go ahead but when I am here I would like some privacy, I guess the plank wall that I made in the middle of the room is not an obvious enough clue that I want privacy and I don't want to be disturbed :-/
Can't wait to have enough proof of his bullshit to get the block manager to throw him out.
Edit: To add to the snoring problem: I had a girlfriend who would snore, less than my roommate but still loud enough that I was awake the whole night when I went to sleep at her place... I HATE SNORING ... And when I went home for some holidays and my brother snored even for a second I kicked him off of his bed (because why not, he is an asshole to me like 99% of the time - and so am I to him :D //sibling love//)12 -
The level of desire to give my boss a positive klap right now is too damned high.
Cunt flies us across the country to work 4-5 hours of unpaid overtime every day for a week to fix his Royal fuck up, some of my guys decide they gonna take the later uber into work cuz we gonna grab a run or an extra hours sleep cuz we fucking tired after a 13 hour day and this is the shit we get:
No wonder they call it Slaapstad 😜 - guys, no later than 8am at the office please so we can make a collective start.2 -
After reaching the pinnacle of my latent burnout and mental overload lately I quit and managed to get paid leave for the rest of the notice period through hr as I told them I'm not able to work for them anymore and else had to go on sick leave. My brain just had to have a clean cut and blocked me from
getting into their overcomplex and shitty, unplanned projects as I see no value in doing anything for them anymore. I gave them all my access keys and a small handover, but it was clear that they would run into problems without me, cause I've been doing like 5 jobs there due to developer shortage. Now I still get requests from my manager even though I had an operation and spent last week in the hospital and am still recovering for the next two weeks. He's still trying to build pressure as if it was my fault that we never got time to document stuff properly and automate things that have to be automated. He ignored every recommendation I made in past to ensure that things keep running when I leave, as I always knew that I wouldn't do this shit for long. It was always more important to please bosses ever-changing requests and stupid whims as fast as possible at the cost of quality, pressuring us into putting projects live at 80% to meet random deadlines we had no say on. What a fucking asshole trying to put the responsibility on me now. Not my problem anymore. Have fun finding someone else taking over that shithole of an underengineered software-architecture. I'm out!1 -
Is there any other software more fucking bloated than Skype? Fuck you Skype, for constantly freezing everytime I start chatting, making me take my precious hands off my precious keyboard and use the fucking...... __mouse__ to fucking click into the text box, THEN start chatting. EVERY FUCKING TIME. Whoever is working on that team, please get your head out of your ass and fix the laggy bullshit you've created. Thank you.2
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Just because I am a night owl and arrive late to your fucking meeting at 1100am, it does not mean I am shit head and trying to save out of office. Then why did you fucker shift my meeting an hour before and screw up my whole day. Fuck you asshole.
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I'm quite a vengeful person, I'm sure I get the wrong end of the stick sometimes to.
In the last few years of my life I've been trying to not act and "be mature" about the situation.
There's still times I fall of the wagon but generally I have shrugged it off...
But do you know how I feel like now!? That I've been walked all over people are taking me for granted. People think they can get away with lying and messing me about.
Quite honestly I don't know how to act your always meant to rise above the situation. When all I can think of is how I could fuck up the thing they did.
And people go well just protect yourself but that means I'm not open and honest myself and that's what I fucking hate to begin with!
Today I'm feeling vengeful because a client didn't pay until the last second. They wanted the website for next to nothing. And took a year to pay. Now they have gone and paid a tonne on a new site ! Because they went well what you did was shit "effectively"
Granted it was but you don't spend a few hundred quid and expect to get everything. I gave them what they paid for.
Everyone is expecting something for nothing 🙄 I get that's just the life of companies directors
But it pisses me off I try to do everything truthfully on the up an up and they would prefer a group of liars
Oh front page of Google yes we can do that for free
Oh yes the greatest animation look!
😤 And I'm meant to sit here and be like yeah that's cool. I mean at this point what reason do I have to be open and honest if shit stains like that exist!
What pisses me off more is that I'm trying to rise above. I don't think I should I think I should ruin their fucking day and be done with it. I have the capabilities.... But I know "it ain't legal"
Then people go on about well if you don't like the rules help them get changed ...
I've tried the political route they are all far worse 😐 they are ignorant cunts. That's the truth! I can't stand to be around half of them 🙄
So here I am ranting to not fuck up someone's day , trying to rise above 😔 -
My manager told me that when he noticed my male colleague disturbing tasks and helping out juniors, he recommended him for a lead position then proceeded to tell how I am a great mentor and how well my year end goal items were managed.12
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I was helping a teammate investigate an issue he is working on, while having a lot of stuff to do for myself, until I notice that the asshole was very busy sending personal emails and basically I was doing his job...3
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Not code related by my boss has verbally harassed me for the past two business days (I recently put in notice that I'm leaving). End of the week cannot come fast enough. And no, we have no HR, yes he's the owner, no it's not worth fighting him for.10
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Don't use your senior software engineer title or years of experience as reasons in a debate or argument about software
My manager was asking me what steps needs to be done to perform a disaster recovery for our cluster( on production). I will be honest here, I have not maintained this type of cluster(kubernetes) in production before. However, I have enough understand of the system to answer my boss question. I basically told him there are A, B, C you have to do.
My senior developer jumped in and said "No you should do A,C, B because C is more critical than B. " I then replied to him: "I understand your point, I notice that too, but .." Before I can even finish my sentence, this dude has already rolled his eyes and interrupted me very loudly: "Have you worked with these systems on production before? I did". The asshole knows I haven't maintained Kubernetes on production yet of course.
I got super pissed at him and pretty much shouted back to him and my manager: "Just because I haven't worked on this system on production yet, does not mean my argument is wrong" .
I then dragged my managers, that asshole, and other engineers in a room and settle this out. In the end, people agreed with my steps over that asshole senior engineer dude because I gave them rational reasons.
The conclusion is: Your senior title is given by the company, It doesn't mean anything to me. Also, it doesn't make you more right than another person just because he has a "lower" title than you.1 -
There's always one asshole in the workplace that wants to make everyones life so much harder with shitty stupid reasons.3
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GWT.
Let me explain:
Tl;dr : someone fucked up, I took shit, it was a gwt project. In a sense I don't hate GWT because of the framework itself but because how I was introduced and forced to "work" with it.
Context:
Was working as a paid intern at a small company there were 3 devs 2 interns and one senior employee that only worked from home handling the shit ton of legacy VB6 code he wrote over several year and a boss with no technical knowledge. (Other unimportant people as well)
I was working with their DBA (cool dude) because I was writing statistic and report generating software.
Story:
The other intern was tasked of doing a gwt app that was supposed to use a input file.
Rather than asking the user to upload it with a file picker (I guess they exist in gwt I didn't got to dig in the framework) he was trying to load the file with a http request directed at the same host the app was running on.
It did not work.
Then his contract was other and the app was left in an unfinished state.
The boss then tried to have the app deployed, the remaining dev dodged the bullet invoking some bullshit because he was clearly incapable of doing it.
So it fell on me, couldn't deploy the app because it was not even close to working.
Tried to fix things and make it work.
Turns out he thought it would take me 3h to deploy when I clearly explained that the other guy didn't finish the app.
Boss got mad, threatened to ruin my studies and my future career.
Couldn't because my uni had my back.
Didn't want to see me anymore.
Couldn't break my contract.
Told me to work from home for the end of my internship.
I got 3 weeks early vacation and got paid, fuck him, fuck GWT, fuck his company.
Still got well marked for the internship as my supervisor was the DBA who was happy with my work.
Morality:
Don't let your intern unsupervised, don't let your main dev work from home when you don't know shit, don't piss me off and send me work from home. -
This is a personal rant, not a devRant. BUT ITS STILL A FUCKING RANT.
Anyways, I don't have a lot of friends. In fact, only one. That one friend used to pull of his moods on me, and I was more or less okay with that. When he was in a bad mood, I didn't annoy him too much. However, I expect the same from him.
Today he really triggered me badly, and at some point he knew he should just leave me alone. We were in a LoL lobby, and went into the Discord where I could hear how he is dragging me down, saying I'm an asshole etc. As a result of that, I left the lobby, and heard him say more bullshit. Then he talked about how he left at another server, since they were assholes and excluded them.
At was at that point were they deafed me. Meaning, I couldn't hear nor what they were saying or speak for myself. What is this bullshit? I mean, if your fucking best friend does this shit to you, how can you have faith or trust anybody else? It's just really fucked up, and fucking bullshit, and like the only place where I can vent off is here.
What a fucking piece of shit. And I keep forgiving him.5 -
Had my 2nd job interview.
Two of the interviewers were great, but the third interviewer was like an asshole.
Always tried to make me stuck somewhere haha9 -
Yeah, please fucking tell the other knob I accidentally starred, ++d, liked, .. his X, that's a great function, better yet, why not make it fully archived, so even if you remove it a second later he's going to know you're the asshole that did it3
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DevRant has increased my asshole-ery. Reading work design docs and I keep thinking, "really? That's your choice? Obviously this is a joke. You expect us to do what?? In what timeframe?"2
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Dear hex.pm website, please fire the developer who programmed this email and employ me. I grantee you I am better than this asshole.
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Hey devRant! It's been a long time, but I'm baaack! I know you missed me, but my life has been so eventful, and difficult, and so I am here for sympathy and recognition of my status among my fellow devRant community, because like, I'm basically a legend now, I'm sure you've all heard of me!
Did I mention I'm back!? I know right, it's mad, it's like the place hasn't been the same without me. What has changed? Man, I remember when devRant was a toddler colouring in my walls with crayon, man those were the days...
Oh, have any of you seen @OtherLongtimeUser about, are they still alive? Come on guy, we were like best buddies, and your existence validates my sense of self-worth in relation to my status on this here community. You about?
Anyway, life's been hard, I'm sure you're all desperate to hear about it... Looking forward to you asking me about it in the comments so that I can skirt around the answer for you whilst still trying to extract the maximum amount of sympathy. But yea, just tell me you've missed me, that'd be fantastic.
Also, I bet the banter on here isn't like it used to be. All you n00bs missed so much. But hey, did I mention, I'm baaaaack!? ✌4 -
Me - "Designs and creates a new staff page for work"
Result - "everyone at work loves it"
Me - "I feel really accomplished"
Co-worker - "I'm gonna use this design, that you made, for my interviews for jobs and say I made it"
Me - "wtf" -
Fuck you negative bastard! I really hate when someone "predicts" failure to meet the deadline of some project we haven't started yet. This bastard thinks we will fail only because he is a complete mess at coding and fears learning new things.5
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I just used booking.com and good fucking god is the whole website a shit infested hell hole. They use scammiest and pushiest techniques to make you book a place asap without giving you space to breathe and read details.
They try to obfuscate what's actually necessary with what they want to take from you. For example just before reserving a room there's a checkbox that's close enough to words "terms and conditions" and "privacy policy" for unsuspecting user to habitually check it to proceed. However, you clicking "reserve" is considered your consent and that checkbox simply adds your email to their spamming list.
There are countless examples of absolute asshole design within every inch of that place and I don't even want to imagine what they do with my data.
Suffice to say this was the first and last time I will use their services and if I were to give any advice, is "don't be the dick responsible for website/app/service similar to booking.com"5 -
so a year ago, a client tried to sue our company because he is a dick. we terminated the contracted and went our ways. a year later he wants to come back to us because he thought he could run his real estate business himself using WordPress! I really hate this asshole1
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Wakes up in the morning to find some fucking asshole has stolen my wifi reciever and I have a fucking deadline! Wtf is wrong with human beings nowadays?
Does anyone know a witch?2 -
Hi,
how do you deal with a client claiming you broke something when you didn't upload anything to the server yet?12 -
to whomever it may concern...
if i wanted to do code review keeping in mind how asshole you have been and made it my personal vendetta, i would not review it at all.
i would let you and your shitty code rot in hell. -
!dev
Student loans soon won't be the only thing on my damn credit score.
Asshole landlord is evicting us to renovate and take advantage of higher home rates, we got a month to figure stuff out
Dad's credit score sucks so I get to put a damn home loan on my score so we don't risk another asshole evicting us if we rent and hope like hell my dad doesn't screw me over
Thank athismo my job pays enough I've been able to save for a good while
At least if we own it we'll be allowed to make modifications without waiting months for permission4 -
Bad case of schadenfreude the biggest asshole on the dev team is having issues with his code merge! Someone merged 2 mins before him...lol. This is why you used the command line not the GUI!
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Dear Apple, your asshole is what's innovative because all you produce anymore is expensive excrement.1
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The lead put a comment in my PR asking to look at the ticket again. I did. He obviously did not. Thank you very much, asshole.4
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Asshole that my client hired: "You will be reporting to me now. As per client request."
Me: "I will murder you." -
When you feels like you are dealing with assholes everyday, it is better to look in the mirror and see if you were the asshole that whole time.
-
Needed my Windows 10 vm for parallax propeller development again. Should be pretty straightforward:
Start VM. Very unresponsive and Interface glitches with 2GB RAM so I give it 4GB to get on the desktop. Bruh, off to a good start.
Turns out that there are a few updates. So I try to install them. After two fucking hours Virtualbox screams at me for being out of storage. FFS Window$ updates managed to take up like 20GB extra.
Had to install it from scratch since my drive is full. Now my key won't activate because it is already activated. 15min support hotline, because 6*8 characters are necessary for a f*cking Phone activation.
Damage assessment:
1h of my life I will never get back, a barely viable operating system and I'm not even sure if USB passthrough works.
PSA:Gnome-Boxen has a superb unattended installer.18 -
PM:"I don't care how you dev build it, those are tech details, not my business, I only care about the business domain."
sounds familiar?
this is the main reason why so many projects failed, can you image any professional use such an asshole statement in other industry.1 -
Worked all weekend with a couple friends on a side project and it's finally done. A shame I had to pull all the weight and fix my friend's lazy coding.
And then he had the nerve to try to charge me for the chili he made use for dinner one night. Asshole.1 -
I sometimes think back to that asshole on stackoverflow that said "op wants a solution like that" after I, the op, told him I don't like that solution.2
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Fucking hate people who can't appreciate what you've worked on. And just find the fuckin faults in your task. Would it kill them to just shut the fuck up and not start the conversation with ooohh I've found a bug, just fuckin try to make something first of your own and then be an asshole to others.🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
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public const bool DEBUG_THAT_SHIT = ConfigurationManager.ParseBool("debugThatShit");
public const bool DEBUG_THAT_OTHER_SHIT = ConfigurationManager.ParseBool("debugThatOtherShit");
public bool iMadeANewFeature = ConfigurationManager.ParseBool("newFeature")?true:false;
Fucking new guy, can you not fucking read the other constants and make them look the same? Apparently not and I am the asshole. -
Whoever created the google adsense/admob report api and its documentation : choke on my dick and die you fucking asshole.
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If you are a developer and you are proud of the work you contribute whilst remaining open minded, I applaud you. If you are a developer and you are overly proud of what you do, and you believe the work you contribute to a software project caries more value than the work another developer contributes, then go fuck yourself.
I am sick and tired of working on teams with people who are self-righteous. What you bring to the table is important, but it isn't the only thing brought to the table, so stop acting like what you brought to the table is the best thing on the fucking table.
What makes it worse is when someone disagrees with your work and you aren't willing to take any of it. You deny their opinion as if yours is vastly superior. YOU need to improve your teamwork skills, YOU need to stop being so arrogant and self-righteous, YOU are the problem.2 -
A year of analysis and """agile""" development.
And now they changed the name of the main domain entity.
It's like to pass from a software for banana management to apple management.
THE ENTIRE CODE IS FULL OF THE "BANANA" KEYWORD, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!2 -
"Configuring incomplete, errors occurred!" Ok, I get that. But would it kill you to tell me what errors? If you behave like an asshole, I'll hate you as well!
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Your best friend your colleague a developer you trust the most, your best buddy in the office can be a savage asshole sometimes.
Just sayin.
What are your "got backstabbed stories"1 -
My eyes are bleeding! I've been working on a uni assignment for the last 48 hours on account of being a fucking asshole and leaving it for the last minute... Gotta submit in 12 hours and now I'm here talking shit and ++ing because shit, why not... What a piece of work.3
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Not commenting my code just to return 2 weeks later to wonder what kind of special asshole wrote the code. And what the heck it does.1
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Fucking unreal bro!!! I’m working on an issue and I pushed, then there was a bug, i fixed it again, another issue for the UI change, another fixed for sorting column. All that fixed I created separate branch. My boss called me and told me im stupid for creating a separate branch everytime on a simple fix, he told me that Git isnt used that way. He told me that his been doing this 30years already. So I asked isnt it the best practice to create a separate branch on every issue or if the branch has been merged? His answer is no. Fuck this guy and his 30years experience
I should’ve responded:
First of all, if we have a test suite then I would have notice that error but we dont. You dont even want to upgrade ruby and rails. We’re stuck at version 4 on rails. Second why are you merging my MR and reviewing it on IST? Why didnt you do that locally so you can address the issue before you merged? Third fuck you and your 30years
My actual response is:
Ahh yes sir, im sorry wont happen again, my bad, sorry for that mistake.
Fuck bro im mad!!!!4 -
Microsoft you asshole. Why do I have to see an unskipable 30-second ad in your games on Android? Aren't you guys billionaires already to generate ad revenue from Google?7
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"Can you go through this hours-long process to reproduce an issue i saw and debug it? I don't have bandwidth."
"Sure, but I'm pretty sure the issue is actually due to your recent changes in [related feature], and I'm pretty busy myself."
"No, that's not how that works. Please figure out the real issue." (Strongly implying it was my fault)
*Goes through hours-long process to reproduce* (yes this procedure could be improved but this is a rant not a planning meeting)
*Of course, it was his change*
"Oh. Well, it's not really a priority." -
Well AI is made by some developer so why not just swing with the technology. When JavaScript Framework because famous (jQuery, Ionic, React) we started using them like an asshole. Similar way when AI takes over, let's switch to AI.
All I wish is that AI doesn't fuck my girlfriend/wife. I will implement very strict rules.1 -
Never understood why people bloody love their code. It's good to be happy about it, but
beats the zest for refactoring or any other sort of improvement.
Took me an hour to explain a senior dev why his changes introduced bugs in build.
Literally landed to the point reverting his commit and demonstrating the damn build to work.
To which he replies what if the data is corrupt
Damn it's not the data, it's your bloody senses.2 -
Right...
So some asshole just tried to charge me 200 euro paid to Plugin Media Group A.G.
Couldn't get pass 3ds but still...
If you have made an order with OnePlus cancel your card. Today2 -
Most of us have scary stories about professors that think that they know about what they are talking about when it comes to teaching comp sci subjects. Shit is so backwards in most parts of the world with teachers showing outdated or completely pointless tech.
A friend called me the other day asking for classic ASP help because it was being used in his web class. Another was asking me about flipping c cgi web scripting. Wtf are schools teaching? Having the drive to LEARN actuall useful topics that are relevant on the market is hard enough as it is...shouldn't schools help at least a little bit? I was lucky, we were thaught Java, Python, cpp, js, sql, html5, css3, php, ruby and we had classes for node (for those interested) and asp.net mvc. Those were RELEVANT and good classes and while some outdated tech was good the rest is just bullshit. Specially since most teachers have 0 market value as develpers...but hey!! Wtf do I know! Of course my word is shit against all them doctorate and master degrees.
Gimme a break. School can be great. But a lot of the leadership there is toxic af for our industry. And while I appreciate the effort in me being thaught modern languages (and thaught is a hard word since I already knew how to program way before going to school) i still remember a teacher taking points away from an assignment for not using switch statements in Python...despite my explaining that there was no such thing (you can go around it by using a lil technique using functions, its pretty cool..pero no mames)
Or what about the time I mentioned to a fellow student how he could use markup for having more control with his windows forms while the very same teacher contradicted me saying that shit was not possible. Or the guy at the school in which I work teaching intro to programming using fucking vba...fk man if you are going the BASIC route at least teach them b4j or something fuuuuck.
I had good teachers, but they were always cast asside by dptmnt heads as if they knew better. I just hate pendejo teachers I really do.
Chinguen a su madre, bola de babosos.11 -
Alright i make jokes alot of times for fist over ip but damn there's just so fucking many people that it could be useful on. Somebody needs to figure this shit out where i can go dark side and just choke a dumbass no class asshole out.
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I hate every non -American in my office who tries to flaunt a stupid fucked up American accent when we are trying to discuss a logical problem. Fuck the accent , do you have a solution you fucked up asshole.3
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This lead is an asshole, I'm the only who gets shit. Even if other people have the same issue.
To me: "The purpose was to have it done now."
To others: "Well, at least you have it mostly done."7 -
You ever agree to do something that you really don't want to do because you don't want to piss off the other person?
Like, I could've avoided doing this shit if I just were an asshole. Ugh6 -
Day 3 as the Junior Dev.
Co worker fucks every time on defining functions in python
What my asshole teammate does is:
def someShitFunc():
print(shit)
And he was clearly instruct to return value not print the value what a jerk he is.
I have to fix his all problems and in meeting he brags how his code worked. What a sucker.4 -
Fuck you Python! "It's global, unless you modify it. Then you have to use a keyword first." "It is passing reference by value." Asshole language that tries to be too flexible!2
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The fun times, watching the little weenie down voting the guy who thinks vanilla js is better than jQuery. Here I thought devs were meant to be more intelligent, yet somehow a 30kb wrapper for js is better than js itself...
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User: "help pls! Cant login! Works on my notebook but not on the clients"
Me: "Sure. Have you tried entering your username and password?"
*finally resets password. Problem solved*
ASSHOLE -
So my recruiter decided to calc his own bruto salary(gross) over my netto one...
Turns out he missed about 800 euro in his conversion ratio... Motherfucker ... That sets me back 5 years in salary u asshole 😶 -
found all my DDR1 that went missing recently
my dad stole it, put it in a RAM hardcase, then packed it in the back of his closet
he doesn't even have anything that accepts DDR1
what an asshole6 -
Do you guys also experience this: When you have an explosive diarreah~ but the project is due tomorrow so you have no time to shit and end up taping your asshole and it turns into normal poop. FeelsGoodMan4
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Another guy who doesn't even fucking know the spec of the device that asshole is holding, acts cool and fucking calls us nerds & losers (the devs due to whom all the coolness is possible with all those techs) and is so fucking dumb but gets the girls!!1
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Yeah he was officially free today but he still managed to come a couple of hours. Fucking asshole go fix your fucking code damn idiot. This whole site is broken. Thanx mr wannabe a leaddev. Hope you crash with your damn racecar2
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It pisses me off so much when companies sell their products with non standardized charging ports. I bought a no name beard trimmer some time ago, lost the charger and obviously I cant find a replacement because I have no fucking clue what connector it is. The description of the trimmer mentions nothing. Fucking bs that is! -__-"
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It really bugs me out when your co workers start working on a project without telling you. Makes me feel undervalued. I would not complete their sloppy seconds this time for sure
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My manager put "Architecture Diagram" onto my list of tasks. "Do you have a diagram"? came up in our last call.
No, I don't have a diagram like your useless block diagram that shows nothing of what we've done. Instead I have a ton of wiki pages, real documentation, READMEs in each git repo that are detailed and complete, unless you're repos of empty directories, `.keep` files, empty READMEs and blank "TODO" wiki pages!6 -
The best part about working on Someone else's UI bug fixes is that you get to look like a hero when you fix the bugs and make all their work look like a sham - asshole 101
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a fuckin famous celebrity here in PH ask for favor to his graphic designers fans to do his twitch and youtube logo design for a SHOUTOUT in compensation. A. SHOUTOUT. Now he has been offically a MEME all over the social media.2
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I think someday, I'd like to make an app that can somehow punish asshole drivers. I want this app to severely discourage douchebaggery on the road. Not sure how I can make that happen, but it needs to happen.3
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People:I don't have to work that hard, I work smart.
Me too asshole. I work smart and hard. Guess what dick face, you can't out work me and that's how I leverage my passion.
#JustMorningRant3 -
My manager is still being an asshole to all our customers. I cannot stand him, or his bullshit corrective action/write-up he sent to HR. The entire team is frustrated with him and his personal vendetta against me has caused me to go full force, looking for new works and well as transferring teams within the company. Things are getting politically heated right now and I'm not sure how things will pan out. I wish our old VP of software didn't pass away last month. The new CTO is a total tool and fuckwit. He sees developers as subordinates who must always away managers. He hasn't talked to anyone on the networking team since being hired, or anyone on my team.1
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Come on, WordPress! Why are you such an asshole? I just want to migrate and move on with my life.
Is it because I started with Joomla? Is it because I cheated you with Flask?
Can you please, please be nice to the same db you made? Am I asking to much for?1 -
all my life i have to fix the fuckup of every asshole fuckward and hear shit in return
fuck my life :'|1 -
Fuck all those fuckers that buy domain and try to sell them for shit load of cash. I don't even have a problem if you sell it for a few thousands of dollars. But I just contacted some fucker who owns a worthless domain cachet.com, and he is trying to sell it for over hundred thousand dollars. Why the fuck. I have a feeling that this guy is brain dead or something. Fucking cunt8
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most frustrating thing is team mate is a totally asshole could not get the job done, and behave like innocent little girl.
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I just fucking had it with all the stack overflow cunts, posted a question and LITERALLY 3 SECONDS LATER it got fucking down voted, like wtf it didn't even have a single comment nor a duplicate, the question was ~200 words, so either this cunt could fucking read 66 words/second, or he is a degenerate asshole who gets fucked for living6
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Am I a selfish asshole for not allowing my email server to be the relay whore of the internet?
I just hate postfix log files filled with messages not related to my own domain.3 -
I am not as open minded and patient and a good teammate as I thought I was. Also either I am the biggest asshole on the planet, or I am so unlucky that I meet all kinds of assholes in my workplace, both past and present.
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How to deal with coworkers playing music on loud speaker and the genre happened to be the one that you hate the most?5
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Me start reporting at Standup about my recent work. My Teamleader start talking the same time, saying he has seen the commits and I don't have to go into details anymore.
Thank you asshole for disrespecting me and my work.3 -
Hey dev. Listen to religious music at too high a volume or constantly bitch and complain about how everyone else in the world is an asshole. They're both annoying but I can't take both at the same time...
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I hate when I am being a asshole to person for their stupidity and they reply like thank you dear.1
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I hate working with this guy. I ask him a question, he ignores it or forgets about it.
He asks me a question, i respond politely
What an asshole2 -
I just don't see my future working in a mnc where I spent 4 hour to fix a small bug. It's not skill problem, it's the code written by an asshole that's over genius. But it's ok, I will go home on time and bootstrap my little product, one day hopefully I can work from home for myself!1
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How much of an asshole you have to be to say the poster doesn't know PHP and bitch about "security problems" in an answer to a clearly newbie question about forms and redirection on Quora?2
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Fuck the dev! Who decided to change shit on their site without telling me...
It's your fucking app do you want it to work!?
I can't connect the two if you keep changing shit!
I know this dev to be a fucking asshole!6 -
I just wrote an error handler in php (would trigger only if the user's stupid enough):
if (!$detail_trans && !header_moved) {
die("asshole");
}1 -
Today I told someone of my team that the changes they made on the backend a few weeks ago fucked up the frontend because they stopped sending some json, he told me no no the frontend must be wrong.
that part of the frontend hasn't been touched in months. I showed him on the browser how the response didn't contain json, headers where correct, etc etc, he told me he didn't trust that(the browser network tab) and that in postman it works, and I should debug it... fuck me.. I went through his java code(which is not my strong fort) for like 3 hours to show him that he in fact was being a complete asshole, if only I could just ignore him and told him to fuck off but no, since I'm the only frontend in my team and frontend apparently is for idiots then I must be wrong and since the team lead doesn't hear anything I have to say yeah. Fuck me3 -
Random LPT: Never carpool with strangers unless your life depends on it. Especially if one person creates a spreadsheet of the days he expects you to drive in June and it's May 5.
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I hate bitmaps in Android. Whoever created those disgusting functions without thinking of of a *simple* way to deal with the garbage they cause is an asshole and I hope they go to the worst corners of hell.
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Not really dev... but / hey all asshole / impatient, idiot drivers : fuck you. I think you should have your licenses taken away - or be shot.7
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Guy advertises job. Decent pay, decent benefits, all in all decent package.
Guy replies to request for further information with some shit about being able to get you 50 calls from people who will hire you but would you want to work for them... well that's why i didn't apply to 50 jobs you applied to the 1, because it sounded like you would want to work for them.
Then guy says they are paying a lot less than avertised, and the advert is basically bullshit to get him people to give his 50 opportunities shit to.2 -
- "the workflow inbox is broke.."
- "INBOX MY ASS. ask the asshole who vomit this to fix it!"
me dealing with an inbox made of two columns with imagenry relationships. -
Fuck that unqualified asshole of IT guy at the customer. He has no idea what he's talking about, constantly sets focus to unspecific bullshit and just wastes my time and energy. How do you deal with shit like that?!2
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How do I tell my “senior” co-worker that he’s a shitty person while working in a group , I just can’t tell my manager cos they both are good friends, I’ve tried confronting him but it didn’t make much of a difference. This is really frustrating me because I am always seen as the person who doesn’t know shit cos the senior co-worker keep changing the back end and my code 😓😓😓1
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Do you ever feel that there are some guys on stack overflow who can't understand English or they don't know the solution to your problem they down vote your question?
I am talking to them don't be an asshole. You have a special place reserved for you in hell.. -
> every job or mission GET.
> customers paying on time and getting the fair rate you ask without negociating.
> always possible to work remote.
> customers that are not asshole company's of the world.
> social business network expanding
> making enough money to take on some courses and certifications from time to time.
These all seem so distant now. -
I felt fucked when I look incompetent coz I took a long time to finish small task. Asshole a guy so called software architecture wrote front end that jump from function A to Z and couldn't find a event handler after an hour jumping function a till z!! U're drunk dude! Why things can be so complicated?
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The part with those goddamn change requests on top of the requirements that were never fucking stated correctly in the first place.
Hate that part, because the customer is always right!
Always right, my ass. Fucking asshole dickheads. -
Codewars needs to enforce that people upload avatars. I've created all these hateful feelings for this black and white ninja-raver image... Is it that one asshole again? No. It's just everyone - and I can't tell who the jerks are anymore. it's silly. Just leave it blank or something. Anything else. AAHHHHHH!!!!
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Designed and worked on a website with no help and no assistance from the "head programmer" since he was leaving.
He told me he could have done what I have done since "you programmed it in bootstraps"
(Check tag for response) -
My tool of choice, let's use/implement it. Your tool suggestion and if I dont like it, it should be discussed and be compared to alternatives :-D lols
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