If Gordon Ramsay made code reviews, I would watch that show. Especially the insults he would use for handling clients.

"This code has so much spaghetti, it decided to open it's own restaurant"

Code reuse.

When your code game is strong

bad code that works 👍

source: reddit.com/r/ProgrammerHumor/

I know someone from Uni who used a green text on red background IDE to make sure the colourblind person sat next to him couldn't copy his code...

"Everyone Can Code!!" - but not everyone should!

code review

Show me the code

How it should be:
- First: solve the problem
- Second: Write your code.

How many people do:
- First: Write code
- Second: solve code problems
- Third: Adapt code with requirements
- Forth: get lost on your spaghetti code
- Sixth: make a suicide

If my code was a picture :D

Where's the who write this code

Never ever touch legacy code...

It's called code

How do I code....

Code doesn't lie, comments do.

Joker: If you are good at something don’t do it for free
Me: (thinking) How much shall I charge to introduce bugs into someone’s code? 🤣

I code so my cat can live a better life

Me: I'm gonna write some code today. Try to push more commits in a single day than I did last week.

Github: You only get half a contribution tile today, bitch.

When my code comes for review

How do you fix a bug in a badly written code?
You don't. You re-write that shit!

The only programming joke I know is my code.

Second VS Code extension with 100 downloads! 😊

He: We need to put more parentheses in the code for readability
Me: Ok, I get it.

When I decided to comment my code

My code..

Commenting out legacy code, instead of deleting it

Code never lies
Comment does

That's me currently. Can't understand my own code that I wrote a year ago.

In my defense, no one reviewed my code 😂😂😂

The first code review

Code formatting is important when it's not too long...

Code never lies... Comments sometimes do... 💻💻

When you want to code but don't know what to code🤔

When someone says document your code

Code joke

Have you ever written a piece of code so awesome, that you just had to go back, and look at it?

I have.

When the manager says, more commenting on code

Legacy code 😂

Sometimes looking back at your code for documentation reasons and you really ask yourself "wow, did I make this? this is fucking genius"

My coworker comments every line of code I think the code is not readable!

When the code finally works after days of debbugging

My life is a mess but my code is clean.

International quality of code measurement? WTFs/minute

99 bugs in the code. 99 bugs in the coooode. Squish one out, patch it around. 128 bugs in the code.

Looking at code you wrote 2 months ago....

You think code is complicated?
Wait till you import a wife.

Parent: Your room is a mess
Me: You should see my code

*Flying slipper received*

When I show someone my code

This one should be named ‘The Unclean Code’ 😂

Can't fall asleep because of unfinished code...

Wake up at 03:00 AM because of nightmares about bad code...

Too tired to finish code or rewrite bad code :'(

Code review, here the simplified version. What the fuck has to be wrong with someone who seriously codes the first variant in production code?!

No way you are touching my code.

I am one with my code and my code is with me.

Me everytime when someone ask me to help him in his code

Wrote my first code as an Intern for two weeks. Sent for code review. 30 different bugs 😔

How to Code...
“Always code as if the guy who ends up maintaining your code will be a violent psychopath who knows where you live”
― John Woods

I code for fun until it isn’t any fun anymore, then I code because I need to finish.
But no code is ever finished.
I shall code forever!

"...the way he has written the code, it feels nasty man. I would have done it this way..."

Fuck you and your feelings. If you think my code is bad, give justification for it. Explain the fucking reason. Stop saying it "feels" like a bad code.

Fucking tired of this mentality in most of the developers. Why is it that the moment you look at someone else's code, you feel like you would have written it better. Programming is problem solving. And you can solve a problem in couple of different way.

If the code is absolute shit, has followed no best practices then yeah, go ahead and call it a bad code. But just because you would have moved some lines here and there, that doesn't mean the other persons code is horrible.

Goddamit!

The rants I read here make me want to be a better developer. I started writing tests, linting code and ensuring 'quality code' because of the devrant community. Being a self taught developer, you never really have anyone to thank. But today I would like to appriciate you all for the rants, comments and advice that make us developers become better at our craft.

I am one with the Code and the Code Is with me :)

Buddy just hit me up on Snapchat after one of his code reviews

Who else checks the source code of porn sites 😀😁

Refactoring my 2013 code

I'm a code blooded animal

Clean Code opened my eyes !!

@dfox
!rant, it's the Feature request

Possibility to post `a code snippet with monospaced font` would be usefull.
Or even
```
def multiline_code():
from 2 to Inf:
"Lines of code"
```
Sth like in markdown.

Me today at class, doing a group work, while suddenly I saw my colleague’s code looking very odd.

Me : “Why is your code like that?”
Her : “Like what?”
Me : “Its not spaced correctly... look its way over there”
Her : “Oh well, I just like it like that, its my style”
Me “...”

And im just like, if she post her code at SO, she wouldve been eaten alive...

If your only experience is Uni, don't put skills down as 'Advanced' on your damn CV

Lower expectations, deliver results

This is how you know you write good code

> Writing some code 😀
> Compile it
> 10 errors 😣😣
> Debugging mode on😎
> Write about 100 print statements to debug the code
> At last found errors and now remove those print statements😅
> Compile code
> 2 out of 30 test cases pass😤😤
> Exhausted and angry😡
> Silicon valley new episode arrives🎉
> Super excited after watching the episode and think like you too can code like Richard Henricks😎😎
> Coming back to the old code and build logic from scratch
> Compile and finally all test cases pass
> Task completed😂😂

Shit code. I've done it, you've done it, we've all done it. Just keep working hard and improving. Eventually, you'll be writing better... shit code.

Code progression.

After checking my college code, Im surprised i even graduated.

During code review:

Guy (also the same guy who pushes code without making unit tests): "Hey, this thing you added is unnecessary. Remove it."
Me: "Have you read the rest of the changes? It isn't unnecessary."
Guy: "Not yet"

output vs actual code

Someone else's Code....😠😇

Human source code is stored in balls :O

That moment when the you actually think that this huge refactoring isn't worth it, but you do it anyway so you can live with yourself...
Code quality is love. Code quality is life.

How it feels to touch instable code

I'm now typing clean code. [1]
And it shows - the code really looks better. [2]
.
.
.
.
[1] I cleaned my keyboard by removing every single key and wiping it with alcohol.
[2] After I bought a new monitor, that is.

Working code is not a clean code

You know it...from the introductory page of "Clean Code" by Robert C. Martin.

Which door represents your code?

bad code that works is bad code.

During the weekdays I code for a paycheck. On the weekends I code for fun :)

Fun fact!

Vs code actually works with 550k lines of html dom.

If programmers became musicians we would see
- Wake me up when my build ends, 21 cores, Boulevard of broken CI pipelines by Blue Screen Day
- Smoke from my cabinet by Deep For-Loop
- This is how you debug me by Loopback
- Post-release rhapsody by debug queen
- Another bug in the code by Programmer Floyd
- Smells like bad code by Coders from Botswana
- A place for my code, Cure for the bug by Likin to code at dark

etc etc..

my code...

I was asked by a client to code review their platform built in PHP. The platform was becoming slow and new features built by their current IT supplier broke existing features.

I gained access to the source code... One PHP file (index.php) containing about 80K lines of code... I am impressed and disgusted at the same time. 😂

If you're not a programmer, don't get a tattoo with code in it...

That person, who commits code without formatting. Every single time...😡😠😾

Finish this sentence :

“Everytime I code, ...”

My answer :
“Hope is not with me”

I feel weird if I go a day without writing any code

God this code is hideous

* git blame *

Ahhhh

*slowly back away from the computer*

My code!

Looking at the previous version of my code, pushes me to write a better one! All the time!

Dear code,
Please get refactored yourself
Thanks

The best way to write maintainable code is to imagine the next person who has to debug your code. Then imagine that they have your phone number, personal address, and your daily schedule.

Writing clean code is what you must do in order to call yourself a professional. There is no reasonable excuse for doing anything less than your best. - Clean Code

the only valid measurement of code quality

When I revisit old code that's not commented.

Bad Code

When you no longer understanding your code, the feeling 😂

Cleaning up my old code be like..

I hired a coder to write a WordPress plugin on my dev server. He no longer works for me and is unreachable. The plugin does most of what it needs to do. But when I dig into the code and the database to find what should be obvious bits of code that do obvious things? None of that code is found. Not even with a recursive directory keyword search for that should be easy to find like CSS class names and IDs. Even the data that comes from the database and that I see on the screen is not actually present in the database!!! Yet it all works. I'm pretty sure at this point the code and data reside in a parallel dimension only the coder can get to. How do I debug code that doesn't actually exist?!

Fuckwit tried to lecture me on clean code.

Checked his work, it seems like he writes the spaghettiest spaghetti I've ever seen. Who would have guessed it. At least he knows that something called 'clean code' exists.

When your code is working without any errors. And without any help the first time you compile it.

When someone pushes the code with compilation issue be like...

Truth can only be found in one place: the code.
-Robert C. Martin

Asking my colleagues to review my code is like asking "can you roast my code?".

Vs code lovers

I'd like to make the world a better place but...

They won't give me the source code. 😔

It's called VS code because it always u vs ur terrible code

So... Yeah... Code quality

Everytime I'm digging into some random legacy code where no one knows its original intention I'm seeing "Software Archeologist" as a well-paid job sooner or later...
Fucking undocumented legacy code...

The only valid measurement of code quality

Programming commandment: Thou shall, from time to time look at your old code, introspect and improve!

When you push seemingly harmless untested code to production server which breaks the whole application...

When you see someone else's code:

Accurate representation of when you try to keep your code neat.

*writing code*
*compile*
*Error*
*compile again*
*Success*

Thats why coding is magic

when you spend hours trying to patch code you poorly structured of which 30 minutes is enough to rewrite the whole damn thing.

The happiness when you get to delete some code while adding new feature 😄

Modularise your code. It makes it very readable.

Sometimes I get so frustrated seeing my old code, I wanna travel back in time and slap myself!

Today my code is like this

Maintaining other people’s code is a form of torture

I write code too

Why night code is better than morning code ?

While I code...

Half fact: Code reviews help to maintain clean codebases.
Full fact: Code reviews are a way to find out who secretly wants you fired.

Give me a motivation to code again. I’m lost....

Programming commandment: Thou shall not commit code snippet copied from StackOverflow without adding a comment to help future coder brethren!

With my code :p

Manager : what is "looks good" in code review comment??? You have to be more detailed.

Me in next code review : It is not aesthetically pleasing, but it gets the job done.

I feel like VS Code will grow up and become VS one day.

Reading the code that i wrote years ago, FUCK OLD ME

How I feel when my code works.

Programming commandment: Thou shall blame all bad code on thy comrade who has bequeathed your company!

Colleague: We need to deliver it today so let's hardcode some values in the code to make it work
Me: Ok you do it. I don't even want to see it!

What is your Favorite time to code ?

That moment when code reuse makes you reuse reused code and you actually reuse a BUG.

You decide to go for code reusing when your boss asks: "Can you add an edit popup besides that 'add customer' popup button?". You do some little tweaks to the "new customer" code and it allows that to save over an existing entry, cool.

However, after a lot of time spent on reviewing the resulting PR, turns out there was a dormant bug on the code you reused, and it woke up with its new use.

That code was a bad copy-pasta from another, bigger form, which included a whole bunch of optional fields. As it was only used to save new entries, those now missing fields were simply being saved as empty. But as you reused that to save existing entries, you were now cleaning up all those optional fields without noticing.

When reading through someone else's code, what about it made you think "Damn this is well written" or similar?

Any language - I have a bias towards PHP, C++ and C though.

Found this beauty in the source code of visual studio code...

All devs know good code when they see one.

Reviewing the code of my then new CTO, who said "I can also code and have experience in Java" - 50 lines of code, I added over 30 comments to his Pull Request. In the end, I rewrote his complete code.

People who code should know how to build a computer for themselves

That moment when you want to stop reviewing bad coder's code. Or else, you'll go nuts.

A refactor a day keeps the doctor away!

I abhor timed code tests. Do you really want to test how fast I can write crappy code?

-*sleeping frustated cause of code errors*

brain: hey, wake up! I think I know the solution of that code

-*wake up at 4 am*
-*do the code*
-*get more errors*

Fuck this life

I want to share funny code memes with you guys but all my funny code memes come from devRant.

Going through legacy or other developers code which don't have documentation or even comments. Plus the author of the code is not working in same organisation anymore to consult. We have to understand the code like deciphering any ancient language. 😥

Learn To Code, It’s Harder Than You Think

I have been asked to submit a piece of code for review for an interview, something I'm proud of writing.

What kind of code snippet would you submit? (A custom sort.. a tricky bit of data manipulation etc)

Most secure ways of transferring code

Have you ever read someone code and think that you don’t know coding?

No Coffee, No code. Coffee is the source of all my code.

Coffee makes me go sudo.

So I've been just assigned a code review. For a complete new feature.
It's over 20k lines of Code.

Time to quit

When you're reviewing code so bad it would have been easier to just write it yourself...

$a = 1;
$b = 2;
echo ($a < $b) ? ($a > $b) ? 'This is totally fine' : ($a < $b) ? 'This is not ok!' : 'Perfect' : 'No problem here';

Why do people do this?!

(And I mean nested ternary ifs, not coding in PHP :P)

I think I'm a good developer. I have pretty decent debugging skills, including pulling apart disassembled x86 and other architecture code.

I'm fascinated by how things work.

But almost everything is catered for by a library. Or has already been done.

I find it enjoyable to create a library or program myself, but get disheartened when I find some library or program that is written seemingly very well, compared to my own code. And then I start to think I'm not a good developer after all.

Sort of relates to my previous rant about repeatedly rewriting code.

Applies to me doing programming as a hobby but probably affects my code at work as well... I just can't help but think my code is probably awful compared to what someone else might write.

...then I see incredibly ugly, messy, badly written code by other people and I feel better...

I suppose it is like an artist who sees amazing works but cannot paint to that standard, but is well beyond drawing stick figures with crayons.

Sounds like a trivial problem but it probably impedes my progress with a lot of things.

The more you design the less you code.

Have someone did creative code?

If [ "$answer" == "yes" ] ; then
share_experience_please
fi

If you are posting code to DevRant, be prepared to explain the intention of the code, and to be commented on every aspect.

You can't just "ah look at this line..." And expect us to ignore the rest of the picture!!

The one thing they do not say about low-code tools is how much code you have to write when their undocumented garbage doesn't fucking work.

Need to code myself a girlfriend

Duplication of code is 'evil'...

Code Code
Now I think they got their mistake

when you had to indent the code everytime you work on someone else's code

Just going through some old code from git repo's and code examples and I have a message to every dev out there after seeing some of the code quality...

Never... ever... ever fucking give variables with names like vx, tr and sq.

Give your variables names that explain what they are, it is so fucking hard trying to follow code that has 2 letter variable names and there is a special place in hell for you :-)

Code Works

That awkward moment your company worker realises you just refactored his code

Code never lies.
Comments sometimes do.

Am I the only one who hates automatic code completion in code editors?

When your app is full of bad code

Ok... Now the fun stuff can begin :)

But Why ??
Saw this I a project that my company wanted me to fix and maintain. There are more hilarious things like this. (I will keep you updated)
and I am finding things like this in the code.

I always stalk my code if it runs perfectly. I wonder that *Did I write this code?*

Code Quality

Finally, I got my laptop back after 4 gruelling days of separation with a new disc and more RAM!!!
I can't wait to finish up installing all the programmes I need to start writing code!!!

Code Code

Not expected from digitalocean

This is so nice..💙😄

<Heading> 
Synopsis of Gita (religious book of Hindus)

<Stanza 1> 
Code is an illusion
Today you are coding
Tomorrow someone else would do it
Thereafter someone else

<Stanza 2>
What did you learn
That is helping you in this Project
What are you learning
That will help you in your next Project

<Stanza 3>
Bug is the truth of life
It is today, and will remain forever
You think you have debugged the Bug
You are wrong

<Stanza 4>
It is continuous
In various new forms
It pops up
Recognise it Parth (Son of Hindu God)

<Stanza 5>
That's why go on making Codes
Don't think about the Bug
They will come to you
On their own

What is the best way to do a code review for a colleague's code, without coming out as a complete ass?

"Deleted code is debugged code." - Jeff Sickel

Me after working with undocumented legacy code

When you don’t even understand some old code you wrote 🤔😩😂

When I read my 2 years Old code

The kind of code I write on a Friday afternoon after a LONG week.

I just love code-golf, I only started recently, but sometimes it's nice to fuck all coding conventions, missuse lazy evaluation and abuse scope leaking.
I'm normally really tidy with formating and whitespace placement, but code-golf is also a testing field for uncommen constructs and I think it can give deeper insights into a language.

I don't like languages specifically for code-golf though, these are just stupid and no fun (at least for me).

It's called vs code because it's always you vs your shitty code

This cracked me up

Customer has design review for big project I’m working on, have to sit with someone who isn’t a developer and explain my code.

Cunts, cunts, cunts.

If you don’t understand or know about code maybe you shouldn’t be a code reviewer.

What is easy to code at the moment isnt necessarily the best code in the long run.

- From the dev currently maintaining spaghetties of spaghetti code

Some people be writing nude code...

Lovely Friday, throw some code on my computer screen and pretend to code!

When coworker's code is like a burning bus

I love how our industry has invented such important sounding yet meaningless job titles...

Developer, software engineer, software architect, developer evangelist, dev ops engineer, systems analyst, quality assurance engineer, code monkey...

HOW to write code?
mE:we are actually typing the code

Can you code a code that codes?
Can that code, code a code that codes a code?
So basically that code, can code itself.
So a self code code then, huh 😂😂🤣😁😀

"Whenever there is a decline in quality of code and rise of bugs and errors oh dear coder, I manifest to show the path of bug and error free coding" said code-god
- Chapter 1 Verse 1, Code Gita