The monthly paycheck.

/me joining a new front-end project with enforced prettier rules to complete the build pipeline.

No double-quotes ! Single-quotes all the way !

- weird flex, but OK. I'll comply

No CRLF ! LF only !

- Ok, now you're starting to annoy me. With git autocrlf I can have my precious CR locally bu check in only LF and YOU CAN GIVE THE FUCK ABOUT WHAT LINE ENDINGS I USE LOCALLY WHEN EVERYTHING WILL BE CORRECT WHEN PUSHING COMMITS!

No semi-colons !

- Now I hate you

Microsoft Windows can burn.

I have this feature where I configure a remote API via some endpoints and the API pushes data back to some webhooks in my API.

Yesterday I set everything up for the final test; fired up my own API with some test data, added some configuration and started trace logging to ensure that everything works as expected when the remote site tries to send me data.

I was ready to collect ! Enter this morning: Windows have forcibly rebooted to install an update and shut everything down.

inb4 install Linux; No, I can not. Windows is company policy and I am required to use shit that is only designed for Windows.

Microsoft Teams can burn.

Their latest feature ? Well, turns out that when I get notifications on mobile that I do not get on desktop BECAUSE I AM FUCKING INTERACTING WITH THE CHAT OR CHANNEL THAT SENDS ME MOBILE NOTIFICATION, the notifications do not clear themselves. Oh, no, that would be too smart.

So EACH FUCKING EVENING I sit and browse all the fucking notifications to see if there is anything noteworthy I need to act on, or if it is a dead notification from earlier today.

Dear Lord, Microsoft are fucking experts at TAKE A WORKING FEATURE AND BRAKE IT.

Next year I will strive to achieve the best test coverage on all our components and design all our new features using best-practice agile methodology with a realtime user involvement.

Reverend on 7 January: Fuck that, we need to ship this shit to production now.

Microsoft Teams can burn.

Who the fuck thought it would be an excellent workflow, when you want to COLLABORATE IN TEAMS between users in different domains, that each sorry bastard needs to manually log in to a second Teams tenant and loose all the context from their main Teams tenant !?

On random occasions the fucking authentication token expires. I send messages to my team mate in another domain. Three days later I am pissed off because they don't answer. It turns out their authentication token has expired so when they are on their main tenant they don't get any notifications before they manually log in to our tenant as a guest. HOW FUCKING GREAT IS THAT AS A NOTIFICATION SYSTEM ??!

Would it be that fucking difficult to maintain a notification bar with all tenants and note with an exclamation mark or something REALLY FUCKING SIMPLE to hint about an expired token ? It's not like this is magic, Slack does it already.

FUCK !

Every. Standup meeting. Ever.

Don't people learn the basics of how things work anymore ?!

I am cleaning this project, where some juniors have implemente a lot of the code.

Apparently, the way of deleting an entity from the database is:

1) SELECT the entire row and cast it to a model class

2) CONVERT that model class to a DTO class

3) READ the Id property from the DTO class

4) SELECT the entire row, again, and this time cast it to a DTO class

5) CONVERT that DTO class to a model class

6) Use you pancy-pants ORM delete method using the entire model class as input argument..

FUCK YOU !

inb4 what about reference checks ?
- Nope. That is done separately using only the Id

inb4 what about checking if someone else has altered it before deleting
- Nope, the entire entity is not used for that either.

When you chop down a tree it does not magically levitate because you misconfigured the chainsaw.

Lumberjack or carpenter would be a good life for me. Just being able to do something with physical consequences.

Silently change all the coffee to decaf

Leaving an intentional compiler error on Friday so I know where to continue on Monday.

Now I have a compiler error and not a fucking clue of what I'm supposed to do with it.

React is an overengineered pile of shit designed to let pretentious developers show of their golden arse holes with useless implentations of worthless business cases where everything and anything is an abstraction of some silly theory.

I was assigned a new project today. Lead developer left for two weeks of vacation last Thursday. Project lead is assigned full time on another project from tomorrow.

Tasks exist but they do only described with headlines the areas of the application.

A specification does not exist. I have a graphic prototype.

The project is not complete and already well beyond estimated work hours.

How is your Monday?

Honestly, nothing. I'm just a human. I know I will fail multiple times, over and over. I allow myself to do that, learning and taking precautions for each new failure.

Make Angular great again

I don't hate you today.

Does stackoverflow.com devs use stackoverflow.com to get their problems solved ? 🤔

Every fucking time I install a new npm package

npm WARN deprecated core-js@2.5.7: core-js@<3.0 is no longer maintained and not recommended for usage due to the number of issues. Please, upgrade your dependencies to the actual version of core-js@3.
npm WARN deprecated fsevents@1.2.9: One of your dependencies needs to upgrade to fsevents v2: 1) Proper nodejs v10+ support 2) No more fetching binaries from AWS, smaller package size
npm WARN deprecated gulp-util@3.0.8: gulp-util is deprecated - replace it, following the guidelines at https://medium.com/gulpjs/...
npm WARN deprecated browserslist@2.11.3: Browserslist 2 could fail on reading Browserslist >3.0 config used in other tools.
npm WARN deprecated domelementtype@1.3.0: update to domelementtype@1.3.1
npm WARN deprecated circular-json@0.3.3: CircularJSON is in maintenance only, flatted is its successor.
npm WARN deprecated flatten@1.0.2: I wrote this module a very long time ago; you should use something else.

Coding is like handwriting.

Code review is about having a common understanding of the big picture and ensure be features follow the general architecture and process flow.

Code review is not about nitpicking on FUCKING TRAILING WHITEFUCKINGSPACES , lower case vs upper case SQL statements, extra empty lines AND EVERY FUCKING MINOR DETAIL you can imagine

/me doing the 23rd revision of a PR because my colleague reviewing it comments on every imaginable way his opinion of code standards differ from mine:

git commit -m "."

Split everything into small tasks, no longer than two days of work

Use Fibonacci numbers, 1-2-3-5-8-13

A highly effective developer will produce about 80% of a work day. If you think a task is done within a day add 25% and your estimate is ten. Remember that we use Fibonacci and round up to 13.

When I say NO.

Why are Mexican IT projects so expensive? ... Because there are only Señor Consultants available 😂

My company uses SVN so I cry every time I see a git joke

Wife: what are you thinking about?

Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree

Wife: forget that I asked

So tired of app developers localizing app information with Google Translate. Use a real person that can READ AND WRITE IN THE FUCKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE or scrap the entire translation and do marketing in English. And Google? Why the fuck do you allow people to embarrass themselves by providing machine translated SHIT in the Store Listing options?

Some gems found on Google Play Store, translated from Norwegian to English the way I as Norwegian interpret them.

Reddit: Reddit is a collection of bank interest rate society: cats, piks, politics and more.

eBay: Offer, to buy, to sell. Turn pages offering and save on clothes Sjoeping, used cars and more

Huuuge Casino: New social castls and casino a sensation! Now play FREE!

And finally, devRant 😂: Social networks to get a contact with other developers than funny qalz about tekk.

I write JavaScript and C#. Like an author. Now and then I send my work for review so it can be published.... If I start telling people that instead of saying I am a developer maybe they will stop nagging me about their printers and shitty malware-loaded computers.

Slap other people in the face via internet.

Half-Life 3

Me: "Showtime!"
Windows: "LOL, NOPE!"

The irony in this rant is that I just installed Linux in a dualboot environment and was eager to start setting up the new OS. For some reason, Grub was not recognized and Windows started automatically... 😥