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Wrote my friend Sam a letter when I was still working in support. I think it still holds up today.
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Dear Sam,
I understand that you will join us in our overseas office. Congratulations on landing that job. It’s good steady work. I’ve been doing it for the last ten years.
Your still young so maybe I can give you some little wisdom that will help you in your working years to come.
Let me begin by shedding some light on phone calls.
I try. I really do try Sam. But it is getting so hard for me to hold back the rage that builds up during certain phone calls. Especially the ‘Sorry, I just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’ ones.
Those are the times that I have no access to what they see. I’ve no team-viewer, can not take over that screen in any other way. And why-oh-why can I not take over that terminal session dear Sam? It’s because the caller can not double-click an icon or find a terminal session number.
And what is the reason for this? Because they ‘just don’t know anything about computers! -giggle-’. This is a sort of get-out-of-jail-free card. Beware of these callers Sam.
There is nothing so nerve-wrecking then finding yourself at the mercy of people describing Internet Explorer (do not even get me started) as ‘the big ‘E’, if they use Chrome for their webmail then they most likely will say ‘Mail’ if they mean Chrome. There is no logic Sam. That is just the way these people work.
They will suck all enjoyment out of your work. They will make you want to hunt them down in dark office hallways and show them your tears Sam. Because cry you will.
Sure, I understand that not everyone can be tech savvy. Why, if everyone would be, where would that leave us? No. I love the technologically challenged. They put the fiber in my internet. They make me LOL for real. After the initial anger subsides anyway.
But just below that well-willing folk, on the other side of that border… there they dwell: Management.
Nice cars, suits and iphones Sam. First thing a new manager will require is a brand spanking new business-card. It will hold his/her new title. Then an iphone or overpriced android model will follow suit.
Then they will barge into your office, holding it like it’s the next best thing since sliced bread.
Any manager will automatically assume that you will drop anything you are doing at the present moment to acknowledge the presence of greatness. Failing to do so will result in awkward yet fulfilling situations. I recommend that you do not take your hands of the keyboard and give only the slightest of nods after 5 minutes of complete silence and glaring.
Well… you feel the glare. You do not glare yourself. You do not break eye-contact with the monitor. It does not even matter if you are typing for real or not. I once clicked away happily for 5 minutes. I just typed ‘he is still there’ over and over again. Do not break down Sam. This moment will decide your relationship with this individual.
After the nod there will be a flood of words aimed in your general direction. You can disregard anything that is said. It boils down to ‘can not operate device’.
You then take the device from this person and put it next to you on your desk. You’ll ask the name of this simpleton, write it down on a sticky-note, slap that on the phone. Then you’ll write a random date in the not so near future on another sticky and hand that to the bewildered person in front of you.
It will usually utter some incoherent words about ‘needing, time or but’ (I find that ‘but’is a word they like. They tend to use it three or four times consecutive before you usher them through the door).
Now you’ve won Sam. Well… not really. But it will feel good, I can guarantee that.
This must do for now. A new suit is glaring at me for the last five minutes.
Felt good to do something productive with this time.
Take care,
Baltasar
P.s. I just noticed that there is some foam around his mouth. So if you encounter this, don’t worry: it seems to be perfectly normal.13 -
IF THERE ARE NO CARS IN THE SQUARES THEN YOU DONT SELECT ANYTHING ITS NOT A SUPER HARD CONCEPT TO GRASP.5
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Guinea pigs are not from Guinea and they aren’t pigs
JavaScript has nothing to do with Java
Computer science is not an actual science
Lawsuit is not an actual suit that the judge wears
Siouxsie Suioux is not Native American
Sugar gliders aren’t made of sugar
People don’t drive on driveways and don’t park on parkways
Carpets have nothing to do with either cars or pets
Gunpowder actually looks like noodles and not like powder
Coca-Cola has no coconut and no cocaine in it. It also contains no cola nuts
Peanuts aren’t actually nuts
Watermelon doesn’t taste like a melon
Laptops are usually used while standing on desks, not laps
GPU, as in graphics processing unit, can process things that aren’t graphical
Silverback gorillas’ backs ain’t made of silver
Rod Steward is not a rod and not a steward
Guy Standing can sit
People who say they can’t stand something usually can actually stand up
People who call themselves woke do sleep sometimes
Hibernation mode in Windows doesn’t actually hibernate anything
Kool Aid can be served hot
Wall sockets can be used while not being attached to a wall
WC is not a closet
MrBeast is in fact human
Dodge cars aren’t better at dodging things than other cars
Some AC units can be operated using DC
Most men don’t menstruate
Pop bottles don’t always go pop
Backpack can be used while not being worn on your back
Watches don’t watch anything
Some keyboards aren’t actually a single board
Cigarettes have cigars, but cassettes don’t have cass, and Gillette doesn’t have gills
Dyson doesn’t make Dyson spheres
Hairdryers can dry things that aren’t hair
Beds aren’t usually made of bedrock
ThinkPads can’t think
MacBooks aren’t books
Ceilings don’t ceil
Platinum records aren’t made of platinum
Training doesn’t always involve trains
Great Britain ain’t that great
HDMI can carry signal that isn’t HD
Fingers do fing but autists don’t aut
American Football band doesn’t play american football
Taylor Swift is neither a taylor nor a swift
Hard disk drive doesn’t drive
Tank tops has nothing to do with the top part of a tank
Tea bags do sometimes contain herbs that aren’t tea
Tea isn’t usually teal
Jack Black isn’t black
Fingernails aren’t nails30 -
to me, japanese means unsophisticated. Idk whose idea all that weeb propaganda was, but:
- traditional japanese art: too simple, no sense of perspective, no sense of proportion. yes, even the great wave. look at any japanese painting pre-20th century, and then at any european renaissance-era painting. If you prefer the former, you're fucking blind
- when you eat, you sit on the floor like a caveman. you eat with two sticks. really? how hard was it to invent a fucking fork?
- traditional japanese furniture is trash. why all those complicated joints that look horribly after one year of use, especially if it's outdoors? don't you have nails or screws?
- sashimi is just uncooked sliced fish.
- cars are ugly and too basic. modern ones are unreliable too. the only way to make a gas car reliable is to overbuild it. volvo red blocks were indestructible because they operated at 8-12% of their horsepower limit compared to mechanical strength. take any engine, cut its horsepowers to one tenth of what it's capable of, and you'll get a reliable engine. it doesn't take any engineering talent. yes, there are foot guns, but if you're not doing crazy shit, you belong in this framework.
- no good software
- ugly, horror vacui websites and interfaces
- everything is so fucking crude
- nintendo is the same old mario crap repackaged again and again
- anime is the same basic plot again and again, just slop at this point.
- same with all gacha games
- it's all either cartoonish or borderline porn, with few exceptions
- no good porcelain (that's china and france, then soviet union)
weebs will say that it's okay, it's minimalism, and that I just don't get it.
if you want to sell something to weebs, take anything, make it 10x the price, and say that it came from japan, and every shortcoming is intentional. boom, done.
post-ww2 japan is a US colony that exists because of US money. The day US money is gone, japan will become china.
you need engineering, you go to germany. you need sophistication, you go to france. you need affordability and scale, you go to china.
japanese pm was assassinated in 2022 with a homemade pipe gun like it's 19th century or something. japanese minister in charge of IT doesn't know what a flash drive is and doesn't use a computer. Also, name a country with $54k+ GDP per capita that has so big of a problem with work culture that "death because of working too much" is a separate short word, that's how often it's used?11
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