best friend works at a gym, and he always remind me to exercise.

him: bro when was the last time you workout?
me: every fucking day.
him: what?
me: I am a programmer bro, everyday is brain day.

Lol 😂 😂😂

I wish i could code for 8 hours straight instead of getting interrupted every 20mins. That would be the life

Two minutes of silence to all Microsoft employees who were looking to switch jobs through Linkedin. 😂😂

A recent quest to annoy the Mrs.
Changed the name of her Chromecast to "David's C*ck". Then, when she casts her videos, her phone reads: "America's Next Top Model" currently playing on David's C*ck"
- Its the small victories!

Made our wifi password "********" so that when you click "Preview password" you see the same thing. Yes, I have a college degree and yes, that's probably the most clever thing I'll ever be able to do with it.

You know you messed Git hard when your commit graph started to look like November Rain on Guitar Hero.

So I just created this Registration GUI (part of a bigger app) for my uni project and was demonstrating how good the app was to all my friends.

Suddenly someone came and said let me verify this. I said go on with a doubtful mind. Obviously I had some verification for all the fields in the GUI but I was closely watching him.

He signed up with this email: " @ . "

😞

test@test.com must have a huge amount of spam! From me alone anyway

If you put a Unix shell up to your ear, can you hear the C?

Choosing Java because it works on all platforms, is THE worst reason

Meanwhile, in real life...

For every Js developer out there 😂

Spending whole day debugging one error. Fixed it in 10 minutes on the next day. Anyone else ?

In the middle of coding: "Too into code to document properly. Will document later."

Two weeks later:"What the actual fuck is this code doing?"

wow ahahahahaha

How to hide your important files from people without making Hidden folders 

1. Go to Desktop and create a new folder
2. Name the folder Internet Explorer
3. Change the folder icon to Internet Explorer
4. Keep it in a corner of the desktop

Now, no one will open internet explorer :D

Simply true

Best. Book. Ever.

How do you tell HTML from HTML5?

- try it out in Internet Explorer
- did it work?
- no?
- it's HTML5

"When you have a problem you can't solve, just google it. If you don't find another person that has encountered the same problem/error as you, you're doing something wrong."

- Software Engineering teacher, 2016

Design team gets 3 monts to wireframe, dev team gets 3 weeks to complete the project. IT'S MAGIC #headbang

Once A Programmer Had No Child, No Money, No Home, Blind Mother, so he Prays To God.

God Says He Will Grant Him One Wish!

Programmer : “I Want My Mother To See My Wife Putting Diamond Bangles On My Child’s Hands, In Our New Home”

God: “Damn! I Still Have A Lot To Learn From These Programmers”

"We all just commit to the master branch here."

The IE version of any website should automatically direct users to a link to download a better web browser

*can't figure out why code doesn't work for hours*
ugh fuck this.
*angrily leaves for bathroom break*
*come running back*
I KNOW HOW TO FIX IT!!!!