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Search - "kill me"
An intern I was supposed to lead (as an intern) and work with. Which sounded kinda crazy to me, but also fun so I rolled with it. But when I met her I quickly found out she didn't even have a coding editor installed and when I advised one she was "scared of virusses". She had Microsoft Edge in her toolbar, and some picture of a cat as a background. We were given some project by our boss, and a freelance programmer helped us set it up on Trello. Great, lets start! Oke maybe first some R&D, she had to reaeach how to use the Twilio API. After catching her on WhatsApp a few times I realised this wasnt gonna go anywere. After a few weeks of coding and posting a initial project to git I asked her if she could show me the code of the API she made so far..
She told me she was using the quickstart guide (the last 3 FUCKING weeks) which contained some test project with specific use cases.
The one that I did 3 weeks ago that same fucking morning.
AND SHE WAS STILL NOT DONE...
A few days later I asked her about the progress (strangly, I wasn't allowed ti give her another task bcs the freelanc already did) and guess what... She got fking pissed at me
Her: "I will come to you when im done, ok?"
Me: "I just want to see how it is going so far and if you are running into any problems!"
Her: "I dont want to show you right now"
She then goes to my fucking boss to tell him I am bothering her.
And omg... Please dear god please kill me now...
Instead of him saying the she probably didn't do shit. He says to me that the girl thinks im looking down on her and she needs a stress free environment to work in. She will show me when its done. ITS A FUCKING QUICKSTART GUIDE YOU DUMB BITCH.
He then procceeded to whine to me about the email template (another project I do at the same time) which didn't look perfect in all of his clients.
Dont they understand that I am not a frontend developer? Can you stop please? I know nothing about email templates, I told you this!!!
Really... the whole fucking internship the only thing the girl did was ask people if they want more tea. Then she starts cleaning the windows, talk to people for an hour, or clean everyone's dask.
all this while I already made 50% of the fucking product and she just finished the quickstart tutorial 😭. Truly 2 months wasted, and the worse thing is I didn't get any apprication. They constantly blamed me and whined at me. Sometimes for being 3 minutes late, the other for smoking too much, or because I drink to much coffee, or that I dont eat healthy. They even forced me to play Ping Pong. While im just trying to do my job. One of the worst things they got mad at me for if when my laptop got hacked bcs it was infected with some virus. He had remote access and bought 5 iPhones 6's with my paypal while I was on break. I had to go home and quickly reset all my passwords and make sure the iPhones wouldnt get delivered. strange this was, this laptop I only used at the company. So it must have been software I had to download there. Probably phpstorm (torrent). Bcs nobody would give me a license. And the freelancer said I * have to *.
the monday after I still had to reinstall windows so I called them and said I would be late. when I came they were so disrepectfull and didn't understand anything. It went a little like this:
Boss: why u late?
Me: had to reinstall my laptop, sorry.
Boss: why didnt you do this in your own time?
Me: well, I didn't have any time.
Boss: cant you do this in the weekend or something? Because now we have to pay you several hours bcs you downloaded something at home.
Me: I am only using this laptop for work so thats not possible.
Boss: how can that even be possible? You are not doing anything at home with your laptop? Is that why you never do anything at home?
Me: uhm, I have desktop computer you know. Its much faster. And I also need to rest sometimes. Areeb (freelancer) told me to torrent the software. He gave me the link. 2 days later this happends
Boss: Ahh okeee I see.. Well dont let it happen again.
After that nobody at the compamy trusted me with anything computer related. Yes it was my own fault I downloaded a virus but it can happen to anyone. After that I never used Windows again btw, also no more auto login apps.8
Dev: So how do you want this feature fixed?
Manager: It should work how it worked before.
Dev: I'm new to this feature, I don't know how it worked before or what is broken about it.
Manager: Well just make it work like it worked before.
Dev: I DONT KNOW HOW IT WORKED BEFORE THAT IS WHY I AM ASKING YOU. PLEASE TELL ME SO I CAN DO MY JOB.
Manager: Just how it worked before!
Dev: fuck you16
*offering sweets to a fellow at work
Colleague: Oh I'm a diabetic but What you've got here aaaaaa.....
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Don't say it
Me: Oh come-on already One small piece won't kill you11
ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
I've got a client that is complaining a long sentence is on multiple lines on a mobile device.
You literally cannot make this stuff up. They are literally saying, "move this specific word up to the line above."8
Another day, another shitty set of JIRA tickets.
In this week's edition, we run into an issue you'd think is a meme, something you couldn't even make up: three tickets with IDENTICAL titles, but miraculously, they actually refer to three DIFFERENT tasks! (Also comical, they're not bugs, they're tasks, but mouth breathers don't really know the difference, and at this point I just don't have the energy to attempt to explain what could be explained to elementary school children.)
I present a rare look into our national archives!
This document features two exhibits:
Exhibit A: product owner's original ticket titles
Exhibit B: translated-into-competency-because-i'm-not-mentally-deficient ticket titles
Just more proof that 'product owners' don't own shit, the devs are the real ones who actually know what is going on.
I mean just LOOK at Exhibit A's titles. As a big smart manager, do you write those tickets, smile, and say to yourself "Ah, yep, that's very clear, I'll definitely remember what each of these mean literally 5 seconds from now!"
Is asking for literally 30 seconds more of thought too much to ask for? Apparently.
Just kill me
Happy friday ☠️7
I have nothing to play recently so I started playing old games.
Today I launched gta vice city on my old pc. Got more than 200 hours in that game during my childhood. Game from 2002 and I laughed when driving a car. It was so natural and fun. Michael Jackson singing Billy Jean and police chasing my ass when I’m trying to find a bribe in the city. That was fun.
For me most of today’s games can’t compete in gameplay mechanics with that game from 20 years ago.
Maybe we have better graphics but gaming fun got worse.
I think it’s cause most of games are made on commercial engines to save money and game studios focus on graphics cause it’s cheaper than paying software developer.
They focus on games to be competitive between players so ai got worse.
Big studio games became generic like movies, they don’t want you to have fun but they want to give you a story around by delivering lots of content in game, achievements, stars but the gameplay itself is bugged and meh.
They don’t focus on things people want to do but they focus on target groups. Most today’s big title games are meh cause they’re made by people who don’t play them.
They don’t play them cause they don’t have time cause of management that changes requirements cause they asked target groups and that would sell. Well if I play a game I’m not interested in story despite some basic stuff to keep the progress forward, if I wanted a big story I would watch a movie or tv show. I play games to explore, feel the world and have fun. I don’t need a linear deep story for that cause I’m in game so give me good gameplay so I can feel the world.
Most of classic game hits didn’t had tons of text and tons of stuff to do but they somehow wanted you to play more. Cause they were competitive between player and computer, the controls felt natural and while progressing you was eaten by the game mechanics more and more not by the story but by amount of stuff you could do as you progress or difficulty increase or enemies behavior change.
Now we’re getting all at once, mostly pointed and with detailed tutorial what you can do. There’s no explanation there’s no discovery what you can and what you can’t do at start. You get all and you decide to throw game away because the moment you launched it you got everything so you spent money just to get stuff you won’t play cause it’s meh and you go back to cs or other looter shooter to kill people cause you’re pissed off that the game was meh.
Well I’m glad I was a kid in 90s and 2000s cause I could enjoy gaming before it was targeted to broader public and become another shallow mass media industry that don’t give a fuck about gameplay cause they want to tell you so many things, they want you to know them cause they’re so important that they forgot that I can read a book and I came to play game to get a different feeling then reading book.
Modern games are like books filled with small stories and nice graphics where you can open it on every page and read a little piece of shitty crap.
Just take this piece and go to toilet so you can wipe your ass with that story and begin other one, look around, puke and go to toilet to take a dump again. I lost my hope to get something fresh or filled with nice gameplay from gaming industry. It’s dead.4
I created some test entities specifically for our staging site. Written in all capitalized letters in the BIG TITLE of the entity I included DO NOT DELETE. This is very clearly visible in the CMS. What's the first thing the content managers do?
You guessed it.
I guess if plain English doesn't work, I'll have to use Kindergarten rules and put a custom lock on them so they can never be deleted.
Muad'Dib fullstackchris can already predict the future, in a few weeks: "hey!!!! fullstackchris, I can't delete these test entities!!!!! whats wrong with the system?!?!"
make code change
try to re run server
java, tomcat, gradle , eclipse, just kill me, dont torture me like this1
what a garbage day. i've spent almost the whole day merging shit and the rest was meetings (also talking about how i merge shit).
dear fucked up branching strategy, when I look at the torn beauty of your mutated stream graph that carries the taint of corruption, depictions of feculent gnarlmaws come to my mind:
"These disgusting trees ring with the sorrowful tolling of entropic chimes, belch clouds of daemonic spores, and shed rot-wet blossom to carpet the maggot-churned earth beneath their boughs. The few stunted branches that grow from it feature dismal bells, tentacles and more pustulent boils."6
"Please move the logo left. The text goes a bit under."
Do you guys think people realize how unclear they are, and are just too fucking lazy to write the full spec? Or are they just so fucking stupid they don't realize I literally have no fucking clue what to do exactly with comments like these?
I guess Hanlon's razor applies here, but some days I just don't know...
Happy Friday! ☠️3
i dont know sql, gotta look shit up and dont much of it really internalized
i may be now being assigned somebody else's task to do some sql shit
fucking kill me4
The amount of energy spent to just write ‘Hi’ and click a send button is so big that we should consider banning of sending hi messages.
Instead of just saying “Hi!” we are now using analog to digital preprocessors that convert it to bunch of 0 and 1 to send it over communication layer and deliver it to other human being that will convert it from digital to analog by reading it but that is simple.
By sending message using phone we also:
- save it to local phone
- convert it to couple protocols
- transmit it over air so make connection to internet provider services that would generate logs on this provider as well as whole routing table before it gets to the target person
- save it on messaging provider disk
- probably be processed by filters by provider, sometimes be reviewed or listened by third parties and also processed in bulk by artificial intelligence algorithms
- finally delivered to target phone and saved there where that person would just change this text to their inner voice and save it
- sometimes encrypted and decrypted
- sometimes saved on provider
- sometimes saved on phone manufacturer cloud backup
- don’t get me started on people involved to keep this infrastructure in place for you just to say hi
There are also some indirect infinite possibilities of actions for example:
- emit sound and light that can lead to walking from one room to other
- the floor in your house is destroyed cause of it so you need to renovate your floor
- sound can expose your position and kill you if you’re hiding from attacker
- sound can wake you up so you wake up in different hours
- it can stop you from having sex or even lead to divorce as a result simple hi can destroy your life
- can get you fired
- can prevent from suicide and as a result you can make technology to destroy humans
and I can write about sound and light all day but that’s not the point, the point is that every invention makes life more complicated, maybe it saves time but does it really matter ?
I can say that every invention we made didn’t make world simpler. The world is growing with complexity instead.
It’s just because most of those inventions lead to computer that didn’t make our world simpler but made it more complicated.1
The person who invented powerpoint and those who use it/love it should be skinned alive.
FUCKING SHIT OF A PRODUCT.
On the other side, instead of torturing someone to death, force them to use Power point for 2 hours a day and that will be enough for the person to beg you to kill them.
Join me in this journey against power point.21
This fucking company man. Implementing a simple feature (just a couple settings in the android app) is taking me 4 fucking weeks(feature was done long time ago, but not in the way that. they wanted, even though I followed existing implementations). I have like 60 comments in my code review from which half feels like it's just purely nitpicking. I already have 2.5 years experience and I just want to kill myself or quit the job if every code review here willl be like this.
Has anyone ever had to explain to stakeholders that you're gonna have a major delay, because a team member DIED?
Didn't happen to me. I'm just curious because I want to kill myself after listening to this SAFe planning where stakeholders just bash on what they need and team members don't even have an opportunity to say anything. Confidence vote? 0.2
"We use top of the art, endgame, final boss, super technology"
What they actually use: Java 1.8, jQuery, JSP and an old version of bootstrap
Why is this still a thing?2
Working on an Angular project for the change of things. God, please kill me already.
Its fucking slow - hot reload? I am gonna make myself a coffee in the meanwhile
Its fucking stupid - Why make it easy when you can make black boxed. Make the magic happen!
And please dont get me started on Ressources, documentation, error messages and all the other stuff thats annoying here. Never going back to Angular, if it wasnt paid that well…3
Easy-E discovered The CSS Secret and was assassinated by Google Time-Traveling Death Squad. Now Google is after me, check my “google is trying to kill me” rant. @Root knows their methods and can confirm this.
When I’ll disappear like Ian Murdock, the Debian creator, don’t believe fake news. If news will keep their lips sealed like with Ian, treat their silence as the confirmation that I’m no longer alive.13
aaagh someone please kill appium and smack my senior dev. dude has been given task about test automation and he's an android dev and don't know why tf can't he use espresso and ui automator.
scaling? yeah buzz off man, you are an android eng for fucks sake, don't worry about ios for now!!! appium is going to need customisation for ios/web counterparts so please, for the love of god, don't make me write one trillion lines of java , xml and a 100 more unnecessary files for making a stupid dismiss notification action 😭😭😭
He's a great engineer. the sheer amount of work he has done in the task is worth a salute. but am just 2 years in the industry and can't stand writing same line twice. And not only does he create those biiiig repetitive xml device list files, but also supports them!
another stupid thing about appium, it follows a project architecture and not a library/framework architecture. this means that unlike junit tests which are written alongside the actual code, they are written in an completely seperate , independent project with its own gradle files and dependencies.
aaagghhh, kill me!! junit test would literally go all read and screaming when a class name is slightly changed. but for appium, it gives no shit about whatever is going with the code. its just going to install the apk, look for the view id, if found it will press it, if not, it will fail the test. no automatic compile time errors !!
and since it is *so much* independent of the underlying projects it wants to test (android/ios/web) , its still stupid in principle!! because no 2 devs ever makes some app in android and ios thinking "oh yes, we should call both the notification view id as notif_view" BECAUSE THE CONCEPT OF VIEW DOES NOT EXIST IN IOS!/WEB! THEY ARE GONNA CALL IT BASED ON WHATEVER THEIR CONCEPT IS!!
i so much feel like joining some public sector service based mnc where i am one of those 1000 yo devs who got nothing better to do than write automation tests in selenium and appium3
When you unknowingly/accidentally/inadvertently delete something someone was working on for a long time and they don’t tell you until several months later when all the backups are long rotated out. No way to fix it and nothing left to do but accept blame and sanctions and work to regain lost trust. Kill me now.4
Nothing gets me so anxious like endless work meetings that have nothing to do with my part of the task. Why am I even here? Should I understand this? Why is it taking 2 hours? Can I finally kill myself?6
Why must I always be the guy that has to connect with people?
So I'm applying to a retail job, and the section manager, lets call him Tim, is kinda low energy.
Come in four days later after the first meeting, to just let him know I put in the application. We're talking, talking some more, and he basically wants to hire me but says it usually takes 1-2 weeks for the background. Well that's nonsense for a retail position doing stocking, but alright.
And I'm heading out the door, say to him "dont kill yourself on shift", he doesnt even laugh, just flat affect, monotone, "I know I still got an hour and a half on shift."
And as I'm driving away I'm thinking, that's how the entire conversation was like.
It wasn't just misery or tiredness. The dude, Tim, I'd seen that face and heard that tone before.
Its the behavior of someone who actively doesnt want to be alive.
And as I'm driving away, I'm just thinking, how do I go back? How do I go to this total stranger, who I'm also applying for a job with, who I just met, and say *look, I dont mean to get personal and this is probably uninvited but I know something's up with you. You were like this last time I met you, and you're like it even more now. I know bro. I know. You think no one sees you're going through something, but I do.*
I see shit like this and it's so obvious and by the time I realize I should say something, the opportunity has passed, the moment has passed. And it's like, is it even my place?
But to see someone like that, to be familiar with that look on their face, and to let them walk away...
I just dont know.5
manually writing a post request, filling it out and having to debug it vs just using the existing point and click interface ur product has and calls the same endpoint under the hood, and is already programmed to automatically fill all that tedious shit correctly etc for you
somebody mercy kill me already2
Let's exclude some files from our coverlet coverage test!
Sure! That's easy, just remember to pass this super short, understandable, and rememberable command-line argument:
You're fucking kidding me, right?
It's 2022 and tools are still using PowerShell syntax... just kill me1
Even if you kill me...
*haunted by laura les starts playing (https://youtube.com/watch/...)*
...I'm always gonna haunt you.