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The colleague:
- I can't work, my chair is uncomfortable
- I can't work, my chair is not ergonomic
- I can't work, my desk is too small
- I can't work, my legs are uncomfortable
- I can't work, my keyboard is not ergonomic
- I can't work on this task, John knows how to do it better
- I will only work on <this> type of tasks. I will not work on others
*gets assigned <other> task; browses the internet all day; at the EOD task isn't even touched*
- I can't work with Jack, he's too noisy
- I can't come to the office on time, there's traffic in the city
- I couldn't come yesterday, I was out of town. No, I will not log a vacation day - I was NOT on vacation. It's personal
- I can't<...>
Manager, 2 days to the end of said colleague's probation period:
- I am very sorry to tell you this, but our attitudes are not in line and we cannot continue working together. Since this is your 5th warning, we have to let you go.
The colleague:
- What?? How come?? I did NOT see this coming... You can't do this! I work here! This is where I work and you can't fire me!
*got his things from his desk and left. Never came back*
Everyone at the office:
- YAYYYY!!!! Let's have a shorter day today and let's celebrate this riddance in a pub! (manager agreed)7 -
And then one day you wake up and discover that your first boss,
the one who hired you when you had no experience
who believed in you when nobody else did
and also paid you a full decent payment when the rest of the world tried to pay you less than half the amount
who taught you a lot about the business and even when you disagreed, it was impossible to get angry because he was calm and gentle always
and treated you so many lunches and dinners
…was beaten and killed by a former colleague…
I have no words…
Sayonara 👋 boss
I will miss you so much on this Earth 😢4 -
It happened again.
This time my colleague, is abbreviating "cumulative" as "cum" in a variable name, and now I have to control my 6th grade humor...24 -
I left a company once. Was there with one colleague and we had this kind of code review habit that we looked at each other changes befor merging them to the deploy branch. On my last day I made a dancing cat dance in front of our app as a tiny joke for him. He instead of reviewing just pulled this time and deployed the new version on the companies dev server without a look. So the fist time the cat showed up was appareantly in the first meeting after I left and everyone went completely crazy because they thought they got hacked.
I think they never found the hidden rock roll in the app.4 -
Colleague started to share their screen
Me: screen is not visible to be
Them: let me just increase the brightness of my monitor5 -
PM (on slack): "we’re about to deploy to production".
Me: "ok"
… I keep on working on a task / remain available for any post deployment issues …
PM (5 minutes later on slack): "deployment broke production! We need to handle this NOW!"
My dev colleague has already called it a day, but I’m still online
Me: "ok I don’t have access to prod, can you describe what’s going on? I can’t reproduce on any other environment"
PM: …
10 minutes go by
Me: "anybody there?"
PM: …
45 minutes later, I realize PM is offline
The following day:
PM: "ok we got prod running again" (turns out it was client’s fault for not updating a config we as devs can’t access)
PM: "but we’re REALLY UPSET! You guys need to be available to intervene for any issues following deployment to production! At least one of you should be available!"
Me: "but, but…" 🫠14 -
*offering sweets to a fellow at work
Colleague: Oh I'm a diabetic but What you've got here aaaaaa.....
My Brain:
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Me: Oh come-on already One small piece won't kill you11 -
My colleague wanted me to examine a script issue. I open it up, and it took several minutes to comprehend how it worked. Once it finally clicked:
Me: I can’t decide if this is idiotic or genius.
Colleague: Well, YOU wrote it.
Me: Oh… Genius it is, then! -
hey there, long time no rant.
remember that manipulative, sociopathic angry manchild turdface PM, the kind that gives you a never ending rant inspiration? the one that got immortalized in like 90% of my rants?
well... it's time for the final update.
i decided to leave the team some months ago. my boss reacted very cool and supportive and suggested topics i could work on instead. when i told my colleague, he decided to leave the team at the same day. we both also complained at HR and added some papertrails about PM's shenanigans.
shortly after, another guy from the team quit and left the company, and i know that it was 100% because of this PM.
so, there were 2 devs left from originally 6 in PM's team.
some other people in the environment of this PM quit, one of his subordinates and someone from a greater project in which the PM's project was embedded.
after some internal investigations and discussions, the PM's team was completely kicked out of this greater project, since after ~ a year, this team was neither able to deliver anything useful nor to define what it actually was what they wanted to provide. instead, they actively blocked the project, solution finding and cooperation between teams. and this is quite very much PM's fault.
the final move came this month when PM got fired. i think, management finally realized that he is a total fraud who has no clue about the whole matter (neither what devices we build nor about software development). or management. or leadership. and that all he can do is produce hot air and bullshit people for some time to make them believe he knows something.
not sure how long he'll still be around, but i'm happy when i don't have to see his face ever again. i'm just sorry for the next company he'll be moving to...5 -
colleague in a planning meeting: so now it's Easter, which in Germany is public holidays on friday and monday
PM: i as a manager would find it great if there weren't any public holidays
yeah not surprised, but thank fuck you're not the one to decide that... some people are trying to have a life^^12 -
Lost my cool on a colleague after she scolded me for saying “good morning,” as it was presumptuous of me to assume her morning was good…
Of course since she was already a soulless hag, it had no impact on her.11 -
PM was on vacation the whole sprint.
this sprint was so much more... convenient. i really liked what i was working on.
Also, team lost some of its bureaucratic discipline along the way.
colleague replacing him, in today's daily: since the sprint is basically almost over, i can really recommend to the whole team to wrap up your work of this sprint, so you have something *done* that you can deliver or show in next week's sprint review.
team: ...
oooohhh boy, let me get a shitload of popcorn for the sprint review when PM is back 🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿🍿2 -
So I just found out that my colleague who I often have to work with does not use a debugger to troubleshoot any bugs at all. Actually, he does not even run or test his code locally either with prints or something similar. He just commits java code directly on bitbucket, no source control, without making sure it compiles and then he runs a CI provided by devops that takes 4 freaking hours to run because he bloated that shit up somehow.
I suggested politely to help him find a more efficient approach and to use my hardware setups for speeding up his work because I assume it must be pretty painful to work with, but he just refused.
That and those "seniors" with 10 years Linux development XP in the embedded field who don't know basic commands like ls, cat and touch and code in notepad.
Fucking me, who the hell am I working with and can someone please end me?6 -
I just had to print out some bills for a colleague.
Nothing too bad you say?
Well.. She doesn't seem to care about security or privacy at all.
I opened the website of her email provider at my computer and moved away from the keyboard, so she could log in.
But instead she told me her email and password... In an office with some other colleagues... Multiple times and wrote it onto a piece of paper that the later left on my table.
After that I should look through her inbox to find the bills.
(Yup, I know a lot more about her now)
After finding and printing out her bills, she just thanked me and walked out of the office, because hey, why should I log out of her account?
It's nice that she trusts me... But that was a bit too much...4 -
sprint retros with PM are a fucking farce, it cannot possibly get any more grotesque.
they are held like this:
- in the meeting, PM asks each team member directly what they found good and bad
- only half of the team gives real negative feedback directed towards the PM or the process, because they are intimidated or just not that confrontative
- when they state a bad point, he explains them that their opinion is just wrong or they just need to learn more about the scrum process, in any case he didn't do anything wrong and he is always right
- when people stand up against this behavior, he bullshits his way out, e.g. using platitudes like "it's a learning process for the whole team", switching the topic, or solely repeating what he had just said, acting like everybody agreed on this topic, and then continue talking
- he writes down everything invisible for the team
- after the meeting he mostly remembers sending a mail to the team which "summarizes" the retro. it contains funny points like "good: living the agile approach" (something he must have obviously hallucinated during the meeting)
- for each bad point from team members, he adds a long explanation why this is wrong and he is doing everything right and it's the team's fault
- after that happens the second part of the retro, where colleagues from the team start arguing with him via mail that they don't feel understood or strongly disagree with his summary. of course he can parry all their criticism again, with his perfectly valid arguments, causing even longer debates
- repeated criticism of colleagues about poor retro quality and that we might want to use a retro tool, are also parried by him using arguments such as "obviously you still have to learn a lot about the scrum process, the agile manifesto states 'individuals and interactions over processes and tools', so using a tool won't improve our sprint retros" and "having anonymous feedback violates the principles of scrum"
- when people continue arguing with him, he writes them privately that they are not allowed to criticize or confront him.
i must say, there is one thing that i really like about PM's retro approach:
you get an excellent papertrail about our poor retro quality and how PM tries to enforce his idiocratic PM dictatorship on the team with his manipulative bullshit.
independently from each other, me and my colleague decided to send this papertrail to our boss, and he is veeeery interested.
so shit is hitting the fan, and the fan accelerates. stay tuned シ16 -
Me, talking to a colleague:
"No, thats impossible. The problem can not be in my code. Let me show you why. You see, the code does this, and than it goes here, and then… oohhhh…. I’ve found the bug."4 -
there is another team in our company that has its site in the US. we haven't been working with them for very long, but we do have some common topics on which we work loosely together and exchange some information from time to time. i have met the guys only once in person when they visited Germany.
PM asked one of the devs of this team if he could move to another time zone, so it would be easier for us in Europe to arrange meetings with him.
move to another timezone. within the US. to the other side of the country where there's noone he knows. also, no site of ours.
only so it's easier for PM to arrange fucking meetings with him.
can you believe that? i cringed so hard when PM told me about that. (of course the guy refused, shocked pikachu)
and when he thought aloud that maybe he should ask the guy to move to Germany, i told him that the colleague wouldn't do that and that this was a terrible idea. he was really surprised and asked "hmm, you think?"
dafuq, hell yeah i think?!3 -
today i spent hours doing a 30 seconds task that was neglected for months by a colleague. thanks pal
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my colleague was ordered to the site of a customer who had claimed that our software was a total bunch of crap and nothing was working. they had created a list with something 100 bullet points of the bugs they had found in our software that made it impossible to work with. since their production was relying on it they were really pissed off. after a very uncomfortable meeting where they angrily disclosed the situation, finally he got access to the system they were working with. after a few minutes he found that the system's GPU and hard disk drivers were totally outdated and devices weren't even working correctly. after he had updated all drivers, our software worked perfectly fine. at least the customers were kind of embarrassed afterwards... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯7
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so i had the "miscommunication" meeting with PM today. he criticized me for "not following his orders", allegedly having worked on stuff during this sprint that did not help fulfill his sprint goal, and that i should have aligned my work with him. i didn't even realize this exact goal existed specifically for my user story (even though it was at least mentioned with one single word in story description, must have read over it). however, during the whole fucking sprint, he never mentioned a single time i should align with him. every daily i'm explaining what i'm going to do, every day he sees subtasks that i created for this story, and he never disagreed or mentioned this topic, so i assumed i'm on track. and now suddenly, when sprint is over, he blames me for the misalignment?
he also criticized me for having said something rude to him during a team meeting, but he couldn't rephrase or specify what i had said, he couldn't give any details at all, and also i couldn't understand or remember what he meant. what shall i respond to that?🤷♀️
also, aligning my work with that of a colleague and brainstorming with him about how our API could look like for our stakeholders was "not on track / following his orders" for him, even though i had announced it in the daily and he hadn't disagreed.
either this guy has alzheimer's or he has a down on me, dunno what to make out of all that.
and then he mentions i appear "somewhat aggressive" to him.
hmm weird, why should someone become aggressive when they have to deal with this bullshit all the time 🤦♀️12 -
Returned from holiday. Got a Ticket that literally reads: "I commited some stuff to master. Some are quick and dirty fixes. Please Review."
I called him and was told he made some architectural changes without talking to anyone (again) and now the tests are broken and I shall repair them.
Dear colleague. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!!!
Rage is beyond imaginable.7 -
Imagine being on vacation and the first notification you see on your phone in the morning is from your colleague on Teams:
"Hey! Are you available for a call despite the vacation?"
Fml and fuck me for being too kind to even spend time answering his questions instead of ghosting him.16 -
Nightmare IRL:
Your colleague is in PTO for 2 weeks.
You are in charge of maintaining his project along with yours, CI, code, tests and everything.
Your colleague's code base is a real master piece of shit when you look at it closer. By shit, I mean hardcoded values everywhere, random sleeps now and then, 20 if branches that could be replaced by maps, variables named a b c d everywhere, try catch to silence errors that should not be silenced, etc.
Your colleague left the CI and code broken as shit. Takes forever to run on my goddamn computer.
PMs are spamming you: "What is going on? It's red everywhere. Help! Plz fix this! We are going to release tomorrow!"
FML6 -
Look at that. The very fucking smart colleague spent 40 days implementing a repository pattern (WHEN WE'RE USING AN ACTIVE RECORD ORM), breaking stuff left and right. Does he use that fucking pattern at the very least?
Of course he doesn't. And along the way he's making sure to create conflicts with the stuff he broke (and I'm fixing). By the time I fix the merge conflicts of one commit, he pushed 6 of them.
9 -
[wordpress trigger warning]
Had an idiotic colleague who re-implemented the insert image function as a shortcode. A “senior php developer”. No, I’m not kidding.
Him: “But this way we can set a class”
Me: “As you can with the standard mode”
Him “No you can’t”
Me: *shows*
Him (smiling): “well why don’t you remove my stuff then?”7 -
> See unintelligible error from stuff that used to work and now it doesn't
> Ask colleagues if they ever met the error
> Fucktard colleague says "try using the debugger, if you run the code line by line you may probably understand what's wrong"
Dear Fucktard, I've been writing code for 7 years now, you can safely assume I know how to use a debugger if need be.
The thing: when I ask "have you ever met this error" I'm asking if you actually know what's going on, BEFORE diving in a 3 hours long debugging session of code written 6 years ago by people who have left the company in the meantime.
You don't always have to say something. Sometimes it happens: you may not have anything clever to add, and a simple "I'm sorry I don't know" is perfectly fine.1 -
i don't think that i'm having a burnout but i think that i'm maybe not so far away from it... several people, including friends, my therapist and also a colleague, told me they see me at risk of sliding into a real burnout.
i've known this for longer that i have a crappy work life balance. the habit of making work the most important part of my own life. thinking about work even in my private time, when i fall asleep, when i wake up in the night or in the morning. the tendency to think about problems, plans, coworkers, not being able to quit work mentally. the idea that i have to prove to everybody at work that i'm awesome. the feeling that, after a work day, i'm just "waiting" at home for the next day, in idle mode, so i can continue working on a problem (like a bug) that's occupying my whole mind. and at the same time, feeling totally empty after work, having no energy. i've lost interest and quit several hobbies in the last two years that once were important for me. and i think one important reason is that i didn't have any mental energy left to deal with that.
another factor for this development was also the pandemic for sure, because for some time, i had no real social life except for that at work.
but more important is probably that i find my job most of the time really fun and am highly motivated. i have the tendency to say yes to everything and to really commit to and own the problems that are handed to me. (right now, however i feel like there's not much motivation left)
then again there is the feeling that what i do is never good enough, i have little self confidence in my own abilities as a software engineer. there's a big discrepancy between how i myself perceive my work and how other people do (not only at work). on a rational level, i know that what i do is at least "good enough", otherwise i wouldn't have this job, and i wouldn't receive this amount of positive feedback from people. but it's hard to really deeply understand this thing, when there are deep-rooted beliefs like "only perfect is good enough" or "your colleagues will be disappointed and get a negative idea of you (and something bad will happen), if you don't give your best"... and there's also this idea that i have to be this super nerdy person who also codes in their free time, reads IT magazines and stuff, because only then i will fit this stereotype of a software developer, and only then i can be taken seriously and be good enough. no matter if this is fun for me or not.
anyway, right now i'm at a point in life where i'm realizing all this not only rationally, but with full emotional impact... :/ my life feels like it's gone stale and empty. i've lost creativity, warmth and human connection and that hurts a lot.
i'm trying to change my life.
one thing that really helps me right now is to talk with people who have (made) similar experiences. can you relate? if yes, how do / did you address those problems? i would really appreciate to hear your stories...6 -
daily.
me: i looked into the customer dev's project and even though it's C#, i can use it as a source of inspiration for my own C++ library.
PM: okay, maybe we can even still use it, so that you use a C# dll with your C++ code.
me: ...
other colleague: that's a bad idea. it can already be a challenge to use unmanaged c++ in dotnet, but the other way round it's even more difficult. C# and C++ are languages that behave quite differently and it will be hard to implement a correctly working interface.
PM: okay. well... then please analyze this project's complexity in terms of LOC and create a class diagram, so we get an idea of how complex it is.
me: sure.
PM: hmm... maybe we should split this topic. since dev x will also rely on your library, analyze this project together with him, each of you look at another part of the classes.
me: that's.... i think that's a bad idea. implementing this functionality in this library is my job, not of dev X. he won't be involved in implementing any of the funcionalities and for him, it shouldn't matter how this works.
PM: yeah, but since we are prototyping, maybe we should just violate the "separation of concerns" rule.
me (internally): (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ彡┻━┻
in the end i could convince him to do it my way, but for fuck's sake... when was the last time he actually succesfully implemented something? 🤦♀️ -
IHateForALiving: gentlemen, my unit tests are randomly falling. Sometimes the login procedure just fails for no apparent reason, did any of you encounter this problem?
The very fucking smart colleague®: DID YOU REMEMBER TO PLACE YOUR AUTHORIZATION HEADER
Of course
The authorization header.
To fucking log in.
Because you have to be logged in before you can log in.
That's the standard, of course.3 -
It’s been so long since I posted but this time it’s juicy again.
I got a coworker, no prio experience but already a year and few months into the job. He’s bad.
Magnitudes of bad!
We’re trying to teach him but to no avail. Everything about him sucks, major ballsack to be exact.
His attitude is to avoid every task, finishes nothing and then starts something new.
„Did you do X like we told you to?“
„No I started on Y, because I thought it [looks better, seems more interesting, thought that X is useless…]“
When you ask him much is done he is always „almost“ finished and needs your help on the „last 5-10%“. Yeah fuck that!
But that guy has a talent, his talent is to always give you technically correct answers which actually are complete bullshit.
„What are you doing at your job?“
„Staring at a screen and typing things.“ dude what?
That guy used the excuse „I can’t do maths“ on everything.
For an exam he had to calculate how long it would take to reach a certain amount if you would get some interest in that every year.
He asked the teacher for the formula. During the exam! And when the teacher didn’t want to give it to him he wrote plainly „can’t do maths“ on the paper and left
His code is of a quality as if he would write his first line in a week and then has the audacity to blame me and the colleagues for not explaining it right.
Ok you might think now we’re teaching him bad, or are too impatient. But honestly if you have to explain how to do a for loop for over about 15 months and get that attitude I think you get the right to be angry. I don’t mind explaining on how things work, even for the hundredth time, but then don’t tell me you understood, go behind my back, complain at a colleague how bad I explained, get explained by him and then do it again until you whored yourself through the whole staff!
It’s like he got the mind swiper from Men in black at home. Every day he hits the reset button.
He had a week of just changing indentation on a html file. Why? Because he wanted to find his style.
Yeah his style
if(a==b){
console.log(a);
}
else {
console.log(b)
}
And to produce code like that it takes him atleast 4 hours of trial and error.
And at the same time he goes arround and boasts what a super good programmer he his and that he can do some project work for them.
How we found out? Because he started working in those projects during work time at the office and asked us how to do things.
And he does so like a complete bastard!
Broken sql query? “No that query is perfect as it is, it’s supposed to show no results! But, just in theory, if I wanted to show some results, what would I need to change?”
I’m so mad about it and pissed on a personal level because he goes around blames everyone and the world for his short comings8 -
Anyone who has experienced this without falling into desperation deserves a beer, I know I need one.
Colleague: Python says I have an indentation error, halp. *Sends screenshot*
You: okay, it says it's located on file.py line 39. Can I see the related line?
Colleague: *sends a screenshot of the whole file, without numbered lines*
You: ummm, could you send me the related lines tho?😐
Colleague: 😒 yeah. *Resends a screenshot of the error and the whole file...again*
You: I REALLY need you to send me only the function scope to help you cuz I can't visually debug the whole file on a picture.
Colleague: *sends a panned phone picture with an arrow to the function (half of it)*
Plot twist: she's your girlfriend.
[EDIT]
GF: I can't see it, I'll go have a snack.1 -
It's rant time again. I was working on a project which exports data to a zipped csv and uploads it to s3. I asked colleagues to review it, I guess that was a mistake.
Well, two of my lesser known colleague reviewed it and one of the complaints they had is that it wasn't typescript. Well yes good thing you have EYES, i'm not comfortable with typescript yet so I made it in nodejs (which is absolutely fine)
The other guy said that I could stream to the zip file and which I didn't know was possible so I said that's impossible right? (I didn't know some zip algorithms work on streams). And he kept brushing over it and taking about why I should use streams and why. I obviously have used streams before and if had read my code he could see that my code streamed everything to the filesystem and afterwards to s3. He continued to behave like I was a literall child who just used nodejs for 2 seconds. (I'm probably half his age so fair enough). He also assumed that my code would store everything in memory which also isn't true if he had read my code...
Never got an answer out of him and had to google myself and research how zlib works while he was sending me obvious examples how streams work. Which annoyed me because I asked him a very simple question.
Now the worst part, we had a dev meeting and both colleagues started talking about how they want that solutions are checked and talked about beforehand while talking about my project as if it was a failure. But it literally wasn't lol, i use streams for everything except the zipping part myself because I didn't know that was possible.
I was super motivated for this project but fuck this shit, I'm not sure why it annoys me so much. I wanted good feedback not people assuming because I'm young I can't fucking read documentation and also hate that they brought it up specifically pointing to my project, could be a general thing. Fuck me.3 -
My supervisor's flaky attitude is annoying the shit out of me.
Mate, why would you agree to hire me for the project I wanted to do (and get me to move halfway across the planet) and then tell another colleague that I'm focusing too much on my project and they should give me their extra work?
Like, I get it but I don't get it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯9 -
i was hired to join a team of old devs (40+) in an unnamed European country "yay goodbye 3rd world it's time to enjoy the quality of life" assist with enhancing already existing software and creating new solutions.
prior to my arrival most things were slow and super buggy, looking at the code base it shouldn't be a surprise, amateur hour everyone, logic implemented that is not needed, comment driven development, last time code review was done back in 1996. lots of anti patterns.
i swear there is a for loop that does nothing but it loops through a 100+ elements list, trunk based development with tfs since git is "not really needed"
test projects are not there.
>enter me an educated fool, with genuine passion for the craft and somehow a decent amount of knowledge.
>spent the last year fixing stuff educating people on principles and qualities.
> countless hours of training and explaining. team is showing cooperation, a new requirement comes in to develop with react.
> tear my ass creating reusable shit and self explanatory code with proper naming etc using git with feature branching, monday is first deployment day.
> today a colleague was working on an item submit a pull request and self approve it
> look at the code..... WTF the dumb fuck copied and pasted the whole code from different kendo components but somehow managed to refractor the name to test component, commented out all the code that he didn't use did the api call directly from the component, has 2 useeffects that depends on the a fucking text box changes for no reason, no redux implementation, the acceptance criteria is not achieved, and it doesn't work it just look right.
> first world country shit cannot scold, cannot complain, lead by example.
>asked him why you did this, the response was yeah probably i shouldn't have done that, i really didn't understand anything in the training but didn't want to waste time!!!!
> rest of the team created a different styled disaster with different flavors they don't even name their shit the same way.
fellow developers I'm stuck in a spaceship with a bunch of imposters, seriously i never cried in my entire life now I'm teary and on the verge of a break down.
talk with management "improving needs time" and offers me to join a yoga session to release the stress as if reaching nirvana would deliver shit on monday.
i really don't know what do is this a rant, is this a cry for help, I'm not sure, any advice is welcomed.7 -
A colleague at work always says L.O.L. to jokes instead of actually laughing. So fucking annoying I feel like punching him in the face! 😤11
-
Honestly, I think this one is yet to come for me.
I've had a few bad experiences, but the worst ones are the ones where I couldn't find the time or brain to get some work done properly and therefore did bare minimum, so I basically was driven to shame because my teammates did almost everything.
Second to that, are times where I had to go through drama because teammates were absolutely incompetent or power hungry or inflexible.
Otherwise, it's "live and let die".
Note: I use "teammate" in general sense, equaling "coworker", "colleague", "the guy who's supposed to give me details or access" and "those in on the project" in this rant.2 -
[Half question / half rant]
Would you rather work with a laid-back, humorous colleague who produces shit code and won’t understand advice for improvement?
Or would you rather work with someone who’s more serious, even slightly boring, but who takes quality seriously and is open to advice?
Yes I’ve worked with both types. Hands down I prefer working with the latter. With the first dude I’ll have good conversations and a good laugh at his puns and jokes. But at the end of the day I’m pulling my hair trying to make sense of his code and spending a shitload of time reviewing his PRs just to make sure he’s not fucking things up even more.4 -
I stopped drinking soda. I talked to a colleague last week. He said artificial sweeteners in general have a higher risk of cancer. So I did my own research and found this to not only be true, but drinking sugared sodas also carries a risk. WTF?! Somebody else pointed out that "everything" causes cancer these days. But I don't want the sugar and I don't want my body producing methanol and then formaldehyde.
This week I am doing coffee and water only. I got some nice fresh bottled water and added some lemon juice to the water. Then I proceeded to drink the water. At first I was WTF is wrong with my water!? Then I realized I had put lemon juice in there.11 -
The panic when I overhear my colleague in a meeting "sure I can test it in prod but we normally don't do that..."5
-
are you guys also scared af of being recognized in this app by a boss/colleague? i think I'd crawl under a rock14
-
Very senior colleague: *hits a problem that is a minor inconvenience*
VSC: "I have to restart this task, the two weeks I put into it must be deleted!"
Me: "You forgot to do *this* here, add this 1 line and it's ok."
VSC: *An hour of rumbling about the codebase*
VSC: *adds my fix*
VSC: "Ok, it works now, you can review again"
Me: *cries inside*2 -
So about two months ago in my consulting firm I was asked to replace a colleague on a project (node and Angular). The project is only a few months old but it’s already a total clusterfuck. DB is very poorly designed. It’s supposed to be a relational database but there’s not a trace of a foreign key or any key for that matter and I’ve seen joins like tableA.name = tableB.description (seriously, that’s your relation??). The code is a mess with entire blocks of code copied from another project and many parts of the code aren’t even used. He didn’t even bother renaming variables so they would make sense in the context they were shamelessly thrown into. The code is at best poorly typed if not typed at all.
During our dailies I sometimes express my frustration with my other colleagues as I very politely allude to my predecessor’s code as being hard to work with. (They are all “good friends" with him). I always get the same response from my colleagues: "yeah but you’ve gotta understand Billybob was under a lot of pressure. The user stories were not well defined. He didn’t have time to do a proper job". That type of response just makes me boil inside.
Because you think I have time to deal with this shit? You don’t think I’m working with the same client and his user stories that are barely intelligible? How long does it take to write type definitions for parameters going into a function? That’s right, 30 seconds at most? Maybe a minute if it’s a more elaborate object? How much time do you think you’ll save yourself with a properly typed function or better yet an interface? Hard to tell but certainly A LOT MORE than those 30 seconds you lost (no, the 30 seconds you INVESTED) in writing that interface!!!
FUCK people with their excuses! Never tell me you don’t have time to do a proper job! You’ve wasted HOURS of my time just because you were too fucking lazy to type your functions, too lazy to put just a little more thought into designing your tables, too lazy to rename a variable so that it’s name actually makes sense where it’s being used. It’s not because you were short on time. You’re just lazy!
FUCK!!!!!!4 -
> colleague: My file has 79.25% of unit testing coverage
> supervisor: you're almost there! One final effort and you'll get that 0.75%!
Seeing someone this fucking dense is physically frustrating even when I'm not involved3 -
!rant
Communication is IMPORTANT, and the way to approach someone is also IMPORTANT.
I experienced that my colleague is from China, and his English accent is so strong (in the context of not understandable, like the word 'folder' he pronounces it 'foda', and the word 'code' he pronounces it 'korr') that I have to ask him to repeat himself (which sometimes I felt guilty to ask him to repeat for thrice, and I am still not able to understand) or maybe we can do it over text. It is much easier to understand him that way and I can leverage these texts to see a bigger picture of the message.
From this, I realised I need to work more on understanding what he is going to say and what he actually meant.
Any advice for me?9 -
Was working on an algorithm a few months back. I was not liking how long it was taking to process some data. A colleague of mine said: "Just throw out the data that is past a certain distance. You don't need it." At first I was shocked. Throw out data... Seemed so wrong at the time. He was correct, and it made sense. What was I saving it for? Posterity?1
-
Thursday afternoon. Client gives us the go to deploy the latest release to production.
Friday late afternoon; my colleague - "wait, did we ever deploy"? Me - "uh, nope".
"Alright have a good weekend" -
The workday today was shit but my colleague just randomly dropped off some ice cream (:
God bless you Martin2 -
seeing questions like "finding the Longest Substring Without Repeating Characters" and being unable to find answer for hours make me question myself as a developer and wanna leave the tech world entirely.
And i am the dev who reduced an app size from 64mb to 27mb and rewrote the entire payment stack for a 10million user base company :|
DSA and competitive programming is seriously a bullshit. The world runs on fancy buttons and screens, and grabbing user's attention should be the ultimate goal to get profits. nobody should be learning this aweful stuff anymore. We are storing the open source and stack overflow content below the oceans and glaciars for a fucking reason!, so that our future gen could use those stupid knowlege without recreating the wheel
Why do we have this inferiority complex component in our life? do foot doctors also feel low for not able to understand heart or the working of eyeballs? they all are doctors to us, and all are equally appreciated by peons, HRs, receptionists the owner and even his freaking colleague doctors and seniors!!
But here we will be judged by a stupid "coding interview" for the role of a dev . the interviewer will be laughing at me for not solving a trivial problem with strings, as if I am seeing those bloody strings for the first time. I will be like some peasent to him, asking for more wages while portraying myself as some unqualified filth
FUCK this SHIT22 -
Worst: Realizing there were crippling and horrible bugs in software that got shipped to customers. Also realizing that we truly don't know the amount of technical debt that contributed to these bugs. My most terrifying comment from a colleague: That software was written on a weekend and the dev was getting 3 hours a sleep a night. One of the bugs I found I was fighting for almost a year to even find what was causing the bug.
Best: Finding those bugs and eradicating them. Having confidence that the bugs we know about are truly dead and gone. Til we meet again...next...3 -
I was asked to make proof of concept small frontend app with some simplified requirements, they asked me because it should be written in the stack I done most of my career work with. I do it in 3 days instead of 5, using those 2 days to optimise the app and explore different approaches. I noted down my findings, what to avoid and reasons and also what is good to use and reasons and shared with everyone.
We waited for the project to start, I started working on another project in the meantime and there was a big rush to make project go live etc., so I was consumed 100% on that new project.
So they put in charge backend php developer to do frontend js work. I said ok, do you need help in starting out? Nah, my proof of concept repo is enough.
4 days before that small project goes live they asked me to do code review. All things I noted down to avoid are in the codebase, few bad practices but everything is over-engineered (in a very bad way), some parts should be more flexible as current setup is very rigid, having almost all kinds of CSS, I saw SASS, CSS variables, 2 different CSS-in-JS tools with some additional libraries that is used to toggle classes.
I don't know how to approach this as I am not asshole as a person and I don't want to say to my colleague that his codebase is completely trash, but it is.
The worst parts: They called me to help finish the app and budget is almost spent!
I would rewrite the whole app as the state of the current app is unusable and everything is glued with bad Chinese ducktape that barely holds.
Additional points because it won't bundle as everything is f**ked.
I am seriously thinking of duplicating master branch and refactor the whole fricking app but won't do that as I am burning midnight oil on other two projects. Don't worry overtimes are paid.
I hate those shitty situations, this project was supposed to be tiny, sweet and example of decent project in this company but it is instead big fat franken-app that will be example how smart it is to avoid putting backend dev to do frontend work (I also agree for vice versa)! -
!dev
I wanted to prank a colleague. And he ruined it by showing up to the site of prank way too early, despite him having had clear instructions as to "let me know" once he gets to the office.
Anyways, as I was going to lengths getting this damn skeleton yesterday, I was thinking how much more fun it would be if my highschool bestfriend was here instead of him, and what greater lengths I'd go just to prank her. Halloween specially would be prank every day for a week! 😆
Now, point to make, is that the mentioned bestfriend is well and alive, just wants to live her life her own way, and that doesn't include having a goofy friend such as me as close anymore (and I feel that's fair, however much I don't like it)
But that I am projecting my friendship with her on this new friend/colleague... creepy of me, I know, but like... also sad. Like I felt bad for myself for a second there. How many times in a lifetime do you get to feel bad for yourself?
*Cue Joji's Glimpse of Us*6 -
Part rant, part a question. Im working with a colleague on an android app. The guy uses a library for everything that he cant solve on the first try. Need rounded corners? Get a random library from github. Settle a dispute. Am i wrong for trying to avoid using libraries unless i have to or is he?3
-
Well here it goes,
I started out in customer support (A lot of stuff to tell here).
1.
One of my colleagues would come to work drunk, like every day he would smell of boze (the hard stuff 80%+). When a customer got on his nerves he endet the call and threw his Keyboard across the room. He worked in the company 3+ Years after I left.
2. Another colleague would connect to his Personal Computer at his home and play WoW while at work ( Allthough the man was a genius with a lot of free time, until a new task was assigned to him)
3. My Boss at the time did some really shitty things. I worked 17 hour days (while I was 18) for a week, and at the end of the week he shredded the accrued overtime with some Bullshit Explanation. (I did not stay long after this shitshow happened).
4. A dispatcher who sent our technicians out scheduled their tasks so that they were on the road for weeks and did not see their families. This led to a very strong turnover among technicians.
And yes, this company still operates today.1 -
Normal colleagues pick the right slack channel and post a message there.
My colleague picks a random channel that has no relation to dev at all and posts a question/request there.
He must be using a random script to pick the next channel name :D -
I'm doing a code review on a huge feature, basically touching every part of our authorization logic, and man... It's like my colleague writes his code to be as hard to read as possible. He's 60+ and you'd think he'd have learned how to write good and clear code, but nope. "Let's make it cool cool and I look like I'm a genius. And if I can spend 3 keystrokes less on a function I'm happy". Fuck me.
-
So.... my colleague just used `var` for assigning every variable in Flutter.
What a wonderful day....1 -
Worst: forced to work for 9 months on a shitty wp theme:
- colleague with no clue trying to make me do their work… check
- incompetent manager doing shit about it… check
- idiotic pipeline requiring to redeploy for every asset update… check
- micromanaging cto which for some fucking reason didn’t want to allow access to the writers, forcing the role of content editor on the devs… ducking check! Quack!!
Best: automated lots of processes in my free time, all stuff which I can reuse! -
My surname is also a common firstname, so sometimes people mix them up and call me by my surname. I'm never offended and just answer by calling them by their surname too, so they understand... usually.
Today, the following e-mail exchange happened:
(Following are made-up names)
Me: Alexander William
Colleague 1: Kurt Richardson
Colleague 2: Amy Lopez
From: k.richardson@contoso.com <Kurt Richardson>
To: a.william@contoso.com <Alexander William>
Cc: a.lopez@contoso.com <Amy Lopez>
Hi,
Could I have an USB-C to HDMI adapter please ?
Thanks.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: a.william@contoso.com <Alexander William>
To: k.richardson@contoso.com <Kurt Richardson>
Cc: a.lopez@contoso.com <Amy Lopez>
Hi Kurt,
I'm currently remote-working but if you are on premises tomorrow I could give one to you.
If you're not there tomorrow, I'll just drop it on Amy's desk so you can get it from her.
Regards,
Alexander William
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: k.richardson@contoso.com <Kurt Richardson>
To: a.william@contoso.com <Alexander William>
Cc: a.lopez@contoso.com <Amy Lopez>
Hi William,
I'm working on premises every thursday.
Regards.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: a.william@contoso.com <Alexander William>
To: k.richardson@contoso.com <Kurt Richardson>
Cc: a.lopez@contoso.com <Amy Lopez>
No problem, Richardson. As I said I'll then drop it on Lopez' desk.
Regards,
Alexander William
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: k.richardson@contoso.com <Kurt Richardson>
To: a.william@contoso.com <Alexander William>
Cc: a.lopez@contoso.com <Amy Lopez>
Good evening William, [Editor's Note: this was received at 14:23]
Thanks.
Is he fucking dense or what?11 -
probably when 8 hours before rushed release i pushed my part of the codebase into the wrong branch which fucked up everyone else's rushed release of different parts of that codebase and now a colleague had to spend several hours unfucking the repo on top of finishing the rushed release of his part of the codebase.
oh and in the end my code didn't even work as it was supposed to.7 -
I've said this before, but i always get the spot I'm hoping for. there was one time i got rejected though.
i met a colleague during the interview process, and really thought he was getting that spot, he was much more qualified than the other participants. there was about another 4, out of which 3 still looked like good competition. the 4th one got there late, couldn't form a coherent sentence to save his life and had no job experience.
guess who they picked :v8 -
My day couldn't start in a worse day.
We are having a demo this week and I worked yesterday after hours to get the product ready. Tested everything and we were all set for the demo content.
Today we installed the new version with my fixes and nothing worked. Today's version should be the golden version to prep the demo! Obviously everyone starts looking at me as to why nothing works both worried and eager to help. But I got so stressed I just wanted to dig a hole.
Luckily after going through the logs a colleague of mine pieced together something he heard about another colleague on another location we have submitted a fix (without telling our location) that f**ked up the whole system.
Luckily we reverted it since the system was better without it and got it stable again but after all of that I had to go rest because until we found the answer I was starting to think I couldn't get one thing right. I think it was the most stressful moment in 5+ years on this job4 -
#Story time.
Been working on a project for 2 months with Colleague "Jim" doing the code reviews. Project is finished in a stable form and can be extended if needed. Then my other colleague/boss "Mo" decided that we need to do a refactor. Fast forward a bit and the conclusion is "Mo" and "Jim" are going to discuss every step with me. And we started a new project that should do the same as the project I just finished
Here some facts:
Every day a meeting/ code review / discussion.
Decisions they make I do not agree with.
I need to redo my work multiple times.
Now this does make me look like a toddler that needs supervision which is not the case.
They want something future proof and something that fits his new coding standard "Mo". and certain things I do agree with and is clearly the better architecture. however somethings are just stupid, time wasting, making it worse. I'm getting so frustrated by the fact that billion dollar companies have clear coding standards that work. and are correct. and this company decided to do their own thing of stupid rules!
- shorten variables
- Keep lines under 90char
- put multiple things in 1 file
- Keep function names short
and many more of removing stuff and let you guess stuff..
I just... *sigh* get so tired of this shit.
*names are randomly chosen2 -
That one colleague coming up with questions unrelated to his teams field, not grasping your explanation, then answering bitchy because he doesn't understand and finally sends you a new (totally moronic) jira ticket after you stop responding to him, totally killing your last bits of motivation and concentration for that day.
fuck you. -
The masculine urge to skew a scredriver in the lungs of the very funny colleague who place several random return statements inside their function
13 -
I got contacted by an other company and I am so unsure whether to accept their offer or stay at my current job.
For now I spend 2 years at my current company. The culture is great and everyone gets treated very well.
The bad part is, that it is located in a part of Germany I really can't stand and to this day fully remote is not an option.
Additionally lots of stuff is really frustrating in my daily work, e.g. colleagues that experiment with critical parts if our infrastructure, resulting in every developer who made the mistake to update the local development stack being unable to work for half a day or so.
This and the fact, that our techstack sucks hard. (mostly bad php for backend and server-rendered HTML and a weird mix of Typescript, Javascript, Vue and some old bits of deprecated angular for frontend). This company has it's own product (a web platform) and no real deadlines in the sense of "something bad happens, when your team won't achieve the project in the originally proposed time"
Company number two seems to work with a wide variety of technologies for very different projects (it's a consulting compan), would pay me ~28% more than my currently raised pay and allows for full remote.
When I try to look objectively on the facts everything points to accepting their offer, but on the other hand there is this weird feeling of this being a joice that would come to soon...
How do you make such decisions? I already talked to a great colleague of mine, who thinks it might not be a bad idea to stay at the company for an additional year or 2, because I haven't yet reached the point where there is not enough to learn here anymore, which I agree on, but this company seems to offer everything I want.
I feel overwhelmed with this situation :D that's why I would like to know how you people try to tackle such a situation8 -
I have got ton of great colleagues that I have worked it and consider myself very fortunate that they were hunble and patience enough to deal with me.
Having said that, it would be evident that I have gotten some great advice too. In fact those minor comments here and there made me who I am today (a much better version of my past self).
One advice that I got from my South Korean colleague, who was based in Singapore and used to collaborate with team in Pacific time (US west coast) at odd hours uptil of 12 AM almost everyday.
When I was new, she kept telling me to get enough rest and not burn myself out. In early days I was very excited about the new stuff.
She said, 'Floyd make sure you set yourself up for a marathon and not a sprint.'
Damn! That hit me hard. Not just from a professional stand point, but also from a personal perspective, I realised that I need to slow down, enjoy the details, live those moments, and let shit go.
She is one of my favourites.3 -
There is always one colleague who is not satisfied with the management and keeps complaining to other than management persons. One of my senior has mastered this ability and it always make my mindset f**ked up.4
-
I have a colleague and I don’t know if they’re male or female. Not that it’s relevant, I’m just curious.
Note, I have only seen them in Zoom meetings. Never met them IRL.27 -
We had a dispute @ work yesterday on this topic :
aproach 1 :
$res = getSomeData( [ 'filter_1' => 'str_1', 'filter_2' => 'str_2', ... 'limit' => 10 );
with
function getSomeData( $data )
{
...
}
VS
aproach 2 :
$res = getSomeData( 'str_1', 'str_2', ... 10 );
with
function getSomeData( $filter_1 = '', $filter_2 = 'default_str', ... $limit = 20 )
{
...
}
I had used 1-st b/c IMHO it's more dynamic and easy to maintain and call ( especially when there are many params, most of which not used on each call )
and my colleague didn't liked it w/h his main arguments that one can not easily see the needed params and no default vals for them ( the latest could be easily corrected in the function body ). I'm curious to read your opinions, arguments & contra arguments for each aproach13 -
best: getting to work early and being alone in the office, no one calling me, making some coffee
worst: colleague got covid, had to do his work and mine, everyone bothering me every 2 minutes1 -
Update 2: https://devrant.com/rants/5446637/...
Not saying that my boss is wrong, but the way he gives feedback and teach me is just awful. Just today, a new colleague told me that one of the ex-team member quit because of our boss.
Anyway, the activity I was working on, I nailed it.
In morning connect, boss specifically told what he was looking for and made me do a live task and gave feedback. That made me realised what he was looking for.
I spent the day completing the activity. When I showed him, his jaw dropped.
He tried to pick on few things, but failed to do so.
He loved the output. Praised me and my persistence. Finally, the history repeated itself, and I learnt more about communication.
Possibly my weakest point out of all, where I was failing in interviews and had to fix that. Now, I got some pointers and will work on it to excel futher.
Yes, things were stressful, but I came out to be stronger.4 -
It was foolish of me to connect with my colleague in social media and now I can not rant there. But sad part is LinkedIn because they will know if I viewed.2
-
This is the first time I have a bad PM and it's much worse than having a pain in the ass colleague dev. A bad dev will mess his/work project and maybe slow down 1-2 other devs.
But a bad PM will doom the whole project, wasting lots of time of the devs working under him/her. Costing much more company's money.
PM:This task should be ready by next week.
Me : This task will require X weeks time for developing and delivery
PM: What?! That's too long, it's a simple one, should be done in a few days.
Me: **explaining the challenges, limitation, env set up, testing etc. Also because I am a junior so may take more time than experienced dev**
PM: **insist that this is important blah blah**
Me: Understand your points but X days is just too little, I don't want you to blame me for missing the deadline. Either we get a reasonable deadline or you can get more experienced dev to do it faster.
**Knowing well that I have the most experience in this task and other devs are busy with their own tasks**
In the end I have to escalate this argument to more senior manager because both of us won't budge. Not only she agreed to extend the deadline she also assigned a senior dev to help me when I am stuck.
His other mistakes I noticed during my time working under him:
- not consulting senior dev for the approach to the task (thus we have to change the design twice).
- assigning tasks to people without sufficient background (a java dev is being assigned a python task, it's doable but it's going to be faster if we assign to someone with more python experience right?)
I understand that our company is short-staffed, but I begin to wonder if the stress the devs endure is because of that or because of his incompetence.
Next time, I am going to specifically ask not to work under him again.2 -
How do I overcome the fear of failure as a developer? I know that failures are a daily thing in the life of a developer but I'm severely afraid to mess things up. My colleague explained something to me that also involves making changes to the database but I'm really afraid to make mistakes. How does one overcome that initial fear? And did anyone experience the same as a junior developer?4
-
Colleague tells me that, in PHP, this is an unsafe selector.
$a = $some_array['foo']['bar'];
And that if ['bar'] has no value, $a will default to $some_array['foo']
Is this right?, because that doesn't seem right to me...9 -
I was a bootcamper. I’m on my first job now (I’m still currently at the same place after a year and a half). Doing web development (all JS/TS) with node, react and angular. I started it out working with another guy and now I’m alone. I’ve made more progress being alone since I’ve had to take on stuff my colleague was doing. But with being alone comes more pressure as it’s all on me and when shit hits the fan I don’t really have anybody I can fall back on. Also I feel like I’m missing out on team dynamics and learning from other people I could be working with. In any case I’m learning a lot, I’m meeting the deadlines and getting the job done. It’s a good first experience.2
-
Me: Hey I haven't used these repos/tokens/files in a while, let's remove them to clear up some space
Day later, a colleague: Hey Alex, could you update this repo/token/file?
EVERY FUCKING TIME1 -
I am a Computer Science student which started work for a company 5 months ago being paid 20k. In the same time I am working on a project for somewhere over 17 pounds an hour. The guys on that project want to keep me for good to work with them on projects (they are a software company ran by a friend of my best friend) but the problem is they are in Europe and they can only offer me freelance work. This place I am working at is great but the salary increases are low. I have a colleague working there for 3 and a half years running a big chunk of their operations and he is making a petty 33k. I do not know what to do, should I job hop after 6 months and work with those amazing people for a bigger salary even if they are in Europe or should I keep hanging on this job on the current wage with maybe a 5k increase by the end of the year because it is more stable? I am curious to hear about similar experiences and how other people will perceive me by doing this step.4
-
I see different colleague, feel and think that they know how to do while that i am tangled. When i try explain some, i complicate the things and nothing understand me not even i understand me. They have the practice but i have the theory, at the end the practice is more important.
-
Guys, i am having a tough time in work. So, i am sharing the story and questions here-
Initially, i was doing well with new projects and other existing projects where implemented new features.
But recently, i am assigned to a old project created by clients and some senior developer worked on it .
Ps: I was also assigned to this project 8 months earlier but was reassigned to other projects.
Now, Our senior developer who worked on it resigned because of the messy project and a lot of pressure from boss.
my colleague also resigned because of this.
Due to this, all this pressure thrown upon me. I am working on it relentlessly but i am soo burned out that i am actually feeling sick and constantly having headache.
And main thing is that the project has so many errors which iam getting during testing and i have to fix all of the error.
And yes they have documentation but shitty unreadable documentation . My manager also rebuking me why i dont remember things said to me 8 months earlier. (That time i just joined the company)
I don't know what will happen to me if i cant tackle this project.
And what should i do in such cases as my mental health is deteriorating day by day.3 -
How do you handle a colleague who just throws his/her work at you saying that he/she is able to implememt things at his/her side in meetings. And when you ask on personal he/she says not done yet !? Things getting delayed because of that and I don't know what to do ? can you give some advice.....1
-
Interviewed for a job. Said that the colleague in charge of data engineering picked MSSQL Server for data warehousing, and that I had to write a plugin for that.
Interviewer - experienced in all things data - chuckled as soon as I said Microsoft. -
Context: data warehouse
A colleague gets notified that his historisation produces duplicates. He checks the tables, sees that something has gone wrong ... and asks me for help.
I'm so sorry but I had to laugh so hard. Turns out everything crashed cause the value to be historised had changed back to an earlier version (which can happen). And now I'm here wondering how someone who calls himself a senior dev can create a historisation without taking care of gaps and islands. Seriously, how can you not think about that?4
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