7 years of innovation and best design teams on the planet... can you tell the difference?

I know I should not be naming names but WalmartLabs Hackfest 2016 was actually a fuckfest. It was supposed to be a 14 day online hackathon followed by an offline event for top teams. I got in top 6 among the 4350 participants.

In the offline event:

1. They didn't allow us to give live demo of the project. Instead they asked us to present a ppt. The HR idiot even asked me to take screenshots of my cli app and put that in instead.

2. 4 out of the 6 teams actually presented their startup products. It was supposed to be a 14 day hackathon for fucks sake. How can you present some shit that you were working on for the last 1.5 years! This one team literally had "Copyright 2015" mentioned on their product page. This another team had 100,000+ downloads on his app already. Of course Walmart didn't care about it. They didn't listen to my complaint. I wish I had created a scene there :( Another team was boasting on stage about how they got selected in the FB startup accelerator and how they won 3 more hackathon (evidently equally shit) using their shit. This was met with praises from the judges.

3. The results were declared after 3 fucking months! Don't organize this shit next time if you don't have any interest, bitch.

4. The code was supposedly never checked. Other teams kept working on their shit for the 3 months in between. In the live presentation, this guy even had photoshopped a feature which wasn't even present there (and he boasted about it later on).

5. Hackerearth (platform for the hackathon) was equally incompetent in this mishap of a hackathon. One of the teams which won had one the previous hackathon (Pluralsight hackathon) as well on Hackerearth using the same fucking product. What pieces of shit >.<

6. The hackathon was supposed to be tech based and all the categories were like that. Instead the teams presented business models and shit like that and judges focused more on that. They were not concerned about the technical aspects at all. The more noise you made, the more lies you told, the better chance you had to win it.

7. They were supposed to give prizes in 4 categories but silently reduced it to 3 on the event day. They still publicised it as 4 prizes until now.

All of the above is true and I am willing to testify if someone asks for it. I am going to write a nice blog post about it and post it to their idiot HR.

Hackathon: WalmartLabs Hackfest 2016
Team name: psyduck (which is just me)

Sorry for being too salty but it was indeed a fuckfest.

C: application not working
Me: k. What changed?
C: we didn't make changes
Me: k... *gets a tech team (W) on the phone*
W: Hey, what's broken?
Me: C's application. How do things look?
W: running healthy. I'll check logs.
Me: thanks. *gets tech team (S) on the line*
S: hey, everything clear on our end, will check logs.
Me: thanks *gets tech team (U)*
U: hey! They asked us to deploy their new version today during normal deployment time. Is it acting up?
Me: C, what did you change?
C: nothing major, just how we connect to W and S...
W&S: are you shitting me???
Me: U, will you please roll it back?
C: no! Must stay on this version, you need to fix your side!!
Me: nope. *calls U boss (UG)*
UG: U, you have my permission to roll back, they need to fix. C, if your boss doesn't like it, have them call me.
*rollback fixes problem*

IF I FUCKING ASK YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU CHANGED, YOU BETTER TELL ME THE TRUTH, OR I WILL STRIP YOUR CODE OFF OUR FUCKING SYSTEMS AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT. MY JOB IS TO HELP YOU AND YOU NEED TO BACK TO FUCK UP AND NOT GET IN THE WAY OF MY JOB OR YOU WON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE.

Watched the Winter Olympics opening ceremony where they have 1200 drones flying in unison to make amazing shapes in the sky with lights. Truly astonishing. It took a large team weeks / months to prepare.

BBC commentator “wow that must have taken someone hours”

Fuck you you dumb fuck ignorant cunt. It’s oxygen thiefs like you that put so much pressure on dev teams to do monumental tasks in ridiculous amounts of time.

If you don’t understand what you’re talking about then don’t talk!

Git makes it easy to search through historical changes they said. Git is amazing when working in teams they said.

It sure is.

If your coworkers do not commit every time they burp or fart, do not use "🚀" or "✨" or "fix" as a commit message, and do not push all their shitty experimental broken branches without cleaning up.

I'm surprised there are no piles of fecal matter behind their desk chairs.

We have new scrum master. First meeting together.

Project owner:
- I would give them time to wensday (2 days away) days to do migration
Manager:
- delivery is in Tuesday. can we have two teams to work on it so it will be done twice as fast?
Scrum Master:
- do you really think that if you get 9 women pregnant they would deliver you baby in a month?

This is why I love working where I work. I worked extra hours until 9pm to get an ITest environment ready for one of my customer teams. I came in this morning to a little prezzie and a thank you card signed by the entire customer team. This is what awesome culture looks like.

*only developer at firm and client comes in to discuss building a website on a 4k budget*

"Ok but eBay does it, cant you just do it like eBay?"

Oh eBay who has teams of developers....and a huge budget to afford these developers.....that eBay?

No matter how much we complain about our programming language, our bosses, our co-workers, our teams, or anything else....

We'll never trade our Profession (coding) for any other job in the World.
That's How We Roll.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Spent most of the day debugging issues with a new release. Logging tool was saying we were getting HTTP 400’s and 500’s from the backend. Couldn’t figure it out.

Eventually found the backend sometimes sends down successful responses but with statusCode 500 for no reason what so ever. Got so annoyed ... but said the 400’s must be us so can’t blame them for everything.

Turns out backend also sometimes does the opposite. Sends down errors with HTTP 200’s. A junior app Dev was apparently so annoyed that backend wouldn’t fix it, that he wrote code to parse the response, if it contained an error, re-wrote the statusCode to 400 and then passed the response up to the next layer. He never documented it before he left.

Saving the best part for last. Backend says their code is fine, it must be one of the other layers (load balancers, proxies etc) managed by one of the other teams in the company ... we didn’t contact any of these teams, no no no, that would require effort. No we’ve just blamed them privately and that’s that.

#successfulRelease

Other teams in my company are working with Angular 4 and NodeJS and my team is here working with JSF and Java 1.5.

Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares but for development companies/teams. Please make it happen.

More robots have arrived! (Teams 5024 and 6856)

Conveniently, one of our robots is putting out smoke and the other has a bunch of broken sensors.

It would be fun to answer "myself", but I'm a terrible boss.

As a freelancer you're also helpdesk, finance and marketing of your own little company, and I'm horrible at those things.

My current boss lets me boss myself within the company, while I still get to enjoy the luxuries of company life — completely shielded from annoying questions, with a stable predictable income.

I do believe that's the optimal structure: Hire people who can manage themselves, and have a drive to improve the company with minimal oversight.

Don't have true "bosses" at all, just some people who are good at bridging communication gaps between the islands of self-reliant teams.

You know what would be a great project? A reality TV show, like "Hell's Kitchen" or "Bar Rescue", but instead we come to companies and help their development teams. 😛

We have completed our robotics competition in 6th alliance out of almost 200 teams!

Thank you guys for the wishes of good luck and the encouragement!

We are most likely moving straight into offseason due to us currently sitting 1 point short of progressing to the final competition.

Although we most likely will not progress, I can guarantee that some amazing projects will come out of our new found free time.

I recommend keeping an eye on the comments, as I will be posting an update on our standings and our future once scores are finalized.

And, good luck to all other FRC members here!

Bus-Factor: A new metric to describe how well kowledge is distributed among the team members by calculating how many of your team members can be run over by a bus without killing your project!

Just spoke with another teams developer. (She's using Java)

Her: so we get a json object from your service, I want an array
Me: well that's not what you said in the specs... And it's not hard since it's just a Map
Her: what Map? It's JSonObject I need an Array
Me: give me the library your using..
Her: here...

I Google the documentation and methods and paste the link and the methods to use:

-length (she also wanted count)
-toJsonArray

This ain't JS, just use the . operator and go thru all the methods' docs... Or learn to use Google

My workstation at incubation center, where i am currently incubated.
Finally got multi-screen desktop. Though monitors are prone to theft by other teams

bNEST, Bhopal

PS - Laptop is for gaming

Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm, with toilet breaks, snack breaks and a three hour nap on Sunday morning. Roughly 44 hours. It was a hackathon, Nov 2016. My team came in fourth place and the first three teams went to Germany!

Well, I got a well paying attachment from it so it didn't go all to waste.

Me and my laptop then...

How I feel working with code that's been worked on by at least three different teams at three different companies over the past couple of years and not a single person has left any comments or documentation.

In college, teacher teams us with other guy,
I tell him to do backend coding in JS
He says: Dude, What is JS?

Fu*k

Slack: A tool for teams to collaborate and work efficiently

Instead

Slack: A way to share memes at work

Advice... Don't open slack at work 😂

Asked my boss if I could get a promotion... He said I will get the job I deserve and make me CNEO.
When I asked what this is about, he said "Chief Nullpointer Exception Officer"....

Project coordinator blames our team because client said we failed to "align" with other teams.

Coordinator.
Project. Coordinator.

What the actual fuck.

One thing I did notice and idk if the stereotype applies accross the field, but the three teams this company has is a C# team, a PHP team, and a JavaScript/React team.

The C# programmers reminded me of brogrammers, buff, highly manicured bros, the PHP developers, myself included were disheveled, socially awkward, almost looked like burned out, unfit middle aged dudes, the JavaScript devs were all very young, hip, using all the industry key words.

Just thought it was funny the differences in these teams. If you did a line up of them us PHP developers world definitely be pegged first to die of a heart attack or stress.

When I get back I'll def have to take a pic, it's really priceless.

Group projects in computer science usually go like this for me:

Me: Want to be in a Group?

Group member: sure

Me: okay, we can discuss the project and start coding some stuff tomorrow

Group member: I don't have a laptop, won't get one till two weeks

Me: -_-

Also me: fuck off

TL;DR: a good friend recently finished building an electric car from scratch with a team and I bought him a C++ devDuck as a congratulations gift!

one of my best friends recently presented at my colleges capstone rollout, and his teams project was to literally BUILD AN ELECTRIC CAR FROM SCRATCH. all the circuits and everything, designed from scratch, and nobody else on the team was very good at software, so he pretty much wrote the software himself. I just ordered him a C++ devDuck as a congratulations gift!

We use MS Teams and I started a new team for the contract renewal. My preference was to continue with the old one for files and searching. I am the “owner” and the PM is the “owner”. Everyone else is a “member”. Owner means admin. The executive sees that she is a mere member and demands the PM add her as an owner. He makes her an owner. Then she decides that she outranks is and should be the only owner. We discover this because we can’t on-board a new person on the team or configure build notifications or GitHub code review notifications.
Basically the executive has stopped the team from using Teams because her ego tells her that she is the one true “owner.”

Ours teams rubberduck family.

I asked my manager for a compensation adjustment today since my peers at the same tenure and experience as me were making $30,000 more than me. They said no since I haven't worked on any big projects yet and the projects that were big enough, I didn't do it by myself so they don't count.

I'm not sure if they know how software teams work... I'm pretty sure we make software for TEAMs...

Just started my new job.

Poorly defined requirements ✅
Expecting things to be done yesterday ✅
Poorly managed teams ✅
Terrible legacy code ✅
Half the development team is offshore ✅

Maybe I’m just selfish, but I need to work in an environment that has the following

A good technology stack.
A competent manager/team leader.
Competent colleagues.
Clearly defined documentation.
A proper onboarding process.

Why is this so difficult to find in organisations?

About to walk into a second round job interview. It will take my commute from an hour and a half to 15 minutes, be a much larger scale company and teams, with actual schedules and communication. I might actually cry if I get it.

Can anybody explain why a chat app needs almost as much memory as full blown IDE

When you can't figure out where you are supposed to add your code in the teams massive android spaghetti codebase. So you just add logs to every function that might be related to track down the function you need.

Do not hire a team of full stack developers such that the entire teams' core competency is back-end development and then wonder why they can't hurry the fuck up to design and build usable, device-friendly interfaces.

Hire a damned front-end dev.

FOR FUCKS SAKE, CLEAN YOUR KEYBOARD!

Today we had some presentations on a class, I was near the projector, so I volunteered to control the presentation flow.

Fast forward three teams, arrives this guy, lets his laptop and and I open it... SMELLS, FUCKING SMELLS BAD. Add to that grease and dirt all over the keyboard... I just pressed the right arrow key with the bare tip of my finger...

It's not that hard to keep your workstation clean. Most of all, odourless.

One of our dev teams has a tradition: after each post-sprint review one of the devs tells a wood joke. The lamer, the better.

So far the winner is:

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before Robin got in the car?
A: Robin, get in the car

It's so dumb it's actually somehow even funny :)

I always hated those challenges...

Okay, this is me panicking. We're switching to Microsoft Teams at work. This means that I will have to cut the Slack and switch to a fucking Microsoft solution for chat. Am I supposed to be worried?

Spend 14 hours a week studying more with my free time.

Things to be studied:

-discrete math
-data structures
-algorithms
-coding challenges
-problem defining
-abstraction
-other relevant maths

Other things I want to improve:

-confidence at work
-reaching out to teams with questions
-social skills
-time management
-enjoying the little things
-patience
-consistency (with everything above)

Last big thing would be being more conscious with what type of data/platforms I am digesting everyday. Just like a good diet I want to get in the habit of consuming “good” useful content that’s thought provoking or knowable rather than fast food social media carbs

Wish everyone a productive New Year!

There's so many posts on here that say fuck apple or Microsoft only real programmers or computer users run Linux. Maybe step back and reflect why these companies got big. Maybe the programmers in their development teams are actually good. Maybe variety and competition and different focuses is good for us and consumers.

So a company I'm working at has this internal product. I just got employed and was put into that team.

"First task: refactor some of the code"

Alright, I start refactoring. Oh I may need to write a small class for this one. And then rewrite this a bit. And then rewrite that a bit. And then rewrite everything.

"Why are you rewriting most of my code?"

oh i would not have needed to do so if your code was not COMING OUT OF YOUR ASS and if all the teams had FREAKING PROPER API DOCUMENTATION

This was found when one of my teams old workstations was being pulled apart. Can't tell if genius or lazy.

1. Scripting out a team. I've built a collection of bash scripts to do what one of our teams does. Except the script does it in 30min and always does it well where that team used to take 4 to 10 hours and almost always missed something in the way.

2. Automate 70-80% of our BAU tasks with a single >4k loc bash script. Integrations with servicenow, lots of internal portals, predefined huge sets of commands to run on separate servers or lists of servers, do all sorts of diagnostics, schedule hw maintenance for DC folks, chase for approvals, track CHNG/CTSK tickets in a graphical chart so we would not miss any of them and lots lots more.
Finally we were able to afford time to make some coffee/tea.

These are the bau optimizations I'm proud of the most. And they have made significant impact on how our teams operate.

Whoever recognizes both company values in the tags and know what is that company - are they still using ´S´ in unix team? :)

Seeing there are many people (including me) that cant acces the hackathot, I thitk, it would be nice if we as community could hold an unoficial remote hackathon.

My ideas:

-5 days to code
-github / skype
-chess engines which have to compete eachothers to find the winner
-5 teams
-should be compatible with windows, linex, mac (either an interpreted language or different recompiled versions)

Tell me what you think in the comments

Fond this gem in teams code;
Var temp = "",
Var tmp = "",
Var tmp2 = "",
Var tmpIDK = "";
Asked the creator only 4 hours after the commit what his code does. The answer; I have no idea, but it works, don't touch it.

Things like that just don't happen on Linux...

Why can't I kill Microsoft Teams when it's frozen!? WTF Microsoft? This software is so lacking I can't even...

I used to work in a company with such a high bus factor that we called "teams" composed of a single people "immortal" like in the movie "highlanders" because of the fact they could not be fired since they were the only people to know how their project works. We went through hard times for the company when several of the immortals resigned one by one. Each time one of us left premises on his last day, we played the song "Princes of the Universe" very loud on the office. I was the last and I left four months ago.

My favorite thing is my nerf gun. In my office different teams are organized in different pods. You never know when a war will break out between the teams, you need to be able to defend yourself! Also not bad for getting someone's attention who has headphones on...

Fun with MS Teams 😂

Focusing. I'm part of two teams that use slack, office 365, email, jira, and Trello to communicate simultaneously. I'm expected to respond to urgent messages--so I'm in productivity-killing notification hell and it's really taking a toll. :(

Tip for implementing scrum in non-software development teams:

1. Cry

The whole Microsoft office suite is being rewritten in React.js

This. Is. Not. A. Joke.

This also includes Skype, Ms teams, all office programs on all platforms, AND, VS Code....

Guys, we have trully peaked... gg....

I'm here to tell you the best way to learn anything about programming:
- Be 17
- Have a lot of projects to do (if it needs to use frameworks, better)
- Have the worse team
- Internet and a lot of free time to check documentation
PD: I hate teams

In the past, we used skype, hipchat, slack and now ... Microsoft Teams. What a tool.

Yes Teams, it makes total sense to tell me that my message is too long. I totally get it that you want me to rewrite my message and yes Teams, I should have rather attached it as a file to my message to begin with. Yes Teams, I wait for you to finish uploading those files before I can send the message. I'm sure there would be disastrous consequences if you send the message with my attached files as soon as you finished uploading. I don't even want to be productive. Thanks for helping me out.

Teams do not scale linearly

Is sort of surreal. Going to a company that actually has teams, development cycles, QA department, code review, I feel like I've been winging it the last few years. Now I get to see where I really stand in the pecking order. But anxiety is definitely high. As soon as background check completes beginning of next week, will be submitting my resignation and heading west.

I swear I could sell my layout debugging to sports teams and colleges and cities stuff, they could use them as flags!

My company has about 6 devs divided into 2 teams, 3 mobile devs and 3 web devs. One day, a guy suggest us adopting daily stand-ups to know what everyone's working on. I guess our subscription for Jira is now useless.

Personally, as a bad employee, I usually come in 5-10 minutes after everyone, so I missed most of the stand-ups. It's boring, it's just people stand in circle and say what they did yesterday.

I ended up created a slack bot to post a message at a previous defined time to say what I did yesterday to the team. Jira | Trello | Pivotal Tracker are born for a reason guys...

I hate Skype for Business with a passion. It's the most garbage useless chat program imaginable. It can barely send basic text chats without throwing an error, and it can almost never send an image without the upload failing. The fact that it can't even save conversation history for each of your chats within Skype is ridiculous -- it fucking saves the conversation as an email draft in Outlook. Come on Microsoft, why do I have to open a completely separate program to view conversation history?! Skype conversation history should be saved IN SKYPE! Fucking AIM was able to save conversation history. I've tried multiple times to get the company to move to Slack or Teams, and for some reason they think that Skype is a good program and they ignore the fact that it's completely useless. It's 2019, why are we using a program that's built like it's 2009? I swear they haven't updated Skype at all in the last decade

So guys, for those of you that know what a burn down chart is, this is my teams, aka Front-end ONLY for end of March.

Today I learned that the my new teams choice to use a mostly undocumented/unused framework over a well known/documented one was decided by a coin toss.

I once saved lives sending cpr teams to heart attack victims through an sms gateway platform.

This was amazing considering it was back in 2008 ;)

Does anyone want to take this stupid exam for me? I keep missing it on practice exams by 1 question. I'm sad. I know if i gave a damn about this material, i could do it. But i don't give a damn. It's required for my current position but I'm about to switch teams in a few months and will no longer need it.

I definitly need my own wifi...

36.63% of the respondents said they’re not planning to use any new programming languages in the coming 12 months.

But, 18.15% of them said they’re planning to use Python, while 16.83% said they’re planning to use Go, followed by JavaScript with 16.17%.

What about the tools?

Honestly, this was the hardest part of the report since it required very thorough data cleaning, and it turns out developer teams use a wide variety of tools, especially when it comes to testing and project management.

When you are a mobile developer and your company has only 3 android devices shared between Mobile, Testing and Design teams :|

And all teams fight for the device time

What the fuckin fuck..

Slack is scared as hell about Microsoft Teams that is targeted to enterprise customers.

Did you hear about the full page newspapar ad they did?... Passive aggressive move by slack

Had to program an entire ecommerce site for both a city soccer league and baseball league. Around 50 teams each. No planning or anything beforehand. They gave me around 4 days to complete the project. Once everything was squared away, of course they complained and said that half of the teams were wrong. So I had to stay until around 11 pm in the office fixing everything that Friday night. Of course everyone said it was my fault. I blame it on the lack of planning.

Motivating and helping each other by forming small teams/pairs of devs who look after each other. No one likes to code alone

It's almost time to go off to another FIRST robotics competition!

Good luck to all the other teams and extra good luck (is that even a thing?) To the teams competing in a week 4 event!

In the meantime, I will be spending my last day in <city name> working on some auto code with @hyperlisk

libFRC - A collection of libraries and tools for FIRST robotics teams

On call at 2100. Call at 2101. Co-worker off at 2100, call at 2059. Neither were problems with our infrastructure. They were with the callers' teams fucking up.

I used to work on a production management team, whose job was, among other things, safeguarding access to production. Dev teams would send us requests all the time to, "run a quick SQL script."

Invariably, the SQL would include, "SELECT * FROM db_config."

We would push the tickets back, and the devs would call us, enraged. I learned pretty quickly that they didn't have any real interest in dev, test, or staging environments, and just wanted to do everything in prod, and see if it works.

But they would give up their protests pretty fast when I offered to let them speak to a manager when they were upset I wouldn't run their SQL.

In one of my teams there was this non-IT girl.
One morning, she asks out loud:
G - Can I run a Json?
Me - Wait! What are you trying to do?
G - I need to deploy my changes into the Dev server.

Suddently I realized what she meant.
Me- It's Jenkins! Not Json. :D

A delicious Sprint Planning 😋

It was a hard sprint (SCRUM methodology), but finally we were on our next’s sprint planning meeting. We had a lot of tasks to define and estimate. For the first one, we all estimated the task with 5 points, and for the second one we voted for 3 points. We were coordinated XD so, our boss said “let’s do something, if all of you vote, let’s say, 5, and another votes for a different number, he or she’s gonna buy us a six pack of beer”. Challenge accepted.

Two partners and I have to buy beers for this friday after work 😂 I don’t even mad 😋🍻

I try to convince my boss to choose Slack and not Microsoft teams.
What's your opinion on these apps ?

Me: This is going to be a big issue

*Crickets*

Me: (X10) Raise same issue

*Crickets*

Suddenly my Friday starts with two teams going "HEY THIS IS AN ISSUE!"

Me: No shit? I never would have guessed. See you when I get back from vacation!

* No raise after one year, even that I don't earn that much
* Working in the oldest project
* Everyday I have to make quick fixes, usually requested by leader
* No spare time to rewrite shitty code - always something have higher priority (like doing some tasks that I shouldn't do, just because I had no tasks for next sprint)
* Got feedback from leader that I "hack" too much instead of writing code properly (see third dot)
* Every company around pays more and have more up-to-date stack
* The only guy that wanted to change stuff and use more generic approaches from other teams just threw resignation paper

On the nth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me:

1 misconfigured autoscaling group
200 unnecessary servers
29 urgent emails
3 support teams that would have fixed the problem in an hour of anybody had bothered going to them first

Ugh. Idiots. Somehow the whole issue was caused by a single full hard disk, which caused database transactions to fail, which caused the group to scale out and spin up new instances, which didn't actually fix the problem so it kept scaling until it hit the limit and then continuously failed to create new instances for several hours straight, generating loads of notification emails and generally causing problems for everyone involved.

Full Stack Teams vs. Fool Stack Teams

> Get told my teams​ products don't work
> I say file a ticket so we know and can assist
> No tickets filed after 4 weeks,
> Team still complains my teams products don't work

Who else has mindless complainers?

What the fuck Microsoft !! Your android apps are total piece of shit! Fucking outlook Android app don't have support to view doc file which is created using your shitty Microsoft teams portal.

If I click on that doc file link through my outlook app, you redirect me to chrome.
Ok that's still acceptable. But the real shit starts now. You tell me that your browser isn't supported! Is this fucking joke?? Who in the world develops a website which can't support latest version of Android chrome?
Now that I have installed your shitty Microsoft teams app, it doesn't show up in "open with" options. Clicking on that link is still redirecting to the chrome saying that browser is unsupported.

Also, your shitty Microsoft teams app can't edit fucking doc file. When I click on your Microsoft word icon, You again ask me to install Android app for Microsoft word.
Seriously fuck you Microsoft and your shitty apps!

Big-time Microsoft fan who claims they've been using licensed versions of Windows since Windows 3.0. Still has all old versions of Windows on different machines / hard-disks. They use only Microsoft Surface devices. They still use Nokia Lumia (with Windows Phone 10). They were working with an organization that used Office365 for enterprise email and collaboration. They used Microsoft Teams for team collaboration when the rest of the organization was comfortable with Atlassian tools like jira, confluence and bitbucket.

One fine day, news spreads that the organization is moving into GSuite for enterprise email and collaboration. They are devastated. They quit citing personal and family reasons, but we knew the real reason.

Program manager who handles scrum of scrums asked our scrum master to slow down. Our velocity and quality is making other teams look bad...
The problem is, no one from other team wants to learn anything from us on automation/cicd. They are good even though manual.

Not sure what to do. Biz is happy with us...

Freaking love it when devs from other teams work on you code base and implement components you already have ... Don't talk to each other, just submit your awsome code and leave a mess behind. But OK ... Just a simple click on Pull Request -> Denied!

As it turns out, of all the teams from my school that have been at the classic Catalysts Coding Contests on Nov 16th, the one I was in turned out to be the best. That's cool I guess.

Becoming a Project Manager, I've always liked to manage projects and teams. But first of, graduate. Then climb the ladder

When your team lead changes jobs leaving you the only developer on your "team"

I'm writing a book that teaches everything I have learned in the past 20 years about writing small niche software and selling it.

Need some help from my fellow DevRanters.
Anyone who comments here with something constructive gets a free copy when it's done.

When I say:
"Why don't you just write your own software and sell it to end users"

What is the first thing that pops into your head?

Is it "I don't know how to advertise"
or
"that's a pipe dream"
or
"I tried starting my own business, but _______"
or
"I am doing that, i have this side project "
(how long have you spent on that side project?)

I need to know all your concerns questions fears, skepticism etc around the idea of writing your OWN software.

After 20 years I have like, so much knowledge, but it's sometimes hard to get it all out, UNLESS someone has a question or concern, then, out it comes.

So, I'm going to (hopefully) collect all the questions here ... and answer them, and it'll help me out a lot to extract this knowledge.

A lot of stuff I do without even thinking and realizing all the years it took to even know that.

What would you like to know the most?

You have the skills, you have the know how, you can probably see it in your head, so what's stopping you from making the leap?

i *hate* when someone changes my code with out doing any of: asking first || commenting changes || telling me afterward.

How do you deal with team members who's not open to criticisms as a TL

Microsoft seems to get progressively worse every year. My work transitioned from google products (email, drive, chat) to Microsoft & it was a humungous step backwards. Everything crashes & doesn't save. Edge sucks. Windows 10 sucks. IE always sucked. Office 365 sucks. One drive sucks. MS Teams sucks. 😑

We where designing next generation of standard PC platform. In the project we wanted to have input from different teams, what was important to them and it was the representative from Human Resourse to speakup,
"I would like to have round bobbles", it took us a while to figure out that he wanted, he wanted to change the shape of all dialog boxes.......
HR has often strange ways if looking at things.

For a long time, I wanted to be a part of open source communities. I've been a dev for 6 years now.

I have the skills needed to help out but usually I'm fairly unexperienced on working with big teams, code reviews, and build-test systems they often use. So I'm scared as hell to even begin with. I feel unsecure to reach out and ask for helping or send a basic fix / pull-request.

What are your suggestions, how did you start working on open source projects?

Teach me senpai.

So this morning something wonderful happened. One of my teams deployed some cache for our API using Redis and they didn't config it!!!
So it's TROLL-time!!! And we have some really cool troll rules if you DOS the QA stack!! So if they resolve it in less than an hour they will only have to use a funny cap all day long (even for lunch) but if it takes more than 1 hour it will be a full cyclist outfit for the whole day (over their own cloth).

PS: if you ever use Redis don't mysql it (why config it? it'll work!!!), because Redis will murder your server!!!

When you are switching teams and seems like everyone in the firm knows your next project except for you..

Microsoft pls fix.

My company chose to use Microsoft Teams and uses various linux desktops.

Let's try Microsoft Teams.
A desktop app? Hell yeah. Let's try it.

Oh wait...

Microsoft delivers a Windows executable for linux users... Fuck

As a Dev in college working for teams in college, I don't really have a need to use git, since most of 'self proclaimed prestigious programmer child prodigies' I work with have no idea what it is; but I use it anyways as good programming practice and ease of backups.

So I tried using a GUI client after months of the git bash, and even though I looked up a few tutorials (was embarrassed the whole fucking time). I ended up adding, committing and pushing via bash.

Can anyone explain me how is the GUI client helpful in large projects and stuff?

So you have an organization that flirts with scrum and wants to be agile. You have non-crossfunctional teams who don't know what agile is. You have product owner who doesn't want to do backlog, but instead acts like project manager and asks for statuses and assigns tasks to peple. He wants the teams to find out what needs to be done and fill the backlog themselves - and then raport to him. You have business owers who noone knows who they are. You have project managers, who don't fit the whole scrum hierarchy. These project managers insist calling scrum masters "team leaders". Also these project managers think scrum is silly and don't want anything to do with it. And then you have higher program management that think this whole scum thing is better than sliced bread and everything is going just dandy!

Oh yeah, also highest organization management thinks that we are on the right track. We just need be more agile but less agile and work more efficiently whitout really saying, what the hell are we supposed to do.

Basically every day is like going to the zoo. Without the fun part.

I'm living in the twilight zone...
These people upload and download an entire directory of files from microsoft teams as their way of version control...

And what's worse they're dragging their feet on changing over to git/github

God save me

That moment when you have to take over another person's work (coding) , because they go on vacation.

Broken teams,
define Agile principles in 2 lines :

Take 2X to your velocity,
and work 80hours a week ;)

This one is for @Fast-Nop

Both a rant and a joke/meme.

Its also funny because its true. Couple of teams (team responsible for orders and team responsible for accounting) are in seclusion in a meeting room right now cleaning up the web team's screw up.

When you have to lock down #general in #slack because people cant be responsible.

Then get stuck making #bs-general and other #bs prefixed channels so that people know if they join them they will be annoyed.

Finally got my devRant Stickers!
Thanks David for fast delivery to Germany!
Hope you guys will remain successful!

-devRant rocks- 😎

I think they are afraid of me :)

Last time I pushed them harder than anyone ever did since their tools I have to rely on precisely were unstable. Now each time I ping their channel in Slack I get immediate ack responses from their manager and architects .

Nice :)

I don't like that my team and my company uses Skype as the messaging tool for teams. There are no code highlighting when I need to share code snippet to devs!

Musk's OpenAI beat the top professional Dota2 players in the World. That's pretty impressive. AI has a lot of potential for the future. BTW, any Dota2 players here? My son complains that he ends up on Teams that don't speak English. Dota2 can be modded. Imagine a mod that interfaces with Google Translate and does on the fly translation. Beyond my experience level. Way beyond.

I honestly don't understand people who genuinely believe formal schooling will cover all the basics they need to know to do a real-life job, and still get barely passing grades on all relevant subjects.

I genuinely don't understand people who copy GitHub projects to pass classes, and graduate from a university with goddamn StackOverflow instead of a brain.

Whom I understand even less are people who don't do anything major-related on their spare time.

I mean, change your fucking major, do what you actually like, do things that actually light your nuts with passion.

Please don't waste my time pretending you are in it not just because it's potentially well-paid and "cool".

Please don't waste my time being my coworker.

Yes, I'm looking at you, trendy wanker with a CS degree and no personal projects.

P.S. Junior here. Yes, I'm full of hatred for all the "real programmers" in the industry out there. I hoped for a better experience.

P.S.S. I mean absolutely no offense to people using either GitHub or StackOverflow outside of the aforementioned context.

A manager in the area, in an effort to “encourage” teams to meet their externally generated commitments before imposing mandatory extended hours, posted a chart showing Mt. Everest with weekly goals as stages up the mountain. First team to the top wins a $20 gift card. Looks just like this picture. Results will probably be similar.

3 teams pushing changes into my code branch, all of them with crazy amounts of errors. Why me?!

Who uses Cisco Webex Teams video conferencing? What's your opinion on webex?

Trying to get Pokemon Go running on iOS in Germany....
.... first time I regret not having an Android Phone 😫

Mmm. Uhmm...

Visual studio code, I do love you, but your bracket pair highlighting on html inside php files or html inside script tags (eg. Ng-template) is absolute dog shite and makes it impossible to use when you're refactoring markup written by somebody who's never heard of a coding standard or editorconfig.

I know it's probably not an easy thing to sort, some of your dev teams have posted some excellent insights into how it recognises syntax but literally every other editor out there has got this right.

When your PM is whining like a baby about resource issues surrounding developing new features when he/she already agreed one of the teams top priorities was getting "run the business" work done.

One of the colleagues I am close with is changing teams. They will still be around the company, in fact the office of the team they are going to is right by mine. It just sucks to lose a good developer and friend from the team.

Welcome to Microsoft Teams :)

Best: come up with best idea to real world problem.

Worst: lose to teams who used all the sensors in the kit.... Their system didn't even solve a problem.

Yesterday, my team had a react crash-course workshop.
It was like "you have to import a couple of libs, use 'em in different react elements you pull up and Tadaaaa! Magic is happening and your app works".
This workshop was the pinnacle of "intense".

I understood 60% of the stuff.
My team-mates about 15%.

So react is the front-end technology of choice after our architectural-team. The other teams have to use this the technology for their UIs.
This will be a lot of fun ^^

Got transferred on to a new team. The team I was on previously was successful, had great processes, and very smart people. New team was floundering, very late, no processes, and crotchety. Did my best with the (lack of) expectations and information given to me. No one gave me any feedback. Get called into a meeting to discuss my lack of performance and failure to meet goals. If I hadn't needed the money I would have walked out. Transferred teams a month later.

my first job is in a brand-new team, all team mate other than the manager are new grads from colleges. we r so engaged and dedicated our efforts to deliver something. and one day one of our team mate decided to resign due to family issues, we try our best throw him a farewell party, it is so emotional. now I have worked in a couple of teams, the spirit could not found after then.

So someone complained to my bosses boss about some internal page where I collected some of our own funny git commit messages, because they were not "meaningful", and I had to take down said page.

Fuck that narrow-minded seriousness, why be so German? If we have to debug multi-threaded C++ programs, we need that bit of fun and sarcasm to stay sane. But probably that someone is a member of some of these "professional" Agile teams that waste a day a week with fucking retros, sprint planning or other mind-crippling meta stuff, then evaluating frameworks and tools, while we are doing motherfucking programing.

Have you ever worked in a team that actually did everything right?

I have never seen anyone talk about a team in which things got done.

I'm a solo coder, so, don't really know either way. Sounds like mostly, teams are a mess b/c they aren't done right for the most part?

I dont know actually, but seems that way.

We crack jokes at each other and use profanity at all times. Troll other teams with funny git commits. Our slack channel is filled with weird giphys. Currently the most productive team according to the Chief Architect. How open is your work environment?

Simple - don't work or have your own company. But then you'll find some other things that you hate. I guess it's all about compromises.

It's quite a difficult topic actually. I remember when I did my internship, I started with two other interns. Even though we worked for the same company, our experiences were vastly different since we worked on different projects and with different teams.

The scrum master decided to have two teams plan each others's sprint!

I find it funny that, one of the most expected features on Windows, is not even a Windows feature. The teams at Microsoft must be feeling the same way we feel when, after a huge project, the client gets super excited when we implement or change something really, really small, that we did in a couple hours, just for fun.

It was called a hackathon, but was probably more a CTF on a distributed TOR network. Organized by Dutch tax police (FIOD) for students. Finished it single-handledly in 18 hours, in front of several teams consisting of 6 people. Immediately got a job offer, but declined since I still wanted to do a master's :)

The worst thing in any hackathon is coming at 3rd position and there is a prize for only the first two teams.
#Frustrated

I like our daily stand-ups, but our team only does it when our scrum master is present, if he takes a day off, no one cares about it
I think it's healthy for scrum teams to have that every day

What do you guys think? Are you also doing scrum? How bug is your team?

I am my teams goto guy for anything and everything. For any problem they face technically.

They think I am some kind of genius. But in reality I just Google. :/ I don't know most of the things they ask!

The saving grace is that, whenever I try to solve anything, the pieces of the puzzle quickly fall into their places in my head.

Now the impostor syndrome is kicking in hard!

Due to resource scarcity, my manager Bob had lent me to other manager John. I started working on John's project and now there is a hardcore dependency on me, as I have done good enough work on it. I was also taking some small work items from Bob parallely so I can be up-to-date with my own team, Later Bob calls me and says he wants me back, since my own team has lot of pending tasks. John's project is still unfinished and will take longer then ever. So far, I am dividing my time between the two teams.

My concern is if I pass on John's project, will I even get recognized for it and since John will have no one concrete to work on his project, he will later keep bugging me for help.

And I feel like I don't belong to either of the teams (I am like a step son to both my parents) 😔

There is an "SA" who doesn't know anything about different architectures used around, does not ask if he doesn't know and assumes stuff and puts us in those cringe-worthy moments where everyone in the meeting kind of becomes quiet because he is uttering obvious bullshit. He does this in meetings with senior managers and developers from other teams which clearly puts our team down!

My company chose to go with MS Teams over Slack. And now we’re not even allowed to create our own channels. We have to ask our manager to do it for us. Tf? That’s some basic shit.

When your teams lead developer still uses unsecured FTP to deploy websites, does not use git or svn and would rather build their own cms than use an off the shelf product.. I can't help but learn bad practice's as a junior!

A discord bot with streaming music from YouTube, ranks, commands and teams and a full scp wiki for only 5 euros and a week. I still regret not taking 50

My most successful project was in the fisrt year of University in 2016. We had to build a robot from scratch with all the mechanic, electronical and software components, which could solve a given problem, in our case defusing a bomb, in collaboration with an other team. After a lot of frustration, late night debugging and many beers, our team managed to win the competition against 8 other teams.

Facepalm Monday...
My collegue denies to provide breaking changes in our login API in a separate version to the other teams depending on it.

What is the reason for his stubborn rejection?
It's scrum. We haven't planned the effort for realising a versioning concept for our API.
Let's build it in the next sprint as a part of live deployment strategy.

The point he miss is that the ProductOwner wants his API change deployed during the next sprint.
Additionally, it is best practice, having a compatible, deployable product after each sprint, without any risks.
Furthermore, another best practice to provide your API is one URI without a version part holding the current development of the API. And URIs with a version part in it to keep a specific request/response structure and behavior.

What really grind my gears are sayings like 'if the other teams had well programmed their software, modifying our API won't have any effect on them'

C'mon dude. That's far from reality, as anybody knows.

I can't accept, we provide unprofessional API builds, as he is going to do.

So, i have to spend my time and energy to change his mind, together with other software-architects, planning the big thing API-Gateway *sigh*

there are a lot of ad for web based start-up to be teams claims they have everything in place only missing a dev, what the F r they thinking without dev involved in early stages means to build a building by copy paste blueprint from Google

My workplace keeps moving more and more teams into the building, but the number of restrooms remains the same.

All it will take is one bad food-handling day in the cafeteria to enable battle royale mode.

shutdown an old Jenkins CI pipeline from one of our teams... after one month they call us to bring it online again because they don't know how to build it manually.... lol #automation #scripting #jenkins

Feel less guilty about switching teams.

LastPass or 1Password for teams?

Other suggestions are welcomed but need to pick on of the above.

I'm not sure if it's just here, but in my country dev teams are not very organized. Most teams i've seen have no sense of process and they overlook testing.

!rant

So, recently new CTO joined.
And suggested to migrate our entire platform on GO from PHP.

And all dev teams will get new macs.

Its gonna take more 3-4 months so.

Kind of exicted to work on.

Why are the teams that don't deliver shit always made up entirely of senior devs?

During the course of my career I've stumbled on like 6-7 people I've worked with and it was really great. Every now and then we meet up and chat how it'd be great to form a team again and work on something (we're all in different companies atm).

Lately we've been mentioning that even more and are considering whether to start working on a product/find clients and form an agency/join some other company.

We have experience with both outsource and products. Our profiles range from development, design, marketing, UX, HR, PM.

Any road we take has pros and cons. We're least fit to start on a product because we'd need more profiles, have to figure out finance and would probably have to work alongside our current jobs.

I've been thinking of writing a joint letter when I hear a company is opening up an office in our city. When that happens, usually whole teams are formed and most of the profiles I mentioned are needed.

Do you think that's even possible? Is there another way we're overseeing? Have you heard of or attempted something similar?

Any advice is truly appreciated.

After solving that production issue which people debugged the entire night.. feels like..

I am the eggman
I am the walrus

Teams like..
Goo goo goo job..

When your job gets unnecessarily difficult because too many people work on the same files, and then they ignore your changes in version control. I waste more time redoing work that was already done and ignored . . .

My manager always tell that we're less process oriented and self sufficient.

Later on, I understand what that means
- Poorly written JIRA tickets
- JIRA tickets with only title, rest for you to fill
- Two teams did same task, client side team pushing their change directly on master, while mine still waiting on code review will eventually get rejected
- Client writing raw SQL in ORM framework instead of using any single feature of ORM.

Company logic: "we need a new software manager for the program. This guy has worked on every piece of our product. Including as team lead of one of the teams. But wait he has never signed time cards. We better bring in this guy who has been in the company less than a year and is a known job shopper to do it instead."

Long story short, I am getting a new software manager that knows nothing about our product. Fun

I asked a senior PM once if software developers were the hardest to work with. He said no, road construction teams are worse.

"agile" teams, changing scope, unrealistic deadlines, non-tech PMs...

So much fits into this category.

What are the chances of landing any kind of job in the software field without my CS bachelor's degree completed?

Cuz I'm so tired of the impractical bullshit I've had to do in class for the last 2 or 3 years. I just don't get why the University does not prepare people to work in dev teams yet it seems to be a prerequisite for any consideration to be hired in the field.

Edit: I'm quite familiar with programming and learn quickly. But is that not sufficient?

Just a reminder guys especially who do agile(scrum). TEAMS SHOULD BE HIGHLY ALIGNED BUT LOOSELY COUPLED!

I find it funny that core software from major companies has such bad bugs or flaws. With large development teams and QA they still get through, yet a bug half as bad on a system for a customer developed by a small team, we get a roasting for it!

Microsoft Teams logic when using it from Chrome on Linux:

Wanna have a team call with multiple people? Sure no problem, proceed.

Wanna have a direct call with one person? Hell no, we don't do that here!

Also lets just ignore the fact that you are actually running Google Chrome, you should really try out Windows and Edge.

Best project management tool for webdev, for small/medium sized teams (5-10 people) and projects? Must include quick project setup with checklist templates.

Whats with the factions/teams thing that i'm seeing about

"The ability to change on a dime is one thing small teams have by default that big teams can never have. This is where the big guys envy the little guys. What might take a big team in a huge organization weeks to change may only take a day in a small, lean organization. That advantage is priceless." - Andrew Hunt

So I have been using REST APIs since last 4 years and used this term in lot of technical discussions with backend teams.
Learnt that it's full form is 'REpresentational State Transfer' just a few minutes ago 🙈

I was hired as a team lead. I'd only managed small online teams before but now it's an office job. Any books and articles on technical team leading you may suggest?

Does anyone actually fucking know how certs and provisioning profiles work for large iOS teams without using the cancerous auto provision checkbox? Are we all just fucking it up all the time??

evil === true

Found this one after 4 hours of debugging... Want to screw with other teams? Shove some UTF-8 BOM characters into JSON responses consumed by Node (and other frameworks as well). Watch as they scramble to find why JSON.parse() fails on seemingly nothing.

Background: BOM markers are hidden characters that indicate text stream information to applications. They are not ignored by many JSON parsers and throw exceptions that don't appear to make sense.

I have my first real deadline at a company. Yesterday. I hate deadlines :( At university I only affect me when missing deadlines. At a company, the whole teams gets affected.

My teams members are commiting each and every review I made on pull request.

How does Microsoft teams have 20 million users when you can even search chat history.?

O.o

anyone else get second thoughts about their bank when they see this kind of message after logging in?

"Online Banking is unavailable
We are really sorry we are preventing you from completing your banking today. Our technical teams are aware and actively investigating. Please know they are working hard to restore service as soon as possible.

Please call us at 123-456-7890 for banking assistance or information."

er... what?

I'm at that point where I want to lash out at our team for not finishing a sprint. I've been doing the scrum master/dev role for months now and each sprint is incomplete since we have started the agile way.

Most of my team members are seasoned senior devs and my team's downfall are caused by not acting as a team. I'm the youngest in the team and have been acting as a babysitter for them.

1. Make it so IT teams are only directly managed by people who know their shit about IT
2. Make nvidia opensourxe their linux driver, so we can have some real improvements
3. Make me able to rm -fr people and tasks from the command line.

Isn't it fanbloodytastic when you switch dev teams and your former team mates start blaming you for broken builds?

Fortunately I had logs to cover my arse. F*** blameworthy company cultures.

I hate meetings where we watch other teams yank each other’s dicks for an hour. We get it, you love your team. I don’t care. I have shit to do guys.

Development: we need Nginx installed on *insert server list*
Me: ok, let me get in tough with the platform team.
Platform team: This should be installed in the userspace, Unix teams don't support this.

And here I am, trying to get a reverse proxy running on servers on which I do not have sudo rights.
Since it doesn't work, it's my fault, both sides block the door.
I installed it locally on a virtual machine, but the compiled or installed code doesn't work once copied.
The joy of being an "application engineer". This job title means nothing!

My most disliked part about my job is one recurring event that happens way too often: waiting for other teams to do their fucking jobs so that I can do mine.

Anyone else find slack a time waster unless you are actively working on a team? I feel it fails when used for a user group: l have left most slack teams because it is like repeatedly looking in the fridge and not finding anything interesting.

Working in an Agile software development department (12 dev teams, >100 developers) inside a very old school traditional business (15000 staff, several billion annual turnover) is an uphill struggle that I don’t know if I have the energy to persevere with.

New year is making me think I push the launch button on a product that I spent all of last year building.

For context I should add that I am a senior person / leader in the department so I have to deal with a lot of shit from the suits.

Great my team just got dumped with all the other teams messes and incomplete work! Great sprint planning guys.

!rant

I find IT to be an amazing field. There are so many parts to it that take tremendous dedication to fully understand, yet, each part works together.

Teams of people dedicated their entire life to software development, which would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to the development of operating systems. That would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to integrating hardware and software. That again would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to electrical engineering.

I know I missed tons of subfields that link everything together, but just the massive amount of dedication and teamwork to make something as simple as a console application work properly is amazing. I wish I could understand it all and I hope everything will always be as easily accessible my entire life as it is now.

Web development is a fucking mess. Why is there hundreds of things to download, manage, and all of them depend on another tool? Framework dev teams, can you stop creating dev tools for dev tools that is intended to alter development? How the fuck do people even handle this pile of mess? They must be superhumans.

Question:

in teams with backenders and frontenders, how do you guys coordinate introducing breaking changes to the API while the system is live ?

My new employer is giving me the option to learn whatever I want. I’m doing procurement and Sharepoint and some other things, covering on the help desk, and some graphic design work. I have a bit of free time though and want to try something new!

We have the following teams: networks, development, security, and help desk. What should I ask to do next?

I’m learning SQL and have also been given the opportunity to do some of that work once I am ready.

Note: I know that it’s my preference what I do, I just don’t even know where to begin!

So, it appears that when you have a disagreement about something with our new head of development, he puts you on a ‘shit’ list and the does everything he can to make you want to quit.

Tried to make out that your not integrating with the teams, excludes you from any discussion that you might have any opinions about, talks down to you and is generally two faced about everything he says.

Well f**k him.

how many devs working in your company and (thats the actual question) how many leaders manages dev teams?

I think I just realized the relationships between toons in Looney Toons: World of Mayhem is basically a graph... And so the optimal teams can be found by solving Pick 4 Vertices (toons) that maximize the # of Edges (positive relationships) between them...

Is there an algorithm that finds that or I just bring force it by testing all combos? Given the # of toons shouldn't take too long.

Our team moved to scrum a while back. But everybody still does story point estimation by mentally assigning 1 story point for each day of work it would require. :/
On top of that, management compares the performance of two *different* scrum teams based on the story points they finish in a sprint. ://