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At first I was like: "wtf just happened? Why is that hand connected like it was a robot?".
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then I realised it's a watch.
12 -
Since apparently you recruiters are now lurking on devRant:
Go fuck yourselves, you amateur slave traders.28 -
Only in computer science you'll find that root is on the top of the tree and that parent may kill it's child after its function is no longer needed.4
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Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don’t have a mouse.
Caller: Mmmmm? Oh really? I will send a picture….
14 -
So I was spending Christmas at my girlfriend's house with her family. One morning we hear her grandad talking on the phone and we ask him who it is. He says that someone called him, saying that they're Cox tech support and need remote access to his PC. Naturally, we all freak out and ask what he's told them. He gives us a look and says "Nothing, I'm not a bloody moron. I've been wondering how people steal data these days, and this seemed like an opportunity to figure it out." The guy used to work for the British gov't as an industrial/chemical engineer back when computers used punch cards and he's still got it.5
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My dad just heard about the Iphone7
He wants me to create an Iphone8 because I study things with computers and technology stuff.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯10 -
I fucking hate people who think Eclipse is the only IDE out there for Java development, stop being so conservative and get out of the comfortable old rusty editor..!
33 -
Graduation is tomorrow and I get to decorate my cap...
I felt really mean sawing off the I/O but it weighed too much.
9 -
Overheard this guy talking to his friends about Python.
Guy: "Have you seen Python?? You basically just talk to the computer. There's no variables. You just go 'a = 2' and you can print 'a' and it'll give you 2! And there's no imports or anything!"15 -
Me: I love you
Girl: I've a boyfriend
Me: sudo I love you
Girl: I love you too!
.
.
.
Just an imagination 😢41 -
How Microsoft devs think about Linux 😁.
This was found inside the index.html of Visual Studio Code editor.
9 -
Life of an IT guy
1.Born
2.Study
3.Job
4.Shall I share my screen?.
5.Are you able to see my screen?
6.Am I audible ?
7.Correct me if I'm wrong
8.Sorry I was on mute
9.Ok.. I am sending that email.
10.Did you receive my email?
11.I am on a sick leave.
12.Death
Pretty much it!4 -
Just figured out that a server configuration I made about 3 months ago resulted in one of our main sites being offline.
No one fucking noticed it.
For 3 fucking months.
Amen.6 -
Me: I want the laptop without pre installed Windows.
Seller: Genuine windows will take care of viruses. It's virus proof.
Me:😂 Windows? Ok but I don't want that, give me without it. 😂😂😂13 -
I want a fullstack developer as my husband so that when I ruin things in Frontend, he is there to help me after making fun of me :D29
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Overheard a phone call between the Senior Network Engineer and a contracted Printer-company at 9am this morning. Photocopier was giving a 'functional error' message on-screen and not printing;
N.E:
I logged this call last
Thursday afternoon. Thats 1.5 days of the photocopier not working on our busiest site! Where's the engineer??
.... yes, that's the error message.
Yes, i can log into it, you should have the IP address from the call.
Yes, it's obviously pinging too.
Yes.... we've power-cycled the printer multiple times...
yes, tried that too...
yes, I've unplugged the network cable as well... left it for 15 minutes.
... sorry. What?
What did you say?
Are you f***ing kidding me?
Would you also like me to rub the side of the f***ing machine, and say a prayer while I'm at it??
*takes a deep breath*
Fine, I'll do that but when it doesn't work, i want someone out on the site before lunchtime today!
*slams phone down angrily*
N.E to me as he stomps out of the office;
He wants me to get the user to unplug the network cable and do a power cycle. How the f**k is that going to help? Idiots! Don't know why we have a contract with them, i could do a better job!!!
*comes back into office 5 minutes later*
Me: did it fix it?
NE: yeah. Damn.
*leaves room again to make apologetic phonecall*4 -
I was on this group on facebook and the guy had a genuine question but I tried to crack a joke and he got really pissed and told me to gtfo. I know I'm an asshole. But I'm a humble asshole.
6 -
Someday in an embedded course:
Lecturer: "You'll want the following drivers and SDK for this lecrure. With some tweaks it'll also work on Windows."
Guy with shiny Mac infront: "What about Mac?"
Lecturer: "WTF? You don't use Mac for embedded systems." o.O
Me: lol 😁5 -
Replaced all semi colons with the Greek question mark.
i watched him as he spent over 3½ hours trying to debug it.7 -
imagine the new try/catch block
try
..
catch
...
finally
....
please
...
how dare you?! (Application.Exit())4 -
A: man Stack Overflow is a paradise on earth, anything I need is on there, it never lets me down.
"Stack Overflow is currently offline for maintenance"
A: ......PANIC
4 -
Possibly the best comment I have ever encountered:
//When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing
//Now, God only knows3 -
My first code:-
#include<stdio.h>
void main() {
printf("Hello Priya");
}
Output:- I have a boyfriend!11 -
Wordpress :(
Here is another piece of garbage from a previous Wordpress "developer".
This is NOT the generated HTML, it's the actual source code within a custom category template.
The client has said their archives stopped working this year.
*** MASSIVE FACE PALM ***
16 -
So I had my headphones on programming when I get a tap on my shoulder... instead of saying it in my head, "for fuck sakes" came rolling out of my mouth to our HR lady. She wasn't pleased. 😂🔫6
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Sometimes I have really loose the will to live and find myself face palming multiple times.
I added live chat software a web frontend for a client. Very easy job that consisted of pasting in some embed code. The actual software is very good and has native ios/andriod apps - something specifically requested.
I got a call from my client about an hour ago, saying there is a "serious issue with the live chat".
My client stated the live chat won't work when his staff go home. He asked me what my solution to this was.
Saying "wtf" many times to myself I directed him to a settings within the chat software i.e. an "away mode" where an email is sent when no chat agents are available.
This apparently wasn't good enough and said I hadn't followed his brief of "adding life chat software to the website", which I had.
After a lengthy discussion I found the root of his frustration. He'd signed a contract with a client of his own, stating there would be 24/7 support via live chat on the website.
Obviously there a huge difference between adding a chat widget to a website and committing to having it manned 24/7 :)
After a further 10 minutes of trying push the blame on myself, the client insisted of having the chat software "appear" as someone was always online, even when they are not (people need to sleep ya know!).
Bu design, the chat software requires at least one agent be logged in before the chat status changes to "online" - why wouldn't it.
After a little while I was seriously wondering why I'm involved in this conversation. I jokingly stated: "Well you could always install Andriod/iOS app on your phone, login and permanently leave it running in background. You'd get lots of notifications, but the site would say the live is always online".
The latter was something I said in jest. To my surprise the client said he'd do that on his own phone going forwards. He actually thanked me for my "resourcefulness", lol.
I'm looking at the same dashboard now and there are 407 pending chat requests - his phone must literally be blowing up notifications :)
6 -
No, css is not evil, that God forsaken mother fucking useless piece of horse shit wanking ass fucking whore framework known as bootstrap is.14
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My first JSoup project?
Go to 1000 random rants and see how much they curse!
According to the results (btw I only did 1000 rants) people say "fuck" and "ass" 5.7% and 5.6% of the time respectively, while "shit" comes in third with 3.6%, and "bitch" coming in with a measly 0.2% (yes, I know I forgot to fix the % bug) Anyone surprised by the results? I was kinda surprised with "ass"
17 -
I think I just figured out the function the matrix used for my gf's dog.
Public Action GetOrder(string humantalk)
{
If (Order.parse(humantalk)
.VoiceLevel > Int.MaxValue)
{
while (true)
{
this.bark();
}
}
return dogsAction.Parse('eat hand');
}5 -
Date.prototype.valueOf = Math.random;
Use this as your 1st line of code in any web page or node server, for maximum lulz.
9 -
Found a "great" variable name while maintaining legacy code:
{
...
Report goodbye = Report::first($id);
goodbye->delete();
...
}
Goodbye report! 😂😂😂 -
Well... My MacBook is officially drunk 😂😂😂
Was testing a code that I made 😅 it actually didn't use more than 8 GB memory lol
7 -
Alright I have to rant about this.... Yesterday I taught my grandma how to take a screenshot.... Few hours later I see her clicking pictures.... When I looked closely I see she has her camera app open and she's taking screenshots instead of clicking pictures.... "Screenshots are clearer" it seems.... 😂😂😂 I was like....
4 -
I'm pretty sure I like getting devRant notifications more than tinder ones now. Somethings wrong here 😂2
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Two weeks ago, our lead presents jenkins to our apprentice.
Apprentice : why some projects have a cloud icon and other a sun ?
Lead : because there were cloud outside when build finished.
Today we still laugh about it. -
Router: Doctor, I can't take it anymore.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Router: It hurts when IP. -
One of my colleagues held a very short, literally 5 minutes, interview today. The candidate was looking for an android developer position.
Me: Done already?😕
C: Yep. Had enough.
Me: How come?
C: I asked him if he has any apps on the store? No. Any public git? No. Any apk? No.
C: Ok what experience do you have?
Dude: I worked on a app similar to imdb 4 years ago. I made a page for it.
C: *Page* *triggered* *internal screaming* 😂
C: Ok and since then?
Dude: Nothing.
C; Ok, we'll call you.
Best ot luck in your android dev career mate. Never gonna hear from us.
How can you come to an interview and be so unprepared. Was he delosutional or something?😕2 -
My tinder status:
//Recently relocated to Bangalore
looking for friendship();
beauty += brains;
turn_ons = {tech_talks, humour, adventure};
turn_offs = {selfie_addiction, crap_chat, discussing_people};
If (you in turn_ons &! turn_offs)
swipe right();
else
swipe left();2 -
The next time a teacher tells me to Google something I ask him about...
.... I'll tell him to Google my noodle.
Thank you.
Keep scrolling.3 -
I was going to rant about an ex friend but then I realized he's such a dick my account would be taken down for posting nudity.
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Hmm, I find it highly peculiar that I let a friend borrow my pc to watch stranger things on Netflix, with her account.
I signed her into the guest account, she picked Google Chrome (not signed in).
Now my Facebook feed and YouTube adds are all about stranger things..
I get the ip gets logged & mapped.. But srsly.8 -
Hah, a SaaS platform approached me about my open source project. They said, "let's collaborate". After getting into it they said, would you mind replacing xyz in your library with our platform?
Me: Replacing?
I won't go through the rest of the convo since it reveals too much. But damn nice way to stamp out competition. Just kill all the open source frameworks that provide alternatives to your product.1 -
Am I not allowed to listen to melodic instrumental rock/metal arrangement music, even though I just wanted to finish my job as soon as possible?
I remembered last Sunday when we had a dinner of our co-member's house where the neighbors music was so loud that it hurts their ears. I'm not being hypocrite because I do, too, love rock music. So when they talked about it, I zipped my mouth with innocent eyes and listened to their tattletale with my mind bursting, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR TALKING; I SIMPLY LOVE THE BACKGROUND MUSIC WHEN YOU TRY TO INFLUENCE THEIR NUTSHELLED BRAIN.4 -
The job market is lol
Graduated 9 months ago, working minimum wage jobs and applying to jobs, never getting an interview! I finally get a job in my field, and within my first week on the job I get calls for 4 interviews, all paying more than the job I took
On top of that my parents think my salary is way too low but beggars can't be choosers right5 -
Ask Google Assistant "What's the second tallest building in the world?"
Maybe it's a bug or something
Or it just loves the tallest building lol4 -
that hardworking developer is the one that writes (request, response) in node.js instead of (req, res).1
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that moment when you have to use the 'or' operator and don't know for that moment if you are in c#, vb, sql or php..
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On the beginning of a project I'm not yet ( 😒 ) taking part of I questioned the use of firebase because I understood the client was gonna ask for the web app to be hosted on their servers lately, but people told me not to worry.
Today... Only 2 fucking months later they are asking for the specifications/technologies used so they can prepare their server to host it and I was laughing my ass out internally while saying to my boss:
Well, looks like you are gonna need to rewrite huge parts and probably write a back end from scratch if you are gonna use postgresql.
Lol, why do people never listen to me? This is becoming ridiculous....1 -
When you debug a piece of code for a good half an hour and then realise you forgot to change the name of some variable when copying code from earlier bits.3
-
That feeling when you are browsing a job offer and they claim they use "pure PHP".
LOL nope. I won't maintain your custom framework created by five different freelancers over the past few years and turn into something that does scream Frankenstein.
At least state that it uses composer, symfony2 components or some other microframework. I have yet to see an application that truly requires your own framework. And even when you do, base it on silex / symfony2 components. http://symfony.com/doc/current/...2 -
I don't use templates, I write my own websites... from scratch! -Drops mic and runs to go clean up CSS and Javascript errors for all eternity-.1
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Just made my mom signup for DevRant telling her it's the new "Facebook" haha she wasn't too happy after signing up to realize the platforms purpose.3
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Man accidentally 'deletes his entire company' with one line of bad code rm -rf in his bash script 😂😂1
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Hate it when the beta tester always laughs when he finds a notorious bug, but loves it when I fix it in mere seconds and his laugh slowly fades...1
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Wordpress :(
This is some production code of a completely butchered Wordpress site I have been forced to work on (the previous developer managed to break the site so the archives section failed to work).
Words literally fail me.
2 -
By the way, for anyone that gets a "lol" from me, I really mean I'm laughing out loud. I don't like being dishonest with these stuff.
Like when I'm in classes and message something funny to a classmate and he replies "rofl", I really expect him to be rolling on the floor laughing but fuck, he's there sitting with a perfect pose without even a smirk on his face. Next time you rofl at me, motherfucker, I expect you to be rolling in the floor. ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING.
So appreciate my lols please. I mean them. I lol in the subway, my car, in classes and the bathroom. I'm sincere with them.8 -
Build project on GitHub with new tags, refresh every hour to see what if somebody found it and like "WOW check this out"? Pft, who am I kidding, still zero.2
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Sharing my colleague's recent experience..
He was working in development of version 1.0 for an application last month, and it was scheduled to be released but when I asked him today how did the roll out went, he said "I am assigned to directly release the v2.0 of this application." -
Just saw an advert for a macbook Air in a local computer store. They called it "power. To. The tenth power"1
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My friend's friend contacted me about some problems with her laptop.
Her: While using it automatically restarts, What should I do ?
Me: Which OS you're using ?
Her: I don't use OLX.
I was stumbled and didn't know what to respond. Can't control laughing though.1 -
In my early days of web development I was on the lookout for a good PHP IDE and stumbled upon Komodo IDE. Never in my life have I asked for a refund so fast. Crashed at the most random times, such as when opening files and folders. Even accessing the settings could cause it to crash. Besides that I found it slow af.3
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Not a rant, anyone else play League of Legends? Just started back up and it would be cool to game with some fellow ranters. Gaming releases my anger lol5
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I wonder if there is a Galaxy where at the fashion Show instead of women there are just Code parts walking on the catwalk and it is a Contest which Code is the most beautiful .. Lol1
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Do you know for LOLCODE language?
LOLCODE WTFFFFF !!!!!!!!!!!
Hello World code:
HAI 1.2
CAN HAS STDIO?
VISIBLE "HAI WORLD!!!1!"
KTHXBYE
Wtfffff !!!!!!!
Lol !!!!!!!
Lolco... [readmore]
7 -
I remember I couple years back in school nobody in my class was really tech-savvy except me and friend... Midway through class the teacher was saving a PowerPoint presentation. But when she was editing the name she started to edit the file extension not know what .pptx meant... The look of dismay me and my friend shared as she did this is one of my greatest memories of school.3
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It's about to be 4:20 on 4/20 get ready to run all your scrips now as you cannot have an unexpected token at 4:20 on 4/20, all token is expected then.1
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If employers see my devRant profile, I hope they don’t think too hard about this rant: https://devrant.io/rants/705145/...
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I was surfing the web.....
Let's see if there is something new about comma ai
Maybe they decided to really release their source (visiond, etc...)
[Actually they don't :-( ]
So my trip begins...
comma(.)ai -> youtube -> github -> youtube (again) ->> etc...
Then i found this:
openpilotlegacy(.)org
😂😂😂😂
LoL -
I used to do a job where I helped older people with their computer issues and of my customers once used an actual magnifier to view websites their smaller letters. Both logical but also hilarious, the customer probably didnt know any better!2
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learning biology bases turned out to be a greatway to start rationalizing down friendship/relationship to hormons! GREATWAY TOGETDEPRESSED. lel
(thanks anyway to the guy who thought me :P)2 -
xcode rant
After a long and exhausting progress that feels like it took days! (maybe a day lol). I came to the conclusion that StoryBoard is probably one of the biggest pains in the universe. I tried to center a UIImage View for an eternity to work both with landscape and portriat and continued to get vaying results with no actual pattern whatsoever.... One day I woke up and there was actually more textfields than were originally put on...... wahhhhh?
Within this eternity I decided that my only hope against losing all sanity and bashing my head against a keyboard screaming "#$%# you Xcode!" was to do the UI in AutoLayout Programmatically. Took me 1 hour.... thats it... Just one. Instant love. haha
Okay Im done now. Have a great day devRanters! -
Debating whether to be the guy that posts deep slash depressing shit on here. Or let my other personality of a meme Lord handle my devRant3
-
Ah, but if an AI were to steal every technical job on the planet, there would be a humongous spike in developer jobs that would support the AI for one job, so it would increase the demand for developers.
Mind = blown3 -
How upvote whoring will be on devRant : Guys upvote this Rant to reach the upper limit on the votes counter and know what variable type it is !!!1!!1!!3
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They're calling me the exterminator at work. I would take that as a compliment if it hadn't been me who introduced the bugs.
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So I just made my first app from my book. So the IPO is tomorrow, anyone want to join the TipCalculator team before we are an overnight success?
-
The iCloud and Google drive is actually a place where all iOS and Android phones end up, respectively.
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