What do you call a party with developers?

A git together

I'm so sorry.

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

"my app is so awesome you don't even have to close it, it crashes itself automatically. "

"Please disable AdBlock to view the content."

No. I'll just leave. Bye.

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

Showed this error to my other half and was told "sounds like a regular Saturday night then"

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

"Knock Knock"

"Who's there?" 

- DoS Attack

Today we interviewed a _very_ good Angular1 Dev, by chance we showed him the forked ngRouter module we use, after some debate he explained that we were using it incorrectly.. I asked if he'd used it before to which he responded:

"Yeah, I'm the guy who built it"

😅

A group of wolves is called a pack.

A group of crows is called a murder.

A group of developers is called a merge conflict.

Developer: We have a problem.
Manager: Remember, there are no such things as problems, only opportunities.
Developer: Well then, we have a DDoS opportunity.

My girlfriend dumped me after I named a class after her. She felt I treated her like an object.

"A different error message! Finally some progress!"

When you chop down a tree it does not magically levitate because you misconfigured the chainsaw.

Lumberjack or carpenter would be a good life for me. Just being able to do something with physical consequences.

Am I the only engineer that has a terrible time with relationships(not db relationship lol) I get so caught up in work.

How do y’all manage?