!rant

People : Hey, cool wallpaper. Where did you get it from?
Me :

for (Person p : People){
if(p.equals("dev"))
return "It's from somewhere you'd love to be and never come back!";
else
return "Ahh..internet..wait, guess what? Don't bother!";
}

Grumpy cat was in a lot of our internal products, on loading screens and what not, because why not? PM got pissed and said if he sees that fucking cat again blah blah blah. Grumpy cat is now summoned with a Konami code. Grumpy cat will never die.

First proper software dev job, very naive, tasked to write a 'soft switch' for a well known companies set of production lines, depending on what product was being produced at a particular time. Wrote it weeks before the deadline, forgot about it, night before I had a quick review and realised I had missed half the spec aaaand it was going live the following day. Shitting myself I pulled an all nighter, drove to the office at 5am, managed to get it done with minutes to spare for 9am. To my knowledge it's still being used today. I left shortly after that.

Why can't recruiters tell I don't want to play. I've confused myself with my own code and now you're yapping in my ear about candidates wanting to join the company. Go away. Email recruitment@ with a CV. I don't wanna speak to you.

Since when was having 3 spinner styles and 2 pop ups styles a good idea in a SaaS? This baby needs a proper spruce up. I must admit it's not really a rant, I enjoy it, decrapifying the code and general refactoring. This is from a hackathon a good couple of years ago. Finally giving it some TLC. Feels amazing.

Oh teh noes! I best 'repaire' my phone as the battery is severely damaged! Who the hell even does this crap. Shame on them. Like how they used the Android alert UI when they can clearly detect that I'm using an iPhone.

Sometimes I envy the blind because nobody invites them to "let's talk about what colour to make this" meetings

Boss: Why will it take 3 hours? It's just a minor change.

Here for you, just so you cant sleep this night:

while (true) {
new long;
cout<<"Deal with it, motherfucker ";
}

echo "we don't do that 🤔"

!rant: I need a little advice from fellow devs. I've come to the conclusion that development is not the right career path for me, but how to advance from here?

I've worked a little over a year as dev/scrum master and lately I've been assigned small project management tasks. I really liked the project management stuff, and I like talking to stakeholders and converting their ideas into well described requirements and development tasks.

But who will hire a junior level engineer with no formal project manager training or certifications?

What kind of jobs could I apply for?

Who ever does this crap needs to be named and shamed!

Truth exploded..

Was at a farewell party at work yesterday and those of us who are leaving got one each of these... 😂

I 😍 non-ascii characters, how about u?

Oh no, my dear VW, don't tell me you're running on windows.

Messed up dawg.......

When you have trouble naming variables, begin writing the comment for what it should do and the name will come to you :)

Scrum they said.

Credit from imgur

This feeling is good

Stages of being a programmer

FUCKING MERGE REQUESTS

I've been waiting for almost 45 minutes for a Skype interview that was scheduled for 1pm. Come on. What impression do I keep from this company? At least have the fucking decency of saying something after I've sent you a message.
There goes my lunch hour.

Programming facts #1

Harry speaks Python

Well played algo

Found this in the source of http://brm.io/matter-js/ Gonna put this in all HTML pages I write from now on.

// Delivery manager rant part #2

When one of your many stakeholders asks "why isn't feature X built yet?"

Response: have you seen the state of production lately???? Do you really think your item is top of our priority list right now?

Got to a client, we are taking over their software dev and IT.

"you're not touching my code ". Listen fuck twit, a robocopy script is not fucking code.
"I wrote a 3500 line code for this company" no fuck twit, you wrote a whole lot of fucking gibberish that looks like someone shat out BASH and it met html along the way. It doesn't compile, it doesn't run, it's a fucking dormant file. You charged people for shit all.

Setting up exchange is also not a big whoop.

Moving them over to CentOS server (he had them on XP still), and writing enough code to qualm my frustration at people.

Me and my git repo