Aboutmusic + coding + gaali
SkillsJava, golang, Apache Hadoop, Fabric, BASH!
Joined devRant on 8/19/2017
Do all the things like ++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatarSign Up
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple APILearn More
Get the requirements cleared, create stories and tasks for them, decide what you wanna do everyday for the rest of the sprint, and then procrastinate. Give a half meaningful update in every stand up so that it seems like you kind of know what you're doing.
The Pressure of last minute deliveries gets the blood pumping so hard that you don't need any other stimuli.
Seriously though, clear requirements and expectations and peaceful music
Is it weird that I don't wanna live to be hundred, but I'd rather do everything I wanna do as soon as possible?
Sorry to ask something like this here, but my friends are dealing with their own shit and don't wanna bother them.3
Manager calling me at 9PM on a Saturday.
Fucking no-brained, zero balls cunt.
I didn't pick, of course. I dont take calls on the weekend.
I text a colleague to warn him, turns out he's already recieved a call from the cunt.
Does weekend not mean anything to you managerial mother fuckers?6
"four million dollars"
TL;DR. Seriously, It's way too long.
That's all the management really cares about, apparently.
It all started when there were heated, war faced discussions with a major client this weekend (coonts, I tell ye) and it was decided that a stupid, out of context customisation POC had that was hacked together by the "customisation and delivery " (they know to do neither) team needed to be merged with the product (a hot, lumpy cluster fuck, made in a technology so old that even the great creators (namely Goo-fucking-gle) decided that it was their worst mistake ever and stopped supporting it (or even considering its existence at this point)).
Today morning, I my manager calls me and announces that I'm the lucky fuck who gets to do this shit.
Now being the defacto got admin to our team (after the last lead left, I was the only one with adequate experience), I suggested to my manager "boss, here's a light bulb. Why don't we just create a new branch for the fuckers and ask them to merge their shite with our shite and then all we'll have to do it build the mixed up shite to create an even smellier pile of shite and feed it to the customer".
"I agree with you mahaDev (when haven't you said that, coont), but the thing is <insert random manger talk here> so we're the ones who'll have to do it (again, when haven't you said that, coont)"
I said fine. Send me the details. He forwarded me a mail, which contained context not amounting to half a syllable of the word "context". I pinged the guy who developed the hack. He gave me nothing but a link to his code repo. I said give me details. He simply said "I've sent the repo details, what else do you require?"
Dafuq? Dude, gimme some spice. Dafuq you done? Dafuq libraries you used? Dafuq APIs you used? Where Dafuq did you get this old ass checkout on which you've made these changes? AND DAFUQ IS THIS TOOL SUPPOSED TO DO AND HOW DOES IT AFFECT MY PRODUCT?
Anyway, since I didn't get a lot of info, I set about trying to just merge the code blindly and fix all conflicts, assuming that no new libraries/APIs have been used and the code is compatible with our master code base.
Enter delivery head. 2nd motherfucker.
This coont neither has technical knowledge nor the common sense to ask someone who knows his shit to help out with the technical stuff.
I find out that this was the half assed moron who agreed to a 3 day timeline (and our build takes around 13 hours to complete, end to end). Because fuck testing. They validated the their tool, we've tested our product. There's no way it can fail when we make a hybrid cocktail that will make the elephants foot look like a frikkin mojito!
Anywho, he comes by every half-mother fucking-hour and asks whether the build has been triggered.
Bitch. I have no clue what is going on and your people apparently don't have the time to give a fuck. How in the world do you expect me to finish this in 5 minutes?
Anyway, after I compile for the first time after merging, I see enough compilations to last a frikkin life time. I kid you not, I scrolled for a complete minute before reaching the last one.
Again, my assumption was that there are no library or dependency changes, neither did I know the fact that the dude implemented using completely different libraries altogether in some places.
Now I know it's my fault for not checking myself, but I was already having a bad day.
I then proceeded to have a little tantrum. In the middle of the floor, because I DIDN'T HAVE A CLUE WHAT CHANGES WERE MADE AND NOBODY CARED ENOUGH TO GIVE A FUCKING FUCK ABOUT THE DAMN FUCK.
Lo and behold, everyone's at my service now. I get all things clarified, takes around an hour and a half of my time (could have been done in 20 minutes had someone given me the complete info) to find out all I need to know and proceed to remove all compilation problems.
Hurrah. In my frustration, I forgot to push some changes, and because of some weird shit in our build framework, the build failed in Jenkins. Multiple times. Even though the exact same code was working on my local setup (cliche, I know).
In any case, it was sometime during sorting out this mess did I come to know that the reason why the 2nd motherfucker accepted the 3 day deadline was because the total bill being slapped to the customer is four fucking million USD.
Greed. Wow. The fucker just sacrificed everyone's day and night (his team and the next) for 4mil. And my manager and director agreed. Four fucking million dollars. I don't get to see a penny of it, I work for peanut shells, for 15 hours, you'll get bonuses and commissions, the fucking junior Dev earns more than me, but my manager says I'm the MVP of the team, all I get is a thanks and a bad rating for this hike cycle.
4mil usd, I learnt today, is enough to make you lick the smelly, hairy balls of a Neanderthal even though the money isn't truly yours.4
I have now turned the name board in my cubicle to hide my name.
Why you ask? Not because I don't like my name, or dislike my name board (there's this little design on it which is just delightful).
It is to make it a bit more difficult for new morons who don't know who I am or where I sit. Can't do much more than that because I have a desktop.5
I am either so fed up with work or I am sleep deprived that I actually went to work with my t-shirt inside out, and only noticed it when I looked at myself in the mirror.
Pretty sure I'm fed up with work.1
So my (windows 10) laptop decided to suddenly forget about its Bluetooth capability. And about its Bluetooth hardware.
Now, I did not restart my system, I just left it idle for a while. Heck, I played rainbow six before leaving it idle (with a Bluetooth mouse, of course)
Tried checking for the settings (didn't find any settings related to Bluetooth service), didn't find it in device manager, useful the troubleshooter (bastard says the problem is I have no Bluetooth hardware installed), tried restarting the system, checked in bios menu (couldn't see hardware info printed in bios system info), tried updating/reinstalling the driver.
The hell am I supposed to do?11
Into a bunch of open source hogging meat heads because no one likes paying for things their own peers toil days and nights creating and creating more under documented over expensive licensed stuff (because agile) while throwing buzzwords to clients just make business while simultaneously choking the life out of underpaid overworked devs and engineers with the skill of running away from responsibility trying to save their own skin with the inept ability to look like a hero/King at the end of the day with a single mail sent with psychic communication or the lack thereof with people who are slogging their asses off to fix a problem created to the vulnerabilities and bugs introduced due to the impatience of the same moron who couldn't afford to give his employees/subordinates more time to figure out an elegant solution to a non existent problem created in the confusion of improperly documenting unnecessary requirements of an ignorant or unknowing client who is way too eager to process way too much load with way too less resources all the while whining about lack of features theyre not gonna use.3
You know what's better then the Twilight love story (or any love story for that matter)?
The contract between an Indian client and an Indian Vendor. It's the perfect marriage!
Both hate each other, can't stop fucking each other, one pays money to the other and the other gives head to one, the underlings are always caught between who should be followed and both of them DONT LEAVE EACH OTHER ALONE!
happy married life, buggers.4
WARN: Heavy Sarcasm ahead
I just *LOVE* taking calls non-fucking-stop on my fucking birthday, ALL DAY LONG(!!!!!) because our most *DEAREST* fucking client can't get theirs up unless they escalate shit to the highest levels, namely the fucking CEO who loves to sell the company's self esteem just so that he can gag on the clients penis. Best part? It happened RIGHT.WHEN.MY.VACATION.STARTED.
*I LOVE MY JOB SOOOO MUCH*4
Supporting a production upgrade on a Friday night without extra allowances because I screwed up the one on Tuesday night! Yay!6
"hey, can you please help me out with this, it isn't working"
"What's it say?"
"I dunno, It's giving (not throwing) some exception/error" (no clear distinction between them)
Well, shit. Did NOT expect Java to do that in case of some undesirable flow in code! Stack trace, error message, what was happening when the exception (or actual error) occurred as inferred from logs... Nope.
Yesterday, my manager said "you don't have to worry, I'll take care of it"
Today, my manager says "finish it today by any means possible, otherwise I'm gonna get screwed by my boss"
There are comments in prod code which say "need to change after POC" or something similar in multiple places.
Also, something that was designed to check something, but the call is made in such a way that it always returns true.
Best part, all the original authors left the company before I joined this team.1
I was playing Science trivia with Google assistant. Looks like she didn't want me to get all 5 answers right.
Also, 0.62 != 0.6210
I love it how managers try to act busy by going through the same mails over and over again while waiting for a new one so that they can instantly reply to it and show themselves off as "prompt" and screw us, who have to actually do some work, about not sending mails promptly and they have like this one single excel sheet opened at all times and they just make one obscure entry whenever they get an update and WOW, some of them don't even know how the fuck you spell Avro (spelt it as avero, handwritten) and oh, not to mention waste everyone's time by asking a mundane question that other managers are so eager to answer, one by one, over and over and did I mention THAT THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HALF THE PRODUCT.
I forgot my earphones at home today.
I travelled in the metro today.
I have a massive mother fucking headache today.
I feel like killing someone today.1