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These guys were studying for a Java exam...from PRINTED OUT PHONE PICTURES OF CODE ON THEIR SCREENS
29 -
I had to go help marketing with a website UI issue today:
Me: What version of IE are you using?
Her: Oh my god! Did you say virgin?
Me: No, "Version".
Her: Hahaha you guys I thought he asked what virgin am I using!
*room erupts into laughter*
WTF is this high school?12 -
Train conversation between 3 girls:
A: "Oh, I've got 4G.. "
B: "What, we have 4G!?"
C: "OMG I HATE 4G!"
A: "Yeah, it's almost as slow as E"
C: "I know, right?!"
.....
Kill me pls16 -
"The difference between SSDs and HDDs is that HDDs store data on spinning CDs inside the drive"
-- a 3rd year CS student
Spinning CDs?? CDs?!?!?24 -
I’m a senior dev at a small company that does some consulting. This past October, some really heavy personal situation came up and my job suffered for it. I raised the flag and was very open with my boss about it and both him and my team of 3 understood and were pretty cool with me taking on a smaller load of work while I moved on with some stuff in my life. For a week.
Right after that, I got sent to a client. “One month only, we just want some presence there since it’s such a big client” alright, I guess I can do that. “You’ll be in charge of a team of a few people and help them technically.” Sounds good, I like leading!
So I get here. Let’s talk technical first: from being in a small but interesting project using Xamarin, I’m now looking at Visual Basic code, using Visual Studio 2010. Windows fucking Forms.
The project was made by a single dev for this huge company. She did what she could but as the requirements grew this thing became a behemoth of spaghetti code and User Controls. The other two guys working on the project have been here for a few months and they have very basic experience at the job anyways. The woman that worked on the project for 5 years is now leaving because she can’t take it anymore.
And that’s not the worse of it. It took from October to December for me to get a machine. I literally spent two months reading on my cellphone and just going over my shitty personal situation for 8 hours a day. I complained to everyone I could and nothing really worked.
Then I got a PC! But wait… no domain user. Queue an extra month in which I could see the Windows 7 (yep) log in screen and nothing else. Then, finally! A domain user! I can log in! Just wait 2 extra weeks for us to give your user access to the subversion rep and you’re good to go!
While all of this went on, I didn’t get an access card until a week ago. Every day I had to walk to the reception desk, show my ID and request they call my boss so he could grant me access. 5 months of this, both at the start of the day and after lunch. There was one day in particular, between two holidays, in which no one that could grant me access was at the office. I literally stood there until 11am in which I called my company and told them I was going home.
Now I’ve been actually working for a while, mostly fixing stuff that works like crap and trying to implement functions that should have been finished but aren’t even started. Did I mention this App is in production and being used by the people here? Because it is. Imagine if you will the amount of problems that an application that’s connecting to the production DB can create when it doesn’t even validate if the field should receive numeric values only. Did I mention the DB itself is also a complete mess? Because it is. There’s an “INDEXES” tables in which, I shit you not, the IDs of every other table is stored. There are no Identity fields anywhere, and instead every insert has to go to this INDEXES table, check the last ID of the table we’re working on, then create a new registry in order to give you your new ID. It’s insane.
And, to boot, the new order from above is: We want to split this app in two. You guys will stick with the maintenance of half of it, some other dudes with the other. Still both targeting the same DB and using the same starting point, but each only working on the module that we want them to work in. PostmodernJerk, it’s your job now to prepare the app so that this can work. How? We dunno. Why? Fuck if we care. Kill you? You don’t deserve the swift release of death.
Also I’m starting to get a bit tired of comments that go ‘THIS DOESN’T WORK and ‘I DON’T KNOW WHY WE DO THIS BUT IT HELPS and my personal favorite ‘??????????????????????14 -
*casually programming stuff*
*Sudden need to open cmd arises*
Me: *opens cmd and starts typing, when it hits me*
"Fuck"
Friend: "what happended?"
Me: "i forgot to turn on hackermode"
*enters "color 0a"*
"Better"
Friend: *chuckles angerly*6 -
*Le me Opening Android Studio
*Gradle building..
*Gradle building..
*Shit, cancel building, I need a simple thing
*Cancelling building..
*Cancelling building..
*Cancelling building..
*Cancelling building..
Oh kill me now !12 -
Another day at CS Class :
Friend : " Lol! Is that Linux? "
Me : " Yeah why? "
Friend : " That shit sucks man, go use Windows! "
Me : *im going to kill you face expression*12 -
Mom : why were you late?
Me : Got lot of bugs in office.
Mom : Is everyone alright? Did you kill them?
Me : No mom we fix them.
Mom : I thought we kill them.
How humane are you guys.9 -
Well, here's the OS rant I promised. Also apologies for no blog posts the past few weeks, working on one but I want to have all the information correct and time isn't my best friend right now :/
Anyways, let's talk about operating systems. They serve a purpose which is the goal which the user has.
So, as everyone says (or, loads of people), every system is good for a purpose and you can't call the mainstream systems shit because they all have their use.
Last part is true (that they all have their use) but defining a good system is up to an individual. So, a system which I'd be able to call good, had at least the following 'features':
- it gives the user freedom. If someone just wants to use it for emailing and webbrowsing, fair enough. If someone wants to produce music on it, fair enough. If someone wants to rebuild the entire system to suit their needs, fair enough. If someone wants to check the source code to see what's actually running on their hardware, fair enough. It should be up to the user to decide what they want to/can do and not up to the maker of that system.
- it tries it's best to keep the security/privacy of its users protected. Meaning, by default, no calling home, no integrating users within mass surveillance programs and no unnecessary data collection.
- Open. Especially in an age of mass surveillance, it's very important that one has the option to check the underlying code for vulnerabilities/backdoors. Can everyone do that, nope. But that doesn't mean that the option shouldn't be there because it's also about transparency so you don't HAVE to trust a software vendor on their blue eyes.
- stability. A system should be stable enough for home users to use. For people who like to tweak around? Also, but tweaking *can* lead to instability and crashes, that's not the systems' responsibility.
Especially the security and privacy AND open parts are why I wouldn't ever voluntarily (if my job would depend on it, sure, I kinda need money to stay alive so I'll take that) use windows or macos. Sure, apple seems to care about user privacy way more than other vendors but as long as nobody can verify that through source code, no offense, I won't believe a thing they say about that because no one can technically verify it anyways.
Some people have told me that Linux is hard to use for new/(highly) a-technical people but looking at my own family and friends who adapted fast as hell and don't want to go back to windows now (and mac, for that matter), I highly doubt that. Sure, they'll have to learn something new. But that was also the case when they started to use any other system for the first time. Possibly try a different distro if one doesn't fit?
Problems - sometimes hard to solve on Linux, no doubt about that. But, at least its open. Meaning that someone can dive in as deep as possible/necessary to solve the problem. That's something which is very difficult with closed systems.
The best example in this case for me (don't remember how I did it by the way) was when I mounted a network drive at boot on windows and Linux (two systems using the same webDav drive). I changed the authentication and both systems weren't in for booting anymore. Hours of searching how to unfuck this on windows - I ended up reinstalling it because I just couldn't find a solution.
On linux, i found some article quite quickly telling to remove the entry for the webdav thingy from fstab. Booted into a root recovery shell, chrooted to the harddrive, removed the entry in fstab and rebooted. BAM. Everything worked again.
So yeah, that's my view on this, I guess ;P30 -
FUCK YOU PHP!!!! FUCKING HELL JUST FUCK THE HELL OFF YOU PIECE OF SHIT.
8 GOD FORSAKEN HOURS SPENT TRYING TO ZIP SOME SHITTY FUCKING FILES IN A FOLDER ON MY WEB SERVER TO HAVE THEM DOWNLOADED TO MY CLIENT COMPUTER.... 8 HOURS UNABLE TO OPEN THE DAMN FILE AND THE ISSUE WAS "echo" & "print_r()" STATEMENTS GETTING TRAPPED IN MY ZIPARCHIVE BUFFER MAKING THE ZIP FILE A GIANT PILE OF UNREADABLE SHIT.
HOW IN GODS NAME WERE THOSE FUCKERS EVEN BEING ADDED TO THE ZIP FILE.
Fucking hell. Time to sleep.8 -
Relatives: What does he do as a job?
Mom: He's an informatician, he tinkers with computers
Me: No, I'm a programmer.
Relatives: Is it computer related?
Me: Yes, but..
Relative: Sounds like an informatician to me.
I'm so tempted to say that I butcher animals, but I'm afraid they'll think I'm a veterinarian.11 -
One of my friends told me that i was a monster. She heard me say that we should kill the kids.
I guess processes have rights now.8 -
Please don't kill me!!
I started using dark theme in all IDE I use just today.. all those years I was using Light theme !9 -
Well, it all started off with hardware-level programming involving jumpers and stuff like that... Then came Assembly, which was good.. B, C compilers. Finally came the interpreted languages, and that's where in my opinion the abstraction should've ended. But no, we needed more frameworks, more libraries, even more abstraction! Where does it end? As it seems to be going, I guess that users will have kid toys - no iToys! - for electronics and we'll be programming on with bloated Scratch GUI's. Nothing against Scratch, but that shit ain't proper programming anymore. God I can't wait for the future.
ABSTRACT ALL THE THINGS!!!
Oh and not to mention that all software will be governed in political correctness by some Alex SJW AI shit that became sentient. Not a single programming term will be non-offensive anymore, no matter how hard you try to not offend anyone, or God forbid - don't care about it because you just want to make something that's readable, usable and working!! Terms, UI names for buttons, heck even icons! REMOVE IT BECAUSE IT OFFENDS SOMEONE THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW JACK SHIT ABOUT!!!18 -
My friend loves Dreamweaver... And continuously says that he doesn't understand what people see in it that is so wrong... It does the job right?...... Fucking blind...
Uses a bootstrap plugin which generates HTML code for bootstrap.
I did not know this at the time.
Comes to me the night before submission.
He: Dude i need help quick! I've got the presentation tomorrow morning and bootstrap fucked up the links to my style sheets or something, my page is broken and won't work. I should have done what you did and gone for Foundation...
Me: Yeah, because the bootstrap framework definitely affects the style links...
He: help me out man, please! I can't do this anymore!
I had my submission the day after him to prepare still...
Me: Teamviewer. Now.
Log on to Teamviewer.
See what he's using to code...
Dreamweaver..... Niiiiice....
I go through the code. There are empty divs with &nbsc; in them everywhere.. some HTML elements haven't been closed, no comments, indentation seems to be completely random. All the usual shit storm of a novice web designer.
The only thing is, this guy I know knows how to indent, I've seen his previous work. Why is this so horrible then???
I ask what the hell happened, it looked like a nuclear explosion happened!
He: Yeah I'm using this great plugin for Dreamweaver which lets me click and it puts in Bootstrap elements! It's great!
........ You're blaming the bootstrap framework for affecting your links to your stylesheets, you're using an elements generator, you're not checking what the FUCK it puts into your code, not fixing the indenting, not checking the standard HTML rules are followed AND YOU WONDER WHY IT'S BROKEN???
Kill me now.4 -
People, for God's sake PLEASE at least try to understand the code you are copy-pasting ... now I have to debug a weird function because of someone who didn't.4
-
Never seen anything more cringy than the "hacking" scenes in the new Fast and Furious movie... -.-8
-
Day 2 of writing documentation: still ready to go insane from repeating myself and am reconsidering everything I have ever done in my life...
8 -
And in one foul swoop I am unemployed with bills due, an engagement ring to pay off and medical shit... This is fine17
-
1.5 hours of UI and performance enhancements for the UWP app on Windows Phone, and guess what greets me when I plug it in.
//kill me
//yes I restarted both
9 -
I’m so tired of egocentric lying management executive types.
Executive: You should be thinking about how you speak to the “leadership”.
Me: How about stop lying, blaming me for your own mistakes, and then blackmailing?
Guy has never heard ‘no’ in his life.
Seriously, иди на хуй.10 -
So, should I refactor this into a .greatGreatGrandParent() method, or should I just go hang myself?
(Thanks former colleague for this gem)
10 -
The amount of "echo {number};" thingies I have in my code right now is too damn high, please don't kill me 😅7
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Rant 2/n; 😎 = me, 💩 = client
The (brief but comprehensive) docs I sent my client contained the following line: "Any text that has not been translated will be highlighted yellow for the admins".
A day later:
💩: "Hey, I like the new design, but why are the titles yellow?"
😎: "They aren't actually yellow. You just see that because you're logged in and they aren't translated"
💩: "But the yellow doesn't look good with the design. Visitors will think it looks unprofessional. Make them not yellow!"
😎: "They won't see the yellow! Only you can see it so you don't miss any translations"
💩: "Hi, I just noticed some of the titles aren't in English. How do I translate them? And they're still yellow."
😐🙁😠😡🤬💥6 -
Me: Wish I got one guilty free murder pass..
God: GRANTED! Which software tester would you like to kill?4 -
Uploading something to a server through SCP and copying the composer libs along instead of installing them server side.
Please don't kill me 😅5 -
A PR I raised was left un-reviewed for 3 months. And finally when shit hit the fan, I was asked why I never worked on the fix.
I pointed to the PR I raised 3 months ago and I got absolutely flamed for it because obviously, it was my fault that I did my part, asked for a review and moved on to other tasks.
According to my manager, I should have kept pushing for the PR to be reviewed.
I wanted to set the office on fire that day.5 -
"I want it looking and working exactly the same in IE6, IE7, IE8, IE9, Chrome, Safari and Mobile...."
Oh wait, that happened...7 -
Client: I need a blog with 3 categories.
Designer: cool, let's have every post teaser in the home look diferent depending on the category.
Me (Dev): Ok...
Client: *sees actual design with different looking posts depending on category* I like it! Let's go!
Me: *codes the site*
Client: It's cool but in the home the posts look different... Could we make them look the same?
Me:...10 -
Genuinely upset that I don't have wifi
Fuck Irma
Fuck this.
I can deal without a/c, not wifi.
Kill me.4 -
Me: I have terrible life, terrible job and I will kill my boss.
Someone: just think positive.
Me: oh thanks
2 -
Me : Who wrote that monstrosity of code ? I’m going to kill someone!
Git blame !
Me : Oh never mind, it was me 4 yeas ago.
9 -
small reminder: building your own operating system means that you are forced to scan the memory by yourself...
FUCKING HELL PLEASE KILL ME NOW23 -
In honor of Erwin Schrodinger's birthday I may or may not kill a cat. For the love of God nobody ask me which.5
-
Oh my fucking god I deserve to be shot for my stupidity.
I spent an hour in absolute fear trying to figure out what was wrong with my PC - it would boot but the monitor wouldn't show anything.
I'd forgotten that I'd changed to monitor to show HDMI input - but I was using a HDMI-to-VGA converter so the monitor should have been set to VGA input :/4 -
User: "I emailed my spreadsheet to a colleague. Why can't I see their updates in mine?"
Please just kill me now.12 -
!dev but still rant
So I'm a photocopier technician by day, alcoholic coder by night. Just spent 3 fucking hours trying to diagnose a black line on print outs, checked drums, dev units, toner cartridges, fusing unit, everything...
Called up one of the guys I work with and they said to come back with some samples to try and pin it down...
I turn around to leave and remember I didn't check the transfer belt and lo and behold it isn't cleaning and is smearing the paper...
3 fucking hours to work out such a simple error, I've had program breaking bugs diagnosed and fixed by then... ugh -.- -
That awkward moment when you email a quote to your new client and he responds with "Why so expensive? Wix is so cheap"
* Kill me*5 -
Manager: Morning Alex, how are you?
My Brain: I'm fan-fucking-tastic, I've had 1 hour of sleep, hurt my back, feels like my tail bone is broken, struggling to walk, every piece of code I've written for the past 3 day's has been a complete waste of time and I'm at work...
Me actually: Good thanks .-.3 -
When you're asked to extend a functionality on a piece of code and the 2.5k lines in the view are a juicy mix of PHP, HTML, CSS, JavaScript and the functionality relying on jQuery trasversing through the document tree and expecting things to be in their place. Oh did I mention html build with strings in JS? I'm going to love this day! WHY, JUST WHY?! *gasp*
3 -
We got DDoS attacked by some spam bot crawler thing.
Higher ups called a meeting so that one of our seniors could present ways to mitigate these attacks.
- If a custom, "obscure" header is missing (from api endpoints), send back a basic HTTP challenge. Deny all credentials.
- Some basic implementation of rate limiting on the web server
We can't implement DDoS protection at the network level because "we don't even have the new load balancer yet and we've been waiting on that for what... Two years now?" (See: spineless managers don't make the lazy network guys do anything)
So now we implement security through obscurity and DDoS protection... Using the very same machines that are supposed to be protected from DDoS attacks.16 -
Me: *kills process*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
* hour later *
Me: *kills process with 3045974th method*
Linux: 3243 killed.
Me: "sudo netstat -ntlp | grep 3243"
Linux: 3243 running.
Me: "Are you absolutely FUCKING kidding me?! What is this fucking thing, the god damn grim reaper? I've done some SKETCHY fucking things at the terminal to kill this BASIC fucking server and it is still running!! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"
Manager: *peeks in helpfully* "Did you try the 'kill' command?"15 -
I'm proud to announce that my work laptop has been officially devRanted!!!
Ps: Boss going to kill me, but fuck him anyway!
9 -
1. Start ur day posting Good morning in #general thread.
2. Say Hello Team in the project group (slack).
3. Have a standup call with the entire team and discuss what everyone would be doing.
4. Evening 6 pm go on another call with the team explaining what you did for the day.
5. Time tracking software should always be on, so we can monitor your keystrokes.
6. Track time on Clickup tasks, as well as move them to appropriate tabs indicating their status.
7. Before u log off, post a detailed report on the group chat about what you did for the day.
Surely, this will increase productivity of the team, right?10 -
The guy that developed this template redefined every bootstrap class and now i have to maintain it... kill me please
6 -
FOR FUCKS SAKE! SATURDAY THEY CUT THE INTERNET AND TODAY THEY WON'T FUCKING LET ME SLEEP YOU FUCKING CUNTS, I AM GONNA KILL YOU!!!4
-
Cleaning up code...
var screenshotPanel = $(this).parent().parent().parent().parent().next().next();
Kill me now.5 -
Eclipse: Hey, I found a nice little update for you
Me: ok, install it
Eclipse: nope, I can't find it ...
AAAAAAAHHHH I'm gonna kill you !!!!!4 -
be me
be scrolling through craigslist out of boredom
apply to be an intern at a health nonprofit on a whim without doing proper research
*two days later*
randomly look at their website again
see the footer at the bottom: Proudly created with Wix.com
FUCK WHAT THE FUXKA S FICBW WJiB whziNs skid be eiizhw anish e s6 -
Don't you fucking love spending 3 days debugging only to realise you had a fucking dash instead of an underscore... Yeah me too! .-.5
-
I'm the git expert at my work. This means every time someone has the slightest issue with git (or the git features in their ide), I get interrupted.
😡😡😡
Also I will say it is fascinating watching people who've used centralised version control all their lives struggle with distributed.
"Do you have my changes? I merged them into your branch..."
"You can commit and not push?!"9 -
1.5 hours of cleaning my mechanical keyboard after 2 years of usage. Kill me!!! But damn daskeaboard looks sexy when clean5
-
Friend: what do you do?
Me: I'm a programmer
Friend: could you fix my computer ?
Me: Kill Me(Thinks). -
A mosquito got into my room the other night and feasted on my foot for 9 hours. I could hardly walk the next day, and the itching was insane. I couldn’t go to sleep the next night I was so absorbed by my fixation on finding him. Eventually I barricaded myself with blankets. The one time blankets will actually protect you.3
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Being forced to use wordpress for every fucking project because "everyone needs a cms and wordpress is the best".
3 -
Have you ever reach a point where you lost any desire or mood to do anything? Like when you don't even want to rant about the fuckedupshit you are in.9
-
I just picked up a project from a person that no longer works at the company.
Every single commit for the past year has been the exact same message "SOME UPDATES" 😫6 -
My coworker found out that Powerpoint is Turing Complete, so now he wants to write an operating system in Powerpoint. Kill me now...1
-
Still I'm getting hardly fucked by Webpack. If there's any good god in this universe, please kill me. 😰33
-
Android is gonna be the death of me. Any fucking idea you have is impossible to implement, because libraries with clear documentation are deprecated. If a library is not deprecated, however, it has documentation written by a fucking caveman who thinks it's extremely self explanatory on how to use something that is extremely application specific. Spent hours looking at Google example code that crashes almost immediately after execution, what a joke.3
-
Fucking kill me. I've just agreed to make a shitty fucking app that would be better as a Webpage, using shitty fucking technologies I don't understand, to do a thing that would be better handled by a third party.
You know why? The guy who asked me to do it is a good friend, and I'm the "best (only) code monkey" he knows. FUCK MY LIFE.
At least I'm getting payed7 -
Called to maintain a WordPress site. Site has 100 plugins, two to disable right click. Somebody kill me already 😂😂😂1
-
I had to remove the inherited elements of a div element in jQuery so I googled "kill children".
took me a while to understand ...2 -
I need to be more professional. As such, my sticker phase is beginning to come to a close. Pls don't kill me
9 -
I sincerely cannot live through another daylight saving time change. I cannot. Please, oh politicans, have mercy upon me. My work deals with 5 different time zones. PLEASE5
-
make code change
stop server
try to re run server
dependency problems
java, tomcat, gradle , eclipse, just kill me, dont torture me like this1 -
...
$html .= '</li></ul></div>' . $label . '</div>';
return new JsonModel(
'status' => true,
'html' => $html
);1 -
PBF: This program is so difficult
Me: what's difficult about it?
PBF: *explains*
PBF: *may as well be speaking greek*
Me: Oh. Well, I'm sure you'll kill it. I believe in you ❤
PBF: -_-
Me: (^^,)2 -
Currently learning Kotlin, coming from Java. Just spent half an hour wondering wtf was wrong with
abstract fun add(E element)
Kill me2 -
In my free time I like to compile android ROMs for my device, and I couldn't get my favourite ROM, CarbonROM to compile, it was wining about a c file in a directory and I used a different repo, no sound after compiling but hey, at least it worked right?
Turns out there was a new commit that had messed up the compiler, and this commit was live for about 10 minutes, and I just so happened to be repo syncing at that time.
WHAT. THE. ACTUAL. FUCK. -
Guys kill me please...
WE USE CLEARCASE AND ANT
Because git and maven are still under evaluation....
Am I working for the wrong company?5 -
First modem : can't connect to the internet
Second modem : can't activate the wifi
Third modem : can't connect to the internet
Please kill me2 -
I think this might be a record...
My sister asks me what's this, I come over, she shows me a random website she found and starts asking me what she can do on that website...
Fucking kill me now...1 -
The "sys admin" is upgrading my PC to Windows 10. He says "It's incontestable and must be done."
😃🔫3 -
Me: *gets a payout from my old job*
Me: ahhh now to spoil myself, let's get some pixel buds and a day dream set and maybe a nice bottle of whiskey.
eBay: YO! We have that MacBook you've been looking for going really cheap at the moment!
Me: ... I hate myself...
Why does stuff always go on sale when I've spent my money ;-;2 -
Ive been working on pseudo-Java (ie some 3rd company's UNDOCUMENTED programming language) that they parse into Java in their backend
It doesnt even support if-else (only ifs and elses) or a boolean combination of False and OR together lmao
mainly a GRPC middleware-language
Given its lack of features (arrays/collections) or documentation, I just had to implement a flag-array using a 0-1 string
Im throwing exceptions unless combined strings equal Lengths and is only 1s
living like in 80s-90s 💀7 -
I hate doing front-end development...
I was hired along with another dev to build a webapp to manage the personnel of this big (2000+) company.
I made the backend and some of the frontend (mainly handling the data movement between the two), but my partner was let go after we delivered a first version because "there was not enough work for both of us".
The backlog is months of work for me and now I have to do everything and it's wearing me down...
I want to quit but it's paying well and I don't want to search for something new.
What do?6 -
Today I spilt a glass of water onto my palm. As I was shaking the hand of a senior executive. He looked at me in disgust as our hands squelched together.
-
Some """friend""" of mine asked me help because he has trouble installing WAMP on a Linux distro.
Me: why don't you try to install a LAMP server instead, you are on Linux, you can do whatever you want.
Him: LAMP is not a thing, this doesn't exist, there's no package called like that.
Me: *sends a tutorial to setup a web dev server*
Him: You are so unhelpful, why are you disrespectful like that ?!?
Me: *having some murder thoughts*
Why do I still reply to these people ?4 -
My colleague doesn't debug with his own mind and interrupts me way too much dragging me in his hell of confusion. Should I kill him? I'm too good for that.3
-
Oh gee thanks Windows. I don't have any deadlines and would looovvveee to watch a loading spinner for an hour!
-
*sends email to ops manager to explain nuget & git (yes, he is THAT guy)
*his reply "what's nuget?"
Ooooooooh! Why don't you open Google and do a fucking search you amazingly stupid twat!!! In what fucking era do you live in? What the fuck are you doing at work everyday, besides complaining about how time consuming your useless mundane tasks are? Take some of your undeserved salary and go educate yourself, you useless sack of shit! FUCK!
*meanwhile... Little grin on my face. *Shift+delete email.1 -
This is high speed fiber optics internet everyone, the woman I called told me that the connection was pretty good, wtf kill me
8 -
Spent the last 2 and a half days working on sth, it turned out great. Was pointed out a major mistake in the structure, have to redo about 95%. Kill me now.
-
You can kill me now...
.entry-item
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float: left
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@media(max-width: 1440px)
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@media(max-width: 1200px)
width: calc(50vw - (48px/2) - (320px/2))
height: calc(50vw - (48px/2) - (320px/2))
@media(max-width: 1024px)
width: calc(50vw - (48px/2))
height: calc(50vw - (48px/2))
@media(max-width: 720px)
width: calc(50vw - (24px/2))
height: calc(50vw - (24px/2))
@media(max-width: 580px)
width: 100%
height: calc(100vw - 24px)5 -
Someone please kill me.
I'm sick of myself.
A few days ago in the prize distribution for a past coding contest, I denied my prize and eventually accepted after fucking around a bit.
Now since two days, I'm straight forward wasting my time. My grades are going down exponentially and I'm involving neither in CUDA (which a started just a while ago) nor I'm getting into studies and even getting in competitive coding.... Fuck me!!!!!! -
My family members don’t seem to understand that you can attach multiple photos to an email, so they send them one by one, even if that means 10 emails 🙄2
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Actuall live footage of me trying to install and configure VMware to work on arch at the moment...
(I might be a little fucking frustrated)
8 -
Just passed 2 to 3 hours learning how to model a chair when I was almost at the end my pc shutdown randomly, I lost everything... Thank you life.3
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I'm living it.
I started an internship at this web store made of different pieces and following no apparent rule or convention. They asked me to do this landing page, but I can't access to the development environment, nor push, create a docker, kill myself, nothing. I have to build from the DOM and write with inline style a page copied and pasted, with 300 lines of CSS already in the tpl, overwritten bootstrap 3 and two main CSS files linked. And "they don't do !important".
I wish I could say I'm learning a lot, but not. My life has become a waste of hours trying to please a company stuck and aged. -
I'm going through my Udemy courses for the hell of it and see if I might even learn some things, started a course I knew would start of way too basic but Jesus Christ, 7 lectures for doing basic player movement and animation... Strap in boys, it's going to be a long ride
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Last night I spent 2 hours trying to explain probability to a drunk poker player.
He refused to accept that if Player A and Player B are flipping coins and player A wins 9 coin flips in a row, player B should still treat flip #10 as a 50/50 chance and bet accordingly.
This is basic logic, and when I tried to explain it in terms of computers and code he said "of course a computer would win but I'm saying that 51% against anyone I would win, I've been doing this for 20 years"
My brain hurts.2 -
Hey google, stop automatically opening apps after they are updated on my android. It makes me want to kill somebody 😡3
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I have been working on this React project for more than a month, I just discovered the "defaultValue" attribute for a field. Please kill me.3
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First day back at my old workplace and the guy who replaced me as storeman is going to put me in an early grave...
Literally all of the work I put in over the past year and a bit is gone...
Welp... Let's hope I can get a higher up position soon so I can fix this shit heap .-. -
The real life of me as a trainee developer:
New system works locally but fails to work in production and dev.
Proceeds at futile attempts to debug for hours to find out that my connection strings in the transforms were nested inside logging. -
First c class. Techer starts by telling us to use void main() and that it is necessary for program to run correctly. Someone kill me.4
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Between android studio and Unity, which one si better to make a adventure text game? Why? (i'm learning, dont kill me please)8
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I think the worst feeling ever is taking a break from something, then coming back to it and realizing that you have to rewrite something because you put it off before you took a break.
I've had a lot going on lately, and I decided to work on a web dev project I was doing to get the hang of frontend development. Just realized that I have to rewrite a couple functions. Someone kill me now1 -
Client:' I think that one email account is sending some spam emails. Can you make some checks?'
Server:'Queued emails:730511...please kill me'3 -
Ohh god kill me!! Instructing to edit the project on the last hour is the biggest sin someone could ever commit!! Fuck clients.1
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I just had to spend 10 minutes of my life going through 674 lines of HTML code and deleting every font tag, with there being at least one font tag on every line.2
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My coworker pushed changes to almost all of our ASP.NET pages. However, he did so by pushing only his files, and when asked to merge, he overwrote all of our changes to those pages since he last pulled from the server, which was ages ago. We were three changesets past that overwrite before we noticed things we'd already fixed were gone. Had to revert, which we didn't know how to do, and we didn't know what he changed in his push, because he didn't comment on the changeset. He undid weeks of work, thankfully we only lost a few days worth over we reverted. We're going to have a quick lesson on merging correctly on Monday when we all get back10
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RAT. HOLE. FUCK.
The retrospective is not the time to develop features and designs. We have burnt 45 minutes of an already ludicrously long retro ( 3 hours ).
Too much coffee + this horse fucking shit is geeking me out. -
After a week of working days of testing and development, the new feature finally finished. But my boss wasn't satisfied with the flow so he sent a revision.
After finished with revision, he still not satisfied with it and then sent another revision. This happened 3 times in a week after completing task before any revision and this week comes the fourth with some vague businesses flow. I feel like I don't have value anymore in this company.1 -
For the past one week I have been getting late for work due to this fucking traffic. This shit sucks. And I am stuck solving shitty bugs in a fuckghetti code. I feel burnt out as fuck and now I have to work Saturday as well.
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"We use top of the art, endgame, final boss, super technology"
What they actually use: Java 1.8, jQuery, JSP and an old version of bootstrap
Why is this still a thing?2 -
Create a resume
Include your educational background.
Include your work experience.
Upload resume to a job site.
Fill out a custom form requiring the exact same information in the resume.
Makes sense.1 -
The fact that I need to make this shit multimodal is gonna be a whole different level of shitshow. 🤦🤦🤦🤦🤦
Somebody kill me plz.
Today I tried to concatenate a LSTM unit with a FC and was wondering why it was throwing weird shapes at me. 🤦
Yes, I was THE idiot.
Kill me.16 -
FUCK MY LIFE WHY CANT A RASPI BOOT FROM USB??! I'VE BEEN WORKING ON A PROJECT FOR IT FOR THE LAST WEEK, SPENT NIGHTS LEARNING ELECTRONIC BASICS AND GUESS WHAT? THAT FUCKING RASPIAN ON MY MICRO SD CARD IS NOT BOOTING. AND I CANT REINSTALL IT BECAUSE I HAVENT GOT AN FUCKING ADAPTER FOR THIS SHIT. I HAVENT BEEN USING A MICRO SD FOR YEARS.
AND NOW I CANT TEST MY PROGRAM BECAUSE I NEED THE RASPIS GPIO PINS :(6 -
I'm currently handling 2 projects simultaneously. The other developer recently resigned, so now I've got 5. Kill me nowwwwwww1
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When dogecoin went out, I was a little curious kid. I knew small to nothing about cryptocurrencies, so I started mining some for the lulz on my shitty laptop. Holy fuck no one was using and mining this shit, so I was earning 500-600 DC by night. I did it for a few weeks, let the miner running when I was at highschool.
I stopped after one month since its value was inferior to the used electricity cost.
From time to time, I remember about this story about a 70000+ dogecoins, and I instantly want to chop my balls off and put some super strength bleach on the wounds while slapping myself with spiky plants.
I lost the wallet.
1 -
Two days ago on my linux partition python was being weird, and I couldn't fix it no matter what I tried. Logical option was to backup /home and then reinstall linux
Two days later I want to die, for whatever reason I can't properly boot from a live USB without getting "input/output error", and I've already erased my previous linux installation at this point.
Anyway, I still have windows, and I think that the problem might be faulty RAM (I get i/o errors with any live USB) so I booted into windows, let it do some updates and now I'm checking my memory
After this, I'm going to open up my PC and check that the RAM sticks are all in properly
9 -
Me: *Building my own CSS and JS framework for static websites and testing it as i go while building my work site*
Inner me: Stop remaking the wheel, use MDL!
Me: *Starts sweating furiously*
Why must JS and CSS be so bloody horrible to build with from scratch, should I just use MDL and extend it with some custom classes or keep powering forward?6 -
When you're trying to find a bug in your parser/interpreter but it's working fine and all this time the bug was in the code you were feeding to the parser/interpreter. Smh2
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It took me an hour to process when a client wanted icons for sitemap. By icons for sitemap she ment social media icons... kill me please
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Senile Web login services from 2009 grind my gears, and tertiary education administration snorts the powder.
Trying to apply online at a local university. They didn't have place for me 3 years ago so I went elsewhere but for my 4th year I have to go to them.
Because of my previous application I still have a student number. Online application says I have to log in to another portal and apply there. Then that portal now requests a Pin that I was never sent, and the "request new pin" function doesn't work because apparently my email is not in the database for my ID. My email was 100000% sure on my application, but some dingus never inserted it into the system.
Why not just start a "new" application you ask? Because the New Applications portal won't allow it for my ID number since it has a student number already. Now I either have to apply manually and pay the fee or wrangle Uni staff to reset my account.
I'm calling you, your slapdash JavaScript 1.2 code and your unhelpful staff out, Cape Peninsula University of Technology. -
Teammate turned my neat minimal service architecture into dog's breakfast.
Now I don't know which one I hate more. Him or ROS.4 -
CSS has no parent selectors... and the codebases' element I'm working on has no classes nor an id...
kill me8 -
Well, wasn't my mom, but once, i was in the house of the nanny of a girl i used to date..
I've told her that Im a developer and The nanny already got it like : "ok you know about cumputer and stuff related"..
So..the internet connection was shitty as fuck
She asked me to repair the internet,
I told her I didn´t know anything about network, but.. she insisted.
I said that she better call their internet company and they would explain what is the situation there..
She told me that It was unnecesary, and insisted again..
(We wera talking in the bedroom)
So i left the bedroom, then I went to fucking internet modem, unplug the power cable, then plugin it again..
The internet was still shitty, BUT, she had a placebo effect about the speed.. she was so happy with me and she started saying that I was smart.. (I wanted to kill myself)
we stop dating ..1 -
When all you did the half the day was browse devrant and neglect your fixed table header problem with semantic UI. Kill me.1
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Testing requirements, some of these are pretty specific such as 'don't do X before you compute Y'... OK, check that off
Now we have some independent analyst saying how can you prove 'X' isn't done... "Look at the source code we've provided"
"OK, but where in the source should I look [for something which isn't there]?" -
What fresh hell is this ??????
I lost my earbuds TWICE within 2 weeks !!!!
I swear I had em last night when I put em in pouch , and now I see only 1 earbud.
|-_-|-_-| FUCK MY LIFE |-_-|-_-|
Rent me an earbud or kill me, PLEASE
It saddens me to think I'll not fulfill my endorphins quota today :(
The only enjoyment I have in my life is gymming to heavy bass, the endorphins keep me alive, everything else in life is shit right now : unhappy job, stress from GRE prep, no gf, staying away from family1 -
Started work on a language interpreter and all is going well, until I realise I still need to implement a way of reading and executing code blocks and work out if statements... Ah fuck...11
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Alright so cool story about my idiocy and it’s relationship to Learning Ruby on Rails.
So I decided to start learning ruby and it takes a lot from python(idk which One came first correct me off I’m wrong)
The tutorial I started was using version 4.2 of rails or something and the latest version was 5.1 so me being a fucking idiot continued to install and learn plus I had to open 2 questions on stack exchange that could be solved with an apt-get install command and after 3 days of my understanding what the actual fuck was going on. I reinstalled Mint and got it working.
After JetBrains and sublime text and all my shit was off my NAS I started the tutorial again with everything installed correctly and quit at the 4 minute mark because my bundle install command didn’t work correctly still having trouble and I feel like I should just stick to HTML and CSS1 -
I don't know why you expect your website to be done in a month when you can't even fucking decide what it should be.
I CAN'T READ YOUR MIND ASSHOLE.
Don't tell me that I did it wrong or it doesn't look right when you said that you wanted it like that.
I wasn't hired as a web developer, I've done high voltage electrical work, machinist work and repair of the shit you can't even take care of. All for 15usd a hour. If they don't keep their promise to bump the pay....1 -
write simple working code with some duplicated code (less than 10 lines) and have compile time safety , NAH
write more complicated code you have to spend time fixing thanks to PR feedback -
That fucking moment, when you choose wrong partition while installing Windows...
FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU...5 -
Just spent a full fucking day working on a C binding for Vala to use GLFW as the main OpenGL entry point... Only to now discover that SDL has an already impimented OpenGL window class and allows for basic 2D operations...
Well that was time well fucking spent1 -
What the actual fuck, I installed lodash using "npm install --save lodash" and npm just decided to delete webpack and fuck up the webpack.dev.config.js and actually my whole project... I want to cry
Why the fuck is this fucking thing called npm falling apart at every opportunity it gets 😠1 -
Roughly 240 hours since May (of which I'm able to bill for 80) and it's still shit. A layer of shit upon a base layer of utter shit topped off with some complete bullshit.1
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Been trying all day to install Ubuntu into my laptop, tried multiple USB sticks, DVDs, no luck...
I have no idea why it doesn't want to work. I've done this plenty of times before 😕3 -
I'm ok with almost every language.
But this "everything is a function" concept of JavaScript always give me that "kill me painless and quick" itch !!!#":":/#*%¢|°°
const fuuuuuuuuuck = require('fuckoff.js')1 -
At a job ten years ago, I had a manager who thought it would be a good idea to lock us in a meeting room all day with a 45 page BRD reading it line by line and analyzing what each line means until everyone was on the same page.
Every time I do an agile project without a BRD I think of her.1 -
Trying to write a program a la `man` in ncurses and just, is this hell?
I just want a floating header, a scrollable main body that reads from a file, and a command line footer, why is that so difficult? I finally got it to handle resizing terminals but now I need to try to compile it for windows, which does have unofficial ports of ncurses, but I have no idea how to use them.
Should I just restrict the windows version to a non-interactive command instead of a TUI like I want? -
heading back to work after a month of absence (10 days sick leave, holidays and paid leave) wish me luck and grant me strength not to kill someone or myself, fellow ranters1
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When I work extra hours on weekends, so I can finally take a break from Microsoft Word and write some code for a change. It's going on for a second week now, if not longer 😢
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Trying to get a multi container setup using nginx (also in a docker container) to work with web sockets. There's a chance that the load balancer will also cause issues later. And the front end uses nuxt, which will probably also cause issues once we turn server side rendering on as well.
This is not really something I've studied deeply before.
I'm not having fun.1 -
Influxdb 2.0 and the according python client.
This is the stupidest pile of dogshit I have ever encountered. No documentation, no examples, not even for the most basic shit, im fucking done. This is nuts, working like a week on just getting a fucking connection and do some basic curd stuff.
"Id neets to be 16 Bytes long". Yeah, thanks. With Id, org, user, insurance Id?
Next time I gonna implement this bullshit in fucking assembly, so you can have your stupid 16 Bytes without any magic tricks.
FUCK -
After going through this stuff here https://github.com/google/grafika , Í really don't know how much noob I am...
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I've had to update some 200 scanning devices on the only available computer old enough to still have the necessary connector. Over a serial connection that was so slow I could've probably written the firmware faster than updating it. It took me 14 hours to update all devices.
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Even if you kill me...
*haunted by laura les starts playing (https://youtube.com/watch/...)*
...I'm always gonna haunt you. -
ISTQB tutorial (testing) with cold dead syntetic voice.... brain liquifying under unreleting bordom! KILL ME NOW!!!1
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I know it doesn't really exist in one solution, but I need management software to keep track of customers (crm), projects, products, licensing and contracts, and time keeping. Right now we are using MSCRM (ugh), and old homebrew project/time tracker written in Perl spaghetti (double ugh), email (sigh) and handwritten notes (kill me). Now I suddenly find myself with a budget (somewhat) and the authority to actually fix things. Any ideas would be appreciated.
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That feeling when you accept a simple project and when you almost done the client requirements escalate quickly. *crying*
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