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-
A rare bug appeared. It was my duty to finish it.
SH = Manager
SH: So when do you think you can finish the task?
Me: I still have to analyze the problem. Give me a moment and I'll get back to you.
SH: Alright.
*An hour later*
SH: *Approaches my desk* Have you found the source of the problem?
Me: Not yet. Please give me some more time.
SH: Ok.
*An hour later*
SH: *the approach* You found it yet?
Me: Yes, I've found the the source of the problem, But... *explains the problem and thus concluding that it's a complicated bug*
SH: Can you finish it by tomorrow?
Me: I'll do the best I can but I am not entirely sure if I can finish it by tomorrow.
SH: OK great!
*The next day*
SH: *Le approach* Hey I have a colleague here that may be able to solve the problem, he has skills with XYZ. Ok, I will leave you two at it then. *the leave*
Helper: So can you tell me about the issue here?
Me: *explains the bug and the source of the problem*
Helper: Have you tried solution A?
Me: Yes sir, but it yields a different output... *explains what happened with solution A*
Helper: Well, that won't work. What about solution B?
Me: I've tried that, too. *Another lengthy explanation*
Helper: Welp, ok. I'll get back to you on that.
(...But he never came.)
*A few hours later*
SH: *A.P.P.R.O.A.C.H.* Hey I have this team lead from another department. I think he can help you out on this one. *L.E.A.V.E.*
Helper 2: What seems to be the problem?
Me: *Explains again with all the solutions I tried but failed*
Helper 2: Wow. That really seems to be a complicated problem.
~~
Me (In my head): -_-
~~
Helper 2: Listen, I need to get back to my team. I'll keep you posted if I happen to find a solution for your problem alright?
Me: Alright thanks.
*Towards the end of the day*
SH: *APPROACHHHH* Have you resolved the bug yet?
~~
Me (In my head): You made me spend half the FUCKING day explaining to these people who didn't even give a piece of FUCKING SHIT to contribute to the problem and you are asking me if I am done with this FUCKING BUG? FUCK YOU, YOU SON OF A -
~~
Me: No, it is not finished yet..
SH: You have to finish this because we don't have tomorrow.
~~
Me (In my head): SHDIFHWISGSIFGSISBAUDBEIQBDIWGFIEBWIDHWIQBDOSBCISBDOSHDIAGSUSVDIFBDKDJWIQKDBDIDGSUWVDIABDIXBSIDBDIDBWUWGUSVDUWVDJQBDUDVWISHDUWVFG
~~
I went home for the day.22 -
Current mood:
- Referred to manager as "Mein fuhrer" to a colleague in slack.
- Reading an email from a recruiter.13 -
!n case someone is unfamiliar with this joke ::
A man flying in a hot air balloon suddenly realizes he’s lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts to get directions, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes. You're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must work in Information Technology," says the balloonist.
"I do" replies the man. "How did you know?"
"Well," says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but It's of no use to anyone."
The man below replies, "You must work in management."
"I do," replies the balloonist, *"But how'd you know?"**
"Well", says the man, "you don’t know where you are or where you’re going, but you expect me to be able to help. You’re in the same position you were before we met, but now it’s my fault."6 -
A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, "It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I'm glad she slapped him." The Project manager is sitting there thinking, "I didn't know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn't missed him when she slapped me!" The young woman was sitting and thinking, "I'm glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!" The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, "Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!"3
-
My manager started a company and I was his first employee, he literally started it because he wanted to make use of my talent.
So one day I finished my project on Friday and took in advance Monday and Tuesday off. Went back Wednesday to find my manager angry like "you didn't finish your project, you costed us money with our client company (a big ass famous one) I am putting you on probation and you could probably get fired if you don't get yourself together" and he said that my colleague had to do my whole work that I supposedly didn't do.
So I went to the code and checked. And I found that what my colleague did was re write my code in a different structure and pretended like he did everything and did do anything.
Got passed off so I wrote an email to my manager with the commits and links to them and their builds and made sure it's well explained, and titled the email "resignation letter" with me expressing at the end how angry I am and informing about my resignation.
Later on he replied saying it was a misunderstanding and there was lack of communication and he could give me I raise.
I insisted.
One week later I got hired by the client company and suddenly I was sitting on the other side of the meeting table. And it felt so damn good.4 -
A man goes inside a pet shop and starts to move around the cages to scout the pets. He sees a monkey with a price of 5000$ and goes to the merchant to ask for details. Hey mister, the monkey…what does it know to worth that much money? Well, it knows Windows 95, 98, 2000, and also knows Word, C++, Visual Basic and last but not least, it knows how to play computer games. - Good monkey, it's worth the money. He goes and finds another monkey with a price of 10000$ and again he will ask the merchant. "What does this monkey know?" "It knows Linux, Unix, Corel and Autocad." "Nice, even I don't know those things." On a last scout run he finds another monkey just sitting there with a price 20000$. The story repeats, and he goes with a lack of confidence to ask the merchant for details. "And what does this monkey do for that ridiculous amount of money?" "I never saw her doing anything, but the other two call her Project Manager!"4
-
Me : I'm having a pretty bad headache.
Boss : Stop acting like a girl and get back to work.
Me: It's a migraine headache.
Boss: Ohh!! You know it's just in your head stop being a pussy. Don't think about the headache, and you won't feel any pain.
Me(in my head) : You fucking idiot you are partially correct it's in my head. But the pain won't stop if I stop thinking about it.
*Why the fuck does no one understand a neurological disease. If i'm not physically hurt, it doesn't mean i'm not in pain*
Fucking ignorant bastards.18 -
My manager suggested that we include a "stupid user mode" in our application.
Everyone seems to be happy with that :)8 -
Me called for a meeting by a senior manager upon my resignation.
Manager : We talked with clients about your resignation, they're devastated and visibly expressed it.
Me: Ah, I see.
Manager : What triggered your decision to quit?
Me : Am not comfortable with my immediate supervisors. I think there are idealogical differences that can't be resolved. There needs to come a big change in mindset to be open and prepare a healthy, productive work environment.
Manager : Am planning to get a new coffee machine for our floor. We're bringing in big changes! Please stay for it!
Me: Smiling (internally : Dude what? And that seals my resignation)8 -
Two types of people in this world.
Those who press Ctrl+Shift+Esc.
Those who press Ctrl+Alt+Del and click on Task Manager.19 -
Things have been a little too quiet on my side here, so its time for an exciting new series:
practiseSafeHex's new life as a manager.
Episode 1: Dealing with the new backend team
It's great to be back folks. Since our last series where we delved into the mind numbing idiocy of former colleagues, a lot has changed. I've moved to a new company and taken a step up as a Dev manager / Tech lead. Now I know what you are all thinking, sounds more dull and boring right? Well it wouldn't be a practiseSafeHex series if we weren't ...
<audience-shouting>
DEALING! ... WITH! ... IDIOTS!
</audience-shouting>
Bingo! so lets jump right in and kick us off with a good one.
So for the past few months i've been on an on-boarding / fact finding / figuring out this shit-storm, mission to understand more about what it is i'm suppose to do and how to do it. Last week, as part of this, I had the esteemed pleasure of meeting face to face with the remote backend team i've been working with. Lets rattle off a few facts to catch us all up:
- 8 hour time difference to me
- No documentation other than a non-maintained swagger doc
- Swagger is reporting errors and several of the input models are just `Type: String`
- The one model that seems accurate, has every property listed as optional, including what must be the primary key
- Properties go missing and get removed at the drop of a hat and we are never told.
- First email I sent them took 27 days to reply, my response to that hasn't been answered so far 31 days later (new record! way to go team, I knew we could do it!!!)
- I deal directly with 2 of them, the manager and the tech lead. Based on how things have gone so far, i've nick named them:
1) Ass
2) Hole
So lets look at some example of their work:
- I was trying to test the new backend, I saw no data in QA. They said it wouldn't show up until mid day their time, which is middle of the night for us. I said we need data in our timezone and I was told: a) "You don't understand how big this system is" (which is their new catch phrase) b) "Your timezone is not my concern"
- The whole org started testing 2 days later. The next day a member from each team was on a call and I was asked to give an update of how the testing was going on the mobile side. I said I was completely blocked because I can't get test data. Backend were asked to respond. They acknowledged they were aware, but that mobile don't understand how big the system is, and that the mobile team need to come up with ideas for the backend team, as to how mobile can test it. I said we can't do anything without test data, they said ... can you guess what? ... correct "you don't understand how big the system is"
- We eventually got something going and I noticed that only 1 of the 5 API changes due on their side was done. Opened tickets. 2 days later asked them for progress and was told that "new findings" always go to the bottom of the backlog, and they are busy with other things. I said these were suppose to be done days ago. They said you can't give us 2 days notice and expect everything done. I said the original ticket was opened a month a go *sends link* ......... *long silence* ...... "ok, but you don't understand how big the system is, this is a lot of work"
- We were on a call. Product was asking the backend manager (aka "Ass") a question about a slight upgrade to the new feature. While trying to talk, the tech lead (aka "Hole") kept cutting everyone off by saying loudly "but thats not in scope". The question was "is this possible in the future" and "how long would it take", coming from management and product development. Hole just kept saying "its not in scope", until he was told to be quiet by several people.
- An API was sending down JSON with a string containing a message for the user with 2 bits of data inside it. We asked for one of those pieces to also come down as a property as the string can change and we needed it client side. We got that. A few days later we found an edge case and asked for the second piece of data to be a property too. Now keep in mind, they clearly already have access to them in order to make the string. We were told "If you keep requesting changes like this, you are going to delay the release of the backend by up to 2 weeks"
Yes folks, there you have it, the most minuscule JSON modifications, can delay your release by up to 2 weeks ........ maybe I should just tell product, that they don't understand how big the app is, and claim we can't build it on our side? Seems to work for them
Thats all the time we have for today,
Tune in for more, where we'll be looking into such topics as:
- If god himself was an iOS developer ... not
- Why automate when you can spend all day doing it by hand
- Its more time-efficient to just give everything a story point of 5
- Why waste time replying to emails ... when you can do nothing instead
See you all next week,
practiseSafeHex15 -
Manager: I just think you are being too negative. Like sometimes other people have opinions too and we should hear them out before saying no.
Me: Well your opinion is the devs shouldn't be able to estimate their own tasks and you should decide on our behalf how long something should take.
You also want to decide what tech stack we use, because you followed a "Hello World" tutorial last night and it worked out for you.
Just because you got a simple webpage up and running in 2 hours doesn't mean all websites take 2 hours with the tech. Were not sitting in the corner laughing that you think its taking us 3 weeks to build this.
I'm not being negative simply because I don't agree with you. I'm not being unreasonable if I say I can do 6 weeks work in 2 weeks. And although it sounds offensive, i'm actually doing you a favour by telling you to get your head out of your ass11 -
He gave me task, and I estimated it will take 2 (120 minutes) hours...
He came after 20 minutes to check the progress... Then he came after 40 minutes... Then he call me after 70 minutes... Then he came again after 90 minutes... Then I delivered the task in the time with my resignation letter draft.8 -
Me : We have 3 guys , 850 hours of content to develop, and you want this by mid Feb...
Account Manager : Yes
Me: ... (Doing math in head)..
Account Manager : This has to happen , what do we need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN..
Me: A time machine....
- awkward silence -10 -
*deep breath*
Remain calm, don’t freak out, remain calm, don’t freak out.
*deep breath*
Ok, so my sort of new manager (had a slightly different manger-ish role on the team), has for the third time in as many months, just sent an email criticizing the dev team for our working from home-ness (which for the record has not been that bad, 2/3 or 3/3 have been in everyday for the past month)
In this same period, there has been late nights, weekends, successful releases, I’ve been invited to talk at a conference about my work (not a particularly big one, but still). Point is, everything is going well, very well in fact.
There has been no emails discussing our great work, thanking us for extra work, thanking us for picking up slack from other teams who are down a few people etc. no our major concern it seems is the “optics” of our team not being present in the open space.
Our contracts list flexible working hours, and his boss has frequently told us WFH is fine when things are too busy. But no he is complaining for us to get our hours in the office in line and make sure we are in the office more.
It’s been a particularly long and frustrating week, and I’m very tempted to inform him that if he is concerned about my chair and desk looking empty, that I can put them somewhere for him where they will always be occupied until a surgeon can remove them.
However, thanks to the deep breaths, I’ve managed to restrain myself long enough to run this past you all first and ask advice.
Please help,
Sincerely,
My sanity17 -
In our office, everyone is placed so that we have a wall behind us. Initially, there was enough room behind us so that we can walk just fine.
Everything was fine till our manager didn't start making us some random visits and standing behind us just looking at our screens and making us feel unpleasant.
So one day we moved the tables so there is almost no room behind us. And we are aligned in a row with no space between the tables. Now if the manager decided to do it again he would have to struggle his way behind us.
Few days passed by and our manager finally showed he saw what we did, didn't say anything. It was clear that he wasn't happy about it. He tried to lean himself over the monitors to take a look but that was just not so as "good" as standing behind us...
A time passed and one day when we came to work we saw the tables moved forward some 15-20cm just enough to be able to move behind. Almost immediately we pulled them back as they were before.
We moved back and forward already few times and are currently playing cat and mouse with our manager.
Noone is saying anything just the tables are moving every 2-3 days or so. Let's see who is going to give up first hahaha13 -
The download manager is coming together nicely!
The idea is simple, all the downloads are multithreaded. It saves the chunks and then merges it together at the end. So far it uses 30-40mb for the whole thing!
Next stop, add queue management and then browser integration. The source code is here: https://github.com/tahnik/qDownload.
Don't blame me if you vomit once you see the code. I am still working on it and it will be clean soon. I would love to get some suggestion for the name of the project. It is "qDownload" currently and I fucking hate it.
@Dacexi is joining tomorrow to help with the UI. It's gonna be amazing 🤘
26 -
So the remote manager who won't reply to my emails or slacks, won't invite me to meetings with product / design, won't ask for my opinion on deadline dates and won't tell me whats being said in meetings (despite repeated effort on my part to change this);
Has decided to send an angry email, cc'ing a bunch of people, about "constant deadline slippage" and poor planning on our part focusing on features that should have been de-prioritised.
ahem
*clears throat for maximum yelling rant-ability*
<rant>
I HAVE BEEN EMAILING YOU FOR FUCKING WEEKS ASKING TO TALK ABOUT THE DEADLINES YOU FUCKING COLOSSAL ASS CLOWN.
I'VE BEEN REPEATEDLY TOLD THAT THESE FEATURES ARE A MUST HAVE AFTER ASKING TO DE-PRIORITISE THEM, AND HAVE TOLD YOU THE DATES ARE NOT FEASIBLE.
ONE MORE, ONE MORE EMAIL OR BAD COMMENT AND I'M EXPENSING A TRIP OVER THERE, TO KICK YOU SQUARE IN THE NUTS AS HARD AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. I'LL HAPPILY BREAK MY FOOT OFF IF NECESSARY, YOU USELESS PIECE OF SHIT.
</rant>
... the above is work appropriate to email back to him and all the higher ups right?16 -
Real Story:
Manager: You have to add an extra section in the app to show more details.
Me: We are already showing so many unnecessary details. These changes are not required.
Manager: No !! You have to do it.
Me : Ok !!! So why can't we show it in the section where we are showing the other details. Why make a separate section for it.
Manager : No !! It won't be clearly visible to the user. Just do it.
So I added another section to show useless information that we are already showing it f**king everywhere else in the app.
So I released a new apk next day with the added features.
In meeting, our CTO goes through the app and ask manager....
" Why we have added an extra section for showing same details that we are showing everywhere else ???
Who approved this ?? This is nonsense !!! "
Here comes the fun part.
Manager : I don't know. I didn't ask for it. These changes were not there earlier.
And ask me.
"Who told you to make these changes ? "
I am like... F***k man you a***ole told me to do it even when i told you it will be nonsense.12 -
Today I told a fellow dev to join devRant, and explained it was "like Reddit, but only for developers"
Wild manager caught us and said "Uh, just what everybody wants, some geek forum. Thank god I left that world a long time ago"
Fucker...6 -
Manager : Developers are always over optimistic.
Dev : this task will take 4 days.
Manager : can't you complete it in 45 minutes? What are the complexities involved?
Dev : okay. I can. Thinks ** I'm a ninja developer** and I can complete this.
*** finishes it in 4 days***
Manager : That's what I said. Developers are always over optimistic.
Developer : -_-7 -
Welcome back to practiseSafeHex's new life as a manager.
Episode 2: Why automate when you can spend all day doing it by hand
This is a particularly special episode for me, as these problems are taking up so much of my time with non-sensical bullshit, that i'm delayed with everything else. Some badly require tooling or new products. Some are just unnecessary processes or annoyances that should not need to be handled by another human. So lets jump right in, in no particular order:
- Jira ... nuff said? not quite because somehow some blue moon, planets aligning, act of god style set of circumstances lined up to allow this team to somehow make Jira worse. On one hand we have a gigantic Jira project containing 7 separate sub teams, a million different labels / epics and 4.2 million possible assignees, all making sure the loading page takes as long as possible to open. But the new country we've added support for in the app gets a separate project. So we have product, backend, mobile, design, management etc on one, and mobile-country2 on another. This delightfully means a lot of duplication and copy pasting from one to the other, for literally no reason what so ever.
- Everything on Jira is found through a label. Every time something happens, a new one is created. So I need to check for "iOS", "Android", "iOS-country2", "Android-country2", "mobile-<feature>", "mobile-<feature>-issues", "mobile-<feature>-prod-issues", "mobile-<feature>-existing-issues" and "<project>-July31" ... why July31? Because some fucking moron decided to do a round of testing, and tag all the issues with the current date (despite the fact Jira does that anyway), which somehow still gets used from time to time because nobody pays attention to what they are doing. This means creating and modifying filters on a daily basis ... after spending time trying to figure out what its not in the first one.
- One of my favourite morning rituals I like to call "Jira dumpster diving". This involves me removing all the filters and reading all the tickets. Why would I do such a thing? oh remember the 9000 labels I mentioned earlier? right well its very likely that they actually won't use any of them ... or the wrong ones ... or assign to the wrong person, so I have to go find them and fix them. If I don't, i'll get yelled at, because clearly it's my fault.
- Moving on from Jira. As some of you might have seen in your companies, if you use things like TestFlight, HockeyApp, AppCenter, BuddyBuild etc. that when you release a new app version for testing, each version comes with an automated change-log, listing ticket numbers addressed ...... yeah we don't do that. No we use this shitty service, which is effectively an FTP server and a webpage, that only allows you to host the new versions. Sending out those emails is all manual ... distribution groups?? ... whats that?
- Moving back to Jira. Can't even automate the changelog with a script, because I can't even make sense of the tickets, in order to translate that to a script.
- Moving on from Jira. Me and one of the remote testers play this great game I like to call "tag team ticketing". It's so much fun. Right heres how to play, you'll need a QA and a PM.
*QA creates a ticket, and puts nothing of any use inside it, and assigns to the PM.
*PM fires it back asking for clarification.
*QA adds in what he feels is clarification (hes wrong) and assigns it back to the PM.
*PM sends detailed instructions, with examples as to what is needed and assigns it back.
*QA adds 1 of the 3 things required and assigns it back.
*PM assigns it back saying the one thing added is from the wrong day, and reminds him about the other 2 items.
*QA adds some random piece of unrelated info to the ticket instead, forgetting about the 3 things and assigns it back.
and you just continue doing this for the whole dev / release cycle hahaha. Oh you guys have no idea how much fun it is, seriously give it a go, you'll thank me later ... or kill yourselves, each to their own.
- Moving back to Jira. I decided to take an action of creating a new project for my team (the mobile team) and set it up the way we want and just ignore everything going on around us. Use proper automation, and a kanban board. Maybe only give product a slack bot interface that won't allow them to create a ticket without what we need etc. Spent 25 minutes looking for the "create new project" button before finding the link which says I need to open a ticket with support and wait ... 5 ... fucking ... long ... painful ... unnecessary ... business days.
... Heres hoping my head continues to not have a bullet hole in it by then.
Id love to talk more, but those filters ain't gonna fix themselves. So we'll have to leave it here for today. Tune in again for another episode soon.
And remember to always practiseSafeHex17 -
Me: doing light browsing.
CPU Fan: increases frequency like crazy.
Me: opens task manager.
Windows 10: 60% cpu usage.
Me: sort processes by cpu usage; sum does not match.
Me: closes iTunes update window.
CPU usage: drops to less than 10%.
The update had already finished and the CPU usage was 60%!!!
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, APPLE?4 -
FUCKING PROJECT MANAGERS.
FOR THE LAST TIME, YOUR ALTERNATIVE IS UNUSABLE As explained the original proposal, and in comments THAT YOU FUCKING REPLIED TO AND AGREED WITH, the thing you want to use WILL NOT WORK. WHY ARE YOU SUGGESTING IT AGAIN?
FUCK YOU, YOU HAIRY-ARSED TWERP.
Also, dfox can we please have fucking anonymous rants!10 -
Internet Download Manager costs about $24. It's not cross platform either. uGet UI looks old as fuck and shows positive in virustotal.
So I decided to do what most other devs would do in my situtation. I created my own download manager in QT 💪. It uses 16 different threads to download files and pretty much utilises all my bandwidth.24 -
Our project manager who also happens to be our web designer... (Start Up)
Project Manager: We have a go signal. Go convert this design to html and css. And make it responsive.
Me: Can you forward me the mail so I can check if it's actually approved?
Project Manager: Just do it.
Me: (After tweaking) There. It's done.
Project Manager: They want to change all the layout of the site. We're gonna do it from scratch. They didn't like the design.
Me: What? I thought your design was approved?
Project Manager: I thought so too. But i'm your PM so get back to work.
There was no mail from the client.7 -
Just started my new position and discovered that company's tasks, bugs & versions are managed in single Google Doc 😐10
-
Q: WHO THE FUCK USES EXCEL FOR PROJECT MANAGEMENT?
A: My Product Manager
Excel because she cant wrap her head around using Trello. WHAT THE FUCK!
Some people exist just to make things more difficult for everyone else. Fucking pain in the ass.
This person is one of the most incompetent one I have ever met.
I dont have enough words to express my rage right now.17 -
I love companies that only use titles like 'Analyst'. Then, they can make you work as a developer, business analyst, tester, help desk, or project manager and there's no way you can ask for a raise or promotion5
-
I look at this nowadays so often during office just that I don't quit this fucking job all because of work load and dumbass and asshole manager
4 -
Visual Studio wasn't responding and I wanted to close it via task manager ... But as I clicked the button "close task" task manager wasn't responding😭
6 -
My manager is on a roll today. 😂
So after this incident today (https://devrant.com/rants/1534734/...), he asks me to install a third party application.
Which will be detected in minutes by our huge network and security teams.
We even got a warning last time for doing it but the bugger kept pushing me.
I install an older version which is supposedly safe.
The application kept showing the 'Update now' prompt every five minutes which was fucking annoying because it distracted me while working.
I tell him about this. He says, don't update as it will install the paid/premium version.
DON'T UPDATE AS IT WILL INSTALL THE PAID VERSION?
I thought he got confused between Update and Upgrade.
I ask him again clearly and he is confident with what he said.
He even said that he or company won't pay for if I installed the premium version. He sounded like a five year old. But I was impressed with his confidence.
I called it a day and left for home. Not sure what more he has for me on plate tomorrow, but this idiot is on next level of insanity.6 -
Wife - Lets go for a dinner tonight.
Husband (HR Manager) - Ok.
Husband - Should we go to a cheaper restaurant ?
Wife - No. Let's go to Royal Palace hotel.
Husband - (silence for a minute) - Ok, See you at 7.O 'Clock.
On the way, around 6.30 pm...
Husband - Once upon a time, I had pani puri competition with my sister and she ate 30 pani-puris(Search in Google, It is the most delicious chat) and defeated me.
Wife - What's so difficult in it?
Husband - Defeating me in Pani-puri eating competition is so difficult.
Wife - I can easily beat you.
Husband - Please leave it. It's not your cup of tea.
Wife - Let us have that competition right now.
Husband - So you want to see yourself defeated?
Wife - Let's see.
They both stop at a Pani-puri stall and start eating...
After about 30 Pani-puris the husband gave up.
The wife was also full, but to defeat her husband, she ate one more and shouted, *"You lose."*
The bill was Rs 50/- and wife was back home and happy as she won the bet.
Moral of the Story...
*Main aim of a HR Manager is to satisfy employee with minimum investments. Winning attitude with less investment, ensuring strong Return On Investment!* 😃😜😀😄😆😅😂😝😎6 -
That time I had to explain the manager (who decided and committed the deadlines) what a URL was and why we need to use a server for staging the web site.
-
I fucking hate people who tell me what i should do when they obviously dont know a fucking inch of anything related to the dev world fucking idiots ruining my day with fucking retarded orders.
I AM THE DEV UR THE FUCKING MANAGER STAY AT UR FUCKING PLACE4 -
When the clients wants to talk to your manager and your manager tells him exactly the same thing you did.
-
My manager just left the company to become a independent game developer. His game is also available in steam as early access.
He just became extra cool to me.
And he is using unreal engine for it.
That made him extra cooler to me 😁3 -
Past 3 years I've been working 1pm-9pm instead of usual 8am-4pm at our company, no issues, I'm the only developer on the projects I work on, tasks delivered always on time, meetings with PM always afternoon, etc.
Few months ago company hierarchy changed and the new operative manager started to harass me about this with made up reasons (not working 8 hour or not working at all) and he doesn't care about the fact that my projects might be the only ones at the company that never missed a deadline. He even turned some of my colleagues against me.
So now I'm thinking about to quit this job and go freelance or find a remote job. Am I doing it right?8 -
When you learn your project will be launched Monday in an email sent to the whole company, just before the weekend...
I'm not even kidding. No one on our team was consulted if the app was ready or not.
There was no infrastructure in place to even deploy the app. Everything had to be done in a hurry over the weekend to deploy something half baked, thanks to that idiot project manager who told his boss everything was ready.
Two colleagues ended up doing this work over the weekend, but looking back, if I was the one having to get something deployed over the weekend, I would have just refused and come back to work as usual on Monday and watch that idiot explain why it's not live. -
That moment when you listen to your boss' lies to a client when presenting a new product/feature.
I am like: damn, this guy is a talented actor!3 -
What the PMs always say: Always be thinking of ways to improve our system.
Me: Hey this is really poorly built. We should rebuild it before moving forward.
PMs: No just use the same code we used before. It was working so we don't need to rebuild it.4 -
my supervisor creates a WhatsApp group for 20 odd members. I exit. get a call asking why. told him work and personal life should be separate. Am I wrong???12
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My worst experience is, that I was fired after the third week in a new job. I worked then for a really small company.
My supervisor didn't like me and just wanted me out.
He asked for feedback and new ideas. I provided good reviews.
I even gave the company really good ideas, didn't get any credits for it, but they have implemented them now. Never got any credit for it.
I can look back and say that my supervisor then was a douche and wanted to kill off a young guy with a bit more technical knowledge and a vision.
For me it's in the past...
Now I got a way better job at a really gigantic company, better pay, much better work with better working times, a very friendly and helpful team, which appreciate my feedback and effort.
Sometimes it needs to get worse, to have later something better.
Now I can enjoy my new job and go everyday with a smile in my face :)4 -
TL;DR Client managing their own ticket is never a good idea.
So my client got access to their own ticketing system. Now instead of going the usual route, they assign the tickets directly. Sometimes going as far as editing the tickets themselves.
But the biggest issue has been the Estimated Resolution Time. This is what happened when I asked about it.
Me: So I noticed that you started including an estimated time of completion.
Client: Yeah, it's an internal thing to help us identify when things will be done and where to focus our attention.
Me: Ok, and what is this time based on? (How do you, a non-dev, can decide how long it should take?)
Client: Oh don't worry it's just an internal thing. You won't be measured against it.
Me: (Sure) Alright, I'm just letting you know that I will be changing these as necessary.
I basically ignored the conversation after this. But the fucker still gives me absurd deadlines. Seriously, what makes managers think they know how long a development should take?3 -
Found a bug, reported it to the maintainer.
He then tells me to ignore it since no one noticed it (besides me).
I tell him i can't do it since it's just wrong and he can simply fix it.
Turns out he's just lazy as hell and got mad at me, so i go and fix it.
Next day boss is mad at me because i'm wasting time on tasks that it's not of my concern even knowing all my tasks were completed.
Not even a "thank you by the way".
What did i miss here?5 -
**Me, while working on sql based project**
Manager: Does anyone knows java! Want a sample login screen written in java.
**I'm the only one in my team to know java, thus raised my hand**
Me: It's done. Mailed you the .java file.
Manager: I can see my password
Me: I fuckn hate myself. ***Forgot to set password field as password type***
Manager: you are no different than others.
Me: Yeah..😶 **f@#& you**1 -
Lol... So I was a intern at a IT Recruitment Start Up as a IT Guy (the irony). I was given a task to upload all his clients into a database from xing. It was a fucking copy paste job... So I told him this sucks... You will not believe what he said next... "you will learn how databases work with this" WHAT THE FUCK DUDE YOURE SUCH A DENSE MOTHERFUCKER. HOW WILL ANYBODY LEARN HOW DATABASES WORK WITH COPY PASTE... YOU RETARD.3
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When you are into Dota2 trying to forget everything after stressful day and your manager messages you if you have spare 10 minutes to discuss next weeks' upcoming tasks.
Hell NO!! Let me play and chill.
5 -
!rant
For all those who dislike they way you install things on Windows and would prefer the cmd simplicity that linux provides I give you:
https://chocolatey.org/
It's "Winux" or "Lindows" from now on...😉
13 -
Manager: Hey, what you working on?
Me: cough-finding another team-cough.
Manager: I didn't catch that.
Me: Sorry my throat is acting up today, i've been bug fixing all day.
Manager: Ah great, thanks.1 -
If you work 8 hours a day sincerely, you will become a manager and work 12 hours a day
Made my day...hahahahah -
So my office manager decided to ban kitchen utensils in the office. Part of the reason was that there was too much stealing. Apparently too many mugs, knives, plates & spoons have gone missing for it to be just through loss.
I tried to reason with this office manager. I asked if we really want to create a culture of mistrust where we ban basic utilities like we’re children.
I appealed to the business logic do we really want freelancers going out to grab a coffee 10 minutes a day over a period of a year.
I tried to appeal to the digital nature of the office can we “source the solution from the office”
The other office have to bring in their own utensils but the other office has a canteen.
Essentially I feel like this was a power issue a decision was made I’m not allowed to question it.
Apparently my “behaviour” has been flagged with the CTO. 🤣🤨
I have to stir my tea with a knife unless I put stuff in my desk.
As a solution I decided to reach out to several green companies that provide disposable cutlery and kitchen where they agreed to send a sample which I put in the kitchen. I have a feeling this will be taken as hostile move in of what is: a solution.
Seriously W T actual F.6 -
Proud Windows fanboy - If something is "Not responding", try "Task manager". Then everything is cool
But you see, it's actually "Task manager" that is "Not responding"3 -
Got it in WhatsApp...😃😂😂
I am sure you will have a laugh too
A wealthy manager was driving in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass." "Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you" the manager said.
"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree".
"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was.
One of the poor fellows turned to mr. Manager and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place; the grass is almost 1 meter high!"
Lesson: Never trust managers... They will take u to any extreme to finish their job.
And there is nothing like KIND MANAGERS 😜
Dedicated to all managers and upcoming managers 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂LOL😜😡😡6 -
Took a bit of time, but yesterday I sent in my resignation letter, long and some wat detailed list of grievances against the guy running the project.
Gonna suck to leave the team, but working for that man was tantamount to torture.
He actually gave me a lecture on Monday for not forcing my team to work unesesarry over time, because he can do nothing but make changes. I was also trouble for not doing his job and not treating my team like shit, as he does. According to him, forced overtime, disrespect are just the way leadership is.8 -
So... Manager pulls us in. Meeting in 10 minutes guys. I know it's unplanned, but it's important.
Not only is it the 10th time he's interrupted my workflow, but it's almost time to go home. And I was getting some important shit done.
Anyways, come the meeting: we are going to abandon all the work we've done on our microservice platform (2yrs+ in the making) and make it a monolith. Oh, and we have to do it in 4 weeks, because a client is asking for it. Oh, and you'll probably have to do overtime.
🤦♂️ FML6 -
My PM is a glorified Q&A tester. Has never coded in his life and refuses to use jira or slack. He basically emails me a word document (because he refuses to use google docs) with all his "so-called bugs' errors. I dare you to tell me of a worse PM.1
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*working in android with manager who doesn't know android*
Me:"we need to establish different intents for x and y to get the job done"
Manager:"i dont need you deciding what I intend to do"
.... thats not what I meant by intent -
When your team's hard work receive such a mail from the client and still your Project Manager treats you like shit :|
A little back story
Me (hybrid app guy), backend (php api) guy and ui guy (html-css) worked fuckin day and night, to chase the fuckin less than 10 days deadline for this App
We hard to create the App for all 4 platforms including win mobile and blackberry (god bless UI guy and me :|) ~ 2013
Those were the coolest days of our lives , we had a super blast - working (slogging) + drinking + just having fun cursing + not giving fuck to anything and anyone + more drinking..
Cool thing is, our client was in an impression that full backend and front end TEAM is working on this App 😀
This mail still makes us laugh
"professional team" 😁😂
Unfortunately I got paid only half of the salary for next month and left the company shortly
(because official company timing was from 10:00 AM or else half day paycut and I am a night guy, I used to come at around 12:00 noon)
3 -
when a project manager asks for an effort calculation due to changed requirements, but the calculation itself takes longer than the implementation would...
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So as some of you know, I gave notice. my current company has me for 4 more days.
Why has my manager not given me someone to knowledge transfer to? Do they think I am bluffing? He even admits there is shit only I know!
Whenever I message him about it, he just ignores me. I guess if he wants me to do it later, I can in the weekends for $50 an hour? 🤔🤔8 -
A project manager is someone who believes that if he/she joins 9 pregnant women they'll have a child in 1 month1
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Anyone else experienced that the not responding apps come back to life when you're about to open Task Manager or you've opened it already? I suspect they get scared of their god.2
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So i have been working with a so called python expert my manager on a project.
He has 3 years of more experience in python than me.
The best thing is he shows up everyday with random post from stackoverflow to fix our bugs everyday.
And if the code is in python2 he says that only difference is just put () around print and it will work
🤦♂️
He earns thrice as much i do3 -
That wonderful first thing in the morning meeting where your PM who has zero coding experience wants to try to critique your already working code... 🙄"I think you forgot a semicolon here..."5
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That feeling you get when you realize that switching to a pure tiling window manager is the best thing you've done in your life since switching to boxers.
3 -
My manager asked me to have colleagues outside engineering dept test an interface for a personal project in order to get the best feedback on UI/X
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Worst Manager/Higher Up? I guess that would be me. There was this time I was so frustrated with my team, that I literally asked them to make a list of words they want to curse me with, cause we won't be going home till the work is done the right way.5
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My manager tracks progress and issues using Excel.
Asks everyone in the team to put feedback on Trello.
I can't even..... WTF1 -
I was talking with some of my co-workers about the rise of all these package managers (and one I came across for Windows), and this thought occurred in my silly head:
-
Manager : what is "looks good" in code review comment??? You have to be more detailed.
Me in next code review : It is not aesthetically pleasing, but it gets the job done. -
So first of all I'm not a dev.
I'm a software tester and my test manager is a douche, but this is not it.
Today I went to the end user place along with him to teach them how to test properly and how to manage the software test cycle in JIRA.
I did a demo and showed the users the software the dev team developed and of course there were a lot of rants about it.
Users noted down a list of things to be changed and we kept going.
By the end of the demo, my test manager started discussing the fact that I told these guys to open Bugs without test objects on Jira.
I mean, we don't have a test cycle or test cased yet but these guys found issues already, what's the point?
So here's the funny part.
He then starts telling users (which ignore testing fundaments) to create a test cycle called 'meeting of today dd/mm/yyyy" and create tests below it which were named with the names of who created them.
All of that without a logic and ignoring the fact that these tests were not tests.
I was laughing my ass off while assisting this total mess and I almost lost control.
And this is my manager.
Luckily, tomorrow is Saturday.7 -
Have been using redis for my new system and wanted to try some gui, so I stumbled on "redis desktop manager", it supports ssh tunnels, privatekeys and more, great isn't it?
BUT IT SAVES YOUR FUCKING PLAINTEXT PASSWORD AND PATH TO YOUR PRIVATE KEY IN %USER%\.rdm\connections.json
WHAT THE FUCK, fucking ask that password during connection, don't fucking save it in plaintext and give an attacker literally the path to my key, wanted to PR it, but fuck c++, probably thats why he doesnt have it, because hes just using some library, so he doesn't have to fuck with the actual implementation of it.2 -
Last day in the office. I started remembering good old memories. Felt nostalgic and doubted my new job as they were not giving rise as per my expectation.
Then, my manager comes up with his divine improvement in the good working site (not for me but for other dev).
I felt sorry for my fellow mates and started praising my new job.1 -
The company hired a Senior Project Manager (SPM) and two months in we had the following conversation:
SPM: Hey, go talk to the project stakeholders and get the requirements for the project.
Me: Uhm, isn't the PM supposed to go and gather the requirements?
SPM: I'll go check with the stakeholders. We don't have a PM :)
Me: You are the SPM... Which is the same thing?
SPM: hmmm... I'll go ask them and get back to you.
GFG, you've been here for two months, are supposed to be a senior with many years under your belt as a PM and yet know nothing about your job. You don't even know that you're a PM. -
OMFG network-manager randomizes the mac of wlan0. And it ignores me turning this "feature" off. WHAT THE HELL MAN4
-
PM wrote a really high-level requirement doc and asked me about estimates.
Me: Well, functionality-wise it will take 4-5 days provided the design is ready.
PM: Our designers are really full on schedule; Just do it! Expand your creativity. I believe in your taste of UX
Me: Listen, the implemented design will take much more time to change if we go back and forth. It's better to revise on the designer's screen.
PM: Oh don't be so modest! I trust you already. Just focus on the functionality, get it done first. For the design we'll talk about it later. Move fast and break things!
Me: ..Sigh. This is gonna end up badly.6 -
Why the fuck should I echo javascript?
Why in fucks name you do not deal with JSON responses?
Plugin devs are either lazy, or simply stupid as fuck!
Ps: Or I'm actually crazy6 -
Product manager calls me at 7 PM. "There's gonna be a slight change in the module. You can reuse lot of existing code and I'm sure it won't take much for you to finish. "
Me: Okay, let me take a look at it tomorrow morning.
The next day I saw the spec change.
One and half weeks later, I'm still doing the change.
#FML2 -
i want you to make zoom available in this bootstrap fancybox , but it should work perfectly in IE , tv, phones, bilboards , fridges, and microwaves...1
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I hate IT managers, how on earth some become ant form of manager is beyond myself.
I have a server with a hardware firewall. A client, based in the UK, with French offices is saying the server blocking their new French IP. I white-listed their IP address, still no luck.
That was a week ago.
After 4 international phone calls and nearly 30 emails I resolved the "issue".
Their so called "IT Manager" sent over the wrong IP. Instead of it starting with 46.* he sent over an IP starting 42.*, which was in fact being correctly blocked.
Suffice to say I charged the client a lot of money for the wasted time and international rate calls.
2 -
When a manager asks if you can implement a feature (their are legitimately not sure if it is even possible) and you say yes and they say, "Good, 'cause I already assured the client that we would provide it on the next release"
Like, what the actual fuck...1 -
Had annual appraisal meeting today. Been in this company for 2yrs now, after being hired outta college. It happens first after 2 years, then yearly.
I have long since known that my boss is a scumbag. My lucky college mates got assigned to great managers, leaders I must say, while I got the typical, know it all boss.
Now this racist, motherfucker, for reasons unknown to me, has mostly disliked me. But hey, the feelings mutual but I don't ever go busting his ass.
Previous employees eventually transferred locations or departments. But I stuck coz I respected some colleagues and learnt a lot from them.
Now this nutjob gave me a 2/5 rating. Says I need to improve my communication. I need to talk more. WTF you goatfucking cunt! I decide how much I wanna talk. I don't waste my time, and even if I did, I don't have any right to waste someone elses time. And talking about communication skills - BITCH! Everytime you speak something, I need like 2 mins to compile your jumbled fucking words in my mind to be able to comprehend what it is you wanted to convey. And you cunt! YOU are going to tell me I need to improve my communication. Dumbfuck I ain't no Shakespeare, but I can convey my message through.
Fucking peasant!
Hmm. The lemon tea sure is good today.5 -
I live in lines of code, broken environments, and tattered tests and you want to know how it's going...
every 30 minutes...
all day every day..
for a week.
And now I am attempting a GTA V hack to explode this Program Managers phone into his thick corporate skull.
Wish me luck
Project_Engineer >= 🍀=💩:= 🖕 -
Manager: no you can't go to that conference. It's to expensive.
Next week...
Manager: so I'm going on this conference and you need to make sure nothing goes wrong here. Bye!2 -
That moment when your project manager says to the client "That is clearly possible". After that he asks you if that is in fact possible to do, you say: "is possible with major limitations" and then he understand they screwed up but in the end the one that is screwed up is you.1
-
// PSA //
Please everybody, go to your Project/Product Manager, Product Owner or whoever thinks it is a good idea to sacrify the usability and speed of the software/product for sake of faster updates, solutions that are easier/simpler to develop and implement, or new features not even the users itself could think of. Thanks.2 -
that feeling when everything isnt responding anymore so i thought task manager could handle it..... turns out task manager is like everything else....
Task Manager (not responding) -
We are forced to work on weekends because the management and the project manager loves to kiss the ass of our clients. I was even scolded by working from home.
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
ITS NOT FUCKING FAIR THAT WE HAVE TO SUFFER AND SHOULDER THEIR INCOMPETENCE IN MANAGING THIS FUCKING PROJECT.
Damnit. God Damnit.5 -
Of course I can change someone else's code to do something totally different, understand it and all within an hour of your call... on a Sunday morning! 😠
-
The akward moment your boss asks if you finished implementing all the business rules when he didnt reply at the last hundreds of emails that you sent about specifying what are those rules!
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When your director wants a website done by next week, but makes you wait for designs from the same guy he keeps giving "high priority" assignments to....4
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Best conversation I ever had with a manager.
Pulls me off into a meeting and in the same breath tells me he values my opinion, must not argue with him and he does not want "yes" men. Lol1 -
I remember at a company that I was working as a Drupal developer, I had finished building a website (both designed and developed it) using Drupal 7. I was very satisfied with the result and the way the company was operating, I had to show it to the project manager and he would say if it was OK to show it to the boss and then I would contact the client to say that we are finished.
When I showed it to the PM, he provided some changes from his personal "I know everything" book and after I made them, we both went to the boss' office. Keep in mind that I had built the website following the clients notes and preferences (custom sliders, certain color swatches etc.) and I was on point.
So, after we entered the office, we sat and I was pumped to hear good news. But, not a minute passed since the page loaded and the boss was clearly unhappy with the result, and more specifically with the changes that the PM provided (not even my fault). When he finished talking, I tried to explain that I followed exactly what the client said and executed accordingly, without the changes that the PM had put on the table. Suddenly, the boss' face was angered and turning red(ish). He started shouting at me and saying that I was not experienced enough to know what I am saying (I was 21 years old at the time), and that they had the experience to criticize if the website was ready or not and if the client would like it, pointing out that I wasn't capable of knowing what the client needed.
I was bursting in my chest, I felt a fire burning with anger and righteousness, but I turned my face down and apologized. It SUCKED! It felt SO bad. I took the notes that he said (which changed 90% of the website's design) and after that I called the client.
I felt some kind of vengeance when the client started shouting at the PM, when he saw the website. He yelled and said that, the design that the boss chose, was not remotely close to what the client had requested.
Next day after I finished the website with the design I had provided, the boss was looking at me like a (proud) wet cat, saying 'well done' but not another word, while entering his office.
Well, at least the client was happy at the end! That's all that matters, right?4 -
This is long rant/story:
My manager conducts sync-up meetings regularly. The idea is to sync up all developers on current state of work. He does’t conduct stand-ups. He doesn't have time for it. He rather discusses on individual basis if we are blocked. The rule of the sync-up meeting is NOT to discuss any blockers or problems but simply explain each other what we are doing and how we plan next.
Sometime ago, the manager brought up and explained a new way of working in the sync-up meeting. At this point, a new developer in the team was absent due to sickness.
Today, there was a sync-up meeting and the manager started to question the new member about the newly introduced way of working. He was unaware of it and the manager never communicated this important information via email or any mode of communication available.
So, the conversation goes on as follows:
"Manager": — "Why didn’t you complete your task as per the new way of working?"
"Employee": — "Well, I've no idea. Am I supposed to do? I’ve been working as usual like any other"
"Manager": — "We have a new process and you have failed to follow it, so we’re late in delivering your work"
"Employee": — "I’ve already finished my work on time. I've raised a pull-request this morning"
"Manager": — "It doesn’t matter, it is not merged to main branch and so we can’t include your work in the release"
"Employee": — "I’ve no idea about the new process"
"Manager": — "Haven’t you asked around about what happened from previous meeting"
"Employee": — "Yes, I have. I was told which tasks were handled, but nothing about a new process"
"Manager": — "Aren’t you interested to learn it?"
"Employee": — "Why won’t I be interested? I was on a sick leave and I have no clue what happened here"
"Manager": — "What’s happened is past now, let’s not focus on it"
"Employee": — <Dumbfounded>
The Employee felt ashamed in front of everyone. He did his job but it didn’t pay off.
…. After an hour … the Employee had a talk with the Manager
"Employee": — "You shouldn’t have pointed me out in front of everyone. It made me feel real bad. You should have emailed this information if its important for the team."
"Manager": — "I have no idea what you’re talking about. When did I say so? I think you’ve a bright future in the team. You should be focusing on doing better things."
Employee goes back to work. A minute later, the Manager sends a PowerPoint screenshot of the process in the group chat.
**The Process**
It's about delivering release packages based on priorities defined by client. Each release package is a set of work items or requirements. Individual developers are assigned to work items. They are expected to deliver on planned delivery timelines in order to consider a work item into a release package.1 -
I see a lot of complaining of managers talking about blockchains, but I would like to know if someone actually had to make a blockchain system because of managers and for what purpose? It seems to be completely useless for most of the cases2
-
I started using i3 window manager and My productivity Increased to 70%. I'm sure it'll still go up as I get used to it. I feel like I own the device now!😂1
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Project Manager logic (the best kind).
PM: Here are a list of the tickets we need to address next.
Architect: Hang on, didn't X raise a number of critical bugs yesterday? They were serious, we need to fix the critical bugs first.
PM: ... but he marked them all as critical
(so that means they aren't an issue? cool, i've been doing this wrong all my life)2 -
How do you keep track of your servers? their credentials/ssh keys, opened ports, services, IP, domain etc?15
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Project manager talks like,
Its going to change the entire customer experience.
What actually changed :
Changed the icon of the button, that the customer never uses.
:D -
"Don't worry I used to be a programmer, I'm a cool project manager"
...Scariest words I've herd in a long time1 -
Made a tiny-ass code change and commited it today. Put in a proper enough commit message as well (any dev would have understood).
Not 5 minutes later, my manager calls me (I was happy that my code was being reviewed so quickly) and asks "why did you make this change?" So I started explaining it to him. End of the discussion, turns out I had to give him 2 details: "it was a customer request" and "<insert client name here>".
Why did I ever try. Rather why didn't he try. -
I was making coffee this morning when one of my managers walked up and asked me if I could make a cup for him too.
I was like sure, anything to make you happy. (Maybe you'll lessen the amount of work I have to do today 😀)
I finished making both the cups of coffee and the brought his over to his desk. He drank some and then almost spit it out. He complained about how the coffee was not dark roast it was medium roast, and he could tell the difference and I should have known that.
I was like "well if you're going to complain about how I make your coffee go make your fucking own". (I didn't say that out loud though, I probably would have been fired!)9 -
I developed an Android app that authenticates users via HTTP. Because it's an internal use app for employees only, we are in charge of unsubscribe the users that have access to the app in case they leave the company; all we have to do is update a bit column in one DB table and that's it, nothing complicated. My manager thought it was a good idea to develop an entire "front-end" website to make this task "easier", and yes, I am the one he put in charge of doing this, even though I work in the company as an Android dev, not a web dev. Making this site would be really simple and it'd only take a few hours of effort, but I find it really stupid and a waste of time coding a whole website to achieve a goal that only takes one freaking SQL sentence and no real clients using it. I don't know if, in fact, this is a stupid and useless idea, or I'm being a dick and have no reasons to blame my manager and bitch about it.4
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Gives an award winning VR idea to our 'Digital Manager'
Says it's too hard for us to do ( it wasn't ) , goes out and pitches it to another digital agency for 'Help', ( mainly coz of the freelance commission )
They go ahead with the idea and make their campaign with it.
we don't get anything. no credit, nothing.
I wonder how the hell someone become a manager with that much of stupidity.2 -
Project manager: "What is a micro service? I'm dating a girl and she mentioned it and I want to impress her."
Me: "Well, you have monolithic services which tend to serve many different functions whereas a micro service tends to serve a single function or a few related functions. They are usually easier to scale and can be optimized to be faster. Still, right tool for the job."
Project manager: "Oh nice! So I can ask her 'Hey, want to see my micro service? It's quick and scalable.'"
-face palm-
He's leaving this week. I'm going to miss him though.
Seriously though, in that context, would scalability mean you're bringing friends?4 -
Made a joke to my manager about implementing a party parrot (cultofthepartyparrot.org) puking panda as an eager egg. She promised me breakfast for a week if I actually did.
Welp... better get acquainted with Photoshop.3 -
Why are there no good file managers for Linux?
Come to think of it, why are there no good file managers that aren't Windows Explorer?
All I want is a good breadcrumb bar (editable), customizability, basic functions such as permanent delete, open folder with, etc, and built in zip reading. Is that too much to ask?
Currently I use the elementary OS one (works a bit better than the default nautilus) but it lacks a ton of basic functionality and there's pretty much no customization.
Please someone make a usable file manager for Linux. Ugh17 -
! Rant
So this project manager from a start up contacted me about a few Jobs are they are looking to get done for their app. They asked for cost and I gave them a ballpark range depending upon the type of work. Anyway, after getting a tour of their over engineered app with 128 menu items for a users to go through to get something done, I gave them the hourly rate on the "higher" side of the ballpark which was $5/hr more than lower. Guess what, next I get an email with 4 huge paragraphs, explaining how I am trying to charge them so much extra and is way over the quote. I passed myself laughing and wished him good luck with their start up... -
Working on this bug for a day. Frustrated Friday afternoon. Decided to explain to my manager and senior why I can't find a fix and while explaining it to them, I eventually figured out the problem and fixed it.
I just realized I used my manager and senior as rubber ducks. -
The team in our office was forced to have, and I'm not kidding, TWO hours long agile meetings EVERY day. That's right, only 6 hours a day for work. Crazy managers
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My new PM thinks programming is like using Excel to define times and send the price of the work hours to the clients... 😂1
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*Starts using i3*
Me: "Hmm...this should be interesting."
*Five minutes later*
Me: https://media.giphy.com/media/... -
Gave boss inside into JSON output for a system he never even sees or uses. Now he suggests changes to that JSON that aren't relevant nor possible...1
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If any of you out there are forced to develop on a Windows machine and want to make it just a little more linux like, download the chocolatey package manager. It's similar to Macs brew or linux apt, yum, pacman, zypper; but for windows.
Could make you're life just that much easier2 -
"As a Product Manager in this project I need to work with a Front-End Developer so that the front-end side of the project gets developed perfectly"
PM I ♥ you.3 -
ME: Yo Manager, we got a problem...
MANAGER: Nah dude, every problem is an opportunity!
ME: Okay fam, we got an opportunity of a DDOS attack :-)6 -
"How do I update some content in the CMS?", asked the bewildered Web Project Manager. The Developer snarled "... By clicking the content, changing the text and clicking save!"
3 -
Due to resource scarcity, my manager Bob had lent me to other manager John. I started working on John's project and now there is a hardcore dependency on me, as I have done good enough work on it. I was also taking some small work items from Bob parallely so I can be up-to-date with my own team, Later Bob calls me and says he wants me back, since my own team has lot of pending tasks. John's project is still unfinished and will take longer then ever. So far, I am dividing my time between the two teams.
My concern is if I pass on John's project, will I even get recognized for it and since John will have no one concrete to work on his project, he will later keep bugging me for help.
And I feel like I don't belong to either of the teams (I am like a step son to both my parents) 😔2 -
I'm making the communication in my company. So I have to make facebook posts to link our product.
That could be fun if only I could use memes, jokes and pop culture references. Unfortunately, our targets are seniors. So, always same format, always same sentences, always same images. I'm bored.2 -
Here to represent project managers.
Who was saying what about us?!
Talk now or forever hold your peace!4 -
So I actually prefer npm to most other package managers (with the exception of go's package handling).
Like you need to look no further than to pip's hell of package management, to start appreciating how clean npm is.
***Shots fired***6 -
ESSO Password Manager.
Prepare to cry after ESSO inputs your password in the username-field instead of the password-field the third time while your colleagues are watching...2 -
We have this guy at the company who always presents good ideas and always suggests new projects. One day he suggested a great project, our boss really liked the idea and gave me the green light to start creating it.
The guy, seeing the opportunity to promote himself, and without consulting me about the deadline, set up a meeting to present the application to the directors, and only then informed me about the deadline. At that moment I did my part, told him that it would not be possible to meet the deadline with all the requirements, something had to be withdrawn, and that's what he did, took a lot of things from the project and we went on like this.
While I was implementing the application, he was always pushing, asking me to do it faster, asking my boss to put me exclusively in his project, and things like that, the boss was always saying that there were not enough people on the team to devote someone exclusively to the project. The guy of course did not agree with that.
At the end the application, without a lot of the initial requirements, was a really mess but ready, he presented to the directors, who in turn liked a lot, and consequently asked to do all the initial requirements and some more. But now those initial requirements had to be made on top of a mess because of all the rush and adaptations.
A few months later, with the change of the board, the guy turned up being my boss, and I've prepared myself to go back to his project with exclusive dedication.
Then came the surprise, when the guy, in the boss position, realized the limitations of the team, instead of putting me to do everything he wanted in that project, he canceled the project entirely and for all the reasons that had already been said to him by the former boss.
Please, don't be like that guy!2 -
Background: I'm doing a migration from FileMaker to JavaFX
My PM asked me what was going to be the main page of the system and he gave me an ugly option, to which I answered with a dashboard example, so now he wants me to change everything so that our app looks like the one I showed him -
So my team got this new clueless "Delivery manager" who doesn't know ANYTHING ABOUT AGILE!
Her favourite timepass ? To eat development team's time asking stupid questions just to make her presence felt. And she does that by visiting each developer personally. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY !
Why can't you leave the team and let them do some actual work??😑
She would join our scrum meetings to ask questions like "what are story points again?", "How do we calculate team velocity?"
Dear miss Clueless: It's not cool to be dumb! It's cool to take up an online agile crash course if you insist to contribute.
The other day, she suggested a QA guy to "test properly" with a smirk!
I mean seriously ? Was that actually necessary to tell them? This team was working just perfect without you. How about you look before you leap?
I try being nice to her but at times it's just too much to take. -
I recently went to an office to open up a demat account
Manager: so your login and password will be sent to you and then once you login you'll be prompted to change the password
Me: *that's a good idea except that you're sending me the password which could be intercepted* ok
Manager: you'll also be asked to set a security question...
Me: *good step*
Manager: ...which you'll need to answer every time you want to login
Me: *lol what? Maybe that's good but kinda seems unnecessary. Instead you guys could have added two factor authentication* cool
Manager: after every month you'll have to change your password
Me : *nice* that's good
Manager: so what you can do change the password to something and then change it back to what it was. Also to remember it keep it something on your number or some date
Me: what? But why? If you suggest users to change it back to what it was then what is the point of making them change the password in the first place?
Manager: it's so that you don't have to remember so many different passwords
Me: but you don't even need to remember passwords, you can just use softwares like Kaspersky key manager where you can generate a password and use it. Also it's a bad practice if you suggest people who come here to open an account with such methods.
Manager: nothing happens, I'm myself doing that since past several years.
Me: *what a fucking buffoon* no, sir. Trust me that way it gets much easier to get access to your system/account. Also you shouldn't keep your passwords written down like that (there were some password written down on their whiteboard)
Manager: ....ok...so yeah you need sign on these papers and you'll be done
Me:(looking at his face...) Umm..ok4 -
Adding noip.com to the list of services that accept more passwords for signup than for logging in. Damnit how does software even get to that point. Isn't it, like, more effort to get this wrong than to get it right?
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How often have you seen a manager working as an individual contributor when things are urgent and the assigned engineer is sick!!!
Such type of managers are the rarest species that can be found on Earth.
I hope everyone gets such managers and then, all Devs gonna have a great time working in tons of interesting and feasible projects. -
So ,was interning in a MNC ( one of the top IT service company ),
So an another intern changed her code, and later the software stopped working!
She panics and her manager comes,
He comes and says "it's ohk , just take ur time and figure it out, but from next time backup ur work by sending me a copy of code in email ! "
I facepalmed, and was laughing!
Do these ppl know there something called VCS!?2 -
When you said your Project Manager that you don't have experience with something: "ok, I will tell client that you can help them with that" :/
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Give me an example of a cool thing your PM/team leader did for your dev team.
Our douche PM got sacked so i need ideas for my fellow dev team 🤓
*chuggs coffe in celebration*2 -
Me to 2 other Dev's: Guys can i get your help? This line isn't working.
Dev's check the code. Tries there own things.
Doesn't work.
Dev's: Sorry man, we tried.
Project Manager with no knowledge of programming looks at code.
Project Manager: How are you struggling for so long?(Bitches for like 5 minutes)
Me: *gives her Penance stare*
* Starts laughing loud at the thought of her
dying*
I feel better now1 -
I dont get it... I dont understand what my manager expects me to do when I am not really allowed to make design decisions, but there is no design at all! What are we doing here, manufacturing spaghetti? Today I asked my co-worker what our product should actually do exactly when its finished. He said he is not so sure either. And our manager is now on vacation so we cant ask what exactly he wants...
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I hate managing interns at my company more than half of my day goes into solving their silly issues and the rest i work on shitty small stuff. And the worst thing is they get to do all the machine learning and user behavior analysis stuff, in which i have more insight on. Being a full stack developer it sucks managing other devs. 😔5
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Holy fucking monkey nuts my boss is such a cunt, he is soo damned ignorant, for some who worked in dev for 20 years, to tell another dev that is easy, should only need to change a few keys in order to be able to completely rewrite 6 months worth of work. Poor bastard was soo pissed he finished a whole bottle of whiskey.
I made him work from home today, we not really meant too, because you know, Developer do not do work if their duck dick of a manager is not there watching, and well it makes it a lot harder for him to make rediculously, moronic requests like that over slack.
Part of me was genuinely afraid he would same something equally moronic and said dev would try and kill him, which would put the rest of the office and the awkward position if having to help. Really complicated to cover that up and then get the stories straight and iron out the alibis.1 -
My manager, while apparently trying to blast us over taking too much time to understand a product (that no one in the team knows about completely):
I don't understand why you guys don't understand the severity of it. How will you support the product if you don't even know it? There's no comments or anything also, just code! You guys should be able to grasp it!
I'm sorry, what now?
(The part about no comments is true, by the way) -
spent two weeks fixing a solution for designer who constantly changes his mind...
manager takes one look at it and says it's too complicated and proceeds to change it to something simple which completely ignores all of designers specifications...
designer no longer cares about his specifications...
I guess this means I shouldn't care about specifications...
yea right... -
And this happened today:
While on ssh session, this guy restarted network manager. According to him "his Facebook page wasn't showing him recent feeds". -
I'm just a developer. So why the heck do I have to spend whole days talking to potential bussiness partners, discussing possible deals, preparing plan for next year and organizing various coworkers (including some managers) to fulfil the other deal that I haven't helped to negotiate. If I wanted to track so many things, speak to so many people and not write a single line of code whole days, I would have became manager and would ask for different salary!2
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Why project manager use group chat to discuss an issue which is related only to one developer, meanwhile other getting messages and notifications which they have no idea and putting their attention something they have no business?
Sometime I did not read message cause I think they are not related to me then I get personal message please check group.
Now other team members are using group chat when they want to discuss something with manager.
Why you people think scope of message before send it???1 -
Upwork should build a anonymous comment section for swearing to the fucking hiring managers who wants their website to be developed for $1002
-
*manager behind my back
me working on vim
manager thinking hell he knows this s***
manager leaving, me switching to npp "this is so easy" 😂😂😂 -
YO FUCK THE GNOME DM
I WANTED A PRETTY DM WITH XFCE AS MY DESKTOP
I installed arch all the way finally <3
but seriously, why dosen't gnome dm give you the choice? i want something good looking; sddm is kinda ugly, lxdm is ugly, lightdm ain't even working, and gdm i obviously have issues with. any sughestions? does kdm still work / does it work separately? i know SLiM is deprecated. thanks in advance
With Love,
-the kid who just finally installed vanilla arch on his own and just wants a goddamn nice looking display manager that lets him choose his desktop enviro
4 -
Any suggestions on password managers?
I know I am late to the party but like some of you may also relate to, I am skeptical of trusting other software with my information. But since I have too many accounts and keeping track of different passwords is a hassle (as is generating something I'll hopefully remember) I felt like it was time for a password manager.
Open to thoughts, suggestions, experiences etc.
Ideally something privacy centric that won't datamine you or shove ads about their "other services" down your throat. My biggest fear is a compromised server or security flaw which will pretty much make everything vulnerable and open which is why I've held off so far.
Everything I have seen so far has been the result of some form of sponsorships/paid review ad/or corporate reference so as you can imagine that's an instant red flag for me. If you read all of this I thank you for your time and patience lol15 -
so one of our managers sent me an email what has to be changed in our FAQ section which runs on WP...
but then i remembered, our cleaning lady had a surgery and wasn't here for a week, maybe she will not come for another week and the kitchen is already starting to get real smelly...
so i created a user for our manager and sent him the credentials to his brand new WP editor account so he can make his changes and went to wash the dishes instead
the end.1 -
!rant
This situation, when you are working as external employee in a company that needs you to test safety-critical systems.
You wait months for "THE" (internal) test tool you have to use to implement your specified tests.
Finally , you meet with the responsible dev guy to let him setup everything.
Me: Hi, I'm here for setting up the test tool for project XY
Dev: Eh? No one (manger) ordered the tool for project XY!
Me:
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I'm so mixed about i3... On the one hand, it makes me focus a lot better on my work, on the other hand it's extremely ugly, sometimes a bit inconvenient (taking screenshots), and I don't wanna spend the time to make it look nice. Any suggestions? What window managers are you using?12
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So I just became responsible for the project which was written 5 years ago with PHP and Yii... and no composer (package manager).
Are you fucking kidding me? -
So I applied for a Cloud Architect position. The process was very intensive. Roughly 6 interviews, 2 practical assignments and a written exam. In total it took me 3 weeks to go through the screening process. I aced everything, and was told they were going to send me an offer. I received an email on the 21st of April asking me if I was still interested. I replied back immediately saying I was most def interested. The next morning I get an email back from the hiring manager, who happened to CC the client as well, saying I took too long to reply to the offer, and the job was filled. I was perplexed as to how I took too long to reply. I went through the email chain that the client also received, and saw the hiring manager changed the email headers in the reply chain from the 21st of April, to the 12th of April. So it made out that I did indeed take too long and the client went with someone else! WTF! Very unprofessional, but very little I could do.. I wasted a lot of time and energy and heartache with this!4
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Anyone tried to create your own x window manager and/or screen driver? Can't find enough useful information on the internet.6
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In our company most of the PMs do the development. Surprisingly it does with pretty well.
But this PM just asked "how to get rid of spaces in a string"...2 -
When the project manager complained about how you are late for the deadline, but the keep on adding on new requirements unrelated to the initial goal. OTL
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You've developed APIs. And they're working locally.
What's the issue in giving that to the front-end team to consume them ?? ( Said in angry raised pitch )
Somebody please let that dumbfu manager know that the codebase needs to be DEPLOYED on a server somewhere. Without that, you just can't magically build code from codebase and give it to people like code fairy !2 -
If you want to make a window manager in Angular, I don't recommend it if you need it done fast. Though possible, it has a lot of little details you must tend to for it to work properly.
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Once again, I'm late to the party, wondering how in the world I never heard of ranger before yesterday. For me, it's an absolute game changer. It beats mc, the previous only console-based file manager I've seen, handily in terms of features, flexibility, aesthetics, and ease of use.
This will easily replace finder at work, and pcmanfm at home. It's in every major repo, including debian, redhat, arch, gentoo, and suse variants, and is available through homebrew too.2 -
Our site has a feature where if a user changes some parameters in his profile, his plans on the site are updated in accordance with the change.
It took me a 2 weeks to implement a proper queue based updating mechanism.
My manager : "What's taking so long? Why not implement it in a recursive loop of all the users in the database?"
I could only stare with my mouth open. -
Ok I don't know what ticks managers off about working from home.
I live an hour away from the office and my team (i.e. The whole company) consists of 3 people, INCLUDING ME. And we all work on different projects. So what's the point of even going to the small room with cubicles AKA the office? No, there aren't really any "learning from my colleagues" crap; we work on different stacks. Plus we're all juniors. Oh yeah, haven't I mentioned that? WE HAVE NO TEAM LEAD OR EVEN SENIORS. The CEO has a tech background and he communicates with us directly and discuss the requirements etc. BUT HE LIVES IN ANOTHER FUCKING CONTINENT. So, again, what's so bad about working from home in my case? My manager doesn't like it for some reason. -
I always hate it when people publish articles about something they know nothing about, especially when all it takes is a simple search or even a glance at the man page to know what you're saying isn't true.
Some of these are not like the others...
There's a difference between desktop managers and compositors and compositor protocols. It's fine if you want to include mentions of Wayland or Compton (heck, mention Weston if you're going to mention Wayland!) in your list, but they're not window managers. You're just going to confuse people!
https://ubuntupit.com/best-20-linux... -
Manager comes to co-worker, looking like he's in a hurry for a feature to be done...
Manager: Did you finish?
Co-worker: yes
Manager: what were you working on?
Co-worker, me, everyone in that room: 🤨
I think he just grew a habit of being a rushing asshole that he doesn't even notice what he's in a rush for anymore -
Story about someone elses rant
A = coworker;
B = random guy from company, but from another office;
C = manager we like a lot, cause he has IT background;
A asked B about a problem, because B worked with the that thing. B answered I dont know. So A asked C, and told him, im asking you, because B said, he dont know. C went nuts and pulled a shitstorm on B, like who WTF do you think you are, that you cant give at least a hint to A on the problem or Cc someone who may know more about the problem.
what i wanna say is, shouldnt it be common sence if someone asks me about a problem i navigate him to a person, who knows more than me? Even if its the first day i the office, I know this is my team leader he should see the bigger picture of the problem, so ask him. But telling idk is like, go fuck your self. -
Because of the current debate I'm starting to get more into all the cyber security and privacy stuff.
So now I am searching for a password manager.
Do you have any recommendations for me?
Or maybe some additional tools I really need to use?
(Got PGP for mail, signal as my new messenger, a vpn and tor for now)4 -
Anyone else have a manager who absolutely LOVES to "derail you" and then says "sorry I don't mean to derail you but can you work on..." I swear tired of working for another person
-
Even Plop Manager won't let me boot from USB. I have no CDROM with enough space to get.... Linux mint. I am stuck with Windows. Happy holidays !1
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For the employee goals evaluation, my manager suggested to word "the higher-ups difficult to deal with on the other parts of the world" as "handling complex and challenging situations due to time zone differences"1
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Last work day before the new year and I was trying to make the manager understand that I couldn't say the max number of characters of a line because the font wasn't monospaced 😓1
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It really sucks that there isn't a de facto package/dependency manager for c++. Conan, cppan, hunter, cget, lots of projects trying to fill this gap. Yet, none seems to be mature enough -.-
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Now due to march ending is around the corner, manager will frustrate and put employee on the edge of chair and doing shitty work just because illiteracy of boss. Literally hated this part of work.
-
How many developers does it take to install a white board...
3, and 1 QA, 1 designer, 1 project manager and 3 attempts...9 -
!rant
So the other day at my company we were talking about what we were going to talk at the IT Week in my former University. I was giving some ideas and talked about what other company's talked about and what was interesting for the students to hear.
While we were in the subject my colleagues searched some of the company's I've mentioned. We discovered that one of those company's had a Happiness Manager.
That was the first time I've heard of such an occupation. Like, is this a thing? An occupation to make other coworkers happy/ensure their happiness? -
I took leave without informing my manager. He called me and told you're not in college. He is pissed what do I do?5
-
That moment when your project manager tells you he never heard of a technology, then gives you his old project to redo using that tech....
-
When you have a manager that gets the requirements for a super simple content page one month ago...
Then argues with some people about where it needs to go...
Then when it was decided two weeks ago that it needed to be a new publishing site insists on getting approval to deploy the new site even when I said hey I can have this guy set up publishing on our external server...
Gets approval anyway, now the deadline for it to be activated and working is tomorrow and because he is "a Wordpress developer" (by which he can install a theme) he thinks he knows how to fix Wordpress...
Because of the security at our company it needs to be over https and we are doing ssl offload from our publisher and Wordpress doesn't seem to like it or it is his jacked up Windows box running Wordpress? Wtf
Best of all he said "do you think we will meet the deadline". I said I don't think we have a choice, this will be used by a lot of people Saturday for a conference. OMG I was ready to scream...
Now today I need to setup a new cms on an external server and get it done by tomorrow morning, with content. FML -
Oh boy. College started back up today - and now I'm trying to do all my bspwm (Linux Window Manager) shortcuts on Windows... >.>
-
This currently project I'm working on is taking a turn for the worse. I keep finding missing features from the designs, but then also the project manager remembered that there were these other requirements that were needed. She only remembered after I raised an issue about another problem because NOTHING has been written down. A wireframe is NOT a fucking requirements document.
So now I have to refactor 2 major components just to include this sudden new requirement. I really hope I don't work with this project manager ever again on any future projects. -
Me: hey there is too many task priority level 0
Manager: there's no problem, parallelized them !
...1 -
What is the best build/dependency manager? I've used gradle before but is there anything else that anyone would recommend ?6
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trying to make a live usb disk. i took shots at random combinations from 2 usb sticks, 2 oses, different tools or technics on each os... each failed with a different outcome. then i realized i should have kept a failure matrix so that i don't try the same combinations, or can trace the roots of the problem.
each time i need to build a live disk, a part of me dies inside.6 -
Can anyone recommend a good password manager that is 'in the cloud', can be used on my mobile and makes life easy for logging into apps on my phone that aren't logged in via a browser. Ideally something free but I'm willing to pay for something that is worth it10
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When your backend developer says the client has an issue on his virtual machine but has a bad track record of being incorrect and never checking if there is a conflict in the API that is causing authentication to fail for a feature and you then step through their code only to find the conflict in the API only to have them get mad at you for finding the problem after stating it's "Not my problem." I don't have time for this shit.
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Only just got around to listing to the devRant podcast #1 this morning. DHH is a little potty mouth 🙃
Excellent content none the less! I kind of agree on DHH's stance on project managers.
On a side note, what other podcasts do you guys listen to? I quite like most of the content from jupiter broadcasting. LAS and Coder Radio specifically. -
Client: Are we getting the finished site next Monday?
Supervisor: no it should be the week after, that's the date I have on our dev schedule.
1st week into the project, we pointed out the PM messed up the project end date (he took beginning of the final week instead of the end of week) and apparently he(& CEO) didn't bother to inform the client about the mistake.
WTF PM you f-ed up every single project since joining the company -
When a manager / "architect" starts saying complete nonsense about how some technology works, because he read a bit about it on the internet, but you prefer to just let him talk than proving him wrong. Not worth my time...1
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Turns out that neglecting 590 updates on Apricity Linux may result in a broken package manager when you try let the system update.
Who knew!1 -
I'm a jnr who has worked in 2 projects. In the first the project manager was aweful. On the second the project manager was brilliant. Starting my 3rd project and this time there won't be a PM. Should I be happy?1
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My work just hired a project manager intern. With no one to work under. To be an actual project manager.
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