Japanese know their demons 😂

Dark Humor

Lets try some seriously dark dark humor. Lets find what lurks in the hearts of men.

My Kid: I was adopted.
Me: We wouldn't have picked you.

Oedipus: <whilst banging his wife> You remind me of my mom.

What do you call Rock Hudson in a wheelchair?
Rollaids

What did Christa McAuliffe say to her husband before the launch?
You feed the dog, I will feed the fish.

Some I found from searching web:

What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
A baby in 2 dumpsters.

If we had mosquito nets in Africa we could save millions of mosquitos from getting AIDS.

Down syndrome in military is called special forces.

Mom told me to eat my vegetables, now where do I put the wheelchairs.

Whoever thought white men can't jump obviously never watched the 9/11 footage.

echo "circle jerk" &> /dev/null

How is MSSQL so popular? "Oh yeah, sometimes you have to use dynamic SQL because the compiler doesn't correctly detect the impact of DDL commands and rejects working code" god fucking what? Why does the compiler infer the future structure of tables after a DDL command if it can't do so reliably? In my world, if it becomes public knowledge that a compiler incorrectly infers something, the maintainer scrambles to remove the inference instead.

I also find it surreal that I have to disengage versioning on a table in order to be able to modify the version history. Like surely, there should be a mechanism to temporarily skip the hooks other than ALTERing the table into a regular unversioned database table and then ALTERing it back, rebuilding the versioning infrastructure from scratch. SQL is awful and MSSQL is doubly awful.

The German word for methods in OOP is Methoden, which is literally mead testicles.

So there is this discussion about killing children in code. Someone pops in with this:
"I do remember a post from a guy who actually got pulled into an HR talk, to ask why he'd littered the code with references to killing children and removing children from their parents. Imagine trying to explain to a person who's never programmed, that Kill(parent.child)is a perfectly standard phrasing and not a latent psychosis that should be reported to the police."

First I think who is the idiot that reported this? Then I think who is the HR idiot that didn't do a google search or talk to the software manager? So many people had to fail at basic thinking for this to get this far.

Then I think also. Two things can be true at the same time. The person writing this code could also harbor latent desires to kill children. But can hide their sickness in plain sight. CS could just be a place for psychopaths to talk about the true serial killer thoughts.

I was wondering what this would look like. Maybe the psycho programmer will allocate extra hidden children that will get created and destroyed without anyone knowing the better. Maybe they only need 10 children for the code, but they allocate 100. That is 90 children they can create and destroy that only they know about.

Is balancing a tree really about cycles to read the data? Or is this some sort of karma balancing with latent desires to add or remove children with different karma leanings? Linked lists? Obviously only a psychopath would make a singly linked list.

Then I read posts on devrant and think there is probably at least one psychopath here that looks up to Anakin. We know you are here! You can't hide forever.

A day in my life. This morning Dell was doing it's update on my laptop before I left for work, so later when I knew my wife was up I asked her via text to shut my laptop off.

W: "You left your laptop on this morning."
Me: "I know, it was still doing an update this morning. I sent you a text."
W: "Leaving your computer on all day is going to burn it up."
Me: "Its 8:30, been maybe a half hour isn't a day."
W: "Still wasting electricity. How do I turn this thing off?"
Me: "It's just like yours."
W: "No, your computer is way different than mine. Just tell me how to turn it off"
Me: "My computer is running Windows 11, yours is Windows 10, shutting down is exactly the same"
W: "I don't understand, yours looks completely different. Stop being an ass and just tell me"
Me: "Select Start, then shut down"
W: "Select what? There isn't anything that says Start"
Me: "Sorry, click the little icon in the bottom left. Looks like four little blue squares. That's the Windows Start menu button, just like yours."
W: "OK, now what?"
Me: "Shut down"
W: "Shut down what? I don't see anything"
Me: "The icon that looks like power button next to my name"
W: "There is nothing next to your name except your picture"
Me: "It'll be on the right hand side"
W: "Where the clock is?"
Me: "No, on the Start menu, where you see my picture, there should be a button to turn it off."
W: "No, it went away"
Me: "What do you mean went away?"
W: "All that disappeared when you told me to click over by the clock."
Me: "I didn't say to click on the clock, anyway, doesn't matter. Start over, select the icon in the bottom left"
W: "You're not listening. There is nothing there when I click that. You're such as ass. You cannot even tell me how to turn off this stupid computer. I'm busy, you can turn this thing off when you get home."
<a few minutes later I text my daughter>
Me: "Baby girl, can you turn off my computer?"
<10 seconds later>
H: "Done. Anything else?"
Me: "Nope. Thank you."

god is an unknowable concept, so if you take any sentence that is "noun-verb-noun" and change its logical structure to "noun-verb-!noun, noun-verb-god", it will somehow still make sense. Let's try it:
- "they tortured people" --- "they didn't torture people, they tortured god"
- "he dismissed the case" --- "he didn't dismiss the case, he dismissed god"
- "she forgot about her kid" (plot of Home Alone) --- "she didn't forget about her kid, she forgot about god"

isn't it a weird coincidence that religious rhetoric always adapts flawlessly to the agenda of those who give preachers money? no matter the agenda, it _always_ fits.

We have a bug.

I fixed it, then I said it was a super tricky bug, a race condition in the library code, and that I had to put on an issue and wait for their answer.

Boom, day off.

God I'm a genius.

I am the keeper and protector of a specific joke I made up while at rock bottom, that is so dark (vantablack levels of darkness), cruel, insensitive and inappropriate in any context to any person, that I'll probably never tell it to anyone.

It's clean. It's not about sexism, racism, religion, war, discrimination, rape and other sensitive topics often joked about. It's also not gross --- it won't make you vomit. It's not personal and doesn't doxx anybody.

I don't even know if I can tell it at any dark jokes contest without being kicked out immediately.

I'll give you just one hint: it's about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. There is no plot twist like "this place is your mom's vagina" --- nothing like that. It's just about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Petition to remove the song “club classics” by Charli XCX to “shovel” because she sings “I wanna dance with SOPHIE”.

Tester mentions deployment failing, I go check. Strange terraform is exiting with a failure.

Mention that there is an error with infra code. PM comes in "HURDUR it's not broken". Literally, terraform saying error and exiting with status code 1 causing the whole deploy pipeline to fail is not broken, sure buddy.

here are things that prove god doesn't exist:
- trie (non-binary tree)
- nybble (half a byte)
- .DS_Store
- .Trash-1000
- tsconfig.json
- Electron
for if he existed, he would have never allowed those hubris monuments to be erected in his kingdom.

When you don't get enough kiki in your life: https://devrant.molodetz.nl/kiki.mp...

Sorry Kiki for ddossing your site for a few days :P But it was great example content to work with.

If someone is interested, the URL in the browser won't work, it's a link to my laptop. It'll published within 2 days or something. Probably with some limitations OR a bit slower. Not sure yet.

TIL empathy I've always had is auras

I am an idiot

ok time for a crazy story

so I've been sick 3 years. when I got sick I went to the hospital and I couldn't explain to the doctor what my issue was in a way he would understand. I hadn't slept in 2 weeks and couldn't, and it had all started with a weird headache (which was neither a migraine because I had those before, and my BF thought maybe it was a stroke but the doctor said no it was a migraine even tho migraines do not feel like that). one of the things the doctor couldn't seem to comprehend is how I said I didn't have "space" in my head anymore. he just totally ignored that. I kept coming back to the hospital and trying to all the different people. I was confused, exhausted, had to keep pacing or i felt myself fading out, felt my "consciousness" nearly going "lights out" all the time (like a shade was being closed on my eyes). had weird electrolyte misbalance issues which made me pee out a lot of water and then the consciousness lights out feeling would modulate. my resting heart rate was 110 whereas before I couldn't even get it over 80 exercising lol, not to mention I always had conscious control over it and yet here I didn't -- nurses tried to get me to meditate and it wouldn't work! I also had to say all my thoughts out loud and couldn't think in my own head. my whole world became "flat". prior to this I thought in spatialness -- I could generate and simulate 3d+ dimensions in my head, like dreamscapes, I could simulate visuals, textures, sounds, smells, even turns out mix foods I've had or invent totally new tastes from aspects of foods I knew existed. apparently not everyone can do this (I didn't know at the time). I also could simulate empathy in there and other more complex stuff. I lost all that. strangely I couldn't empathy feel IRL people's emotions anymore either (which was always trivial for me before, it was harder for me not to). nor could I understand what they were saying to me anymore. I could see them LITERALLY say it but I couldn't understand. it was weird. I didn't know it at the time and it only occurred to me weeks later that I was "alone" (disconnected I just realized). I have NEVER felt alone in my life before. now I understand

about 9 months ago I started getting my intuition back. so I can ask in my head for advice and a voice will aswer or sensate nudge me in a direction. this inspired me to look into witches, since I was sick and witches do herbs and stuff. why not. everybody kept saying psychosomatic. well magic-type shit is psychosomatic, clearly? if it works it works. I ain't gonna question it

I started practicing it and etc but didn't really get it. but now I am understanding so much

so the whole reason why that doctor didn't understand is because all of those abilities come from the soul... my whole life I've been empathetic and mind-reading. I can even read someone's intentions and thoughts from their texts. and this isn't like projection-stuff (though now I understand better how that works also... which I never could before. I studied psychology for a bit after a bad job situation but projection had never made sense to me)

you can hear words and not see the mental images associated with them. this means you're disconnected from your mental plane, ignoring it, maybe because it's fucked up which was the case with me. I have absolutely no clue what the fuck rammed me. but I've been meditating and fixing my soul-realms (etheric, astral, mental... and I regained access to the casual! now I understand why people acted confused when I could tell the future! cuz they can't hear the casual realm yet!)

and I was looking into reiki healing. everybody seems to have the opinion that you could just send "healing energy". while true this is immensely exhausting. apparently reiki is literally "rei" the god-consciousness of life (like spanky) moves "ki" which is energy. so you connect to rei, figure it out, and suddenly you can channel rei... sounds cool

as I was listening to a chick describe reiki and reiki concerns... I fucking figured out how empathy works. and why my life's been fucked. d'oh. this magic shit solves everything

mann.. 5 years after graduating , and i still feel that dsa rounds are one tough cookie.

i didn't do dsa for last 5 uears as i was busy in my daily dev life. then recently i planned for a switchz started preparing ds algo, got myself into a classroom course and now its been over 1 month and stuff just ... flies out of mind

like, our class has only covered arrays , searching sorting and string based questions till now. and since my interview is tomorrow i thought of going back to the classroom notes and revise all the questions.

and i can hardly remember 10/50!
I clearly remember understanding those questions well, putting comments and examples on the functions and doing them on my own without copying teachers code.

now all those notes are taking time to get back into memory. feels like i am dependent on checking tthe solution again n again to complete the problem.

this is truly scary. as of now i don't even had classes for advanced topics like recursion tres or graphs. the course will probably cover 400-500 problems.

if i go blank state after not doing these questions for a few months. how am i supposed to crack coding interviews which are usually scheduled within 2-3 days of notice?

Get passive income guyz

I am a hater of new/popular frameworks. How do I stop being a hater? I need to learn React/Next/whatever without being passive aggressive.

a kubernetes engineer is the one who doubles his effort when he loses his aim.

i ain't gonna build a tetris game for a code test for a job that might force me to work in the office. fuck that shit. code tests are a retarded way of assessing candidates.