So fed up of existing.

I am not saying that I am suicidal, but if a truck was accelerating towards me, I would not bother to move.

Even though I consider myself decently successful in life in terms of career, friendship, and to some extent, family. I strongly feel that I am in a very wrong environment.

I have zero trust, safety, love, and nurturing care from my parents and others around me.

I lack physical privacy, psychological safety, and emotional void.

My hypothesis is that if I was in a better environment with slightly lesser responsibilities and needs better met, I could have achieved wonders. With that, who wouldn't?

Why do we exist? Just to suffer?

I miss psychological safety. I'll define it as the willingness to be vulnerable to criticism and the belief that contrary opinions are embraced and judged on their merit.

When I first entered the startup scene my manager had exceptional candor. He had no qualms talking about how kids and personal projects caused his investment in his work to wax and wane.

He always made time to talk to me when I was frustrated and made me feel like he truly listened to what I had to say, even if he didn't act on it.

At the time, I attributed the safety to the company culture created by the CTO. The startup failed and eventually, I found my way to that CTO's next startup.

Completely different experience. I find myself in despair as I hear "I'm more senior and therefore am right and don't have time or interest in your ideas" blatantly stated.

When I disagree with people, I try to ask clarifying questions to identify where the divergence occurs. Sometimes I'm surprised and learn something new, sometimes my questions prompt reconsideration.

With the CTO (now CEO), we go in circles where he squirms, deflects, and outright refuses to respond to my questions. He cancels 75% of 1:1's and when we do talk he suggests that if I disagree I "should introspect which of my beliefs is holding me back from embracing his superior way of doing things"

Multi-hour slack wars suck the life out of anyone trying to ask questions. It's so exhausting to ask questions it's often cheaper and faster to wallow in despair for an hour and hack something together than descend into people shouting preferences at each other and shaming me for not already knowing the answer.

Perks, pay, and tech-stack are all cool. It feels selfish to be unhappy because I can't innovate or challenge the status quo. Having tasted that safety though, I'm left with an unquenched thirst that grows stronger with every conflict.

1. A work environment that has a high level of trust.
2. I feel like I have to mention project aristotle of Google...
3. Psychological safety (( from project aristotle ))
4. Result oriented work environment
5. Just love tbh... a working environment that is a soft place to land

The ultimate rage-fueled, caffeine-deprived, sleep-deprived, absolutely done-with-this-shit PR review rant.
You know what? I’m done. I’m DONE. I submit a PR, I triple-check it, I run all the tests, I follow the damn coding standards. I hit submit thinking, ‘Ah yes, this is a good piece of code, I did well.’ And then? THEN??!

The floodgates of hell open.
"Hey, can you make this function name more descriptive? BRO IT’S CALLED getUserData(), WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? retrieveUserDataFromTheDepthsOfTheDatabaseAndFormatItAccordingToTheSacredGuidelinesOfOurAncestors()?!Fuck grammarly #$%&*

Or the classic:
‘Hmm, this line could be optimized.’ OH REALLY, COULD IT? Could it really? Would shaving off 0.000001ms on a non-critical function really revolutionize our application? WILL IT SAVE THE WORLD? WILL IT END WORLD HUNGER?! NO? THEN LEAVE ME ALONE!

And of course, there’s always one smartass who wants to flex their ‘knowledge’ with a random suggestion:FUCK YOU GRAMMARLY &*(_+‘Have you considered rewriting this in Rust for better memory safety? SIR. THIS IS A FRONTEND BUTTON HANDLER. TAKE YOUR RUST AND GO.

THEN ohhhh THEN the moment you fix everything, push your changes, AND THEN the same reviewer who just tormented you for three hours goes, "LGTM 👍". THAT'S IT? THAT’S ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY AFTER MAKING ME REWRITE HALF MY CODE??

AND THEN, THE FINAL BOSS MOVE:
‘Can you squash your commits?’
SQUASH??? SQUASH?!?! BRO, I’M ABOUT TO SQUASH MY LAPTOP ON YOUR BALD STINKY HEAD.

At this point, I am convinced PR reviews exist purely for torture. They are not about improving the code. They are a psychological experiment to see how long it takes before a developer completely loses their mind and starts a new life as a goat farmer.

I swear, next PR, I’m just merging it straight into COMPANY'S ASS main and letting fate decide.

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