I. FUCKING. HATE. MOBILE. DEVELOPMENT.

I already manage the data, devops, infra, and most of the backend dev.

We had a mobile guy. He was great. I never had to think about it and kept moving quickly on my work. #SpecializationOfLaborFTW

He left. Why? Because they wouldn't give him a small raise despite being one of the best mobile engineers in the firm. WTF.

I made the mistake of picking up just enough slack on this workflow in the interim such that I'm, apparently, the fucking god-damned release manager, fixer of pipelines, fixer of build configs, fixer of anything where someone just needs to RTFM for a half-hour to not fucking break things.

Now, 8 months later...and, apparently, Fortune 500 companies are too fucking god-damned cheap to pay for someone who actually knows WTF they're doing for a very reasonable thing to have at least one dedicated set of eyes for.

I never wanted to be a mobile dev.
I never will want to be a mobile dev.
And I certainly don't want to manage your HALF-FACE-FUCKED detached expo configs.

There's a reason I never intentionally involved myself in mobile. All the way down, it's just shitty cross-compilation, transpilation, dependency-hell, brittle-as-fuck build processes so we can foot-gun and mouth-gun react-native and expo and babel and whatever the fuck else cargo-culted horseshit into the wild.

And why? What's the actual fucking root cause? The biggest white elephant that ever fucking elephant-ed? It's because Apple and Google decided to never collaborate on a truly-native cross-platform SDK--where engineers could write native code that compiles to native binaries that's simply write-once, run-everywhere. They know they could have done that, and they didn't. So what'd they get back? Expo--a too-cleverly-designed backdoor/hack--more-or-less a way to circumvent the sane release process software has usually followed: code -> executable -> deploy. Or code -> deploy (for interpreted langs). Expo's like "keep your same executable, we're just gonna to do updates by injecting new code into it whenever we want". Didn't we learn anything with web? Shit gets messy real quick? Not to mention: HEY EXPO, WE WERE ALREADY BUILDING NATIVE APPS, YOU SHORT-SIGHTED FUCKS. THANKS FOR LURING OUR CTOs INTO FORCING EXPO DOWN OUR THROATS W/ THE IMPLICIT (BUT INCORRECT) TOO-GOOD-TO-BE-TRUE PROMISE THAT WE CAN HAVE WRITE-ONCE, RUN-ANYWHERE WITHOUT ANY BUY-IN OR COOPERATION FROM THE ACTUAL TARGET PLATFORMS.

And, we just, like, accept this? We all know it's garbage engineering. The principles we learned in the classroom aren't just academic abstractions--they actually yield real-world results--and eschewing them yields real-world failures. Expo is tightly-coupled to high-heaven, with leaky abstractions six-ways-to-christmas, chock-full of foot-guns, and fails the most basic test of quality: does it, "just work?"

Expo is fucking shameful and it should fucking die. Its promises are too bold, its land-mines too many, its future-proof-ness is alway, always, always questionable as fuck and a risk to every project that uses it.

You want a rant? This is my fucking venue, 'tis not? Well, then this is a piss and vinegar rant straight from my blood-red, beating fucking heart:

EXPO FUCKING SUCKS. AND IF YOU'RE A FAN, YOU FUCKING SUCK TOO.

Some 'wk306' highlights from different people:

Walk around the office in his underwear, because he forgot he left his trousers in the bathroom

Run a red light outside the office due to not wearing his required glasses. When questioned by co-workers, replied "I don't follow those facist rules"

Asking if we work less will we get paid more, because the project will take longer to do (while in a startup with no funding trying to secure some)

Tell a senior dev to stop testing in his spare time, as we won't be able to release on time if he keeps finding critical security bugs

Telling me "your timezone is not my concern", when asking for help with new tooling so we don't have to be online at the same time

Blaming my team for requesting too much help, leading to his team missing deadlines, in a meeting with very senior managers. When the reason we were requesting help was the handover doc we were given was filled with lies about features being finished and "ready to ship" and lacking any unit tests

Being accused of bullying and harassment to the CEO, because someone asked "did you follow up with X about the partnership they emailed us about". The person who was responsible, forgot 4 times, and saw it as an "attack" to mention it in team meetings

Telling an entire office/building mid November they've secured funding for at least the next year, then announcing in January after the Christmas break that its cheaper to move to India, so they are closing the office in 30 days

Assigned to a new project team..

Using git, in a creative way. So.. "master" is "dev" branch, usually. Everyone can push their branch to dev server .. so it's "dynamic for us". Production branch is whatever, as long as the branch has the release version. Sometimes, the release comes from "master".. that mean "dev" in normal geek..

That's just Git. The source code is a saturated spagetti of Entity framework and Caliburn. It is littered with antipatterns, especially basebean. Holy Christmas and Easter that baseclass do a lot of stuff that has no place as a base class ..

Fucking frameworks, I'm gonna start to evangelize frameworks as the no1 antipattern.

MS SQL as the main DB, but is dumped to json FILES through a scheduled task to increase read performance on web.

There is a soap endpoint to expose the json files, fml..

I am assuming I was placed here to improve stuff, I have never in my life seen anything like this before.

There is a special place in hell for this repository

> In an online team meeting where our manager is telling us to wrap up the final bugs and get the release out as soon as possible so we can enjoy Christmas and the last week of the year stress free
> Opens LinkedIn while in the meeting since all my discussion points are done
> First post on my feed
> mfw

Happy Rant: today was the first time since before Christmas we did a major release after testing everything! Awesome. Drinks now :)

Oh here's a good one. When the managers realised one of our apps is a giant hunk of crap that wasnt thought through at all and was lazily thrown together, and their solution is "meh let's just rewrite it in Swift on our new platform. And those other guys can maintain the old one and continue to do hotfixes for it until we are done".
I've been telling them for the past year that its the worst codebase I have ever seen and the lack of tests is disgusting and not something we should dare to release to paying customers (especially when those customers work in healthcare!!!). The best part was when one of them promised we would all be working on the new shiny platform by Christmas. That was last year. And I'm currently the poor bugger doing the legacy maintenance and in the process of trying to get moved to a new project. So much for managers promises amirite...

I am super frustrated and don't have the energy to translate into a general language so here goeas some hinglish venting:

bc bosses ne leni deni kr rkhi hai... itna badhiya relaxed hoke chutti se wapis aaya tha, 2 din me mood ka bhosada kr diya apni harkato se.
yes, bosses , saala systummm chal rha h boss pe boss pe boss ka.
sardi me saare velle huye pade hai to harr aadhe ghnte me meeting le rhe h.

almost saari team ne aukaat dikhai hui hai , koi 5 din ki chutti pe to koi 7 din ki chutti pe, to jo mil rha h bs usi ko pele jaa rhe hai ye ppt ke chode.

mereko ek feature banane ko diya hua h... saala har cheez pehle idhr udhr delegate krke 15 din ke kaam ko 45 din ka bana diya, ab release deadline pass hai to meeting pe meeting rakh rhe h . bhosadiwaalo , meeting rakhne se tumhare baap ka code tumhari maa likhegi?

upr se thand bc.... itti thand me kon tumhare tatte chaatne office jaa rha h? jo jaa rha h usi ko bulao mereko ghr pe rajai me kaam krne do. saala gaand sookh ke aadu ho gyi h thand se, nd inhe fir bhi metro se 2 ghnte lgane ke baad banda office me chahiye . team me bs 7 lund h(technically 5 lund and 2 !lund) nd unke se 5 bahane maar ke ghr pe baithe huye h... ek langoorni manager aa jati h apne boss ke boss ka hilane... nd expect krti hai mai bhi aake saathme hilau. mereko nahi hilana yaar :'(

4 gnte to travel me waste krwa do, parking space maango to bolenge ki tumhara band level kam h, office me inka wifi vpn ke saath apni maa chudata h 2kbps ki speed se . emulator gaand marvate hai, nd fir bhi inhe banda chahiye office me nd feature ready chahiye 2 din me.

agar khud gaand me ungal nahi dete , to inki policies gaand me ungli krti h... saala 9 bje app le saare dev server band... oh maiiyavo din me 5 ghnte meeting rkhne ke baad tumhe lgta h ki koi kaam hua hoga.. nd bande ko khane hugne mootne me bhi 1-2 ghnte chale jaate h ghr pe... ek to tumhara time waste ko compensate krna chah rha hu apni marzi se raat me kaam krke, but tumhari gaand me usse bhi keede hai... to rote raho bc. meri jhaat tumhe degi festure banake Christmas se pehle.. bhupp

saala kachha utaar ke khol ke baith jaata hu, aake saare bosses ekek krke meri maar lo