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Friend: "What is devRant?"
Me: "A place where programmers tell jokes and complain."
Friend: "Why dont you just do that irl?"
Me: "Because we never test in production"13 -
A tcp packet walks in to a bar and says “I want a beer”, barman says “you want a beer?” and tcp packet says “yes, a beer” .
In high society, TCP is more welcome than UDP. At least it knows a proper handshake.
A bunch of TCP packets go into a bar, until it’s overcrowded. The next day, half as many go in.
A bunch of TCP packets walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Hang on just a second, I need to close the window.”
When I try to send SYNs to chicks, I don’t get any ACKs. Just FINs and RSTs.
IP packet with TTL=1 arrives at bar. Bartender: “Sorry, can’t let you leave…and you don’t get any beer either…”
The worst part about token ring jokes is that if someone starts telling one while you are telling yours, all joking stops.
The great thing about TCP jokes is that you always get them.
The problem with TCP jokes is that people keep retelling them slower until you get them.
I would tell some UDP jokes too but I never know if anyone gets them
The best thing about UDP jokes is that I don’t care if you get them or not.
I had a funny UDP joke to tell, but I lost it somewhere...
The sad thing about IPv6 jokes is that almost no one understands them and no one is using them yet.
I tried to come up with an IPv4 joke, but the good ones were all already exhausted.
A DHCP packet walks into a bar and asks for a beer. Bartender says: “here, but I’ll need that back in an hour!
DHCP jokes only work when there is only one person telling them
The worst part of SSH jokes is that, even when they're not funny, you suck it up and just pretend they were anyway.
The problem with token ring jokes is you need to wait your turn to laugh
I’d make a joke about UDP, but I don’t know if anyone’s actually listening…11 -
Basically my life:
1. Work
2. Game
3. Work on a project nobody will ever use
4. Food
5. Make offensive jokes about WW223 -
The most valuable skill I get from my computer science study is understanding the jokes on devrant :)2
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>be me.
>never understood jokes about linux users fucking shit up
>starts using linux
>day 3 manages to fuck shit up
>ooooohhh12 -
“My Boss arrived at work in a brand new Ferrari.
I told him: “Wow that’s a nice car”.
He replied:
“If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for ''Excellence'', I'll get another one next year”.”
Source:
Reddit
My boss arrived at work in a brand-new Lamborghini. • r/Jokes3 -
Is it just me or do others also think programmer jokes like "...converts caffeine and pizza into software" and similar to be fucking annoying?7
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A guy is sitting at a bar when the guy next to him lights up a cigarette. Horrified, the guy turns to him and says "hey! Don't you know the surgeon general warns that cigarettes can cause cancer!?" The guy next to him replies "I'm a software developer, I don't care about warnings. Only errors"2
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Every time someone posts yet another sudo joke, with all the originality of those BSOD jokes nobody's ever heard before, some god kills a kitten.
3 -
Sometimes I wonder what my non tech friends think about my search history ...
Source: https://hackernoon.com/15-jokes-onl...
1 -
me: do you know what is so great about UDP jokes?
you: No
me: the fact that i don't care if you got them.1 -
Oh, it's been awful. A mandated email about washing hands. A slurry of awful jokes every time someone sneezes. Send help.8
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I don't wanna be that guy that posts jokes here but thought this one was pretty good:
What's the most popular language in programming?...
...Profanity6 -
1.) Please make WordPress die();
2.) Please prevent recruiters from getting my contact info.
3.) Please ban all "coder meme/joke" sites from instagram. They repost long dead jokes and the jokes don't even make sense if you know how to code.8 -
bool success = false
if !success {
success = try()
}
if !success {
success = try()
}
if !success {
throw new GiveUpException()
}8 -
This is not facebook, but somehow yhis site has attracted who are virtually, mentally incapable of differentiating between their script kiddy hacker facebook group and anything that can be called a social media platform.
Sorting by recent and daring to toggle on jokes/memes is a pure shitshow of freshly created accounts who post "memes" of the same purity as their mother. And to finish it off they add that super relatable comment "hahah", "funny" and a couple of emojis. Totally makes me wonder if I end up being called comedy god for posting "peepee poopoo" on the site they "shared" it from.
Yes, shared and not stolen for the sake of that little dopamine rush when they see that 4 other people who try to escape their shitty form of reality thought you deserve to be proud for those couple of finger movements you used to put this on devrant and not to jack off.
Not even that spares you from their awful humor, because thanks to their disability to red, they think they can just smash that big red button and post their garbage in the wrong category, yet somehow they have the obligation to add an absurd amount of tags telling you that they've tried to post a joke and I honestly feel sorry for the database table who has to store so variations of "jokes/meme" for this shit.
Thr quality of these memes degrades with each time I open devrant, just like my patience for these shitposters.
I've seen a couple of people who cancled their monthly subscription for devrant, to show their discontent with these user and my urge to do the same has gotten stronger recently.
DevRant as it is right now is on it best way to stray away further from what it meant to be every day12 -
I've been using Vim for like a year and a half, mainly because I dont know how to exit...
Just Kidding!
Ah, I miss Vim jokes3 -
When you discover #C0FFEE is not a drink but a color.
(Sadly it's not brown but a strange light green)3 -
Hello World! (LOL),
Anyways, jokes aside. I am new to this app and I like to meet the community here!8 -
After a week of using DevRant, it looks more like a book of jokes for developers, than a social platform for serious discussion of developers stuff. :(27
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Another non programming related rant although kinda tech related.
So I work in a distribution center and today I learned box packing.
1. THEIR LEGACY ASS SYSTEM ONLY RUNS ON IE (FUCK ME IN THE ASS SIDEWAYS PLEASE).
2. SYSTEM CONSTANTLY FREEZES.
3. THE HAND SCANNERS RUN ON AN OLD FUCKING LEGACY WINDOWS (PRE 2000 I THINK) SYSTEM AND IS SLOW AS MOTHERFUCKING HELL.
Yes, it is VERY frustrating to have to work with this FUCKING SHIT THE WHOLE MOTHERFUCKING DAY.
Plus side today, the locations I had to pick from today included 200, 403 and 404. Had loads of inside jokes about not being able to find locations and not having permission etc 😆6 -
Not a rant: Devrant is the only place where i can write or read programming jokes that do not feel like UDP requests.2
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Me while strugglin CS College shits
*1st year looking at programming jokes / memes*
Me : I don't get it, it's already hard enough and I must try to understand the jokes? 😐
*2nd year*
Me : *strugglin with group projects and wondering why I'm still here*
*3rd year*
Me : *strugglin to keepin my grades so I can graduate in time, startin to looking for internships / jobs...
and then...found out there's an app named devRant*
Me again after scrolling devRant for 2 days : "I get it, these whole 3 years studying CS just so I can understand better these programming / dev jokes 😂😂"
*But still stressed out*4 -
Lately, I have been seeing more of devJokes than devRant. Even I've got some UDP jokes, but I'm afraid no one might get it.3
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Night at my girlfriend family... to celebrate both her and her sister birthday...
Offensive comments, jokes and pure irrespect about being a dev, having a beard and being quiet, from the guests.
Her actual family is really nice.
I swear... if I hear one more joke about my beard!
The only interesting person, her aunt, just left...
Back to stupid jokes and fake laughs.7 -
My next year's resolution is not to make more geeky jokes however my current resolution will remain 1920 x 1080 for a while.
#HappyNewYear1 -
*Me seeing a good rant on devRant.
Wow I have a good thoughts I should comment on it..
*Open Rant, 76 comments (started to be related to the content then won't anymore, jokes and internal jokes)
Oh shit, it'll be useless.. *continue scrolling4 -
When your boss or client comes to you and asks if it's done, but also has a ton of changes they want to see implemented 😓
1 -
I'm sick and tired of reading jokes about PHP, JavaScript and Java. They reflect the situation from 10 years ago. Modern state of the languages is much nicer, lots of problems have been addressed. People don't realize how irrelevant their jokes really are. If your language of choice is stagnant and has not changed, you should not extrapolate.7
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My friend cracked that UDP joke in an interview!
wham! He's now a networking engineer at Cisco! :D
Moral: Learn all the classic jokes before giving an interview!4 -
Psst, tech world, fuck you and your so called April fucking Fools jokes. They are anticipated, way too obvious and are not even remotely funny.7
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Dank Learning, Generating Memes with Deep Learning !!
Now even machine can crack jokes better than Me 😣
https://web.stanford.edu/class/...
2 -
🤔🤔🤔. As much as i love jokes on javascript, i hate dumb jokes. Someone just called me a mansplainer (first time i heard that word though).
12 -
!rant
Told a friend I was just killing time. He said "I feel sorry for time. People have been trying to kill it for years."5 -
You know since everyone is starting to make jokes about wannacry, why don't we make the mother of all wannacry jokes, a full page website that looks exactly like the computer was infected5
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The person who I was closest to in the workplace is leaving and everyone else is a "professional employee" and they make "work safe jokes" that deserves "polite laughter" now everyone looses their shit if I let out the f word. I guess I will have my next free conversation with the goldfish.8
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As a guy who hates touching anything attached to the name "JavaScript"... Vue is pretty cool. I kind of like it. I suddenly don't hate building a website. I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore.6
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Let's split joke and meme into two different categories so that we can have shitty memes under one tag and (hopefully OC) jokes in the other. Then we could filter out low effort memes and still get the occasion joke. We need jokes.3
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Tom Gauld, master of literature- and science-related jokes, and one of my favourite cartoonists, just posted this.
Source: http://myjetpack.tumblr.com/post/...
2 -
I think joke section is a joke itself. If I want to see cringy jokes, I would google image search “developer humor”.3
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All these devs making jokes about their wives.... Well, joke's on you, I see straight through your bullshit. There's no way this many devs got married.8
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Everytime you see a newbie developer, please tell him to stop making jokes on hacking nasa with html3
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i have a test at 8am , and I'm still here doing nothing but staying awake and reading jokes.
I'm sure as fuck that I'm gonna regret this tomorrow morning.2 -
So I kinda like the jokes that come through devrant. So I thought I would go to the source on r/programmerhumor or whatever its called. I spent about 5 minutes wading through a cesspool of bad jokes and shitty ads.
I am back to just seeing the distilled less shitty experience on devrant. I have no desire to go to the source again.5 -
I'm here for screenshots of popular Reddit, Twitter jokes. This is why this platform was developed for.3
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How many developers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Who gives a fuck the jokes been done before -
I don't know what i could write to get sticker... I'm no dad... I'm not home... I dont want to post already postet jokes... Mehh...3
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As a dev fresh out of college, it's going to be awesome when I start to understand some of the high level jokes on here.3
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For all the Java jokes I see here and people bashing the language, are there any Java devs here? If you are a Java dev, do you enjoy it?10
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A colleague at work always says L.O.L. to jokes instead of actually laughing. So fucking annoying I feel like punching him in the face! 😤11
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Can I complain most of the memes or jokes in this platform have been overused
I'm usually not the one to speak but sometimes I just see overused jokes or those stolen from Reddit.
Have some originality
(and before you ask, my own memes are on Reddit as well. I repost my own memes, not someone else's)8 -
Got talked into watching Demolition Man today.
Corny jokes, lousy shots, all the things that made me realise that 90s movies are sooo much better than 19 movies -
DevRant is making shit jokes at 3AM in comments with tech strangers online
Have a good weekend 💃🕺11 -
I hear so many rants/jokes about making releases on Friday evenings. But my new team makes almost all releases on Friday evenings 😶😶1
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Non-tech: "You're really classy aren't you?"
Me: "Damn straight! Bet you'd like to define me."
Non-tech: "Wut..."
My jokes are wasted :/1 -
Probably when I took my first dip into scripting and realized it was possible to inject stupid jokes into any website I knew.1
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I learned how to code so I could build my startup ideas. Jokes on me, now I'm just a full time dev.1
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If we could lay off the LinkedIn jokes, that would be great. These things are already more stale than a 100 year old bagel, K? Thanks. The rest of the dev community thanks you. 🙄3
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What about using "$" after punctuation to indicate $ARCASM?
e.g. I barely see people's jokes being misunderstood in devrant!$8 -
Bragging about knowing how to hack the company's emails definitely gets you into trouble. And then coming out clean and saying it was all a bluff still gets you into trouble. Hacking jokes in the office is same as a bomb joke in public(crowded) places.
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Hooray, i got laid off! Time for something fresh and new. All jokes aside: this happens every 2 years. I need help.3
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Alike wizards are frowned upon to use magic in front of muggles, we developers are to do the same with our programming jokes.
Those muggles shit never get my sorting jokes 😒😒4 -
Alright i make jokes alot of times for fist over ip but damn there's just so fucking many people that it could be useful on. Somebody needs to figure this shit out where i can go dark side and just choke a dumbass no class asshole out.
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I have been trying to come up with some funny oil jokes. My wife said they were all crude.
I am feeling a bit boolean. I am either on or off.
I shouldn't try to make up jokes. I have to face it that they are a shade unfunny.2 -
is soo cool when people is up to joke around with my bad jokes.
-- Talking with a coworker about a new button in a results table --
dude: hey jhon, I'll name the button 'SHOW RESULTS' and the endpoint will be named that too. cuz there is a 'SHOW STATS' already
me: dunno, use something more meaningful, this is about unparsed results, right? so what about...
me: unparsed results ? unparsed stats ?
me: another one bites the dust? show must go on?
me: innuendo?
me: pick one 8D . But I think innuendo is pretty descriptive
dude: ok
me: seriously, 'show unparsed stats'
dude: got it
-- then the dude sends me the screenshot --
me: LOL, 8D
me: you got my respect man (_ _)
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It's funny how in a social situation, I'm either being awkward as all he'll or just in a corner making bad jokes on devRant.2
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Hey guys, today some friends of me showed me this shirt on amazon. I don't understand this joke/ jokes. Can someone explain please?
6 -
When you get on devRant expecting to make yourself feel better with others' shittier lives as devs and instead see people posting jokes and happy stuff.1
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This app (https://f-droid.org/app/...) is bugging me for months. I have the feeling that one is possible and the others are just jokes.
4 -
I don't like any jokes and pranks. As I don't understand any of them (obviously, they mostly aren't space or cryptography related) I don't ever do any pranks...1
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Had an skype job interview, at some point the interviewer asked me to tell a joke. I told a dead baby joke. I dont know normal jokes. I am not normal either. Dont think he enjoyed it.3
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Woo-hoo! Today I built a booby detector using amazon rekognition technology. Let the jokes begin!!!8
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Son: Dad jokes are just bad.
Me: That is why they are called "bad jokes".
Son: I hate you...
Me: I know.1 -
https://www.devrant.io/feed/top/854
I was able to find the last page of devRant using a script. It's a cesspool of reposts and bad jokes XD1 -
ive recently started to study chemical engineering and most of the people there never even heard of java or html. only a few people understands jokes about computers. the people i know who understand these jokes all study in other cities. so after i talked to a friend of mine about my studies he showed me devRant and i love it. so hello folks youve got a new member XD3
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We need a code shortcode here for more dev jokes.
[code]
if (int devrantpoints <= 10 && bathroombreak) {
cout << newrant ();
}
[/code] -
Can we also quit with the Internet Explorer jokes? The browser is pretty good now-- and this is coming from a diehard Firefox fanboy. IE jokes are STALE. Thank you.4
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devRant without bugs (there are few), but with all of you (our community). ♥️
Except for the people who post jokes or memes without the appropriate tags!1 -
so I am doing a project with a guy from other country and he never entered on Facebook after my last update. i dont know if it's because of my pink panther jokes in the comments or because of the shit code. it's been 3 days since :02
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So, I started fiddling around APIs which returned data in JSON and parse that data in PHP and it feels so good.... Past 3 days I've been in deep learning PHP and practically $this is the best thing....
I need recommendations for such APIs, so far I've used
1. Chuck Norris Jokes (http://api.icndb.com/jokes/random/)
2. User's IP Address and details (http://ip-api.com/php/)
What would you recommend, let me know..1 -
Being a development project manager is laughing at developer jokes with developers and then laughing at the developers with the business folks4
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Seriously going to make submit buttons only work if you double click them. Jokes, I disable after the first click, I disable... 🙄
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I've deployed a website with jokes, a personal project, in two languages, Greek and English, using Django.
www.frapemou.com
It doesn't have many jokes yet, but I was just wondering if you guys could take a look and give me your opinion. I'm very new to web development and it would be really helpfull...5 -
Can we just auto down doot all joke posts? All possible programming jokes already have been said and we already reached all combinations of them.
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When a coder doesn’t get his morning coffee; don’t mess with him, even the codes don’t try to mess with them. In this programming jokes, relation between programmer and caffeine is explained.
if (coffee.Empty)
{
coffee.Refill();
}
else
{
coffee.Drink();
}
2 -
Found some funny jokes e.g.:
Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
Look at : http://codesqueeze.com/the-ultimate... -
I've been working on a problem for the last few hours and not getting anywhere ... so here are a jokes ... coz im bored
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and an agnostic?
Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid , it's ok I can stop when I want
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what type of monkey explodes - a Baboom
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my brother has. taken being sent to jail really. He has been refusing food and drink, spitting and scratching anyone who comes near and he smeared the walls with his s**t.
I'm not inviting him to monopoly night again. -
There are 10 types of people in this world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.
copied from https://entechts.com/blog/2019/...3 -
So tonight I'm switching a client over from one cloud to another...
Perfect opportunity for some April Fools jokes 😁2 -
This is a PJ :
Teacher: What is 2 + 2?
Me: 22
Teacher: no.it's four
Me: dumbass
Teacher: What does it means??
Me: The pretty and well-mannered answer you give someone if they correct you.
Teacher: Oh! you are a good boy.2 -
I am building a funtime app with full stack concept where I show jokes on famous personalities.. I have few examples from greats like, Jackie Chan, Rajanikanth, Chuck Norris etc... Do you know any other personalities on whom fumourous jokes are famous?
Please name them...And if possible some links to jokes..
P.S. ++ is guerenteed 😁😁😁1 -
Huh jokes on you AI! We would have destroyed the planet with a nuclear war before you even become that mature.1
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I’ve noticed a large uptick in these AI = if statement jokes. Is there a catalyst for this or am I just noticing them more?1
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Is it possible to hide rants with certain tags? I am not interested in the jokes and memes, just want furious rants.2
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