Join devRant
Do all the things like
++ or -- rants, post your own rants, comment on others' rants and build your customized dev avatar
Sign Up
Pipeless API
From the creators of devRant, Pipeless lets you power real-time personalized recommendations and activity feeds using a simple API
Learn More
-
At work today the guys showed me how I can listen in on calls so I can prepare myself for phone support.
We tested it through a call between two of the guys.
They started talking like "test test123 is this working"
I said yes and continued working behind my screen. They just didn't know I was still listening.
Both guys started saying stuff like "welcome to the sex hotline"
"hello and welcome to the *insert something sexual* hotline!"
One of the guys after a few minutes: why is your head so red?!
Wait.... Have you been listening along?? 😅
Yes 😂
*everyone bursts out in laughter*43 -
Me: "Ahh yes finally done making this big module that does X, took me 2 weeks but its done!"
Coworker: "You know there's a plugin that does X right?"
Me: "Just go..."
Coworker: "Ohh and it also does Y which makes X easier if you have to do Z"
Me: "GET OUT OF HERE I NEED TO CRY"6 -
*Cuts 7 slow lines of code down to 1 fast line of code*
*Looks around to see if coworkers can see me*
*Pumps both fists in the air*7 -
Our company got attacked last month by what i believe was a code time bomb from a ex employee. And it was brutal, website hacked, email server not responding, locked out from database servers. The IT department asked for my help and I was more than happy to do it. Long story short I got every thing back working smoothly. The IT guys ask for a favor to not include this in my monthly progress report. Fine by me. But then they went out and tokd the top management that they are teaching me about the networks and servers so thats why I was working with them last month. Fucking assholes. Not going to help them any more.4
-
I can't post a rant about wk50 because I know some coworkers use this app and I'm afraid they'll realize how stupid I really am.8
-
My asshole coworkers talking about how programmers without a degree are worth shit and cannot achieve anything in industry besides working from startup to startup.
Well, surprise, I'm sitting right next to them, in the same big company and I don't have ANY higher education at all.
Just because I prefer more hands-on experience than theory stuff doesn't make me worse developer than those bastards. I just learn more from working on something, than from sitting in classroom and taking notes.
Fortunately people at HR and boss also valued my previous experience when they hired me, but now having to work with those guys every day is killing me.13 -
me: "ah, my scraper is nearly done - just need some final tweaks"
coworker: "JuSt FrOm LoOkInG aT yOuR ScReEn A fEw TiMeS tOdAy, I cAn TeLl YoU iT wOnT wOrK"
me, infuriated by his idiot mentality but not trying to start anything: "ah, its fine, I've already scraped 3000+ entities"
coworker: "but it wont work."
me: "but... its working..."
coworker: "but it won't work."
me: "ok."
sometimes its just better to just affirm the narcessistic assholes. make sure they are right.6 -
Watching my coworkers fix bugs is like watching people untie knots by pulling hard on both ends, in the hope that the rope breaks.1
-
Slowbro: Do you have time tonight?
Me: No sorry, I can't stay late tonight, I have a thing with my wife.
S: Oh yeah, I'm not staying late either.
M: Oh, so what do you want?
S: Can you help me install linux?
M: Uh no, I can't stay late -
S: No, no you don't have to stay, you can do it from home.
M: What? No I don't have time tonight. Wait you want me to take your computer home?
S: No, no I need to use my computer tonight.
M: So... What do you want me to do?
S: You can do it on your computer.
M: You want me to install an OS on your computer, but on my computer??
S: No, no *sigh* just try it on your computer so we know it will work on my computer. It is a proof of principle.
M: Reinstall my OS?
S: As a proof of principle. So tomorrow when we do it on my computer, we need not waste any time.
M: ... No I'm not going to reinstall my OS just as a test for you.
S: Not a test, a proof of principle.
M: What are you.. I'm sorry, I don't have time for this tonight.
S: Just a proof of principle!!
M: Ok see you.13 -
PM finds my prized stress ball and draws a face on it. When asked why she said "it looked depressed".
THATS THE LOGO YOU DUMB BITCH. PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY SHIT
On the bright side... Good thing I have this stress ball to relieve my anger 😒
16 -
I've been working for this company for 2 years, tomorrow will be the first day that I meet my coworkers.
I love my job.6 -
Dear coworker: oh my god we aren't in highschool algebra; using "x" as the name of a parameter makes me want to cut you.15
-
Coworker: I wish excel had a dark theme.
Other coworker: it does just use this macro
Ctrl + A, Ctrl + A, Alt + HH + right arrow + enter.
I tried it... it selects every cell in the whole worksheet and changes the background color to black.5 -
Annual performance peer review
Person who did review me wrote in the section “skills needed to improve”:
“He is introverted...”
Bloody hell!! What a big problem :) and how in earth you can “fix” it? And why everyone expected to be extraverted??11 -
True story.
I had been working for 6 months at the same place surrounded by 6 people (3 of them in my work team) .
On January I receive a message on skype for business "Hello, happy new year :)"
I answered "thanks", 10 seconds later I see the name of who wrote the message, someone called let's say YYY, so I ask one of my coworkers, "do you know who is YYY?" and I hear a voice of the girl seated right in front of me for the last 6 months answering "It's me", "Oh!" I said.
Awkward silence....
Rant to myself for being a shitty non social person.10 -
I'm surprised by the ability of coworkers to get on my nerves. Here's an example...
Me: "Just upload those files you idiot! I got called up three times all because you couldn't upload this thing!"
Co-Worker: "Chill bro, I've got it all here safe and secure on my computer"
Me: "....."
(In mind: Should I do to him what Walter did in breaking bad.... Drown him in a vat of acid. Saves me the trouble of hiding the body)5 -
Sometimes in my company, I just want to shout "Java is shit". But I am afraid my coworkers will beat me, because they all seem to love Java. 😅17
-
Adventures in security land.
The “legendary” lead dev authored a ticket that logs raw credentials for a third-party tool we’re using, and logs partially-obscured consumer passwords. His reasoning: “for debugging. And customer service!” And then argued with me over why that’s bad! Seriously?
Then in the release channel, he and the release manager are talking like I’m pestering them with my findings. Things like “I have some Root-induced changes coming” and “Fixed those, but she’ll probably have more...” etc.
Like come on.
I’m even being nice here, but you seriously need to stop screwing this up.
They also didn’t bother merging the fixes into the release branch, so I needed to re-review the entire (large) ticket on its own branch. Doubles the effort since I can’t easily see what changed.
The lead dev also only updated a few of the specs (despite me sending him a list), so there’s a bunch of failing ones now. Makes me unsure if he actually fixed everything.
Maybe I’m just being touchy, but ugh. Freaking annoying people.
At least he owned up to being the author this time instead of saying someone else (who wasn’t in the history...) wrote it. -.-9 -
CS graduates that have never gone beyond "Hello World", fuck college and it's "system".
So the actual victims of the story are friends of mine, CS colleagues, but I can't help but share as the existence of code freeloaders enfuriates me.
At college in order to graduate you need to present a project in form of a thesis a side from your actual thesis, there is a shortage of pre-approved projects and everyone wants one.
A talented friend of mine who has many years of programming experience got in one with another friend of mine and a lady who I've never seen before. One Saturday night my friend and I were having some beers at a local bar and his phone didn't stop beeping so I jokingly said:
"Bro, tell your girl you need some space", he laughed and explained it was the chick from her project having some "issues" with node.
"So? Tell her to google it, it's Saturday night", he explained the girl has never coded before even though she's about to graduate so she had take it upon herself to pressure him to finish ASAP so she can graduate and get an already agreed position at the federal energy commission... As dev!
I've seen my bud in a lot of dumb calls with said chick trying to explain how you CAN'T COMPILE THE NODE WEBSERVER TO A .EXE!
It frustrated me how such an idiot can go through a CS major buying homeworks and getting low self-esteem geeks to code for her. Then I realized that as an aspiring InfoSec guy, lazy idiots coding is good for business.8 -
Someone went to HR complaining about never getting a lunch... We're told to work them out amongst ourselves and cover, but he's never once asked us to cover.
So now we HAVE to take lunch and we HAVE to make up that time by staying late or coming in early.
There are days when I'm on a roll and I don't WANT to stop to take lunch. It fucks with my rhythm and I end up breaking shit. We're all adults, why the fuck can't people act like it?8 -
Customer: So I have operating system corruption? What does that mean?
Me: *thinks for a moment* Okay, so you have a bag of potato chips, right? And you're looking forward to eating those potato chips. However, when you open the bag, there are only crumbs because the guy in front of you in line had accidentally stepped on the bag and crushed them all.
Customer: ...Okay...
Me: So what we can do is we can grab a can of Pringles--because Pringles are delicious--and dump those in the bag. That way you have a good, full bag of uncrushed digital potato chips.
Customer: I like that, let's do it!
Coworker: ...why are you talking about digital potato chips?8 -
I always thought that this could only happen with big orgs with precious data. One of my coworkers sent me this last night
10 -
*the Company closes a project and splits us in different teams*
Me: *tells the manager for half a year about feeling extremely bad in the new team which is mobbing me, caling the previous project "shit" (it was not, it simply didn't need to be alive anymore cause we found out cheap alternatives) and not letting me do anything*
Company(half a year later): *sends me into a new project* we don't get why you are underperforming lately.
Me: *full burnout after half a year of being treated as living shit* yeah. Wonder why.8 -
Over heard my coworkers talk about my open source project: "ya that's the best there is"
I am just so happy 😊😊😊4 -
Almost ever day I am the first one at office in the early morning. Other devs arrive at least one or two hours later. I don't mind. I just want to have a bit of sun left, when I go.
But why the heck...everytime I go, one of those other fucktards (which I normally really like), mumbles something like "you go this early today?"
Yes I do you dipshit!! You could arrive earlier, too!
And then, those late birds get credit for staying longest!!!
I mean, sure... If you start to work at 11pm, you have to stay long...
Meeeeh7 -
I'm real tired of my coworkers always trying to one up me and being elitist about their code. Like I get it, you think PHP is shit, C is so much better than Java. Wow, you must be so knowledgeable! /s
Just because you're bashing on bad languages and talking shit doesn't mean you write good code, and in fact your code isn't top quality, I've read it. All you're going to accomplish with an elitist mindset is close yourself off to improving, and that's probably the worst thing you can do as a developer.8 -
When you need to use PHP for EVERY project 'cause your coworkers don't know other languages... *sigh*8
-
Just set a cron on a coworkers machine to play "What does the fox say" at max volume at 8 when he's the only one here.
May need to review the security footage in the morning.2 -
One of my coworkers uses
if(null == something())
I know it's just coding style, but it fucking annoys me.18 -
Just found this piece of code from one of my coworkers:
restMethod() {
try {
// some complicated logic
} catch (WebApplicationException e) {
throw e;
}
}
Why?!
And btw: Hi fellow devRant ppl! 👋7 -
>monster energy drink
>brutal dubstep
>neon green keyboard&mouse
>sick 4k 21:9 monitor
>
>contemplating killing all my coworkers2 -
I have those conversations with my coworkers about once a day. We use Linux at work and I am the only one with any real Linux experience.
C: I have a problem! I tried and googled everything already! Come help me...
M: *slowly walks over to their PC*
M: *copy-pastes the error into Google*
M: *clicks the first result*
M: *presses two buttons*
*everything works again*
M: So you tried Google already, have you?
When I leave there (it's a PhD position and I'm almost done) they will probably crash and burn...7 -
Some of my coworkers call connecting with SSH "git bashing", because they use git bash for making ssh connections. 😋
They never understand me when I use the term "SSH". 😔4 -
When you make a tech-ish joke and you have to explain it because your coworkers aren't that tech-ish.2
-
I hate when I'm being questioned when I wander off to the kitchen to get a sandwich for 5 minutes when the smokers at the office have their sixth smoking break that usually takes about 10 minutes.
Let me enjoy my non-smoker breaks 😒9 -
I have the best reason not to leave my "office-chair"...
More comfort and colleagues bringing me coffee😎☕️
I get great support from my coworkers and friends! Thank you!!!
5 -
Remember when I said don't launch on a Friday?
Coming into work on Monday with a broken site is exactly why we don't do that...
Now I get to deal with fixing this issue while also dealing with complaints from managers who act like I didn't warn them.
Inspiration for alcoholism.5 -
A typo today has rendered me the joke of the office... 😂
Almond's PR: "Added missing unit testes to classes Foo and Bar"
----
Bob: "LGTM. Bet that took some balls."
Craig: "LGTM. Missing unit testes drive me nuts."
Ian: "LGTM. Write your testes with your code guys, a bit bollocks to have to add them afterwards."2 -
When you send your stuck coworker a stack-overflow link and he copies the code from the question instead of one of the answers8
-
/* MacOS source code
Copyright Snapple, Inc
Private and confidential */
void resumeFromSleep() {
if (rand() > RAND_MAX / 2) {
freezeSystem();
} else {
reallyResumeFromSleep();
}
}4 -
After running tests, code review, coverage test ... And your application crashes in the middle of a demo in front of your PM and your coworkers.
Coworkers : "When you try your best but you don't succeed ..." (Coldplay song)
PM : DAMN SON! WHERE'D FIND THIS ?4 -
My team is working against me, seriously time to look for a new job! Bad management, piss poor communication, and...I'm in the wrong room: https://www.devrant.io/rants/285723
1 -
Me: *Killing tickets like there's no tomorrow*
Others: Doing nothing.
Manager: Well, since you are closing tickets here are some from your coworkers.7 -
Sometimes I feel like my job is just babysitting my coworkers. I need to find a way to teach them how to think for themselves.
I'm not a senior dev but I am the one my coworkers turn to for help. I like helping (even if it's annoying some times), so I'm thinking about embracing the mentor role in my team. My plan for now is to stop giving the answers right away (which I usually do to get back to my work) and instead try to guide my coworkers into figuring out the issue themselves. This will take more of my time of course and will require I practice my patience in a possibly stressful environment (depending on how close deadlines are), but I'm hoping that it'll produce better coworkers (one can dream, at least).
Do any of you know of any good reading resources about mentoring or becoming a mentor, specifically in tech/development?7 -
I often create git issues seconds before pushing the fix, then closing them immediately.
Allows my coworkers to receive notifications that I am actually working...2 -
Thank goodness noise cancelling headphones exist. I have a coworker who loves running a white noise machine at his desk all day. 😒
But now I don't have to listen to it 🙉
Best purchase I have made all year.8 -
It took forever to get SSH access to our office network computers from outside. Me and other coworkers were often told to "just use teamviewer", but we finally managed to get our way.
But bloody incompetents! There is a machine with SSH listening on port 22, user & root login enabled via password on the personal office computer.
"I CBA to setup a private key. It's useless anyways, who's ever gonna hack this computer? Don't be paranoid, a password is enough!"
A little more than 30 minutes later, I added the following to his .bashrc:
alias cat="eject -T && \cat"
alias cp="eject -T && \cp"
alias find="eject -T && \find"
alias grep="eject -T && \grep"
alias ls="eject -T && \ls"
alias mv="eject -T && \mv"
alias nano="eject -T && \nano"
alias rm="eject -T && \rm"
alias rsync="eject -T && \rsync"
alias ssh="eject -T && \ssh"
alias su="eject -T && \su"
alias sudo="eject -T && \sudo"
alias vboxmanage="eject -T && \vboxmanage"
alias vim="eject -T && \vim"
He's still trying to figure out what is happening.6 -
Coworker: so once the algorithm is done I will append new columns in the sql database and insert the output there
Me: I don't like that, can we put the output in a separate table and link it using a foreign key. Just to avoid touching the original data, you know, to avoid potential corruption.
C: Yes sure.
< Two days later - over text >
C: I finished the algo, i decided to append it to the original data in order to avoid redundancy and save on space. I think this makes more sense.
Me: ahdhxjdjsisudhdhdbdbkekdh
No. Learn this principal:
" The original data generated by the client, should be treated like the god damn Bible! DO NOT EVER CHANGE ITS SCHEMA FOR A 3RD PARTY CALCULATION! "
Put simply: D.F.T.T.O
Don't. Fucking. Touch. The. Origin!5 -
Me and my two coworkers are the perfect start of a joke: a mathematician, a physicist and a computer scientist walk into a bar...7
-
The best thing about having COBOL in my last internship is not that it opens you a lot of new job opportunities, is the look of fear and respect of your coworkers when you say that you learned it.1
-
*based on a true story*
Co-worker: Let's release it
Me: Wait, I want to add just a little feature
Co-worker: Is it necessary?
Me: Trust me
*5 minutes later*
Co-worker: So, have you finished implementing your "little feature"?
Me: Yeah, well, it's done. Maybe.
Co-worker: What the hell have you done?
Me: MAYBE I've added 647 lines of codes to the file to implement my little feature, MAYBE it doesn't works and MAYBE the entire project is compromised
Co-worker: ah3 -
To my ex-coworkers who used to tease me about using Vim although I never bragged or even talked about it to any of them, GO FUCK YOURSELVES.5
-
"WTF? These records should have been inserted into the table!"
...Hours of checking code, trying to figure out how this is possible, can't find a way to have this scenario happen...
...Add additional debug and troubleshooting code, add more verbose logging, redeploy to all the containers, reset all the tables, many apologies to the boss for the delay....
...Co-worker comes in: "oh, hey, sorry, accidently deleted some stuff from the database last night before i left."1 -
I'm OK with C language, but I refuse to learn Shell. My co-workers who use shell don't talk to anyone and look like zombies. Hell no. I don't even know their names after working 2 months together. Fire me.
10 -
i was so excited about devRant, that i tell all my coworkers about it and now if i dont reply to emails they make fun of me "put it on devRant he will find it there"1
-
Coworker: hey can you do this?
Me: sure *couple hours later* it's done.
Coworker several hours later: that thing you did completely changed. Can you update it?
*checks the platform we use so non devs can create web pages* All of my code was erased and I have to restart and add even more functionality. Why the actual fuck would you hire web developers if you're just going to have other employees use a poorly built tool to build pages. Every fucking time something breaks in the shitty fucking app, I have to fix it. Or if it doesn't do some crazy functionality, I have to hack code in there to do it in the ugliest way. Fuck tools like this. Fuck companies who make money off of these tools/use these tools. And fuck the developers who make these shitty tools that give real web developers so much frustration.4 -
I think my productivity at work seriously went up when I discovered this site with custom noise generators. Blocks out my coworkers, and I can pretend it's raining all the time. Perfect for coding!
http://mynoise.net/NoiseMachines/...2 -
Not on call. 2 hours of sleep, get a call. Ask if primary on call got called... all my coworkers are fixing shit. Why is everything down? I'm tired and need my sleep.2
-
!Rant
> Go to co-workers working machine
> install tmux and mps-youtube
> play very subtle sounds from console
> close console but keep session running with tmux
> watch coworker go insane because he can't detect the sound source
How to make your coworker go insane in 5 easy Steps3 -
I had the opportunity today to FINALLY say "I told you so" to a coworker. It was such a cathartic experience, I'm still basking in the afterglow.4
-
Me: Can you do the javadocs comments
Coworker: I've never done that, *looks for it on google*, I can't do it, I don't know how.
Me: Did no one asked you to comment you code at school?
Coworker: Yeah, but only the ones with '//'
Me: Ok, bring me coffee1 -
When you can't rant about the stupid shit at work because your fucking idiot coworkers are on devRant and you can't afford to lose the job quite yet...2
-
When you’re way more experienced and new to a team and are met with “but this is how we’ve done it for ages, and it’s done fine for us” but the sprint performance shows they’ve not completed one in 2 years.
5 -
My coworker and I are both novice programmers: we both know a little about several languages.
So it's really cool when we learn something new from each other. I learned how to properly open a file in Python, and he learned that "\t" is the tab character.
It's a Win-Win for both of us!2 -
My boss just passed me few tasks that my coworkers fucked up. They have more experience, but they do not follow any code style standards and usually write shitty spaghetti code. I'm pissed off and angry because it's not the first time and I'm tired of fixing things that they ruin. Do you ever had any situations like that? How do I handle this? I'm speaking of two particular persons, not a whole company.2
-
FUCK. This person who I have to avoid at social gatherings because I find him insufferably annoying is applying to my workplace and oh my God I hope I never have to work with him, at least the company is 700 people so the odds are relatively low?
Uggggg he's the worst. And I'm so easy going. There's like two people I feel this way about (fortunately the other lives in a different city).9 -
Overheard some coworkers during lunch.
Coworker1: "fuck net neutrality! We'll make our own internet! With strippers and poker!"
Coworker2: "9gag?"
Coworker1: "9gag!"3 -
One of my coworkers just had a baby, so he left work today and won't be back for a month or more.
We (accidentally) took the client's website down for 3 hours, messed up our git repo and when we finally fixed both things, I had to spend the rest of the day editing fucking vector graphics (which I had never done before and completely suck at).
I never realized how much work this guy does or how important he is until now.14 -
Beating my imposter syndrome at work. Finishing my degree so my coworkers consider me a "real programmer." Having the confidence to do both.4
-
Non tech coworkers before COVID-19: you don't need home office, it's only a way to avoid job responsibilities
Non tech coworkers today: yeah home office is a great idea, why we didn't think about it before2 -
so few people have seen my 6 years java programming buddy. here's his newest python excel manipulating code and - naturally - inclusion of the allfunction - doNothing().
8 -
Do you ever wonder if your coworkers talk about you behind your back? Or wonder if they hate you? Or am I just too paranoid?5
-
Friend: Oh god! Are you sure you wanna eat that bunch of garlic?!
Me: Sure. I'm working backend.
Friend: Never mind.5 -
When you have to write methods that can only be used in a specific way only just to make sure your coworkers aren't fucking shit up.3
-
A coworkers shameless hack. Our services have a bug being investigated that cause the server eventually to fail.
The hack? Reset the connections of every user every 6 hours and restart the servers.
-_-3 -
The moment you enable the PHP warnings in your company and you want to delete all your coworkers code.
#why #you #do #this #to #me3 -
Best: Still have my job. Still think my job is awesome. Still think I have best coworkers.
Worst: Restaurants/bars closed. Boredom.1 -
The importance of headphones is to avoid listening to co-workers talking nonsense all day long, especially young people.10
-
That moment when you teaching your coworkers about vba:
Me: and you close the formula with a curly bracket
Co-worker: Wow that's easy, and you say coding is hard
Me: you're right, here try to learn Java2 -
Headphones on
Start Soundcloud/Osu! Playlist
Open IDE
Optional:
Get a german shepherd to protect me from obstacles called "coworkers"3 -
I'm here at work working on my back end security code and my co-worker is watching the Emoji Movie.
I'm strongly against censorship, but this goddamn piece of cock shit makes me almost reconsider it. Noise canceling headphones are about the only thing keeping me from going that far.
//end rant
18 -
My coworker found out that Powerpoint is Turing Complete, so now he wants to write an operating system in Powerpoint. Kill me now...1
-
TL;DR The prodigal son returns.
A long time ago my partner in crime left the company. So I was a "one man army", until management gave me 2 newbies to train. We'll call them X and Y.
X was new to the company, while Y was moved from a different area. During the time I was training them I realized which of the two had potential, or at least was paying attention.
Some more time passed and X was showing signs of being a good candidate to join the team. Y, on the other hand, well there were stories from his previous team. Not good.
Guess who was added to my team. It wouldn't be a rant if it was the capable one. Y was added to my team, while X was sent to a completely different area.
Time passed and I suffered many misfortunes. But this week, I saw him sitting next to my desk, X is back. I'll probably have to get him up to speed, but my little prodigy is back! -
Killed the backend production db of my app with a dev ops guy for 20 hours.
The emails I received were not the nicest of all time.1 -
Just recently I found myself in the position I never thought I would. I was at work and my boss said, "Hey could you pickup *Item* from *sister location*? So I went to *sister location* I knew what I was looking for but I couldn't remember what they were called. So I asked one of my coworkers," Hey, I'm supposed to pick up something here." She didn't know what I was talking about. I told her I could remember what they were called.
Her response: "If you don't know what the were called, why do you EVEN come over here?" The rudeness in her voice was unmistakable.
In retrospect I could have been rude right back but there where people nearby and I had already decided I didn't like her. She is the kind of girl that you assume spends her paycheck on outfits. (or maybe she just dresses well I can never be sure, but I digress) Eventually I found what I was supposed to do. By the time I had to go to back for the second batch of *items*, I get sent back to my boss's office. To my surprise, my boss had overheard what happened.
Apparently one of the people nearby thought SHE was being rude and REPORTED HER.
It was incredible; someone was offended FOR ME?!!!
I have no idea how you even go about doing that where I work. I went back to work and I saw her walk though the door to the boss's office. I actually felt a bit sorry for her.4 -
A note to my team, who I hope never actually reads this.
To my manager: Grow a fucking spine, you asshat! We literally ignore you, you are useless!! Other people do your job, and you can't even talk to your reporting person directly! You have us do it!
To my tech lead: You are crazy, but in a good way! I have no idea how you cram so much work into so little time, and I would march into hell for you. You are in the trenches with us, and I respect you greatly!
To dev number 1: You are hard working, but stop modifying my code and breaking it!
To the other devs: If you leave 4 hours before the tech lead anymore, I will beat you to death with a cum filled sock! My rage fucking erection is that strong!
To everyone else: fuck you!10 -
When coworkers say, "I know you have a lot on your plate buuuuut...."
Then shut the fuck up and let me work 😑 -
New job is going well overall, but...
Just overheard a conversation with two coworkers and heard them both say “jif”, unironically...6 -
I found working from home and not having to interact with coworkers, unless it is about work, makes me very productive.8
-
Only me who is actually happy when coworkers finish a nice piece of code? I feel like too many only thinks of competition :(5
-
It's hard to grow professionally as a remote jr dev, I wish I had coworkers to talk to/get mentor-ship from in person 😓4
-
Just cut 2 seconds off the load time after roughly 2 months of refactoring. The code looks beautiful though.1
-
In C# you can open as many scopes wherever you want at whatever time you please. Nested within themselves, doesn't matter.
Use this to fuck with the other developers on your team. Fence off their evil code behind a thousand curly braces!
Or maybe jazz up your indentation, give the code a nice and bouncy flow!
20 -
My coworkers just invited me to a "scum meeting" and that's the most accurate meeting invite I've ever received.1
-
It's Don't-Kill-Your-Coworkers Monday! Vent here while looking at this cute-ass picture instead of ending lives.
6 -
Not claiming any originality here... I'm just happy to finally have included it. We'll see if it passes PR review - might make my coworkers "steam" a little (pun intended) ;)
2 -
who hates when friends or coworkers/family pretend that you fix his/her pc for free or just a 'thanks'??
1 -
Coffeee..loads and loads of it.. music..ignoring certain coworkers..loads of mind emptying breaks (piss breaks)3
-
!rant
Coworker: I've been working on this computer for an entire day now and it's still having issues
Boss: Well, we can give the client an option to get another SSD and clone to it before reinstalling the OS.
Coworker: But he doens't have an SSD...
Boss: Yes he does
Coworker: *opens computer* let's see, two 1TB hard drives... but no SSD... Oh, there it is. It's hidden. But it's booting too slow to be....
*epiphany*
Coworker: Oh my god. I've been telling the computer to boot to the wrong hard drive. That explains everything!1 -
96hrs (3 days), I was working with violent autistic kids at the time. Snow storm prevented coworkers from coming in, so I stayed.2
-
The presumption of incompetence:
Has this ever happened to you?
Starting a task and chatting with a fellow dev-- my first time implementing analytics in this particular app. I mentioned to them that I've been doing analytics implementation on various apps at our company for years, but our current apps' analytics setup is the most intense and this will be a good learning experience for me to dig into.
They responded by sending me code snippets of existing analytics implementations to help me. Not hidden or lesser-known classes, very obvious ones I already had open and was working off of. With advice like "just search the codebase for 'analytics' and 'trackPage''" lol.
I like this person a lot, but this definitely caught me off guard. It felt like something her obtuse manager would do, but not her. This would probably not be a big deal to most but I'm so used to being given unsolicited/unhelpful/irrelevant advice from male devs, and having to be pleasant and thank them, this one was tough to witness.
How do you respond to unsolicited "help"? Does it bruise your ego the way it bruises mine? lol12 -
When coworkers leave the co. for a better paying job and leave this kind of code after themselves:
int foo = 1;
String.format("blabla %s", Integer.toString(foo));
fml6 -
I know we're supposed to be a little more anti-social than 'normal people'. But I still love doing something with my coworkers at the end of the day on friday (aside from work)4
-
Tomorrow, we will have a new fenale co-worker.
This is awesome, because in IT is very rare to find women. It seems that this field is dominated by man.
And that brings the problem. In our enterprise, we are all men. We worst kind of men. Saying that we are "a bunch of animals in a tiny room" would be more like a compliment.
I already feel sorry for her. :/6 -
How surprising is it when a person designs code in a very clear and impressive structure and just when you think about asking them for guidance, they reveal themselves to be complete turds?
I've been working with this person's "infra" code, at work. I've rewritten some classes to use their infra. I had a vague idea of how the classes work. I had no idea of how their code works. Expectedly, there were some issues but now only minor ones remain.
I asked them for a description of what I'm supposed to do for the few bugs I'm facing. They replied in such a condescending tone, it made me want to punch them through the screen.
Almost a month later, we're still going back and forth with emails. I've been swallowing it and responding calmly. I never got direct answers. Always deflections to irrelevant things or veiled insults. I took it because they did correct one silly error of mine that actually my code reviewer should've caught. (What's worse is that it got introduced by me just before my review and commit.)
But does that give them the right to insult me in front of the whole team including my project manager? I got a reply today from them with everyone of note in cc implying very clearly that I have not done any work. They highlighted a line from my code with some todo tag (that was not meant for them) to make their invalid point. A line that's unrelated to the bug I asked them about. This is after I proved them wrong when they insisted that I had done something wrong about a feature related to the bug.
If you don't understand what I asked for fucking ask me to ask again. But do not fucking try establish yourself on higher ground by pointing out irrelevant things in my code.
I was shocked and enraged that they'd do such a thing. I double checked everything like a mad man. Despite knowing that the fix has to come from them, I was instantly transported to the noob stage, grasping at straws. I wanted to send a really scathing reply right away but my manager asked me to wait.
My mind is now a see saw shifting between a panicked noob questioning every fucking thing I ever did in my nada life and a hungry enraged monster looking to maul that fucking shithead for burning me like that.1 -
Everyday:
Colleagues: I hate when the client wants to make last minute design changes the day we are supposed to launch when they have had MONTHS to bring them up..
Today:
Me: we are supposed to launch our site today (our own agency site that we have been working on and reviewing as a group for about a year), so please take some time to go through and make sure there are no GRAMMATICAL errors.
Colleagues: *send huge lists of minor design changes that are CRITICAL* -
Great... None of my coworkers know about this tiny bit of undocumented code, and the guy who wrote it, I replaced ... Fucks sake ... Next weeks gonna be hellish3
-
When coworkers have a var dump on a page in production.-_-
I aint saying shit because everytime I mention something they do wrong I get assigned with fixing it. -_- -
The struggle of telling your coworkers about DevRant vs. the fear of them finding your rants you wrote about them2
-
Forgot headphones, noticed coworkers conversation...
If null coalescing operator (??) returns right on null, why doesn't !! Do the opposite?
- boolean beat ya to it.1 -
Meeting at 'Derp & Co', the topic was what data model should send the back-end to frontend & app via API calls:
- Coworker: 'we should send the data structured like this for reasons'.
- Me: 'Yeah, this nested object.object.object should do the trick for the front end, but this will be a pain in the ass to convert to POJOs. Why not use something like idk better structure?'
<Mad/intrigued faces>
- CoworkerS: 'Why you need to use POJOs?'
- Me: <More Mad> 'cause I work with java in android... and we have/need/like objects?
<Captain Obvious left the room>
- CoworkerS: 'Oh yeah, well... we can do it the way you say'.
Why you need Objects... what is the next?
- Git? For what? Did not have the usb key from day one?2 -
One of my coworkers calls Firefox "Google". Oddly enough she also uses Chrome but calls it "Chrome". I get confused every time she asks me to help her with her computer.1
-
My team is full of unexperienced coworkers. Some are students (not computer science), some just finished their bachelor but again not in computer science or something related. It is absolutely ok if there are unexperienced coworkers, but that's too many and all I do is teaching the basics of programming.3
-
When coworkers built the shop to allow adding items to cart via url query parameters-_-
/shop/?itemNum=1234&Qty=4
..what?4 -
My ambition is to develop my own game and publish it, then get a better paying job and to rise above my lazy ass nihilistic order-following coworkers.7
-
That moment you're coworkers are going to continue at home after because the project is fun, and you're like.. I'm going to game tonight and feel a bit ashamed because you like to do something else than work7
-
Get a DateTime. Convert to a string. Convert back to a DateTime. Use that DateTime to build a string.
WHY.
(it's red because I refactored it; snipped copied from our version control)
3 -
Fastforwarded a bit, I have LOTR marathon to catch later.. 😋
May your bugs diminish, coworkers grow brains & clients calm the fuck down!!
Happy, better & successful 2018 everyone!!
🍦1 -
Coworker:Awe..
Fuck me...
Fuck fuck.... I fucked up...This fucking url..
..... Fuck. ... Pages
Me. What's going on buddy
Co worker: pages are down
Me: that sucks bro watchu do
Co worker: nothing too bad
Me: 😕 .. ok..
..... I'm still hearing the "fuuhhhcks" , and groans.
Guess who's delivering the news ... Does dev rants give stress beers. -
Closed MBP and left. Returned to office. Head to a very quiet Starbucks. Open MBP lip. Greeted with a woman's moan. F-ING COWORKERS!
-
Pranking your coworkers:
Display a fake update screen or BSOD (Windows 98, XP, vista, 7, 8, 10, OSX, SteamOS and Ubuntu) and watch your coworkers freak out.
http://fakeupdate.net/3 -
Appearently on of my coworkers is working while having a day off. Boss answered the chat with the request to shut the pc because he’s off today :)
-
A coworker brought a French press as well as kettles and everything to our office.
Thank heavens for coworkers like this.
The coffee tastes fucking delicious.6 -
Yea sure, I'd like to refactor your fucking 1000 loc spagetti code "module" with no documentation at all...3
-
When you have a dev domain, yet your senior developer coworkers still add "Dev" to their app names..
-
How to troll your coworkers at the office - http://fakeupdate.net
If your coworker forgot to log off their system, you can prank them with fake update screen. Also has the option of BSoD *maniacal evil laugh*6 -
The feeling when you're in the zone for some important tasks and your coworkers just come and seat besides your table, start bullshitting each other with their flights delay stories. I wish there is a dismiss button for this kind of occasions.2
-
Fuck you for asking for my advice and then just disregarding it because it doesn't dovetail with what you were hoping for. You continue to justify your shit code design as "the way it has to be". Bullshit, I just told you other ways to do it. You didn't want to hear it. Open your mind. Learn something new. Be a professional. Your code is ass and you should feel like an ass. Don't ask for my help anymore. Prick.1
-
In our department, we've to send some reports at different times in the same month, for example, three the first day, one the fifteenth, three the last day...
This was a task assigned to my coworker, but it consumed a lot of time to modify and execute the required querys and write the reports in Excek with the results, so O was assignes to create a program that created the reports automatically.
I asked my coworker for the querys, a lot of times since he "forgot it", and once my program was fully completed him, I asked him to test it and tell me if he saw any errors, if the reports were done correctly, etc... And, twenty days later, when I asked him again, told me that everything was okay, so the whole months of July and August, the reports were done automatically.
Today we've receives a ton of emails about how the reports were not correct, how the information was incomplete and such.
Guess who gave me only half the querys requested. Now I've to do every single of them manually. While my manager rants.
Note to future self: Never trust that guy again, and always re-check everything he checks. This better be a lesson for the future.4 -
Looking through a former developer's drive for their projects folder is kind of like a treasure hunt, only you don't get something good at the end of it usually.
Especially when there's a good reason they're a "former" developer.
Non-standard locations.
Behold, latest deployed code changes are uncommitted.
Alcohol, please save me.2 -
That moment when you get your first job after getting your degree and one of your co-workers with about 5 years of experience asks you what is a static class because he never used one...
I mean come on... You have 5 years of xp and never used a static before? x)
This project is going places...1 -
Time to switch to offline and hide in some dark corner to get work done. Tired of all the IM’s and coming over to my desk from 1 person for “critical” work. If they’re all critical then none of them are truly critical. If you sit on the data for 2 months, and then today is the day it becomes critical and the compliance issue is because of your ineptitude then its a you problem not an IT problem. Then on top of that you submit your data to be loaded in the incorrect request form and spreadsheet format you can go fuck yourself asking this be done in an hour. It could be done in 15 minutes if you had it in the correct format as specified in the 20 meetings over the past year which removed all manual analysis and automated the entire process you idiot. Now I have to get it into the correct format in that hour so I don’t have to do the analysis for you.
I have other things to do besides your etl tickets, like finding the actual problems in our actual critical applications. You know the ones where the VP’s of this giant corporation start calling if they go down.
Sorry for the rambling guys. -
Today someone took a shit and didn't flush...
Normally you have your typical candidates, who are pissing standing in the stalls although there are free urinals, people who don't wash their hands after pissing or just splash like 3 fingers with water. Even not washing hands after taking a dump, which is pretty disgusting... But today? Some dude in the stall next to me took a shit, wiped his butt... and went away... No flushing no washing hands... Wtf is wrong with people?7 -
Heres a rant you dont see everyday, the lazy gits in my office who dont clean up after themselves. Go to the kitchen to make coffee only to be confronted by a mountain of dishes, the peak of which may have been level with High Hrothgar. Had to dry them and put them away before I could really even move. Like just wash something after you use it, then take the extra 20 seconds to dry it and put it away, dont just rinse it and then leave it sitting there. AAARRRGGGHHHH1
-
Story time.
Previous role.
Have a BA working and overseeing the team.
Development is an absolute shit show at the company.
Basically constantly focussed on putting out fires and reeling from the 100 WTF’s a minute thanks to the batshit code the yes-men offshore Indian devs had created.
I’m quite outspoken, and don’t just roll over when people are cunts to me.
I ended up in so many meetings about communication and tone, merely because I wasn’t putting up with the BA’s two-faced cuntery where he tried to be my friend but at the same time be an utter fucking jobsworth.
Genuinely, I really got so close to decking him a few times.
Pic related.
1 -
I am so sick of a senior developer that has no idea how to be a manager. I've been a manager before and it is not that hard. I came into this job thinking that it was going to be a fresh start, but instead all the haunting projects from incompetent developers that worked before me followed me to this team as well... (we are in the same company, just different teams) My boss thinks I'm an "expert" in everything, and everyone else on the team has no idea what is going on. I have to spend all of my time babysitting every other developer, and I don't get any coding done myself, yet I'm still expected to make my deadlines.
I need a new gig so bad I'm sick. The stress level is getting pretty bad. I've already had cancer once. I don't want to go through it again... Plz hlp4 -
Having a hard time deciding whether to get a mechanical keyboard for work or not... Satisfying typing and annoyed coworkers, or shitty apple keyboard cancer...4
-
Why do I find really hard to connect with my coworkers?! I'm an introvert but after few months in my old job I connected with everyone. In my new job I find it really hard! And it's almost a year! 😥😫5
-
Request for software: a program that prevents shitty coworkers from committing with the message “fix”, random letters, or other nondescript messages.4
-
It'd be really nice if my coworkers read the documentation of a framework/tool/library before using it in production.1
-
Can we get a way to block users from seeing our posts? Two of my coworkers are on here now and it's only a matter of time before my boss appears. He's nosy like that3
-
Nothing feels better than seeing yourself doing better as a self taught web developer compare to some jsackass with a CS degree who talks about what he learnt in school couple years ago. Who cares? You can't do shit at work and I don't even know why you work here if you have no desire to learn new things. If he graduated in late 90s he would still be coding in PHP 3.0.2
-
Hey, blonde bitch.
How about you leave the UX design to someone that can get the printer to do double sided first try. Okay?4 -
I'm so fucking done with this shit. If someone forgets every git command every single fucking tim le is ok to ask. Every time someone asks advice on how to write a fucking retarded workaround (out of lazyness, because fixing their own code is too much to ask), it'a ok.
The *ONE* fucking time i ask the name of the fucking function to generate a filter via code using their fucking cms? "you should do that via gui!" "who cares if there'll be conficts with git, just manually redo everything in production!".
God fucking dammit how can you even have the balls to complain about terrible planning and stuff not working if that's your fucking mantra?!2 -
A coworker wants to save telphone numbers as Strings in a database I don't get why he doesn't want to use Ints. I think it is stupid because it uses more space and you need to change the type if you want to use it to call someone. He says it is better this way because you can put there "+" and "-" for better readability.12
-
It's been 3 busy weeks. Had so much to rant about, but I could lurk at best.
We had 2 big features coming to 2 different projects. I told my boss it's take 3 weeks for the one I was working on. The guy working on the other one, said he only needed 1 for his. Guess who got labeled as negative, worrying too much over nothing, and so forth? Especially since a "much more complex" feature would take just 1 week!
Whatever. Fast forward to this week. I was done by tuesday, including testing of both features and deployment. By wednesday, I had even a good looking documentation. Everything was ready. EXCEPT. The 2 features have to go live together, due to various reasons. Guess who ia still a ling way from completing his task? Gueas who asked to postpone his deadline by 2 weeks? Guess who's gonna have to work on weekends for no extra pay?
Guess what? I know how to give an eatimate, and I rather be "negative" and schedule 1 or 2 extra days to be prepared for hiccups and what not rather than having to waste my free time for nothing.
FFS. -
The networking group at my day job, hooooooolly crap I have some unprintable words. But keeping it professional:
* Days to turn around simple firewall whitelisting requests
* Expecting other teams to know the network layout despite not sharing that information anywhere and going out of their way to not share it
* Adding bureaucracy in the form of separate Word doc forms despite having a ticketing system - for no justifiable reason
* Breaking production systems multiple times per month
* Calling in with problems that are clearly network related, being told it’s our systems, and then the problems magically go away even though they swear they didn’t touch anything
* Outright verifiable lies or vague non-answers when they’re not talking to someone at the director level or a vendor from an outside company on conference calls
* Worse packet loss and throughput on our LAN than my home ISP
Doing anything with these clowns is my single biggest source of stress right now. I can’t wait until we get a full SDN stack set up and then we won’t have to deal with them for day-to-day needs any longer.
My boss swears it’s better that we’re not managing the network directly, but I’m pretty sure my friend’s dog could be loosed into the data center to chew on fiber, and eventually the pairs would be connected in such a way as to improve performance.1 -
The one place I get to have fun with my code is the tests. Who the fuck cares if I use the test string "Mr. Snuffleupagus"? Please stop ruinning the little fun I do have by changing my tests in the very next commit.1
-
Who are you going to hire in web dev position?
1. Algorithm master but new to web development.
2. Full fledged with cutting edge web dev technologies but don’t know much about algorithms12 -
Anytime I've needed to show my bosses and coworkers something more than once, and they still ask... Those are the dumbest tech questions.
-
Worst disturbance? This person who sits behind my back. I've gotten used to them not minding their own business and snooping into mine but to counter that they've taken to distracting me and others all the time.
Sample this incident from just a few moments ago (inspiring the rant).
Me: *debugging while listening to some ambient music channel
Them: *rushes to my desk, putting a hand behind my back
Me: *politely takes off headphones asking, What?
Them: *after peeking at my screen, nvm, I'll tell you later, I have a meeting to go to.
Fucking hell, idiot! It already takes me hours of pushing myself to come to work at this good for nothing place and then actually get to working. Just flush your head in the toilet so you don't take a dump on me with your shitty restlessness.1 -
My first job was being a sales clerk. I exel macroed my way to my coworkers hearts. Today im just a simple developer, and I love my job!
-
How do I handle working with my coworker?
He can be a bit half cocked with his pursuit of ideas. We're supposed to be working as a team on a project, and he'll often forget to cc me on emails. Or he'll go and talk to other people (make decisions) without discussing it with me.
Am I ovary acting? (heh) No, but seriously, I think it's benign behavior, butI feel uncomfortable by it. The last time I brought this up to him... He nearly cried. He was very hurt. What should I do? Be more aggressive?
I was a student leader throughoyt undergrad, but I feel like if we say something is a team project that we should be trying to work together. Feels like he doesn't know what that even means.4 -
<rant>
Those nagging coworkers who first insist then plead followed by beg to approve a code review just before the deadline. Sigh ;-(
</rant> -
Hey guys... What are the ways to deal with group of NOISY coworkers?
Yes... I tried asking them to Shut up...
And, No... I can’t ask my fucking manager coz, he’s one of them...11 -
Coworkers at the office kitchen always act so surprised when they find out that I like coffee even though I rarely drink some. Well, I just don't need caffeine to function properly. Simple as that.1
-
Note to self: don't buy stickers to give to your coworkers, you'll end up wasting your money and time.3
-
FML!!!!!! I FUCKING HATE THE COMBINATION OF XAMARIN FORMS AND MY COWORKERS.
Explanation:
I had to refactor all of our views because my coworkers did anything in the code-behind file from the views but the code should be in the viewmodels.
I had an "Unhandlex Exception" without any stacktrace or error message for a hour. What was the error? In the xaml file of the view was still an OnClicked-handler of a button but i removed the method from the view-code-behind-file.
FML1 -
How do you cope with coworkers who are okay with lousy code and don't want to make it better because "how does it matter"?6
-
One of my coworkers uses two monitors (as well as all the other devs), but one of them is always displaying the desktop, with a big gospel wallpaper.2
-
Do you ever feel like you can't stop putting your foot in your mouth after joining a new team? 😬 The struggle these last couple weeks has sucked!2
-
I was once in a team meeting and I was demoing the updates to our banking app (screen casted my laptop to the tv). I entered in the credentials to my AD account and out of habit I quickly clicked on a checkbox that revealed my password instead of 'remembering it'. The rest of the day I was teased by grown men and women for making my password my fiance's name.. 🤣4
-
Conversation with a backend co-worker.
Me(Frontend): Here! The POS printer (for development purpose) has arrived! It supports Linux and Windows as mentioned on the box. I've sent you a decent npm package (escpos). Try to print a barcode with it, I'll sync with you tomorrow.
(Next day at noon)
Me: Whatcha doin?
Backend guy: Trying to set up the printer.
Me: ON YOU MAC?
Backend guy: Yes.
I try be as helpful as I can to anyone but it seems like this guy actively looks for a way to invent problems!3 -
---- Startup RantLife ----
In this episode, we introduce Brian, this guy is skilled and tries to provide an answer or explanation for everything (even if it's not work related).
By now you may guess this is the one that I know everything and you should listen to me type.
The problem with Brian that he wants only his solution to things and to be written exactly as he sees it and arguing with him is a waste of time.
How do you guys deal with developers like Brian?3 -
Every morning both coworkers that sit by my side are listening to music in full volume on their earphones. The noise I hear is driving me nuts6
-
Having to hold hands.. dudes been here nearly a year, and I still have to walk him through things. Keep in mind this guy apparently has prior experience. It goes like this:
Him: this process is failing and I don't know why.
Me: did you check the logs?
H: no.
M: ok well what about the code? Have you traced through to find where the error is happening?
H: no not yet.
Couple hours later..
M: Did you get that error sorted out?
H: no.
M: never mind, I'll take care of it. -
I always give chance to my coworkers to proceed for new projects, to know how not to fail!
And then I do it efficiently.
*Promoted* -
Anyone else talk to their code linters? My coworkers have been confused as to why I keep cursing at my computer.2
-
God dammit, I hate my bloody coworker sometimes. He's doing a huge refactor, and committing... which is fine, but he's clearly NEVER run the fucking test suite. I didn't write that much coverage so you could commit something that breaks the build and then fuck off to lunch.
Not only has he not run the test suite, I don't think he's run his changes AT ALL. The bloody modules don't even import the way he's written it now.2 -
Everyone complaining about coworkers not using night mode and here I am developing in Modx... don't even have that choice 🙃1
-
Coworkers are starting rumors about me at the office. Probably gonna quit today. Don't have time for that highschool shit.3
-
We have company wide communications such as Skype and WebEx, so why the fuck do people feel the need to hold an ad hoc meeting right behind my desk? Thank God for NC headphones.2
-
Your code quality is pajeet tier.
You consistently make poor design and architectural choices.
Your project has maintained 50 plus unresolved bugs for about 6 months, and yet you're consistently under delivering against what you commit to.
Other developers refuse to work with you.
So tell me again how you feel you're an effective lead developer5 -
How to deal with coworkers playing music on loud speaker and the genre happened to be the one that you hate the most?5
-
When coworkers/management can´t keep the password management up to date. EVEN WHEN REPEATEDLY BEING TOLD SO.
-
One good thing about being at a remote offline office with virtually no supervision or coworkers is long lunches. I left ~10mins ago, and if anyone calls (and no one will), I left just few minutes before they called.1
-
I love keybase! Great application but not many of my friends and coworkers use it so have not that much usecase for it.😥
-
Facepalm of the day:
My coworkers commits third party libraries AND the source code of them. Of course, the source code is never used.1 -
Everybody is bussy!
So let's going to give this mess to the one who never worked with mongo, does not know the objects in the DDBB, add to it some weird way to build queries in java to it and hope for everithing end well!
End well = need to be done today.
Guess what? Not for today! I have no clue of how to clean this shit.1 -
Happy April Fools! Hope you all performed an obligatory `sudo rm -rf *` on at least one of your coworkers today!2
-
I'll always listen to another developer's advice, even if it's just to hear his point of view.
Everyone else should instead have their tongues surgically removed.2 -
I know this is needed for extra quality but god do I hate having to validate everything I do by so many coworkers before actually being able to do something else. It would be fine if I could get another task while waiting for that validation but nooo, I have to wait until they’re done “validating” to actually move on.
It really feels like I’m losing so much time waiting for people...1 -
When co-workers act like you have no work to do. So they try to give you more stuff.
Fuck. This. Shit.1 -
!rant
Coworker: *Watching a DefCon talk*
Me: *walks over and notices an image on the slide of a woman sticking a cotton swab in her mouth with text saying "get paternity testing"*
Me: Paternity testing? But that's a woman!
Coworker: *silent for a second* What? Oh! *gets closer to screen, chuckles*
Coworker: It actually took me a second to catch that because I wasn't looking at the video, I was looking at the side "related videos" or the ad and I was like "no... did you mean Penetration Testing?" But even then, this is DefCon, so there aren't any women--or at least less than 3. And then I saw it in the corner and was like "Oh, I see it. But yeah, Paternity.... Oh wait..."
Me: Jeez, it really did take you a while...
Coworker: Yeah. All the while I was thinking "What the heck are you on," and then there was the "Oh, I get it" moment
Me: At least you got there -
When you have a deadline to reach by EOD and your coworker spends the last hour of said day working on a side project instead of oh, I don’t know, TESTING. Sheesh.
-
When your neanderthal coworkers use chrome's 'Copy Selector' option to hook into other widgets..
$('body > div:nth-child(34) > div > ul > li:nth-child(3) > a > span:nth-child(2)').click()2 -
My coworker has a candy bowl he periodically fills up. However, he went on travel and failed to fill his bowl. So I created a candy bowl complaint/suggestion signup sheet for people to fill out while he is away. It reads:
<name>'s Candy Bowl Complaint/Suggestion Sheet
Complaint/Suggestion
<followed by a table with lines>5 -
I work with all sorts of sporty/adventurous people going hiking, climbing, running ironmans, travelling to the end of the world who won't eat the heel of the bread loaf.
-
Always love debating different switches with coworkers. What is your favorite blues, browns, reds, or some other type of switch?
Personally, I am a fan of Cherry Blues.1 -
Every dev team has this chatterbox guy, who works as a support, does sometimes whole work in a hour, watches anime for following 7 hours and wants to fix the whole world with JQuery. Still can't imagine working and hanging out without him.
-
sitting at work listening to my coworkers talk:
"I use to like the taste of speedstick when i was a teenager."
i should not be surprised considering he uses his wife's breast milk in his coffee....1 -
My current employer...
In 3000 coworkers they have many things, but a team is not one of them... Fuuck -
Team member takes names inputted and coverts them to slugs, works perfectly and functions extremely well.
Adds function to allow slug modifications but doesn't use regex or anything else to verify input is a real slug, application goes down over weekend and know one notices till this morning...
Always verify input both client and server side!!! -
What's the statute of limitations on references/recommendations for former coworkers? Got a call today from a recruiter about a guy I worked with 3 years ago.... Time to update my friend.
-
!rant
One of my coworkers told me I'd be interested in machine learning, but I'm not conviced
Is it really that great ?8 -
So after the CIO pretty much does a table flip to the division about causing near daily customer impact we now have seven business day cool period for Changes and 13 cross functional teams stood up with 1, 15, 30, 60, and 90 day deliverables to an executive audience.
Guess what my team did today?
Offline a major Production database during the middle of the day, thinking they were in Development. Didn’t notice for 40 minutes. -
Crazy client,
Worst tech stack,
Best lunch for afternoon coding,
Best food for coding,
Best client story,
Great bosses,
Great coworkers. -
why do we do this to ourselves. Create an VM that is accessible via rdp. It souds great isn't it? Until some FUCKFACE CO-WORKER STEALS YOUR FUCKING RDP EVERY GODDAMN TIME. FFFFUUUCCCKKK1
-
Coworkers and I go out and do some golfing or batting cage every now and then.
Old friends from school and I talk randomly. On Facebook.
Most of my social life is twitch5 -
i'm spending my time,
watching the tests go by,
failing them all,
I stare at the wall,
hoping that you won't notice them too,
i'm spending my time -
Customer calls, "my steaming provider just called and told us were running in unprotected mode with DRM disabled" , I reply "uh what? I'm on it!" Few minutes later I see that all lines related to DRM are commented out in latest build, git blame points to the new recruit... Calling back to the customer and make up some weird reason to why this was disabled and apologize.1
-
Where I work I'm close to the receptionist's desk so it means a phone ringing in my head all day.
I usually stay back later just so that I can work when it's quiet. You, other employee, have no soul if you caused a printer jam a full two hours after official quitting time and are now trawling IT for a support tech. -
It feels good to be a gangsta. Convinced my coworkers to use Dapper.net (used by StackOverflow) as ORM of the choice instead of old internal ORM which heavily utilizes DataSet.
-
About to accept another job, having some guilt towards leaving my coworkers during a stressful time. Anyone else felt something similar?1
-
Inspired by a @rawdreeg post, Does anybody else feel like their coworkers judge them harshly because they work from home? Do you feel the need to justify every piece of your work day?
-
Windows RDP, multiple sessions per user are turned on..
I always fall into one of existing sessions with all the crap left opened by my coworkers.. I'm fuckin sick of this shit, noone closes things after they stop using servers.. // the rant part
Is there a way to force new session on connect? // the question part
I tried googling but either I'm blind or don't know what to google.. only managed to find how to connect to specific existing session.. :/6 -
Everyone else complains about the lack of tooling, shitty online tools or technical analphabetic coworkers. While all of these happen to devs, they're much, much rarer.
-
So I had a pet goat... He was this one developer that would walk around and bother people all day. We called him a goat because of the way he would move his mouth and smack during long pauses, like a goat or cow would do with a mouth full of grass.
-
How do I change my user name so I can be sure my coworkers don't see me complaining about them. Fuckem they should know they suckit.
-
To make my coworkers read my commit messages on peer reciews, I have opted to use Confucius style messages:
"Confucius say: 'mail address not clickable, bad for business'" -
When coworkers leave their laptop unlocked we find a commonly used variable name and replace all name references with 'poop'
Top Tags
Weekly Rant
View