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Joined devRant on 11/18/2017
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Shittiest rant of the week. Winter isn't the happiest time of the year to begin with, and now you're reminding 40k devs that they have no friends.13
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The highest data transfer rate today - 256 gigabytes per second - was achieved when the cleaner's vacuum cleaner accidentally sucked the flash drive in from the floor.8
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I hired a woman for senior quality assurance two weeks ago. Impressive resume, great interview, but I was met with some pseudo-sexist puzzled looks in the dev team.
Meeting today. Boss: "Why is the database cluster not working properly?"
Team devs: "We've tried diagnosing the problem, but we can't really find it. It keeps being under high load."
New QA: "It might have something to do with the way you developers write queries".
She pulls up a bunch of code examples with dozens of joins and orderings on unindexed columns, explains that you shouldn't call queries from within looping constructs, that it's smart to limit the data with constraints and aggregations, hints at where to actually place indexes, how not to drag the whole DB to the frontend and process it in VueJS, etc...
New QA: "I've already put the tasks for refactoring the queries in Asana"
I'm grinning, because finally... finally I'm not alone in my crusade anymore.
Boss: "Yeah but that's just that code quality nonsense Bittersweet always keeps nagging about. Why is the database not working? Can't we just add more thingies to the cluster? That would be easier than rewriting the code, right?"
Dev team: "Yes... yes. We could try a few more of these aws rds db.m4.10xlarge thingies. That will solve it."
QA looks pissed off, stands up: "No. These queries... they touch the database in so many places, and so violently, that it has to go to therapy. That's why it's down. It just can't take the abuse anymore. You could add more little brothers and sisters to the equation, but damn that would be cruel right? Not to mention that therapy isn't exactly cheap!"
Dev team looks annoyed at me. My boss looks even more annoyed at me. "You hired this one?"
I keep grinning, and I nod.
"I might have offered her a permanent contract"45 -
Just want to recommend the DevRant stress ball. I wasn't quite sure how to use it (it doesn't come with instructions) but since stuffing mine down the PM's throat my stress level has reduced dramatically.4
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Rule 34 ½: For every programming problem, there is already related XKCD, StackOverflow question and indian guy explaining it on YouTube. <323
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I just spoke to somebody who said she has learnt jQuery and javascript is next on her list of things to learn.
It makes me want to cry.4