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Manager: We need to setup the security in the Mexico server
Dev: You mean that 3rd party firewall add on?
Manager: Yes
Dev: And set up the billing on the Mexico account?
Manager: Yes
Dev: lol, sure thing I’ll create the ticket
Manager: What’s so funny?
Dev: Nothing
Ticket: Build wall and get Mexico to pay for it.14 -
Manager: How come the intern does way more tickets than you?
Dev: Because you told me to only give him the easy ones since he either can’t do them otherwise or takes too long on the hard ones
Manager: Well how is he going to learn if we only give him easy ones?
Dev: That’s what I told you when you orig—
Manager: Assign him ALL of the hard tickets on your board immediately!
*Tickets closed per day drops significantly*
Manager: WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG ON THESE TICKETS!!!!!
Dev: …19 -
Manager: This button is too dark, you need to lighten it. Have you no sense of design?
Dev: …
Dev: Hows this for an adjustment?
Manager: Wayyyyy too light now, jesus you need glasses if you think that’s good.
Dev: …
Dev: How about now?
Manager: It’s close, make it just a little more dark. God why does this have to take so long, do I have to hold your hand through this entire process!
Dev: …
Dev: There that good?
Manager: Yes that’s perfect! Send me a PR immediately so I can approve, we need to get this out ASAP, it’s critical!!
Dev: I can’t.
Manager: ????
Dev: There’s no diff, you had me gradually adjust the colour back to exactly what it was originally.
Manager: THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE IT LOOKS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT. HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME LIKE THIS, I HAVE A MEETING I NEED TO GET OFF TO BUT WE WILL BE HAVING WORDS LATER ABOUT THIS INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR.
Dev: …16 -
Manager: I can’t believe you use Linux, that is such an outdated operating system. You need to get with the times and move to a more modern one like Windows or Mac. Literally NOBODY uses Linux anymore, do you still go to Blockbuster Video too? Ha!
Dev: …
I’m starting to realize that 80% of my job is resisting the urge to punch this guy in the face. Thanks goodness for remote work.35 -
Manager: You really shouldn’t be doing that
Dev: It’s in my job description
Manager: Yeah but you still shouldn’t be doing it.
Dev: Who should I hand it off to?
Manager: We don’t have anyone else to hand off that task to.
Dev: Ok, do I stop doing it?
Manager: 😡 Of course not, it needs to get done! I’m just saying you shouldn’t do it.
Dev: ???????????13 -
Manager: This code you wrote violates the single responsibility principle!!
Dev: How so?
Manager: You have one function that you call in *MULTIPLE* places. That’s too much responsibility for one function! Functions should only have one responsibility!! Creeping the scope of a function beyond that is a TERRIBLE way to write code!
Dev: But why spin up multiple functions that all perform the same thing?
Manager: Well if a function has a bug in it and you use that function multiple places then that bug exists everywhere you use that function. If a function only has one responsibility then if it has a bug that bug will only exist in the single place it is called! You really should think first before asking questions like that.
Dev: …27 -
Manager: Hey what was that that you closed on your screen just now?
Dev: That popup? That’s NVIDIA letting me know that a new driver for my GPU is available.
Manager: Isn’t that for video games?
Dev: I mean that’s the reason many people opt into having a GPU but It’s not the on—
Manager: You are NOT allowed to play video games on your work computer!
Dev: This is my personal computer. It’s just an older GPU I popped onto this computer since otherwise it was just sitting in a drawer. My work computer is out of commission.
Manager: Well where is your work computer? How come you are not using it?
Dev: …Because of that blue screen of death issue we talked about yesterday.
Manager: Ok but that doesn’t give you permission to play VIDEO GAMES on your *WORK* computer.
Dev: …27 -
Manager: THE SERVER IS DOWN THE SERVER IS DOWN!!!!
Dev: Ok I’ll look into it
*5 mins later
Dev: Wow these are really strange logs, it’s like config values are being changed all over the place while I’m looking at it
Manager: Well I figured while you were looking into it I’d go i to the server settings and change everything I could find in order to try and get the server back up again. Two sets of hands are better than one, Is it up yet???
Dev: …No.
Manager: I THOUGT YOU SAID YOU’D LOOK INTO THIS. I NEED ANSWERS NOW. WHAT IS TAKING SO LONG?!?!?
Dev: …13 -
Manager: You devs are constantly complaining about context switching, if you were on my level you would be able to multitask and switch from task to task without an— hold on I’m getting a text *tap* *tap* *tap tap* *tap* *send noise*
Manager: Right, what were we talking about again?
Dev: …15 -
Manager: Hurry up and login, I don’t have all day
Dev: One sec I have to lookup my password for the system
Manager: How can you not remember your password? Everything requires it these days
Dev: I use a different password for each service.
Manager: Wow you really like to overcomplicate things. Just use the same one for everything like I do, it’s way more efficient!
Dev: …19 -
Manager: Good news everyone, I made a big giant announcement this morning that the app upgrades will be released today!
Dev: They definitely won’t be, we need another 2 weeks minimum. I told you yesterday
Manager: Ok well I already made the announcement that today was the day so too bad for you.
Dev: Doesn’t change the state of things
Manager: 😡 This announcement is supposed to motivate you to work faster! You guys are making me look bad when you don’t support me like this!
Dev: Working as fast as we can, it’s a 2 person dev team for 4 separate applications so it’s quite a bit to get pushed through
Manager: Ok well then stay extra then, we have to get this out asap. Tell your spouses they are not going to be seeing much of you until this work is done. People are starting to ask questions!!!!!
Dev: Not my problem, it’s done when its done. I’m not staying extra.
Manager: !!
// *************
Might be blowing my cover a little but what are they going to do? Fire me? Good luck getting this out without me. They’ve tried to replace me in the past but the cheapest person they could find was 60k more expensive than me and still couldn’t keep up. Probably they’ll ship the work overseas and the code will die in a dumpster fire and cost them even more. Ah well, just another company that doesn’t deserve code.21 -
Over the course of a few months, I began to suspect my manager disliked me on a personal level. I decided to be proactive and invited him to a meeting on "Improving our working relationship" - he showed up 5 minutes late and fired me.12
-
Why the Fuck would someone disable pasting on a password field!!!! How the fuck am I supposed to enter my shit from my password manager now?16
-
Manager: Why did you clear the data from the database? The client is now specifically requesting it and we don’t have it anymore!
Dev: You told me to.
Manager: Well why did you listen? It’s obvious now that that data was very important and should have been kept!
Dev: Last time you told me to do something that wasn’t a good idea I tried to explain why and told me not to question you ever again and that doing so was “disrespectful” and then threatened to have me fired. So now I just go along with what you say and let you suffer the consequences of not listening.
Manager: Well don’t do that then! It’s obviously not working very well! It’s ok to disagree with me you just have to make sure that what you think is something I agree with!
Dev: …13 -
Manager: Feature C doesn’t work
Dev: We never built feature C
Manager: Nonsense, I remember feature C clearly!
Dev: It’s still in the backlog
Manager: But we had many meetings about it
Dev: Never got put on the board
Manager: Feature C is very important!
Dev: It was never assigned to anyone
Manager: What could possibly be more important than Feature C?
Dev: All the other features you placed on the board and assigned up until now
Manager: Well I need Feature C done asap! It should be top priority!
Dev: Ok then next sprint add feature C to the board and assign it to someone
*Next planning session manager leaves feature C in backlog in favour of other tickets*
*2 days later*
Manager: What is the status of feature C?
Dev: You opted to leave it in the backlog
Manager: BUT IT SHOULD BE TOP PRIORITY!
Dev: …9 -
Manager: You know you did good this week, take the entire day off tomorrow
Dev: Really?
Manager: Yeah my treat.
Dev: Can you send that to me in an email?
Manager: ….I mean yeah, but I don’t see why that is necessary
*** About halfway through The next day
Manager: WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?! YOU HAVEN’T COMPLETED A SINGLE TICKET TODAY OR REVIEWED A SINGLE PR OR EVEN SO MUCH AS ATTENDED THE STANDUP. EXPLAIN YOURSELF!
Dev: You said I could take the day off today?
Manager: YEAH BUT YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO ACTUALLY TAKE IT OFF!! I WAS GIVING YOU THE OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW DEDICATION TO THE COMPANY BY COMING IN ANYWAY BUT NO YOU THOUGHT YOU’D JUST TAKE ADVANTAGE OF OUR GENEROSITY AND HAVE AN ENTIRE DAY TO YOURSELF?! GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS, THERE ARE URGENT TICKETS ON THE BOARD!
Dev: …16 -
Dev: Hey our current server is starting to chug a bit. Can I get approved for $1200 additional spend to double the speed?
Manager: *Sharp inhale*. We need this project to cost as little as possible, we really can’t justify spending any additional money for any reason right now.
*2 days later*
Manager: YOU ARE APPROVED FOR $100,000 TO IMMEDIATELY IMPLEMENT SOMETHING RELATED TO NFTs IN ANY OF OUR APPS. THE BUSINESS NEEDS TO EXPAND INTO THE METAVERSE ASAP IMMEDIATELY. I NEED AN ETA BY EOD AS TO WHEN THIS CAN BE ROLLED OUT.
Dev: …16 -
Dev: *Recieves email from manager with several typos/grammar mistakes asking to open attachment with strange name and click on tinyurl style link*
Dev: *Flags as phishing*
Manager: Hey how come you didn’t action my email?
Dev: That was actually from you?
Manager: Yes.
Dev: …3 -
Manager: Have you fixed the problem?
Dev: What’s the problem?
Manager: We’re not here to discuss problems we’re here to discuss solutions!
Dev: …11 -
Manager: So great news, we will also be building a new app this year!!
Dev: We only have 2 devs and we already struggling to maintain/build our current portfolio of applications. I don’t think we have the resources to support another.
Manager: Nonsense, this is a very small project management app that was requested by the CEO himself!
Dev: …We already have MS project, why can’t they just use that?
Manager: The executive team isn’t interested in learning MS Project, it’s way too complicated. They want us to build an internal version of MS Project one feature at a time so they can pick it up over time instead of getting overwhelmed with learning MS Project all at once. It also needs to have loads of customizable automation features so leadership doesn’t ever have to get “in the weeds” having to work with it. It needs to basically run itself!
Dev: …What about this is small?
Manager: Well that is the requirement.
Dev: …18 -
Dev: I think we should send Dev2 for some training and certification
Manager: We do not train people or have them certified. When you train people and especially if you have them certified they always leave the company for better offers so we no longer do that.
Dev: So the plan is to have a the company operated by a bunch of untrained uncertified people?
Manager: 😡 You are being disrespectful again20 -
Dev: Why did you suddenly start adding random whitespace to the end of all of the files in your PRs?
Manager: IT’S NOT RANDOM!
Dev: ?
Manager: That’s a way I came up with for tracking my contributions. Every time I edit a file I add a line of whitespace at the bottom so it’s clear to everyone how much and how often I’ve contributed to the team. Although I haven’t been doing it this entire time so I had to make up for this by adding more to files that I *know* I’ve touched a bunch before. Just think! Especially with how big my PRs are compared to everyone else the tally of my contributions is going to get huge!
Dev: …20 -
Dev: So we’ve been working on X for about 2 weeks now, it’s about halfway do—
Manager: Btw what is the status of X?
Dev: I was just telling you
Manager: Oh, I wasn’t listening.
Dev: …
Dev: So as I was saying, we’re ab—
Manager: Oh and where are we at with Y?
Dev: …10 -
Manager: Everyone will be required to switch to Mac in the next couple of months.
Dev: Um, why?
Manager: Macs are more professional and developer focused than windows machines, I read it in an article. Plus they look way nicer.
Dev: Half of the applications we use don’t have a version that works on iOS.
Manager: What? How do you know?
Dev: I have a Mac for occasionally doing some work on the iOS app we support. I ran into that when I was setting it up as a development environment.
Manager: You have a Mac?
Dev: Yes
Manager: Why? How come you don’t use it for development?
Dev: …17 -
Just got this little stinker added to my board this morning….
Ticket Title: Weird shit going on in app
Ticket Description: (blank)
Attachment: <Screenshot of app logo>
Manager: Well what do you think is causing it?
Dev: Causing what?? This ticket doesn’t describe anything at all
Manager: Well it’s a bunch of different things! The ticket is just a high level summary. Now how long do you think it’ll take to fix?
Dev: …16 -
Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?
Manager: It should work how it worked before.
Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.
Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.
Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.
Manager: Just how it worked before!
Dev: ...
Manager: ...
Dev: fuck you18 -
Manager: I’m so sick and tired of you devs whining about technical debt and how it’s slowing down our progress, so here’s the deal. You have until the end of this week to eliminate all technical debt in the codebase. After that I NEVER WANT TO HEAR YOU COMPLAIN ABOUT TECHNICAL DEBT EVER AGAIN!!!
Dev: …16 -
Manager (via phone): You need to setup the CEO with access to the app IMMEDIATELY
Dev: Ok…What’s the occasion?
Manager: There is a big important meeting right now where we go over our achievements for the year and my plan was to have him log in and play around.
Dev: Likely would have been worth mentioning at this mornings standup.
Manager: Don’t be a smart ass. In fact, if you were actually smart you would have given him an account in the first place! So you’re just an ass then, what kind of idiot doesn’t give the CEO an account to an app like this?
Dev: Actually you specifically asked for him to be removed when I added him. “Unnecessary Optics” you said.
Manager: THAT’S BULLSHIT, I NEVER SAID THAT!!
Dev: It’s in our meeting minutes from 2 years ago.
Manager: STOP WRITING THE THINGS I SAY DOWN IT’S COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY.
Dev: I’ll make a note of that request
Manager: YOU ABSOL—ok looks like he’s waving me back in the room now the account must be working now bye. *click*.
Dev: Moron.9 -
*In GitHub*
Manager: "Team, we've not made any changes in UI recently.. we've to do something".
UI: "Let's switch right pane to left."
Public: "Wow.."2 -
The thing that I hate the most about my job:
Manager: We need to get this done.
Me: okay. (after some scouring online) this open source library looks like a perfect fit for the requirement.
Manager: oh sweet.
*some eons later*
Me: dude, I developed this general purpose utility and I think this might be helpful to other developers and something that we could open source.
Manager: uh no. Company policy.
Me: but we make use of open source libraries all the time.
Manager: that's different.4 -
Manager: We do not identify as a tech company so don’t expect tech company salary increases this year
Dev: Well don’t expect me to bring a tech work ethic then
Manager: !!5 -
Manager: What’s taking so long on that PR?? It’s just some small styling adjustments
Dev: No it’s not you added an entire new calendar module that doesn’t work
Manager: Ok but besides that it’s just a small couple of css edits
Dev: You made styling changes in 50 files, half of which break our mobile responsiveness
Manager: Well then STOP talking to me and FIX IT if you’re so smart.
Dev: You also added a series of filters on a table in this same PR that cause th—
Manager: OK SO I GOT A BIT DISTRACTED THE FACT IS IT ALL NEEDS TO GET DONE SO IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ALL ON ONE PR SPLITTING THINGS UP INTO SMALL UPDATES IS JUST UNNECESSARY BUREAUCRACY AND IF YOU LIKE THAT THEN GO. WORK. FOR. THE GOVERNMENT!!!
Dev: …10 -
Manager: Alright, we've decided we're gonna just going to accept PayPal and also credit card checkout through PayPal in the next two days!
Dev: ...
Manager: We can achieve this timeline, right?
Dev: ...
Manager: Alright, awesome to see your motivation! Let's do it!
Dev: YOU ANSWER PHONE CALLS, TALK TO PEOPLE AND 'STRATEGIZE' ALL DAY. YOU DON'T HAVE TO RELY ON THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE USING THE APP WITHOUT ERROR. THAT'S ON ME, NOT YOU, SO JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!
Manager: ...
Dev: ...8 -
Manager: Please make that text in plane white.
FullStackClown: Oooo, that's a tough one. What's plane white?
Manager: Are you serious? You literally don't know what the color white is?
FullStackClown: Well sure I know what white is, but I'm not sure what plane white is, there are dozens of airliners, and I'm sure they all have slightly different shades of what they are using for their light color in branding...
Manager: ...
FullStackClown: ...14 -
Manager: You can’t define an async function without using await.
Dev: Yes you can.
Manager: Well you shouldn’t, there’s no point!
Dev: Yes there is. It can turn blocking synchronous logic into work performed concurrently. In this case the perform—
Manager: It’s called async *await*. Async *AWAIT*! Did you hear the two parts to that? You shouldn’t ever have one without the other. THEY GO TOGETHER. Worrying about concurrency is for people who use callbacks which just goes to show how out of date your skills are. I’m reading a book on javascript and there are so many advanced techniques out there that I haven’t even seen you use ONCE!
Dev: …
*I looked at the book he’s reading, it’s from the < ES6 era… no wonder he doesn’t see me using any of those archaic patterns/hacks/workarounds…*13 -
Me: So what if this field has no info?
NonDev Manager: There should always be data in that field.
Me: *Shows the field has default set as null*
NonDev Manager: *thinks thinks thinks*, but they are always added...how...if...
Me: I'll default to X behavior.
NonDev Manager: ...Yeah...do that.
I know what should happen but it's so fun to see non-dev's scratch their heads with business logic edge cases that seem nonsensical to them. Yeah I'm a bit of a dick.3 -
Dev: * In the middle of pushing to prod *
Manager: Hey btw I forgot to mention the client asked for these 5 features awhile back as a part of this update and they just reminded me about them, I haven’t created tickets yet or told anyone about this. Will these features be included in the update that’s going out today?
Dev: …9 -
Manager: How come the push to prod didn’t happen?
Dev: We told you at the scrum yesterday. To reiterate, our dev environment was crashing so it’s not safe to push to prod until that is fixed.
Manager: Ok well lets set a goal to fix that and push to prod happens today so that it guaranteed happens.
Dev: That was our goal yesterday and it definitely didn’t happen.
Manager: I AM AWARE OF THAT. The corrective action is that this time compliance with the goal is 100% ABSOLUTELY MANDATORY!!
Dev: We’ll do our best, can’t guarantee anything until we figure out what the nature of what is occurring on dev though.
Manager: NO. I AM THE BOSS. YOU WILL 100% ABSOLUTELY COMPLY WITH THIS. THAT IS AN ORDER. YOU WILL SUCCESSFULLY GET THIS UPDATE OUT TO PROD TODAY. ANYTHING LESS THAN THAT SHALL BE CONSIDERED INSUBORDINATION. I WANT STATUS UPDATES EVERY 15 MINUTES ON WHERE WE ARE AT WITH THIS.
Dev: …
Dev: Can I get you to send me that request in an email?
*Manager leaves the meeting*
// *****************************
Job search is ticking along. It’s tough going though because I currently make ~120k and the best offers I’ve received so far are all ~70k because “You only have 2 years experience so you couldn’t possibly have the skills to be worth 120k. You are are junior level developer and 70K is already overpaying for you. We can pay you more later™. No we will not give you that in writing”. Ah well, the hunt continues.17 -
Manager: our file IO is slow, any suggestions to make it faster?
Code: multithread writing to a few hundred small (temp) files then single thread combine to one big file and delete the temp files.
Eyes: bleeding31 -
The Manager kept masturbating over "low hanging fruit".
The apples on the bottom of The Product have all been picked.
The apples at the top are starting to rot.
The Manager masturbated a bit more over the low hanging fruit.
The bottom of The Product is now so slippery with Manager Cum that the brave engineers can't reach the top anymore.
Time to bring my axe to work.13 -
Dev: Why do you have an identical if statement right below this one?
Manager: Because I want the code to double check, obviously.
Dev: …22 -
Manager: We really need to save money with this project, so nobody call tech support for anything.
Me: There's this open-source solution that would work great.
Manager: Bad idea! There's no tech support number to call.
Me: ...4 -
Every 2 months without fail:
Manager: I don’t understand what the point of writing tests is. They only ever pass and when they fail we just fix them so they pass again! It’s completely redundant!!! An exercise in absolute futility!
Dev: …19 -
So today the Manager told my coworker that "going to the toilet" is an excuse. We all work from home, "eating", "shiting", and anything other than work is considered excuses.
What in the bloody fuckery fuck is this?36 -
Manager: In ALL cases if someone uses vanilla javascript to do something instead of a library then that is a sign they are an ABSOLUTE BEGINNER!!!
Dev: …12 -
In retrospect, being open about autism in the workplace was a very bad decision.
My manager and CTO got to know about it and since that moment, every single thing I do has a different meaning to them.
All my technical decisions have to be validated by someone else, and my critique about how certain things are done is dismissed as if I were some kind of alien.
I really wonder when they're gonna ask me about their future or something.28 -
Manager: In order to increase business resiliency we will be doing cross training this week.
Dev: What does that involve?
Manager: Everyone will do everyone else’s job for one day each. After this you will all be considered trained so that if anyone can easily fill in for anyone else.
Dev: …9 -
**at daily standup
Dev: and along with a push to production that is what I’ll be doing today
Manager: Good good, alright, nice….. ok who else hasn’t gone yet? Dev how about you go next
Dev: …I literally just went
Manager: What? Well what did you say then? Hey when is that push to prod happening? I feel like there should be one happening sometime soon.
Dev: …8 -
Dev: We need a better name than “Data” for this class. It’s used for displaying a set of tiles with certain coordinates so maybe TileMap would be a bit more declarative?
Manager: No I don’t like that. Data is perfectly fine, this class is for managing data so it’s perfectly declarative you just need to get better at reading code. If you have to change it then DataObject or DataObjectClass might be a bit more specific.
Dev: …15 -
Manager: I just created a new ticket! The website flashes when you reload it!
Dev: Yes, that's typically what happens when you reload a website.
Manager: ...
Dev: ...5 -
Manager: We should do X with the database
Dev: That will cause issue Y
Manager: But I read an article that said that issue Y wasn’t a problem
Dev: It did?
Manager: Well it didn’t mention issue Y
Dev: …2 -
Absolute asshat level clownly clownshipness:
Manager: Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.
Manager: Hmmmmm ok... what about this? Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: ...Because you defined the feature like this.
Manager: Hmmmmm ok... and then this thing here? Why is this like this? 🤡
fullStackClown: Well, I hate to tell you, but it's a huge surprise. Guess what?! BECAUSE YOU DEFINED THE FEATURE LIKE THIS!!!
Manager: ... 🤡
fullStackClown: Any other absolute asinine questions to ask me to continue breaking me from flow?
Manager: ... 🤡
fullStackClown: ...
To those interested, I believe there is an evolution of my devRant career in order... I'm passing the clown phase... and entering the full-on circus phase...9 -
Manager: Hey Dev I need to do QA on this PR.
Dev: That PR is not finished yet
Manager: Well do QA now anyway, that way when it is finished it can be merged in right away since QA has already been done on it. It’s a project management technique called “fast-tracking” and it improves efficiency.
Dev: …9 -
Manager: How’s the progress coming along?
Dev: The section of code I’m working with is one of the more difficult ones so it’s a little slow
Manager: Ok well I didn’t write that section of the code
Dev: I’m not saying you did I’m just giving you the status update that you asked for
Manager: Ok well I can’t really do anything about that so how about you tell me something I can do something about instead of just complaining about code THAT I DIDN’T EVEN WRITE!! *Marks self as offline*
Dev: …10 -
Manager: I don’t understand! How come you take twice as long to do tickets as anyone else but your PRs are stuck in QA for half the time as anyone else??
Dev: …8 -
Manager: "We can't have new releases breaking older versions of the mobile app!!!!! We'll lose all our customers!!!!"
fullStackChris: "That's fine, we can do API versioning, but it will take some time to implement, I'll have to be quite careful and write some tests to implement it. Probably 2-3 weeks..."
Manager: "NO WAY, THAT TIME ESTIMATE IS WAY TOO LONG, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!!!"
fullStackChris: "So how do you wanna support multiple versions of the app without doing any sort of versioning?"
Manager: "...we'll think of something!"
Dev: "..."
And with 99% certainty, I expect to hear this in a week or two:
Manager: "fullStackChris, we'd like to introduce you to the highly technical concept, API versioning. It's a way to version the API so we can support multiple versions of the application our customers use! It's amazing! Please implement this immediately so we can support multiple versions of the application!"
Sigh... each day managers learn a bit more how physical reality works... you can't have your cake and eat it too.7 -
Manager: We will be building a new app. THIS TIME EVERYTHING MUST BE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT, ANYTHING LESS THAN TOP QUALITY WORK WILL BE REJECTED!!
*Not even 2 days into the new project*
Manager: Ok that’s good enough, we can fix it later. Can you go quicker on the next feature? Just sacrifice a bit of quality so we get these tickets closed as fast as possible. I said we can fix it later. Getting tickets closed asap is top priority.
Dev: …3 -
So one year ago I was working at this company from the US, me being in Europe, which automatically implies there is several hours of timezone difference.
The eng. manager decided we would have a release tomorrow (decision was made one month earlier), and stuff was being prepped up to make that happen.
In the US the workday was about lunch time and in EU it was one hour before finishing. The manager gets us in a meeting and asks me and another dude to do some testing that would take several hours to do. This testing could have been done several days or weeks earlier.
40 minutes after that meeting I get a private message from the PM asking for the status of the test...
Me: aaa.. well I started it and will continue tomorrow
Manager: wait what? we have launch tomorrow, this testing has to be done by tomorrow
Me: it's the end of the workday here, I got personal errands that I have to attend to
Manager: uhm ok ... I see...
I was just messaging something in the public chat right before calling it a day and the manager writes "thanks for the input, your day is over now", completely out of context to the conversation I was having with whomever.
There was no question of "can you stay extra hours and do this?", there was no "hey, I know your day is over we will pay you premium hours with this amount as according to our contract, could you do this now as we have release tomorrow?" ..no ..just .. "do it!". I automatically assumed that ..hey, maybe he wants to do this during and after the live launch (and yes I do admit my mistake of not asking just to be clear, but I assumed the manager knows that there is a timezone difference ..like it's a no brainer).
I can not tell you the heat sensation I had after that last reply from the manager ... it was completely uncalled for, and unreasonable.
I mean why not make a pre-launch phase where you put stuff on the staging server, and perform all the necessary tests and then when you get all the green lights from testing you then proceed with the actual deploy? ...no ... mention this like right at the end of the day before the launch....
And another thing that scratched my neuronal cortex is, how does he know exactly how long the tests would take?12 -
colleague in a planning meeting: so now it's Easter, which in Germany is public holidays on friday and monday
PM: i as a manager would find it great if there weren't any public holidays
yeah not surprised, but thank fuck you're not the one to decide that... some people are trying to have a life^^12 -
My previous manager always complained about the programmer that used to be there before me was utterly incompetent and unable to work.
One day checking a legacy app that needed a minor update I was looking at the code and said: “It is true the previous programmer didn’t even know how to put together 2 lines of code, this is literally the shittiest thing I have ever seen, thank God he is not around anymore!”
…
Manager: “Actually I wrote this myself”
…
…5 -
Dropbox TLS 1.0 & 1.1 is deprecated
Dev: we need to upgrade our projects
Manager: we don't have time for that. can you call to their helpdesk, so we can keep using our projects w/o upgrading?
Dev: ....
Manager: call them!
Dev: ...9 -
Manager: Here's the design for the next feature, we're ready to hand it over to the consultant
FullStackClown: Uh... okay... is it spec'd out with requirements?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Well, already look at this design and user flow, did you consider what happens when <insert edge case X here>, <insert edge case Y here>, or <insert edge case Z here>? How is the consultant going to know what to put in for business logic if you don't even know or define it yourself?
Manager: Huh?
FullStackClown: Sigh... yeah, I'm too busy right now to be a kindergarten teacher, come back in a few days once you understand how your own feature is supposed to work
Manager: ...
Dev: ...5 -
Manager: You know you really shouldn’t pay off your mortgage faster than you absolutely have to. It’s the cheapest money you’ll ever get!
Dev: I’d rather work towards being debt free. Besides my RRSP (401k) is already maxed out
Manager: RRSPs are a scam! TFSAs (Roth IRAs) are way better
Dev: My TFSA is maxed out too
Manager: 😡 You still shouldn’t pay off your mortgage!
Dev: …16 -
Manager logic: Adding "somehow" to the front of the JIRA title for the JIRA description is super clear and helpful.
Example:
Title: Chat screen doesn't work
Description: Somehow chat screen doesn't work7 -
Action takes place during demo to the stakeholders.
Manager : During the demo we will show a working prototype of new functionality. In this sprint we focused on that feature not on UX. Please do not pay attention to UI and focus on business values
*Dev starts sharing screen*
*1 sec after*
Executive : This is unacceptable. It looks gross, why you don't use default controls.
Manager : We did, this is how they look like, but please do not pay attention to UI, it is not finished
*Dev continue presenting*
*1 sec after*
Executive : I see missing comma in that sentence. It is unacceptable to show features in that state, lets move on to another team.
It was really large feature working as a charm, but they focused entirely on unpolished UI :/4 -
Manager: I want the front ends to be more dumb, too much logic is happening on the frontend.
Me: both of the sites are just multi step forms, I’m confused about the complexity part.
Manager: yea but don’t we have a bunch of third party api calls?
Me: we have 4 and they are public facing apis.
Manager: yea, make a new api and move this api calls to the backend and I want both frontend teams to send the same shape payload.
Me: but…
Manager: oh and I don’t like how the business team does the a/b testing and splitting traffic, let’s move that to the backend as well.
Me: but… that a/b testing platform they use in ran by another team and they have a full set of features for business analytics…
Manager: yea let’s just replicate those features and move them to the backend.
Me: but it’s a product!
Manager: look! You are the best backend engineer we got! I know you can do this!
Me: I lead the frontend teams…
Manager: ….
Manger: good news we are giving you a promotion with raise you are now a senior engineer.
Me: I confused but happy… I think..9 -
Appretnly for 5 devs + 1QA we need now :
A project manager
A scrum master
A VP of engeneering
Another person I don't remember title.
yep 2023 will be "productive"9 -
Dev: (Watches user print out screenshot of maintenance app to do list, walk across facility to printer. walk across facility to equipment and check things off on paper, then walk across facility back to their terminal and copy the findings over.)
Dev: We made the app responsive so they could do that on a mobile device. Why are they printing?
Manager: Printers are cheaper than getting more tablets.
Dev: …
Dev: Can we at least get a printer at each terminal so they don’t waste so much time walking across the facility?
Manager: That’s too many printers to maintain. It’s easier to just have one.
Dev: …8 -
Every day I feel like Dr. Leonard McCoy.
"I'm an automation expert, not a ..."
* DBA
* ElasticSearch administrator
* Kafka Architect
* Email marketing specialist
* SEO Analyst
* Front end developer
* Doctor
* Project manager
* Accountant8 -
Manager: Send me a MS Teams chat if you have any questions or updates, it's faster than email and you'll get quick feedback from me :) Let's get that feedback loop ROLLING!
Manager: *ignores my (multiple) requests for feedback on MS Teams for over a week.*
I just want to move my tickets into done :(5 -
You know what really grinds my gears?
When a manager writes up some bullshit "this doesn't work".
Then you waste your time following up, and they say, "oh yeah, this so and so pop up came up with validation error X".
YEAH? AND I'M SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WHEN YOU WRITE ABSOLUTELY NO STEPS TO REPRODUCE, JUST COMING TO ME WITH "HEY, X IS BROKEN" GOD JUST GET FUCKING 1% TECHNICALLY LITERATE THATS ALL I ASK FOR I'M SO SICK OF YOUR SHIT2 -
I built our slack bot messages so that they are prefixed in BIG LETTERS with whatever system they originate from, i.e.:
"DEVELOP: You are a useless product manager"
"STAGING: You are a useless product manager"
"PRODUCTION: You are a useless product manager"
One of these is when a payment is made on our platform. Our lovely product manager proceeds to message me, "did you just trigger a payment in the test system?".
YES, OBVIOUSLY I DID SEEING AS THE MESSAGE HAS THE GIANT WORD "STAGING" IN FRONT OF IT!!!
https://lmgtfy.app/?q=how+to+read1 -
Oh man, today just gets better and better...
Manager: * Creates ticket, which has a link to a shared pdf, with each page being a link to another ticket in our JIRA with unrelated bugs of what we are currently working on. *
fullStackClown: I'm closing this ticket and putting this feedback in the original ticket that I assigned to you to review days ago.
Manager: Rages like a little baby and removes my access to said shared pdf.
fullStackClown: Welp, looks like I'm done for the day! Cheers!5 -
there is another team in our company that has its site in the US. we haven't been working with them for very long, but we do have some common topics on which we work loosely together and exchange some information from time to time. i have met the guys only once in person when they visited Germany.
PM asked one of the devs of this team if he could move to another time zone, so it would be easier for us in Europe to arrange meetings with him.
move to another timezone. within the US. to the other side of the country where there's noone he knows. also, no site of ours.
only so it's easier for PM to arrange fucking meetings with him.
can you believe that? i cringed so hard when PM told me about that. (of course the guy refused, shocked pikachu)
and when he thought aloud that maybe he should ask the guy to move to Germany, i told him that the colleague wouldn't do that and that this was a terrible idea. he was really surprised and asked "hmm, you think?"
dafuq, hell yeah i think?!3 -
devRant, got a code challenge for you.
Manager calls at 18:00...
Write an algorithm that gives the optimum result!
I'll go first with my O(1) solution:
Don't answer.
I'd be interested to see whoever can beat the big O of my solution!!!!!
#moreclownwellnessthirstythursdays20 -
*phone dings*
Manager: Please share the timelines for feature X
Me: *swiping away the Teams notification* Please get a life and stop texting your engineers at 9 PM5 -
Manager: What's your time estimate on that latest ticket?
Dev: It's literally written in the "time estimate" field on the ticket, even in standard human units like "hours", "minutes", and "seconds"
Manager: ...
Dev: ...9 -
Talent Acquisition/HR: 🤪
Dev: 🤪
Technical Interviewer: 🧐
Dev: 🧐
Hiring Manager: 🤡
Dev: 🤡
This strategy has yielded some dishearteningly successful job application results this week.6 -
I was working with this "friend" in a supposedly "partnership" way. He was handling the customer getting all the info for the product and doing all the communication.
fRiEnD: So I talked with the customer, the website will be delivered on 10th of June.
Me: yOu &%@!ing WhAt?!
*he didn't ask before if it would have been possible12 -
Manager: Dev, you will submit to my leadership and surrender all common sense to agree with what I say or face consequences.
Dev: Manager, Fuck you!2 -
Manager: we should arrange regular catchups, I have several Monday morning, how about 10:30, that'd be 9:30 your time?
Me inside: dude, we both know I struggle to be up in time for the scrum at 10, do you really think I'm going to be any better at 9:30?
Me outside: How about 10:30 after scrum?
Manager: OK, that works, I have half an hour between meetings
Me: Thank fuck.4 -
> Manager gives me new ticket.
> This seems like a ticket Dingus would do.
> Remember Dingus got fired a month ago.
> Realize I’m the new Dingus.2 -
How tf do I explain my manager that I simply can't change the damn response coming from a 3rd party API without hurting his fragile ego but while also using crayons.4
-
(Micro)Manager: Just a reminder you have a meeting at 4:30 today. (note that micromanager has nothing to do with this meeting)
Dev: Thanks, I think I can read my own calendar myself I think; I'm an adult.
Manager: ...
Dev: ...2 -
Finally did the switch to Firefox and migrated my passwords to a proper password manager. Bye chrome!15
-
I'm in internship, why the fuck am I the one explaining them how to use git, Android studio????? Why am I the project manager?????? I'm supposed to learn from you not the opposite. Fuck this monkey.10
-
I was once told by a manager when I gave my notice that I was ungrateful because they allowed me to take vacations [FROM MY LEGAL VACATION DAYS].3
-
Project manager sends mass email out for the 5th time about how things are needed ASAP. We're already overloaded. Sprint planning was thrown out the window a month ago. But the email is in comic sans.2
-
(backstory -> I have 10 years of experience as a software engineer)
Me: So I would like to develop myself to become "officially" a senior engineer
Manager: sure, you basically need to show consistent behaviour
Me: ok, but what specifically? on what criteria do you determine when it is time for promotion?
Manager: there isn't anything like that defined yet, we would like to work on a definition of roles and responsibilities, but we're not there yet
Me: ok but how did you do it so far?
Manager; well as I said, you have to show consistent behaviour that characterises you as a senior.
Me: ....10 -
Web Devs - How many projects do you typically work on at once? I am currently developing 24 websites at once, most of them custom (homepage). I just feel like that is absurd and my company is absolutely insane. Not to mention I'm the front line for client communication as well, pretty much the project manager AND developer. We're a huge company too, not a start up. Just feel like not having project managers for web dev industry is unprecedented except for freelance. 😡👎🏼18
-
The push back phrase my manager uses when I try to discuss a requirement which I think is incorrect:
"It was discussed and agreed upon at the beginning b/n PM and engineering"
To hell with that, if 10 people arrive at a stupid decision, its still a stupid decision
I just sit back until the project progresses much further and wait for another senior dev whom they can't ignore to bring up the same issue.
It is supremely frustrating 😤2 -
Manager: Can you stay late as fuck today? One of our bitchiest vendors is gonna update their piece of crap and I'm pretty damn sure shit is gonna hit the fan
Dev (inner voice): no fucking way, I have kids to watch and chores to do!
Dev (outer voice): can't we just check everything in the morning?
Manager: No fucking way! If there is some fucking "challenge" when our "people" try to log onto their shit, I'm gonna look like a chump!
Let's talk silvers, I will sign on that bloody commie bullshit for your hours tonight.
Dev (outer voice): Fine. Until how late?
Dev (inner voice): Wait, I was supposed to do it without getting overtime bonus?6 -
Not biting off the head of my incompetent manager.
Genuinely took a lot of effort. Partially the reason why I have depression. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ -
Nothing pisses me off more than a manager that keeps demanding shit but when you ask for support they deny it from you. well guess what? two can play this game, bitch.2
-
Several hours ago decided to quit my job due to insane manager (more in the upcoming rants) without a new job lined up.
An hour ago I got an interview invite from Uber.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
P.S. Anyone working at Uber? Did you have to do much LeetCode? I’ve done two LC exercises in my entire life. Not sure what to expect.10 -
I manage a team of engineers.
Toxic Culture Post #2:
Manager: Everybody on your team needs their own swimlane in Jira. Each person's work should be their own lane. When I have a ticket for <Project A> I want to make sure that <Bob> always gets it, all tickets for <Project B> must go to <James>. You'll need to figure out which team member will handle <New Project C> and create their personal swim lane.
Me: That's not really how SCRUM works. Actually, that's not how teamwork works. You're creating silos and we all need to learn how to do these tasks. We're a cross-functional team, and each team member brings their own unique talents to the whole process.
Manager: So you'll create the swimlanes?
Me: No
Manager (to Bob): You'll be devoted to <Project A> from now own. It's the only work I expect you to do. All work for that project will be yours.
Likewise, my manager also reached out to each team member and assigned them specific tasks, furthering the silos.6 -
People on dating apps say they are very pissed off and frustrated when they’re ghosted.
As a developer you get eager calls from recruiters talking for hours. They say I’ll catch up with you first thing in the morning. An HR manager says I’ll get back to you in 14 hours (in 14 hours?? very precise). Even you get a contract offer from a manager who is rapidly contacts and convinces you.
Than you hear nothing, you are left on read.
“Professionals” communicate in that way. They are also getting paid whilst taking your time. What can you say to random people behind nicknames?
I don’t know what I would feel if they get back and I’m zombied. I really feel like unmatching meh.9 -
Fucking hell with the password fields.
Why in the fucking hell you can't tell me what's the max characters count? Why I have to deal with auto-truncated passwords after the fact?
Go eat exquisite shit, peasant punks, pussy cutters.3 -
We have a new manager who wrote in his bio that he is into astrology.
At least we will no longer have to answer to "How long will it take?", because it is written in the stars XD3 -
I HAVE A NEW LAPTOP!
and it now has a functioning linux 😁
I fucked it up once tho. I removed the entire network manager by uninstalling bluez. How the fuck, I don't know.9 -
analysing a database problem and writing a 4-line fix: 5 minutes.
preparing a foolproof manual for the manager on how to apply the fix: 15 minutes
writing a manager-level explanation what the fix does: 30 minutes.
explaining it to the manager: 30 minutes.
writing a _detailled_ explanation why we need the fix: 60 minutes.
explaining it to the manager again: 30 minutes.
figuring out why our progress is slow:
_priceless_5 -
Manager: How's (insert dumbass task that they assigned literally 1 hour ago) going? 😊
Dev: We have JIRA for a reason, you'll see it will be moved to demo / review when it's ready.
Manager: ...
Dev: ...2 -
Me talking with my manager for handover before I leave. Just found out, there is an interview for my position, full stack dev.
No one bother asking me or the manager for tech interview and general manager from business interview alone by herself.
Manager: Do you code?
Poor soul: Yes, I do.
Manager: You are hired!
Shit, now I want to know what they ask to tech candidate without tech ppl.6 -
Manager: (𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑘𝑒𝑡)
Title: Something something related to the dynamic display of a button on one of our screens in our UI
Description: Something something completely different related to how entities are filtered on a different screen
Dev: f*&$ing hell, do i have to give yet ANOTHER schooling in JIRA this week?!
I swear they're drunk every time they write tickets.7 -
I've just finished my last day at work... I'm switching from being a 100% PM (almost 3 years) to being a 100% backend machine!
God, how I hated that job...8 -
RETARD MASTER: So how did you feel about this sprint DEV?
*nothing is planned, new tickets added each day and old ones removed - inconsistent sprint*
DEV: Well, it’s a bit chaotic, but it’s understandable. I’m used to it. Nothing’s to blame here. Client can’t produce their end of the bargain on time.
*3 week later*
DEV MANAGER: So RETARD MASTER gave a feedback. He told me you insulted him.
DEV: Can I please die now? Not funny.12 -
Once upon a time
Performance Review, "great job", "like all your achievements so far".. signed.
Two days later, same manager, "as you can guess, you didn't pass probation. Could have done more."
"Oh more like?"
"Just, you know, more."3 -
MMMH DEVELOPER PRODUCTIVITY IS NOT THAT GREAT... YOU KNOW WHAT I'LL MAKE SURE THEY SPEND 90% OF THEIR TIME IN FUCKING CONFERENCE CALLS, THAT IS SURELY GOING TO HELP THEM GET THEIR JOB DONE
Some manager at my company, probably.2 -
it is really frustrating not to be able to actually maintain and improve the code you're working with. i'd be happy to completely dig in and live in the code and get it all - not so much fucked up - , or, totally spitballing here, do some research on how we could improve the functionality and performance in general (which is not "nice to have", but rather ongoing customer pain points), but I'm not allowed to, because management hates having maintainable code or even an adequate number of devs. it rather has me doing hippity hoppity between different projects to make sure nothing gets my full attention. -.-
the only thing i can do is to clean it up a bit during bug fixes, but even heavy polishing won't fix this giant pile of garbage that is called our code base.2 -
Dev: Writes "this feature will take some time..." (proceeds to list bullet points touching on the main modifications required)
Manager: Can you explain what you mean by "takes some time?"
Dev: ...
Manager: ...4 -
*me and my manager, during my appraisal meeting
me: *talks about work done in previous project, and the current one under him
manager: but your JIRA throughput is very less.
me: the tickets which I pick are more research oriented and almost always take more time than the other config- fix type ones, and due to me being shifted from another team, there has been an increasing learning curve, I realize that, but...
manager: look at Jack, his throughput has been consistently high.
*me, after realizing my appraisal has obviously gotten affected and this discussion will lead nowhere
me: I would like to have a chat with HR before I sign the form with the percentage increment you are offering.
*me, with hr the next day
hr: your manager tells me that your throughput has been less than satisfactory.
me: *goes on to explain about the type of tickets I have been working on, along with other enhancements done to make people's lives easier
hr: but the throughput...
me: where the f**k do I sign?2 -
Ok I'm seriously getting sick of this shit, my new manager wants us to have the fucking 12 hour night shifts from the office for .....no reason??!! for her own fucking entertainment I suppose!
I knew the day would come where my happy times at the new job would be over, my target now is stay 3 more months so I've been there for at least a year then see what happens. fuck me.4 -
just saw a tweet praising a company because of their choice to use swiss servers and they had a pompous sentance in parenthesis like (upside to banking secret culture)
like, dude, at the end of the day, guaranteed their 'server' is just a linux box somewhere, just like anywhere else in the world just STFU
god i HATE ignorance, hype, and stupid tropes that managers just automatically subscribe to with their 2 brain cell NPC brain4 -
I feel like resigning from a company that i joined 3 weeks back.
I don't like to code in PHP and the manager wants to stick on to that , no new developers joining the company and php is one of the reason. The code is a mess. Every now and then some other team come running for a change like one button to do some shit and then for a fix after 15mins of release.
So many database operations are happening manually. No innovation in the team. Developers are very boring , women being senior developers and team leads brings stability but there is no innovation , excitement or any enthusiasm. All my team members are very happy doing mediocre shit. Manager talks about agile development and they are following that at a level where every half a day some requirement changes.
I m tired of being a developer that fixes the same mediocre shit.
Its too boring.8 -
Day x stand up meeting scheduled for late evening:
Manager: so, what's up?
me: fixed two bugs, analysis going on for another, having a couple of blockers, but nothing out of the ordinary.
Day x + 1 stand up scheduled for morning:
manager: what's up?
me: *repeats pretty much the same stuff, with some updates on the analysis
manager: but this is what you told me yesterday.
me: but there haven't been any working hours between our two conversations.
manager: your efficiency is questionable.
me: *thinking about my happy place with a clenched jaw2 -
Just curious.
Has anyone ever had to face the wrath of the people they were ranting about here in devRant?
I introduced my reporting manager to this network, and I have done some amount of ranting about him.
I guess you could say 'danger' is my middle name.3 -
Monthly Update call
Me : I need 2 undivided weeks in the next 3 months to make some refactoring to our codebase, so we dont have issues in scaling.
Senior Manager (with years of tech experience almost equal to my age) :
Why would we need that, We are already hosted on AWS so we can just spin up more instances.
Me ( trying to hold the rage inside) : No it doesnt work that way, that will only hurt us more than help.
Him : What if we try with a bigger instance size. Its AWS, sure they will have a bigger instance.
Me : No, tha....
Him : (cuts me off) How about we use autoscaling and let AWS decide
Me : (Silently praying for a gun that shots across video calls.)8 -
I've just realized the very root cause of the frustration of devs everywhere!
It has everything to do with the manager's thought process:
Manager: HUR DUR, ME NO UNDERSTAND SOMETHING!!! MUST BE WRONG!!! ME CREATE BUG TICKET!!!
Dev: 🤦♂️ ...sigh...4 -
Me a month ago: "I'm done with full-time corporate work. I'm going to shift to freelance only so I can enjoy my life and not be in a grind, bowing and scraping to a manager all day."
*Recruiter finds me and offers me a full-time opportunity*
Me now: "Well, I guess I can look into it..."
Me 9 months from now: "I'm done with full-time corporate work. I'm going to shift to freelance only so I can enjoy my life and not be in a grind, bowing and scraping to a manager all day."
Repeat until dead.2 -
Product people always have something to say in a meeting 🤦♀️, regardless of beneficial or not. They just need to speak. It's like they have an urge inside to pee, and they have to let it go in a meeting. Always.3
-
To quote Charles Bukowski:
"and when nobody wakes you up in the morning, and when nobody waits for you at night, and when you can do whatever you want. what do you call it, freedom or loneliness?"
I always have tendency to fall into feeling lonely and abandoned, but these days my life is tossing some of the wildest curve balls more than ever before.
The latest one yet just happened this Monday. My manager quit and there was no knowledge transfer, and it was not on the good terms with the company.
Now I'm the only member of my team, and I have to take care of some of the projects that I've never worked on.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not setup for failure, and there are no expectations for me to know how everything works, quiet the opposite. But working with our clients and debugging the projects that I literally setting up on the fly had been a rollercoaster.
Second time in this company I will be looking for a manager in my department, and teaching them how everything works. Fun times.. fun times never change..5 -
What does PFA MOM stand for?
We're an international company, we all use English while working. That's all fine and good.
But there's one project manager that throws in really obscure acronyms that even I, a native English speaker, struggle with.
It's "please find attached minutes of meeting". Is it really that hard to type?16 -
While in a meeting with our CEO, I make mention of the fact that we now have the opportunity of being able to "repay technical debt". Before being able to go on much further with the conversation, the "dev manager" turns to me...
"Dev Manager": You're going to have to explain 'technical debt'.
Me: ... 🤦🏻♂️4 -
I am feeling little fucked up.
I talked to one of the female employees from my new company, I'll be joining next month.
She asked manager to hire a girl in the team, I know she casually asked but after knowing this, I know my interviews were surprisingly easy, I mean I know already that no one asked me to optimize anything... did the fucking hired me for diversity, pay is good, people are good, work is good but seriously if I'm getting hired for the fucking diversity my manager is going to have a good speech from me and I'll move from his team for sure.21 -
Some people get ego boost when they get positions like team lead or manager for software development team. In a nutshell you don't know shit about programming how the fuck you became tech lead? You fucked up the entire project that you managed and now shifting blame on someone else. Well fuck you!9
-
I don't know how managers are planning deadlines and counting December as a full working month!
Most companies that I worked with, count either half a month or push the deadline until the end of January when the workforce is back but not here.
Our division manager has promised the customer that the production environment will be ready on the first week of January, without even consulting the team or checking the schedule like WTF!
The person responsible for setting the infrastructure was on vacation for 2 weeks and he didn't hand over the access to production or share the progress done.
Fast forward, the manager went to slack and pinged the whole company with full caps message that the production should be done today.
Fun times :/10 -
“In 15 years, do you see X still being there? No? Then fuck it” - my manager on how to handle “important” decisions4
-
After I graduated, I found a junior job in a company where I already knew the only dev, who has been working there for 6 years. Immediately after I signed the contract, the manager told me that the other guy was leaving the company in one month... Horror!7
-
Fuck product managers.
Just the other day I was discussing our progress so far and this product manager shows us the timeline and his vision for the project.
Ngl, I haven’t seen such an ambitious fuck for so long. He doesn’t know how to do anything other than fucking spreadsheets. The only problem with his plan is that we don’t even have the team, just 2 pity devs carrying it.
I still don’t get it, why the fuck would a company with 2 devs need a product manager?1 -
Manager asked suggestions to make any changes to work culture, because of the overall productivity issue of the team. The culture was so much toxic that no one was ready to speak.2
-
Manager: Speak with PersonA about ProjectX. Get back to me with feasibility and timescales.
Me: *speaks with PersonA about ProjectX*
Me: *does a few trials for more info*
Manager: Why did you not tell me you were looking into ProjectX with PersonA?
This is 2 days apart ...5 -
My manager has explained in detail to me how to fix the problem I'm having. I know how to fix the problem. I just don't have permission on our servers to change the settings I need to.
Guess who does?2 -
Imagine your manager saying to you: "I've reviewed your salary and I think we are paying you too little, so I would like us to negotiate your raise." - and then proposing a larger sum than you were expecting.13
-
the amount of micromanagement enforced in our scrum routine is getting ridiculous... but the PM seems to be happy with this
14 -
Government re-employment resume wizard: "Enter your job title for this job experience."
Me: "Development Manager"
Wizard: "Did you mean Biofuels/Biodiesel Technology and Product Development Manager,
Training and Development Manager, or
Wind Energy Development Manager?"
Me: "Web Development Manager"
Wizard: "Website Administrator it is!"
Me: ... bruh ...7 -
Ugly(beautiful for me) fact of remote working: I asked for a highly deserved raise. Manager said I should be concerned for my job safety rather than raise. I couldn't get the raise but I increased my hourly rate in another way.
My salary didn't get a raise but my mood had.6 -
I applied as a full-stack dev at a private company, they offered me the Project Manager role instead, I took the offer and after 1yr they gave me a choice to choose between staying as a Project Manager or switching to being a Software Engineer/System Analyst. I took the SoftEng position because project management isn’t my career choice for now.
Now people saying I not knowingly chose to be demoted. Is it a bad choice?10 -
> In an online team meeting where our manager is telling us to wrap up the final bugs and get the release out as soon as possible so we can enjoy Christmas and the last week of the year stress free
> Opens LinkedIn while in the meeting since all my discussion points are done
> First post on my feed
> mfw
5 -
When my manager says you can do this whole project in 14 days its very easy,
meanwhile project and me
2 -
Manager: Oh I also forgot, we also have a red balloon... do you know if you could inflate it?
Dev (the EXPERT): ...4 -
2021 was really rough, saw friends going over the deep end with burnout, significant incidents to handle and a shitty manager to deal with.
It wasn't about blood and tears, it was about commuting 4 hours/day mid-pandemic to be present in the office and respond to an incident whilst having to deal with a bunch of heroes thinking they were part of a CSI: Cyber episode.
All of that just to be said that my raise "would be enough to keep me from looking elsewhere" as my manager said they were very happy with my performance.
This week I found out exactly how much this appreciation is worth: 2%. And I should consider myself lucky with this number as my performance wasn't good enough to grant me any raise whatsoever.
feelsreallybad.png4 -
Anyone wanting to improve OpenSSL fulltime?
Understanding of Cryptography or ability to write secure code are not required...
https://openssl.org/blog/blog/...4 -
Anyone else have that kind of manager who you ask a simple, single sentence question of, and get a ten volume essay of a response back from?
How do you deal? I'm usually a very capable, independent and initiative driven person but holy fuck.
All we need here is a:
"Hey manager, you assigned me this thing. I'm wondering what we should do about this particular edge case I've seen a few times in past roles?"
and a
"I'm not sure. Check with Steve, he should know, as his team worked on it and did x, y and z. If he doesn't know, come back to me"
and we're done.
Instead I get the entire Lord of the Rings saga written in zalgo.6 -
Once had a manager who would say things like "you're odd" and didn't have the decency, and was paid double. Some people just step on others to make themselves look 'taller'. Had to leave that negative space immediately. Got a 40% pay rise at new company. Win!
-
Serious question for anybody who has dared to understand manager-speak: Do you know what a 'Task Rewind' is? We have it in our documentation, but google gives me no help as to what the hell it could mean.
...Or should I just take my original gut feeling and classify this as yet another word for the clown dictionaries?6 -
I finally did it! I met my goal! After 6 months and a ton of interviews I finally found a new job! Good pay, good culture and actual options for career paths!
I was so sick of working were I wasn't growing or being valued. I can rant enough about what a weight off my mind this is!
Ref: https://devrant.com/rants/4792256/...3 -
Night time depression+anxiety combo is super fun!
Specially that part that tells you "check your emails" and then you find like 69 more reasons to worry.
I should just call it quits and become a middle manager. Or is it too late? 😬9 -
Okay today I wrote a very ugly api.. No f***king json mapper will handle that response in java. The values are dynamic... Good luck to anyone who will integrate into it... And good luck to anyone who will look at my code
Project manager please always give realistic deadlines2 -
IT CAN'T BE THAT HARD
1) A CONTROLLER RETURNS HTTP RESPONSES, computed using data received from
2) A SERVICE\MANAGER\YOURMOTHER, which fetches data from a DB\external service\whatever
LITERALLY 2 FUCKING STEPS. I'LL TAKE THAT "SENIOR" IN YOUR TITLE AND CHISEL IT ON YOUR FOREHEAD SO YOU'LL REMEMBER WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE WHEN YOU COMMIT THIS FUCKING GARBAGE1 -
Started new job at startup and finished all the development environment setup started development it was going smooth for one week.all the created API were working fine on the next day morning without any changes API's were giving cors error.asked my senior what must be the problem he said bypass cors and figure out the problem after trying for 1hrs i couldn't figure out what was the problem but API's were back to normal without any changes. then after sometime same day in zoom call i asked what was the problem he said show me the error but I couldn't reproduced the same cors error he then lectured me for 1 hrs and after that he said that learn to solve by your own dont come with silly mistake like this to me.
I don't know what was the problem he even refused me show to what the problem was.6 -
They did not fire me, right?
They just took over another complainy?
To reduce competition by power and then...
They give you half a years of paycheck to leave...
Is this, how we do business?
Should I accept this offer or more pls comment I devored 3 years here.15 -
That moment when you change your username because you a get a bit too paranoid of your stalker-ish manager finding you here
But i start to get why so many people want to divide their online footprint into as many instances as possible, the less is know, the less traceable you are14 -
Totally hands off. Haven’t touched code for about 2 months at least. Just concentrating on organising things and meetings.
Manager in latest monthly review : “we’d like you to be more hands off”.
How!?11 -
My manager’s manager (my superboss)..
Every time we go for a design discussion, this guy goes into his own world of inspiration, motivation, religion and damn things.. the more you think of pulling him back, the more lame jokes he starts to crack, the more you’ll bring in work related talks, the more stupid his output will be.. it is now resulting in a late delivery date, a frustrated manager, and a frustrated team. Moreover he says, he’s inspired from Elon Musk, dafuq, I mean seriously? What part of his approach on productivity you actually got inspired by? Sleep?4 -
Something that I absolutely hate about the IT industry:
When a feature is deployed the chain is like this:
Dev -> Testers -> QA -> Product Manager -> End User
But when things break in production and management wants to yell at the staff... only the devs get the heat and no one else, as if they weren't responsible for anything at all.
Really fucking hate it.7 -
Update From My now HackProof SocialMedia StarSpace :)
I now introduced themes (for now just StarPurple)
Added Votes, Tags, Mentions, Links and many many more features.
Im gonna release the App to the Playstore this or next Month! For now i created my own "manager" where people can view my apps and update/install them.
can be downloaded from the manager http://stardash.de:4000/ or directly http://stardash.de/download/... if ur interested :)
20 -
Teammate has been slacking since a week: not joining standups, not joining calls, stuff like that. Upon asking , he does give info which is needed from him, over slack. He is a pretty good engineer and has won a company award this year.
Today manager scolded him pretty harshly. No direct slangs, but very rude tone and sentences like ‘do you need special invitation to your house to join this meeting?’ , ‘If you don’t want to work, just fuck all this shit’ and things along this line for 10 mins. Basically manager lost his shit completely.
I didn’t like the way he was treated. What options does my teammate have ? We’re based out of Hyderabad, India.6 -
!Dev related but still freelance.
So.. I do 3D stuff, scenes, animation and so on. The e-sport pub manager I know told me about this guy that wanted to start a local organizations around FIFA, hold tournaments at the pub and so on. He had some finance, contacts and needed a 3D scene of a stadium to highlight top placers as 3D Fifa cards.
Gotcha, so I hooked him up with said stuff, he was happy, manager was happy, first tournament went well. Now to the shit show:
He wrote to me a couple of days later asking if I'm up for more jobs, which k respectfully declined because l was on a bigger project that took about 2months to complete. Since that day, he spammed both me and the pub manager with request and wishes on wanting to do more.. and I mean SPAM!
Like the dude can't take a no, sorry. He tried to call on phone and messenger, messeged me several times / week and asked the manager of he heard from me.
Both the manager and I were perplexed of his attitude and after asking several times to stop and we both had other things for now (events / projects).. he.. he didn't stop. So.. blocked and that's that, right? Fuck now.. other clients of mine asked me if I knew of him because he tried to contact them to get to me.. like WTF?! How hard is it to take a no and move on?! Jesus.. client of hell in a nutshell3 -
I took a job with a software company to manage their product, which was a SaaS property maintenance system for real estate, social housing, etc.
There was no charge to real estate agents to use it but maintenance contractors had to use credits to take a job, which they pre-purchased. They recharged their credit costs back to the real estate agent on their invoice).
Whether this pricing model is good or not, that's what it was. So, in I came, and one of the first things management wanted me to deal with was a long-standing problem where nobody in the company ever considered a contractor's credits could go into the negative. That is, they bought some credits once, then kept taking jobs (and getting the real estate agent to pay for the credits), and went into negative credits, never paying another cent to this software company.
So, I worked with product and sales and finance and the developers to create a series of stories to help get contractors' back into positive credits with some incentives, and most certainly preventing anyone getting negative again.
The code was all tested, all was good, and this was the whole sprint. We released it ...
... and then suddenly real estate agents were complaining reminders to inspect properties were being missed and all sorts of other date-related events were screwed up.
I couldn't understand how this happened. I spoke with the software manager and he said he added a couple of other pieces of code into the release.
In particular, the year prior someone complained a date on a report was too squished and suggested a two-digit year be used. Some atrocious software developer worked on it who, quite seriously, didn't simply change the formatting of that one report. No, he modified the code everywhere to literally store two-digit years in the database. This code sat unreleased for a year and then .... for no perceivable reason, the moron software manager decided he'd throw it into this sprint without telling me or anybody else, or without it being tested.
I told him to rollback but he said he'd already had developers fixing the problems as they came up. He seemed to be confident they'd sort it out soon.
Yet, as the day went on more and more issues arose. I spoke to him with the rest of the management team and said we need to revert the code but he said they couldn't because they hadn't been making pull requests that were exclusive to specific tickets but instead contained lots of work all in one. He didn't think they could detangle it and said the only way to fix was "play whack-a-mole" when issues came up.
I only stayed in that company for three months; there was simply way too much shit to fix and to this day I still have no idea the reasoning that went on in the head of anyone involved with that piece of code.2 -
An iterative process of "plan, do, test, improve" shouldn't leave an engineer's head. If we outsource "plan" to a manager, "test" to another blabbering idiot with a corporately purchased donut hanging off his mouth, the cycle becomes too long to actually work. Multiplied by an engineer's despair because he's obviously clever enough to see the whole picture, this is a recipe for disaster.
Throwing man-hours in there won't solve anything.5 -
Manager encounters problem, hacks a load of stuff together to "get around" the problem. Asks me to fix the issue. I spend a week tidying up what he'd hacked together, then change it so I encounter the problem.
A morning of probing later, the problem?
One of our servers is running 2 firewalls, so we were having network connection issues on just that server.2 -
Product manager: When building new features, we find we have bugs that reappear in other parts of the app where the bug was solved before. We have to find a solution to this issue.
Dev: These are called regressions, they happen all the time in software development.
Product manager: ...
Dev: Fuck outta here! Its friday!3 -
Yesterday at my career progression chat my manager told me that to showcase more seniority I would need to "stop moving the needle by myself and become a multiplier".
So in order to progress I need to change from being a sewing machine to a mathematical operator??!!?!?
Thanks, that's very fucking helpful.18 -
I have ME/CFS after Covid19. My manager says its an excuse. Can't wait for them to fire me because of my performance drop. Now I only do about 100% of my work instead of 140%.4
-
I'm such an asshole
> The demo went south because one integration wasn't working
> The PO start complaining about this and about the fact that the provider was hardcoded
> I start stressing that I have been told to do it like that by a senior and that it was unfair to blame me now
> The manager think the PO's an asshole and forget my demo went south9 -
Holly fucking crap
After my review meeting on friday last week this morning was called again by our technical manager, accounts manager and sales manager set e down
TechManager: Ok so after our meeting we deliberated with the rest of the management board
and we decided to add more responsibility to your plate
AcManager: yeah we feel that you can be of assistance to the organization
TechManager: Yeah our technical department is short stuffed and since you also do technical stuff we want you to also be taking charge of the department whilst I'm not in the office...
But we have some areas we are not happy and those areas will need to be improved on
any questions?
Me: No
(thinking: ok this is an opportunity for me to ask for a raise )1 -
I applied for an internal position within my company and spoke to the hiring manager.
She gave me extremely strong narcissistic vibes and something within me is screaming to stay the fuck away from that job.
What should I do? The opportunity is masssive with lots of learning accompanied by stress because it is a complete domain change (moving from B2B to B2C)?3 -
I can see why companies hate hiring junior devs. The ones I've worked with have been incompetent. If I was the hiring manager, the only time I'd hire a full fledged junior dev for a full stack role is if they have already built a simple full stack website. Ugh.13
-
I propose renaming the title "project manager" into "plim". Why? Well, there is an old soviet nursery rhyme:
I came up with a new word
A funny word called Plim
And I repeat it over:
Plim, Plim, Plim!
It jumps around shouting
Plim, Plim, Plim
Nobody cares about it
Plim, Plim, Plim -
Documentation for all our projects within a few hours is really impossible, thank you project manager.3
-
So this might be a very long post , but i am sure most of you can relate to it .
So , the year end . Time of joy and appraisals right?You have slogged your ass off the entire year and are expecting amazing ratings.Then boom , your piece of shit sadist manager starts of his review by saying 'there are worrysome things to discuss' after not saying shit for the entire year . I am pretty new to corporate , in fact 1 year old , still managed to handle devops for a team of 130+ , majority of whom have no work apart from playing a blame game and indulging in cheap politics. I mean , bro , I am literally your son's age , i dont see the point in playing this cheap shit with me.On top of that this sadist and borderline piece of shit manager has the audacity to say that I did not raise any blockers , while I have CCed him in every fucking mail possible.How big of an a****** can you be bro?
I counter his points for 40 45 mins straight ,leaving him stuck without words for solid 10 to 15 seconds many times during the 'review meet'. This guy is in the same place working on the same shit code , which 90% of this community can't even think of. Every thing is bloody manual and apparently ' I should have tried to streamline the entire f**** process' . Cool bro , why not open a startup while I am at it ?
Then this piece of poop gives me a rating which is just above the inconsistent performer bracket :) .
I just dont get the points what do these people get by giving shit ratings and not even having valid points to back up their fuck all arguments.This guy , throughout the duration of the call did not say 1 (bloody 1 ) good thing about my efforts. Past context is majority of the smart people who were literally running their pods single handedly , were under him and were fed up with not getting hikes and appraisals.Apart from me ,everyone resigned and left with hikes as high as 50% (LOL right).
But I have a year of experience and its really difficult to perform well in 4 rounds of bs compititive coding rounds, after which I get the generic ' oh you did well bro but we are moving on with other candidates' (FFS) .
I pray that even my worst enemies don't get such managers and I hope he rots in hell.
Amen and sorry for the cussing :) -
Always, always, with every estimate in time or resources you or your pm/manager/whatever thinks to need. Multiply that number by pi.
That's a more real-world estimate.8 -
Does anyone genuinely have manager(s) who give a shit about your career and growth and not simply the status of your JIRA ? :)
Would love to hear your thoughts :)6 -
When my manager, blatantly miscommunicated several things to me a couple of years ago, and scapegoated me by saying a comment I NEVER once heard said about me, in any context ever, "you communicate badly-- you need to communicate better", I took it seriously.
Fast forward, two years later. I'm doing wonderful at my job, yet I cannot get over that incident. I thought about it some more. Why did she say that to me? Why did she address it to me after her mistake? Why was she not aware of the real reason I missed the meeting?
Out of all useful bits of knowledge I gathered over the years, it's kinda comical that psychology came in the most handy at the workplace. There's very little to be gained from trying to psychoanalyze strangers, friends, and family... but it's almost saved my life at the job.
You see, if I attack an approach even in the most formal tones, or even worse, defend my approach, there's nothing coming from that. The situation now becomes my situation. When I become "aware" of the truth of the situation I become able to control the situation, not just myself. That way, you're not in a fisticuff fight with your boss, and you are not left defeated by the situation. Exercising control of the situation in such a manner that they are left defeated by the situation, not by you directly, is the only way you can win as an employee.
Any other way, you'll get under-appreciated, underpaid, overworked, overlooked, etc.
So, my boss at the time, was defeated by the situation of her being a bad leader; and instead of clarifying those feelings to me or ignoring them entirely... she validated her false self using her real emotions.
You can only reverse that, by developing fake emotions, to display a real self.
They can't blame you, and when they feel self-defeated, they cannot pretend it was you who caused it (bringing it back to a sane level of reality). They might rage if they're childish but it will not cause a single hair in your body to twitch because you did not "respond to their email" or "throw someone under the bus for their convenience", the situation did, they beat themselves by attacking you while the situation came down on them.
If I had to explain I would say that the situation is controlled by creating a mirror of the employee that follows their orders perfectly. That employee won't feel defensive: they already do everything right. The employee is crafted by becoming aware of the teams impacted in the situation and their true intent and creating "the situation", "the owner".
"The owner" reflects to people from the perspective of the situation and not from your own. This way you can't make a wrong move and are not emotionally involved with yourself.
It enables you to emotionally notice others. It also makes you safe, because you have the situation-mirror that's really doing the battling. The situation-mirror eventually creates a situation where the other person starts attacking reality (the situation) instead of attacking you.
Now, it's up to you whether you want to use that as a way to cooperate with your boss to beat this new reality, or as a way to gain coherence on your reality outside of your boss. I have noticed most people tend to realize this somewhere along the line and retreat and stop fighting, and quit their jobs.
I've been doing this in a corporate environment for a couple of weeks. I have already become greatly stressed and subjugated by the company for which my company works for. 20 of them sit here every day and devalue everything. Yet.... They're completely incompetent, spoilt, lazy and worst of all, they control how the software is being created. There isn't a single person on their side responsible for their requests to make sense and work with each other. So you can imagine how much blame they need to assign to us devs. They don't know what they want but want something anyway and then they'll see if that's what they want but everything under the tightest deadline possible. They're all clients and they all escalate to the board of directors any bad word directed at them. So you can imagine the narcissism that develops in that environment.
I have made them argue with reality and self-defeat numerous times. They have now started to back off and are being more polite and courteous. They have also not escalated anything anymore. Just as I was faking "happy" while I felt intimidated by them. I have not committed a single angry act and yet they are not feeling superior anymore. The reality of the situation is that we need to make a software and if you make them battle this instead of battling you, they can't beat you.6 -
Project manager has cancelled every meeting for the last 3 months. Starts today’s meeting with “I don’t know what we are going to meet about. Does anyone have anything?” While the Product Backlog just sits there, begging to be reviewed.4
-
So, we have a chat AIs that can do some basic code regurgitation and can assemble some really basic programs.
What are the chances that business rules and best practices are actually simpler in concept? Could we create an AI that can actually replace managers?
We have heard of people automating a lot of management tasks on this platform. The next step is replacing leads/managers.13 -
Less screen time.
Stepping away to realize that maybe I'm part of the problem.
Talking to my manager about frustrations if they persist. -
Manager during daily stand- up meet: We are all going to upgrade to 20GB RAM machines by the end of this week.
Me: Noice, can open two Chrome windows now. -
Product manager keeps fucking with my Jira board, changing names of tickets that he's not even the reporter of and none of his names make any sense. I keep thinking my tickets have disappeared. He doesn't understand how Jira works and confuses the shit out of me.4
-
My favorite thing at my desk is my adult coloring book. I'm a developer/project manager hybrid so I have to deal directly with the clients AND build their sites. 🙄👎🏼 Coloring in this is very therapeutic; the sayings are hilariously vulgar.😆👌🏼
2 -
Despite all the code bugs, manager worries, colleagues' annoyances, self pity, low self esteem, constant guilt all the way, we are still alive and kicking
I guess 2022 will be nothing different but I also wish it will be super interesting and satisfying
Wish You And Your Families a Very Happy New Year 2022!1 -
Manager ran docker prune on a server that had run out of drive space. One of our internal sites/automation tools was running on said server in docker. Fortunately the only persistent info that was wiped is user/passwords, we don't even bother backing it up, but a bit of tedious admin this morning...4
-
Client has decided to buy another server because the old one is too slow
Manager: how long will it take to move our apps to the new server
Me: maybe 3-4 hours
15 hours later
Manager: why isn't it finished yet?
Me: because I have to install a lot of missing things on the new server, and I have to google a lot to find them
Me (thinking): because your 15-years old apps suck big time4 -
Worst: forced to work for 9 months on a shitty wp theme:
- colleague with no clue trying to make me do their work… check
- incompetent manager doing shit about it… check
- idiotic pipeline requiring to redeploy for every asset update… check
- micromanaging cto which for some fucking reason didn’t want to allow access to the writers, forcing the role of content editor on the devs… ducking check! Quack!!
Best: automated lots of processes in my free time, all stuff which I can reuse! -
I had a challenge this week. I had to develop a business site in less then 5 days. I’m pretty happy with the result especially since i estimated multiple weeks for a site like this.
Ofcourse the manager had to come over and complain and bitch about alignments of elements. I’m sorry dude but with this kind of abnormal time pressure you don’t have the right to complain. Period.4 -
Question for those that worked alone with a project manager, and were you covered multiple parts, frontend, backend, mobile and you basically have good friendship with the project owner/manager but the job got bored or wanted to switch jobs because you wanted to change environment.
What was the period you informed your employer/project manager in advance about your resignation and leaving? 2 weeks, a month? more? And was it enough time for the manager to find replacement? Did you leave in good terms?3 -
My manager says you shouldn't be doing archaeology work looking at old pull requests and git diffs to figure out how things work.
Are there scenarios when this is useful? How common are they in your day to day?5 -
I'm thinking on getting keypass as my password manager, since it's open source, can use csv files and works on a bunch of platforms.
Does anyone has experience with using it or can recommend, in their view, some better solutions?9 -
My Ubuntu VM just work fine for consecutive 217 days without restarting.
Need to change some config
And... I forgot the application access key... Damnit!!!
Lucky, I kept the access key in the password manager. Whew.5 -
I was honest with the COO about my current opinion about my manager, and now we wait to see if my manager has a conniption about me speaking out about them behind their back.5
-
Imagine you're in a company, one year in now. You've tried your best to amass as much knowledge of legacy services as you can (specially given no documentation) and you think you've done the best you can.
Now imagine your manager is upset that you haven't gotten as much domain knowledge as an engineer who's been in the team for five years now. Then also imagine that your manager whenever asked about specific product or tech or any knowledge on a service just keep tagging the 5 year engineer. If he ever gives an update in slack on any incident, he doesn't read what everyone has written in the channel so far, but invites the team on a call, and asks them to verbally tell him what to write as an update so as to show he actually understands it all and is showing leadership. What do you do?
Also I've read a good manager let's his team self function without any micromanaging but I feel this is literally hypocritical (lack of knowledge comparison) and useless of him to essentially making no decisions or understanding anything without pointing fingers. What would you all do about this kind of manager, or am I just inexperienced and maybe not seeing what he's actually doing and contributing. -
I’m worried my manager denies me my role shift because I’m supposedly an invaluable asset to our small team, even though the request has been approved by the higher ups already. I would totally understand, tbh, but it’d suck nonetheless.
I don’t consider myself ambitious, but I’d like to move forward, not just run in place.5 -
When I first started down the path to becoming a developer, I was a "business analyst" where I managed our departments reports and ended up migrating all the reports from daily query run in MS Access with Task manager and emailed out to all the managers including the VP of the entire business unit, I created
Views in the database and sent out the same spreadsheet with the view in excel daily since management didn't want "change". Granted this was at a large health care company in the US and didn't want to invest in a real dashboard for their reports. The only thing that was changed in the email and file was the file name with the current date. I left the company a while ago and recently applied for a similar position for the shits and gigs. Interviewed with the It manager and they're still using the same excel macro I wrote 3 years later.2 -
This guy has to be trolling. If not I fear for the future of programming. The whole article suffers from a lack of any understanding of anything.
https://chipwired.com/programming-a...
Reminds me of the post from here where a manager thought making a variable private prevents hacking.20 -
If you, as a product manager, can't give me requirements on a specific ask, how in the hell do you expect me to deliver anything? "Move thing from system A to system B" is not a fucking requirement.3
-
My best experience this year was to be the project manager of a software project and my worst experience was to work alone on this project.
-
In a performance review, my manager told we don't do micromanagent here. And later he told directly or indirectly we are observing everything. Great you just proved you have not done any micromanagent.7
-
A year since the Group Manager stepped into the position, 4 team leads have moved to other companies.
He is known to be politician/manipulative..
Guess what, Now there's a new Team Lead position and I was offered it.
It will be a step up for me, from senior engineer, and in other circumstances I would take the job in a heartbeat.
I guess it is not the time to step into leadership role.
What would you do?4 -
As an ex-manager I now realize standups are used for control.
1. It sets a time when everyone must be present (might as well read-out names like it's school)
2. You, the manager, get to have people giving "offerings" of their work for you to approve, deny or bless with your gracious interest ("can you please stay on the call? lets discuss further")8 -
When you’re interviewing for a job and the recruiter tells you the hiring manager is brand new, and
the hiring manager’s manager is also new, how do you react?
I’ve had two jobs in the last six years where basically everyone in my sphere of technical collaborators were new to the company and both times it utterly sucked, both for administrative reasons and because there was no institutional/historical knowledge I could lean on to make decent enough decisions on my work.
So now when I hear a recruiter say “oh yes John is the hiring manager, he’s been here six weeks and the Director is also new!” I’m suddenly much less interested in the position anymore.
I’m probably thinking about this too much, right?4 -
Posted like two weeks ago that my company/manager wouldn't give me a (substantial) raise even though I'm doing exceptionally.
Got two job offers since then. One is 70% more pay and gives more benefits than my current position... The other one is similar but I'd have to move country.4 -
Scratch my last post. Do not disturb is not your best friend. Turning off your Teams is. When your colleagues suffocate you with calls, meetings and chats to the point you cannot focus on your own work. Send an e-mail to your manager and shut down your teams. That’s what I did2
-
I just found another "npm install" meme in my Twitter feed. They don't seem to get old, ever.
And then I remember that Unity Package Manager is npm under the hood. I hope this is not the future of Unity packages.
https://twitter.com/ChrisArter/...1 -
Well....this shit again
This morning or technical manager calls me in his office and says he needs to discus something
sits me down and started talking about a project he needs
A school management system says he presented some demos at the client yesterday but they didn't really like options at the table
Manager: So can you get us something really quick?
Me: Well... what's the time line?
Manager: They needed this like yesterday!
Me: Aaaah....well i think i can have something by 2moro morning
Manager: Aaah! No!.... 2moro it's too late need something like fast
Me: Ok so will look for some online solutions and open source projects
Me:.....
Opens browser, opens github, download project, runs project
project isnt looking good enough
starts designing UI
Manager:
downloads a system
installes
runs
closes
reopens
meet with a "Buy to continue using system" message
calls me
Manager: this was just a demo now it needs payment what should we do
Me: I'll come up with something by 2moro1 -
Question: How to deal with an idiot product owner?
Doesn't understand the job description. Thinks he's the manager. Controlling. Loud. Annoying. -
There's a simple issue with this opensource browser extension.. actually I think I can fix that real quick and submit a pu OH WAIT!!!
I booted to Windows partition and don't have any fucking dev tools/console/package manager to install what I need!3 -
new manager: draft a runbook consisting of like ~3 lines for marking a jira ticket as duplicate and closing it
.....like.....i can do this because it's what you want and you're my boss but something about this just doesn't sit right with me /shrug3 -
My manager sent me a Desktop screen without informing me and I also didn't ask for the same. Now, he wants me to use it. And i am like, WTF 😡😡. Who the fuck told you in ur dreams to send me this shit.8
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My JIRA fanatic manager: log whatever you do during the day, even the smallest things are important. and you have all the material needed for next day's standup meet.
me, on a particular tuesday:
had lunch
peed thrice
bitched about an unreasonable bug raised by the testing team
listened to Rihanna's song Diamonds
had four mugs of coffee
, among various other things.
next day.
manager: so, ssup?
me: eh, didn't do much yesterday. was one of those down days I guess.
Guess who was asked to write "didn't do much yesterday" on all the JIRA tickets assigned to him? -
Your face when a customer's manager shares the credentials to at least five different production environment databases and third party services, in their project management platform (making them accessible to the entire organization) because they want to be a developer when they grow up.
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Imagine filling 50 files full of garbage unreadable code to build what is essentially a cron job microservice...
Oh we have a console program
then a module to pull in all the services
then a manager to manage the actual jobs
then if they fail it all cascades back up
My god, this isn't NASA.
The amount of overengineering I have seen in the past few hours is insane.
Keep It Simple, Stupid!!!2 -
I need to help out my manager to interview angular developer candidate which I don't have any experience on Angular development. I was darn nervous interviewing those people, relying on some reading on angular documentation, articles and tutorials but after few interviews. I manage to get into the momentum to conduct interview smoothly.
After two weeks of doing it, now I'm kinda understand Angular thanks to some great candidate explaining those concept clearly ( hope you get hired on the next round of interview).2 -
Hi all, how do you deal with imposter syndrome?
I just joined a new job 3 mths back and am struggling with feeling productive. I feel my manager thinks I might be incompetent as my project deliveries are getting delayed.
I was burnt out as last job and it hasn't been easy picking up domain knowledge in a new workplace esp with wfh.
Any advice on how to deal with such a situation ?3 -
I don't know if I'm projecting but I think my manager never agree with any idea I present to him. I had to bring an urgent implementation to VP for him to accept it. I feel like we, as a the team, stuck with whatever tech stack he chose, whatever he feels comfortable. No improvement, no challenge, no stat, no data; everything we do is just based on his feeling about things. He's not even 30 yet, but I feel like talking to a stubborn 60yo everytime I discuss an idea.3
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So some other dev in team changed something, and it broke the tests that I wrote. Ideally the dev should be responsible for fixing the tests too when I communicated this in the team channel my manager pinged me and asked me to fix it urgently. I'm already on PIP and wth is this? am I suppose to fix these tests too?6
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I have 2FA enabled on NPM so it would shut up about it, the recovery codes are in my password manager, right next to my secure randomly generated password.
Password authentication is fucking stupid.3 -
Seriously Vlang is so cool . But it still in beta. Started to contribute. I will start building packages for the jitsi SDK after the VPM (package manager) is ready Because I want to try something.17
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Is there a way on Android 11 to open a terminal and access a package manager like in ordinary Linux ?10
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We're using a setup with c# dotnet backend and js (React) front end... and do one in VS and the other in VS code. Any way to get one IDE to handle both properly? It's a huge pain but my manager told me that's just how they do it5
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This week, the only team members working is our Team Lead and Project Manager. While I respect what they do I can't help wondering what the heck they are being paid to work on while no one else is around.5
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Today my manager asked me to provide technical skills. I replied with 'spring boot, react...(did not mention java)'.
He replied to me saying 'you know spring boot without java?'
Am I stupid thinking he should understand that already by seeing spring boot?2 -
You know what, I’m feeling generous.
Tell me some BS your manager told you in 💵😎business guru motivational style, and I’ll give you a comeback, in the same style.
I’m somehow very good at it, so now you’ll have something to deflect this shit with 😂2 -
After a year working in an office where everyone worked part time (manager 3h, other programmers 5/6h per day) and I was the only full time employee …
… one day the manager told me: “since today is pre-holiday you can go home one hour early as we usually do”
…usually…
… after a year…
… of many pre-holiday days …
you finally felt that it was the time to inform me that I could have spent less hours in that 💩 office?
Well thanks…
[… finally I don’t feel so guilty for going home just 5 minutes after the others left the office because there was nothing to do …] -
Today was my last day of PIP project, I didn't do the work obviously. Is there any way HR will point that out and lessen my salary the month, that's all I'm worried about. I have savings but still don't want to lose a lot of money as I have to return the sign on bonus.
I just want to get relieved as soon as possible as people here are asses and I don't want to get in any mess in my last days. Has anyone has bad experience on PIP? I know the last thing that can happen is relieving which is the only thing I want.
It's a weird scary day for me. I'm studying, applying for jobs and stressed too. I didn't try to save my current job due to toxicity but I want it to fucking end. I really want to fucking slap my manager, slap his manager too.1 -
Is an art director/manager that makes designs for an existing website expected to brief the developer on how he wants his new designs to work? Or is the developer expected to innately understand what his functional desire is from the design itself?
My art director/manager claims that he shouldn't have to log into the backend to see how things relate to one another, and that his designs alone should imply what is intended.
When some design element overlaps an existing image gallery, am I expected to magically know whether this element is singular or partaining to the current image shown?
I want to know whether or not me getting mad at him for not telling me how he wants stuff to work is valid, and whether or not I should demand that he briefs me how his design relate to existing taxonomy.
Am I the bad guy?4 -
I was called on a review meeting on why the task took so much time and why my performance is going down.
I clearly stated that I was not managed well and I had lot of dependencies in presence of my reporting manager. She didn't look happy. Now I'm kind of worried that she could act weirdly as women are also emotional beings taking everything to the heart.5 -
Friday afternoon and inbox zero. Time to kick back and enjoy the weekend!
Forward Email to Trello is a life saver when it comes to managing my task list. Once a week my manager and I resort my personal Trello backlog. -
Any tips on taking more of an architect role and dev team manager? Also on becoming more business oriented?
Kinda being pushed into it by life but I'm not sure how to do it. I am checking some O'Reilly books as a starting point.1 -
They should merge my pr first, so the one who will resolve the conflict is not me. I spent 3 days and nights cleaning 60 files in the projects. 60 files! Sadly, my manager merged other pr with 2 files changes from my junior first, destroying many of my changes.5
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How is it possible my netflix password got hacked when I never used it anywhere else and it's randomly generated? I saw some weird logins with random subtitles. Google password manager told me it's in some data breach, how do I find out from where? Haveibeenpwned didn't find anything. 😐7
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I literally create a template of flutter project with state manager (provider) . Other words, I hate setting up a new project in flutter every Fking time. So I created a Cli (written in dart) app that flutter create something something and delete the main.dart and download the templates from my source from GitHub. Like a few folders and files.
Yes...I am this lazy2 -
Me: removed appsettings.development.json from git index, because every time we pull, we have to correct the files of 8 api's, just to be able to build that ducktape solution
Other devs: we can't build anymore, our appsettings.development.json are gone!!!!!
Manager: (total silence on my 'good morning') you broke our application!!!!
Me: checks 8 appsettings.development.json in
Almost everybody HAPPY3 -
I think one shouldn't be friend with their colleagues specially they are tester or manager .. Its hard to manage then.4
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Can't believe I miss my old job. Pay more here but works so much more it's crazy, and issues just never die, pages keep happening, too many clients calling our APIs and everything is spaghetti. I don't think my manager will ever promote my as it's tough to perform tbh (atleast for me).
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My project manager is killing me.
I don't mind answering questions or providing more details when needed, but if you're sending me messages every day asking for status updates when you can literally see the status of every task in the PMS I'm going to lose my mind.1 -
Is it really good OpSec to log me out of outlook every hour when the password manager lets me automatically log back in?2
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👋 to all my fellows working on saturday.
Let's spill out the real reasons. I will go first :
Working because my manager wants to justify the salary. He wants the team to work more before going to december holidays. Although this one day doesn't make any difference 😑 😑😑😑😑😑😑6 -
Flashback 👇 😉
Client: Why was the cost raised?
Product manager: We had to remove THAT rock!
Client: Removing wasn't in the plan. So, no additional cost!
2 -
I have Avira Password Manager and for 3 days now I can't access it because they send a verification code to the phone but that code was never received... FUCK YOU AVIRA5
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How many of you ever developed (Or partially) "Stockholm syndrome" with your boss / project manager?
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Imagine you are in a small BPO company and your client work hours is 2pm - 10pm. Then your BPO manager will set up a 1 hour meeting at 8am 🤣 so basically your personal time will be used for that meeting.
Good luck to your body clock 😂2 -
Last week was crazy. Major clients needed attention and we don’t have enough developers. How can someone not start to make mistakes.
Meanwhile mr manager runs off like he’s outta here and blaming us. Goddammit1 -
How do I deal with this;
Edge case hiccup on production, no errors in the available logs(very shallow logging), no access to the production server, issue unreproducable on staging and a manager that want me to fix it AFTER I already said that im kind of sailing blind and can't do much without logs or access, and already looked at it with another dev who also has no idea what is going on3 -
I'm currently in internship in a little start up, I love work, love my team, my manager IS Amazing.
BUT, I feel like I'm missing somethint, everything is messy and I don't learn a lot.
Sometimes, I doubt, is this job reallu good for, is it juste a big mistakes leading to nothing?1 -
mark point of interest i don't know how to refactor but have a work around of avoiding additional changes on
nobody has feedback or alternative solution
tech lead and manager still approved MR -
when manager recommends you use the wrong role for a job and then it loops all the way back they give you feedback when fixing it that they thought you were using the correct role1
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Effective 1:1s are perhaps the most important soft skill that no one teaches you.
The HR onboarding section for 1:1s is only chapter one. But your manager won't teach you, your skip level won't teach you, and your mentor won't teach you. At best one of them even has an effective 1:1 skill set.
90% of 1:1s become operations: What went wrong this week and what needs to happen next week. Basically a private standup.
You attend 1:1s all year and yet somehow your manager doesn't know the difficulties you overcame, what you'd like to change, or how you're pushing yourself to grow. Then you get re-orged to a new manager.
If like to meet someone with effective 1:1s *and* low job satisfaction.3 -
Couple of new colleages started last year.
Working with the new Full stack dev: Your WP site is slow? Try this new shiny CMS and just start all over!
Working with the new designer:
Can you send me the assets? Can you send me the assets? Can you also send me asset A? Can you also send me asset B?
Working with the new project manager:
So is it correct that i’m planned in for five projects today?!
Wow, some guys here have the means to travel to the future!! Cool!! I too want some of that action!