"Idiots are key for good QA"
- me, 2019

Me (DevOps) when we started using CI/CD

Me and my wife are expecting a son soon, given her situation i was with her to the gynecologist...
He received us but i guess he was embarrased to ask to examine her while i was there, so conversation begins:

Doctor: "So... what do you do?"
Me: "I'm a programmer"
Doctor: "So, when a customer says there is some bug you need to take a look at the code to see whats up"

So yeah... someone compared us with the gynecologist :D
I mean... fiddling with my wifes coochie is one thing, but comparing my code with vaginas is the line i can't cross :D

Sometimes i wonder how many people from here work in the same company, talk every day, and don't have a clue about it...
I mean... last person here you told to suck di** here can be your boss actually...

BOSS: i will need your resume for this new project, can you make it?
ME: sure, but don't you have one?
BOSS: yes, but i would need it changed for a new details
ME: ok...

after work...

BOSS: we have a problem, remember that resume? we need it on english, and need it right now, can you translate it at home?
ME: ok, but give me a few minutes...

sends translated resume...
BOSS: ummm, it's not translated well, you didn't translate your education...
ME: the name of the school? you can't translate that...
BOSS: this lady asked for it, so do it...
ME: ok...

sends again...
BOSS: not quite there yet, you have Ć in your last name, translate that...
ME: translate my last name?
BOSS: yeah, this lady has a spell check and saw that incorrect...
ME: .....

im going to celebrate when i leave this itterate shithole

This just came in, Rick Astley used php to generate lyrics

upwork job "Full Stack Developer with Laravel, PHP, Java Programming, Android, AWS expertise needed"... you guys forgot rocket scientist too

finally! a client that partially understands what i'm saying :D

This morning i found out how much UI/UX is important. Who the hell put "snooze" button beside "stop alarm" button?

so guys, how do you say SQL? "sequel" or "es-kyu-el"?

deployment day... let the mayhem begin!

Oh Trump you illiterate fuck! In whos interest is this shit?
What will be next? Banning USA factories like Apple from China? Nobody will profit from it but the whole world can se how big dick you have...

Is there a fucking boundary of what is artificial intelligence and what isn't? People literally shove a few conditionals in a function and call it AI...
By that criteria everything is an AI

Rest in peace old friend :(

All those mine WTF moments are somehow related with caching which i keep on forgetting... the most fresh one was last week, i had some GIGANTIC mySQL query, and for the sake of response time I immediately made a cache function that kept Redis cache for a day or so... so last week i had to change something (good ol' client and his visions for app). So there i was with the query that returned same god damned results every time, i copy the query in some mySQL manager and it goes fine, but in the app it doesn't... what the actual FUCK!!! i was questioning my career until i figured it out, i was planning to buy some sheeps and a fife and to hell with this, a loud facepalm was echoed through the office that day...

writing a whole god damn function in one single line doesn't make it "one liner" and it DOESN'T make your code better and more readable!!!

Current one, i'm too ashamed of it to share it with you guys

So friday night, kids and wife asleep, no alarm for tomorrow, spotify works (VPN does what it should do), tasks went well this week (nothing is burning, nobody is pissed off), good time to learn something new... any suggestions? PARTY HARD!!!

To all those people that have Git alliases like:
"gc" = "git clone" or "ga" = "git add"

What do you do with all that extra saved time?

I guess i have a new debug buddies at the office

I've kept training to those dumbfucks how this damn app works... Now they ask for a MANUAL, a fu****g PICTURE BOOK... INCLUDING PICTURES on how to confirm a fu*** email!!! How do you even live without brain at all?! Should i put a picture of a computer in it so these dumbfucks dont type on empty desk... JESUS!!!

Waiting for localhost....

My dads latest wisdom:
"Back in the days there were two types of people that whisper to themselves while walking down the street:
1. people that are building a house,
2. crazy people"
** looks at me ***
"... and in the recent times programmers are special category"

Anybody: so where do you work?
Me after a pause: i milk cows at local farm...

(too hard to explain afterwards, also avoid "fix my computer, phone, printer..." and "lets make a bitcoin mining app")

quite interesting chart came out... 0.0

fprintf()

Happiness is:
1. Successfull pipeline in first try
2. ?

"This site uses cookies" is the most useless thing ever... Who fucking cares if it does. What is next? We should put explanation how DNS server or apache works?

So i need about a half a yearly budget of some smaller EU state to try out everything on AWS, a fu***g satellite ground station for example... I don't know why should i do with it but i need it

So today i went to another town for a car service, and by accident i met a very old man looking at the cars in the saloon, he was very calm person, in conversation he said he was system analyst and a COBOL developer in a big industry... but what got me the most he said he survided FOUR heart attacks... i don't know if that was a common practice for COBOL developers but i do php most of the time... so... i just wanted to say hello guys... and delete my browser history if i'm not around for some time :)