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-
Wife: what are you thinking about?
Me: how to optimize key storage in a binary tree
Wife: forget that I asked5 -
Me: Goodnight!!
Brain: psst..
Me: What?
Brain: How can you just leave that piece of code behind? Unfinished?7 -
We accept that the brain is the most important organ, but really, what organ is telling you that?
Fucking Brain.4 -
Rule 34 ½: For every programming problem, there is already related XKCD, StackOverflow question and indian guy explaining it on YouTube. <3
21 -
Once I installed Mint on my laptop and one day after booting I had a "no network" icon. I couldn't explain why there was this symbol even after restarting network-manager and stuff. After a few minutes I thought it was a good idea to look my problem up. So, on the same laptop I opened chrome and typed in a brief explanation of the issue I was facing. I was looking for 1,5 hours for a solution until I realized that I had Internet all the time.4
-
After finishing up 70% of a feature,
Brain: "there's a better way to do it"
Me: "ok ill just change a bit of code here and there.."
-- 2 hours later --
swimming in spaghetti code..7 -
Coworker: You've merged the wrong PR. It is broken.
Me: is it marked as broken? Is there a mail marking it as broken?
Coworker: yes. I wrote something in the chat.
Me: 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
I do NOT read and click every brain fart from the chat. I had the PR (as reviewer and dependent developer) open on my desk and waited for the coworker to fix his merge conflicts.
OK then, try to revert. Git reset hard. Push -f. Policy does not allow master modification. 🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕🖕
Fuck this company. Fuck the policies. Fuck them all with a chainsaw. Forced me to work 2 weeks more. 17.04 should have been my last day at this circus. Let 3 other guys go to vacation while I have fix their management's mistakes. Fuck. You. All. Eat shit and suffocate in piss.8 -
It's funny, whenever the subject of facebook vs privacy comes up (mostly I don't even initiate those convo's), people always start to defend facebook when I say that I THINK that facebook is build to get people addicted to it and get them to stay on facebook as long as possible.
Haha, one of facebook's early investers/ex facebook presidents said the following in an interview:
“It’s a social-validation feedback loop, exactly the kind of thing that a hacker like myself would come up with, because you’re exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology.”
So even an ex president of facebook is admitting this.
I also found the folloing a good one:
The underlying thought process while creating platforms like Facebook or Instagram is something like “How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?”
Last but not least, the part I found the most scary:
“God only knows what it’s doing to our children’s brains.”
Yes, I find this scary.
Oh yeah and for the people who are going to call bullshit on this one, I've got one source and if you search engine on the title of that article then you'll find loads of websites having that story:
https://fossbytes.com/facebook-was-...29 -
When your brain only functions at night and morning meetings with your team make you look like you never coded in your life.1
-
Generic-IT
--------------
Client:"So we would like to found a new company and offer IT and network consulting. Would you be able to build our website?"
Me:"Absolutely. What will be the name of your company?"
Client:"The name is going to be 'Generic-IT'. The website is going to be 'generic-IT.com' . We checked that with google."
Me:"I am sorry to tell you that generic.com is already taken by another company. Incidentally that company offers the same services, that you intend to offer. They also seem to be quite big an have businesses in 5 different countries.
Because of this I advise you to pick a different name that does not get you into trouble and makes positioning your own brand easier."
Client:"We want to neglect that problem for now."
Me:"0.0 ..... -_-""""
"Well, listen. Apart from the possible branding and copyright problems imagine how people will find you on the web. ...What will happen if you google 'generic IT'?"
Client:"Yeah well, we want to neglect that. And with SEO you can do something about that."
Me:"..........Welllll, you that SEO is not a cure all, right? The older an bigger company will come up first. Why not avoid that missunderstanding and come up with a unique name?"
Client:"......"
Me:"Please tell me. Doesn't any part of my argument make sense to you?"
Client:"..."
Me:"Well, ok. I will send you the estimate on monday."
___________
Then over a back channel I hear that the client is ...bewildered, why I would not stick to my area of expertise.
There I was now. Left bewildered myself, being the one with the webagency that does frontend design and branding.7 -
Coworker 1: Ugh, what name should I give this variable? Any idea?
Coworker 2: Doesn't matter that much. Just give it a name.
Coworker 1: ** Types in "albert" **7 -
Me when typing in dark on my non-backlit keyboard:
"Hiw tp di tjid tjing "
Me when typing in light on my non-backlit keyboard WITHOUT LOOKING AT IT:
"How to do this thing "
I mean what the fuck mr.brain !!12 -
When you can't sleep because you have too much to do but you have so much to do all you want to do is sleep.
The fuck am I supposed to do here brain?10 -
I had a weird dream last night where people communicated by using log statements.
Like if I wanted to say something very loud I'd think Log.wtf("WTF!") and it would appear in front of me like subtitles. Log levels were equivalent to tone level.
The scene was basically a bunch of people with log statements of various levels in front of them and their lips moving with no sound.
I think I need a vacation.2 -
*reading through someone's old rants on person's profile*
....
*Hit ++ on good rant*
Brain: the rant deserved a ++!
Also brain: writer is gonna think you're a stalker now.
What the fuck brain.12 -
BRAIN_UNCAUGHT_EXCEPTION
Could not execute "sleep()", as main thread was busy thinking about why a beautiful girl would just handle me her number.
Ok we did get on well but it was unexpected nevertheless
Thank you brain for wasting my day 👍18 -
This morning I kept falling back asleep after the alarm went off, drifting in and out of a dream about programming.
My wife finally said "no more sleeping".
Still mostly sleep, I replied very confidently "you can't sleep in a sandbox!".
I was dreaming I was in a code sandbox. Obviously sleeping is not allowed.
Jeez, my head has been really full of programming since this conference. (One of the talks was on codesandbox). -
So... My boss gave me a job with this client. He was so sure about all of his ideas, throwing them around, left right and centre, his product is "game changing". So we have a Skype call with the client. He appears to have his shit together. So we ask for a document of his ideas(as any developer would) and he physically cannot do it. We ask again, he still doesn't deliver. Me and my boss, sit down and try to think of everything in we discussed with him in the call and try to do the document for him. He clarifies that, that is what he wants. So we start developing.... 3 weeks down the line, everything is wrong. Completely wrong (this project should have taken a week or two tops). So I threaten the client basically. That I'm going to dedicate a week to his project and no more, or he would have to wait until Jan/Feb for it to be complete, so I wanted all the correct details.(At this time, we're very close to our own software being finished and released, and then we put it on hold for this fucking baboon).
Its now been a week, the project is complete, now it just needs to be deployed.
I wasted 3 weeks on a project, that was deleted, because the client could not be physically arsed to write a document, thats going to support his business, therefore his income. It REALLY fucking frustrates me. Alongside that(I'm not going to say why) but the project was for free!! The client didnt pay, and I didn't get extra pay... Moral of the story, get your shit together if you want something made. I could have made this project 4 times in the time i had already spent. I could have spent a week developing, and 3 weeks going crazy with more updates, anything, other than wasting 3 weeks of my god damn time.6 -
Another fucking rant about my fucking goldfish brain.
At meetings, I usually note down things I need to fix, to do on the sticky note pad that comes with the OS, currently Mint.
I sat at my desk.
Looked at my notes.
Decided to properly put them as tasks on trello.
I copied all notes, planning to paste it on a trello card quickly.
Then I can just work on trello and separate into different tasks.
Connection issue.
Ethernet said connected but websites are not showing up.
Maybe restart will fix since I haven't opened any app and started working anyway.
Reboot.
Internet works.
Yayyy.
Trello showed up.
Yayyy.
oooh
f
u
c
k.
fuck.
fuck.18 -
Good morning everyone (atleast for my Time Zone), god bless you all !
been following my morning silly brain for 3 hours to write an 8086 assembler CPU and RAM emulator. after 1 hour of debugging, time to polish it and refactoring.
7 -
**Evolution of Cursee's Search Queries**
Chronological orders from 2007 to 2018
- internet not working
- wifi not working
- wifi not working on ubuntu
- wifi not working on ubuntu XX.xx
- install wifi driver ubuntu XX.xx
- install Realtek rtl88xxxx on ubuntu Xx.xx9 -
Me: "I've got an exam tomorrow morning, I should try to go to sleep early tonight".
22:00 - Get into bed and put on audiobook
23:00 - "Alright I'm getting sleepy now, I should fall asleep soon :)"
00:00 - "Must be soon now"
01:00 - "Maybe in 15 minutes"
02:00 - "Still got 6 hours to sleep, plenty of time"
03:00 - "My body is tired, my mind is not"
04:00 - "RIP"
It's safe to say that my sleep rhythm is utterly fucked.15 -
Yesterday ... well no, today it was, I couldn't go to sleep because my brain couldn't stop thinking about solutions for this problem I had and I literally got up from bed and went to my computer to test my ideas. It still didn't work and eventually I got so tired that I went back to bed, I was still thinking about solutions when I fell asleep.12
-
So I was procrastinating on my side project, then somehow started a new one but this time with three partners, now I procrastinate on this new project by working on my side project.
GREAT4 -
Does anyone have a website or group that I can follow to get inspiration for design? It can be colours, web design, and logos7
-
//begin midnight rant
THATS IT, I AM PISSED OFF NOW ABOUT THIS SNAPCHAT SHIT!!!
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK !!!
I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN SNAP CHAT WAS INVENTED
I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN WATSAPP COPIED ITS FEATURE(yeah I haven't seen your pathetic story)
AND I ALSO DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE SHIT ITS GOTTEN INTO NOW.
as a guy who is allergic to people I stay the fuck away from such apps.
but for God's sake get real u shit heads... Uninstalling an app is not an achievement worth bragging about( there is a drag and drop interface for it in ur Android phone)
Here is a guy who started his own company when he graduated from college and is providing employment to 100s of ppl and ur going to put that at risk just because your fragile ego was hurt because of "poor country " comment fuck u do your research that comment was made in 2015 when a monthly 1gb 3g internet would burn a hole in your pocket
Go screw yourselves u brain dead pieces of shit if u r so worked up about being called a poor country then start a company and provide jobs for the people who are struggling(why would you when uninstalling an app is so much easier).
Any one with 300 mg of common sense would have realize that the video would have difficulty in buffering in your slow ass 2g internet pack in your phone in 2015 when Jio sim was not yet introduced.
People like you are the reason I wish the super villains would win at the end of sifi movies.
I hope God(if there is one and if ever he decides to give a fuck) would give the guys who built this app the strength to get through this shit storm
PEACE OUT
//End of mid night rant12 -
Trying to sleep
Brain knows that I have vacation;
"Psst hey, dont waste your vacation on sleeping"
Damnit brain!2 -
I wish I could type into my brain:"dd if=/dev/zero of=/dev/sda bs=512 count=1337"
To delete everything of my ex gf memories...
She just wrote a message, again...22 -
When the client rings up saying the website is down. I say can you see any other sites. They say, no, nothing is coming up. It's your internet connection, kindly fuck off!
-
I would like to take a moment to thank my brain.
I dreamed about the code I need to write to create something I was struggling with! Logically it all make sense!
Just needs to try it and see how it goes.
Thank you Brain!6 -
So far 9 people left because of that newly hired COO ( check my previous rants ), 4 from digital department including the manager
Enjoy making the company bankrupt asshole !!!5 -
I started drinking coffee when I started as a junior dev.
I loved its boost, but after a while being on coffee was exactly how I felt before as normal. I incrementally upped the dosage, while my resistance creeped up too. I reached a moment when I drank a liter daily, so I witched to yerba maté instead, which resulted in more potent brews. Then I got used to its strength too plus it tasted like horseshit. I switched to caffeine tablets, takingg more and more. Soon after I reached a level which was described medically as the top one should be allowed to take.
I no longer felt any boost. In between caffeinated moments of normalty, I felt like a brain-dead zombie. When I was caffeinated, I was jittery, my shoulder and eyebrow was glitching, my stomach was flexing like before taking a huge exam.
After some miserable time like that, I quit caffeine entirely. I was fatigued, dull and my mind was hazy for te next 1-2 weeks.
I then finally, became gradually normal again.
I drink tea and coffee only socially, perhaps a few times in a month, and never after too much later than noon.
Now I can't wear my "Programmer. Converts coffee into code" shirt anymore. Apart from that, I'm much better off :)
What's your coffee story?21 -
Do we really need heart? Normal brain is not enough for our multi tasking and multi threading. We need more.
4 -
Monday, 8pm.
Terminal is writing outputs on my screen.
Spotify is running.
The calm.
And then, an electric impulse goes from a neurone to another, travelling through my synapses: an idea!
“What if I had a favourite terminal commands manager? That’d be so cool! I could have an automatic mode that listens to my terminal input/ retrieves list from “history” command and sets up a ranking of most used ones to reuse with a shortcut, and even better, you can create the list!
I’m gonna definitely do this!”
5 Minutes of Google later :
apt install iDontRemember
Sigh.10 -
That feeling when you're supposed to debug code someone else wrote a decade ago but it's such a horrible mess that your brain just gives up and you end up staring at your monitor for an hour in confusion 😵11
-
Adventures Of The New COO
So when that new COO joined our company ( read my previous rant to know that story ) he brought a graphic designer with him
as a designer he's ok, more of a old school package designer type, but as a person one of the most annoying one I've ever met, always want to be included with our conversations, talk about rain and stuff
so few days ago, i was working on a website, headphones plugged in, music playing, he comes near my seat
Designer: Are you busy ?
Me: yeah, I've this website to finish
Designer: So i have this idea for an app
Me: *taking off headphones while thinking doesn't this dumbass know the meaning of busy*
Designer: what if we create an app for super markets, like this isle has this stuff, that isle has soap or something and how it'll be easy to find what you want to buy and keeps going on and on for about 5 minutes
Me: *making my voice as polite and sarcastic as possible*
It wouldn't work, every market has a different layout even among same market chain it's different
Me: have you ever been to a super market, they have a board saying what the isle is above the isle, all you have to do is just look up
Designer: hmm yeah i guess
*walks away*
everyone wants to make apps and make money, but doesn't have the fucking brain capacity to think about the idea for a bit and do some research, instead they come and waste our time2 -
This kind of random stuff happens to me often:
*comes home from going out*
*wants to sleep badly*
Brain: heyyy, why don't we take a look at some vps discounts!!!
Me: please, I want to FUCKING sleep.
Brain: oh come on...
Me: pls don't do this to me..
Brain: But vps discounts...
Me: oh FUCK YOU, I'll go look up some stuff.
My brain can be weird and annoying.8 -
You know it's gonna be a good Friday when the dev team takes a work trip to the store to get beer.
Happy Friday everyone!3 -
Coworker: I've got an error, can't figure it out...
Me: Send error
Coworker: NullPointerException
Me: fml
Sr. my balls.1 -
So i look at my phone checking how late it is...
I put my phone back into my pocket...
My brain is like "time = null;"1 -
Fuck my life sometimes.
I'd just finished my work for an ongoing project, it's been over 6 months only to be dragged out to be told another system needs an immediate change which at best will take 3-4 weeks.
Like seriously just let my mind come off down from the completion of previous project before dropping a new barrel of insanity on my desk 😬
I like being busy, don't get me wrong. but damn not even a day of recovery 😓2 -
It is a truly great moment when your work finally is integrated in the website of the biggest news paper of the country and visible to hundreds of thousands of people.
I'm not feeling insignificant anymore. 😄
Next step: Rule the world.8 -
When you've had a long ass 14 hour day and you're getting nowhere with a problem so you finally accept its time to go to bed...
You lie there for 45 minutes doing nothing but thinking up awesome solutions to the problem you went to bed over....4 -
An hour before my Mathematical Expression and Reasoning for Computer Science final...
Have reviewed all the material available but past exams are useless because new_prof == new_format.
This is not even a rant, I'm just scared because to get into the major I need an average between this and programming of 82. I fucked up in the second midterm and got a 50/100. Everything was so perfect (at least above 80) and now I need more than 70 in this final. I'm feel I can get more than 70 but I had the same feeling during the midterm I fucked up.
25 -
If you think learning a language / working with a language you don't like is offensive to you and your morals .. Then don't do it.
Money is important to you ? Then you're just prostituting yourself to some higher authority. So DONT COMPLAIN!
You have the right to hate stuff while being paid for it. Understandable.
But don't shit on the shit you think is shit just cause you put yourself in the situation of not having an option !!
You're a worthless. Money hungry whore.
Yes, you hate Java/ x language but have to work on it ?
You're either a whore or have serious problems with standing up for yourself, but on the internet you become this amazing troll saying the language has problems.
Half the people who hate languages hate them cause it's common to hate them. Like being racist in the early American ages cause it was "normal".
Brain deficient motherfucking whores. Manipulated cocksuckers.
Sidenote : if you've honestly gotten shit on by a new version of the language you were using .It's understandable and I'm on your side. Using it without thorough research on the other hand is your mistake. Languages aren't ideal. Just Like most women don't like your dick cause, well it doesn't fit their use case. Deal with it not, troll about it.
I'm not like you. I experiment with whatever I like before using it. I work on my own stuff. I suck my own fucking dick and I get paid.
If you honestly disagree with me, put a couple points down on the language you hate and why you hate it ( considering the fact that you have actually used it and are not just trying to disagree with me )23 -
*My friend texting me*
Friend: wtf
My brain: w tf
My brain again: tf
My brain again: import tensorflow as tf
😂😂am brain dead3 -
What the fuck??!?!?
I wanna say :-
Fuck!!! What the fuck a sex robot is?!?? Fuck???
Lets leave this planet here humans are thinking to make a sex robot(fuck! ) who can say no fuck?!?!?! Later they will file rape case for humans who tried to force their robot. FUCKING FUCK BRAINS?!?!?
Full answer: -
A lot of ethicists and psychologists think that yes, they should learn to say no. Here is an interesting article about it:
Should We Program Sex Robots to Give Consent?
I agree with Kate Darling, Ph.D., a research specialist and robot-human interaction expert at MIT Media Lab, told Inverse in a discussion about Westworld, when she says she isn’t concerned about the robots, but with human behavior.
However, when I’ve expressed these feelings on Quora, about this controversy I was downvoted and my answer collapsed because people got offended that I made the claim that an object (the robot) could be ‘raped,’ even after I clarified exactly what I meant by that- that no you cannot rape an object, but just as an object cannot consent, you may be enacting ‘rape’ or torture fantasies, etc., on the robot. I think I was downvoted because my point of view wasn’t exactly what they wanted to hear, was too blunt, and the people who downvote opinions that may look more negatively at the sex robot industry typically aren’t feminists in the slight.
It seems a lot of people want the right to use sex robots and also that a lot of people haven’t really thought about it too deeply. Some people say that the robots will relieve women from sex work or protect people from sexual assault, I think these are very bold claims. Some people compare the sex robots to vibrators or other masturbation tools, but this is simply not accurate because sex robots are designed to be much more. They are marketed as companions that do not cry, nag, etc. People that own them often may dress them, tie them up, have marriage ceremonies, etc., a lot more activities than they would if it was a simple masturbation tool.
8 -
Damn procrastination, I'm sure I would've finished a thousand projects already, I just hate my brain...7
-
When you find out you passed the exam in which you guessed half of the answers ! 🎆🎉🎊
The algorithms of my brain seem to work well 🤣
This is now my second best module and I didn't study a lot hahaha4 -
Silly and stupid me.
Woke up.
Check phone. Check devRant.
Saw Trogus's filter update post.
Happy and left a comment.
Went to playstore and update.
Open devRant and use the feature.
Tried to filter only Rants and Questions type.
Happy and went back to sleep again bcz Saturday.
Continue the rest of day with other stuffs.
Use devRant again.
"Huh why the heck is the first post about some random quote?"
"Why the hell is second post meme"
"Why...why...why"
Check filter feature again.
Facepalm.
Silly me and stupid my eyes and useless my brain is not worthy for good and clean UIUX.4 -
it's so fucking hot in here and I've got no work and still 3 hours left to go...just let me go hooome!5
-
While working on generic enterprise code: querying databases, calling third-party APIs and just passing data around, I'm thinking: "PLEASE LET ME DO SOME THINKING, LET ME WORK ON SOME HARD ALGORITHM OR SOMETHING!"
When finally working on 'some hard algorithm or something', I'm thinking: "ARGH! MY HEAD ACHES! GIVE ME RELEASE! LET ME WORK ON SOME MINDLESS ENTERPRISE CODE!"1 -
If you ever feel that you have a shitty job just remember that there is a programming language called Brainfuck and at least once in time it was someone's job to debug a real program written in Brainfuck. For context, this is a 'Hello World' program in Brainfuck:
++++++++[>++++[>++>+++>+++>+<<<<-]>+>+>->>+[<]<-]>>.>---.+++++++..+++.>>.<-.<.+++.------.--------.>>+.>++.
And here is the same program in the Python programming language:
print('Hello World')10 -
Hi.
Programming language types are only two:
- Assembly
- All the rest
I'm destroyed, my brain is melted.
Assembly is hate and love at the same time.2 -
Am I the only one who procrastinates only on starting a task? Like, once I start the task, then it's easy to keep going till completion; but I can't freaking get my butt into the chair and start.
Any tips on how to get over starting troubles?7 -
Unfortunately, "developer brain" does not respond. You have the following options:
Option A
Refill coffee-mug, drink and keep on waiting for a response.
Option B
Go to sleep.2 -
Fml
I went to a client and forgot my laptop.
Called my boss to send me the file I needed just to realize 1 hour later that I had web access to the repo and could have download myself.
It looks like it will be a promessing day 😑1 -
Clicks "Exploitation and Enumeration" category.
Clicks "Python (HARD)" challenge.
"What is a key that passes the code?"
Opens Python file and sees one line of nested lambda expressions spanning 1,846 characters (no spaces)
*Cries*8 -
Was in a meeting today when it was announced by some higher ups that everyone but me can now leave. After it was just me and some higher ups they began to praise my work and congratulate me for being 2 days ahead of schedule. Before I realised what my mouth was doing, I'd said "two days ... so far"5
-
Issue or Error? Rant story time!
I was working on a windows desktop app, and everything was ok, you know, tests completed succesfully, all in time, etc. The problem was when we showed the demo to one of our clients. He saw several screens and we explained all the features to him.
Client: *Sees a Error pop-up indicating that a remote service is temporarly unavailable (what it has to happen in order to show him how the system would warn him when an external service is out of service)
Client: What’s that?
Lead dev: What do you mean?
Client: Yes. That’s an error pop-up
Lead dev: Yes, it’s a message that tells you that there was an issue connecting to the bank service
C: No, no and no. Please change it
L: Why? Don’t you want the system to tell you when there is a connection issue and why is that happening?
C: Yes, but my employees could lost their minds because of this class of messages!
L: So...?
C: You have to change it
L: Ok. What do you want to change?
C: First of all, don’t put an “Error” icon, put an “Warning” icon, and instead of “Error” title, put... “Issue”
L: “Issue?”
C: Yeah. Don’t put the “E” word, if the users see an “Error” message, they could think that the program doesn’t work, even if it does work.
We all though “WTF?!”
To make the story shorter, we changed all the pop-ups. That took two days.
Is that correct? I know that “Error” sounds hard but, seriously? “Issue: The remote service is not available, contact your bank?”7 -
Last week I forgot to add the break; clause to a bunch of case statements and literally spent a whole evening busting my head 'cause my code wasn't working.
So this week's answer: ME. I'M THE WORST.2 -
Just remembered that I forgot to push all day's work..
Now my scumbag brain is going to keep me awake all night thinking about all the shit that can go wrong...
Great2 -
*It's too early*
Opened a rant and read it, then I started furiously started double tapping before I realized that that does not work there.
EDIT:
wait that works, I should really go back to bed.1 -
And the time has come, my gf and I are just a month away from deploying yet we still call the project "project".
Usually solutions jump in my head when programming at least once a day but I can't name the damn thing for the love of God! It's the first night since we started development I have felt clueless.
Plus I don't want to be "that guy" that just gives it a generic name, like there's already a "ratemyprofessors", professor this, teacher that, fuck that shit!
I'm brain dead.
9 -
When it is 645am Friday and you spent the whole week with meetings and tasks and sleepless nights.
You just cannot give a tiny rat ass about the naming of routes and functions.
DO NOT ask me about my variable names!
3 -
When is the point where you aren't allowed to touch your own AI anymore?
When it's capable of speech?
When it shows emotions?
When it becomes self aware?
When does it stop being file deletion and start becoming murder?7 -
me: Hey. This looks like a cool component that will save me lots of time and effort in the project I'm kicking off next week.
/* Two months later */
me: WTF was the name of that component that did that thing?
======================
I really should write things down more often.2 -
**** $h!t **** $h!t WHY IN THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU KEEP FORGETTING AND FORGETTING TO BRING A SINGLE EARPHONES TO OFFICE???? BRAIN, WHYYYYYY?4
-
Anyone else having a hard time switching between languages? :/
if(this.isActive and this.isVisible):
...
Java, JS and SQL at work, Python in my own projects...10 -
I think I should sleep more...
I just took my mug and cleaned it in the bathroom sink..
Realised halfway through that it maybe wasn't the kitchen after all3 -
Todays story: conversation between me and my brain about a app that i have planned for a long while.
The application is just a huge, specyfic json editor/manager for a game that i like. The game uses json files to determine unit charactetistics. So in order to make modding easier i want to make a tool for that that is fancier and easier to use than a notepad.
Brain> Lets make a app that allows you to mod the game easier!
Me> Good idea. How would you want to make it?
Brain> Lets use C# cause you main that lang currently and you have experience with json parser lib.
Me> That is true. So what do you wanna implement first?
Brain> Oh. I have thought about it before! I want to implement: (10 000 features) and maybe few more later!
Me> It sounds like a infinity project, shouldnt you implement like 1 or 2 features at first and then jump to other ones?
Brain> Yes... but i dont wanna refactor those features latter so let just implement them all at once!
Me> Dammit brain! Let just implement just one feature now! Like a simple json editor. You can use inhieritance to reuse the code later.
Brain> Ok...
* Starts with that one feature but one day later starts coding 6 more *
* Cant publish the app yet, the code looks like shit, gui is unfinished because brain wanted only to test those 6 unfinished features without propely implementing them *
Me> Brain WTF! You said that you are going to focus on one feature at the time!
Brain> I got carried a bit...
Me> ...
Me> Ok. I understand. Let just refactor the code and clean the project out of those unfinished features.
Brain> No. I have a depression now...
Me> FUCK.
* 2 month passes by without any progress on ANY of my projects*
current day
Brain> I still have depression...
Me> Ok i dont care about that anymore! Tell me something that i dont know!
Brain> Oh I have good news as well!
Me> ???
Brain> What about the home server that is going to store all mods made by the users so they can share it? It would be a good practice with networking!
Me> * Gives up *1 -
When you take a bathroom break thinking of code while absentmindedly soaking your pants and shoes with pee1
-
Dear colleagues. Please use your brain. Don't ask me the same things over and over again. It's really annoying... 😡2
-
It took me way too long to understood what I wrote few weeks ago. After looking at the code for few minutes and looking at my db structure, I finally realized. I also instantly remembered that I wrote that "user is shown as ad" comment hoping I will not confuse myself in future. Apparently I failed.
Temporarily added next line of comment to help the future me.
Deep down I know that I should change function name itself to become clearer, more meaningful and easier to understand.
But writing that comment, making those screenshots, combining the 2 images in Pinta and writing this rant is faster than thinking the new name.
3 -
!rant
I just met one of my rockstar machine learning researchers from the Google Brain team and she said she liked what i am working on to use graph machine learning models for alternative credit scoring.
My ego is offff the roof today!! -
My brain used to be normal and I used to think callback is bizarre.
Now I understand callback and my brain has become bizarre. -
There are 3 incorrectly labeled fruit baskets (all 3 are incorrectly labeled). One basket has only ORANGES, another one has only APPLES, and the other has mixed ORANGES-APPLES. You can't see anything. You can only pull out 1 fruit from 1 of those baskets. With that, move each label to it's corresponding basket.2
-
Today morning my sales manager calls me and tells there is a bug in one of the integration module and he tells the client has called us yesterday pls come early to office today and fix it. I asked which end point they have issue, he replies I don't know. I don't know what is the bug where is the bug, but there is a bug when they send data to us, pls find and fix it before 11 am. The worst part of this is that integration module I never worked on and the person who developed it has left the company long before and there is no documentation. when I go to that folder I see many controllers and many end points. now how will I figure out the issue 😂 I don't even know the work flow of that integration. the bug reporter (my sales manager) don't even know at what end point what issue happened.1
-
You get home from work and one half of your brain goes, "Let's just code a little to catch up on the backlog", and the other half of your brain goes, "No way you psycho, we're off from work and we're not getting paid for this. I'm not helping!"
And that's why you're code sucks when you're not at work! -
*leaning back in the story chair*
One night, a long time ago, I was playing computer games with my closest friends through the night. We would meet for a whole weekend extended through some holiday to excessively celebrate our collaborative and competitive gaming skills. In other words we would definitely kick our asses all the time. Laughing at each other for every kill we made and game we won. Crying for every kill received and game lost. A great fun that was.
Sleep level through the first 48 hours was around 0 hours. After some fresh air I thought it would be a very good idea to sit down, taking the time to eventually change all my accounts passwords including the password safe master password. Of course I also had to generate a new key file. You can't be too serious about security these days.
One additional 48 hours, including 13 hours of sleep, some good rounds Call of Duty, Counter Strike and Crashday plus an insane Star Wars Marathon in between later...
I woke up. A tiereing but fun weekend was over again. After I got the usual cereals for breakfast I set down to work on one of my theory magic decks. I opened the browser, navigated to the Web page and opened my password manager. I type in the password as usual.
Error: incorrect password.
I retry about 20 times. Each time getting more and more terrified.
WTF? Did I change my password or what?...
Fuck.
Ffuck fuck fuck FUCKK.
I've reset and now forgotten my master password. I completely lost memory of that moment. I'm screwed.
---
Disclaimer: sure it's in my brain, but it's still data right?
I remembered the situation but until today I can't remember which password I set.
Fun fact. I also could not remember the contents of episode 6 by the time we started the movie although I'd seen the movie about 10 - 15 times up to that point. Just brain afk. -
Machine learning is hard! Spent a whole day with Weka and it's Neural Networks. God my brain. There is too much to know before being really equipped to use this tool... especially from code.6
-
In these dark times, it's inspiring to see that a country as insignificant as Australia can demonstrate to us how things can always get worse.
By passing a law mandating that encryption must be broken, in secret (like the US's National Security Letters), at the demand of the Government, the two biggest parties have colluded to destroy Australia's tech sector.
This is the same government that has been whining endlessly about using Huawei LTE equipment in Australian infrastructure "because it might be secretly compromised". Now the same is true of Australian equipment, by law.
My favourite part of all this is how there will be firmware updates for devices sold in Australia, in order to comply with the new law. How well do you think those backdoors will be secured? How thoroughly do you expect them to be tested, given Australia's population of only 25 million?
How can any Australian company expect customers to trust them now?4 -
I like these rants beginning with "fuck!!!"
It makes me feel unbelievable good!
It literrallycleans up my brain!!!!!!
Fuck!1 -
Me:
Spending a year writing the code and designing the architecture for an insanely complex OSS project that is supposed to "save humanity".
Reality:
Still only 100 commits in and 0.1 % of the way to pre-alpha.
Painful Reality:
Turns out similar project already exists, was written by PhDs with stats/math background and has significantly more access to funding and resources.
[¬º-°]¬2 -
Yesterday, my team had a react crash-course workshop.
It was like "you have to import a couple of libs, use 'em in different react elements you pull up and Tadaaaa! Magic is happening and your app works".
This workshop was the pinnacle of "intense".
I understood 60% of the stuff.
My team-mates about 15%.
So react is the front-end technology of choice after our architectural-team. The other teams have to use this the technology for their UIs.
This will be a lot of fun ^^1 -
end semester exams are coming, so I decided to study (because I fucked up last time and don't want the same this time).
*5 minutes into studying*
my brain: hey, you heard about ArchLinux? they say it's cool. Let's install it.
why ? why brain, can't you fucking focus on something different for 5 fucking minutes ? -
Update from the hackathon:
We decided to create a co-op game where you there is an agent on the field who has to reach an objective, while the operator guides him toward the exit on each level and opens/closes the remotely controlled doors for the agent. We want to add enemies that somehow will try to kill the agent, but we'll see what we manage to do. 🙄
Now I'm currently trying to sleep, but: Went to sleep at 2:15 and I have barely slept 2 fucking hours. Now it's 6:56. Still trying to sleep, but my brain is a cunt. 😲5 -
Just echoed /dev/null to .bashrc instead of .bash_history. I've been adding to that file since Ubuntu 16.04 came out.7
-
Two assignments due tomorrow and exams looming large. Now would be the perfect time to start learning new framework.1
-
"Dim lighting is producing dimwits, It can change your brain structure .."
I'm fucked ... we all are.
https://fastcodesign.com/90159662/...6 -
Who the fuck thought putting a motherfucking portable AC that is almost half my weight and that has rotating wheels on the bottom onto a fucking flimsy piece of angled cardboard was a fucking good idea?!!
That fukken thing drove over my toe, ripped several layers of skin off and sliced into it at the same time... I just couldn't open my mouth for probably 5 minutes because I would just be shouting and swearing like crazy... There was a trail of blood behind me as I somehow made my way to a first aid kit... I'm considering going to the hospital to get it checked but I thankfully managed to stop the bleeding with bandages....
Fucking hell....5 -
Sometimes I feel like my brain has a really fast CPU. But the RAM frequency really bottlenecks the whole system.
Any suggestions to upgrade the RAM?2 -
I already forgot what are the different sorting algorithms I learned last week. I already forgot sin, cos, tan, log, and some Math concepts in school. How not to forget these things easily? I could recall them once I see a sample and a brief explanation.4
-
$ python
Python 3.6.1 (default, Feb 2018, 42:06:66)
[GCC 4.8.2] on linux
>>> print(None)
None
>>> print("The ideas in my head are always better")
The ideas in my head are always better -
Every time I read the abbreviation for Cold Fusion Markup Language, my brain translates it to this:
CFML -> C?! F*ck my life!! -
A brain whenever someone is working on a project:
Does the person I control have motivation? If so, I remember the person of another task so he/she/helicopter can't work on it.
Does the person I control have time?
If so, I set the person's motivation level to zero.
After this extremely accurate research I think we are better of by removing our brain.
BTW, I publish this research here under the MIT license.3 -
I'd love to start a pet project, but my brain refuses to come up with an idea. 😑
At least I'm used to it, seems like my creativity is not existent.14 -
On call with customer
Cstmr: What version is this?
Me: Can I see the build number plz?
Cstmr: Yeah
Me: *checks against internal doc*
Me: It's version X
Cstmr: Are you sure?
Me: Um...I'm pretty sure
Cstmr: I'm gonna check
Cstmr: *mutes me and spends 10mins finding public version of the doc*
Cstmr: Ah, it's update X
Me: *................* yes2 -
Lesson of the day:
<If a section of your code keeps on bringing errors, just comment it. The code is likely to work./>4 -
My brain literally hurts after today. Client gave me a task to make some fucking masonry like layout, but he wanted to sort items manually and also he wanted to manually stack two items one above another. That was so fucking hard to make, I can't remember anything harded. Shit...
-
Just imagine sicknesses spreading through internet.
I mean real human sicknesses. Of course your laptop can’t generate aids, but hey, did you ever have a song stuck in your head, repeated infinitely? Memes, viral videos, modern pop music, it looks just like perfect delivery mechanisms.
Human brain is flawed and buggy, vulnerable to countless things like optical illusions, uncanny valley, nlp and others. It’s obvious that there is some audiovisual input sequence that may have arbitrary side effects.
We are towards invention of some precisely formed pieces of information that’ll damage your brain forever, maybe drive you insane so there’ll be no way back. Delivered via viral media straight to your brain, destroying it irreversibly.
Be ready to face the future.2 -
Learnt Python Fundamentals while taking a dump...
It might have been due to being in a vulnerable state during that time but I am kind of enjoying the simpletons' language..
Must go to a Doctor for a brain examination... 🤨
I should be concerned1 -
I've been doing alot in eclipse recently and the keyboard shortcut for the intellisense window is ctrl + space. Suddenly I was asked to update some documentation; 10 minutes it took me to figure out word doesn't have intellisense!
-
> uses two workstations
> Forgets to commit code on one before moving to the other
> Works on the other and pushes
> Brain does what it's great at and forgets how to reset to HEAD
> Brain convinces me the only way to handle the issue was to commit my half-working code and then pull
It was only 5 o'clock. What the fuck.
-
Customer to me: "This should be right aligned, not left aligned. We need a fix on this 10 year old version, it's a blocker we can't do any work without it!"
Me to customer: "No. Not a blocker, minor change. We'll look at it next minor version."
Customer to boss: <repeat above>
Boss to me: "This is a blocker, check out the code and fix it today!"
FUUUUUUUUCK!
Minor stylistic changes are not goddamned fucking blockers!
I call this the "Jump; No; Boss Jump; Fuck!" effect.3 -
I'm on leave but my brain won't stop thinking about ways to refactor that one js module I was working on yesterday into a functional one.
The fuck, brain?? I'm doing you a favor here by letting you take a day off! -
I have course in university where I have to learn how bitcoin works and stuff.
Now you might say these concepts done there are "interesting". But when seen completely rational and compared to existing concepts, also invented after 1990... This is plain bullshit.2 -
Working on a project, got stuck, thought to call it a night but nooo. Fucking brain decided to come up with a solution 0.0000001 ms right after I shut my eyes. Now I am way too tired to open my laptop back again and I am forced to use Facebook Graph API on my cellphone. FML
-
Can't you just use your brain before coming to me for help??!!! The button says "use another account" so, yes, it is the correct thing to click if you want to USE ANOTHER ACCOUNT!!!
-
me: getting really sick on the last day of vacation
also me: at 4am my brain is wake af trying to solve my programming problems.
bad timing brain! -
Hello Guys, I am in a dilemma whether I should update my Laptop to Windows 10 Fall Creator Update or not. Any honest opinions or recommendations from Devs?
(posed to Windows Users)7 -
As a developer with adhd, some days are just wasted and ends with the brain getting stack overflow from to much unorganized code and infinite callbacks 😂
$brain = new adhdBrain;
while($brain.energy > 0) {
$brain->checkSocialMedia();
$brain->work();
$brain->readNews();
$brain->getAngryWithSoundsInTheOffice();
$brain.energy--;
}
public function work() {
$brain->getAngryWithSoundsInTheOffice();
$brain->readNews();
$brain->code();
$brain->readEmail();
$brain.energy--;
}
public function getAngryWithSoundsInTheOffice() {
$brain->readEmail();
$brain->angry++;
$brain.energy--;
}
public function readEmail() {
$brain->work();
$brain->readNews();
$brain.energy--;
}
public function readNews() {
$brain->work();
$brain->getAngryWithSoundsInTheOffice();
$brain.energy--;
} -
So I created a program that the user runs when they have data to process, the program processes it and emails the correct people alerting them that the reports have been made and are ready for distribution.
Colleague: I ran the program and it didn't work.
Me: Why am I being told this on Friday? You said you'd run it by Tuesday.
Colleague: *this part translates to 'I forgot and now I'm in trouble'*
Me: Did you click the "help" button I put into the program?
Colleague: Oh.
And that's how my bosses got their new reports on time. -
Oracle database with PL/SQL, heavy use of triggers, and viewception.
Sure, let's take what's supposed to be a data store, embed shitloads of logic in it, make sure everything has side effects, and ensure nothing is ever straightforward.
Untracable, impossible to debug and overall a mess of epic proportions!2 -
I work on a small team, and we recently got an artist on it.
The artist has lights on, but nobody is home syndrome and it is driving me nuts.
This guy took 10 iterations on a model where the main request was to fucking change the fucking UV mapping. Here is how that went in a nutshell:
1. Hey, the model is ok, the guy needs a cape with some bones in it. The cape needs to share the material, here is the material, cape already on it. We also need like 8 animations.
1a. No cape visible, animations half done, and done shitty.
2. Correct the animations and all the above points asap. Ok?
2a. Few more animations 1 half corrected wrong, wonky exports. Has cape
3. Again, same.
3a. I got the wrong corrections, cape doesn,t move. Uv wrong and seperate material. Aaaarrrggg
It litterally took 7 more of those loops and now we have it going in 1 material and 5 wonky but workable animations. And the next character half of the same shit happens all over again. Fuck me, fuck him. Fuck this, i hate artists. I made a fucking list what is so hard?!2 -
Total brain crash...
Was writing a word doc.
Got interrupted by a colleague
When i got back to the doc my brain instinctively told me: "You idiot, you can't write anything while debug is running"
Spent a whole 5 mins trying to find stop button... wait... this is word....
Is this a bug in my brain?1 -
A dedicated team has built an "infrastructure" for creating UI for c++ developers in the company. What looks like a poor attempt at recreating what Microsoft did with XAML at first glance, it actually is a horrible exercise in force feeding people the stinking pile of shit that their code is.
The idea is to make it easy to create UI for developers who aren't used to front end development. They should just need to declare the layout. Very noble.
But.
If you want to do anything more than show a checkbox or a radio button, if you dare to define relationships between the UI controls or worse, if you get ambitious with creating a simple UI that uses a lot of similar controls and similar relationships with dynamic content... be prepared to eat your own barf from eating too much of their shit.
Not only do you now need to write front end code (including JS among others), you need to do it with limited or poor support and you have to make sure that it sits well with the house of moist, crumbly cards the team proudly created. Or resort to some very stupid and performance costing "bypasses" that further cripple your application code. Usually you have to do both of these things.
To think that scores of other teams have welcomed this amazing enhancement with full support without any resistance. It's sickening.
I waste too much of energy (and good jokes!) with these people.4 -
So yesterday evening when going to bed I wanted to sleep asap.
Therefore I used a 'tactic' called count to ten and then start over again. This is supposed to be relaxing so you stop thinking about other things an you get sleepy faster.
It usually works...
...But then my brain decided to write a program for said procedure in my mind. I actually started thinking:
int count=0;
While ( ! isAsleep() ){
think(count);
count++;
If( count == 10 ){
count = 0;
}
}
It didn't really help me falling asleep...1 -
Took me some days (considering I code every week or so since that when I open the IDE my motivation is nowhere to be seen) to realize that instead of writing "implement" to implement the methods of an interface I was writing "extend". I mentally facepalmed. Why are you so stupid sometimes brain
-
Just tried to attach a reminder for tomorrow to the window object of my brain. Uff... Enough JS and JSON for this week.
Have a nice weekend with stable friday deploys, fellas! -
One of the key principles in Life is acceptance. I just wish some of the codes could understand this....
-
Spent nearly 2 hours why the module/plugin on the system was not working. Delete the plugin. Get it from git. Nope. Restart all services, restart server. Still the same. No errors, nothing.
Realized that I had cloned the wrong git repository.
Fuck me.1 -
Aaaaahhhhhcjdlsoxhwjskckshshckwkdjxjdfesc
Maybe I should quit my job already, drive for Uber for a while and self-study until I get into a coding bootcamp, and find a better job.1 -
Well, I just finished resolving the problems with my Angular dependencies. It has been 3 days of trying to come up with the solution, and in the end, it was all a matter of version mismatch of three dependencies. Now I can (actually) get to work on my project.
-
Fucking foggy-feeling brain and constant fatigue. I'll sit down, tell myself "I'm going to finish this project by tonight," and end up being trash at osu! till 10 PM.7
-
I've been coding for almost all day when I decided to add in uploading of files... I need to take a break... ☕1
-
I've always thought about it, knowing to program is innate. I've seen a lot of people with motivation but struggling to understand the logic behid. On the other hand for the good programmers this understanding comes naturally, like as if their brains already worked that way.3
-
Its midnight here...worked for almost 12 hours.... Spend the last 30 mins or so very frustrated and try to figure out why I am not getting desired response. Edited the code again and again... Soon I realize... I am editing local codes, never pushed to live. And Im testing live the whole time....WOW. I am relieved and ashamed at the same time.
-
My brain as stopped, I know I have done this in the past but I have 100% forgotten how I did it, I am creating a website where when I am singed in/connect to it, it enables more content, the content would be only hosted via my computer, when I did it in the past I did it behind a none upnp router but I have no idea who I did it, I am sure I did use a tool but I forget what.
Now I have no idea how to word it so unable search for something like it, why dose my brain do this two me.
Anyone know how to file deleted and forgotten files in brain OS 0.1.
Record, document and back up your ideas guys lol you might need it in the future. -
if (in_array($needle, $haystack)){
return true;
}else{
return false;
}
# yeah, I did it.... wtf brain!!1 -
Emailed the dutch and French MEP's about article 13 (eu stuff) and I got an answer from a French one, however, it landed in my spam folder and I deleted it before I finished processing what it said...2
-
Do you guys know brain.fm? Its superb making you more productive. I have found it yesterday and it is look promising to my productivity.2
-
"The curse of interruption addiction" said the headline. Yeah I'll go ahead and click that. Good read. Now back to work. For a few minutes...
http://bbc.com/capital/story/... -
Listening to a random song and memories to a band of a friend of mine I listened decades ago appear because the singer had a similar voice. Sometimes I love my brain.
-
An artificial human brain with computers operational power. OMG !!!! That will surely take unlimited time.2
-
Skip to last block for actual question, everything else is about what i see and dont understand.
Machine learning and artificial intelligence is very interesting to me, ive watched a few videos but i cant manage to wrap my mind around it.
I see a few people starting out with projects that appear to be an easy start, but i of course have no idea, were they make a self-driving car in GTA (crashes alot, but still) or teach the program to complete levels in a game (snake, mario, run forrest)
I watched a few videos on Jabrils youtube channel that seemed to make alot of sense, until one point..
How does the AI know when it hit a wall?
How does it know where the walls are?
How does it measure the distance? How does it know when it has respawned?
I find it really, really confusing.
Can anyone of you geniuses suggest me anything to get into this? Id prefer if the goal was to make an AI using machine learning, that can complete some basic game, like in Jabrils videos.2 -
Wednesdays. The day we get every single dev in a meeting room, and get everyone to explain what the fuck they are working on and what sort of issues they are having. Regardless of whether you'll ever see that site or not. Can't think of a bigger fucking waste of time.... ....meetings for the sake of meetings.... PISS OFF!!1
-
Studying. I decide to study for an exam and not only the "coding-zone" is here, but I have an infinite amount of new ideas. Yesterday I fixed some old bugs in the matter of 30min, did some piece of working code for chrome-like notifications in 10min (working, not pretty) and today passed the exam. Slept 2 hours though.
Brain is insane, what do you want to hear... -
So I apparently forgot to encrypt some parameters when sending error reports from our app to the server.
Which means the server tried to decrypt them but couldn´t and just threw an error...
No error logs for the app this week I guess. Yay!
I need "git reset --hard head~1" for my brain this weekend, to get rid of this week... -
TFW you can’t figure out why your code is only running once, then realize that you forgot to put it in a loop.
(It’s in a try catch block so my brain interpreted that as a loop) -
You know you been thinking to much your your Friday ends with your head being you fucked you use yourself as the rubber duck to debug your code...2
-
How to get through tough dev days?
Cursing, lots and lots of cursing. Cursing your boss, cursing at your boss, cursing at your (deserving) coworkers, and cursing life, the universe and whoever invented this fucking shit!1 -
When someone starts of the conversation with...do you know anything about iOS SDKs 😒😒😒😒? You want me to do your project? No Thank you!1
-
You know when you're tired and want to go to bed, but your brain goes "Shame about that. I've got a million ideas that you need to try out now"
-
How do you deal with information overflow? Like having to switch contexts quite often, or trying to learn a thousand things. Or remembering multiple things?8
-
ISTQB tutorial (testing) with cold dead syntetic voice.... brain liquifying under unreleting bordom! KILL ME NOW!!!1
-
Me: let's focus on this aws developer - associate course and learn something new..
My Brain: hey look, Prince Harry just got engaged.. Let's read all about UK's monarchy!!!1 -
Tmw you look at something and instantly get a new project idea.
This is why I have so many unfinished projects.
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