The highest data transfer rate today - 256 gigabytes per second - was achieved when the cleaner's vacuum cleaner accidentally sucked the flash drive in from the floor.

Solving crashes via *big data*

Interviewing a Data Scientist

Updated description!
Fuck Wordpress in the ass with a new kind of cms. Make devs happy with clean code. And Laravel

BIG DATA reality..

So a friend of Mine asked me to check their Mail server because some emails got lost. Or had a funny signature.

Mails were sent from outlook so ok let's do this.

I go create a dummy account, and send/receive a few emails. All were coming in except one and some had a link appended. The link was randomly generated and was always some kind of referral.

Ok this this let's check the Mail Server.

Nothing.

Let's check the mail header. Nothing.

Face -> wall

Fml I want to cry.

Now I want to search for a pattern and write a script which sends a bunch of mails on my laptop.
Fuck this : no WLAN and no LAN Ports available. Fine let's hotspot the phone and send a few fucking mails.

Guess what? Fucking cockmagic, no funny mails appear!

At that moment I went out and was like chainsmoking 5 cigarettes.

BAM!

It hit me! A feeling like a unicorn vomiting rainbows all over my face.

I go check their firewall. Shit redirected all email ports from within the network to another server.

Yay nobody got credentials because nobody new it existed. Damn boy.

Hook on to the hostmachine power down the vm, start and hack yourself a root account before shit boots. Luckily I just forgot the credentials to a testvm some time ago so I know that shit. Lesson learned: fucking learn from your mistakes, might be useful sometimes!

Ok fucker what in the world are you doing.

Do some terminal magic and see that it listens on the email ports.

Holy cockriders of the galaxy.

Turns out their former it guy made a script which caught all mails from the server and injected all kind of bullshit and then sent them to real Webserver. And the reason why some mails weren't received was said guy was too dumb to implement Unicode and some mails just broke his script.

That fucker even implented an API to pull all those bullshit refs.

I know your name "Matthias" and I know where you live and what you've done... And to fuck you back for that misery I took your accounts and since you used the same fucking password for everything I took your mail, Facebook and steam account too.

Git gut shithead! You better get a lawyer

Data Structures...

Where are the BIG data guys ?

Data Manipulation...

Source: Analytics Vidhya

I need a site with seo and advertisement.

The page should make about 750€ per month. I will only pay after site is complete and pays out.

You will get 150€

"I am still cleaning the data"
- A data scientist's equivalent of 'It's compiling'

If(foo ==exactlyTheValueThatBreaksCodeForNoReason) { return }

Swag of a Data Scientist 😎

My first boss. He sat next to me yelling “Think before you code“, “Hands away from the keyboard“ and stuff like that at me while doing my first few codings ever. He even made me cry from the pressure. Afterwards he bought me a muffin and told me he wants me to be a better programmer than he ever was

Found a private api key on a github project. Created a pull request with key changed to “TH1S5HOULDB3SECR3T!iMBECIL5“ comment was “security fix“ i wonder if they accept

This is how my day has gone so far:
1. In car, see advert about hackathon
2. Look it up, see tickets go on sale in 30mins
3. Read more about hackathon, apparently tickets go within minutes
4. Get tickets, print
5. Printer out of ink
6. Accidentally deleted ticket, can't reprint
7. No more tickets left so can't get another
8. Spend hours with data recovery tools
9. Remember recycle bin. Reprint ticket
10. Cry
11. Rant on devRant

This is dedicated to all Webdevs, especially those WordPress fanboys.

I was reflecting on some things since I do more frequent freelance jobs at the time. And I have to admit: people are fucking crazy.

I had some serious talk with customers and some serious talk for people I work as subsidiary.

The average customer thinks a nice webpage costs I'm 9-50 bucks. They got some shitty Webhosting for 1-5$/month including domain and think they are set.

They have unclear visions about what they actually want, it all boils down to "I like the design". I made a page for someone who just posted images, no text nothing and I told him a trillion times NEEDS some text, even a fucking picture description would be sufficient, else he'll never score anything at google.

Ofc it got denied, now he's bitching how nobody finds the site when they google his name. The other thing is that Wordpress became the solution for everything.

I'm a fucking certified magento developer and I hate magento with a passion. Magento is an overabstracted clusterfuck and believe me, I did the certification I had to learn more than average about the core. But damn, don't slap woocommerce on everything.

Narrowninded fucktards, the cheap out of the box solution isn't always the best.

Don't cry if you got hacked because you were too dumb to upgrade your wordpress. Don't tell me to do some "enhancements" on a server you probably share with 100 other uses. I can't fix your Webserver with your shitty ftp account.

I also hate WordPress with a burning passion. Cum guzzling cavetroll it is. It has it usages, but don't rely on a core So small every kind of extra functionality has to somehow tinkered on it and then expect it to work flawlessly and for 10$ price.

Of course you can buy a theme that, if it would have been special made for you cost 800$ or more, but it wasn't. It just looks like it from the outside. If you want customization you are at the mercy of the option it provides. I can't even tell how many times i spent whole evenings explaining how their shiny template works. Just to do some crazy shit with JavaScript like rearranging domelements because it didn't work as expected.

I still stay to my word. Nothing great has been nor will be created with a Wordpress core. Don't tell me how some great stuff has been achieved. Or wait, please do so. But before you do think about if that wouldn't been faster, cheaper, more reliable , etc... if done with a framework like symphony or laravel... or even zend or cake.

And that brings me back to the point:
Is cheap and "out of the box" really what you need and desire? As customer and as developer?

What an awful day :(

The server where I host my 4 clients websites crashed.

Unable to reboot from the console.

I contact the support. 15 minutes later: "we'll look at this"

No news for 1 week despite my messages.

Then... 1st ticket escalation... 2nd ticket escalation... 3rd ticket escalation...

Answer: "Sorry, your server is down and cannot be repaired."

Fuck.

I ask "is there any way to get my data back?". Answer: "No, because we would shutdown the whole bay and all our clients would be impacted".

Fuck.

I subscribe to another server, at another provider.

I look at my backups... shit, the last one is 4 month ago!!

I restore the first website: OK

I restore the second website: OK

I restore the third website: My new server is "too recent" and not compatible. with this old Wordpress. Fuck! I'll look at this later...

I restore the fourth website: database is empty!! What??? I look at the SQL backup for this site... it failed...

I lost ALL my 4th client data!!!

I'm sooooo piece of crap!

Microsoft be like: Do you want to send us data? Yes or Yes?

Best licence ever

I’ve been thinking lately, what is it that devRant devs do?
So after a couple of days of pulling data from devRants API's, filtering through the inconsistent skill set data of about 500 users (seriously guys, the comma is your friend) i’ve found an interesting set of languages being used by everyone.

I've limited this to just languages, as dwelling into frameworks, libraries and everything else just grows exponentially, also ive only included languages with at least 5 users out of the pool.
sorry you brainfuck guys.

Facebook: "Our facial recognition automatically tags people in pictures."

Tesla: "Our deep learning algorithm drives cars by itself."

Andrew Ng: "I predict patients' likelihood of dying with 99% accuracy."

Google: "You know one of our algorithms is going to pass the Turing test very soon."

Wall Street: "We use satellite images to predict stock prices based how filled car parks of specific stores are."

The remaining majority of data sciencists: "We overfit linear models."

Professor essentially doing a dance to show data visualisation:
“Hey pay attention! I’m trading my dignity for your education”

Why would a keyboard store 155 MB data?
Oh wait! It's Google's keyboard

"My teacher always said that data redundancy is a really bad thing."

Was recently phone interviewed by a recruiter that asked "So do you know data structures and algorithms?" I replied "That's like asking someone if they know Mathematics - can you be a bit more specific?"

Why data sanitization is important.

PM used his wife's data in testing against legacy data.
Discovered she had different social number before they met.
Apparently she was also a he.....

Might be a interesting evening for him.

!rant
Yesterday i updated my LinkedIn title to Data scientist.
Today morning i got 3 phone calls for job offers.

"Remove it i don't want it" - display: none !important;

When you have to figure out whether it's better to transfer 85GB of data via internet or to load it onto a harddrive and drive it 600 km/ 370 miles in your car.

Data structures.... The easy way....

I hate it when clients force me to fix their fucking magentos with crappy javascript fuckarrounds because the shop is already a huge pile of fuck with window resize events fucking up all onservers. 4 jquery includes all messed up fucking each other in a cum gobbling bukkake because you never know which jQuery, $j, jsm or jFuckYou is bound to which library. I know i have to spill my own fuck all over that fuck. Frontpage slider is raping the search results for slides leaving dead meat in the results foreever. Fuck your fucking fuck you fucking fucker.

A CMS raping WordPress so hard up the ass till there is no tomorrow. I hate that bastardized piece of fuck. “Hey I want you to fix my page and its wordpress. I pay 20 bucks.“ Well fuck you too sir. Wordpress is no cms you wanna be coders. Get back to your fucking photoshop and design something original! Every fucking wp page looks the same. Every “nice feature“ is some kind of monkeypatched workarround. No problem i set preview pictures for every post just to enable some weird slider to function.

I also love those buttfucked files with just a “require foo“ which also just requires “bar“. Drop that fuck. Implement autoloading. Nobody uses php4 anymore step into the future. “easy to learn“ fuck me and fuck you untill you vomit jizz! Clusterfucked spaghetticode thats easy, easy to put another rotten load of clusterfuck on top. Also those security features. I put an empty index.php to prevent directory traversal. N I C E! Stop using wordpress as CMS, its a blog engine. Nothing great has every been written on top of wordpress and never will. I dare you to deny everything related to it and if you are one of those designer guyd, you can gargle my jizz you fucknut!

Starting 2017 i will start a counter and rape every 10th Wordpress which gets abused as cms i encounter into oblivion on their 0,99$ webhosting shit.

Fuck this I'm so mad about that crap

I just told a colleague of mine, and worst programmer i got to know, to call me the alchemist.
Because I'm the one turning his shit to gold

I fucking hate python and myself even more. Python is easy they say, Python has nice syntax but fuck you . Fuck you seriously I cringe if I see non-c-like syntax. Every time I leave my comfort zone I get fucked over by damn semicolons. Fuck this imports i don't know your damn library. But god damn In far too advanced for hello world. There are two versions and the lib I want to use is incompatible? Well fuck me? That kind of shit never hit me on PHP. Damn me! Fuck you python. I want to know you but you fuck me harder than life. GEHÖRT? DU FICKST MICH HÄRTE ALS DAS LEBEN DU HURENSOHN!!!!

What is even your problem? Indentation? Well thank you for not having braces! I mean come on I try, I really do. I know you are different but every thing I want to learn about you is either for uber beginners or so advanced I don't even know what's going on. Do magical shit in a few lines? What the fuck is in those packages? A wizard full filling whishes like "plz make this work"?

But don't worry you cum snorting unicorn as much as I hate you I'm more mad about me for not being a descendant of fucking slytherin!

Did you know?
This rant is a part of the 3 quintillion bytes of data that the world generated today.

Devrant api for data warehouse school assignment, yay or nay?

I've dreamed of learning business intelligence and handling big data.

So I went to an university info event today for "MAS Data Science".

Everything's sounded great. Finding insights out of complex datasets, check! Great possibilities and salery.

Yay! 😀

Only after an hour they've explained that the main focus of this course is on leading a library, museum or an archive. 😟 huh why? WTF?

Turns out, they've relabled their librarian education course to Data science for getting peoples attention.

Hey you cocksuckers! I want my 2 hours of wasted life time back!
Fuck this "english title whitewashing"

"Big data" and "machine learning" are such big buzz words. Employers be like "we want this! Can you use this?" but they give you shitty, ancient PC's and messy MESSY data. Oh? You want to know why it's taken me five weeks to clean data and run ML algorithms? Have you seen how bad your data is? Are you aware of the lack of standardisation? DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE MISSPELLED "information"?!!! I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THERE WERE MORE THAN 15 WAYS OF MISSPELLING IT!!! I HAD TO MAKE MY OWN GODDAMN DICTIONARY!!! YOU EVER FELT THE PAIN OF TRAINING A CLASSIFIER FOR 4 DAYS STRAIGHT THEN YOUR GODDAMN DEVICE CRASHES LOSING ALL YOUR TRAINED MODELS?!!
*cries*

Sometimes I think back to all the funny shit that happened and how simple stuff fucks everyone

- tired Database engineer deleting (not dropping, literally rm -rf) the database files on the wrong server

- Microsoft delivering viruses through updates

- Pissed and stubborn dev deleting his one line library repo which does something like removing a char left side of string fucking an unmeasurable amount of other projects

- Adobe getting hacked and exposed for storing passwords in plain texts

- a doubled line causing a bug called heartbleed in a fuckton of webservers

- a Tutorial Company getting kicked from github because their repo got so big github staff had to maintain the repo manually

- and an old one: bad code crashed a space shuttle

I copied with ctrl+c
I pasted with ctrl+v
I aborted with ctrl+c

On a windows cmd

So today I made a mock exam of data science.

“Never,never, never, NEVER eat raw userinput“

Referring to stuff like “insert into foo (bar) values ($_POST[username])“

Happy data privacy day!

That feeling you get in the pit of your stomach after realizing you just caused data loss.

Hljkklkljkljlklgjkglgkgglglglglglgl

Hey guys
So, why so many rants about Facebook now?
I already knew that Facebook sells our data for a few years.... Didn't anyone else knew before that stupid #deletefacebook campaign?

$50,000+ Computer Science fucking diploma, yet here I am on a Sunday evening doing data entry coz there is no one else to do it!

Preface: My company took over another company. A week ago I inherited their IT.

"IT" !!!! Are you fucking kidding me?!

Their server stood at an ex employees homeoffice. So I drove to her and she had 0 idea about IT. Server was just "Running". I tore that fuck down and saw an aweful lot of Hentai in all home folders.

WTF?!

Not enough, their crm was a makroinfested access table. Shit was protected so I couldn't even edit the makros. The retarded fucktards hardcoded paths to serverside folder \\fuck\you\hard\cavetroll

Just so that server will never see the light of my domain! Damn you? Mothership of sisterfucking dickgirls!

I asked a question at stackoverflow related to MySQL. I tried to explain everything a good as I could.

Now i go for a cigarette and expect a -5 when I come back....

Are we just programmed to stay awake all night? Even if we have nothing to do?

Like, it's 4 a.m. in my country and I just can't fucking sleep! What is this?!

So, What should it be pronounced, 'Data' or 'Data' ?
😕

Searching for a lib.
Find it on google code.
Moved to github.
No commit in 5 years.

Hope there is no Data Scientist here...

I'm starting to hate js. Every library needs atleast 1000 other libs. I just blew the node_modules folder to 100mb with just one npm require

Coworker: so once the algorithm is done I will append new columns in the sql database and insert the output there

Me: I don't like that, can we put the output in a separate table and link it using a foreign key. Just to avoid touching the original data, you know, to avoid potential corruption.

C: Yes sure.

< Two days later - over text >

C: I finished the algo, i decided to append it to the original data in order to avoid redundancy and save on space. I think this makes more sense.

Me: ahdhxjdjsisudhdhdbdbkekdh

No. Learn this principal:
" The original data generated by the client, should be treated like the god damn Bible! DO NOT EVER CHANGE ITS SCHEMA FOR A 3RD PARTY CALCULATION! "

Put simply: D.F.T.T.O
Don't. Fucking. Touch. The. Origin!

340 MB in 9 days, that's quite a bit of data for a therapeutic app 😀

I recently ranted so much about languages but here it goes

JS we need to talk. BECAUSE YOU GOT FAT AND UGLY STUPID BITCH! Dumb piece of bloatware. What even is your problem? Depending on a library for strpad and then blow up like Steve jobs ego. Bastardized fuckfest. I used to like you bro and then you screw me over!
It's like you fuck my wife while I try to fix your car. Why can't you even be usefully on your own anymore? I'd be richer than bill gates if I get a dollar for every damn framework people pull from their asses. Are you writing this fuck while shitting so you can compare colors of your outcome?

Normalize the fucking base, don't add to the bukkakke! bitch is drowning already. Why is everyone jerking of to react and angular? When have YOU written something in vanilla the last time? Why even bother? Remove the core and hardcore every damn framework into the browsers. Guess that saves you 200kb. Oh wait I forgot that's about unminified jQuery.

Now I need to load about 2GB of dependencies, some creating code that puts code in my code to load code out of my code which was generated out of something that remotely resembles JS so every browser is able to execute my fancy shit. But hey, it's fast. And of course there are the fanboys. You are worse than apple fags. You sample your own jizz with your friends in a wine glass. there was a Time it was bad practice to mix logic and view. Now you made it mandatory. "Browser does the rendering" ofc you imbecile pile of fuck don't show me a damn preloader for 1 picture and 20 lines of text. Who fucked your brain so hard?

So react seems to be the cool kid now, then I tell someone I know angular it's like showing up in a pikachu onsie to a formal dinner with the queen.

I used to love you girl. I loved how we could dirty things together. Now you are like a pig. Please loose weight bby the sight of you disgusts me nowadays

Windows: Would you like me to give all your data to MS or somewhat less data?
Me: Well .. I guess .. I'll choose the Basic option..
Windows: Here is a fun fact .. I'll send all the data regardless of your choice :)

This is what's happening in the background, I think. I mean there isn't even a phuqing option to turn this thing off.

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU APPLE?! THATS A SIXTH OF MY MOBILE DATA! WHERE IS THIS MUCH USAGE COMING FROM?????

Let me repeat this out and loud so that we are clear before another idiot starts pitching to me on building their "world class machine learning algorithm":
NO DATA, NO MACHINE LEARNING!

Warning:: Buzzword alarm!
I was doing smalltalk earlier and this guy asks me what I do for a living. me: I work for a company that builds software that is, among other things, able of giving your company prognosises how busy it'll be, so they can plan ahead. Him: ohhh, so like Big Data?
Me: *dies a little inside*... yeah, that's right! (didn't feel like having the talk with him at that point). No dude, not everything is big data 😥

User: I need you to extract all the invoice data for us.

Me: What invoice data in particular, what are filters you require. This is a massive database with millions of transactions.

User: JUST EXTRACT THE TABLE!

Me: Right.....(this is a database with 3000+ tables and hundreds of joins)

Connect a pen drive, format it successfully. Connect to a new machine to copy data and see the data exists.

Crap! which drive did I formatted :(

Hello world!

Bet no one came up with that beauty yet.

Oh shit i watched youtube with mobile data and i used 459mb... 31mb left to use it for 12 days... Shit

“Commit“ sounds like the german “komm mit“(come with me).

NonDev coworker asked me what “Komm mitting“ is

Wonder which data structure they're using

So my parents got speakers integrated into their monitor. A few years ago (like 3-4) they made me turn off the sound because it annoyed them since all they did were playing some shitty flash games and some office work. Now they needed the sound back on and this is how it happened.

1. Confirm they plugged the right cable in. I know them so I knew that could be a problem

2. Made them download Teamviewer because I know they can't even doubleclick without guidance

Now the juicy part was to tell them they need to turn on sound on the monitor. As I was watching via teamviewer I saw them trying to click on the menu items from said monitor. Took me 5 minutes to explain that their mouse can't do shit on that because they need to navigate with the buttons underneath the monitor.

Turned out they couldnt get things right and I had no idea what they were seeing because they explanations went like "All I can see is Main Menu and Exit." - "Is that really all dad?" "Yes thats all. Main Menu, Brightness and Exit" turnes out the middle part is interchangable like "Brightness, Saturation, etc..."

After 2 hours I gave up and told them to pick up my speakers tomorrow

Everytime people talk about big data/ operations research

Recently found an artist called "Big Data". His song titles describe what Big Data actually is really well:

!rant

Hello dear fellow devs, I got some more nice ram and don't need those ram bars anymore. Write why you should receive them and they are on the way. For people outside germany you (unfortunatly) have to cover the shipping costs.

That feeling when the business wants you to allow massive chunks of data to simply be missing or not required for "grandfathered" accounts, but required for all new accounts.

Our company handles tens of thousands of accounts and at some point in the past during a major upgrade, it was decided that everyone prior to the upgrade just didn't need to fill in the new data.

Now we are doing another major upgrade that is somewhat near completion and we are only just now being told that we have to magically allow a large set of our accounts to NOT require all of this new required data. The circumstances are clear as mud. If the user changes something in their grandfathered account or adds something new, from that point on that piece of data is now required.
But everything else that isn't changed or added can still be blank...
But every new account has to have all the data required...

WHY?!

Dualboot? I got them all

Linux (Mint)
Windows 10
OSX hackintosh

When you forget to normalize or standardize your data.

!rant

Did you ever have that feeling of "what the fuck - how did I do THAT" - I just had one; I was fine with the algorithm taking like 15/25 minutes to fetch, process, save all data, now it shreds through 10 times of the previous amount in like 7 minutes.

Fuck me and I was wondering what's eating away 3,1tb.... btw only 40gb left

I changed my mind
-generic client

If I had a company. I would only accept code for application. Grades, gender, age... i couldn't care less

Talk about data protection, I am fucking furious!! A hotel i stayed in recently has sent an email with a scan of my passport and credit card. Do I have any legal rights to fuck them up the arse? The hotel is in france.

SQL Rule 1. Always assume there are external processes that might affect your data. (for instance, triggers).
SQL Rule 2. In Denormalised data, never execute logic on dependant table values, always copy from the parent.
SQL Rule 3. When Denormalised data schemas are created the DBA knows what they are doing.
SQL Rule 3.1. If DBA knows what they is doing then according to Rule 1 there is no problem with adding in some triggers to maintain data clones as they are created.
SQL Rule 4. If you don't like or agree with triggers, deal with it. They are a first class tool in a first class RDBMS. In a multi-app or service environment there may be many other external processes massaging your data
SQL Rule 5. If all previous rules are not broken and the system has been running efficiently for many years DO NOT complain that there are triggers in the database that are doing and have been doing the same process that you just butchered (by violating Rule 1 and 2) in your makeshift "hello world, look what I can do from my phone" angular BS when the rest of the users are still relying on the existing runtime app.
SQL Rule 6. If you turn my triggers off, you sure as hell better turn them back on!

Create magic from void.... oh wait we even bend void to our will...

I can troll all day by opening Devtools on a browser and change <input type=“password“> to <input type=“text“> they think i hacked google, facebook and their email acoount

Ok this is freaking creepy. I searched for information about login systems on other websites for some time. Not once did I touch Facebook. Then Facebook show me targeted ads when I hoped on 30 minutes later. How the heck does Facebook get that data in the first place? I'm starting to get pissed that my data is just handed out to everyone, even by search engines.

I love doing crawlers to test stuff. Client wanted me to crawl his page for certain errors.... seems i ddossed them

"What is Data Science?" The title of the first slide of way too many data science talks.

There are always three questions i get asked when i tell people I'm a programmer:

Can you take a look at my phone/laptop/pc etc...?

Can you hack?

Whats the green stuff from matrix?

I need more mobile data now that I found devRant ._.

#10 year challenge is basically data set father for new ai which will predict how X looks after 10 years

Data mining at its best

Oh fuck off Google with your data grabbing slimy ethics...

I wonder if I should open source CZip....
It saves data usage of streaming movies.
2hr movie = about 500mb data usage

OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!! FUCK YOU SPRING-DATA-NEO4J YOU ARE DRIVING ME CRAZY YOU SHIT FUCK !!! FUCK YOU AND YOUR DELETE ON SAVE BULLSHIT!!!! OMFG!!!!!!! EVERYTIME IS SOME FUCKING SHIT THAT DELETES OTHER SHIT THAT SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN DELETED!!! JUST FUCK YOU ALREADY IM GONNA REWRITE ALL THIS SHIT!!!!!!!

"The client is complaining that the data takes a long time to load."
Me, after investigating: "Does the client really need [not an exaggeration, actual figures] 130,000 rows of data?"
"I will show them these stats but they said they need it"

Devrants mobile data usage is so low. Really love don't needing a good connection and don't using to much of my mobile data when using it :)

Also: Grammarly STOP auto-correcting devrant to servant ALL THE TIME...

Everytime I want to use a well recommended library which last commit was two years ago or longer i get suspicious

Did GDPR actually make ANY difference to how our data is handled?

Gdpr thing aside...

Does anybody read the new policy...

I just did for 2 apps (intel driver software and 9ga.. You know it)...

On the things that they collected on the side without you knowing include:
9ga:
Device memory, language, battery level, timezone, unique device identifiers, compass, accelorometer and microphone... Even service provider and signal strength

Intel:
Website you visit, how you use your computer(vague too vague) and computing environment.

Did anybody knew for sure before this that their apps are listening to them? That they just made a profile of you with all the data?

With all this they dont even need your ip they already know who you are and what you do on a daily basis...

There are 20 more but it will be waaay too much to write about. These 2 are way worse since 9ga doesnt use microphone for anything... And why a driver reads what websites i am going to?

I accidently lost a whole tables data today. Lucky me I also created a XML-file on the server which was for printing.
I parsed the files back into a simplexmlobject and recovered most of the lost data. 💪

Forgot to turn off mobile hotspot when I connected my phone with a Windows PC. Fucking windows used all my data to download 'security' updates. Bhenchod.

The real big data

Big data text book

One thing when working with a ton of data:
If there is a slight, infinitesimal probability that something will be wrong, then it will 100% be wrong.

Never make assumptions that data is consistent, when dealing with tens of gigabytes of it, unless you get it sanitized from somewhere.

I've already seen it all:
* Duplicates where I've been assured "these are unique"
* In text fields that contain exclusively numeric values, there will always be some non-numeric values as well
* There will be negative numbers in "number sequences starting with 1"
* There will be dates in the future, and in the far far future, like 20115 in the future.
* Even if you have 200k customers, there will be a customer ID that will cause an integer overflow.

Don't trust anything. Always check and question everything.

Anyone who has watched Black Mirror and thought what shit it is and technology can never go that far but wonder what if it does and we all are fucked.

Or we are already there but mini version of it. I see people glued on there phone, screen, and even I am guilty of that. But the amount of data we create everyday which can be treated as huge asset by the AI and Data mining enthusiast, I dont doubt we will be at a breaking point, which is coming sooner than we think.

When you hear the data engineers talk about ambari, storm, sqoop, kafka & phoenix and you are not sure if they are talking about frameworks or pokemons..

Just listened to the podcast, Tim rogus known as "T Rogus" no fuck you! You will stay Trogus for me for all eternity!

Husband looking into online schools for CS. Anything data science related. He loves math (and is freaking good at it) and teaches himself R for fun.

I put 0 thought into my own schools (terrible, I know, but not likely to change any time soon). Any suggestions for good online data Science programs, with a math minor potentially?

It's for his bachelor's.

Girl (trying to turn things on): people from my country are great in bed.
Guy: what data points do you have ?
*Girl walks out of the room*

I remember the first time I was experimenting with Linux and decided to install Kali Linux (was still version 1 at the time) and in the process cleaned my hard drive. I was in first year and I hadn't been introduced to git, so you can imagine what happened to my code.

Or when I dumped all my databases into one SQL file (the feature looked tasty in phpmyadmin) and then after reinstalling everything, I couldn't import back the files.

Or last year, where I was on industrial attachment. So we were to delete some data from DHIS2 manually. So as a developer I grouped all organisation units to be deleted under one parent and wrote a python script to recursively delete anything in that group. Just when I was about to show my supervisor how efficiently my script was deleting stuff, he said, "Don't delete anything yet". I hope he doesn't read this *wink*

Fast forward, last week on Friday I dropped my external hard drive. It just works on one USB port now, no idea how and why.

I - Lets move your database to mlab. They offer 512mb database for free, every month. That is beyond your lifetime usage

Client - No. They Steal Data ( Like Facebook )

And client don't know a shit about mlab and development. Aware of quite a few names, bigrock, godaddy, bluehost. Even AWS is not in the list

- mlab is mongodb database service

Such useful data...

The hypetrain has no brakes...

Computers fear my devaura. Everytime I get called to fix something it magically starts working when I enter the room. 5 Minutes after I leave it broke again.

Repeat like while(true)

Got myself into Facebook's Graph-API...
...everything is so easy and well optimized.

NOT! Now I have to optimize the request to reduce loadtime. Why is there data so fractured?

I use my data in exponents of 2

Data Science in Python is mind-blasting.

The kind of data I like to see.

I just switched to iOS and it's being an amazing experience.
So great to finally have access to all my files, and personalize my device as much as I want.
And it has no virus so it's all good news.

Opened my PC today...found my local disk empty...170gigs of data lost...
Feel like crying...hope Recuva works

Wow! Just updated my devRant android and it has search! Opens the floodgates to data mining the rapidly growing content. Thanks!!!

Had to submit a form and couldn't because of some js errors. I hacked my way through with the console to submit none the less

I hate debugging document oriented data types..
Can't even sysout easily like primitive data types.
Need a debugging duck.

One of my colleagues who thinks he knows all about "big data": "I try to put everything in hadoop, that is my philosophy".

We don't even have a hadoop cluster.

Oh my fucking god. Austria wants to sell the data of it's citizens to schools, universities museums, and: Companies with enough money. What the fuck?

The data contains shit from the central register of residents, information about name, date of birth, sex/gender, nationality, recidence, health data (!), education, social security/insurance, tax data, E-Card/ELGA Data (system where your doctor visits, prescribed medicines/drugs, all these things, are saved), and other shit.

Welcome to 2018, where you can try as hard as you want to keep your privacy, and then your government sells all the shit you are not able to remove. Fucking bullshit.

A few minutes ago, I was going crazy over a bug caused due to data mutation in Rails.

Basically, user1 was creating a post record and it's stored in the database normally however, on page reload for a second user, user2, the post (that user1 created) was update to belong to user2. This is because, on page reloads, I was using `<<` method call to append user2 and user1 posts together! Apparently, `<<` not only mutates the array, it also performs a database update.

Kill me please!!

Also, data immutability seems a more reasonable feature in languages now.

Sending email to client (the following is a short version of it)

"
Dear Data Evaluation Team,

Here is a link with the password to the data export for the questionaire.

You will find in there 4 sections:

1. Utilization Report
2. Question List
3. User Responses to questionnaire
4. Summary of responses
"

Email from client
"
Thank you data team.
I see that the user responses have some ids for the questions. Can you please give me the full question text, where is it?
"
My response
"Section 2, Question List"

Like really? Did you just not f*ing read the email and just jumped into the data export blindly. I wrote some fucking docs for a reason.

The worst thing about university is having to listen to lecturer say DATA MINING IS GOOD at every single lecture there is.

Everytime I see anything with 404 i expect it to break

I wonder, are some apps on purpose made to be small size, but then later when you open them force you to download the actual data made with converting people that are low on space or dont want heavy apps to actual download numbers? since if they now after discovering that, delete the app - they already have boosted the downloads

I can understand pulling offline databases or game updates from own servers to get the newest data, but sometimes you come across apps that have no need in any of those and could just e.g. package the audio which will never be updated

When your company has data integrity issues and they expect hacky workarounds instead of fixing the data

Code like this makes me shed a tear in nostalgia... also I want to murder somebody for still putting that in tutorials

I guess the devs at rdocumentation need to work on how they "analyze data" 🤣

Am I the only person here who thinks data science is awesome? 😬

what's your expirience with business intelligence / data science? Do your company has a own department for it?
If so how does it affect you?

i was learning neural networks, started with keras and was on the first tutorial where they started by importing pandas
so i switched to learning data analysis using pandas in Python where they started by importing matplotlib and i realized data visualization is also important and now I'm reading matplotlib docs...🙄

Code in index.php: if(!isset($_COCKIE['access'] == '123') {
echo 'Denied'; die;
}

And then there was the access.php which set the cookie.

So you had to go to foo.com/access.php which displayed a white page and set the cookie. Then navigate back to foo.com for access

truth about big data 😂

Need help, Day-ta vs. Dat-uh. Which one is it?(data)

I decided to try and see if I can live on my 3GB mobile data plan for work and study today. For 3 hours, I just burnt 200MB by ssh, whatsapp, telegram, browsing forums to fix ticket, and reading manuals.

Guess I have to rely on my customer's restrictive WiFi. Sigh.

Zomato was data breached!

!rant

Looked into browser jank and how to optimize large lists of images in a scrollbox, went from 20fps while scrolling to ~60fps ❤️

You know that the Algorithm & Data Structure exam is coming, when you start traversing binary search trees in your sleep

Am I Data Engineer or Software Development Engineer ?

I design the infrastructure for analytics data, and I build the infra entirely including an development. Except making reports out of the data.

What I'm supposed to be called ?
Data Engineer ?
Software Development Engineer ?

Definitely not an Data Scientist. Official designation given by company is Data Engineer II. But what I'm ?

Confused, someone help me please.

shit data... always with the shit data.

How tell me apart from the other departments?

It's so cold inside my office it creates fucking WIND when you open my door

Hey guys any advice/study plan for a 22 year old C++ Server developer to transition into data science ?

P.s. currently based in London

Find 1000 ways to solve a problem

Watch your shell. Someone did it again.

Sysadmin grilled s3 with a typo in his command, shutting down whole subsystems of amazons infrastructure

Fellow ranters, always remember:
It's not the size of yout data that matters. It's how you use it

I feel for you guys,

My inbox is bombarded with emails asking me to give my permission for saving my data again, thanks to the new European data protection laws, which will go live the day after tomorrow.

Which means a lot of you guys are doing overtime today and tomorrow to work towards this deadline. Not me, though. Still. I want to share two sentiments with you:

1. Whatever management just decided at the last minute that they need that done before Friday, fuck them.
2. I repeat my initial words, I feel for you.

I dont like coffee.

The rainbow scale is the comic sans of data visualization.

I hate people ranting about “Uhh thats not responsive I sent a screen how I imagined it.“

Open Screen, 1918x703 px WIDE.

Explained for an hour that thats not fucking responsive. Nobody could see or read that even if I were to implement. Responsive fucking means text breaks BELOW the damn pictures to make it readable. I will never fit that on an iphone or something unless he pays extra so i can perform dark magic to force vertical view on some devices and put 100 alert functions that the device is not supported by the site.

Im so mad fuck him and fuck me

Taking a data structures Edx course. The guy who prepared the question should have been like, "Oh crap, I need to give a fourth option?"

!rant
Started Data Science course on big data universuty. The outcomes are heavily dependent on domain experts/stakeholders!!! Since all the answers are false positives and need to decide what make sense with the help of domain experts. And most of the Data scientists are not from programming background, they are domain experts who turned into Data scientists. Thoughts if I should continue with learning big data/data science, knowing that I have knowledge in information retrieval and search engines.

Big Data Analysis

I've just spent the last hour or so banging my head against a brick wall trying to figure out why I'm unable to retrieve some data via AJAX even though I know data is being returned as I can see it in my error log.

Turns out the permission system I wrote a few days ago actually works and because I didn't specify a permission it automatically denied my user from retrieving the data. One thing I forgot to add was an error message to tell me when I don't have sufficient permission to do something. Adding a message could have just saved me a lot of time :/

2018: Data Scientist = Stack overflow copy pasting: "I followed a 12-hour 'DS' course on Lynda!"

lm() # science

Imagine an annual $50k+ enterprise software package that didn't distinguish between a null and an empty string in valuing critical data. Not noticed for years - wtf?

A few years ago:

Installing Visualstudio 2008 on Xp.

Pc is laggy as f.
Start browsing nsfw to kill time and boss comes over. Try to close browser and not working. Start to panic a bit. Boss comes over looking at black boxes.

Pictures didnt render. I was so lucky

Found an institutional coaching centre leaking 1000s of students personal data phone, photo, db, parents info, documents photo path, payment method(bank, check, card) etc. They 32567 rows. I'm trying to find the admin login page. It seems they have it on separate subdomain. I found student login and I can login as any student. I hate these institutes. Sent them emails days ago (29 sept) but no reply yet. What should I do?

Went to a Big Data workshop, now I know why there's a elephant as hadoop's logo and how it came. Still no clue how it works.

When someone from your data team claims that 250k worth of data doesn't exist and when the shit hits the fan it magically appears.

Having fun with GitHub data. Plotted 8 days GitHub data.

School WiFi was acting up and I couldn't do anything on my phone, so I of course disabled WiFi and decided to use data for a couple minutes. This morning I pulled out my phone.. Saw my WiFi connection was off, went to my data tracker.. Turns out WiFi was never toggled on and I was in data all night long. Now I need to conserve it like gold. FML

Recipe for reverse engineering data structures / binary formats:

1℅ understanding the theory.
1℅ expections about what you will find.
3% luck.
45% trial and error.
50℅ persistence.

Hello data structure!
I faild becuase of you.
Wait for me😁

To solve an issue of slow data retrieval on an app, I suggested pre-loading the data once a week and storing it in a spreadsheet ready for instant download.
"Great idea. If more data gets added to the database after we download the data, will the spreadsheet we downloaded also update?"
Seriously, I understand that not everybody is technical but fuck me how do you expect us to update a file on your computer?

When Data Engineers deals with web backend, this happens!

Let’s just face it. Once the majority of people understand, data science (machine learning on custom behaviour mostly) will be the most disgusted job in the world. Mind boggling! You get shot right between the eye by doing it.

Everytime I work on stuff deep in the core of an application i feel like performing heartsurgery

Learning Data Science to predict the possible ending(s) of GOT.
Hell Yeah

Everyone else calling his private projects folder “graveyard“?

If there is no data, it's kind of hard to return it isn't it?????

Anybody have any great tutorials about web scraping with python? The data science courses I took only covered maipulauting and visualizing data not getting it.

Waiting for the day this doesnt apply to me

When you wanna be a Data Scientist and always land into internships where you are assigned with web development...
Learnt Node, Flask, Spring frameworks across different internshis...

Best way to pass a DB dump with sensitive data: zip with password and email. :|

Hello dear fellow programmers,

Lately I'm faced with an issue: i can't code. It takes me a really long time to get my codeengine running and it stops on the first occasion, it either be a cigarette pause, a question from a coworker or what ever.

I love code and I have a blast when I start but I have a hard time starting it.

What to do? I'm a bit at a loss here

What is a ghost's favorite data type? BOOlean!

creating code for years it feels much like programming boiled down to using frameworks...

Function works() {
Try {
HorriblyDyingCode();
Return true;
} catch (Exception e) {
Return false;
}
}