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Search - "sarcasm"
Some sort by Date, some by length, others by upvotes. But devrant's algorithm is so great it sorts by sarcasm.4
Great phrase from my PM (sarcasm):
"Don't waste time with maintainable code, we have a lot of bugs to solve"4
Client wants a beautiful webpage ASAP.
I just discovered the perfect CSS that will magically fix all of their problems:
display : none ! important;
The best part is that its mobile friendly by default.
Simplicity is key 😉12
Account guy saw me coding...
account guy: so you type a lot.. how can you remember so much??
account guy: I mean there is NO LOGIC in what you do, so you must read these things and type them here... you need to remember a lot.. right??
me: ohh... that... well.. I have very good memory :)
p.s. last line was sarcasm14
The website i made has been hacked today.
Stored in their server.
They didnt give me an access for it.
The user account in the cms i used for updating content while building the website was revoked when the website is completed.
Now they ask me for the latest backup.
I have no backup because how the hell i do a backup when i got no access to the cpanel.
The only backup is the zip file for initial uploading into their server and the contents were added after the website is on their server.
That goddamn IT guy who wont give me any access for “securty sake” is calling me furiously asking for the backup and how to set up the stuffs from the beginning.
I thought he was the one who know his shit but i was wrong.
But i still responding to him telling him step by step how to do shit with some swearing and sarcasm.
ALWAYS BACKUP YOUR SHITS, MATE7
Guys google have made a revolutionary discovery, it's going to change smartphones for the better!!!!
(Yes must clarify this is immense amounts of sarcasm because fucking hell google you would think you have all this money that you could work this fucking shit out...)20
My dad used to be a software engineer so he and my mom understand. They just "want better" for their daughter, and for me to "use my gifts" whatever those are.
Unless they mean my sarcasm and foul mouth. But I can use those as a dev.9
Guys I've been working on this site for months now. Can you help me and test it? (Write me your feedback on comments pls)
So I hear Christmas is coming, right? Here's a christmas tree for you!
P.S. this is the real thing. It's a Java project we have to work with... For Christ's sake! The guy who wrote this has recently left the company and handed this code to us as his legacy.
What's wrong with this developer. I know at some point Eclipse was king, so you better stop playing with peoples emotions, lol 😅.7
Linux is sooo offensive. I think we should replace the 'sudo' command with pretty_please or something like that. What if the PC doesn't feel like executing the command? At this point, sudo-ing can be considered rape.10
Why not list other things? "We don't store your IP-address"-popup? Or "We use HTML"-popup?19
It's so fuckin hard to work with people who don't get sarcasm or humour.
The UI guy gives me design (which is a regular design, not something unique)
Me: “wow fresh and unique design (obviously sarcasm).”
Designer: “thanks, I worked on this whole day. Glad you like it.”
Now I feel like a terrible person.6
!rant && sarcasm
For a long time now I've been trying to convince people to use secure communication. I'm used to getting called "paranoid", but the killer phrase always was (and still is): "Why do you want me to encrypt my communication, I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE, so I don't care who's reading it" - "It's not about hiding something, it's about private stuff staying private" - "Yeah, whatever"
"I have nothing to hide". That always killed the conversation... until I asked them to hand me their phones, unlocked, for 5 minutes.
"No" - "Why? I thought, you had nothing to hide and don't care who's reading it?" - "Uhmmm..."
More and more people around me are popping up in my Signal contact list.
Looks like they suddenly care a lot about private stuff staying private </sarcasm>12
In the span of a week, I:
* broke up with my girlfriend
* had to make a site go live for a client that wouldn't fucking cooperate and give me what I needed to get the fucking site live
* was given legacy code for a wordpress site that looked like what a fucking brainless monkey would type out by smashing its head repeatedly on the keyboard.
It can only get better from here, right?6
because why use an:
IDE / editor,
when you can make your website as a photo, slice it up and export to html. EASY PEAZY6
When a Coursera course is way better than the one offered by your university…
A university student's rant...
I study Electrical and Computer Engineering and during the first semester of the second year I selected an optional course: Web Programming. It was believed among students that the course would be really easy, and it was. All the student had to do was build a very simple website using HTML, CSS and a few line of JS. A website containing three or four pages all of which had to be validated using a markup validation service.
Yeah, sure, I passed the course just like everyone else who bothered enough to spend an hour or two working on the project. Oh, I almost forgot! We had an one-hour workshop on Dreamweaver!
So, by that point, everybody was a front-end developer, right?!
That happened over three years ago, and because of that course web-development didn’t impress me…
Thankfully, the last few months I’ve became interested in Web Development, and I’ve been reading some articles, spending time on smashing magazine, making some progress on FreeCodeCamp and taking relevant courses on Coursera!
Oh boy, the things I didn’t know that I didn’t know…
<sarcasm>Did you know there was a term called “responsive design” and that there are frameworks like bootstrap?</sarcasm>
Well, I d i d n ’ t k n o w ! ! ! (even though I had taken the university’s course).
I understand that bootstrap was introduced in 2011 and I took the university course in late 2012, but by that time, bootstrap was quite popular and also there were other frameworks available before bootstrap that could have been included in the course! (even today, there is no reference in responsive design in the university’s course).
In just five weeks the coursera course managed to teach me more, in a more organized and meaningful way than my university’s course in a whole semester!
When I started the coursera course I shared it with a friend of mine. His response: “yeah, sure, but web development is pretty easy… I didn’t spend much time to complete that project three years ago!”
That course three years ago gave birth to misconceptions in students' minds that web development is easy! Yeah, sure, it can be easy to built a simple, non responsive, non interactive website! But that's not how the world works nowadays , right?!
A few months ago, in the early days of August, I attended Flock, the Fedora community conference. During a break I spent some time speaking with a Red Hat employee about student internships. He told me, and I paraphrase: “We know that students don’t have a solid background and that they haven’t learned in the university what we need them to!”
Currently I’m planning to apply for a front-end developer internship position here in Greece.
Yesterday I wrote my CV, added university courses relevant to that position and listed coursera courses under independent coursework… While writing those I made these thoughts…
What if that course 3 years ago was as good as the coursera course… all the things I’d know by now…6
What a great fucking day.
No sarcasm, just honest truth.
Nothing great happened. Nothing bad happened.
It was just a normal day with normal routine. There were ups. There were downs.
But never have I felt so fucking calm and peaceful in past two decades of my life.
Never felt so content and relaxed.
I can feel literally feel the Nirvana as I can no longer feel happy or sad anymore. I am neutral and it's fucking great.
No, happiness is not good. No, sadness is not bad. Being neutral is fucking best.
Truly one of the best days. It even ended well with a small spiritual gathering where we had fucking great live music.
And now after a good dinner and practicing Deutsch, I will be off to sleep.36
5 years ago i was working on a 2D game using C and we needed to use the sleep function (I forgot why ) .but however one of my team member did something new , for each second he did an empty for loop from 0 to 1000000 .You never know maybe that's how it's implemented (sarcasm)1
Currently in the middle of quarterly planning (its been fun so far). Needs to be signed off by business today.
- My team has ~25 man weeks available in terms of capacity.
- Looking at only priority 0 tasks, last night we calculated the ask from product stands at 64.
- Including P1's, P2's etc. its well over 100 man weeks.
- Email was sent around from business with a list of tasks, asking which can be dropped, de-scoped etc.
Product (non technical) response this morning:
- This one can't take 2 weeks, its not that complicated.
- This one needs to stay, It was originally a Q1 task.
- Can we make this one smaller? (currently only a 3 week task)
- 14 comments on other teams items.
... ah perfect, that cut down the items by less than half. We are now ready for the deadline in 4 hours to have all this signed off on. Great job everyone. Thanks for all the insightful discussions. Go team!
New proposal: Addition of "!fuckingimportant" syntax to CSS to override any preceding !important modifiers. :P3
5 day deadline with stupid requests.
So, after these series of events:
I was full on sarcasm mode yesterday and heard my name in a conversation between my boss and a front end dev ( my boss sits literally behind me ) ...
They were talking about improvements on the web app that I made in a rush to a meeting.
I was there thinking : fuck.. Don't ask... Don't ask
But I could not restrain my self and I did ask: hey, what's that about? It isn't for the meeting at day April's 9 , is it? ( in a "of course not" tone )
He said it is... With the most annoying dumb smile face he always does ( I'm convinced he might be retarded )
And I just : can't be done.
So we started chatting about it... How it is gonna be presented to our manager on Monday ( April's 2 ) for approval and how we are gonna implement it by April's 9.
Stick with me on this one:
I'm the sole dev.
The only one that know the back end tech.
The only one that deals with the servers.
I'm heeling you : 5 fucking days isn't enought!
Its gonna be 5 days if, and only if everything is approved by Monday fucking morning. Which I bet my asshole isn't gonna be.
So let's pretend we have 5 days to change the fucking logic of how shdt works we still need the data to put in there... Aaahh the data... That shit is the fucking holy-grail around here... Impossible to find.
And he said it is important for a 2nd round of investment that we do that.
These people are fucking insane...
I really don't know what to think... I'm gonna have to go full rage-mode once more to accomplish this?
I'm already burned down from the last couple weeks doing that.
I used my last energy with the last rush... For nothing.4
Attended an interview, interviewer started calling me sir (Which I took as sarcasm).
Giving so many interviews, I was use to basic oops question. This guy just offers me a job based on my resume.
Felt nice but fishy.3
I just read the rant: "I use base64 to encrypt my passwords". Found it hilarious!
But I can't believe the amount of people taking it seriously in the comments section! I see just one of these possible explanations.
A) They want to show off
B) They are unable to detect sarcasm
C) They have mastered trolling and I'm stupid
In case it's C, wouldn't this rant be considered as reverse trolling? 😎5
i always forget that sarcasm doesn't exist in many places of the world .-. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
(on a side note: said fuk it and added alias shrug='echo "¯\_(ツ)_/¯" ' to my bashrc)
Skill in writing unmaintainable code
Chapter : The art of naming variables and methods
- Buy a copy of a baby naming book and you’ll never be at a loss for variable names. Fred is a wonderful name and easy to type. If you’re looking for easy-to-type variable names, try adsf or aoeu
- By misspelling in some function and variable names and spelling it correctly in others (such as SetPintleOpening SetPintalClosing) we effectively negate the use of grep or IDE search techniques.
- Use acronyms to keep the code terse. Real men never define acronyms; they understand them genetically.
- Randomly capitalize the first letter of a syllable in the middle of a word. For example: ComputeRasterHistoGram().
- Use accented characters on variable names.
- Randomly intersperse two languages (human or computer). If your boss insists you use his language, tell him you can organise your thoughts better in your own language, or, if that does not work, allege linguistic discrimination and threaten to sue your employers for a vast sum.
and many others :D1
!rant && !!rant
☝️ What does that give you?
Today will be the last day we gonna work at this fucking hellhole of an office. Since I had so many shits to remember from this office, let me share my favorite.
1) Ground floor. Got flooded last July. Half our equipments got soaked. Oh equipments as in computers, cables, reports documents, etc etc.
2) I am gonna miss those connection down days.
3) I will also miss those black out days where we couldn't work for hours so had to play teamwork games to keep the morale of the team and you know to stay awake.
4) I will also miss that fucking mouse or rat. You are small and cute but fuck you for chewing my potato chips and peanuts. A-hole.
5) No windows so with no air-conditioning, it is a literal hell hole.
Gotta stop. I might cry.17
Would totally send all the information 10/10 - Part II
Why is money god so kind to me recently ? 🤔1
Today Windows notified me that I can update to the new Spring Creators Update. It didn't just start updating without my permission, which looking back should have been the first red flag. An hour later I started the update and left for classes for a few hours.
I came home and I was shocked. It updated successfully, everything was working fine, no apps were missing. I thought something must've went wrong, and just to make sure it updated correctly, I tried booting Linux and it booted without a problem. I'm currently on the phone with MS support to resolve these issues. The update must be broken, I can't see any other explanation. /s
But for real now. Windows isn't designed just to annoy you. Yes, it will update without your permission, but only if you've postponed it for weeks. I'm using systemd-boot as my Linux bootloader and Windows updates don't seem to affect it in any way, maybe it's something to do with GRUB. I've never seen Windows uninstall anything during update.
Yes, Windows 10 isn't perfect and has some bugs, but that's what updates are for. You know, the same updates you refuse to install. And whether you like it or not, Win10 is here to stay, especially since it has almost no competition for desktop use.9
Fucking Amazon rant again...
TLDR: Amazon specializes in “the last mile”. They are repeatedly allowing a 3rd party shipper (Purolator) destroy their main value proposition. Thoughts at the end.
Me on the phone with their support...
Me: so it says my package was attempted to be delivered today. I did not get a call or notification or anything and I have been working from home all day to wait for the package.
Support: -Sigh- yes, I can see it was Purolator we have been having trouble with them lately.
Me: ok, so are you able to see what happened?
Support: let me put you on hold.
Support: So they said they will not call for a delivery, did they use your building buzzer?
Me: Nope, just stood outside the building and then left I guess.
Support: -sigh- Well you can pick it up at their depot. Let me get you the address.
Me: The one by the airport?
Support: Yes it looks like it is about an hour away from where you are. And they are only open during work hours.
Me: So, after working from home to get this package you advice is to take 3 hours off work and go there to pick it up?
Support: Well, we can refund it? If thats what you want.
Me: No, I would like the package I ordered please.
Support: There is nothing I can do sir.
Me: So before I hang up let me see if I have it straight. When I order a package from Amazon, do I have an option of who ships it?
Support: No, I’m sorry but that is decided on our end.
Me: And I have had this problem before with this shipping agent. So, your telling me that when I ship things to me with Amazon that I have no control of wether I even get the package? Your telling me it is literally a coin toss as to wether or not I ever get my package?
Support: yes sir, I’m sorry but that is all I can do.
Me: So you realize that, for example, if I went to my local grocery store and it was a coin toss that I could take my groceries home (even after I paid for them) then I will always go to another store....
Support: yes, I know. There is nothing I can do.
Me: So from now on I have to order items, wait for them to be shipped, check the shipper and then cancel the order of it is them?
Support: -sigh- you cannot cancel an order after it has shipped...
Me: wow. Sure is great being a prime and audible member. I get fast delivery of 50% of my packages and no delivery at all of the other 50%. Sorry for the sarcasm...
Support: I’m sorry I can’t help more.
Me: So just to clarify. I can expect NOT to get the package I ordered?
Me: have a nice day.
Here are my thoughts as a student of business...
Amazon specializes in “the last mile” (in their delivery service anyway) and when they deliver the package they also deliver on that value proposition.
However, now it seems that one of their shipping providers is failing at getting packages that last mile, which is resulting and destroying the idea of their value proposition in a customers eyes. (Affecting more than me as the rep said)
Now, instead of believing that Amazon will get things to me, saving me that last mile trip to the store etc., I firmly believe that it is a toss up as to wether I will ever receive my package (based on carrier)
I know that if I was in Amazon’s position (a carrier hurting my overall value proposition with consistently unacceptable service) that I would come down on them with a force they have never seen or drop them entirely.
But of course, every company reaches a point where they have such market share and sway that they take their eye off the ball when it comes to their value proposition to customers.20
Win 10 is the best, I love how it just restarts without asking, no more hassle of me having to confirm anything, or save data first. finally an OS that has the confidence to just do whatever the fuck it wants, so awesome!3
My FAVORITE bugs are those in someone ELSE's code that MY code depends on. Like an API that won't respond correctly when I FOLLOW THE DOCUMENTATION EXACTLY. 😐1
Do people often misinterpret your sarcasm as being genuine maliciousness? This somewhat frequently happens to me.7
I was amazed by looking at the design of WordPress readme at GitHub.
It's really amazing, just as good as the WordPress websites.
Please have a look
(And the url also makes sense)
Has it ever happened to anyone that you get hired as a backend java developer without going through any sort of evaluation and for some reason you start getting only design/frontend tasks and you politely complain but the dickhead says "well you should be able to do everything, and I want it before tomorrow" but you kind of need the money so "what the hell" and a couple days later you fully remember again how much you hate spending a whole day trying to get a bloody bar sticked to the bottom of the page while some dickass hits your slack and whatssapp with the nerving "where are my screens?" and start thinking "...do I really need to eat this month..." but anyways you make your research and ask for help and stop sleeping and do as much as you can to get the sh*t done and please the dickhead because you want his money?
...Oh well, have a nice day/evening7
Me: We really need to improve our unit test coverage.
Team/Boss: <sarcasm> Haha yeah.
Production Bug: I'm doing something nasty to a client, because a dev broke something but no test coverage.
Boss: How could we have prevented this?!1
Boss was angry complaining about delay in delivery on a recent project via our official group channel on Slack, he then uploaded this photo with me and my colleagues confused not finding a meaning to it. Lol, we just ignored and apologized.4
The entire department has access to those files(as in all of IT) and I have been commended by the head of our department for my determination and uncanny ability to spot fuckery and fix it.
He says that he "thoroughly enjoys my colorful mastery of language, sarcasm and cognitive imagery when dealing with documentation regarding the code horrors done by previous developers"
By cognitive imagery he said that he meant my thought process and that he wouldn't trust a developer that does not use this language.
Fucking killing it b.
I'll let y'all(as in youse) when I am done with my Book(if anyone here steals the idea of the title as js php fuckery i am gonna sue you)1
My refresh button on my mouse is coming loose and is about to fall off, how dare this £11.99 mouse not last for upwards of three years, it's an outrage!
Project Leader is explaining to teammate how their UI will call my API and it'll run asynchronously in the background. UI guy asks: about error handling? I said the callback listener will be notified if anything goes wrong. I ask the PL, what next? just log and forget about it (that's my sarcasm)? How would anyone know this has failed?
PL says: good point and can worry about this later. Lets first focus on getting things to work.
You know later never comes. Well, except when the customer reports a problem. Its like every disaster movie you've ever seen before
So, you may know this already...But fuck CNET once again! Don't get me wrong, even if I loved the auto-playing video ads I would still be angry af. The site loads with a decent layout at first, but then in a second it changes and all I get is a pile of shit broken because of some <sarcasm>really great</sarcasm> CSS.
P.S. Yeah, I know it's probably my ad blocker killing something that is vital for the site to keep it's shape, but I don't care about that at all. I'll never give it up. (Or let it down, for that matter)11
i've made a lmgtfy remake for fun over the weekend!
it's still not finished but i'd like some feedback
here is a demo: http://ntyhaq.dah.wtf/g/...!!!
(on mobile you have to tap)14
If you ever feel frustrated due to your UI design, Please kindly visit this website (http://lifeactionrevival.org/). It will cure your pain and you will frustrate no more.
NB: For faster relief visit website on a desktop browser.11
Oxford Dicktionary: A Project Manager is simply a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
i was coming out of my mom and i looked to my right and it was that computer that always beats with her heartbeat and stuff1
Saw the following meme text on fb group.
"It took me 30 minutes to write the code. And 2 hours to fix the bugs."
But I thought it is not quite complete without this ending.
"And a single minute for client to totally dismiss everything."
I just started work school doing IT administration and development, I was excited, almost nervously anticipating to see the wondrous things I'd being learning and the kickass programs I'd be creating...
Alas I walked into my first lesson and...
Teacher: Today we're going to be learning how to make a square in Excel using VBR.
I thought, well fuck no - I didn't sign up for this shit. Then today I was on this thing called the internet, have you guys tried it? Amazing stuff, I saw a panda dressed as Chuck Norris... Anyway, I was on the internet and found out about this 73 year old man who makes full-sized artworks made in Excel.
Now I know the meaning to life, to Excel programming... It's official, I'm going to make Picasso in Excel.
*Light sarcasm, actual true story.*2
Hilarious article on writing “Ninja Code”. Great resource for y’all ninjas out there 😂
But seriously, don't.3
!dev rant, but dev company rant (if that makes sense)
I love my company's HR, she is such a wonderful and caring woman.
'Breng' (a public transit company in the Netherlands) was on strike today, so I couldn't go to work. No problem I thought, I'll just work from home. So I send a screenshot to the HR where you could see that every train was canceled.
A few moments later I get a message back saying that I should wait for the next train (although you could see on the screenshot that said train was also canceled)
Now I finally have a train to go to work... After sitting an hour in the cold... And I already see the smile on her face when I arrive at work...
Please trains keep driving so I can go home tonight...
Google is amazingly good at using tech to solve problems we did not even know we have...
I mean.. How did we even survive til this day w/o google making restaurant reservation or barbershop calls..? We are cavemen bcz we still do it all ourselves... So inefficient..
I am writing this to express my love towards you. I know not many express their love towards their own. But I won't forget you and our relationship. Here goes my love for you.
I would first like to thank you for bearing with me & supporting me all along. You have been there with me through all my good and bad times. In fact my day starts with you and ends with you. I was with you in all my moods. There were a few times when I didn't believe in you, but you did what I wanted. There were times when you let me down, but you made it up to you later. I am sorry for heavy workloads these days. I love your performance. I know you love doing it. I know you more than anyone. I guess you also know me better w.r.t my history. Thanks for helping me getting my work done, helping me with job applications, helping me find new people, helping me have fun, helping me organised and for everything.
You do know there might be time where I may have to replace you. I assure you to do my best to upgrade you instead of replacing so that I can hang on to you much longer.
I love you 😍 < >-ThinkpadE570
Wrote in ❤ with my personal machine.
Being honest in an interview:
- What animal would you be?
- No one else. Happy enough as human, thanks. [ sarcasm face ]11
I hate when you ask a person that knows looooooooot more in some things and you ask a totally proper question because it doesnt make fucking sense and you get sarcasm.
But yes they do it for a reason and that is he wants me to learn figure it out on my own.
When i began i wasnt able to port 6.0 to a phone and now 1.5 years later i ported 8.1 and working on 9.
So its surely working. Great to get thumbs up and good message from Sensai.
I most of the time dont understand sarcasm. And when i do its really clear sarcasm.6
Stop wasting your money on buying ram guys... Check out this and thank me later:
Today my phone screen broke!
Need to fix it..
But I realized that using a LeEco phone, my company's already too broke to fix it!2
I'm working on a system that makes it easier to see if someone stole your credit card information.
Spend way too much time crafting email responses, littered with subtle sarcasm and hints at their total incompetence with a gentle push in to what they should be focusing on, instead of sending ridiculous half baked fucking foolish requests.1
Me: I'll get it to you tomorrow.
Supervisor: (*Sarcasm abounding*) That's fiiiiine, thank you sooo much for all of your haard work.
Fucker, you have no idea. Learn to code before making comments like that, goddamit.1
I was doing code reviews for some of the new Devs recently joined... One guy wrote his entire life history in the check in description... Like Why he took this approach, why interfaces are necessary in coding, when did he lost his virginity (I doubt he ever did), what's his pet name? - sadly no information related to his online banking... Shame really...
tldr: maintainers can be assholes
So there's this python package+cli tool that I found interesting while browsing github and thought of contributing to it. Now this repo has around 2000 issues and multiple open PRs so seemed like a good start.
So i submit 2 PRs implementing similar features on different sites (it is a scraping repo). This douche of a maintainer marks comments various errors in the code convention not being followed without specifying what they actually were. Now I had specified that i was new to this repo so and would need his help (I guess this is one of the jobs of the reviewer). This piece of shit comments changes in the pr with one or two word sentences like "again", "wtf" and occasionally psycopathic replies. That son of a bitch can't tell what's wrong like wtf dude, instead of having a long discussion over the comments section of the fucking pr why can't you just point out what exactly is wrong and I'll happily fix that shit, but no, you have to be a douche about out it and employ sarcasm. Well FUCK YOU TOO.1
Is it just me or is it really fuckin amazing when ur teacher tells you after a year that you are a better programmer than he is 😒 even tho ur just a beginner?
I just started learning to code and i was already better at it than the person who is supposed to teach me... which is great if you ask me #sarcasm
And when we finish a simple task on if statements - which he thought was gonna take us a whole hour - in like 5 minutes, he doesnt let us work on our own programs: "Can you close that? Its not related to the lesson"
Ffs man! 😤 Am i supposed to sit here for an hour just staring into the void, doing fuck all, while i could actually improve my skills?
Then you go home and learn more in two hours than you'll ever do throughout the following 3 years in school.... 😧
If this is not a complete waste of time then i have no fucking clue what is.
GCSE Computer Science sucks (at least in my school). Is there anyone out there with similar issues or is it just our lucky bunch?
My advice to young/beginner programmers:
If you really want to learn, please just google what ur interested in and use stackoverflow6
You can tell a lot about a person solely by their writings, including style and topic tendencies. You can also learn about a person from their sense of humor. So when you combine a strong yet creative writing style with a sarcastic sense of humor intended to mock the stereotype of the person's own generation and themselves _and_ allow emoji to be used...
You get the most Millennial thing I have ever written. I'm a tad surprised I even came up with this monstrosity.30
[sarcasm] Sure, change the front end completely after i spent half a day taking screenshots to compile documentation for other people to you use your tool...Its not like i have anything else better to do anyway >.< [/sarcasm]1
Management: "You are the DBA and BI head right?"
Management: "Awesome, so that means you can develop a quick software for me to use? It's really easy!"
Me: "Awesome, here are two options since its easy, you go make it yourself or..."
Management: "Is that sarcasm?"
Me: "...or you can ask the accountant to make it"
IT Director: "you deserved that bob."
Went for a job interview and they used spaces rather then tabs!!! Walked straight out of there!
(^ Sarcasm it really doesn't bother me as it's just a setting on my ide)1
You may agree or disagree, but I'm giving this my ++ for the emoji title and the sarcasm alone.
$PHP = 💩;
Since image means a thousand words, I'm going to reply anyone who doesn't understand my sarcasm with this very sarcastic image3
I think I might need to own my own business and foot the bills. That way I can learn why it's a good idea to only focus on the short term costs and ignore the long term ones
Sometimes I love our clients (*sarcasm*). They kept pestering us to do things faster, and I really pushed to get a release done a week before I go on vacation so that there would be engough time to fix all errors (I did it in half the agreed time and it was done two weeks before but I became sick so couldn't test it). Then after I post it with a specific request to test it as soon as possible I hear nothing from them for three days. Yesterday they emailed about two unrelated issues and just mentioned that they'd "try" to test it before the end of the week. Yes, please do try so if any issues come up no one will be around to solve them for almost a month but they'd still ruin my vacation.2
How do you (not) secure your Rest based web service?
1. Chain it to shady organic authentication system built by a hoard of monkeys high on Tequila.
2. have secret keys that get copy pasted into config flat files, and index them on your code search engine.
3. make the onboarding extremely platform specific that you need 500 environment variables, 50 scripts, 5 fancy device presses and a tap dance to make a GET call to the service.
4. fish through 500 rotating log files that the authentication system generates for each API call made.
5. Leave traces all over the host so if you have to start over, you should sudo rm -rf / and set fire to your computer.
To you who enjoyed the Gif/Jiff, Sequel/EsQueEll, Git/Jeet grandiose debates, comes the new phonetic conundrum: DevREnt vs. DevRUnt. Soon, in monitors near you.6
The moment when u write a sarcastic joke (comment/rant), but you do not actually post it, fearing --s from super serious people.8
My friend asked me, "What's the equivalent of 'sudo' in Windows' command prompt?". What reply do you think I should have given? (sarcasm is welcome)10
So someone complained to my bosses boss about some internal page where I collected some of our own funny git commit messages, because they were not "meaningful", and I had to take down said page.
Fuck that narrow-minded seriousness, why be so German? If we have to debug multi-threaded C++ programs, we need that bit of fun and sarcasm to stay sane. But probably that someone is a member of some of these "professional" Agile teams that waste a day a week with fucking retros, sprint planning or other mind-crippling meta stuff, then evaluating frameworks and tools, while we are doing motherfucking programing.
Some of my entity has like a dozen properties (+_+)12
Skynet 😎 **evil laugh**
Or at least, an AI that can detect and emulate emotions, including sarcasm. Without errors or false results 😐1
After 10 years of living a developers life, nowadays if someone appreciates my work, I look for sarcasm or hidden motive in it.
Why appreciate me, I'm anyways expected to do a great job.
What about using "$" after punctuation to indicate $ARCASM?
e.g. I barely see people's jokes being misunderstood in devrant!$8
Your Telerik Kendo UI has a bug? I can fix it. It shouldn't be difficult because there is just so much support and documentation.
Had to get my car looked at because it kept veering to the right, and my team decides to meet to work on our website without me. "You don't have to be there. It's fine." Next day, I learn that they finished a lot of the website and there's not much left to do. No, it's fine. I only wanted to contribute the ******* simple backend stuff and look like I contributed nothing to the website.
Mine and @jacoKotze's final exams for the year (maybe for a while too) are finally starting today. Up first: programming! The most ~complicated~ subject according to our classmates. (Did you notice the sarcasm?)
C# events and delegates, file streams, and LINQ are the "new" content next to the tests where we did exception handling and inheritance.5
It's time to release backdrop-filters. Please. Pretty please.
You already support the feature (although a little glitchy) with experimental flags enabled. Can't you finish it? Is it that difficult with your so very limited personal and budget (sarcasm)? At least that could be an excuse for Firefox.
Woo hoo, how I just love having to develop an extension to a system that the company bought 😍
Especially when there is an API that is completely undocumented, not even mentioned on their site 😍
Even more when it's a feature you expected to be there when you bought the system, because it's a reasonable thing to expect 😍
Fucking Ubiquity Unifi Video 😭
WARN: Heavy Sarcasm ahead
I just *LOVE* taking calls non-fucking-stop on my fucking birthday, ALL DAY LONG(!!!!!) because our most *DEAREST* fucking client can't get theirs up unless they escalate shit to the highest levels, namely the fucking CEO who loves to sell the company's self esteem just so that he can gag on the clients penis. Best part? It happened RIGHT.WHEN.MY.VACATION.STARTED.
*I LOVE MY JOB SOOOO MUCH*4
So I want to know, can I shill at least one of my "working" sites here? I want to do measure some organic/natural traffic on this so original site(/sarcasm)
Also Im want to know if there are people here interested to help me out with my other site if they could ... specially since my finances will perhaps force me soon to take a local (retail) job to afford "normal" living5
I'm studying atm and I survived Haskell, SKI, ... now, in the second semester we started with Python (yeay ♡) and Java (that's fine).
One of the first exercises is about installing Jython ('cause it's good, right? /sarcasm off), using the lecturer's module and write some code for it. It's about painting some shitty graphics *gasp*...
I use PyCharm (not really necessary for these crappy exercises) and programming on Windows and/or Linux.
Downloaded Jython, installed it, set it as interpreter - works fine (win10, pycharm).
Some students got weird errors using linux - for me it's the same but meh Idc.
Today I tried using Jython on my notebook, too (win10, pycharm). Downloaded it from the Jython Project website. Can't update pip, can't run modules - error is about fckin charsets...
Some other student figured out - wrong version of Jython. The newer version has some bug fixes.
2.7.1 is the one and only - the download section of their website offers 2.7.0 as latest release...
So - how to know there is a version 2.7.1?
#1 version control website = Wikipedia
So... there is a blog, guy's writing about this release - this installer is hosted at maven central. Yeay. Obvious. Thanks.
Can't describe such stupidity - maybe it's the user again 😂
RSA is the best. It's so secure it even keeps me out of my laptop most work days!
Fml how am I supposed to get any work done like this....1
Fucking hell. So, I had an interview with market research company and in said interview I got told to bring my passport to my first shift training and it was ok if it was 5 years out of date. Additional info, they were supposed to call us on Thursday to book said shift and send us an email with a information pack. They never did.
Ok, day of shift comes along. After I booked it because no one fucking bothered to call any of us. Email never arrived but whatever. I go to the place and bring my 3 years out of date polish passport... Big fucking mistake. They don't seem to like polish passport seeing as how it's only the British ones that get the out of date is okay thing. So I'm sitting there still calm because sure, company policy, they have to do it. The training guy was nice and all, offered to get me to their office to speak to them about it. I accept and off we go.
At the office, I basically get the information that it's only British passports that get it and I basically can't use anything else as proof of ID, which is funny seeing as I have a polish identity card that I can leave and enter the country on within the EU. I suppose I'm going to try looking for a job that doesn't require passports for now and if I find a good one then they can go get fucked by a bull for all I care.
In conclusion, I get to wait till I'm 18 (thankfully only a month) to apply for a new passport in the local polish consulate. Brilliant. All thanks to some cunt that decided they require fucking passports with such beautiful (note the sarcasm) rules. The fucktards.
Hoping the apocalypse comes early for these cocksuckers,
I need help!
This is gonna be a long question/story.
I'm a Syrian based in Malaysia working as a lead web dev in a good company.
I have a friend in trouble and I want to help him.
Here's a summary:
My friend is a project manager at a gaming studio he happens to be an Iranian atheist with around 2 years of experience in the game making industry.
He worked on and delivered a couple AAA games at his current place of employment as a project manager in one of the teams that made those games.
He stood up for his team when the management was overworking team till after midnight sometimes and forcing them to work on weekends without any tangible compensations ( basically they gave them things like free lunches, movie tickets, etc).
The result of his standing up to his team was the management handing him a notice telling him that he'll be fired within 2 months due to "underperforming".
This was a month and a half ago.
He looked around in Malaysia for a job that can get him a working visa, but his niche background couldn't help.
After his termination in few weeks he can extend his stay at Malaysia for approximately 2 - 3 months.
Now the reason why I mentioned that he's an "Iranian atheist" is the fun part of this story (sarcasm), Iranian government considers him as an "infidel" and he's banned from Iran.
His Iranian passport can't get him anywhere where he can make a living.
So basically he has close to no options.
Now to where I come into all of this:
I want to help him.
I'm going to dedicate my free time for the next 2 - 3 months teaching him web development, the problem is, I don't know how to teach web development in such a short time, in fact I've never taught anyone programming from scratch.
If he can show promising results I know that I can make a case for him get him a position in the company I work for.
I already convinced him today to try and learn web development because I can tell that in Malaysia there's always demand on good web developers.
Now to my request:
Did anyone here teach programming to someone else before?
Did anyone here learn web development in such a short time?
If you've read all this... Thank you :)17
Yes you are. Not a single reason. Clearly no one. I am very surprised. This recruiter put in some very subtle irony and lots of effort (google "minutes in an hour")3
Well, I'm now making apps for Android in my class. This is going to be fun. (Sarcasm, please don't make me do this)3
best part of being a dev... job interviews where experience always counts more than education...
i feel being a dev has given me great sarcasm skills
beware of font choices in chat apps; a coworker joked in the room that "well, sure, of course it's okay to update in production in the middle of the day" and for some reason, the other coworker didn't see the quotes because of the weird font they use, and also didn't stop to think, and went ahead and ran the deployment script. In production. In the middle of the day. With active users.
The good news is that those folks who logged back in got to use the new version a whole lot earlier than anyone was expecting. :\2
It just took me 3 hours to change 1 bloody size in the properties window because of version control not working well. On days like this I love git!5
I was at some excursion from school to university about game development and shit. Basically they talked about what unity and unreal is. Like totally not copied from their page. WOOOOW (Huge sarcasm if you didnt get it)
And then we tested VR.
Then presentation about passwords.
He gave out USBs for some good questions.
I had a question about something and got one.
Then he asked about android and what do we do when OEM doesnt support the device anymore.
I told him about custom ROMs.
He said yeah but you never know if the person who build it didnt infect it.
Well i told him that the builds i use are 100% safe.
How do you know tho ?
I build them myself.
The face was just amazing and got another USB.
They were to install Kali on it or just linux.
I always have OTG cable with me so i pluged it into OTG and WTF is this crap ?
Fuck i cant even install Ubuntu on that and dont even think about Kali. Like LOOOOOOL
They are huge university and to give out 2Gb USB is really sad.
If it was 4Gb OK i can at least use that with Ubuntu or Kali. With this crap i cant do shit.
Maybe i will just use it as password key. Basically log in key.6
Why aren't there more programming languages out there that aren't derived from English?
We're in the age of universal UTF-8 support, if it was meant to be then it should be happening now.
My university had a Programming Fundamentals course in the first semester and we got assigned this grumpy lady who demanded respect and would always claim she was the best at programming among her colleagues, had an obnoxiously snobbish tone and had a habit of forcing unneeded nonsensical sarcasm everytime one of us stepped up to ask her a question.
She taught C++ and I'm not saying she didn't know her stuff or anything; I respected her regardless (because she was my teacher), but she would mix up C classes in and insist that that was the right way to do it and had no consistent programming style.
Once she got so fed up with our class that just to prove her point that we're all dumb and worthless (she hated us a lot, yeah) that she started explaining binary trees and recursion out of the blue and gave us assignments for them... even though they weren't going to be covered that week. It soon became a shitfest, to be honest.
But on the plus side, because I didn't wanna listen to her lectures I pulled two all-nighters and covered the semester's worth of C++ and started napping in a corner in her class. She never had personal beef with me so I was thankful for that but her being the way she was helped me learn C++ with more motivation and vigor than I normally would have and also let me earn some change because my classmates couldn't understand her classes and wanted me to explain whatever she covered.
Currently taking a statistics class. Can't wait to write some Python to solve the equations for me! 😀😀😀1
I hate those "simple DIY" instructables. Just had to build something I had to get. Found out one "simple DIY". It requires owning a power drill with a table mount. And a pipe threading machine. Yes, I surely have a drill mount for drilling thru some steel, I know how to use a CNC machine, and maybe have a little metal foundry in my flat. But hey, it's a DIY not 'go to nearest store and buy that friggin piece you need' so you should have prepared yourself for some difficulties.
It's not supposed to be easy!
I still wonder why the author not assumed everyone own a metal foundry, after all. It would be much easier for all of us.
And I ended using PCV, glue, and a spare bottle. Had to buy drill for glass, less than $3. Wasted few bottles to cut out what I wanted. Beer was quite good, thou.1
Sure, you *could* set up identical VMs on your server and just have one config file for your java application. But why not just set up lots of users on the server, keep various configs in source control, and have a manual task to change the config you're pointing to when you build?
New LTS version? Why not upgrading? For sure you'll update your server in an hour, what could happen?1
Totally love when people change up My code and don't tell me.
...ffs a simple slack message at least.
Just found out Microsoft has a "Reduce Customer Effort Center." Which failed, because the (super specific) error and it's 'fix' did nothing to help me except realize how stupid windows really is. "We couldn't create a new partition or locate an existing one. For more information, see the Setup log files." With what? Nano... Nope. Cat... Nope. Hmmmm
I dont know which one is more frightening!
Having a bug on the first run or not having one until production...3
<sarcasm> best advice?
Write microcontroller code in C++ even if the underlying OS won't understand. You can always decompile the program to C code and use the generated code.
Things he forgot to mention:
- cannot use most of C++ core functionality (basically no STL, no exceptions, all of C++11)
- have to get your code to compile twice (C++ and C afterwards)
- debugging that generated C code is a pain in the ass
- have to debug twice
During a fight with a co-worker usually it is not about what happens in that moment. I kinda keep my cool.Then later I become passive aggressive. Start replying with single word responses. Intentionally get that dumb fuck into trouble during meetings. Sarcasm overflows.
I'm not saying our office coffee machine is slow, but I am saying that I just signed a farewell card for a retiring colleague who started pulling his coffee as an intern after graduation...
Mom: What are you doing right now?
Me: Researching on cocaine. //Assignment was about cocaine in Coca-Cola
Mom: Is cocaine a CS course or something?// So naive
Me: Yes it's a mind boggling course, some people fail to survive the course. It's practiced world wide.
Mom: ooh good good. Carry on
And my sarcasm went unnoticed until later when I told her what cocaine is.😂
What are you doing today?
Oh just rererereinstalling windows. Not even a little upset. Not like I'm in the middle of a *swearword* boot camp. Not like I'm supposed to be coding a conservative 8-10 hours a day. Nbd. This is my favorite way to spend time.1
TL;DR Dear colleagues, I use headphones not to improve my hearing! -.-
I often encounter situations when some of my colleagues start talking with me while I am listening to music. It helps my concentrate and distract from the environment. But it annoys when they ask for help and till I notice them standing near by, take off headphones they finish their question. Tried to explain, tried to use sarcasm. No result, any ideas? How you deal with these situations? Any funny ones?2
I feel like we need an agreed upon expression or marker to signify sarcasm. (Since the internet is still severely lacking in the ability to textually communicate tone of voice.)
I know that several people have used the "/s" from reddit, but I assume that people have mixed feelings about adopting stuff from reddit for various reasons.
Should we keep going with the "/s" or do we want to come up with something else? (Maybe something computer-nerdier even?)
Should we bully dfox and trogus into adding a sarcasm-checkbox-feature to posts and comments?
Go ahead and share suggestions and ideas. :)1
I was filling a questionnaire through SAP Ariba ..
The loading time, the way you can upload files. The tree structure of the questionnaire, and their date picker. Everything is perfect no struggle with it at all.
PS: I spent about 2 hours filling it and I am not done yet!
It's always fun to come up with your own system for interpreting negative numbers from binary because the system you're using was never designed.
The following is a genuine error from the runtime when you give apple a "nil" date:
2012-09-19 22:40:13.972 APPNAME [4923:907] * -[__NSCFCalendar components:fromDate:]: date cannot be nil
I mean really, what do you think that operation is supposed to mean with a nil date?
An exception has been avoided for now.
The Devrant Algorithm not only reads everything and then sort by sarcasm but sees everything and then sort by sarcasm.
Even puts Google's cloud vision to shame.
TechBA: (adter solving a really simple sql change) *yeah right, we really need devs* (implies sarcasm).
A real issue occurs that needs deep dive code analysis.
TechBA: thats not really our responsibility. thats entirely to the developer.
Hey! Check this out!
My profile has a unique number. 386
You know why? Because there was an intel 386.
Thank you for your support everyone. You made me reach this goal.
I am so blessed!
Awesome folks here
For those who don't get it, it is sarcasm1
The worst part about writing JS is not having a reliable development environment. I have literally had three different outputs for THE SAME FUCKING CODE! <sarcasm> It's almost like they are not even complete or something </sarcasm> FML3