Oh look, you aren't doing shit. You have 2 weeks worth of testing to complete and you are checking out stories on the Yahoo front page.

Useless. Completely incompetent. Idiot. Imbecile. Moron. Stupid. How dense? Let me count the ways...

Do you know anything?! You use big words to sound important and look like you know your shit. In reality, you have no clue!

How you have managed to capture this job is baffling to me. It shows there is much work to be done to filter out toxic, incompetent people like you. Otherwise, the industry will be plagued with a terrible fear of sub-par employees.

Your lack of common decency for the office space is appalling. Your attitude and "can do no wrong" personality is disgusting. And the cherry on top? It is impossible for you to admit mistakes and take ownership for your actions. You can be inexperienced, stressed out, or even make a mistake once in a while. Yet, the moment you DO fuck up and act like nothing was your fault, that most of it was MY fault, or the TEST environment's fault, or the other team's fault, a lack of resources, a lack of time, ANYTHING but your own damn incompetence, you are dead to me.

You are, by far, the worst co-worker I have ever had.

WHY PUT A BUTTON THERE AT ALL?!

MAJOR RANT:

Bug in question: Shortened URLs (that we generate dynamically because fuck you) would have a pipe character added in them, obviously breaking the URL.

I SPENT 3.5 DAYS DEBUGGING A MASSIVE, FRANKENSTEIN-LIKE CODE BASE TO FIND THIS:

FOR THE LOVE OF GIT, CLOSE YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU CHEW!

😒😠

git commit -v

Meetings.

The worst thing about the gender gap in tech is that I can't find someone to borrow a hair tie from.

Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Programming: Doing many different things numerous times and expecting a single result.

I was missing a closing double quote in a Cassette reference.

"Don't be the smartest person in the room. If you are, you're in the wrong room."

This piece of advice really holds true and continues to push me into fulfilling and challenging positions in my career.

!rant

Today marks three years of marriage to the best rubber duck ever.

😍

git branch maintenance.

Because certain people like to push to master.

I asked for a little whipped cream...

Guess the barista was using equality operators instead of identity operators.

😒

What is git?

I didn't get to finish my free pizza...

Yeah. That was pretty sad.

!rant

I work from home. Sometimes, my husband remotes into his computer during the day. When I see it, I message him jokingly that someone is "hacking his computer". Then this happens:

Worst meeting?

A tech review where a senior developer presented my code and slightly modified ui as his own.

Only things he changed were the button colors and title of the app. When he switched to the code, my comments were still there.

It was the worst meeting because my boss said, in all seriousness, "It looks great!" 😦

FUCK YOU TICKETMASTER AND YOUR SHITTY WEBSITE.

Why can't you process my request during an EXPECTED WINDOW OF HIGH TRAFFIC?!

DO YOU EVEN LOAD BALANCE, BRO?!

I missed my chance to buy some Hans Zimmer tickets for the ONLY time I've ever seen him listed in my city. I had the tickets in my cart, but it errored out upon checking out. Then, every other attempt to search for tickets resulted in an error.

GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!!!

One day, Hans... One day I will see you. 😢

Technical start: Through an internship during college.

Currently in the React business now, so I'll probably be relearning in a few days. 😁

Invest in a good pair of noise cancelling headphones.

Ancillary: Have an "emergency" pair that you leave at your work desk for those times you forget your good headphones.

Lesson 1: Valid HTML Tags

A little late, and similar to other lovely ladies on here, but the greatest influencer for me is my husband.

He's always pushed me to learn more and be a better, cleaner coder. He taught me continuous integration, introduced me to the Atom editor, and showed me that my nerdy interests and choice of career can actually be quite attractive and not "intimidating" or "inappropriate” for a woman.

He's my go-to hackathon partner, my strictest code reviewer, and my life long teacher.

Ich liebe dich, mein Schatzelein! 😍

A life without dual monitors is not a life worth living.

@dfox, @trogus: Just came back and WHOA! Awesome avatars! I want to make my avatar like me, but there's no long wavy hair. Or heels. Or skirts/dresses. You get the idea. Can we get a couple more feminine options for the females?

*smiles intensively and flutters eyes*😇

!rant

Today's my last day at a job I hate!

I knew I wanted to be a dev when I saw the Game Developer Barbie come out...

Just kidding.

The moment I knew was when I started creating my own Myspace templates. It was so awesome to have one that I built myself. I wasn't forced to choose from those pre-made templates, none of which truly expressed my adolescent personality. :D

It doesn't have rounded corners. I won't sign off until it has rounded corners.

My Favorite Senior Dev: Hmm, I don't understand this error.

Neighboring, Competent SQL Developer Coworker: What does it say?

Senior Dev: It says, "Cannot insert the value NULL into column 'person', table 'PEOPLE'; column does not allow nulls..."

*5 minute silence*

I used Visual Basic.

This guy arrived just in time... Thanks @dfox and @trogus!