I was assigned a new project today. Lead developer left for two weeks of vacation last Thursday. Project lead is assigned full time on another project from tomorrow.

Tasks exist but they do only described with headlines the areas of the application.

A specification does not exist. I have a graphic prototype.

The project is not complete and already well beyond estimated work hours.

How is your Monday?

Honestly, nothing. I'm just a human. I know I will fail multiple times, over and over. I allow myself to do that, learning and taking precautions for each new failure.

Make Angular great again

I don't hate you today.

Does stackoverflow.com devs use stackoverflow.com to get their problems solved ? 🤔

Every fucking time I install a new npm package

npm WARN deprecated core-js@2.5.7: core-js@<3.0 is no longer maintained and not recommended for usage due to the number of issues. Please, upgrade your dependencies to the actual version of core-js@3.
npm WARN deprecated fsevents@1.2.9: One of your dependencies needs to upgrade to fsevents v2: 1) Proper nodejs v10+ support 2) No more fetching binaries from AWS, smaller package size
npm WARN deprecated gulp-util@3.0.8: gulp-util is deprecated - replace it, following the guidelines at https://medium.com/gulpjs/...
npm WARN deprecated browserslist@2.11.3: Browserslist 2 could fail on reading Browserslist >3.0 config used in other tools.
npm WARN deprecated domelementtype@1.3.0: update to domelementtype@1.3.1
npm WARN deprecated circular-json@0.3.3: CircularJSON is in maintenance only, flatted is its successor.
npm WARN deprecated flatten@1.0.2: I wrote this module a very long time ago; you should use something else.

Coding is like handwriting.

Code review is about having a common understanding of the big picture and ensure be features follow the general architecture and process flow.

Code review is not about nitpicking on FUCKING TRAILING WHITEFUCKINGSPACES , lower case vs upper case SQL statements, extra empty lines AND EVERY FUCKING MINOR DETAIL you can imagine

/me doing the 23rd revision of a PR because my colleague reviewing it comments on every imaginable way his opinion of code standards differ from mine:

git commit -m "."

Split everything into small tasks, no longer than two days of work

Use Fibonacci numbers, 1-2-3-5-8-13

A highly effective developer will produce about 80% of a work day. If you think a task is done within a day add 25% and your estimate is ten. Remember that we use Fibonacci and round up to 13.

When I say NO.

Why are Mexican IT projects so expensive? ... Because there are only Señor Consultants available 😂

My company uses SVN so I cry every time I see a git joke

Wife: what are you thinking about?

Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree

Wife: forget that I asked

So tired of app developers localizing app information with Google Translate. Use a real person that can READ AND WRITE IN THE FUCKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE or scrap the entire translation and do marketing in English. And Google? Why the fuck do you allow people to embarrass themselves by providing machine translated SHIT in the Store Listing options?

Some gems found on Google Play Store, translated from Norwegian to English the way I as Norwegian interpret them.

Reddit: Reddit is a collection of bank interest rate society: cats, piks, politics and more.

eBay: Offer, to buy, to sell. Turn pages offering and save on clothes Sjoeping, used cars and more

Huuuge Casino: New social castls and casino a sensation! Now play FREE!

And finally, devRant 😂: Social networks to get a contact with other developers than funny qalz about tekk.

I write JavaScript and C#. Like an author. Now and then I send my work for review so it can be published.... If I start telling people that instead of saying I am a developer maybe they will stop nagging me about their printers and shitty malware-loaded computers.

Slap other people in the face via internet.

Half-Life 3

Me: "Showtime!"
Windows: "LOL, NOPE!"

The irony in this rant is that I just installed Linux in a dualboot environment and was eager to start setting up the new OS. For some reason, Grub was not recognized and Windows started automatically... 😥

My love/hate relationship with Visual Studio

Wife asks me to peel potatoes. I know I am expected to peel potatoes AND carrots but I don't operate by that logic and if I did I would feel dirty inside

A thread of emails is NOT a specification.

Accidentally moving a file and reverting the change while the file was in use in Bash for Windows. Now I have a file even the sole Administrator (me) does not have access to delete...

I have a screenshot(!) of data I am supposed to import into a database... Visible in the screenshot is also A FUCKING BUTTON THAT SAYS "EXPORT TO EXCEL" !!! 👿

I've always been creative; drawing, instruments, building stuff... Programming was just another way to express myself.

Finding a bug as a developer: "Fuck..." *start working on an undocumented hotfix that breaks other parts of the application"

Finding a bug as a tester: "Yeah, right.." *start writing a comprehensive report including all possible failure scenarios and how world famine will increase and men develop boobs if this bug is shipped into production"

Finding a bug as a PM: "Well, the other parts work, right ?" *click randomly on nearby buttons and input fields to "check" if everything is all right. Ditch said report from tester*

Storing de-normalized data in NoSql when used to relational data feels like I am vomiting on the database

$ alias ls=reboot
$ alias alias=sudo rm -rf /

Every pre-installed server bootable image.

lync.exe

If you're having log problems I feel bad for you, son
I've got 99 problems
in the log ain't one