7 years of innovation and best design teams on the planet... can you tell the difference?

C: application not working
Me: k. What changed?
C: we didn't make changes
Me: k... *gets a tech team (W) on the phone*
W: Hey, what's broken?
Me: C's application. How do things look?
W: running healthy. I'll check logs.
Me: thanks. *gets tech team (S) on the line*
S: hey, everything clear on our end, will check logs.
Me: thanks *gets tech team (U)*
U: hey! They asked us to deploy their new version today during normal deployment time. Is it acting up?
Me: C, what did you change?
C: nothing major, just how we connect to W and S...
W&S: are you shitting me???
Me: U, will you please roll it back?
C: no! Must stay on this version, you need to fix your side!!
Me: nope. *calls U boss (UG)*
UG: U, you have my permission to roll back, they need to fix. C, if your boss doesn't like it, have them call me.
*rollback fixes problem*

IF I FUCKING ASK YOU WHAT THE FUCK YOU CHANGED, YOU BETTER TELL ME THE TRUTH, OR I WILL STRIP YOUR CODE OFF OUR FUCKING SYSTEMS AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR THROAT. MY JOB IS TO HELP YOU AND YOU NEED TO BACK TO FUCK UP AND NOT GET IN THE WAY OF MY JOB OR YOU WON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE.

Watched the Winter Olympics opening ceremony where they have 1200 drones flying in unison to make amazing shapes in the sky with lights. Truly astonishing. It took a large team weeks / months to prepare.

BBC commentator “wow that must have taken someone hours”

Fuck you you dumb fuck ignorant cunt. It’s oxygen thiefs like you that put so much pressure on dev teams to do monumental tasks in ridiculous amounts of time.

If you don’t understand what you’re talking about then don’t talk!

Git makes it easy to search through historical changes they said. Git is amazing when working in teams they said.

It sure is.

If your coworkers do not commit every time they burp or fart, do not use "🚀" or "✨" or "fix" as a commit message, and do not push all their shitty experimental broken branches without cleaning up.

I'm surprised there are no piles of fecal matter behind their desk chairs.

Mute your fucking microphones if you have nothing to say. Nobody wants to hear you breathing, your dog, a police car or whatever.

We have new scrum master. First meeting together.

Project owner:
- I would give them time to wensday (2 days away) days to do migration
Manager:
- delivery is in Tuesday. can we have two teams to work on it so it will be done twice as fast?
Scrum Master:
- do you really think that if you get 9 women pregnant they would deliver you baby in a month?

This is why I love working where I work. I worked extra hours until 9pm to get an ITest environment ready for one of my customer teams. I came in this morning to a little prezzie and a thank you card signed by the entire customer team. This is what awesome culture looks like.

*only developer at firm and client comes in to discuss building a website on a 4k budget*

"Ok but eBay does it, cant you just do it like eBay?"

Oh eBay who has teams of developers....and a huge budget to afford these developers.....that eBay?

I want a name and a gun.

I've had my laptop for over 3 years now. Never, in these 3 years, have I installed Microsoft Teams on it.

I just turned my laptop on, and I now have the Ms Teams icon on my desktop, and Teams has started itself and is asking me to log in.
Control panel says it has been installed today.

I want somebody's head. And then smash it into a pulp with my bare hands and shove that up their ass.

No matter how much we complain about our programming language, our bosses, our co-workers, our teams, or anything else....

We'll never trade our Profession (coding) for any other job in the World.
That's How We Roll.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Don't look at my branch...

Companies can't use free software?

Well, I just forced everyone to use Nextcloud instead of Dropbox and Google Drive. People did not like it as first but the quickly realized how good it was.

We also moved from skype, teams and slack to matrix.
I am glad that matrix-synapse is so easy to install nowadays!

Other teams in my company are working with Angular 4 and NodeJS and my team is here working with JSF and Java 1.5.

Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmares but for development companies/teams. Please make it happen.

More robots have arrived! (Teams 5024 and 6856)

Conveniently, one of our robots is putting out smoke and the other has a bunch of broken sensors.

You know what would be a great project? A reality TV show, like "Hell's Kitchen" or "Bar Rescue", but instead we come to companies and help their development teams. 😛

Bus-Factor: A new metric to describe how well kowledge is distributed among the team members by calculating how many of your team members can be run over by a bus without killing your project!

My workstation at incubation center, where i am currently incubated.
Finally got multi-screen desktop. Though monitors are prone to theft by other teams

bNEST, Bhopal

PS - Laptop is for gaming

In college, teacher teams us with other guy,
I tell him to do backend coding in JS
He says: Dude, What is JS?

Fu*k

Friday 6pm to Sunday 6pm, with toilet breaks, snack breaks and a three hour nap on Sunday morning. Roughly 44 hours. It was a hackathon, Nov 2016. My team came in fourth place and the first three teams went to Germany!

Well, I got a well paying attachment from it so it didn't go all to waste.

Me and my laptop then...

How I feel working with code that's been worked on by at least three different teams at three different companies over the past couple of years and not a single person has left any comments or documentation.

Slack: A tool for teams to collaborate and work efficiently

Instead

Slack: A way to share memes at work

Advice... Don't open slack at work 😂

Project coordinator blames our team because client said we failed to "align" with other teams.

Coordinator.
Project. Coordinator.

What the actual fuck.

Asked my boss if I could get a promotion... He said I will get the job I deserve and make me CNEO.
When I asked what this is about, he said "Chief Nullpointer Exception Officer"....

Ours teams rubberduck family.

Group projects in computer science usually go like this for me:

Me: Want to be in a Group?

Group member: sure

Me: okay, we can discuss the project and start coding some stuff tomorrow

Group member: I don't have a laptop, won't get one till two weeks

Me: -_-

Also me: fuck off

We use MS Teams and I started a new team for the contract renewal. My preference was to continue with the old one for files and searching. I am the “owner” and the PM is the “owner”. Everyone else is a “member”. Owner means admin. The executive sees that she is a mere member and demands the PM add her as an owner. He makes her an owner. Then she decides that she outranks is and should be the only owner. We discover this because we can’t on-board a new person on the team or configure build notifications or GitHub code review notifications.
Basically the executive has stopped the team from using Teams because her ego tells her that she is the one true “owner.”

I asked my manager for a compensation adjustment today since my peers at the same tenure and experience as me were making $30,000 more than me. They said no since I haven't worked on any big projects yet and the projects that were big enough, I didn't do it by myself so they don't count.

I'm not sure if they know how software teams work... I'm pretty sure we make software for TEAMs...

Just started my new job.

Poorly defined requirements ✅
Expecting things to be done yesterday ✅
Poorly managed teams ✅
Terrible legacy code ✅
Half the development team is offshore ✅

Maybe I’m just selfish, but I need to work in an environment that has the following

A good technology stack.
A competent manager/team leader.
Competent colleagues.
Clearly defined documentation.
A proper onboarding process.

Why is this so difficult to find in organisations?

Moved from Slack to Microsoft Teams at work. Teams UI is horrible. Doesn't use system notifications it has its own crappy popups. (Running the Linux Client) I hate everything about it.

Everyone should just go back to using IRC.

About to walk into a second round job interview. It will take my commute from an hour and a half to 15 minutes, be a much larger scale company and teams, with actual schedules and communication. I might actually cry if I get it.

Can anybody explain why a chat app needs almost as much memory as full blown IDE

Okay, this is me panicking. We're switching to Microsoft Teams at work. This means that I will have to cut the Slack and switch to a fucking Microsoft solution for chat. Am I supposed to be worried?

Do not hire a team of full stack developers such that the entire teams' core competency is back-end development and then wonder why they can't hurry the fuck up to design and build usable, device-friendly interfaces.

Hire a damned front-end dev.

When you can't figure out where you are supposed to add your code in the teams massive android spaghetti codebase. So you just add logs to every function that might be related to track down the function you need.

I always hated those challenges...

One of our dev teams has a tradition: after each post-sprint review one of the devs tells a wood joke. The lamer, the better.

So far the winner is:

Q: What did Batman say to Robin before Robin got in the car?
A: Robin, get in the car

It's so dumb it's actually somehow even funny :)

FOR FUCKS SAKE, CLEAN YOUR KEYBOARD!

Today we had some presentations on a class, I was near the projector, so I volunteered to control the presentation flow.

Fast forward three teams, arrives this guy, lets his laptop and and I open it... SMELLS, FUCKING SMELLS BAD. Add to that grease and dirt all over the keyboard... I just pressed the right arrow key with the bare tip of my finger...

It's not that hard to keep your workstation clean. Most of all, odourless.

There's so many posts on here that say fuck apple or Microsoft only real programmers or computer users run Linux. Maybe step back and reflect why these companies got big. Maybe the programmers in their development teams are actually good. Maybe variety and competition and different focuses is good for us and consumers.

OFFICE 365 IS FUCKIN DOGSHIT, I CAN’T EVEN LOGIN TO FUCKING OUTLOOK BECAUSE MS WAY OF GIVING ME THE 2FA WAS SO VAGUE AND RANDOM

I FUCKING HATE MS TEAMS

I FUCKING HATE AZURE DEVOPS

I FUCKING HATE MSSQL

I FUCKING MS

This was found when one of my teams old workstations was being pulled apart. Can't tell if genius or lazy.

Fond this gem in teams code;
Var temp = "",
Var tmp = "",
Var tmp2 = "",
Var tmpIDK = "";
Asked the creator only 4 hours after the commit what his code does. The answer; I have no idea, but it works, don't touch it.

Seeing there are many people (including me) that cant acces the hackathot, I thitk, it would be nice if we as community could hold an unoficial remote hackathon.

My ideas:

-5 days to code
-github / skype
-chess engines which have to compete eachothers to find the winner
-5 teams
-should be compatible with windows, linex, mac (either an interpreted language or different recompiled versions)

Tell me what you think in the comments

My favorite thing is my nerf gun. In my office different teams are organized in different pods. You never know when a war will break out between the teams, you need to be able to defend yourself! Also not bad for getting someone's attention who has headphones on...

Fun with MS Teams 😂

Things like that just don't happen on Linux...

Why can't I kill Microsoft Teams when it's frozen!? WTF Microsoft? This software is so lacking I can't even...

Focusing. I'm part of two teams that use slack, office 365, email, jira, and Trello to communicate simultaneously. I'm expected to respond to urgent messages--so I'm in productivity-killing notification hell and it's really taking a toll. :(

Microsoft Teams has stickers, with a “meme” category.

And yes it is just as awful as you'd expect...

The whole Microsoft office suite is being rewritten in React.js

This. Is. Not. A. Joke.

This also includes Skype, Ms teams, all office programs on all platforms, AND, VS Code....

Guys, we have trully peaked... gg....

I'm here to tell you the best way to learn anything about programming:
- Be 17
- Have a lot of projects to do (if it needs to use frameworks, better)
- Have the worse team
- Internet and a lot of free time to check documentation
PD: I hate teams

Tip for implementing scrum in non-software development teams:

1. Cry

I hate Skype for Business with a passion. It's the most garbage useless chat program imaginable. It can barely send basic text chats without throwing an error, and it can almost never send an image without the upload failing. The fact that it can't even save conversation history for each of your chats within Skype is ridiculous -- it fucking saves the conversation as an email draft in Outlook. Come on Microsoft, why do I have to open a completely separate program to view conversation history?! Skype conversation history should be saved IN SKYPE! Fucking AIM was able to save conversation history. I've tried multiple times to get the company to move to Slack or Teams, and for some reason they think that Skype is a good program and they ignore the fact that it's completely useless. It's 2019, why are we using a program that's built like it's 2009? I swear they haven't updated Skype at all in the last decade

In the past, we used skype, hipchat, slack and now ... Microsoft Teams. What a tool.

Yes Teams, it makes total sense to tell me that my message is too long. I totally get it that you want me to rewrite my message and yes Teams, I should have rather attached it as a file to my message to begin with. Yes Teams, I wait for you to finish uploading those files before I can send the message. I'm sure there would be disastrous consequences if you send the message with my attached files as soon as you finished uploading. I don't even want to be productive. Thanks for helping me out.

I swear I could sell my layout debugging to sports teams and colleges and cities stuff, they could use them as flags!

Teams do not scale linearly

So guys, for those of you that know what a burn down chart is, this is my teams, aka Front-end ONLY for end of March.

I definitly need my own wifi...

I once saved lives sending cpr teams to heart attack victims through an sms gateway platform.

This was amazing considering it was back in 2008 ;)

Old rant here. Took place ~2 years ago and just remembered it recently:

For some reason our company decided to disable incognito mode in Chrome... Wtf, who comes up with that shit?!
Our team has different certificates to test our application and therefore the private mode comes in quite useful. Otherwise you would need to close and reopen all browser instances again.

At least, after a shitstorm from various teams they unblocked incognito again.

Today I learned that the my new teams choice to use a mostly undocumented/unused framework over a well known/documented one was decided by a coin toss.

When you are a mobile developer and your company has only 3 android devices shared between Mobile, Testing and Design teams :|

And all teams fight for the device time

What the fuckin fuck..

36.63% of the respondents said they’re not planning to use any new programming languages in the coming 12 months.

But, 18.15% of them said they’re planning to use Python, while 16.83% said they’re planning to use Go, followed by JavaScript with 16.17%.

What about the tools?

Honestly, this was the hardest part of the report since it required very thorough data cleaning, and it turns out developer teams use a wide variety of tools, especially when it comes to testing and project management.

Does anyone want to take this stupid exam for me? I keep missing it on practice exams by 1 question. I'm sad. I know if i gave a damn about this material, i could do it. But i don't give a damn. It's required for my current position but I'm about to switch teams in a few months and will no longer need it.

Had to program an entire ecommerce site for both a city soccer league and baseball league. Around 50 teams each. No planning or anything beforehand. They gave me around 4 days to complete the project. Once everything was squared away, of course they complained and said that half of the teams were wrong. So I had to stay until around 11 pm in the office fixing everything that Friday night. Of course everyone said it was my fault. I blame it on the lack of planning.

Slack is scared as hell about Microsoft Teams that is targeted to enterprise customers.

Did you hear about the full page newspapar ad they did?... Passive aggressive move by slack

Working in a bank, using MIcrosoft platform:

To open my email, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.

To open my email using phone, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.

To open Teams, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.

To open Teams using phone, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.

To access Microsoft Azure, I need to enter my password and sms OTP.

To git pull/push, I need to enter my sms OTP.

To check UAT logs, I need to enter my sms OTP.

To get access to UAT DB, I need to connect to VPN, which then asks for OTP.

Did I also mention that I need to do these OTPs every single fucking day?

#OTPDrivenDevelopment

I haven't ranted since I joined my current job back in late 2018 because I've been in absolute bliss, extremely happy and feeling in the right place.

...And now here I am: due to some corporate shit we had to migrate from Slack to Teams and man TEAMS IS A SHIT.

Motivating and helping each other by forming small teams/pairs of devs who look after each other. No one likes to code alone

How do you tolerate a colleague who

- Fails to work as a team member, is inherently lazy and writes software that is simply horrendous
- Blatantly takes the easy road and even admits to it
- Has no sense of pride in the work they do
- Is your supervisor

A delicious Sprint Planning 😋

It was a hard sprint (SCRUM methodology), but finally we were on our next’s sprint planning meeting. We had a lot of tasks to define and estimate. For the first one, we all estimated the task with 5 points, and for the second one we voted for 3 points. We were coordinated XD so, our boss said “let’s do something, if all of you vote, let’s say, 5, and another votes for a different number, he or she’s gonna buy us a six pack of beer”. Challenge accepted.

Two partners and I have to buy beers for this friday after work 😂 I don’t even mad 😋🍻

It's almost time to go off to another FIRST robotics competition!

Good luck to all the other teams and extra good luck (is that even a thing?) To the teams competing in a week 4 event!

In the meantime, I will be spending my last day in <city name> working on some auto code with @hyperlisk

libFRC - A collection of libraries and tools for FIRST robotics teams

I try to convince my boss to choose Slack and not Microsoft teams.
What's your opinion on these apps ?

On call at 2100. Call at 2101. Co-worker off at 2100, call at 2059. Neither were problems with our infrastructure. They were with the callers' teams fucking up.

In one of my teams there was this non-IT girl.
One morning, she asks out loud:
G - Can I run a Json?
Me - Wait! What are you trying to do?
G - I need to deploy my changes into the Dev server.

Suddently I realized what she meant.
Me- It's Jenkins! Not Json. :D

Me: This is going to be a big issue

*Crickets*

Me: (X10) Raise same issue

*Crickets*

Suddenly my Friday starts with two teams going "HEY THIS IS AN ISSUE!"

Me: No shit? I never would have guessed. See you when I get back from vacation!

There's this one lead dev in our dpt who keeps posting pictures to our company's Teams 'general' channel with shit in the toilet after someone forgot to either flush or use the brush.
Caption usualy says "I don't mean to cause nausea to anyone, but we are all adults here and should know how to flush / use the toilet brush".

Does every company have this guy or are we the chosen ones?

Why isn't "Push-to-Talk" (PTT) a standard feautre in all video conferencing softwares?

Full Stack Teams vs. Fool Stack Teams

Freaking love it when devs from other teams work on you code base and implement components you already have ... Don't talk to each other, just submit your awsome code and leave a mess behind. But OK ... Just a simple click on Pull Request -> Denied!

Program manager who handles scrum of scrums asked our scrum master to slow down. Our velocity and quality is making other teams look bad...
The problem is, no one from other team wants to learn anything from us on automation/cicd. They are good even though manual.

Not sure what to do. Biz is happy with us...

As it turns out, of all the teams from my school that have been at the classic Catalysts Coding Contests on Nov 16th, the one I was in turned out to be the best. That's cool I guess.

When your team lead changes jobs leaving you the only developer on your "team"

We where designing next generation of standard PC platform. In the project we wanted to have input from different teams, what was important to them and it was the representative from Human Resourse to speakup,
"I would like to have round bobbles", it took us a while to figure out that he wanted, he wanted to change the shape of all dialog boxes.......
HR has often strange ways if looking at things.

How do you deal with team members who's not open to criticisms as a TL

Becoming a Project Manager, I've always liked to manage projects and teams. But first of, graduate. Then climb the ladder

Microsoft seems to get progressively worse every year. My work transitioned from google products (email, drive, chat) to Microsoft & it was a humungous step backwards. Everything crashes & doesn't save. Edge sucks. Windows 10 sucks. IE always sucked. Office 365 sucks. One drive sucks. MS Teams sucks. 😑

There was a team meeting where something controversial was being discussed. A team mate was sharing their screen showing the controversial prototype. Meanwhile, me and another team mate started texting parallely on Teams. After a while, people were just listening to each other arguing and doing their own thing. And the guy who was arguing at that moment was being very sarcastic and passive aggressive and it was hilarious. I texted my teammate some inside joke about the the team mate. I heard the Teams notification go off and it was not mine. Oh yeah, I texted the teammate whose screen was being shared 🙇

i *hate* when someone changes my code with out doing any of: asking first || commenting changes || telling me afterward.

> Get told my teams​ products don't work
> I say file a ticket so we know and can assist
> No tickets filed after 4 weeks,
> Team still complains my teams products don't work

Who else has mindless complainers?

What the fuck Microsoft !! Your android apps are total piece of shit! Fucking outlook Android app don't have support to view doc file which is created using your shitty Microsoft teams portal.

If I click on that doc file link through my outlook app, you redirect me to chrome.
Ok that's still acceptable. But the real shit starts now. You tell me that your browser isn't supported! Is this fucking joke?? Who in the world develops a website which can't support latest version of Android chrome?
Now that I have installed your shitty Microsoft teams app, it doesn't show up in "open with" options. Clicking on that link is still redirecting to the chrome saying that browser is unsupported.

Also, your shitty Microsoft teams app can't edit fucking doc file. When I click on your Microsoft word icon, You again ask me to install Android app for Microsoft word.
Seriously fuck you Microsoft and your shitty apps!

All project teams suddenly lost access to our development environment.

Yay.

This one is for @Fast-Nop

Both a rant and a joke/meme.

Its also funny because its true. Couple of teams (team responsible for orders and team responsible for accounting) are in seclusion in a meeting room right now cleaning up the web team's screw up.

When you are switching teams and seems like everyone in the firm knows your next project except for you..

Broken teams,
define Agile principles in 2 lines :

Take 2X to your velocity,
and work 80hours a week ;)

I'm living in the twilight zone...
These people upload and download an entire directory of files from microsoft teams as their way of version control...

And what's worse they're dragging their feet on changing over to git/github

God save me

That moment when you have to take over another person's work (coding) , because they go on vacation.

I'm writing a book that teaches everything I have learned in the past 20 years about writing small niche software and selling it.

Need some help from my fellow DevRanters.
Anyone who comments here with something constructive gets a free copy when it's done.

When I say:
"Why don't you just write your own software and sell it to end users"

What is the first thing that pops into your head?

Is it "I don't know how to advertise"
or
"that's a pipe dream"
or
"I tried starting my own business, but _______"
or
"I am doing that, i have this side project "
(how long have you spent on that side project?)

I need to know all your concerns questions fears, skepticism etc around the idea of writing your OWN software.

After 20 years I have like, so much knowledge, but it's sometimes hard to get it all out, UNLESS someone has a question or concern, then, out it comes.

So, I'm going to (hopefully) collect all the questions here ... and answer them, and it'll help me out a lot to extract this knowledge.

A lot of stuff I do without even thinking and realizing all the years it took to even know that.

What would you like to know the most?

You have the skills, you have the know how, you can probably see it in your head, so what's stopping you from making the leap?

I think they are afraid of me :)

Last time I pushed them harder than anyone ever did since their tools I have to rely on precisely were unstable. Now each time I ping their channel in Slack I get immediate ack responses from their manager and architects .

Nice :)

Finally got my devRant Stickers!
Thanks David for fast delivery to Germany!
Hope you guys will remain successful!

-devRant rocks- 😎

Microsoft pls fix.

My company chose to use Microsoft Teams and uses various linux desktops.

Let's try Microsoft Teams.
A desktop app? Hell yeah. Let's try it.

Oh wait...

Microsoft delivers a Windows executable for linux users... Fuck

Is Github about to disrupt everything again with this new move?

When you have to lock down #general in #slack because people cant be responsible.

Then get stuck making #bs-general and other #bs prefixed channels so that people know if they join them they will be annoyed.

I don't like that my team and my company uses Skype as the messaging tool for teams. There are no code highlighting when I need to share code snippet to devs!

Musk's OpenAI beat the top professional Dota2 players in the World. That's pretty impressive. AI has a lot of potential for the future. BTW, any Dota2 players here? My son complains that he ends up on Teams that don't speak English. Dota2 can be modded. Imagine a mod that interfaces with Google Translate and does on the fly translation. Beyond my experience level. Way beyond.

A discord bot with streaming music from YouTube, ranks, commands and teams and a full scp wiki for only 5 euros and a week. I still regret not taking 50

A manager in the area, in an effort to “encourage” teams to meet their externally generated commitments before imposing mandatory extended hours, posted a chart showing Mt. Everest with weekly goals as stages up the mountain. First team to the top wins a $20 gift card. Looks just like this picture. Results will probably be similar.

I honestly don't understand people who genuinely believe formal schooling will cover all the basics they need to know to do a real-life job, and still get barely passing grades on all relevant subjects.

I genuinely don't understand people who copy GitHub projects to pass classes, and graduate from a university with goddamn StackOverflow instead of a brain.

Whom I understand even less are people who don't do anything major-related on their spare time.

I mean, change your fucking major, do what you actually like, do things that actually light your nuts with passion.

Please don't waste my time pretending you are in it not just because it's potentially well-paid and "cool".

Please don't waste my time being my coworker.

Yes, I'm looking at you, trendy wanker with a CS degree and no personal projects.

P.S. Junior here. Yes, I'm full of hatred for all the "real programmers" in the industry out there. I hoped for a better experience.

P.S.S. I mean absolutely no offense to people using either GitHub or StackOverflow outside of the aforementioned context.

Trying to get Pokemon Go running on iOS in Germany....
.... first time I regret not having an Android Phone 😫

3 teams pushing changes into my code branch, all of them with crazy amounts of errors. Why me?!

Mmm. Uhmm...

One of the colleagues I am close with is changing teams. They will still be around the company, in fact the office of the team they are going to is right by mine. It just sucks to lose a good developer and friend from the team.

Who else hates Teams here? I really think it's one of the worst programs I have to use from time time. It's full of overly complicated features and bad UX design. Slack is soooo much better and more user-friendly.

Who uses Cisco Webex Teams video conferencing? What's your opinion on webex?

Best: come up with best idea to real world problem.

Worst: lose to teams who used all the sensors in the kit.... Their system didn't even solve a problem.

my first job is in a brand-new team, all team mate other than the manager are new grads from colleges. we r so engaged and dedicated our efforts to deliver something. and one day one of our team mate decided to resign due to family issues, we try our best throw him a farewell party, it is so emotional. now I have worked in a couple of teams, the spirit could not found after then.

Simple - don't work or have your own company. But then you'll find some other things that you hate. I guess it's all about compromises.

It's quite a difficult topic actually. I remember when I did my internship, I started with two other interns. Even though we worked for the same company, our experiences were vastly different since we worked on different projects and with different teams.

Have you ever worked in a team that actually did everything right?

I have never seen anyone talk about a team in which things got done.

I'm a solo coder, so, don't really know either way. Sounds like mostly, teams are a mess b/c they aren't done right for the most part?

I dont know actually, but seems that way.

I find it funny that, one of the most expected features on Windows, is not even a Windows feature. The teams at Microsoft must be feeling the same way we feel when, after a huge project, the client gets super excited when we implement or change something really, really small, that we did in a couple hours, just for fun.

It was called a hackathon, but was probably more a CTF on a distributed TOR network. Organized by Dutch tax police (FIOD) for students. Finished it single-handledly in 18 hours, in front of several teams consisting of 6 people. Immediately got a job offer, but declined since I still wanted to do a master's :)

I like our daily stand-ups, but our team only does it when our scrum master is present, if he takes a day off, no one cares about it
I think it's healthy for scrum teams to have that every day

What do you guys think? Are you also doing scrum? How bug is your team?

Got transferred on to a new team. The team I was on previously was successful, had great processes, and very smart people. New team was floundering, very late, no processes, and crotchety. Did my best with the (lack of) expectations and information given to me. No one gave me any feedback. Get called into a meeting to discuss my lack of performance and failure to meet goals. If I hadn't needed the money I would have walked out. Transferred teams a month later.

When your PM is whining like a baby about resource issues surrounding developing new features when he/she already agreed one of the teams top priorities was getting "run the business" work done.

Welcome to Microsoft Teams :)

The scrum master decided to have two teams plan each others's sprint!

The worst thing in any hackathon is coming at 3rd position and there is a prize for only the first two teams.
#Frustrated

During the course of my career I've stumbled on like 6-7 people I've worked with and it was really great. Every now and then we meet up and chat how it'd be great to form a team again and work on something (we're all in different companies atm).

Lately we've been mentioning that even more and are considering whether to start working on a product/find clients and form an agency/join some other company.

We have experience with both outsource and products. Our profiles range from development, design, marketing, UX, HR, PM.

Any road we take has pros and cons. We're least fit to start on a product because we'd need more profiles, have to figure out finance and would probably have to work alongside our current jobs.

I've been thinking of writing a joint letter when I hear a company is opening up an office in our city. When that happens, usually whole teams are formed and most of the profiles I mentioned are needed.

Do you think that's even possible? Is there another way we're overseeing? Have you heard of or attempted something similar?

Any advice is truly appreciated.

Microsoft Teams logic when using it from Chrome on Linux:

Wanna have a team call with multiple people? Sure no problem, proceed.

Wanna have a direct call with one person? Hell no, we don't do that here!

Also lets just ignore the fact that you are actually running Google Chrome, you should really try out Windows and Edge.

Due to resource scarcity, my manager Bob had lent me to other manager John. I started working on John's project and now there is a hardcore dependency on me, as I have done good enough work on it. I was also taking some small work items from Bob parallely so I can be up-to-date with my own team, Later Bob calls me and says he wants me back, since my own team has lot of pending tasks. John's project is still unfinished and will take longer then ever. So far, I am dividing my time between the two teams.

My concern is if I pass on John's project, will I even get recognized for it and since John will have no one concrete to work on his project, he will later keep bugging me for help.

And I feel like I don't belong to either of the teams (I am like a step son to both my parents) 😔

When your teams lead developer still uses unsecured FTP to deploy websites, does not use git or svn and would rather build their own cms than use an off the shelf product.. I can't help but learn bad practice's as a junior!

there are a lot of ad for web based start-up to be teams claims they have everything in place only missing a dev, what the F r they thinking without dev involved in early stages means to build a building by copy paste blueprint from Google

!rant

So, recently new CTO joined.
And suggested to migrate our entire platform on GO from PHP.

And all dev teams will get new macs.

Its gonna take more 3-4 months so.

Kind of exicted to work on.

Why are the teams that don't deliver shit always made up entirely of senior devs?

My workplace keeps moving more and more teams into the building, but the number of restrooms remains the same.

All it will take is one bad food-handling day in the cafeteria to enable battle royale mode.

shutdown an old Jenkins CI pipeline from one of our teams... after one month they call us to bring it online again because they don't know how to build it manually.... lol #automation #scripting #jenkins

I was hired as a team lead. I'd only managed small online teams before but now it's an office job. Any books and articles on technical team leading you may suggest?

So I have been using REST APIs since last 4 years and used this term in lot of technical discussions with backend teams.
Learnt that it's full form is 'REpresentational State Transfer' just a few minutes ago 🙈

Feel less guilty about switching teams.

I know Electron apps sometimes tend to be slow and consume a lot of RAM, but Jesus Christ Microsoft Teams is such garbage - it consumes a whole CPU core just for itself. My laptop fans start whirring and after a half an hour of MS Teams sitting in the background idle dmesg starts telling me CPU temperature has reached a treshold and is now thermal throttling. :(((((((

My company chose to go with MS Teams over Slack. And now we’re not even allowed to create our own channels. We have to ask our manager to do it for us. Tf? That’s some basic shit.

There is an "SA" who doesn't know anything about different architectures used around, does not ask if he doesn't know and assumes stuff and puts us in those cringe-worthy moments where everyone in the meeting kind of becomes quiet because he is uttering obvious bullshit. He does this in meetings with senior managers and developers from other teams which clearly puts our team down!

My most successful project was in the fisrt year of University in 2016. We had to build a robot from scratch with all the mechanic, electronical and software components, which could solve a given problem, in our case defusing a bomb, in collaboration with an other team. After a lot of frustration, late night debugging and many beers, our team managed to win the competition against 8 other teams.

LastPass or 1Password for teams?

Other suggestions are welcomed but need to pick on of the above.

We crack jokes at each other and use profanity at all times. Troll other teams with funny git commits. Our slack channel is filled with weird giphys. Currently the most productive team according to the Chief Architect. How open is your work environment?

I am my teams goto guy for anything and everything. For any problem they face technically.

They think I am some kind of genius. But in reality I just Google. :/ I don't know most of the things they ask!

The saving grace is that, whenever I try to solve anything, the pieces of the puzzle quickly fall into their places in my head.

Now the impostor syndrome is kicking in hard!

Mac: emacs
Linux: emacs
Windows: wsl + emacs

Emacs is godsend for me, it does almost everything I need, except Skype / teams meetings. Originally started using cause I needed good note taking and org-mode pop up everywhere and after while decided to change completely no emacs cause didn't see much point to use multiple different editors.

"The ability to change on a dime is one thing small teams have by default that big teams can never have. This is where the big guys envy the little guys. What might take a big team in a huge organization weeks to change may only take a day in a small, lean organization. That advantage is priceless." - Andrew Hunt

Whats with the factions/teams thing that i'm seeing about

Just a reminder guys especially who do agile(scrum). TEAMS SHOULD BE HIGHLY ALIGNED BUT LOOSELY COUPLED!

I asked a senior PM once if software developers were the hardest to work with. He said no, road construction teams are worse.

"agile" teams, changing scope, unrealistic deadlines, non-tech PMs...

So much fits into this category.

Microsoft Teams is not like Slack the way I thought it was.

Our customer accrues vacation time in January. The retirees will take all of their vacation starting in January and retire when they get back. This year, their ops teams have multiple retirees. Some software we support now runs on abandoned servers.

My coworker had something go seriously wrong in the financial software over Christmas and there is nobody to call to help him access or fix the running application.

My manager always tell that we're less process oriented and self sufficient.

Later on, I understand what that means
- Poorly written JIRA tickets
- JIRA tickets with only title, rest for you to fill
- Two teams did same task, client side team pushing their change directly on master, while mine still waiting on code review will eventually get rejected
- Client writing raw SQL in ORM framework instead of using any single feature of ORM.

I'm not sure if it's just here, but in my country dev teams are not very organized. Most teams i've seen have no sense of process and they overlook testing.

After solving that production issue which people debugged the entire night.. feels like..

I am the eggman
I am the walrus

Teams like..
Goo goo goo job..

Company logic: "we need a new software manager for the program. This guy has worked on every piece of our product. Including as team lead of one of the teams. But wait he has never signed time cards. We better bring in this guy who has been in the company less than a year and is a known job shopper to do it instead."

Long story short, I am getting a new software manager that knows nothing about our product. Fun

When your job gets unnecessarily difficult because too many people work on the same files, and then they ignore your changes in version control. I waste more time redoing work that was already done and ignored . . .

Can you guys let me know how microsoft teams is? Is it good, or is it polluted with fluff and garbage?

I hate meetings where we watch other teams yank each other’s dicks for an hour. We get it, you love your team. I don’t care. I have shit to do guys.

!rant

I find IT to be an amazing field. There are so many parts to it that take tremendous dedication to fully understand, yet, each part works together.

Teams of people dedicated their entire life to software development, which would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to the development of operating systems. That would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to integrating hardware and software. That again would be impossible if teams of people did not dedicated their entire life to electrical engineering.

I know I missed tons of subfields that link everything together, but just the massive amount of dedication and teamwork to make something as simple as a console application work properly is amazing. I wish I could understand it all and I hope everything will always be as easily accessible my entire life as it is now.

I have my first real deadline at a company. Yesterday. I hate deadlines :( At university I only affect me when missing deadlines. At a company, the whole teams gets affected.

evil === true

Found this one after 4 hours of debugging... Want to screw with other teams? Shove some UTF-8 BOM characters into JSON responses consumed by Node (and other frameworks as well). Watch as they scramble to find why JSON.parse() fails on seemingly nothing.

Background: BOM markers are hidden characters that indicate text stream information to applications. They are not ignored by many JSON parsers and throw exceptions that don't appear to make sense.

I'm at that point where I want to lash out at our team for not finishing a sprint. I've been doing the scrum master/dev role for months now and each sprint is incomplete since we have started the agile way.

Most of my team members are seasoned senior devs and my team's downfall are caused by not acting as a team. I'm the youngest in the team and have been acting as a babysitter for them.

My company just pulled the trigger on wfh. They just sent out an email saying tomorrow's the last day any of the offices in the region are open. Come in and get your shit. See you on teams.

Most of us have been working from home for a while anyway but there's been a few holdouts wondering why no one's coming in. It'll be interesting to see their reaction. On teams.

My team: please read that article about blameless postmortems, there's a lot we could take on board to improve team morale

My team extra-passive-aggressive at the first incident: why did you do that? That was never gonna work

My teams members are commiting each and every review I made on pull request.

anyone else get second thoughts about their bank when they see this kind of message after logging in?

"Online Banking is unavailable
We are really sorry we are preventing you from completing your banking today. Our technical teams are aware and actively investigating. Please know they are working hard to restore service as soon as possible.

Please call us at 123-456-7890 for banking assistance or information."

er... what?

I am having a hard time to find a good chat for my work environment (Slack sucks). Since we have Office 365 subscription I thought to give Teams another go after 3 years.
Well, looks like it is going to wait another 3 years.

Web development is a fucking mess. Why is there hundreds of things to download, manage, and all of them depend on another tool? Framework dev teams, can you stop creating dev tools for dev tools that is intended to alter development? How the fuck do people even handle this pile of mess? They must be superhumans.

Anyone else find slack a time waster unless you are actively working on a team? I feel it fails when used for a user group: l have left most slack teams because it is like repeatedly looking in the fridge and not finding anything interesting.

I find it funny that core software from major companies has such bad bugs or flaws. With large development teams and QA they still get through, yet a bug half as bad on a system for a customer developed by a small team, we get a roasting for it!

My most disliked part about my job is one recurring event that happens way too often: waiting for other teams to do their fucking jobs so that I can do mine.

1. Make it so IT teams are only directly managed by people who know their shit about IT
2. Make nvidia opensourxe their linux driver, so we can have some real improvements
3. Make me able to rm -fr people and tasks from the command line.

Our Risk team is making us enforce having an approved change record before teams can merge to master.

As in, people will get in trouble if they complete a merge of a pull request outside of an approved change window.

This, of course, is completely separate from the change record they'll need before they deploy the code anywhere...

Isn't it fanbloodytastic when you switch dev teams and your former team mates start blaming you for broken builds?

Fortunately I had logs to cover my arse. F*** blameworthy company cultures.

Question:

in teams with backenders and frontenders, how do you guys coordinate introducing breaking changes to the API while the system is live ?

School Just got Ms Teams for all students. Good and bad experiences?

Great my team just got dumped with all the other teams messes and incomplete work! Great sprint planning guys.

Best project management tool for webdev, for small/medium sized teams (5-10 people) and projects? Must include quick project setup with checklist templates.

Does anyone actually fucking know how certs and provisioning profiles work for large iOS teams without using the cancerous auto provision checkbox? Are we all just fucking it up all the time??

"First ask the context of something and never why it's like it is"

I used to criticize bad code and get ratled by it... My mentor said this to me and added "sometimes it was made by an asshole and sometimes it has a reason"...

So, trying to find out if there's a reason for some of the shit I find and understanding their context helps me be better on dealing with my teams

Whoever decided that working with exclusive check-outs with teams in TFS was a good idea should be shot. What an absolute ball-ache!

Getting the company to sit me down next to one of their teams for a couple of hours. Just see what they're doing. How work is managed, how code reviews are being done.
You want to hire me, not the other way around. But good luck in explaining this when you have to write a doubly linked list in pure C because some guy on a conference said that every dev needs to be able to do that.

Keep product teams out of code logic! Abstract, abstract, abstract...#GoCode

What is your preferred team size? Have you had a better experience working on a larger or smaller team?

One day I'll stop creating bugs on production. I think the last 3 releases I've introduced bugs. They need to hire a tester for our team. The other two teams have dedicated testers. I suck at regression testing.

We have a full architecture deployed in a vm, and two teams works sharing it. All the apps were running as expected, the other team had demo and ask us not deploy anything in server....so we copy the war of our spring boot app to the server (23MB). Server collapse 10' before demo. We said that we weren't. I hate the other TL. I was happy.

Our team moved to scrum a while back. But everybody still does story point estimation by mentally assigning 1 story point for each day of work it would require. :/
On top of that, management compares the performance of two *different* scrum teams based on the story points they finish in a sprint. ://

How would you deal with uncooperative teammates/groupmates?

So, it appears that when you have a disagreement about something with our new head of development, he puts you on a ‘shit’ list and the does everything he can to make you want to quit.

Tried to make out that your not integrating with the teams, excludes you from any discussion that you might have any opinions about, talks down to you and is generally two faced about everything he says.

Well f**k him.

How many of you have a team chant?My team has 'break it' as a chant!

Why the hell do some teams use story points on bugs? I mean, there's a reason why they're called STORY points 😯

How does Microsoft teams have 20 million users when you can even search chat history.?

O.o