This is from a book I'm reading right now! I found it funny :-D

Pattern: What is a chaperone?

Shallan: That is someone who watches two young people when they are together, to make certain they don’t do anything inappropriate

Pattern: Inappropriate? Such as . . . dividing by zero?

Hey y'all! It's been a while since I logged in.
But I'm back with a dev jingle, just like last year:

Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Look how my code compiles,

Oh what fun, it is to see,
No reds in my console!

Pickup line of the day
"I need you like chrome needs RAM!"

If microsoft developers were ever on life support, we should unplug then plug them back in and see if that works!

I was talking about make up to my friend and he called it 'CSS for the face'.

I've never heard a more accurate description of makeup!!

Did you guys know that SO stands for 'Significant Other' on other social platforms?!???

Filthy muggles.

Introduce source version control tools from the very beginning.

Google playing both cop and criminal :-P

I just wrote, "We don't use braces for if in this package".

For if in! What the hell am I speaking!

Metaprogramming maybe easy to write but is so fucking hard to read and harder to maintain. Why do people even like these dynamic languages anyway :-/

*a very loud and miserable groan which may be cry for help*

I hate my life right now.

I almost added a #TODON'T to my code today.

Found this while internetting!

I'm coming back to devrant after a while, I'd like to throw in a hi to today's devrant feed!

This is how one must hand-off on call duties! 😝

Here's to the next orbit around the sun y'all!
Hope we all push unit tested code with the least number of to-do's, and fix more bugs than we create!

If it doesn't make you wrack your brain, it's probably not worth doing.

Guys, guys, guys! Read this if you haven't already..Hilarious ;-)

Source: http://kumo.swcp.com/synth/text/...

Jingle bells,
Batman smells,
Don't push to prod today!

But if you do,
Make sure you
Test it all the way!

Happy holidays, y'all!

Olivia Wilde's jawline is better structured than my code :-/
*internal screaming*

This is what happens when I'm asked to document something.

totally !dev

I just saw my team mate clean his glasses with that micro fiber cloth that they give along with the specs. He just like, opened his bag, picked up his specs box, took that itsy bitsy piece of clothing and wiped his glasses!!!!!

My heart stopped for a bit :-/

Who the hell does that. Sheeesh.

I'm distracted easily. I sometimes take up to 4-5 days to finish a task that would've taken a-productive-me just a few hours to complete.

All this tech and all those interesting strangers on the internet...damn.

Oh shit. I found something better. Had to delete previous rant.

Google Assistant is actually being cheeky!

What if we developerized our proverbs?

1. A bad developer blames his tools.

2. Code speaks louder than comments.

3. Birds of a text editor flock together.

So, I got a call from my dad today asking me how to forward an image on WhatsApp.

He kept saying, "I have made it blue, now what?"

It took me a minute to realise that he was referring to 'long press an image to highlight it' 🤣😂

(He had clicked the left arrow to reply instead of the right one that forwards and he was confused that it kept opening the keyboard. It was the sweetest and the funniest thing!)

Guys, I've been thinking.

When I get married I'm gonna make my partner agree to terms of service and my privacy policy instead of the lame wedding vows 😛

Instead of 'I do', it'll be 'I agree'.

Should also probably make him sign an NDA incase things go south.

Edit:
Also, probably a code of bathroom conduct. (I just remembered that football while peeing rant)

Did you know?
This rant is a part of the 3 quintillion bytes of data that the world generated today.

!dev

Sucks how the society pressures people into to stupid, irrational shit.

For the last time, I DO NOT WANT TO HOP THE BANDWAGON.

while(1) {
head.bang(table);
}

Internet: YOU are nothing without me.

My phone: Th..That's not true! She cc..can make calls ww..ithout you...and ss...send texts. Sh..Sh..She plays offf..offline games sometimes and has ddd..downloaded music to her storage that she could llii.. listen to and has a sshh..shit load of memes stocked that she sss..sometimes laughs at. I AM usef...ffuul :-/

Internet *lighting up a cigarette*: hahhaa! You can survive without me. If this were 10 YEARS ago! There's not a slightest chance, today.

My phone *starts sobbing*: sh..shut up sshhhuut uu..up.

Internet *blowing smoke rings*: you think you're the ONLY device she owns?? She has too many of them, but guess who is connected to all those devices! ME! She can't function without me. Hell, the world can't function without ME!

Electricity *rubbing it's eyes from sleep* - what's all that noise??

Phone: 😶

Internet: 😶

Phone: 🙂

(I'm about to fall asleep and there's no power right now. Back up ain't working. Life sucks)

My coworker and I attend remote stand up.
Half the time we are just playing "who is who" 😛🙊