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In French language class:
Teacher: So why do you want to learn French?
Me: I love to learn new languages.
Teacher: Is that so? What languages have you learnt?
*A moment of silence*
Teacher asks slowly, "Turbo C++?"
I reply, "No GCC."
Teacher nods his head, "You're good."23
FUCK BUZZWORDS!! IT NEEDS TO STOP!
SOMEONE JUST WROTE ME THIS:
Idiot: I used machine learning to create a website.
idiot: I used HTML - Hyper Text Machine Learning
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING SAY!25
Duplex: Hi, Umm... Can I book 3 seats on Wednesday?
Restaurant: Sure! And what time is it?
Duplex: Yeah, Oh, I'd like it at NullPointer Exception if it's possible.
Restaurant: Invalid parameter "NullPointer Exception" restarting program...4
Story time mother truckers!
Y'all know the deal so far but here's a recap of last week's episode:
Me: "I'm quitting because of reasons."
Boss: "You're a disgrace and you're going to fail and nobody likes you and if it wasn't for us you'd never have a job in this industry!"
Me: "You're a selfish arrogant prick who thinks the world owes him a favour."
It ended there. Until yesterday.
My biggest client emailed him to ask about meeting to discuss timescales and a plan of action (he hadn't told them I was leaving yet) so he uses it as an excuse to remind me that I'm "a failure who he was told not to hire" and berate me. He tells the client I'm leaving.
The same client, the one who has been asking for the impossible phones me up, apologises, tells me that they're only pressuring because they hate my boss. They want nothing to do with him. They then proceed to say "So... is there anything we could offer to tempt you away from your new job?"
After everything, through all the shit, they said they recognised I was much more junior than they were promised but were so impressed that I was able to keep up that three separate people in their company decided on their own to ask me to work for them.
FUCK YOU BOSS MAN YOU GIANT ROTTING TURD OF HUMAN REMAINS!29
Ooooooh I just skip a heart attack and shit myself at the same time, thank god for error "can not delete database, database is in use"8
I haven't posted anything in a long time. Let me change that. I'm doing normal. Just busy. University and all. Seems like stuff is going to get a bit interesting. I can't say anything beyond that.
I hope everyone's alright.13
Yo momma so fat, she sat on my binary tree and it collapsed into a linked list!
- Anon from Reddit.15
People be like:
"Just sell your projects. And stop releasing things for free! You will make a lot of money."
"Hey, can you lend me money for this software?" - "how much?" - "30$" - "Woah what the fuck do you think kiddo? That's way too expensive! I don't shit gold!"20
Girlfriend (art student): “You’re in CS. Why don’t you use Windows? Macs are terrible for programming.”
Me: “macOS is better for doing command line compilation and shit because it supports Unix terminal commands and stuff with a reliable OS that’s better-supported than most Linux OSes. I also have Windows on my laptop too, for Visual Studio.”
Girlfriend: “Only like 1% of people use command line stuff. Windows is better for programming. I’ve seen a lot of CS majors use Windows.”
Me: “Uh. You watch me use my computer every day. The stuff I do in Terminal takes forever on Windows.”
Girlfriend: “Yeah, but Windows is just better for programming though.”
Another benefit of working from home: PRIVATE TOILET.
One fucking toilet for 15 people is not enough.14
"I have a terminal illness"
*room goes silent*
"so I stopped using the terminal"
*bob throws his keyboard at me*4
-Some run marathons, I run Python
-Some have energy drinks, I have Java
-Some fight in MMA, I fight with CSS
-Some see new places, I C new Places();
-Some are quick, I am Swift
-Some go camping, I Go Compiling
-Some can judge objectively, I can judge Objective-c
-Some climb mountains, I Scala Structures
-Some live adventurous lives, I live a BASIC one
-Some go ball, I COBOL
-Some watercolor, I Pascal
-Some look for diamonds and emeralds, I look for Ruby and Perl
-Some write novels, I TypeScript
-Some banter, I SmallTalk16
Sitting outside, in the park, sunny, warm, music, writing a new blog post for the security/privacy blog.
I actually love this 😊13