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At first I was like: "wtf just happened? Why is that hand connected like it was a robot?".
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Then I realised it's a watch.
12 -
Since apparently you recruiters are now lurking on devRant:
Go fuck yourselves, you amateur slave traders.28 -
Only in computer science you'll find that root is on the top of the tree and that parent may kill it's child after its function is no longer needed.4
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Caller: Hi, our printer is not working.
Customer Service: What is wrong with it?
Caller: Mouse is jammed.
Customer Service: Mouse? Printers don’t have a mouse.
Caller: Mmmmm? Oh really? I will send a picture….
14 -
So I was spending Christmas at my girlfriend's house with her family. One morning we hear her grandad talking on the phone and we ask him who it is. He says that someone called him, saying that they're Cox tech support and need remote access to his PC. Naturally, we all freak out and ask what he's told them. He gives us a look and says "Nothing, I'm not a bloody moron. I've been wondering how people steal data these days, and this seemed like an opportunity to figure it out." The guy used to work for the British gov't as an industrial/chemical engineer back when computers used punch cards and he's still got it.5
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My dad just heard about the Iphone7
He wants me to create an Iphone8 because I study things with computers and technology stuff.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯10 -
I fucking hate people who think Eclipse is the only IDE out there for Java development, stop being so conservative and get out of the comfortable old rusty editor..!
33 -
Graduation is tomorrow and I get to decorate my cap...
I felt really mean sawing off the I/O but it weighed too much.
9 -
Overheard this guy talking to his friends about Python.
Guy: "Have you seen Python?? You basically just talk to the computer. There's no variables. You just go 'a = 2' and you can print 'a' and it'll give you 2! And there's no imports or anything!"15 -
Me: I love you
Girl: I've a boyfriend
Me: sudo I love you
Girl: I love you too!
.
.
.
Just an imagination 😢41 -
How Microsoft devs think about Linux 😁.
This was found inside the index.html of Visual Studio Code editor.
9 -
Life of an IT guy
1.Born
2.Study
3.Job
4.Shall I share my screen?.
5.Are you able to see my screen?
6.Am I audible ?
7.Correct me if I'm wrong
8.Sorry I was on mute
9.Ok.. I am sending that email.
10.Did you receive my email?
11.I am on a sick leave.
12.Death
Pretty much it!4 -
Just figured out that a server configuration I made about 3 months ago resulted in one of our main sites being offline.
No one fucking noticed it.
For 3 fucking months.
Amen.6 -
Me: I want the laptop without pre installed Windows.
Seller: Genuine windows will take care of viruses. It's virus proof.
Me:😂 Windows? Ok but I don't want that, give me without it. 😂😂😂13 -
I want a fullstack developer as my husband so that when I ruin things in Frontend, he is there to help me after making fun of me :D29
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Haha I just found the function a couple days ago. After searching for it.
*Find on Reddit. Enjoy :P
3 -
Overheard a phone call between the Senior Network Engineer and a contracted Printer-company at 9am this morning. Photocopier was giving a 'functional error' message on-screen and not printing;
N.E:
I logged this call last
Thursday afternoon. Thats 1.5 days of the photocopier not working on our busiest site! Where's the engineer??
.... yes, that's the error message.
Yes, i can log into it, you should have the IP address from the call.
Yes, it's obviously pinging too.
Yes.... we've power-cycled the printer multiple times...
yes, tried that too...
yes, I've unplugged the network cable as well... left it for 15 minutes.
... sorry. What?
What did you say?
Are you f***ing kidding me?
Would you also like me to rub the side of the f***ing machine, and say a prayer while I'm at it??
*takes a deep breath*
Fine, I'll do that but when it doesn't work, i want someone out on the site before lunchtime today!
*slams phone down angrily*
N.E to me as he stomps out of the office;
He wants me to get the user to unplug the network cable and do a power cycle. How the f**k is that going to help? Idiots! Don't know why we have a contract with them, i could do a better job!!!
*comes back into office 5 minutes later*
Me: did it fix it?
NE: yeah. Damn.
*leaves room again to make apologetic phonecall*4 -
Someday in an embedded course:
Lecturer: "You'll want the following drivers and SDK for this lecrure. With some tweaks it'll also work on Windows."
Guy with shiny Mac infront: "What about Mac?"
Lecturer: "WTF? You don't use Mac for embedded systems." o.O
Me: lol 😁5 -
I was on this group on facebook and the guy had a genuine question but I tried to crack a joke and he got really pissed and told me to gtfo. I know I'm an asshole. But I'm a humble asshole.
6 -
Replaced all semi colons with the Greek question mark.
i watched him as he spent over 3½ hours trying to debug it.7 -
Possibly the best comment I have ever encountered:
//When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing
//Now, God only knows3 -
imagine the new try/catch block
try
..
catch
...
finally
....
please
...
how dare you?! (Application.Exit())4 -
A: man Stack Overflow is a paradise on earth, anything I need is on there, it never lets me down.
"Stack Overflow is currently offline for maintenance"
A: ......PANIC
4 -
Wordpress :(
Here is another piece of garbage from a previous Wordpress "developer".
This is NOT the generated HTML, it's the actual source code within a custom category template.
The client has said their archives stopped working this year.
*** MASSIVE FACE PALM ***
16 -
My first code:-
#include<stdio.h>
void main() {
printf("Hello Priya");
}
Output:- I have a boyfriend!11 -
Sometimes I have really loose the will to live and find myself face palming multiple times.
I added live chat software a web frontend for a client. Very easy job that consisted of pasting in some embed code. The actual software is very good and has native ios/andriod apps - something specifically requested.
I got a call from my client about an hour ago, saying there is a "serious issue with the live chat".
My client stated the live chat won't work when his staff go home. He asked me what my solution to this was.
Saying "wtf" many times to myself I directed him to a settings within the chat software i.e. an "away mode" where an email is sent when no chat agents are available.
This apparently wasn't good enough and said I hadn't followed his brief of "adding life chat software to the website", which I had.
After a lengthy discussion I found the root of his frustration. He'd signed a contract with a client of his own, stating there would be 24/7 support via live chat on the website.
Obviously there a huge difference between adding a chat widget to a website and committing to having it manned 24/7 :)
After a further 10 minutes of trying push the blame on myself, the client insisted of having the chat software "appear" as someone was always online, even when they are not (people need to sleep ya know!).
Bu design, the chat software requires at least one agent be logged in before the chat status changes to "online" - why wouldn't it.
After a little while I was seriously wondering why I'm involved in this conversation. I jokingly stated: "Well you could always install Andriod/iOS app on your phone, login and permanently leave it running in background. You'd get lots of notifications, but the site would say the live is always online".
The latter was something I said in jest. To my surprise the client said he'd do that on his own phone going forwards. He actually thanked me for my "resourcefulness", lol.
I'm looking at the same dashboard now and there are 407 pending chat requests - his phone must literally be blowing up notifications :)
6 -
I think I just figured out the function the matrix used for my gf's dog.
Public Action GetOrder(string humantalk)
{
If (Order.parse(humantalk)
.VoiceLevel > Int.MaxValue)
{
while (true)
{
this.bark();
}
}
return dogsAction.Parse('eat hand');
}5 -
My first JSoup project?
Go to 1000 random rants and see how much they curse!
According to the results (btw I only did 1000 rants) people say "fuck" and "ass" 5.7% and 5.6% of the time respectively, while "shit" comes in third with 3.6%, and "bitch" coming in with a measly 0.2% (yes, I know I forgot to fix the % bug) Anyone surprised by the results? I was kinda surprised with "ass"
17 -
Date.prototype.valueOf = Math.random;
Use this as your 1st line of code in any web page or node server, for maximum lulz.
9 -
Found a "great" variable name while maintaining legacy code:
{
...
Report goodbye = Report::first($id);
goodbye->delete();
...
}
Goodbye report! 😂😂😂 -
Well... My MacBook is officially drunk 😂😂😂
Was testing a code that I made 😅 it actually didn't use more than 8 GB memory lol
7 -
Discussing LoL skins with the intern.
Me : "I mean... The skin that you've got is great and all, but my skin looks really good. I'll let you try it out sometime. The texture really brings out the character"
Intern (he's Indian, with dark skin) : "Sure. But you'll also have to try on my skin. It's quite darker and looks cooler."
HR passing by doesn't say anything, but looks at both of us with concern.4 -
Alright I have to rant about this.... Yesterday I taught my grandma how to take a screenshot.... Few hours later I see her clicking pictures.... When I looked closely I see she has her camera app open and she's taking screenshots instead of clicking pictures.... "Screenshots are clearer" it seems.... 😂😂😂 I was like....
4 -
I'm pretty sure I like getting devRant notifications more than tinder ones now. Somethings wrong here 😂2
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So after Avatar change, we now have the #LOL trend.
So it all started with a Windows rant in feed, which I genuinely found hilarious. I decided to comment 'Lol' on it.
I opened the rant and see that our dear friend and foe @rEaL-jAsE has already commented 'Lol' on it.
I thought he might feel that I am mocking him, but decided to do anyway because fuck it.
Things turned as expected. He replied with Lol. @rEaL-jAsE soon posted another rant, which I found genuinely hilarious, and I commented 'Lol' on it.
Yeah! You guessed it right. We started Loling at each other. Mr @JoshBent it interesting and decided to join the 'Lol club'.
So, I and @rEaL-jAsE welcomed him with a 'Lol' and it grew so much that we broke the comments limit on devRant (https://devrant.com/rants/1502864/...)
The club started to grow, we now have more members to ‘Lol’ with us, and many asked for the story behind the origin of the club. In addition, we do not have a place to continue Loling.
Therefore, I am posting this story and we all can continue Loling in comments.
P.S.: Count your Lols. Creativity is welcomed.60 -
If I have a wish,
I would wished for all the programming languages in this world to have their array...
...start from -1.
8 -
Two weeks ago, our lead presents jenkins to our apprentice.
Apprentice : why some projects have a cloud icon and other a sun ?
Lead : because there were cloud outside when build finished.
Today we still laugh about it. -
One of my colleagues held a very short, literally 5 minutes, interview today. The candidate was looking for an android developer position.
Me: Done already?😕
C: Yep. Had enough.
Me: How come?
C: I asked him if he has any apps on the store? No. Any public git? No. Any apk? No.
C: Ok what experience do you have?
Dude: I worked on a app similar to imdb 4 years ago. I made a page for it.
C: *Page* *triggered* *internal screaming* 😂
C: Ok and since then?
Dude: Nothing.
C; Ok, we'll call you.
Best ot luck in your android dev career mate. Never gonna hear from us.
How can you come to an interview and be so unprepared. Was he delosutional or something?😕2 -
Router: Doctor, I can't take it anymore.
Doctor: What seems to be the problem?
Router: It hurts when IP. -
The next time a teacher tells me to Google something I ask him about...
.... I'll tell him to Google my noodle.
Thank you.
Keep scrolling.3 -
My tinder status:
//Recently relocated to Bangalore
looking for friendship();
beauty += brains;
turn_ons = {tech_talks, humour, adventure};
turn_offs = {selfie_addiction, crap_chat, discussing_people};
If (you in turn_ons &! turn_offs)
swipe right();
else
swipe left();2 -
Am I not allowed to listen to melodic instrumental rock/metal arrangement music, even though I just wanted to finish my job as soon as possible?
I remembered last Sunday when we had a dinner of our co-member's house where the neighbors music was so loud that it hurts their ears. I'm not being hypocrite because I do, too, love rock music. So when they talked about it, I zipped my mouth with innocent eyes and listened to their tattletale with my mind bursting, I DON'T CARE WHAT YOUR TALKING; I SIMPLY LOVE THE BACKGROUND MUSIC WHEN YOU TRY TO INFLUENCE THEIR NUTSHELLED BRAIN.4 -
Hmm, I find it highly peculiar that I let a friend borrow my pc to watch stranger things on Netflix, with her account.
I signed her into the guest account, she picked Google Chrome (not signed in).
Now my Facebook feed and YouTube adds are all about stranger things..
I get the ip gets logged & mapped.. But srsly.8 -
Hah, a SaaS platform approached me about my open source project. They said, "let's collaborate". After getting into it they said, would you mind replacing xyz in your library with our platform?
Me: Replacing?
I won't go through the rest of the convo since it reveals too much. But damn nice way to stamp out competition. Just kill all the open source frameworks that provide alternatives to your product.1 -
The job market is lol
Graduated 9 months ago, working minimum wage jobs and applying to jobs, never getting an interview! I finally get a job in my field, and within my first week on the job I get calls for 4 interviews, all paying more than the job I took
On top of that my parents think my salary is way too low but beggars can't be choosers right5 -
This is the last time Microsoft! I'm getting my old Arch image out and removing you from my life forever! Never again will my linux distro randomly uninstall itself without telling me in the middle of implementing new components and crash my development server. Never again will I have to deal with an update that refuses to STFU and go away until I, ME NOT YOU MICROSOFT, decides it's a good time to run the update. No more lack of customization and poor support of common dev tools. I'M DONE WITH YOU, WE NEED TO SEE OTHER PEOPLE.2
-
Interviewer: Could you please make a class to force it create one instance at most?
Me: Sure!
(I didn't know the singleton pattern)
class A {
public static bool isCreated = false;
A() {
if(isCreated == true)
throw new Exception();
isCreated = true;
}
}7 -
That feeling when you are browsing a job offer and they claim they use "pure PHP".
LOL nope. I won't maintain your custom framework created by five different freelancers over the past few years and turn into something that does scream Frankenstein.
At least state that it uses composer, symfony2 components or some other microframework. I have yet to see an application that truly requires your own framework. And even when you do, base it on silex / symfony2 components. http://symfony.com/doc/current/...2 -
Ask Google Assistant "What's the second tallest building in the world?"
Maybe it's a bug or something
Or it just loves the tallest building lol4 -
that hardworking developer is the one that writes (request, response) in node.js instead of (req, res).1
-
On the beginning of a project I'm not yet ( 😒 ) taking part of I questioned the use of firebase because I understood the client was gonna ask for the web app to be hosted on their servers lately, but people told me not to worry.
Today... Only 2 fucking months later they are asking for the specifications/technologies used so they can prepare their server to host it and I was laughing my ass out internally while saying to my boss:
Well, looks like you are gonna need to rewrite huge parts and probably write a back end from scratch if you are gonna use postgresql.
Lol, why do people never listen to me? This is becoming ridiculous....1 -
When you debug a piece of code for a good half an hour and then realise you forgot to change the name of some variable when copying code from earlier bits.3
-
Just made my mom signup for DevRant telling her it's the new "Facebook" haha she wasn't too happy after signing up to realize the platforms purpose.3
-
that moment when you have to use the 'or' operator and don't know for that moment if you are in c#, vb, sql or php..
-
Man accidentally 'deletes his entire company' with one line of bad code rm -rf in his bash script 😂😂1
-
float integral = 0;
float dx=float.minValue;
for (float x = a; x<=b; x+=dx) {
integral+=f(x)*dx;
}
A classmate just literally wrote this and he believed it was the proper way to do it.
I asked him to integrate f(x)=1 on 0<x<1. -
Hate it when the beta tester always laughs when he finds a notorious bug, but loves it when I fix it in mere seconds and his laugh slowly fades...1
-
By the way, for anyone that gets a "lol" from me, I really mean I'm laughing out loud. I don't like being dishonest with these stuff.
Like when I'm in classes and message something funny to a classmate and he replies "rofl", I really expect him to be rolling on the floor laughing but fuck, he's there sitting with a perfect pose without even a smirk on his face. Next time you rofl at me, motherfucker, I expect you to be rolling in the floor. ROLLING ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING.
So appreciate my lols please. I mean them. I lol in the subway, my car, in classes and the bathroom. I'm sincere with them.8 -
Build project on GitHub with new tags, refresh every hour to see what if somebody found it and like "WOW check this out"? Pft, who am I kidding, still zero.2
-
Wordpress :(
This is some production code of a completely butchered Wordpress site I have been forced to work on (the previous developer managed to break the site so the archives section failed to work).
Words literally fail me.
2 -
I have been coding for 2 years, 1 month at a company
Teammate1 has been coding for a year, a genius, learns everything in a week, knows all major js frameworks, refuses to adhere to any rules except no rebase on pushed (luckily)
Teammate2 has been coding for a year, learns slowly, very reliable, has no common sense at all
Teammate3 the designer, really has the skills but always busy, never has time for a meeting, gets very mad if it looks different from her original plan.
We're all college students short of money so they all want to work for clients. I don't have the leadership skills / charisma for this.1 -
Just saw an advert for a macbook Air in a local computer store. They called it "power. To. The tenth power"1
-
For a unit amount of staying awake I lose less energy now than I did an hour ago.
I just said that.
To an actual human being.
Science is dangerous.1 -
I wonder if there is a Galaxy where at the fashion Show instead of women there are just Code parts walking on the catwalk and it is a Contest which Code is the most beautiful .. Lol1
-
Do you know for LOLCODE language?
LOLCODE WTFFFFF !!!!!!!!!!!
Hello World code:
HAI 1.2
CAN HAS STDIO?
VISIBLE "HAI WORLD!!!1!"
KTHXBYE
Wtfffff !!!!!!!
Lol !!!!!!!
Lolco... [readmore]
7 -
Not a rant, anyone else play League of Legends? Just started back up and it would be cool to game with some fellow ranters. Gaming releases my anger lol5
-
In my early days of web development I was on the lookout for a good PHP IDE and stumbled upon Komodo IDE. Never in my life have I asked for a refund so fast. Crashed at the most random times, such as when opening files and folders. Even accessing the settings could cause it to crash. Besides that I found it slow af.3
-
My friend's friend contacted me about some problems with her laptop.
Her: While using it automatically restarts, What should I do ?
Me: Which OS you're using ?
Her: I don't use OLX.
I was stumbled and didn't know what to respond. Can't control laughing though.1 -
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It's about to be 4:20 on 4/20 get ready to run all your scrips now as you cannot have an unexpected token at 4:20 on 4/20, all token is expected then.1
-
I was surfing the web.....
Let's see if there is something new about comma ai
Maybe they decided to really release their source (visiond, etc...)
[Actually they don't :-( ]
So my trip begins...
comma(.)ai -> youtube -> github -> youtube (again) ->> etc...
Then i found this:
openpilotlegacy(.)org
😂😂😂😂
LoL -
I hate meteor. I hate that I have to have everything I do revolve around meteor and it's packages. I hate that I cant implement HMR without support from meteor or tearing my hair out for hours on end. I hate the special implementation of unit tests that have to accommodate for the fact that meteor sucks so much. I hate the encapsulated bubble of "meteor" packages that install themselves outside of my development directory. I hate that I can't use most of the code I find while researching problems because it doesn't work inside of the meteor bubble.
I did not start this project. I did not select meteor as a starting point because I didn't want to implement my own full stack solution, of which there are many that are far better in almost every way, and watch everyone else that touched my code suffer from day one.
If it is the last thing I do, I WILL purge meteor and all of it's nonsense from every line of code in this application even if that means rewriting every line of code in this application.
I will have no mercy. There will be screams of agony, gnashing of teeth and blood will flow down the streets like the rivers of hate that flow in my heart for meteor and all things it stands for.
I will have my vengeance, and it will be terrible.1 -
Ah, but if an AI were to steal every technical job on the planet, there would be a humongous spike in developer jobs that would support the AI for one job, so it would increase the demand for developers.
Mind = blown3 -
!rant
I've been coding for just about 2 months now! I literally dont wanna do anything else!! Its all I can think about... I know im not qualified to work a dev job yet lol but I wish i could nab a junior dev position so I can practice 9-5 not just after business hours and on the weekend... -
I used to do a job where I helped older people with their computer issues and of my customers once used an actual magnifier to view websites their smaller letters. Both logical but also hilarious, the customer probably didnt know any better!2
-
xcode rant
After a long and exhausting progress that feels like it took days! (maybe a day lol). I came to the conclusion that StoryBoard is probably one of the biggest pains in the universe. I tried to center a UIImage View for an eternity to work both with landscape and portriat and continued to get vaying results with no actual pattern whatsoever.... One day I woke up and there was actually more textfields than were originally put on...... wahhhhh?
Within this eternity I decided that my only hope against losing all sanity and bashing my head against a keyboard screaming "#$%# you Xcode!" was to do the UI in AutoLayout Programmatically. Took me 1 hour.... thats it... Just one. Instant love. haha
Okay Im done now. Have a great day devRanters! -
learning biology bases turned out to be a greatway to start rationalizing down friendship/relationship to hormons! GREATWAY TOGETDEPRESSED. lel
(thanks anyway to the guy who thought me :P)2 -
The iCloud and Google drive is actually a place where all iOS and Android phones end up, respectively.
-
They're calling me the exterminator at work. I would take that as a compliment if it hadn't been me who introduced the bugs.
-
How upvote whoring will be on devRant : Guys upvote this Rant to reach the upper limit on the votes counter and know what variable type it is !!!1!!1!!3
-
So I just made my first app from my book. So the IPO is tomorrow, anyone want to join the TipCalculator team before we are an overnight success?
-
Erry day I'm tetherin'
Because the fucking WiFi driver gives up on life every 3 months, repairing takes about a month everywhere and I have 3 devices, so there's not a whole week that I can spend without usb tethering from my phone.
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