Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
Get a devDuck
Rubber duck debugging has never been so cute! Get your favorite coding language devDuckBuy Now
Search - "horseshit"
- Has a tape over his cam
- has a tape over his mic
- signs up under false names to everything
- never allows any device access
He wants the app to (unnecessarily):
- collect all personal details
- access to position
- access to contacts
- access to pretty much everything on users phone
Fucking hypocrite sack of horseshit12
1. See new shiny tech
2. Read install/setup instructions
3. Make Hello World/Todo app by copying codeblocks from documentation
4. Update LinkedIn profile
5. Insist on rewriting entire company ecosystem
Oh wait, thats my horseshit-eating coworker3
A world leader...? What a bunch of horseshit... Learn from CNN how to put the wrong guy on the pedestal...13
You can't imagine how many lines of pure and utter horseshit, seemingly written in PHP, I had to dig through this whole weekend. (relating to my 2 previous rants)
How is it even possible to write code this unbelievably ugly?
- includes within loops
- included files use variables from parent files
- start- and endtags separated to different files
- SQL queries generated by string concatenation, no safety measures at all (injection)
- repeating DB calls within loops
- multiple directories with the same code (~40 files), only different by ~8 lines, copied
- a mixture of <?php echo ... ?> and <?= ... ?>
- a LOT of array accesses and other stuff prefixed with "@" (suppress error messages)
- passwords in cleartext
- random non-RESTful page changes with a mixture of POST and GET
- GET parameters not URL-encoded
My boss told me it took this guy weeks and weeks of coding to write this tool (he's an "experienced dev", of course WITHOUT Git).
It took me only 20 hours and about 700 lines of code.
I must confess, since this task, I don't hate PHP anymore, I just simply hate this dev to death.
Addendum: It's Monday, 5:30am. Good night. 😉13
I applied for a backend job. Somehow i ended up doing frontend. Ok whatever the pay is alright and i dont mind doing js. But then i see the backend team doing absolute horseshit, stacking up overhead and not even fucking documenting the endpoints, i get mad.
And now our sysadmin left so there is no fucking server and i cant run locally because of 9trillion config files (remember the overhead part?) and the pm is nagging me to get the site done WHEN THERE IS NO FUCKING SERVER. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, SET IT ALL UP AGAIN? THATS NOT MY FUCKING JOB YOU IMBECILE FUCKFACE.8
So they discovered a small tiny bug in a thing anyone last touched about 3 months ago. It has been there for at least 6 months, and JUST NOW someone noticed it. But OF COURSE that bug is important enough to have me drop FUCKING EVERYTHING that I'm doing, despite us being very short on time already!
Fucking hell, if nobody noticed that shitty little crap bug the past 6 months how can it possibly be so important. Good thing I don't have a large wooden mallet nearby.
So thanks so much for having me fix this RIGHT NOW, or rather IN THREE FUCKING HOURS or however it'll take to set up this project's dev environment... absolute horseshit.2
Fuck all the companies that doesn't specify that they won't provide sponsorship for the applicant before job application.
I applied to this fucking piece of shit company that took me an hour. Created a custom cover letter and modified my CV just for them.
And they reply me with an email saying that they won't provide sponsorship and have rejected my application.
You motherfucker can refuse me in 5 minutes, but you piece of horseshit can't be bothered to write a simple point in your job description.
Fucking die in hell. Fuck you.1
Honestly I gave Apple a chance and bought an iPhone but oh my fucking god i’m going to throw this overpriced piece of horseshit they call a phone so hard at steve job’s grave that CNN is gonna report it as a meteor strike7
Paranoid thought: You know, in the course of every day, being the corrupt piece of shit that I am, whenever I see a scandal or what looks like shenanigans-in-the-making, I ask myself
"Wisecrack, is this a fucking scam or con of some sort?"
Not the language per se, but the ecosystem.
I noticed how there are a thousand CLIs for simple shit. Another four thousand for page long libraries, for simpleton level shit (because prototypes are designed after satans own aborted love-child of object models). I noticed another eight thousand guys imitating steve jobs, talking at conferences and 'change the world' high-on-huffing-my-own-shit TEDX talks like rubyists that don't realize the world has moved on, all to hawk books and inflate CVs for cushy positions at major tech firms and the herd of dicksuckers following the next fad off a cliff like lemmings. And another eight thousand 'tech journalists' pushing them off the cliff while begging for outrage and hype dollars and slowly circling like vultures above the drain that is the ad-based economy.
And I thought to myself.
"Wisecrack, who benefits from all this noisy self-indulgent horseshit? Where is all the money coming from for all these books, conferences, meetings, publications, media, bread, and circuses?"
"I don't know wisecrack. But if I were the CEO of a big company, threatened by the prospect of a universal language, or universal platform, like flash, but one I couldn't kill like flash, I would try to do the most corrupt thing I could think of."
"Whats that wisecrack?"
"I would try to 'overheat' the ecosystem by selectively hiring people from that ecosystem, pumping money into a boatload of similar products, all in the hopes of provoking the equivalent of an immune overreaction, imitators all flooding the ecosystem with the same shit in different packages, self promoting sycophants, aggrenadizing social media idiots, tools sold as tools, hyped as 'the next coming of steve jobs', overcooked shit that focuses on ceremony over functionality, ritual over productivity, documentation over innovation like some sort of amazonion infinite nesting doll hellscape of documents linking to documents linking to documents, each one a new circle of dantes inferno, where the definition of anything links to another document that says "see also xyz", and I would convince them that they had done it to themselves."
And then I would push typescript as their lord, savior, and master. "
"How do you know all this wisecrack?"
"Because I am a piece of shit, and, this is what I would do in any executive's shoes."12
Skipped my lectures at university just to get my new Dell laptop at home.
Here is my experience of dell account portal:
There is a 50-50 chance that your order will appear in the list of orders. It has it's own mind, sometimes it will appear, sometimes it will say it has found no orders.
Now if somehow you do see the order in the list, there is a 50-50 chance that clicking on the order number will actually show you the correct order. Most of the time it will take you to a completely different order, where you can see the name, address and other personal details of a person that you don't know. THANKS DELL!
Now if somehow clicking on the order number takes you to the right order details page, there is a 50-50 chance that there will be no courier information, it will be blank without any information. Sometimes it will show the tracking number, but no courier details.
Right, now let's say that I don't give a fuck about any of these. I stayed home, skipping my lecture, just so that I can get my laptop. They promised me that they will deliver it today and I trust them 🙂
BUT YOU MOTHERFUCKER, not only that they will not deliver it today, they haven't even bothered to give me a call and say that they won't be delivering it today. YOU PIECE OF HORSESHIT, I skipped my fucking lectures for you. Now I have to skip my lectures for another day, just to get my GODDAMN laptop.
FUCK YOU DELL, DIE IN HELL!9
Now with the newborn I really feel compleet :/
Bullshit in the morning from QA.. Horseshit in the afternoon from PM and all kinds of crap from the boss..
And finally some babypoo in the middle of the night4
I started drinking coffee when I started as a junior dev.
I loved its boost, but after a while being on coffee was exactly how I felt before as normal. I incrementally upped the dosage, while my resistance creeped up too. I reached a moment when I drank a liter daily, so I witched to yerba maté instead, which resulted in more potent brews. Then I got used to its strength too plus it tasted like horseshit. I switched to caffeine tablets, takingg more and more. Soon after I reached a level which was described medically as the top one should be allowed to take.
I no longer felt any boost. In between caffeinated moments of normalty, I felt like a brain-dead zombie. When I was caffeinated, I was jittery, my shoulder and eyebrow was glitching, my stomach was flexing like before taking a huge exam.
After some miserable time like that, I quit caffeine entirely. I was fatigued, dull and my mind was hazy for te next 1-2 weeks.
I then finally, became gradually normal again.
I drink tea and coffee only socially, perhaps a few times in a month, and never after too much later than noon.
Now I can't wear my "Programmer. Converts coffee into code" shirt anymore. Apart from that, I'm much better off :)
What's your coffee story?14
Follow up to yesterday’s “hybrid/cross-platform is shit” rant about Electron apps being blocked from the Apple App Store.
See the below image of the github issues template on the Electron repo, to file an issue for this problem.
Yes, this is such a common issue with their product, they’ve made it easier to file a github issue. Let’s not address the fact that there is a fundamental flaw in the approach they are using, let’s just make it easier to open a ticket while everyone waits to see if we are allowed to ship our app.
I’ve also heard talk that under some circumstances it’s possible for them to patch out the libraries causing issues. Apple provides tools to identify these libraries ... therefore Electron is doing fuck all to adresss this issue, and adopting a “wait until someone complains” style of approach.
Sometimes I really fucking hate this company
The code is an absolute shitshow filled with static classes, untestable and duplicate code, on top of that my boss doesn’t like open source
Yeah so i’m not allowed to use a mapping library or something because “Uhhh like uhh we don’t have a contract with the company so who knows what’ll happen when the maintainers leave the project”
I understand his reasoning but it’s an absolutely retarded reasoning especially considering most of the .NET platform is open source nowadays
Oh and he doesn’t like TDD and our only product is SAAS so imagine the amount of bugs being pushed simply because we don’t have time to write tests or even manually test, let alone refactor our horseshit codebase
AND i have to pay for gas myself which takes 200€ out of my bank account a month just for driving to work whilst I’m only getting a mediocre pay
Have a job interview tomorrow and another one on tuesday4
How the fuck is Wordpress taking up 28% of the Internet?
Okay so, I installed it in a DO droplet. ALL I was expecting was an easy yet customizable platform with some themes that work. THATS IT! But I couldn't even get that.
Most themes are fucking horrible and if you're a Wordpress theme dev you should be embarrassed of your work. Every fucking theme there is freemium, yet advertised as free on every single fucking site on the Internet so you can't even find actually free ones. Free themes don't fucking exist unless you get them from some outdated GitHub repo in which the theme will look like horseshit anyway.
I get the work that goes into these themes, but you mean to tell me out of the 7 billion people on this planet, not 1 FUCKING HUMAN made a "free" wordpress theme that's actually usable? If you get a freemium theme, you can't do jack shit with it. It either has a ton of weird buttons and settings that are vague and annoying trying to figure out, or it has no customization at all.
What a load of bullfuck. Idk if Drupal has the same issues (because I haven't tried it yet) but if it does then someone PLEASE actually put this thing called "effort" into your CMS, ruthlessly advertise the fuck out of it and hopefully crush wordpress like the bug it is.13
You know what's worse than fixing websites in IE?
Fixing websites in safari for winblows.
I fucking hate my boss so much
He looks down on me like I’m some idiot who doesn’t know his shit.
The other day he was trying to explain OAuth2.0 to me in the most dumbed down way ever, even after telling him I do already know how OAuth 2.0 works. He just said “oh well just making sure” and continued explaining it to me the exact same way. Felt shitty having something explained to you which you already know in such a way in front of all of your coworkers
Whenever I give my thoughts on something he answers with an argument that’s essentially true but pretty stupid:
B: “We don’t need to bundle our JS files” (see my other rant)
M: “Our load time is around 15 seconds though and it takes forever to update our script tags”
B: “Yes but it’s only 15 seconds once and the tags are already there so it’s fine”
How do you reply to something like that??
On top of that, his code is absolutely awful, always looks hacked together, lacks documentation and i don’t think he has written a unit test in his life
I honestly don’t know how my coworker has been a software engineer for 10+ years, doesn’t know and or understand a single Linux command, only works from windows... also doesn’t understand the concept of proper version control ... thinks zip folders is completely sufficient... AND doesn’t understand why someone would need to refactor something... says it works... I’m like you have a 2000 line function... yes it works, but it’s not testable nor reusable... he says he’s tested it (at his desk) ... and so what if it’s not reuseable... he’ll copy and paste and rewrite something for another project. “That’s what we are paid todo” .... HORSESHIT!!!
I don’t understand how the system hasn’t weeded people out like this.... and he blindly doesn’t want to take criticism, or learn.. saying his Years of experience proves he knows what he’s doing... bullshit
I’m just happy management is on my side.20
I am so fucking done with all these incompetent fucktards!!! Why would you keep a client-brief in secret from your colleagues?! Why on your screwed delusional Earth you think it is perfectly okay if you don’t communicate the changes ahead your team? How could you - microbrained prehistoric dinosaur who petrified to your own semen - think that I can estimate with my time and do my work when you are barely able to think ahead 2 minutes without letting me know the actual scope and deadlines???!!! AND NO telling me the day before NOT GONNA MAKE IT VALID!!!! You failed in life you failed in evolution you played my trust and I don’t give horseshit about your career! Go fuck a hedgehog, eat it and shit out on the same fucking day. Tomorrow a new era starts and prepare yourself as I am hereby vow that I am not going to care any of your bullshit! I vow that every time you come to me with a new task, I will start it WHEN I can and do it between 9 and 17 and if anyone asks I will calmly tell the hard truth about the overbred, human shaped, evolutional dead end you are...5
My worst devExperience since there are dev evperiences for me, was when I had to rewrite a pretty important tool to the new onlineshop we created.
My best devExperience in 2017 was going live with one of our biggest web projects I had to develop all alone and hearing only great feedback. My boss told me there were more than 30'000 visitors one day after going live.
It was and still is quite satisfying. 😎1
Fuck android studio updates, fuck OpenGL libraries, fuck nvidia graphics on Linux, fuck it all to hell.
These bullshit updates keep breaking stuff in apps, and then the emulator itself gets broken somehow, then I need to run a bullshit shell script I found on some esoteric Arch Linux forum to symlink OpenGL .so libraries on my Linux machine every time I update because fucking OpenGL and nvidia crappy drivers on Linux, which also broke my xrandr configs and segfaulted the xfce4-display app.
Seriously that's horseshit. Linux will never ever ever break through the glass ceiling and become idiot-proof non-tech user friendly like the botnets Winblows and macPrison.8
The blocking feature is working nicely for me :D i love not reading the absolute horseshit posted by attention seeking fucktards that have nothing better to do than to be loud and whiny for extarnal shit.
I was about to announce that I would do that shit for free(again) :D8
Project Cortana: Day 56
*What I disliked*
Here is the rant where I described the project: https://devrant.io/rants/962190
Where do I start:
1. Skype: Horseshit. Fucking disgrace to chatting apps. Their mobile app feels like someone accidentally shat on android studio and uploaded in play store. Fucking garbage.
But, the desktop app on the other hand is great. Works well but uses a lot of CPU.
2. Edge: The mobile version is great, can't say the same for desktop version. It's definitely a bit slower than Chrome or Quantum. Lack of extensions never bothered me as the most important ones like uBlock, Ghostery and Lastpass is available.
3. Bing: Fuck that useless piece of shit.
4. OneNote: If you could wrap dogshit in a beautiful looking wrapping paper, you would get something similar to OneNote. The desktop app is almost non-fucntional but it is indeed very nice looking.
5. Promotional Apps: Fuck off Micro$oft. As mentioned by others, you get some shitty fucking games pre installed when you install Windows 10. Not only that, in the first couple of hours, it tried to install some further games while it's downloading updates. That is just horrible.
Everthing else was fine so far. The updates never bothered me. I got the "Restart" notification twice and I was able to change the time. It never forced anything on me.10
Not a rant because life is fucking amazing... but..
I deleted my Facebook account. I can't fucking believe it. I have a bagazillion people following me and my booze fuled horseshit rants, photos of hamburgers and cats.
I fucking did it.
Okay it's FUCKing rant time... FUCK you prestashop!
FUCK your utterly bizarre "coding standard"
Also a big FUCK your config files, since when did config files start to include application logic, multiple includes/requires and modification of super-globals. When did I miss that memo?
This file is full of so much FUCKing horseshit, my FUCKing testicles hurt.
FUCK your "module overrides", yes let's duplicate 20-30MB senseless horror code into another folder, just so we can modify one line, without having future updates breaking our stuff.
And your attempt to migrate to a symphony stucture is FUCKing pathetic, do it properly, or don't do it at all.. FUCKtards..
I know wordpress can be bad, but this...
Prestashop takes FUCKing lousy, headache/cancer- giving, piece of crapware to the next FUCKing level.
I wouldn't even wish this FUCKing upon my worst enemy.2
So normally I go with a super-conservative error handler that logs errors, and exit the process on even the tinyest/smallest error.
Regardless or project/cms/framework I always to this to prevent myself from installing spaghetti plugins or writing unstable code.
Also because I don't want any code to just soldier on if a variable wasn't defined properly, or likewise.
But today I had to write this little fucker into my error handler, to support the error surpressing operator '@'
Appearently prestashop was developed by a group of senseless moronic fuckwits,
and hteir piece of horseshit software doesn't even work if it isn't allowed to surpress errors.
What was the fucking imbeciles thinking when requiring such lunatic behaviour...
These ignorant comments about arch are starting to get on my nerves.
You ranted or asked help about something exclusive to windows and someone pointed out they don't have that problem in arch and now you're annoyed?
Well maybe it's for good.
Next comes a very rough analogy, but imagine if someone posts "hey guys, I did a kg of coke and feeling bad, how do I detox?"
It takes one honest asshole to be like "well what if you didn't do coke?".
Replace the coke with windows.
Windows is a (mostly) closed source operating system owned by a for profit company with a very shady legal and ethical history.
What on earth could possibly go wrong?
Oh you get bsod's?
The system takes hours to update whenever the hell it wants, forces reboot and you can't stop it?
oh you got hacked because it has thousands of vulnerabilities?
wannacry on outdated windows versions paralyzed the uk health system?
oh no one can truly scrutinize it because it's closed source?
yet you wonder why people are assholes when you mention it? This thing is fucking cancer, it's hundreds of steps backwards in terms of human progress.
and one of the causes for its widespread usage are the savage marketing tactics they practiced early on. just google that shit up.
but no, linux users are assholes out to get you.
and how do people react to these honest comments? "let's make a meme out of it. let's deligitimize linux, linux users and devs are a bunch of neckbeards, end of story, watch this video of rms eating skin off his foot on a live conference"
short minded idiots.
I'm not gonna deny the challenges or limitations linux represents for the end user.
It does take time to learn how to use it properly.
Nvidia sometimes works like shit.
Tweaking is almost universally required.
A huge amount of games, or Adobe/Office/X products are not compatible.
The docs can be very obscure sometimes (I for one hate a couple of manpages)
But you get a system that:
* Boots way faster
* Is way more stable
* Is way way way more secure.
* Is accountable, as in, no chance to being forced to get exploited by some evil marketing shit.
In other words, you're fucking free.
You can even create your own version of the system, with total control of it, even profit with it.
I'm not sure the average end user cares about this, but this is a developer forum, so I think in all honesty every developer owes open source OS' (linux, freebsd, etc) major respect for being free and not being corporate horseshit.
Doctors have a hippocratic oath? Well maybe devs should have some form of oath too, some sworn commitment that they will try to improve society.
I do have some sympathy for the people that are forced to use windows, even though they know ideally isn't the ideal moral choice.
As in, their job forces it, or they don't have time or energy to learn an alternative.
At the very least, if you don't know what you're talking about, just stfu and read.
But I don't have one bit of sympathy for the rest.
I didn't even talk about arch itself.
Holy fucking shit, these people that think arch is too complicated.
What in the actual fuck.
I know what the problem is, the arch install instructions aren't copy paste commands.
Or they medium tutorial they found is outdated.
So yeah, the majority of the dev community is either too dumb or has very strong ADD to CAREFULLY and PATIENTLY read through the instructions.
I'll be honest, I wouldn't expect a freshman to follow the arch install guide and not get confused several times.
But this is an intermediate level (not megaexpert like some retards out there imply).
Yet arch is just too much. That's like saying "omg building a small airplane is sooooo complicated". Yeah well it's a fucking aerial vehicle. It's going to be a bit tough. But it's nowhere near as difficult as building a 747.
So because some devs are too dumb and talk shit, they just set the bar too low.
Or "if you try to learn how to build a plane you'll grow an aviator neckbeard". I'll grow a fucking beard if I want too.
I'm so thankful for arch because it has a great compromise between control and ease of install and use.
When I have a fresh install I only get *just* what I fucking need, no extra bullshit, no extra programs I know nothing about or need running on boot time, and that's how I boot way faster that ubuntu (which is way faster than windows already).
Configuring nvidia optimus was a major pain in the ass? Sure was, but I got it work the way I wanted to after some time.
Upgrading is also easy as pie, so really scratching my brain here trying to understand the real difficult of using arch.22
This shit makes me fucking rage! Ok, so here it goes. I use Multiswipe (multiswipe.com) and I'm actually very happy with it. It works as advertised and doesn't crash. Then I bought a new laptop. I wiped the old one and installed multiswipe on the new one. After launching I'm greeted with the registration (I bought it) where it claims I have already registered the software on a different computer. So I reach out to the owner and ask him to help out and am told
"MultiSwipe can be installed and updated as many times as you want as long as it is in the same machine, but if you change laptops then you will need to purchase a new license, this is because MultiSwipe implements a serious of optimizations depending on your touchpad brand and model and as such it's physically linked to it."
This sounds like horseshit to me. If I download a fresh copy, wouldn't it optimize depending on the new system?
But ok. I'll purchase another one, only to be told that my e-mail address is already in use. After reaching out I am told that I HAVE TO CREATE A NEW EMAIL ADDRESS.
Jon, if you read this, I seriously love your software but what the fuck is this fuckery. Like, seriously, how god damn hard can it be to allow customers to purchase multiple licences?
I'm so angry that I'm considering pouring time into cracking it and sending him the new version with the text "nvm, got it to work."
I'm open to suggestions....6
I really need to get my shit together. Can't even begin to describe what's going on in my mind right now.
God damn I'm gonna rip anyone's ass who so much as came within 5 meters of me.
Few months back, my dad's colleague dropped his (my dad's) phone and broke the screen. She was a low pay nurse, so my dad didn't ask for compensation. Instead of repairing it, it would be a better deal to get a new phone altogether, so I got him one on Credit (I didn't have cash).
Now amidst all this horseshit 🏇 in my own office and this pussy of a boss, and my hobby of learning coding and trading stocks part time to make a little extra money so that I can help dad with home loan repayment, I forgot to pay the credit bill.
Had to pay $25 as late charges. Motherfucker.😣2
I'm so fucking non-agry right now and really feel like posting the following:
What do you fucks do when not waiting for Windows updates to finish, compiling Linux kernels or waiting for job interviews? What do you guys/ladies do for fun? What would you do if you didn't have to work in this, at times, horseshit tech industry?
I like exploring cities and villages by foot or bike with a backpack full of beer. My wife and I have explored more than 200 places across 3 continents, from London to Chernobyl to out of the way Cambodian towns and 20 hour drunken Paris hikes. We drink in parks like hobos and try to strike up conversations with everyone we meet, especially other foreigners/immigrants.
I also love Formula 1 and try to watch a race at least once a year (went to Monza last year).
If I had many bucks and a smarter/sharper brain I would get a pilot's license...but alas..
I also love playing colorful little kids games on my 3DS.
So yeah, curious what you guys do for fun? Any dreams for the future?
Answering this question is compulsory!12
We are using a shitty language and a even more shitty IDE at our company for our software.
I'm quite new to this, so I don't know all sorta stuff.
Was writing an addition to a convertion from an old system to a new one.
Needed to "Map" Strings to IDs, so I used a switch case to determine the needed IDs.
Because that fuckin horseshit has no realtime errors (just at compile time...) I didn't realize that there is no such thing as strings in switch case in this language.
So I wrote this whole fuckin shit and when I compiled I got massive list of errors.
So I had to redo that shit with If, Else If... And that motherfucker just crashed on me...
Sencha is singularly like the worst framework ever. I'm talking both Ext and Touch.
Do these guys not fucking test their code? It never works... Ever!
Fun fact about touch: if you update the class, it only updates the class in memory, doesn't actually update the FUCKING CLASS!
ALSO FUCK THEIR QUERIES.
I have literally console logged the same thing twice in a row, one after the other in the code and produced different results.
PRINTING ARRAY ELEMENTS [A, B, C] TWICE SHOULD NOT YIELD [A, B] AND [B, C] IN CONSECUTIVE LINES. BUT IT DOES.
QUERYING 4 ELEMENTS OF THE SAME CLASS, WHEN THEY ARE THE ONLY 4 ELEMENTS OF THAT CLASS, SHOULD YIELD RESPECTIVE 4 ELEMENTS, NOT 3 || 2 || 8 || 5 ELEMENTS. I QUERIED ONE ELEMENT BY ID AND GOT 7 ITEMS ONCE. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!
Sencha should go bankrupt, and then all their devs should go die in a fire for making this horseshit. Fuck them.1
The worst of Agile and Sc(r)um: All those people knowing the right way(™) to do it. Endless discussion about useless tooling: the proper use of the custom workflow in Jira, on when and how to create sub tickets. The hour-less meta-discussions on what should be discussed where and when (what's subject of the backlog refinement, retro, etc), the roles: the PO's, what he should do, cannot, the PM's. Who is allowed to pull a ticket to the sprint or not. How many reviewers need to acknowledge a pull request. To and fro. Pointless, but fought with heart and blood, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
And everywhere I hear: "In my previous company, we did Scrum like.. and it worked perfectly!"
Some of you might remember my rants on Mr. Gitmaster, with whom I thought I'd made my peace. Guess what? He's now a team member and turning into Mr. Agile - a more severe reincarnation! As our company starts flogging that dead horse of Agility, he seems to feel strong tailwind. Our team lead would constantly cut his monologues, but he's now on holiday, so we have no escape from the never ending: "In my previous company..."
If it was so great, why didn't you stay?
We are not allowed to pull a ticket to the sprint unless every team member is notified? I don't fucking care. If our software fails on customer's machines and I can fix it, I will do if there is a ticket, if it's in the sprint or not. Screw Scrum, if it is getting in the way of it. You can waste your hours discussing horseshit, I want to sit at my desk, deep in the test-compile loop and ship some fucking code.3
You know what's bullshit? CS Degrees as a requirement, even for the shittiest dev jobs.
Sorry fuckers, I don't feel like killing myself over fucking math bullcrap for 3 goddamn years just to work as an intern slave for some rich CEO who prefers to hire some guy who doesn't know shit about actual working with computers but has a degree.
And this horseshit happens only in dev jobs. Why. Are devs some fucking nuclear scientists or something? I work as sysadmin and they didn't ask me for any shit degree and I earn more than the average code monkey where I live.
Goddamn HR fuckers. May Allah take you to hell.4
2 week "conference" "meeting" in greece. Thought would also be a nice chance for a vacation. Except the cell network is absolute horseshit here, who the fuck uses 3g anymore??1
I know Windows update rants are a dime a dozen but HOW IN THE FUCK DID YOU MICROSUCKADICK BOOT LICKERS SHOVE SO MUCH HORSESHIT INTO THIS UPDATE THAT IT UNINSTALLED VIRTUALBOX? The hell?
Really, I rebooted my PC, short cuts everything, gone! Newer stuff is there plus any restore point would have had VirtualBox installed, so what the hell.
I’m stating to think that when Windows says “all your files are exactly where you left them” it’s a best guess because it just completely fucked with all your files for no reason and tried to put them back but it’s not so sure.4
You know what? You can all go plug your heads into each other's arseholes, Cocoapods people, just like the human centipede. I've had enough with you.
I have several libraries that were created back in version 0.38 or something. All of the sudden, you jump to v1.0 and call it ready for prime time. Except the pod doesn't build anymore and I can't publish to the trunk.
When running pod install on them, I get a hopeful message saying it's "re-creating CocoaPods due to major version update", but 2ms later the humongous pile of dog poo crashes, because it was expecting some file to be somewhere. Still not happy, it messes up the remote URL on git.
So I deleted everything and created a new project using v1.0 and populated it with my library, only to find out that now the project won't build because it's fucking Xcode with your shitty piece of software on top of it.
It's already too much of a pain to deal with Xcode's tantrums, but deliberately having to put up with Cocoapods' horseshit on top of that is just torture.
Hope you lose all internet connectivity for three hours today, right in the middle of something important. Because that's how much of my life you've stolen from me.
I hate html and css. It's fucking horseshit. It needs to be auto-generated with a visual editor or something.
I just want to write programming logic in js. Fuck aligning divs and pictures. Fuck UI.16
The mainland US is currently record-cold for overall, some states are as low as -70°F. 3/4 of US schools are closed. Except mine. It's -15°F here, coldest ever, and we're open. God forbid it flurries, though, then it's impossible to open the school!
My dad grew up in Alaska, so he thinks we're all pussies. Well... it's currently 37° in Anchorage, so it's warmer there than ANY mainland state!!! And we're all "pussies".
i just tried source tree to easily clone my repositories and wasn't able to login it appears they are using Internet explorer for the login part. and guess what ? ... yup it doesn't fucking work.
WHY WOULD ANYONE USE INTERNET EXPLORER FUCKING PIECE OF GARBAGE. ANYONE STILL USING THAT SHIT SHOULD BE BANNED FROM THE INTERNET FOREVER ESPECIALLY A PROGRAMMER
Be me first time using python forced into it.
Get frustrated with all the syntax errors you make and Python's cancerous horseshit syntax.
Chase a weird desync problem between C code client and Python raspberry pi controller.
Make 7000 changes to the code and run out of ideas because nothing makes sense anymore.
Decide to go ahead and write C code.
Find out you've been writing code to a different file and running an older version of the code.
I'm a retatd FML don't be like me.6
Fucking fucks that look over your fucking shoulder and tattle on you to fucking management, instead of having a pair and talking to me about it. Apparently checking a phone is a no no.. I'm on overtime this week and I have this stupid kindergarten horseshit to deal with.. FUCKING FUCKERS1
"Software" such as Yoast SEO, by Yoast is the reason people hate WordPress.
Fuck Yoast SEO, fucking bugged crapware piece of horseshit.3
I been out of the Java loop for a while and now I read about all this licensing and version horseshit... What the fuck? Are they purposely killing their own product? This is exactly what python, node, go, etc need to achieve absolute dominance.3
Swift versioning is a really shitty bit. But not as bad the unreadable mashed together bastardized horseshit that is objective-c
Fuck JSF! Like seriously! And fuck my internet technologies prof for making us code this horseshit on fucking paper in the goddamn examn! Seriously go fuck yourself and your medieval technologies with a rusty Russian submarine! FUCKING HELL!