Every. Standup meeting. Ever.

Don't people learn the basics of how things work anymore ?!

I am cleaning this project, where some juniors have implemente a lot of the code.

Apparently, the way of deleting an entity from the database is:

1) SELECT the entire row and cast it to a model class

2) CONVERT that model class to a DTO class

3) READ the Id property from the DTO class

4) SELECT the entire row, again, and this time cast it to a DTO class

5) CONVERT that DTO class to a model class

6) Use you pancy-pants ORM delete method using the entire model class as input argument..

FUCK YOU !

inb4 what about reference checks ?
- Nope. That is done separately using only the Id

inb4 what about checking if someone else has altered it before deleting
- Nope, the entire entity is not used for that either.

When you chop down a tree it does not magically levitate because you misconfigured the chainsaw.

Lumberjack or carpenter would be a good life for me. Just being able to do something with physical consequences.

Silently change all the coffee to decaf

Leaving an intentional compiler error on Friday so I know where to continue on Monday.

Now I have a compiler error and not a fucking clue of what I'm supposed to do with it.

React is an overengineered pile of shit designed to let pretentious developers show of their golden arse holes with useless implentations of worthless business cases where everything and anything is an abstraction of some silly theory.

I was assigned a new project today. Lead developer left for two weeks of vacation last Thursday. Project lead is assigned full time on another project from tomorrow.

Tasks exist but they do only described with headlines the areas of the application.

A specification does not exist. I have a graphic prototype.

The project is not complete and already well beyond estimated work hours.

How is your Monday?

Honestly, nothing. I'm just a human. I know I will fail multiple times, over and over. I allow myself to do that, learning and taking precautions for each new failure.

Make Angular great again

I don't hate you today.

Does stackoverflow.com devs use stackoverflow.com to get their problems solved ? 🤔

Every fucking time I install a new npm package

npm WARN deprecated core-js@2.5.7: core-js@<3.0 is no longer maintained and not recommended for usage due to the number of issues. Please, upgrade your dependencies to the actual version of core-js@3.
npm WARN deprecated fsevents@1.2.9: One of your dependencies needs to upgrade to fsevents v2: 1) Proper nodejs v10+ support 2) No more fetching binaries from AWS, smaller package size
npm WARN deprecated gulp-util@3.0.8: gulp-util is deprecated - replace it, following the guidelines at https://medium.com/gulpjs/...
npm WARN deprecated browserslist@2.11.3: Browserslist 2 could fail on reading Browserslist >3.0 config used in other tools.
npm WARN deprecated domelementtype@1.3.0: update to domelementtype@1.3.1
npm WARN deprecated circular-json@0.3.3: CircularJSON is in maintenance only, flatted is its successor.
npm WARN deprecated flatten@1.0.2: I wrote this module a very long time ago; you should use something else.

Coding is like handwriting.

Code review is about having a common understanding of the big picture and ensure be features follow the general architecture and process flow.

Code review is not about nitpicking on FUCKING TRAILING WHITEFUCKINGSPACES , lower case vs upper case SQL statements, extra empty lines AND EVERY FUCKING MINOR DETAIL you can imagine

/me doing the 23rd revision of a PR because my colleague reviewing it comments on every imaginable way his opinion of code standards differ from mine:

git commit -m "."

Split everything into small tasks, no longer than two days of work

Use Fibonacci numbers, 1-2-3-5-8-13

A highly effective developer will produce about 80% of a work day. If you think a task is done within a day add 25% and your estimate is ten. Remember that we use Fibonacci and round up to 13.

When I say NO.

Why are Mexican IT projects so expensive? ... Because there are only Señor Consultants available 😂

My company uses SVN so I cry every time I see a git joke

Wife: what are you thinking about?

Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree

Wife: forget that I asked

So tired of app developers localizing app information with Google Translate. Use a real person that can READ AND WRITE IN THE FUCKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE or scrap the entire translation and do marketing in English. And Google? Why the fuck do you allow people to embarrass themselves by providing machine translated SHIT in the Store Listing options?

Some gems found on Google Play Store, translated from Norwegian to English the way I as Norwegian interpret them.

Reddit: Reddit is a collection of bank interest rate society: cats, piks, politics and more.

eBay: Offer, to buy, to sell. Turn pages offering and save on clothes Sjoeping, used cars and more

Huuuge Casino: New social castls and casino a sensation! Now play FREE!

And finally, devRant 😂: Social networks to get a contact with other developers than funny qalz about tekk.

I write JavaScript and C#. Like an author. Now and then I send my work for review so it can be published.... If I start telling people that instead of saying I am a developer maybe they will stop nagging me about their printers and shitty malware-loaded computers.

Slap other people in the face via internet.

Half-Life 3

Me: "Showtime!"
Windows: "LOL, NOPE!"

The irony in this rant is that I just installed Linux in a dualboot environment and was eager to start setting up the new OS. For some reason, Grub was not recognized and Windows started automatically... 😥

My love/hate relationship with Visual Studio

Wife asks me to peel potatoes. I know I am expected to peel potatoes AND carrots but I don't operate by that logic and if I did I would feel dirty inside

A thread of emails is NOT a specification.

Accidentally moving a file and reverting the change while the file was in use in Bash for Windows. Now I have a file even the sole Administrator (me) does not have access to delete...

I have a screenshot(!) of data I am supposed to import into a database... Visible in the screenshot is also A FUCKING BUTTON THAT SAYS "EXPORT TO EXCEL" !!! 👿

I've always been creative; drawing, instruments, building stuff... Programming was just another way to express myself.