me: "ah, my scraper is nearly done - just need some final tweaks"

coworker: "JuSt FrOm LoOkInG aT yOuR ScReEn A fEw TiMeS tOdAy, I cAn TeLl YoU iT wOnT wOrK"

me, infuriated by his idiot mentality but not trying to start anything: "ah, its fine, I've already scraped 3000+ entities"

coworker: "but it wont work."

me: "but... its working..."

coworker: "but it won't work."

me: "ok."

sometimes its just better to just affirm the narcessistic assholes. make sure they are right.

A user opened an issue on Github saying something doesn't compile. Fair enough, it didn't.

Another user comments saying "I have the exact same issue but after the program launches"

Bitch no, that's not the same issue. Not at all.

I DON'T FUCKING CARE IF WE'VE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS, IT FUCKING CAME UP AGAIN DIDN'T IT?! SO WE CLEARLY DIDN'T NAIL IT THE FIRST FUCKING TIME.

Something I probably shouldn't talk about:

One of the projects at work has a specific path you can visit. The """security""" is that nobody should know the path. But I can guaran-fucking-tee you it's not difficult to guess.

On this page, ***without a login***, you can view some user information. Well, you can view all of it, but only certain fields.

And if you perform a specific action on this page, you can get their password, plaintext.

This project is not mine. But learning all of this made me super uneasy. I had to share it.

Non-developers (especially factory workers) don't understand the stress a developer goes through. They say: "What stress could you possibly have? You just sit with your ass behind a computer".

Yeah.. don't get me started.

Fun fact.

The HTTP error 451 means "content is not available because of legal reasons".

The name comes from Ray Bradbury's book Fahrenheit 451, which is about a dystopian society where books and literature are censored by the government.

Cutting edge

Fuck mysql charset shit. Pretty easy to forgot setting charset in server side config file. And after creating several databases/tables, boom! All in latin1. That's just so convenient. are you kidding me? Why would any modern database have their default charset to be latin1??? rather than utf8? Oh, just forgot again, that's utf8fuckingmb4 on mysql land.

In case anyone missed it, you probably shouldn't be using tiktok. That said, anyone surprised by this behavior is likely generally unaware of how monetization works on social media so carry on.

https://boredpanda.com/tik-tok-reve...

My dystopian fuckwad of a government just blocked duckduckgo.

China just took some of our land, so they got around to banning chinese apps on local internet. And while they were at it, for no reason they blocked a bunch of privacy apps and duckduckgo. Which is an American company.

How fucking convenient.

Was a co-lead on the first project to add image recognition to ATMs for depositing checks. Turns out, it was a pretty OK idea and people liked it.

Accidentally pressing E while browsing a github repository instantly forks it 😡 what the fork?!

It's so fucking hot in here I wanna murder a bitch. How am I gonna continue working like this?

Let's hope it rains soon.

* Footnote:
My heat tolerance is low. About 27 degrees (c) is when my body starts malfunctioning due to heat.

Me: "Got it now. I'm good."

Terminal: "I insist. I'll show you more."

Me: "Please stop."

Terminal: "No no, I insist. You need this. I'll give it to you."

Me: "STOP!"

Terminal: "You don't mean that."

Me: "FUUUUUCCCCKK!" *starts smashing the keyboard*

Terminal: "See? You like it."

Me: "I'll fucking kill you and your entire bloodline. Fuck you. Fuck youu!"

Terminal: "Dum di dum di dum."

Me: "Puta." *kills terminal*

Simple.

Awkward recruiting process? Sit the fuck back!

So about a year ago I got laid off. I got some help setting up LinkedIn and realising I'm not trash and offers to talk started flowing in.

So this consultancy firm asks me to come in for a talk and having nothing better to do I oblige - they're working on big, exciting Greenfield stuff and I'm amazed they want me.
Fast forward the most nervous week in my life and the HR assistant brings me into the meeting room, I get some water and a nice first impression - also my last. I wait in the room for five minutes.

In walks madam HR, madam Team lead and miss assistant from before, all carrying big ass laptops. We shake hands and they sit down and all open up their laptops between me and them - I just sit there feeling naked with my block of paper and pencil I brought.

So we wait for their machines to start up and madam HR just starts throwing questions at me and seemingly noting my answers into a sheet. Meanwhile madam Teamlead is busy on her phone most of the time and my most human interaction remains smalltalk and questions between me and miss assistant.

I did manage to get madam Teamlead to look up from her phone when I asked how they felt about the fact that I have no formal training and would need to pick up a lot of skills as we go, to which she said something along 'well this ain't a candy shop, we expect you to work' and looked back down at her phone.

A bit shaken, I agreed to stay for the technical test (apparently I passed the interview...)
Now this test was designed by their CTO since he didn't feel like any of the available tests on the market could properly judge applicants' skilllevels. Yes, alarms went off already at that point.

What I'm presented with is a word document with questions, and another for answers and... It's just string gymnastics and reference/value difference knowledge - shit it takes you a split second to look up or test if you ever get into these insane cases where you need to know. And then there was a likewise one with sql statements that was also just convoluted query gymnastics and trying to hide changes in the seemingly same statement through various questions. No questions on design, no problem solving, just... Attention span testing with a dash of coding?

Anyway, it turned out they had evening and weekend shifts and round the clock support tournus which on top of the ridiculous recruitment process and way lower than average salary offer had me turn them down.

Don't enable bullshit people, run away!

Experimental networking protocols that ran on the International Space Station to test deep space communications.

"The user is only going to see the loading screen for a second anyway".

Tell me more about poor internet connections, Mr. CBD-residing, office-wifi developer. I'm all ears.

I forged a katana once, under the supervision of a swordsmith. Nothing super special like damascus patterning or anything, but the cutting edge was pretty sharp.

Ugh sorry, lame word jokes.

In terms of software...

Microsoft Office Ribbon (cutting edge at the time, lol). Only as a maintenance drone on a bunch of manual search-and-replace work and merge conflict resolving.

Ariane 6 family of rockets (Welding X-rays and other DICOM quality assurance).

Software for continuous flow chemistry, developing microfluidic PCBs to perform Elisa immunology assays during the Mexican flu outbreak. Idea was to eliminate the need for microplates, expensive robots, microwell washers, etc — just have blood plasma, enzymecoated nanoparticles, antigen, conjugated detection reagents and substrates flowing programmatically through a PCB with a spectrophotometer built in.

Neural network based 3D indoor location tracking on a moving ship in the middle of the ocean with ar visualization for the crew to find guests.

You are on a cruise, you have an app on your phone to order stuff (drinks, meals etc)
Once you order an indoor location system calculates your position (based signal strength on training) on the ship(x, y, z)(deck, area etc) and sends it to the crew.

The crew wears an ar glass and once your order is ready they get a realtime ar navigation to you.

It was seriously over-engineered 😀
We used the phone’s bluetooth and beacons on the ship to calculate the position based on signal strength.