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Designer: can we put the popup at the top of the screen?
Me: You mean op top of the navigation?
Designer: Yeah.
Me: I sure can. Would be stupid to block off the site navigation with a popup, but definately possible.
Designer: Cool, let me know when done!
Me: ....
Me: I am done.
Designer: Well now I can't click on the navigation anymore.
Me: That's correct. Let me know when you want to change it again.11 -
Interviewer: Why do you want to work for Facebook?
Me: I'm keen on protecting people's data and want them to have a good user experience
Interviewer:
Me:
Interviewer:
Me: haha I'm joking I don't give a shit
Interviewer: haha omg I was like whaaatttt lmao
src: https://twitter.com/ArfMeasures/...2 -
A wild Darwin Award nominee appears.
Background: Admins report that a legacy nightly update process isn't working. Ticket actually states problem is obviously in "the codes."
Scene: Meeting with about 20 people to triage the issue (blamestorming)
"Senior" Admin: "update process not working, the file is not present"
Moi: "which file?"
SAdmin: "file that is in ticket, EPN-1003"
Moi: "..." *grumbles, plans murder, opens ticket*
...
Moi: "The config dotfile is missing?"
SAdmin: "Yes, file no there. Can you fix?"
Moi: "Engineers don't have access to the production system. Please share your screen"
SAdmin: "ok"
*time passes, screen appears*
Moi: "ls the configuration dir"
SAdmin: *fails in bash* > ls
*computer prints*
> ls
_.legacyjobrc
Moi: *sees issues, blood pressure rises* "Please run list all long"
SAdmin: *fails in bash, again* > ls ?
Moi: *shakes* "ls -la"
SAdmin: *shonorable mention* > ls -la
*computer prints*
> ls -la
total 1300
drwxrwxrwx- 18 SAdmin {Today} -- _.legacyjobrc
Moi: "Why did you rename the config file?"
SAdmin: "Nothing changed"
Moi: "... are you sure?"
SAdmin: "No, changed nothing."
Moi: "Is the job running as your account for some reason?"
SAdmin: "No, job is root"
Moi: *shares screenshot of previous ls* This suggests your account was likely used to rename the dotfile, did you share your account with anyone?
SAdmin: "No, I rename file because could not see"
Moi: *heavy seething* so, just to make sure I understand, you renamed a dotfile because you couldn't see it in the terminal with ls?
SAdmin: "No, I rename file because it was not visible, now is visible"
Moi: "and then you filed a ticket because the application stopped working after you renamed the configuration file? You didn't think there might be a correlation between those two things?"
SAdmin: "yes, it no work"
Interjecting Director: "How did no one catch this? Why were there no checks, and why is there no user interface to configure this application? When I was writing applications I cared about quality"
Moi: *heavy seething*
IDjit: "Well? Anyone? How are we going to fix this"
Moi: "The administrative team will need to rename the file back to its original name"
IDjit: "can't the engineering team do this?!"
Moi: "We could, but it's corporate policy that we have no access to those environments"
IDjit: "Ok, what caused this issue in the first place? How did it get this way?!"
TFW you think you've hit the bottom of idiocy barrel, and the director says, "hold my mango lassi."31 -
Clickbait will never change.
It's the most stable and constant source of mild annoyance.
2019 internet:
"These 3 programming languages will net you the highest salary"
"Ten home improvement tips using nothing but recycled underwear"
"How to cut onions like a real chef"
2020 internet:
"3 programming languages to learn while being bored in self-quarantine"
"Ten ways to use underwear as facemasks during the pandemic"
"Onions might cure corona, click here to learn how to cut them"
2030 internet:
"These 3 programming languages will increase your chances of survival in the wastelands"
"Ten ways to patch up your shelter against radioactive ashes using old underpants"
"Hydroponic onions are a good source of nutrients. Here's how you cut them with your camping knife"17 -
A conversation I had today with my mother-in-law (replace with any boomer).
Me: When did you get this 4G home mobile internet subscription?
MIL: About 3 years ago.
Me: What's the max speed on it?
MIL: No idea.
Me: What are you paying for it per month?
MIL: Not sure.
Me: Ok... Can I see your last bill?
MIL: Hang on, it's on the drawer somewhere with all the other million paper bills I get because I don't know email billing has existed since 2001. Let me dig through it.
Me: You should sign up for email billing...
MIL: What if I forget because I don't see the email?
Me: You don't check your email?
MIL: No because all I get is spam...
Me: You should use a second email for spam.
MIL: How do I know which is spam?
Me: Umm... Anyway about that bill...
MIL: It's $29,90 and it's 10Mbits.
Me: Yeah sounds about right, these speeds are bad and that's definitely a very old plan... There are plans for 50Mbit for $14,90 now. You should swap.
MIL: But this is fine for me.
Me: Literally what?
MIL: I don't need it any faster.
Me: You spend all day watching Netflix and YouTube and you're paying for the HD plan and you don't have fast enough speed... Also when you do that, no one else can use the internet, nothing will load for us.
MIL: You've never had a problem with it before when you were both here.
Me: Because we've never stayed here longer than like 2 days, and usually we use our mobile hotspots but I need to connect some devices via wired now.
MIL: Why do you need to do that?
Me: Never you mind. Anyway, both your daughter and I would like the internet to be at least a twentieth of our home internet speed... Not a hundredth... Plus it's literally $180 cheaper per year.
MIL: I think having slow internet is nice (she actually said this).
Me: We don't, and wtf no one thinks slow internet is nice... Really you should upgrade. They'll probably end support for this plan soon anyway because it's so old (half lie). Also $180 is a lot of money to save.
MIL: If they haven't after 3 years then I doubt they will and they'll just change my over automatically, won't they?
Me: Yes but they probably won't offer you anything remotely as good as if you asked yourself. Why won't you swap?
MIL: Oh I don't know. I don't understand any of the things they ask on the phone.
Me: You can do it all online. You signed up to Netflix without any problems...
MIL: I'll think about it.
Me: Okay and I'll think about mowing the lawn and digging those few new garden beds you wanted.
--------------------
1 hour later (to her daughter)
MIL: Oh so I got a 5 pack of these 100 decorated serviettes and they were 25% off.
Me: But you won't save $15 a month and get 5 times faster internet to satisfy your daughter and her partner.
--------------------
Some more hours later
MIL: (to my partner) Can you ask pythoninrelay why Netflix isn't working?
Me: It seems to be because I'm downloading some stuff.
MIL: Can you do that later?
Me: Nope.
MIL: Okay how long is it going to take?
Me: At this rate, about 13 hours.
MIL: What? What on earth takes that long to download!
Me: Quantum Break (it's 100GB)
MIL: Is that a show? Can't you watch it on Netflix?
Me: No and no it's not on Netflix.
MIL: Well this just won't do! It's not going to work if only one person can use the internet at a time!
Me: ... So you'll swap the internet over?
MIL: That'll solve the problem?
Me: Pretty much.
MIL: How long will it take to swap it over?
Me: Probably about an hour, but definitely less than 13 hours.
MIL: Can you just download that whilst you sleep?
Me: We have dozens of other things we need to download and I need to reprovision my home server. Can you watch Netflix whilst we sleep?
MIL: ...
Me: Just give me your laptop and let me change this shit for fucks sake! It was your fucking idea that we all quarantine here. Even if we didn't NEED to swap it, you should think about being proactive enough to make use of my talents and ask me how you can save money and get a better deal on stuff like this anyway.
MIL: I don't care about getting deals on stuff like this.
Me: Yeah nah, but fucking serviettes are worth bragging about right? Hand me the fucking laptop. I won't ask again or we're leaving, quarantine or not.
--------------------
Not even 35 minutes later, the plan speed silently increases and we're enjoying 100Mbit internet and it's the same price she was paying for 10Mbit. All this fuss and she didn't have to lift a finger...
We've succeeded in making a world where boomers can just live in total selfish comfort and where it's painful for them to consider someone else's needs, even temporarily. Especially if they don't get to brag about it.15 -
Client presentation. Analyst is working from home. She stands up for a split second and reveals she is not wearing pants.20
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EDIT: devRant April Fools joke (2020)
-------------------------
We've been at this a few years now, and over the last 6 months we've been working closely with a brand consulting agency, and after numerous developer interviews, surveys and focus groups, we've come to realize "devRant" is simply not capturing the cultural zeitgeist of this new decade. Therefore, we have a bold new brand that will be rolling out over the coming week. devDucks is our bold vision for the future, today. devDucks speaks to a new generation of software engineers who resonate with a more upbeat, optimistic tone when they go to an anonymous web community to swear and lament their current work situation. While we finalize the new logo and other key marketing collateral, we have started a staged roll-out of our new brand styling, including the conversion of all avatars to literal devDucks. We hope this brings more joy to your ranting, as it has to ours. Sincerely, David & Tim (@dfox & @trogus) - devDucks co-founders
62 -
Heard a fun quote from a project manager today:
"Naaah we don't need tests, that project is so small it wouldn't be worth it"
Seconds later: "Why does this keep breaking all the time and we only notice it once deployed?"8 -
Downside to being a computing student:
I need my PC to study, but all my distractions are on my PC so it's really hard not to get distracted while studying.6 -
Me: *spends a few months solo coding some tool to do some amazing thing*
Me: *feeling proud, publishes it to Github/Reddit/etc. ready to show the world I did a thing*
Guy #1: Oh so this is like link: <anothertooljustlikethis>, but a bit different?
Me: *Clicks the link*
Me: *Sees a 3 year old repo with a few thousand commits, most recent 2 minutes ago, it has 400+ stars, 250 forks and a team of 20+ people working on it and a discord ofc*
Me: *wishing he looked harder months ago* "nO ThIs TOoL iS COmPleTeLY dIFfEREnT!"
Guy #2: Yo it won't even compile for me, it gives me <somebasicerrorididntcatch>
Also Guy #2 to Guy #1: Oh thanks I didn't know about <anothertooljustlikethis> it looks great!
Me: ... *trying to fix the basic error*
*Guy #1 Comment now at 46 upvotes, 2 gold etc.. my thread is at 2 upvotes*
Me: *deletes my repo*
Guy #3: Hey @me the repo link doesn't work
Guy #3 to Guy #1: Oh thanks for this dude, it works great!
Me: *Deletes everything I worked on, and stars the other repo*13 -
I have coronavirus. Went to ER because I couldn't breathe Sunday night. Thought I was fucked. I decide to try to work a couple hours today because I'm getting restless. I'm an associate and have been on a project about a month. No prior software job.
Anyway. They ask me to clone a repo and run some tests. Cool, I can do that. They give me another example to look at to make sure I'm running the test right. Except the test files aren't attached to the email nor is the path to them provided.
I ping the other associate developer on Skype and ask for the test files and get a passive aggressive response that they're in the email. No, they're not you fuck stick, hence why I'm fucking asking you, and given that I almost fucking died a couple days ago, you should be fucking grateful I even logged on. Motherfucker.
Ok I feel better now.17 -
These fuckface wantrapeneurs, posting jobs (paying to do so) and then offering bullshit like:
- We have no funding, so you'll work for free for some time.
- Paying in fucking crypto.
- Wanting a full stack rainbow puking and shitting unicorn for peanuts
- Fucking scammers, posing as legit companies and asking you to install Anydesk.
- Asking absurd interview tasks and times (a couple of days worth of work for a task).
- Whiteboard and live coding interviews with bullshit questions thinking they're Google, while having 20 devs.
- Negotiating salaries and when presented with contract get the salary reduced by double the amount.
- Having idiotic shit on their company websites like a fucking dog as a team member associated as happiness asshole. (One idiot even had a labrador during the video interview while cuddling him)
- Companies asking you to install tracking software with cam recording to keep you in check. (Yeah, you can go fuck yourselves)
- Having absurd compensation schemes, like pay calculation based on the "impact" your work has
Either I'm unlucky or job hunting has become something else since I last started searching.6 -
Oh, it's been awful. A mandated email about washing hands. A slurry of awful jokes every time someone sneezes. Send help.8
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