Goes on teams, since it got shoved down my throat because everyone has to use this malware. Might at least clock around to see what free shit it has to offer.

Oh cool, visio? Thats the architecture diagramming tool isnt it? Thats perfect I could use it for my presentation, let me just drag this UML class...

YoU HaVe DiScOvErEd A PrEmIuM FeAtUrE! BuY ViSiO NoW!!

Sometimes, I wish the times of companies simply barring you from access completely to come back. Freemium is the worst bullshit piece of shit business model ever.

New baby girl 🥰

Worryingly, at 4:04pm.

Just learned that the existing US administration is going to restrict AI to a just a handful of allowed companies. They are talking about limiting AI like they did physics during WW2.

If you don't hate your government then you don't know the evil shit they are doing.

Not sure what will happen come January.

Just came back from 6 months of leave.

Didn't touch a computer. Honestly I'm getting used to mouse, it feels so weird??

Anyway, I hope you've all been doing great.

3 pm salami and cheese...

As a frelancer: Many fucking meetings, last minute request, clients/bosses thinking days last 10 hours and no way to prove overtime other than work. Sometimes, you are even punished with less money for being efficient.

Be an asshole, sign a contract with a budget, get paid start and end, respect yourself more than you respect your clients. Clients are assholes until proven otherwise.

Anyone already had a more unrealistic deadline than the writer for the question of week wk386?

Microsoft. Ah, microsoft. That excellent company that made Windows. Ah, Windows, that excellent OS that it's team made WinAPI. Ah WinAPI. That excellent API that has WinMain. Ah W- FUCK WINMAIN IT RUINS EVERY PROJECT SERIOUSLY WINMAIN WINAPI GO FUCK URSELF HEY WINDOWS TEAM REFACTOR RECODE OR WATHEVER YOUR API AHHH

Making python 2x faster by replacing enums with literal values.

Pros, it's faster, cons, it's unreadable.

God I miss compiled languages. At least optimizing them requires intelligent problem solving.

It's a text parser state machine transition so it's a code hot spot, so this kind of optimization is worthwhile. But it's kinda annoying.

Next is get rid of any semblance of readability and replace the match with an array index...

"Microsoft Visual Studios 2022 Community Edition"
or
"Microsoft Visual Studios 2022 Communist Edition"

Get to work on porting C++ code to C#. It will be a fun change of pace.

Manager: You want a promotion? To senior? Ha. Well, build this web app from scratch, quickly, while still doing all your other duties, and maybe someone will notice and maybe they’ll think about giving you a promotion! It’ll give you great visibility within the company.

Your first project is adding SSO using this third party. It should take you a week.

Third party implementation details: extremely verbose, and assumes that you know how it works already and have most of it set up. 👌🏻

Alternative: missing half the details, and vastly different implementation from the above

Alternative: missing 80%; a patch for an unknown version of some other implementation, also vastly different.

FFS.
Okay, I roll my own auth, but need creds and a remote account added with the redirects and such, and ask security. “I’m building a new rails app and need to set up an SSO integration to allow employees to log in. I need <details> from <service>.” etc. easy request; what could go wrong?

Security: what’s a SSO integration do you need to log in maybe you don’t remember your email I can help you with that but what’s an integration what’s a client do you mean a merchant why do merchants need this

Security: oh are you talking about an integration I got confused because you said not SSO earlier let me do that for you I’ve never done it before hang on is this a web app

Security: okay I made the SSO app here you go let me share it hang on <sends …SSL certificate authority?>

Boss: so what’s taking so long? You should be about done now that you’ve had a day and a half to work on this.

Abajdgakshdg.

Fucking room temperature IQ “enterprise security admin.”
Fucking overworked.
Fucking overstressed.

I threw my work laptop across the room and stepped on it on my way out the door.
Fuck this shit.

GitHub releasing the worlds most awful report trying with all their might to make copilot look good.

- percentages did not add up to 100 (one was under, one was over)
- errors not defined as functional errors, but “any code that reduced the ability for the code to be easily understood” (what in the subjective bullfuck is that?)
- apparently 200 participants but 25 represented 40% of the population????

LLMs are already decreasing the average GitHub employee IQ to functionally retarded levels :(

Me: Hey, guys, this stuff is seriously flammable. Like, I’m surprised it hasn’t caught fire yet. I really want to clean it up. Here’s how I’d make it better.

Management: No. It’s fine, it works. Don’t touch it. It’s getting replaced anyway. Just add the things on top like we asked you to, and call it a day.

Me: Are you sure? This is seriously going to be a problem.

Management: We just said it’s getting replaced. Don’t. touch. anything. OK?

Me: alright.

… Eight weeks later …

Management: so this thing caught fire over the weekend, and the fire spread to other areas. We’re doing some emergency cleanup. The new guy looked at it and figured out why, and has some great ideas on fixing it, so give him some well-deserved praise!

Me: Hey! I told you about this months ago!

Management: Yes. I tuned out during today’s firefighting meetings. But it’s important to strike a balance in everyone’s style. Do you have any other concerns?

fuck css (CASCADING STYLE SHIT) fuck css css son of fuckign whore i will learn c++ but no tthis fucking son of bitch after 4 fucking years in industry now i completed a whole course on fucking css and i go to a blank page created a div to practice and all i want it to make the div appear in center there is not fucking way i can do it son of whore css AYOOOO fuck css yeah!?
fuck this bitch ass niggas pussy fuck son of whole fuck bitch css cascading style shit its so fucking complex flex fucking box grid fucking dick align items inside my wifes pussy justify my asshole motherfucker nowrap my ass maybe wrap my ass bitch pusy

I would prefer to DESIGN A WHOLE FUCKInG ALGORITHM then to center a fucking div or align items inside my ass

Kiki’s meme of the day

Kiki’s meme of the day

Kiki's meme of the day

Kiki’s meme of the day

I had to demonstrate file uploading, clicked “Select file…”, it opened a file dialog, and there were photos of me posing with cum on my face.

Potential client once asked for a clone of Amazon, for $5000, in one month. I did not take the project.

Dear great ux lords at ms azure devops, could you make the whole freaking button clickable instead of just the text inside of the button?

So true

Turns out you can treat a a function mapping parameters to outputs as a product that acts as a *scaling* of continuous inputs to outputs, and that this sits somewhere between neural nets and regression trees.

Well thats what I did, and the MAE (or error) of this works out to about ~0.5%, half a percentage point. Did training and a little validation, but the training set is only 2.5k samples, so it may just be overfitting.

The idea is you have X, y, and z.
z is your parameters. And for every row in y, you have an entry in z. You then try to find a set of z such that the product, multiplied by the value of yi, yields the corresponding value at Xi.

Naturally I gave it the ridiculous name of a 'zcombiner'.

Well, fucking turns out, this beautiful bastard of a paper just dropped in my lap, and its been around since 2020:

https://mimuw.edu.pl/~bojan/papers/...

which does the exact god damn thing.

I mean they did't realize it applies to ML, but its the same fucking math I did.

z is the monoid that finds some identity that creates an isomorphism between all the elements of all the rows of y, and all the elements of all the indexes of X.

And I just got to say it feels good.

Looks like I can finally post images

How does shutting down win11 take 5 times as long as booting it

Oh, $work.

Ticket: Support <shiny new feature> in <seriously dated code> to allow better “searching” (actually: generating reports, not searching)

UI: “Filter on” inputs above a dynamic JS table don’t update said table; they trigger generating a new report.

Seriously dated code: 12 years old. Rails v3-isms. Blocks access without appropriate role; role name buried in secrets configuration files. Code passes data round-trip between server/client/server/model that isn’t ever used. Has two identical reports with slightly different names, used interchangeably. Uh, I guess I’ll update both?

Reports: Heavily, heavily abstracted; zero visibility.

Shiny new feature: Some new magical abstraction layer with no documentation nor comments. Nobody in my team knows how it works. The author… won’t explain, but sent me her .ppt presentation on it (the .ppt, not a recording).

Useless specs for seriously dated code: Tests exclusively factory-generated data; not the controller, filters/lookups, UI, table data, etc.

Seriously dated code and useless spec author: the CISO.

The worst part: I’m not even surprised at any of this.

!dev

There’s this person at $work who never uses punctuation of any kind. She has mental issues and insists on neutral pronouns (and strongly advertises these) so I’ll use the indefinite to pretend to be respectful. It has multiple thoughts while typing a message and just keeps typing through all of them without stopping. It pauses not to collect its thoughts, to edit for clarity or to fix mistakes, to separate anything (including disjoint topics), to summarize, etc. (Though calling these “thoughts” is a huge stretch, given its lack of propensity for that particular subject.) It’s as if it has zero distinction between writing and speaking, and simply lets the mental diarrhea flow while their fingers do their best to keep pace. Reading these trainwrecks of thought — and gleaning any useful information from them — is always difficult and a little bit painful.

It is also in charge of IT security, which is more than a bit worrying. (But I hate the company with a passion, so it doesn’t bother me nearly as much as it otherwise would.)

!rant I pity anyone who may have overheard my interaction with a gecko that managed to sneak inside my house when I went to get a package on my doorstep last night around midnight

“Hey little guy, let’s try to get you to go back outside, okay? Nonononooo not that way, fella. Down the wall. DOWN. DO NOT CLIMB BACK UP. Okay. Yeah, see, there you go. Good job. OH MY GOD DO NOT DO THAT. Listen, I think you’re fucking cute, okay? BUT IF YOU CHARGE AT ME LIKE THAT, YOU TRIGGER MY FEAR RESPONSE AND YOU MAKE IT REALLY HARD FOR ME NOT TO KILL YOU. Hooooooly shit, little dude. You were so almost dead. Okay. Okay, yeah, go out the door. Door. Yesssss.”

closes door, only to realize little dude’s tail is still on this side

“OMG LITTLE DUDE, are you okay?!!” opens door, little dude sneaks back inside

“Noooooo you need to go outside. Come on, you know you want to go outside”

Finally managed coax him out the door and confirmed he’d cleared the doorway before closing and locking it.

New developers(5-6 years experience) these days are so pathetic. They dont have any sense of code review. All they want is to put their opinion out without giving any thought.

I had a PR for review today which contains mock specification to match a regular expression and return the corresponding response

The regular expression I put was

104000(02|06|20|48)

Now, this guy comes and puts a comment that we could "simplify" as 104000\d{2}

I replied, the ending digits are not contiguous. The specific pair of digits have to match for these mocks.

Then this guy replied, then we could simplify as 104(0{4}(2|6)l0{3}(20|48)).

I said, I cannot understand how that is simplification. Why do we need such a complex regex to match something very straight forward.

And the guy replied, we should be writing proper regexes, otherwise we could just specify everything explicitly.

I was like WTF man. You try deciphering this next week without taking at least a minute to know which values are matched.

Anyhow, another senior person approved my PR, and I merged it.

Our customers are fucking incredible QA Engineers, holy fuck tits. Every single day, some fucking fuckface finds a way to break this garbage can legacy application that I've spent the last year combing over and patching as I find problems or are otherwise made aware of them.

Honestly, I have some QA background myself, but these types of issues would just absolutely never in a bajillion shitting farting years occur to me to do.

They are masters of breaking shit, I am so FUCKING IMPRESSED. Almost as impressed that this application hasn't been replaced after ten years of bullshit, and that the two massive fucking retards that preceded me didn't just do it the right way by accident or fucking kill themselves out of shame.