Current one, i'm too ashamed of it to share it with you guys

So friday night, kids and wife asleep, no alarm for tomorrow, spotify works (VPN does what it should do), tasks went well this week (nothing is burning, nobody is pissed off), good time to learn something new... any suggestions? PARTY HARD!!!

To all those people that have Git alliases like:
"gc" = "git clone" or "ga" = "git add"

What do you do with all that extra saved time?

I guess i have a new debug buddies at the office

I've kept training to those dumbfucks how this damn app works... Now they ask for a MANUAL, a fu****g PICTURE BOOK... INCLUDING PICTURES on how to confirm a fu*** email!!! How do you even live without brain at all?! Should i put a picture of a computer in it so these dumbfucks dont type on empty desk... JESUS!!!

Waiting for localhost....

My dads latest wisdom:
"Back in the days there were two types of people that whisper to themselves while walking down the street:
1. people that are building a house,
2. crazy people"
** looks at me ***
"... and in the recent times programmers are special category"

Anybody: so where do you work?
Me after a pause: i milk cows at local farm...

(too hard to explain afterwards, also avoid "fix my computer, phone, printer..." and "lets make a bitcoin mining app")

quite interesting chart came out... 0.0

fprintf()

Happiness is:
1. Successfull pipeline in first try
2. ?

"This site uses cookies" is the most useless thing ever... Who fucking cares if it does. What is next? We should put explanation how DNS server or apache works?

So i need about a half a yearly budget of some smaller EU state to try out everything on AWS, a fu***g satellite ground station for example... I don't know why should i do with it but i need it

So today i went to another town for a car service, and by accident i met a very old man looking at the cars in the saloon, he was very calm person, in conversation he said he was system analyst and a COBOL developer in a big industry... but what got me the most he said he survided FOUR heart attacks... i don't know if that was a common practice for COBOL developers but i do php most of the time... so... i just wanted to say hello guys... and delete my browser history if i'm not around for some time :)

random find :)

"I'm sorry my dear new client but i was having a deep conversation with my rubber duck, I'll be right there with you"

So, a spaghetti legacy code, written by some dude that obviously hates his job, needs update and we argue about spaces vs tabs....

GF: Did you watch a movie while you were sleeping?
ME: (Syntax Error): How could i watch a movie while sleeping?
GF: No, the name of the movie is "while you were sleeping"
ME: oh, you forgot quotes for string

Client: "Can you make this output PDF responsive?"

I'm done...

In the 90s i was in elementary school, my biggest question was "when you unplug a computer how it knows what time it is when you turn it on again, how its not reset like a digital clock we had", and there it all started....

Well, you know the feeling when the whole day you solve difficult problems and than get stuck on something that looked simple? Well i go and drive around aimlessly, and when i get back almost EVERYTIME works at first try... (or at least different error message) :)

I don't save computer resources... I mean come on, there is a hundreds of gb RAM, dosens of cores, who cares if code has some line more if it's more easy to read...

Guys, would you rather do with good team and be the least experienced or in a small company and be the best programmer there?

A HTML... compiler? Wut?

One day at the office at whoever built Laravel

Dev: sir, most of devs use php, we can use good old php expressi...
Boss: no, dump all of them, we'll create our own functions that do same job
Dev: ok... So our devs will use mysql, we can use sql quer...
Boss: dump them all too, again, we will make our own functions that dont look anything like that
Dev: we can also use standard...
Boss: NO STANDARDS! Creare every single php method or sql query in another method that does the same job...

So i was told to make a code to iliterate through some categories from web... And then boss added subcetagories... And sub subcategories... And after a while a sub sub sub sub categories... Code was piling up and boss says "dont worry, you can do it"... So i ended up with a loop within a loop within a loop within a loop... About half a milion combinations... HOW DID YOU BECAME A BOSS WITHOUT LEARNING TO DO MATH BITCH?!