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Client : pls put the disclaimer that the site uses cookies.
Me: but we don't use cookies this is a static page
Client: Still, the pop up makes the site look more professional, kindly add the feature asap
Me: :/22 -
I have decided to learn how to fix the printer. Because it seems like it is the number one skill in demand..10
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Me learning JavaScript
Step 1 console.log("hello world")
Step 2 change the devrant avatar t shirt to js8 -
Some sort by Date, some by length, others by upvotes. But devrant's algorithm is so great it sorts by sarcasm.
4 -
Great phrase from my PM (sarcasm):
"Don't waste time with maintainable code, we have a lot of bugs to solve"4 -
Client wants a beautiful webpage ASAP.
I just discovered the perfect CSS that will magically fix all of their problems:
body {
display : none ! important;
}
The best part is that its mobile friendly by default.
After all,
Simplicity is key 😉12 -
Long time no see Friend:- "hey dude what do you do for a living"
Me:- "I suffer in silence"
Ltnsf:- " but what exactly do you do"
Me:-"I stare at a rectangular space hoping to find enlightenment" -
Account guy saw me coding...
account guy: so you type a lot.. how can you remember so much??
me: ??
account guy: I mean there is NO LOGIC in what you do, so you must read these things and type them here... you need to remember a lot.. right??
me: ohh... that... well.. I have very good memory :)
p.s. last line was sarcasm12 -
Free advice take it or leave it
A few days ago I completed my one year work anniversary(is that how it's said) at my first job. And this rant is basically stuff I learnt and stuff I wish someone had told me when I was starting out. Here goes:-
When you are starting out your first job you would be a fresh out of college and people around you in college are your friends where as people around you at work are colleagues. Your friends can like you, but you have to earn the respect of colleagues.
If you sit yo ass too long u will become fat(started going to the gym again).
Don't bother your seniors too much. they have their own shit to deal with.
Don't bring your personal shit to office I don't want to hear how cute your dog looked while it took a dump on your carpet.
Avoid the person who gossips.
It's a two way street.
Whatever you find amazing your boss may not you know coz you are a geek and your boss isn't.
Don't talk to people when they are coding.Yeah just don't.
Avoid "below the belt" humor you may look funny but you loose respect in the long run.
Keep upgrading yourself don't stop learning.
Admit stuff you don't know don't Bullshit.
To sum it up it's a game of respect, respect of knowledge,respect of skill and most of all respect of attitude.7 -
Okay okay here's another one
Client:pls put a pop up that asks the users weather they are sure about leaving the page.
Me: I think that would be redundant
Since he clicked the close button to close the page.
Client: what if he is unsure of leaving the page now he will stay.
Me: :/
Client:And another one when his login fails.
Me: pop ups can be disabled it's not good to use them especially for login screen.
Client (now slightly annoyed): Well,put a pop up warning them not to, isn't it obvious.God!!! I thought you were the smart one.
Me:;/21 -
Guys google have made a revolutionary discovery, it's going to change smartphones for the better!!!!
(Yes must clarify this is immense amounts of sarcasm because fucking hell google you would think you have all this money that you could work this fucking shit out...)
12 -
current stage of development at work
anger and rejection at first but now ends up at acceptance and sarcasm
4 -
Guys I've been working on this site for months now. Can you help me and test it? (Write me your feedback on comments pls)
Link: https://localhost:808013 -
My dad used to be a software engineer so he and my mom understand. They just "want better" for their daughter, and for me to "use my gifts" whatever those are.
Unless they mean my sarcasm and foul mouth. But I can use those as a dev.8 -
What's wrong with this developer. I know at some point Eclipse was king, so you better stop playing with peoples emotions, lol 😅.
7 -
Linux is sooo offensive. I think we should replace the 'sudo' command with pretty_please or something like that. What if the PC doesn't feel like executing the command? At this point, sudo-ing can be considered rape.10
-
And the award for the most ridiculous article in tech goes to...
http://m.thehindubusinessline.com/i...
This article is an interview of the CEO of one of the biggest companies in India
15 -
It's so fuckin hard to work with people who don't get sarcasm or humour.
The UI guy gives me design (which is a regular design, not something unique)
Me: “wow fresh and unique design (obviously sarcasm).”
Designer: “thanks, I worked on this whole day. Glad you like it.”
Me: “huh...”
Now I feel like a terrible person.6 -
>be me
>Get hit by a wave of depression
>Question the reason for your existence
>Open laptop start coding as a distraction
>Discover/invent/learn something new
Hey that's nice!!! (wait for the next wave of depression)9 -
Here's what I saw today
To add space between two rows of images.
<div>
//A row of images
</div>
<h1 style="color:white">a</h1>
<div>
//A row of images
</div>11 -
In the span of a week, I:
* broke up with my girlfriend
* had to make a site go live for a client that wouldn't fucking cooperate and give me what I needed to get the fucking site live
* was given legacy code for a wordpress site that looked like what a fucking brainless monkey would type out by smashing its head repeatedly on the keyboard.
It can only get better from here, right?5 -
!rant && sarcasm
For a long time now I've been trying to convince people to use secure communication. I'm used to getting called "paranoid", but the killer phrase always was (and still is): "Why do you want me to encrypt my communication, I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, so I don't care who's reading it" - "It's not about hiding something, it's about private stuff staying private" - "Yeah, whatever"
"I have nothing to hide". That always killed the conversation... until I asked them to hand me their phones, unlocked, for 5 minutes.
"No" - "Why? I thought, you had nothing to hide and don't care who's reading it?" - "Uhmmm..."
More and more people around me are popping up in my Signal contact list.
Looks like they suddenly care a lot about private stuff staying private </sarcasm>11 -
Photoshop,...
because why use an:
IDE / editor,
terminal,
SASS/LESS compiler,
package managers,
git,...
when you can make your website as a photo, slice it up and export to html. EASY PEAZY6 -
5 years ago i was working on a 2D game using C and we needed to use the sleep function (I forgot why ) .but however one of my team member did something new , for each second he did an empty for loop from 0 to 1000000 .You never know maybe that's how it's implemented (sarcasm)1
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Currently in the middle of quarterly planning (its been fun so far). Needs to be signed off by business today.
- My team has ~25 man weeks available in terms of capacity.
- Looking at only priority 0 tasks, last night we calculated the ask from product stands at 64.
- Including P1's, P2's etc. its well over 100 man weeks.
- Email was sent around from business with a list of tasks, asking which can be dropped, de-scoped etc.
Product (non technical) response this morning:
- This one can't take 2 weeks, its not that complicated.
- This one needs to stay, It was originally a Q1 task.
- Can we make this one smaller? (currently only a 3 week task)
- 14 comments on other teams items.
<extreme-sarcasm>
... ah perfect, that cut down the items by less than half. We are now ready for the deadline in 4 hours to have all this signed off on. Great job everyone. Thanks for all the insightful discussions. Go team!
</extreme-sarcasm>6 -
The best way to learn something is to teach someone...
If you learn a framework or a language or a tool u make sure u teach it to someone it helps u understand it better and someone else is also smarter6 -
This is a conversation my friend and I had.
Me: let me just delete this file
*rm -rf filename*
Frnd: what does the rf do?
Me: Don't know man I just do it coz the memes tell me to.6 -
Client(over the phone):- I want an Android app where there job seekers and recruiters.
Me:- sounds reasonable enough, ok
Client:-i want job seekers to apply for the job and recruiters to post the job.
Me(gets a bad feeling);- doable ok.
Client:- and I want an admin user who can see all the users and do everything.
Me(yup there it is):- what do you mean by everything?
Client :- you know everything, talk to recruiters talk to see everyone using the app, you know everything.
Me :- no I don't know this "everything" that you speak of, tell me more, what screens (activity) should that have and stuff.
Client (getting irritated):- everything the admin user usually does.
Me(yare yare daze):- i will show number of users in a graph.
I have a feeling this is not over yet7 -
WTF! So much struggle to set an avatar? I thought that's the most easy thing to do in profile creation...!!!
@devrant, see I have started already...😁😁😁
7 -
This delete Facebook thing it, we devs have been telling people that Facebook can steal data.
now its our turn to tell I told u so...9 -
//begin midnight rant
THATS IT, I AM PISSED OFF NOW ABOUT THIS SNAPCHAT SHIT!!!
I DON'T GIVE A FUCK !!!
I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN SNAP CHAT WAS INVENTED
I DIDN'T GIVE A FUCK WHEN WATSAPP COPIED ITS FEATURE(yeah I haven't seen your pathetic story)
AND I ALSO DONT GIVE A FLYING FUCK ABOUT THE SHIT ITS GOTTEN INTO NOW.
as a guy who is allergic to people I stay the fuck away from such apps.
but for God's sake get real u shit heads... Uninstalling an app is not an achievement worth bragging about( there is a drag and drop interface for it in ur Android phone)
Here is a guy who started his own company when he graduated from college and is providing employment to 100s of ppl and ur going to put that at risk just because your fragile ego was hurt because of "poor country " comment fuck u do your research that comment was made in 2015 when a monthly 1gb 3g internet would burn a hole in your pocket
Go screw yourselves u brain dead pieces of shit if u r so worked up about being called a poor country then start a company and provide jobs for the people who are struggling(why would you when uninstalling an app is so much easier).
Any one with 300 mg of common sense would have realize that the video would have difficulty in buffering in your slow ass 2g internet pack in your phone in 2015 when Jio sim was not yet introduced.
People like you are the reason I wish the super villains would win at the end of sifi movies.
I hope God(if there is one and if ever he decides to give a fuck) would give the guys who built this app the strength to get through this shit storm
PEACE OUT
//End of mid night rant11 -
!rant && !!rant
☝️ What does that give you?
Today will be the last day we gonna work at this fucking hellhole of an office. Since I had so many shits to remember from this office, let me share my favorite.
1) Ground floor. Got flooded last July. Half our equipments got soaked. Oh equipments as in computers, cables, reports documents, etc etc.
2) I am gonna miss those connection down days.
3) I will also miss those black out days where we couldn't work for hours so had to play teamwork games to keep the morale of the team and you know to stay awake.
4) I will also miss that fucking mouse or rat. You are small and cute but fuck you for chewing my potato chips and peanuts. A-hole.
5) No windows so with no air-conditioning, it is a literal hell hole.
Gotta stop. I might cry.17 -
Dear Android studio,
When u require an update please tell me u require an update.Do not pretend u can't open jdk folder or shit like that ...you could find jdk yesterday u can now
Sincerely
Me
(Frustrated insomniac)1 -
I first got into software when found an broken printer abandoned in my front porch and u fixed it. That was when I realised that I would be an IT guy
.
.
.
.
.
.just kidding1 -
http://mindprod.com/jgloss/...
Skill in writing unmaintainable code
Chapter : The art of naming variables and methods
- Buy a copy of a baby naming book and you’ll never be at a loss for variable names. Fred is a wonderful name and easy to type. If you’re looking for easy-to-type variable names, try adsf or aoeu
- By misspelling in some function and variable names and spelling it correctly in others (such as SetPintleOpening SetPintalClosing) we effectively negate the use of grep or IDE search techniques.
- Use acronyms to keep the code terse. Real men never define acronyms; they understand them genetically.
- Randomly capitalize the first letter of a syllable in the middle of a word. For example: ComputeRasterHistoGram().
- Use accented characters on variable names.
- Randomly intersperse two languages (human or computer). If your boss insists you use his language, tell him you can organise your thoughts better in your own language, or, if that does not work, allege linguistic discrimination and threaten to sue your employers for a vast sum.
and many others :D -
Me: We really need to improve our unit test coverage.
Team/Boss: <sarcasm> Haha yeah.
Production Bug: I'm doing something nasty to a client, because a dev broke something but no test coverage.
Boss: How could we have prevented this?!1 -
Win 10 is the best, I love how it just restarts without asking, no more hassle of me having to confirm anything, or save data first. finally an OS that has the confidence to just do whatever the fuck it wants, so awesome!3
-
I just read the rant: "I use base64 to encrypt my passwords". Found it hilarious!
But I can't believe the amount of people taking it seriously in the comments section! I see just one of these possible explanations.
A) They want to show off
B) They are unable to detect sarcasm
C) They have mastered trolling and I'm stupid
In case it's C, wouldn't this rant be considered as reverse trolling? 😎5 -
Attended an interview, interviewer started calling me sir (Which I took as sarcasm).
Giving so many interviews, I was use to basic oops question. This guy just offers me a job based on my resume.
Felt nice but fishy.3 -
Java script is like an angry girlfriend who won't tell you what is wrong.
This shit happened today.
Me: somearray.includes[stuff];
JS: I'm alright everything is fine.
Me: no it's not, Clearly the feature is not working.
JS:* silence*
Me: Fine be that way.. * spends lot of time debugging finally finds the issue*...oh shit.
Me: somearray.includes(stuff);
JS: I SAID NO TRAILING SPACE IN END OF THE LINE YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT NO TRAILING FUCKING SPACES AAAAHHHH!!!5 -
Opens pycharm
import time;
print(time.
*hits Ctrl+space*
>Auto complete not working
>Searches SO no answer
>Realized file saved as time.py
> Proceeds to contemplate career choice3 -
My FAVORITE bugs are those in someone ELSE's code that MY code depends on. Like an API that won't respond correctly when I FOLLOW THE DOCUMENTATION EXACTLY. 😐1
-
Copy paste from the internet, usually stack overflow without knowing what the fuck the lines do.
I saw this girl who was tasked with building a spring mvc application and she literally googled(yeah googled) "spring mvc web app" and copied from the first tutorial site and pasted it.
When errors showed up she copied everything from the second link and pasted it ... Wait for it... Without deleting the old copy but commenting it out so each file had 100 lines of code and 100 lines of comment9 -
<sarcasm>
I was amazed by looking at the design of WordPress readme at GitHub.
It's really amazing, just as good as the WordPress websites.
Please have a look
https://github.com/WordPress/...
(And the url also makes sense)
</sarcasm>4 -
Do people often misinterpret your sarcasm as being genuine maliciousness? This somewhat frequently happens to me.7
-
My refresh button on my mouse is coming loose and is about to fall off, how dare this £11.99 mouse not last for upwards of three years, it's an outrage!
-
Boss was angry complaining about delay in delivery on a recent project via our official group channel on Slack, he then uploaded this photo with me and my colleagues confused not finding a meaning to it. Lol, we just ignored and apologized.
4 -
AMAZING MIDNIGHT BREAKTHROUGH!!!
In Android studio if u disable the enable frame check box of the avd and select the graphics option to hardware the avd works a bit faster...even in a system with 4gb ram 🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌12 -
So, you may know this already...But fuck CNET once again! Don't get me wrong, even if I loved the auto-playing video ads I would still be angry af. The site loads with a decent layout at first, but then in a second it changes and all I get is a pile of shit broken because of some <sarcasm>really great</sarcasm> CSS.
P.S. Yeah, I know it's probably my ad blocker killing something that is vital for the site to keep it's shape, but I don't care about that at all. I'll never give it up. (Or let it down, for that matter)
9 -
Me:- OMG Java 9 is coming in 144 days;
Normal ppl:- ...So what😑😑
Me:- Java 9 is awesome we can type codes in cmd;
Normal Ppl:- I have net beans;
Me (thinking):- FROM WHAT HELL DID SUCH SOUL-LESS MONSTERS COME FROM 😨😨😨😨😱😱😱8 -
Project Leader is explaining to teammate how their UI will call my API and it'll run asynchronously in the background. UI guy asks: about error handling? I said the callback listener will be notified if anything goes wrong. I ask the PL, what next? just log and forget about it (that's my sarcasm)? How would anyone know this has failed?
PL says: good point and can worry about this later. Lets first focus on getting things to work.
You know later never comes. Well, except when the customer reports a problem. Its like every disaster movie you've ever seen before -
Learning to use Lightroom,
First try...
The hardest part about editing photos is to not oversaturated them even when you feel warmer colours look better . I guess I overdid it
P.S. that’s me in the picture enjoying the sky pissing on my face (sarcasm intended)
5 -
Oxford Dicktionary: A Project Manager is simply a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
-
I made a devRant bot!!
It's an anti-devRant bot bot that spams the notifications of devRant bots.
Just call @fuckbots <bot name> <message to have the attacked bot execute>
@fuckbots doesn't have a blacklist, so once all other bots have been defeated, I will call @fuckbots fuckbots. It's a wonderful circle.10 -
If you ever feel frustrated due to your UI design, Please kindly visit this website (http://lifeactionrevival.org/). It will cure your pain and you will frustrate no more.
NB: For faster relief visit website on a desktop browser.
8 -
How do working professionals find time to learn new tech? Work all weekdays... Shit tired on weekends this happens for few months and suddenly kids are b building ai and stuff and u just feel dumb.. how do you guys do it? How do you stay on top of the game?7
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i was coming out of my mom and i looked to my right and it was that computer that always beats with her heartbeat and stuff1
-
*wild LinkedIn notification appears*
>Opens LinkedIn
>Sees a video of dogs being dogs
>Reads caption something along the lines of "team work and dedication helps the universe to fight global warming and terrorism "
>*Eye rolls* -
Google is amazingly good at using tech to solve problems we did not even know we have...
I mean.. How did we even survive til this day w/o google making restaurant reservation or barbershop calls..? We are cavemen bcz we still do it all ourselves... So inefficient..
/s4 -
A rubber duck plugin for all ide that reminds the programer to drink water ( I usually forget to drink water while coding) and more than a few errors it should pop up automatically1
-
Life is about wrangling, biologists wrangle snakes, porn stars wrangle cocks, I wrangle giant JSON objects.2
-
Being honest in an interview:
- What animal would you be?
- No one else. Happy enough as human, thanks. [ sarcasm face ]11 -
I wish I was one of those brain dead sheep that study hard, fall in love, take selfies, get a job , go clubbing, get married, attend cocktail parties and make more brain dead sheep....4
-
Now I have to wear a stupid shirt, go to my stupid office and tolerate stupid people.
*Ciiiirrrrcle of lifeeeeeee1 -
!dev rant, but dev company rant (if that makes sense)
<sarcasm>
I love my company's HR, she is such a wonderful and caring woman.
</sarcasm>
<rant>
'Breng' (a public transit company in the Netherlands) was on strike today, so I couldn't go to work. No problem I thought, I'll just work from home. So I send a screenshot to the HR where you could see that every train was canceled.
A few moments later I get a message back saying that I should wait for the next train (although you could see on the screenshot that said train was also canceled)
Now I finally have a train to go to work... After sitting an hour in the cold... And I already see the smile on her face when I arrive at work...
</rant>
<prayer>
Please trains keep driving so I can go home tonight...
</prayer>13 -
Saw the following meme text on fb group.
"It took me 30 minutes to write the code. And 2 hours to fix the bugs."
But I thought it is not quite complete without this ending.
"And a single minute for client to totally dismiss everything." -
The person who I was closest to in the workplace is leaving and everyone else is a "professional employee" and they make "work safe jokes" that deserves "polite laughter" now everyone looses their shit if I let out the f word. I guess I will have my next free conversation with the goldfish.8
-
https://javascript.info/ninja-code
Hilarious article on writing “Ninja Code”. Great resource for y’all ninjas out there 😂
But seriously, don't.2 -
Love when the client knows more than you and tells you to create a report on an imaginary tool they are 100% sure it exists because their friend is an SEO expert and thinks all pages should be running at a 100 percent on lighthouse. Fml.2
-
Spend way too much time crafting email responses, littered with subtle sarcasm and hints at their total incompetence with a gentle push in to what they should be focusing on, instead of sending ridiculous half baked fucking foolish requests.1
-
Me: I'll get it to you tomorrow.
Supervisor: (*Sarcasm abounding*) That's fiiiiine, thank you sooo much for all of your haard work.
Fucker, you have no idea. Learn to code before making comments like that, goddamit.1 -
<sarcasm>
Stop wasting your money on buying ram guys... Check out this and thank me later:
http://downloadmoreram.com
</sarcasm>3 -
Ok, just built my first hello wold using react and after installing node babel react etc... The resulting folder is 51.7mb big. Makes me wonder what am I doing with my life why should I do this. what's the fucking point of it all.
Don't get me wrong I like react and I think it's really cool, but what is all this going to achieve at the end "build a website to sell rubber poop" like wtf... some company wants to sell shit and some monkey with an MBA is going to set the deadline and add Features. No one understands the shit we go through no one cares and we just build websites and Android apps... maybe there is no point here maybe there is nothing.
I remember when coding was fun now it's just building highly responsive web/Mobile based IT solutions to clients who wouldn't know a good website if it fucked them in the ass5 -
When u see Bullshit u r supposed to call it Bullshit not organically digested grass.
Thank you for your time5 -
It's almost midnight here and I just realized something. I just realized that none of my college friends have contacted me in almost a year now... Like none of them. They hang out every weekend near the college I cannot coz im working and it has never occurred to them that "hey there's this guy that we we were together for four years with , I wonder what he's doing how's he holding up" and I wasn't even an asshole or a douchebag or something I guess I just vaporizer from their memories like a volatile liquid.
I also feel like my boss gives me nearly impossible tasks so that I fail like "design these two complete web applications in three months while you do your actual job of teaching people java for 8 hrs a day"
And now here I am at midnight sitting curled up in the corner of my bed like a paranoid chipmunk that drank a pot full of dark coffee, trying to talk to this random bunch of people from random places in the world who are doing random shit right now. And the worst part is I chose this ... I wanted this I wanted to make a difference. I didn't want to be just a cog in a machine.
If I die right now how many people would cry? I ask myself that a lot it's never more than ten. This is probably creeping u out right now so I'll probably end this.
Rest assured six hrs from now I will put my mask back on. a mask of a happy, mildly funny, averagely successfully geek, until my next date with sadness3 -
I was doing code reviews for some of the new Devs recently joined... One guy wrote his entire life history in the check in description... Like Why he took this approach, why interfaces are necessary in coding, when did he lost his virginity (I doubt he ever did), what's his pet name? - sadly no information related to his online banking... Shame really...
-
Went for a job interview and they used spaces rather then tabs!!! Walked straight out of there!
(^ Sarcasm it really doesn't bother me as it's just a setting on my ide)1 -
Legit have to control myself not responding to subtle sarcasm or passive aggressiveness in people's rant or comments with utter salt and shade. 😒😒😒
Note to self: Live and let die.10 -
Management: "You are the DBA and BI head right?"
Me: "yes..."
Management: "Awesome, so that means you can develop a quick software for me to use? It's really easy!"
Me: "Awesome, here are two options since its easy, you go make it yourself or..."
Management: "Is that sarcasm?"
Me: "...or you can ask the accountant to make it"
IT Director: "you deserved that bob." -
I'm facing a conundrum. I saw a job posting for <Company A> weeks ago, but wasn't really interested and moved on.
Got in touch with a standalone recruitment company today who had an exciting job offer. The recruiter refused to tell me the name of the company until he spoke to me as they directed him to not disclose the name of the company or any details until he has verified the candidate is genuine. To my absolute shock and disbelief it was <Company A>!!!!
So heres the conundrum. External recruiters don't lie, why would they? Clearly this company MUST keep their hiring top secret, and some poor employee didn't get the memo before posting that job publicly. Should I report the <Company A> employee?
I don't want to report them and get them in trouble, but feel I must in order to help the company fix this leak ... before its too late ... and people find out the are hiring!
Thoughts?5 -
I tried and I'm giving up. I have spent nearly two years of my life trying to teach kids to code but it feels like standing in quicksand I don't get to learn new stuff I feel myself turning into the kind of teachers ppl make fun of here. I used to pride myself in being the fun teacher that kids look up to. Guess I'll quit while I'm ahead1
-
Normal person:what do you in front of laptop all day?
Me: I try to cushion the fatal blows of reality -
[sarcasm] Sure, change the front end completely after i spent half a day taking screenshots to compile documentation for other people to you use your tool...Its not like i have anything else better to do anyway >.< [/sarcasm]1
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Some people have interesting, cool or exciting lives and I know u are fascinated by them... U may even fall in love . but do remember that u r an insignificant troll who is good at doing one complicated job and whose significance cannot be comprehended, appreciated or understood by the said fascinating people. So go back to your cave do the shit u usually do coz u have a deadline to meet.
-the voice inside my head4 -
To you who enjoyed the Gif/Jiff, Sequel/EsQueEll, Git/Jeet grandiose debates, comes the new phonetic conundrum: DevREnt vs. DevRUnt. Soon, in monitors near you.6
-
Every new front end framework these days, i remember the time when I used bootstrap through cdn link... Yup those were the good old days1
-
-Rant-
How do you (not) secure your Rest based web service?
1. Chain it to shady organic authentication system built by a hoard of monkeys high on Tequila.
2. have secret keys that get copy pasted into config flat files, and index them on your code search engine.
3. make the onboarding extremely platform specific that you need 500 environment variables, 50 scripts, 5 fancy device presses and a tap dance to make a GET call to the service.
4. fish through 500 rotating log files that the authentication system generates for each API call made.
5. Leave traces all over the host so if you have to start over, you should sudo rm -rf / and set fire to your computer. -
Every bloody time I respond to a comment, devRant asks me to add my 2 cents. I only have pence here, and there is not fucking coin slot!!!! 😡
I tried the lighting port, it doesn’t fit.
Is anyone else experiencing this pay wall?11 -
You may agree or disagree, but I'm giving this my ++ for the emoji title and the sarcasm alone.
$PHP = 💩;
https://medium.com/fuzz/...3 -
Video of a kid doing something:
LinkedIn user: no matter how small you are you can conquer the world and cure cancer.
Comment one:haha very true
comment two:nope the kid must be at least 3 feet tall
Next post
Oracle: have to tried enterprises something and enterprises something, give me all your money
Rant inspired by https://devrant.com/rants/2131330/...2 -
Hitting a really deep, deep low in the manic-depressive roller-coaster of the development cycle:
There comes the crunch time. No meeting goes by hearing the odious: "We don't have time for that." - One critical component needs to be finished for Big Sur and instead of addressing the real issues we keep changing design and goal. One main dev already gave up fighting the PO and team lead(!) - and now I'm next. So that dev build this really clean and minimal library as the core part. But now it's just like, yeah, take that nice Porsche engine put it on the old rusty bicycle from the shed,.. but maybe because that's so shitty we need that specially formed exhaust pipe to tune it. Yeah, very 'agile' - Only thinking about it makes me shudder in disbelief and anger. I shouldn't take that shit so serious, be emotional about shit code, I know, but I can't. Let them drive some rounds around the block, if it runs at all,.. because until now we still didn't make it run on the fuckin' street. It's all so insane. Will make some nice fireball, when it goes up in flames.
Well, I have been part of quite some shitty projects. Real suicide commandos set out to fail, and somehow stood them through or made it even "work" though it should never have. But what enrages me here is, that it needn't to be that way. We had plenty of time. Our team was often rowing along in good rhythm. And now I just feel drowned in resignation and sarcasm. -
So someone complained to my bosses boss about some internal page where I collected some of our own funny git commit messages, because they were not "meaningful", and I had to take down said page.
Fuck that narrow-minded seriousness, why be so German? If we have to debug multi-threaded C++ programs, we need that bit of fun and sarcasm to stay sane. But probably that someone is a member of some of these "professional" Agile teams that waste a day a week with fucking retros, sprint planning or other mind-crippling meta stuff, then evaluating frameworks and tools, while we are doing motherfucking programing. -
OpenSuse'e sarcasm is BRILLIANT!
```
~$ ssh 192.168.122.43 -l root
Last login: Thu Feb 2 19:12:45 2023 from 192.168.122.1
Have a lot of fun...
localhost:~ #
```2 -
My friend asked me, "What's the equivalent of 'sudo' in Windows' command prompt?". What reply do you think I should have given? (sarcasm is welcome)10
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Skynet 😎 **evil laugh**
Or at least, an AI that can detect and emulate emotions, including sarcasm. Without errors or false results 😐1 -
I think I might need to own my own business and foot the bills. That way I can learn why it's a good idea to only focus on the short term costs and ignore the long term ones
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Is angular 1x still a thing? I feel like it's a really good front end framework but it's it used widely today?7
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My first experience with computers was when I was in school when i was in third grade we had a computer lab and we had to take our shoes off to "prevent virus" that's what we were told anyway...
There were 10 computers and 50 of us so the one who could run to the lab first would get the computer where we learnt something called as logo and while the teacher wasn't looking we would play a game called Dave. man this shit takes me back -
Company Emails that tell you
who they are
what believe in.
How they were the market leaders since the stone age.
what their values are
what their holistic approach to life is. How they are diversifying inclusiveness to include diversity.
And how all of this bull shit ties into you being a ideal employee of the organisation
Just to get you to fill a damn form.
Makes me wish the next attempt at human extinction succeeds.3 -
I just love how companies would go to any length to motivate you to work more!
As long as it doesn't cost them more than peanuts..8 -
After 10 years of living a developers life, nowadays if someone appreciates my work, I look for sarcasm or hidden motive in it.
Why appreciate me, I'm anyways expected to do a great job. -
So I want to know, can I shill at least one of my "working" sites here? I want to do measure some organic/natural traffic on this so original site(/sarcasm)
Also Im want to know if there are people here interested to help me out with my other site if they could ... specially since my finances will perhaps force me soon to take a local (retail) job to afford "normal" living
5 -
What about using "$" after punctuation to indicate $ARCASM?
e.g. I barely see people's jokes being misunderstood in devrant!$8 -
best part of being a dev... job interviews where experience always counts more than education...
i feel being a dev has given me great sarcasm skills -
Had to get my car looked at because it kept veering to the right, and my team decides to meet to work on our website without me. "You don't have to be there. It's fine." Next day, I learn that they finished a lot of the website and there's not much left to do. No, it's fine. I only wanted to contribute the ******* simple backend stuff and look like I contributed nothing to the website.
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QA: * reopens the bug I fixed *
Me: hi, whats up I thought I fixed that?
QA: *proceeds to explain totally different issue from totally different module* ... andd April fool.1 -
You know what I had to deal with
A bunch of these shit
try{
//Shitty cluster fuck excuse for java
//code
}catch(Exception e){
}1 -
Woo hoo, how I just love having to develop an extension to a system that the company bought 😍
Especially when there is an API that is completely undocumented, not even mentioned on their site 😍
Even more when it's a feature you expected to be there when you bought the system, because it's a reasonable thing to expect 😍
Fucking Ubiquity Unifi Video 😭 -
Tell a tech influencer you haven’t heard of them ever and then see them scrambling to show you how popular they are!4
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Well, I'm now making apps for Android in my class. This is going to be fun. (Sarcasm, please don't make me do this)3
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RSA is the best. It's so secure it even keeps me out of my laptop most work days!
</Sarcasm>
Fml how am I supposed to get any work done like this....1 -
In my project to process CSV file it needs to be transformed into XML file. Basically 100 MB CSV is turned into 3GB XML. They can be deleted afterward but it is not implemented and no one cares. Our storage gains around 1-2 TB data each month. Right now we have ~200 TB of XML in our s3
I think I can add Big Data to my CV *sarcasm*5 -
Mine and @jacoKotze's final exams for the year (maybe for a while too) are finally starting today. Up first: programming! The most ~complicated~ subject according to our classmates. (Did you notice the sarcasm?)
C# events and delegates, file streams, and LINQ are the "new" content next to the tests where we did exception handling and inheritance.4 -
JSrant
Is there no other uglier way to create a constructor in JavaScript apart from using parameters for the properties?
Some of my entity has like a dozen properties (+_+)12 -
<sarcasm>
Totally love when people change up My code and don't tell me.
</sarcasm>
...ffs a simple slack message at least. -
I dont know which one is more frightening!
Having a bug on the first run or not having one until production...3 -
I hate those "simple DIY" instructables. Just had to build something I had to get. Found out one "simple DIY". It requires owning a power drill with a table mount. And a pipe threading machine. Yes, I surely have a drill mount for drilling thru some steel, I know how to use a CNC machine, and maybe have a little metal foundry in my flat. But hey, it's a DIY not 'go to nearest store and buy that friggin piece you need' so you should have prepared yourself for some difficulties.
It's not supposed to be easy!
I still wonder why the author not assumed everyone own a metal foundry, after all. It would be much easier for all of us.
And I ended using PCV, glue, and a spare bottle. Had to buy drill for glass, less than $3. Wasted few bottles to cut out what I wanted. Beer was quite good, thou.1 -
Google c'mon.
It's time to release backdrop-filters. Please. Pretty please.
You already support the feature (although a little glitchy) with experimental flags enabled. Can't you finish it? Is it that difficult with your so very limited personal and budget (sarcasm)? At least that could be an excuse for Firefox. -
<sarcasm> best advice?
Write microcontroller code in C++ even if the underlying OS won't understand. You can always decompile the program to C code and use the generated code.
Things he forgot to mention:
- cannot use most of C++ core functionality (basically no STL, no exceptions, all of C++11)
- have to get your code to compile twice (C++ and C afterwards)
- debugging that generated C code is a pain in the ass
- have to debug twice -
TAP ONCE WITH TWO FINGERS FOR A RIGHT CLICK!!! ONCE WITH TWO FINGERS !!! NOOO NOT THE TOUCH PAD RIGHT CLICK DON'T TOUCH THAT!!!
NO NO NO DON'T DO THAT...
DON'T SCROLL BY HOLDING THE LEFT BUTTON AND DRAGGING...
TWO FINGERS SLIDE TO SCROLL
BARBARIANS ALL OF U3 -
New LTS version? Why not upgrading? For sure you'll update your server in an hour, what could happen?1
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Sure, you *could* set up identical VMs on your server and just have one config file for your java application. But why not just set up lots of users on the server, keep various configs in source control, and have a manual task to change the config you're pointing to when you build?
Idiots.2 -
Why aren't there more programming languages out there that aren't derived from English?
We're in the age of universal UTF-8 support, if it was meant to be then it should be happening now.
+ sarcasm
I mean, we should be more inclusive and allow other flavours of JavaScript that aren't based on English across browser, right? Otherwise that would mean that English is the master language of the web.
- sarcasm5 -
People say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
I disagree. There's one more below that and it's called "the person hired to control a brand's social media page"4 -
Mom: What are you doing right now?
Me: Researching on cocaine. //Assignment was about cocaine in Coca-Cola
Mom: Is cocaine a CS course or something?// So naive
Me: Yes it's a mind boggling course, some people fail to survive the course. It's practiced world wide.
Mom: ooh good good. Carry on
And my sarcasm went unnoticed until later when I told her what cocaine is.😂 -
Is there an AI that generates malware already?
No sarcasm, I really wonder it there is already a model that finds exploits and makes rootkits or something.
It could make red teams obsolete.4 -
just read about that DRAGONBRIDGE takedown.
Apparently it was some system set up to disseminate pro-China anti-USA propaganda in multiple channels.
Now, I totally can believe something like this would exist - too easy a jab to a fantastically big payout if it actually works. However, isn't it easy to call *anything* contrary to *anything* a propaganda plot?
That is why I believe in NOTHING that is on the internet. NOTHING. The internet says I have "credit card" "outstanding debt" to "pay" "ASAP".
Yeah, right. Half of those aren't even real words (I mean, "card"?! come on). You won't get me, opposing view propaganda machine!1 -
WARN: Heavy Sarcasm ahead
I just *LOVE* taking calls non-fucking-stop on my fucking birthday, ALL DAY LONG(!!!!!) because our most *DEAREST* fucking client can't get theirs up unless they escalate shit to the highest levels, namely the fucking CEO who loves to sell the company's self esteem just so that he can gag on the clients penis. Best part? It happened RIGHT.WHEN.MY.VACATION.STARTED.
*I LOVE MY JOB SOOOO MUCH*3 -
It's always fun to come up with your own system for interpreting negative numbers from binary because the system you're using was never designed.
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During a fight with a co-worker usually it is not about what happens in that moment. I kinda keep my cool.Then later I become passive aggressive. Start replying with single word responses. Intentionally get that dumb fuck into trouble during meetings. Sarcasm overflows.
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TL;DR Dear colleagues, I use headphones not to improve my hearing! -.-
I often encounter situations when some of my colleagues start talking with me while I am listening to music. It helps my concentrate and distract from the environment. But it annoys when they ask for help and till I notice them standing near by, take off headphones they finish their question. Tried to explain, tried to use sarcasm. No result, any ideas? How you deal with these situations? Any funny ones?2 -
I was filling a questionnaire through SAP Ariba ..
The loading time, the way you can upload files. The tree structure of the questionnaire, and their date picker. Everything is perfect no struggle with it at all.
PS: I spent about 2 hours filling it and I am not done yet! -
!rant
I feel like we need an agreed upon expression or marker to signify sarcasm. (Since the internet is still severely lacking in the ability to textually communicate tone of voice.)
I know that several people have used the "/s" from reddit, but I assume that people have mixed feelings about adopting stuff from reddit for various reasons.
Should we keep going with the "/s" or do we want to come up with something else? (Maybe something computer-nerdier even?)
Should we bully dfox and trogus into adding a sarcasm-checkbox-feature to posts and comments?
Go ahead and share suggestions and ideas. :)1 -
TechBA: (adter solving a really simple sql change) *yeah right, we really need devs* (implies sarcasm).
A real issue occurs that needs deep dive code analysis.
TechBA: thats not really our responsibility. thats entirely to the developer.
wow.1 -
What if I build a platform for programmers and they are able to give ++ on posts (like button is from Facebook era, grow up!), comment and tag each other?
It would be a plus if there was a bot of a guy that keeps creating accounts for him, like, everyday. And this guy may be called jase.
Oh well, it would be a great platform! I could call it dev++2 -
Apparently you cannot filter based on two parameters in firebase so something similar to "select * from table where email='something' and password ='something' " doesn't work .
So a shitty hack is to create a string to concatenate email and password and store it as a field and validate based on that field.
So basically there is a field in database which is
Sha256("emailid"+_+sha256("password"))2 -
I was just asked to create one PBI for an entire project that will last months. Why bother. <insert sarcasm here> let’s just go back to using excel and waterfall.
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The Devrant Algorithm not only reads everything and then sort by sarcasm but sees everything and then sort by sarcasm.
Even puts Google's cloud vision to shame.
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The worst part about writing JS is not having a reliable development environment. I have literally had three different outputs for THE SAME FUCKING CODE! <sarcasm> It's almost like they are not even complete or something </sarcasm> FML3
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Does anyone have a good tutorial on how to get Oracle database working on a Linux distro preferably fedora? Any help is appreciated3
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