!dev

There are two weeks left until the PhD application results are published. But I'm having such awful nervous breakdowns. I don't even know, if it's anxiety or if I'm literally dying inside from something else. From an almost-heart-attack today when I got a trivial and unrelated bad-news email, to keep having weird dreams about things like end of the world and post-apocalyptic life, or being jumpy all the time.

... And it's not like it's life or death, I know that. I know that I can do other things if this doesn't stick. I know things will workout the way they should; I know all of those. But there's just something destroying my physical and mental health right now, and I don't even know if it's just the anxiety for the next big step in my career, or something else, or how I should deal with it.

... Anyways, amannoyed.

Currently have this issue where I just want to try out all the cool things I see, so my project is not going anywhere and instead just gets rewritten over and over but with a different tool or architecture or framework each time. Can't lock down on something I like, because I like everything 😅

sweaty_decision_meme.jpg

- Debugging some application locally (with debugger)
- 20-30 manual step-ins, tracking those values VERY closely
- debugger becomes a little sluggish
- move mouse to select a line to jump to
- cursor is lagging: all jumpy and everything
- CTRL+ALT+F1
- everything freezes.

sooo...either reboot the laptop and lose all the work, or wait for OOMK to kick in, which could be hours, depending on the level of memory starvation.